Silverlocks and the Three Wolves

A/N: Szaugglaughs and I were sitting there the other night and discussing Fairy tales, and when people tried to make them politically correct. Then we were discussing what would happen if we "fractured" those fairy tales in to a million pieces in our own special way. There had to be a commentator, it had to be yaoi, and it had to be fan fiction. Sadly, yes, there are more to come, but it made me roll on the ground laughing and just wait til you see her's!

Silverlocks and the Three Wolves
IE: Goldielocks and the Three Bears

ONCE UPON A TIME, LONG, LONG AGO IN A FAR OFF LAND THERE LIVED A YOUNG HALF-DEMON BY THE NAME OF INUYASHA.

“Not in this story!”

AHEM, A YOUNG HALF-DEMON BY THE NAME OF GOLDIELOCKS.

“Do you even pay attention to your characters?”

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL THIS STORY?

“Yes. I believe Buddha’s guidance has led me here to put this story on the path of the holy believer.”

TOUGH, SIT DOWN, SHUT UP OR YOU’RE GOING TO BE A EUNUCH IN THE NEXT STORY, MONK.

“Wait a minute! That’s not a narrator, she’s an author! Run!”

*Sounds of a stampede*

BZZZZT!

SHOCK COLLARS, YOU HAVE TO LOVE THEM. YOU GET A DISCOUNT WHEN YOU BUY IN BULK. NOW, ARE WE READY TO BEGIN? LOVELY!

~o)0.0(o~

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A YOUNG HALF-DEMON KNOWN AS SILVERLOCKS. THE YOUNG ONE WAS KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE LAND FOR HIS BEAUTY, STRENGTH AND AN INABILITY TO SHUT HIS MOUTH. EVERY SO OFTEN HIS OLDER BROTHER WOULD CATCH WIND OF THIS INABILITY, AND HE WOULD DESCEND FROM ON HIGH TO STOMP A LITTLE RESPECT INTO THAT MASSIVE EGO.

“Hey! You’re actin like that bastard Sesshoumaru wins! I kick his ass all the time!”

MOONHAIR

“What?”

YOUR BROTHER’S NAME IS MOONHAIR, SILVERLOCKS.

“What the hell kind of purple prose is this anyway?”

THAT’S IT! YOUR ASS IS GETTING MOLESTED!

“By who?”

READ THE TITLE.

“Silverlocks and the Three… Oh hell no! You gotta be joking!”

I WAS UNDECIDED UNTIL NOW, BUT YOU HAD TO COP AN ATTITUDE.

“But you said he was never going to top!”

THAT DEPENDS ENTIRELY ON YOU. ARE YOU GOING TO BEHAVE AND DO AS I SAY? OR SHOULD I POINT OUT THAT THE TITLE SAY “THREE WOLVES”?

“You wouldn’t.”

THAT IS ONE BUTTON YOU DON’T WANT TO PUSH LITTLE MAN. NOW, GET YOUR ASS OUT IN THE WOODS, WANDER AROUND AND DO AS YOU’RE TOLD!

“Fine!”

AS I SAID BEFORE, SILVERLOCKS HAD JUST RECEIVED A WELL DESERVED BEATING FROM HIS BROTHER, AND WAS OUT IN THE WOODS LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO STAY WHEN HE STUMBLED UPON A CAVE.

“Oh, look, a cave.”

THAT WAS A FREEBIE. KNOWING HE DID NOT WANT TO BE OUT IN THE OPEN HE WENT INSIDE.

“Because along with being completely stupid, apparently I have no sense of smell!”

I HAVE PLANS TO REMOVE YOUR PROSTATE AS WE SPEAK.

“Oh look! A wonderful cave that will protect my delicate skin far better than those nice tall trees that I’ve been sleeping in for years! What a fortuitous event!”

I THINK WE’VE COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING. NOW, SINCE HE WAS HURTING, HUNGRY AND TIRED HE WAS PLEASED TO FIND THE CAVE WAS OCCUPIED. THERE WAS A TABLE WITH FOOD AND THREE COMFORTABLE LOOKING BEDS BY THE FIRE PIT. KNOWING THAT MOST CAVE DWELLERS WERE NOCTURNAL…

“What?”

