Strength

Wow Thank you everyone for reviewing. I really really appreciate it. Especially the comments and advice. I will respond to reviews next time. This chappie is a LONG one.

I officially apologize to EVERYONE for Inuyasha's scars, but they stay for now. (Im a bad person... sniff, sniff)

PLEASE read, review and ENJOY!!

Edited by me!

Chapter 8 : Information and misinformation

It had been two years since his dreams, no, more like nightmares had begun. They were always vague images and sensations, that left him with a feeling of loss and despair. Still there was a beauty in the dreams that had a strange bitter sweet tinge to it. He could never remember the details of dreams, only feel the complex residue of tangled emotions when he woke up. It was frustrating!

Sesshoumaru had wanted to immediately investigate the strange happenings in his life, but war had come to the West. Bear Demons from China had suddenly launched a sea attack on Sesshoumaru's lands and and a two year navel war had begun. It ended when Sesshoumaru had finally taken a fleet to China and wiped out the Bear Youkai city. His people were surprised when instead of consolidating his new strong hold in China, Sesshoumaru had immediately turned and returned to Japan, promising the Chinese Youkai that is they ever forced him to leave Japan again, China could become nothing more then a memory.

What ever the source of his dreams were , it was in Japan, and Japan was where the DaiYoukai needed to be, to find that blasted cave. The strange thing was even in the navel battle, when he was most hard pressed he had kept expecting to see a flash of red, that never came. He knew he had no right to expect his brother's help, but somehow he was surprised that the Hanyou had not managed to get himself involved in the war in some way. When Sesshoumaru returned he immediately began wondering again, at first determined to find the cave in his dreams without needing any help. It took him a whole year, but he finally found what he thought was the right cave.

Some minor Youkai were taking residence in the cave, over the years, and any physical and psychic clues that may have been left behind, had long since been destroyed. Sesshoumaru almost howled in frustration. All that searching for nothing. He walked into the back of the cave, and suddenly a wave of absolute loneliness hit him. Sesshoumaru who had always only required his own company, felt once again as if he was abandoned and alone. His heart was once again twisting and tearing into pieces, and he still did not know why. There was nothing in the cave that could answer his questions, so what was it that caused him to hurt so.

As much as he hated to tell others about his inner bouts of weakness and pain Sesshoumaru knew he needed advice. Finally setting his pride aside, he went to the ancient tree spirit for advice.

Sesshoumaru explained all the symptoms to the great tree spirit. It listened gravely. Sesshoumaru told of his night of pain. Of the strange waves of actual physical pain that he experienced. He would talk of the second event after he got an explanation for the first. Bakusen-oh listened with a growing sense of gravity that was alarming.

"Sesshoumaru you say you felt a wenching feeling of loss, of despair?" the Great Tree asked softly.

"Yes, it was like nothing the Sesshoumaru has ever experienced, the pain was immense." the DaiYukai replied calmly.

The tree sighed sadly. "It has been years since the event and unfortunately my Lord I do have a possible explanation for it." The tree looked at the DaiYoukai and seemed to hesitate. Then it said slowly, "A few months before your incident Sesshoumaru, I finally had a chance to meet your younger brother." Sesshoumaru drew in a sharp breathe, guilt for how he had treated his brother washed over him. He had been disappointed that in his search for the cave he had not come across the Hanyou. It had taken a while, but the Lord finally admitted that he had behaved in a manner more reflective of a cur then a DaiYoukai. He was a little unsure why, but he wanted – no NEEDED to see the Hanyou again. Even though he was sure he would choke on the words, he intended to ask his half brother for forgiveness for the events so long ago. That he had not come across Inuyasha or his gang, had been another source of frustration to Sesshoumaru. This was the first time someone had mentioned the Hanyou to him. He drew a sharp breathe and almost smiled, as he imagined his brother trying to make the old tree hurry.

He quelled the same need to ask the tree to hurry, when the tree took a while to continue.

"Your brother came to me, because he was suffering from a rare illness. One from which there is no cure. Tell me Sesshoumaru, have you seen Inuyasha in the last few years?" The Tree asked almost pityingly, as the DaiYoukai paled before him, and almost reluctantly shook his head. "Then my Lord, the most likely explanation for that feeling of immense loss, you experienced is that through the shared blood of your father, you experienced his death. The pain you felt was an echo of what he was experiencing during his last moments on this earth."

Sesshoumaru was shaking his head even before Bakusen-oh had stopped talking. No, NO! Inuyasha was not dead, he could not be dead. The Hanyou was his, he was not dead. The DaiYoukai felt a need to slash at the tree for even daring to utter such a lie, fearing his reaction, he turned and walked off. "Bakusen-Oh you know nothing, Inuyasha is NOT dead! I did not kill him, so he is NOT allowed to die." Anger masked the fear and pain in the DaiYoukai, he would go to the village, find Inuyasha and his stupid little ningen troop and prove that the tree was talking nonsense.

Bakusen-oh watched sadly as the Lord walked away, he could almost feel the waves of grief emanating from the Lord. Once he left the tree whispered softly, "Ah Lord Sesshoumaru, I will not add to your pain, but I fear that it was indeed you that killed him." The spirit receded into the tree, to mourn the loss of the young warrior.

Sesshoumaru made his way to the Hanyou's village as fast as he could. He was intercepted before he got too close it it. Inuyasha's irritating companions, attacked him. The firecat, the monk, the female demon slayer and the Kitsune attacked him together, of the female miko and his brother there was no sign. Sesshoumaru decided that he needed information, so he would not kill them, he avoided all their attacks without retaliating. If was not even a challenge, and after more then an hour the four collapsed in exhaustion, while Sesshoumaru untouched, watched them impassively. Once they stopped their ridiculous attack, he asked the question that had been burning on his tongue. "Where is Inuyasha?"

There was a rustling in the forest, and Kaede who had been watching the fight stalked out. The old woman surprised Sesshoumaru, she was still strong, but some how she had aged, she seemed thinner and much sadder then the Lord remembered. The old miko came right up to him, of course he saw it coming, humans were too slow. But knowing he deserved it he stayed in place.

The crack of her palm hitting Sesshoumaru's cheek rang out in the clearing. "You.. You have no right to ask that, after what you did!" Kaede said.

Sesshoumaru his cheek slightly red, looked at her impassive, "You are wrong, because of what I did I have every right to ask. This Sesshoumaru has much to say to his brother. Where is he?"

Kaede looked at the Lord. "Do you intend to apologize?" She asked Sesshoumaru did not answer but somehow Kaede could see that the answer was yes, "You owe him more then an apology for making him do what he did." Kaede said bitterly.

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed. "Miko you misunderstand, this Sesshoumaru has no intention of apologizing for what I did, that would be a lie. Nor in the way of Shiro Inu Youkai did I do anything wrong, Inuyasha offered and this Sesshoumaru accepted, to apologize for that would demean both Inuyasha and myself. If you seek to lay blame for what occurred in the way of humans, look to those who convinced Inuyasha to undertake that course of action, I doubt the Hanyou would have done it by his own will alone. What this Sesshoumaru would apologize for is my reaction after, I demeaned his sacrifice when I should have praised it, in that I have no excuse. It was I who acted without honor, and yes, for that I would seek his forgiveness."

Kaede stared at the DaiYoukai she did not understand, she could not understand, she was human, and they were Youkai. The rules were different. She could however accept that the Lord was asking for forgiveness, and somehow that sadden her. "My Lord, we have not seen or heard from Inuyasha since after Naraku's defeat. About a week after that battle, he broke the Kotodamo beads and left. We have tried searching for him, but with Miroku's and Sango's babies as well as Kagome having to