KNOWING THAT MOST CAVE INHABITANTS GO HUNTING AT NIGHT HE DECIDED TO STAY FOR A WHILE. HE WAS SO HUNGRY THAT HE WAS SURE WHOEVER LIVED HERE WOULDN’T MIND IF HE HAD JUST A LITTLE NIBBLE HERE AND THERE. HE WENT OVER TO THE FIRST SLAB OF MEAT.

“Ugh, this meat is too cooked! Did the barbarians want to suck all the flavor out of it?”

HE SPIT IT ON TO THE FLOOR AND WENT TO THE NEXT IN LINE.

“Has anyone not heard of Mad Cow Disease? It’s meat not sushi, its supposed to be a little cooked!”

FORTUNATELY FOR THE LITTLE PRINCESS, THE LAST PIECE WAS EXACTLY THE WAY HE LIKED IT. THREE BLINKS AND A BURP LATER HE REALIZED HE WAS TIRED. THE BEDS WERE LOOKING VERY COMFORTABLE AT THIS POINT SO HE FLOPPED DOWN ON THE CLOSEST ONE.

“What the hell kind of pansy ass lives here?”

OBVIOUSLY THE BED WAS TOO SOFT, SO HE TRIED TO SNUGGLE INTO THE NEXT ONE.

“Oh, yes, a rock bed is sooo much more comfortable. These demons are insane going from one extreme to another.”

THIS BED WAS TOO HARD FOR THE DELICATE HERO APPARENTLY, BUT THE THIRD WAS HEAVEN IN FUR AND BIG ENOUGH FOR TWO, MAKING HIS EYES DROOP AND A CONTENTED SIGH PASS THROUGH HIS LIPS AS HE SETTLED IN.

“You do realize that one of these days I’m going to find a way to get out of here and kick your ass for putting me through this, right?”

AND YOU REALIZE THAT YOU’RE FAR MORE ATTRACTIVE WITH YOUR MOUTH SHUT, RIGHT? GO TO SLEEP!

“Fine!”

*snore*

GOOD LITTLE PUPPET. NOW, UNBEKNOWST TO THE KIND OF SLEEPING HERO HIS NOCTURNAL FRIENDS WERE RETURNING FROM A BATH. THEY WERE WOLVES NOT ANIMALS. THEY CAME TO THE ENTRANCE OF THE CAVE WHEN A NEW SMELL MADE THEM STOP AND TEST THE AIR. IT SEEMED THAT THERE WAS A NEW PRESENCE IN THEIR CAVE, AND THEY WEREN’T HAPPY ABOUT IT.

“What are you talking about? I’m ecstatic! Did you hear that, Dog Breath? I can smell you, but you can’t smell me! Guess who’s better now! Hah!”

THE LEADER WHO SUDDENLY HAD A TINY, SQUEAKY MOUSE VOICE ATTEMPTED TO CALL A GREETING INTO THE CAVE, BUT HOPING TO CATCH THE INTRUDER DECIDED TO ENTER SILENTLY.

“Sorry!”

YES, YOU ARE. ARE YOU GOING TO BEHAVE, OR DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN? I’VE ALREADY HAD TO GO THROUGH THIS WITH HIM.

“I’ll behave if you let me top.”

ANCIENT CHINESE PROVERB; DO NOT ANGER THE AUTHOR FOR YOU ARE TINY AND PERFECT UKE MATERIAL.

“Eep!”

ANY TROUBLE FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY? I DIDN’T THINK THERE WOULD BE. NOW, BACK TO THE STORY, THE THREE WOLVES KNEW THAT SOMEONE HAD BEEN IN THEIR CAVE SO THEY ENTERED CAUTIOUSLY HOPING TO CATCH THE CRIMINAL IN THE ACT. THERE WERE VERY STRICT LAWS GOVERNING THE LANDS FOR THOSE WHO ACTUALLY GOT CAUGHT. THESE WERE DEMONS AFTER ALL, YOU’D THINK THEY HAD A STRONGER PRESERVATION INSTINCT. THERE WAS NOTHING MISSING TO THE IMMEDIATE SIGHT, SO THEY FOLLOWED THE SCENT TRAIL TO THE TABLE AND LOOKED DOWN.

“Someone’s been eating my food!” Whined Stripy Hair.

“Someone’s been eating my food!” Gasped Mohawk.

“Someone ate my food and I’m going to kill the bastard!”

THE TWO OTHERS OFFERED THE LEADER A PORTION OF THEIR MEAL AND AFTER THEY ATE THEY WENT TO LAY DOWN.

“Oi, why the hell would we stop to eat when we haven’t found the intruder?”

BECAUSE I SAID SO, LEATHER SKIRT.

“It’s not a skirt!”

AS THE LEADER LEATHER SKIRT FOUND HIMSELF SUDDENLY IN A PINK LEATHER MINI-SKIRT THAT SHOWED OFF HIS LITTLE UKE ASS TO PERFECTION…

“Behaving! See? This is me behaving! I love the name, suits me to a tee!”

“I don’t know, pink is your color, boss.” Said Stripy Hair.

“It really brings out your eyes!” Mohawk admired.

“I’ve never really needed minions, y’know. All in all, I’m more of a lone wolf, and really the only person who will notice if I happened to kill them.”

*gulp*

“But you look far more manly in your warrior-like clothing!”

“Yeah! Which is why we sit here and admire your manliness silently.”

AFTER MUCH MANLY CHEST BEATING THE THREE WENT TO THEIR BEDS.

“Oi, someone screwed up my furs!”

“There’s a strange scent on my blankets!”

LEATHER SKIRT SAW THE INTRUDER IN HIS BED AND WAS IMMEDIATELY ENTRANCED BY THE FLOWING LOCKS OF HAIR. HE DECIDED TO SEND THE OTHER TWO AWAY SO HE COULD INVESTIGATE THIS CREATURE MORE… THOROUGHLY.

“You know, who ever was here is probably long gone by now. No one could possibly be so stupid as to fall asleep in here. Why don’t you guys do a sweep of the territory and make sure they’re gone.”

ONE OF THE MINIONS OPENED HIS MOUTH TO POINT OUT THAT THEY COULD SEE THE HEAD PEEPING OUT FROM UNDER THE BLANKETS WHEN THE SMARTER OF THE TWO SLAMMED A HAND OVER HIS MOUTH. HE DRAGGED HIS PARTNER TOWARDS THE MOUTH OF THE CAVE.

“Yeah sure, boss. We’ll go do a long sweep. I’m sure it will take hours and hours. In fact, you shouldn’t expect us until morning!”

THEY LEFT WITH ALL HASTE, KNOWING THAT THE STRANGER, WHOMEVER IT WAS, WAS GOING TO GET THE RIDE OF HIS LIFE.

“Hello, stranger.” Leather Skirt murmered. He quickly tied hands together with a good rope, and lay him on his back. The shirt and pants were no issue since he moved with the speed of the wind. Silverlocks lay there bared for his pleasure.

“Y’know, if you’re gonna get me naked you should have better food on your table.”

“You’re sleeping in my bed, I’d say that is enough of an invitation.”

One eyebrow raised, “You mean I would have ended up with Dumb or Dumber if I’d have gone to sleep over there?”

“Nah, they’re together.”

“You mean they would have shared me?” He shuddered in disgust.

“That’s nasty! Don’t put that kind of image in my head.”

“So, is that tail for real, or is it just for show?” Silverlocks asked.

“Damn, you’re really begging for it aren’t you?” He said in surprised pleasure.

“I just want to know since I’m gonna own it.”

“Last time I checked you were at the bottom of this particular pile.”

“Not since I untied my hands.”

“Wha…”

It was all he got out before he was shoved down and his mouth was taken in a smouldering kiss that actually curled his toes. Silverlocks was not one to waste time. In a blur of movement Leather Skirt soon found himself naked and writhing on the bed with a hot hand wrapped around his cock.

“Guh,” Was the only thing he could say.

Silverhair snickered, “I like my men wordless.”

There was no chance to retort as a flurry of nips and kisses kept him from forming any kind of thought. Sensation flooded his body, and he knew he was toast. A steady movement from the hand on his dick had him arching. He needed something faster and harder.

“You have no patience, do you?” His yellow eyed tormenter asked. “I like that too.”

Leather Skirt found his legs in the air, hands scrabbling for fur and a scream on his lips open in a soundless scream as a pair of hot lips sucked at his hole. A pointed tongue slithered it’s way aroud the rosebud relentlessly burrowing it’s way in making him press down against it. He couldn’t stop. Everything in his body was begging for this.

“Hold your legs for me.”

So help him, he did. Those wonderful hand spread him even further, letting the tonge in deeper. One hand drifted away and stroked the base of his tail.

He howled.

The sensations ripping through his body were so intense that he’d die if they stopped. It hummed and throbbed at a fever pitch making him toss his head restlessly, gibberish falling from his lips. There was a moment where everything seemed to freeze… and exploded throwing his body into convulsions of endless pleasure.

When he regained awareness it was to find two fingers working at a steady pace in his ass and that beautiful tongue cleaning his stomach. There was a smirk on the face looking at him, and if he could have mustered the slightest bit of brain power, he would have wiped it off. It just wasn’t quite working out that way.

“Glad you didn’t pass out, lover.” He said with a smirk, “This ride isn’t over yet.”

Those clever fingers crooked and twisted hitting that magic button. Leather Skirt thought about begging the gods, but he wasn’t sure if he would be asking for help, or asking for it ti never stop. If he was going to die this was the best way he could think of to go. He was getting hard again, and the bastard had four fingers inside now.

His hips had a mind of their own as they started rocking again, pressing down in those magic appendages. He knew there was more, and he wanted to get to it. He didn’t have to. His companion hauled him into the air. He automatically wrapped his arms around that slender neck trying to get some balance, while his ass was set on a log-splitting dick! His body was still too relaxed from the previous climax to stop the slick slide down to the base.

He couldn’t breathe.

It filled him. There was no room for any other thing in his body, not even a thought as he tried to adjust to the sudden intrusion. He didn’t know whether to be greatful or pissed that he wasn’t’ moved immediately. He sat there fighting for breath for a minute, and he couldn’t help it, he squirmed. That was the cue.

He was lifted and allowed to slide down again. Then again. Air was a forgotten need and he arched his back trying to get away, but it hit that little button that made it all worth it. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. He lifted himself and sat back while the body beneath him thrust up. A little shockwave shivered through his body re-igniting that fire from before.

There was soon frantic movement as he threw himself down again and again. A litany of prayers and filthy vulgaritys came from beneath him as the two gruntted and sweated towards completion. It was hot and dirty, and it was the best ride of his life! There was not warning as he threw back his head for the second time and two voices joined in the howl of completion.

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

“Oh, I don’t think so!”

WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN LEATHER SKIRT? DIDN’T I MAKE YOU HAPPY? ACTUALLY, YOU SHOULD BE A QUIVERING LUMP OF PLEASURED WOLFY GOO RIGHT NOW.

“You said I’d get to top!”

NO, I MERELY IMPLIED IT.

“Quit your whining wolf! I’m the one who did all the work! Besides, if you hadn’t kicked me out of the cave in the first place we wouldn’t have been here in her clutches.”

“Oh sure, blame me for ruining our domestic bliss.”

“Yeah? Two weeks without sex, two weeks! Plus, Sesshoumaru was out there and decided to slap me around for a while. Damned skippy your ass was mine!”

“Are you okay?” He asked concerned and nuzzling his neck in silent apology.

“Only if you promise to kiss it better.” He whispered throatily.

“Are you two done fighting in there? It’s getting cold.” A new voice hailed.

“Miroku! What the hell are you doing here?”

“Nothing! I was merely wandering by in need of shelter, Inuyasha!”

“You were watching weren’t you, hentai?”

“I would never do that to a friend!”

Kouga snorted, “Try telling that line to Kagome and Sango.”

“Better watch it, monk. I hear your ass is next! The author has a friend and she just loooves you!”

THE END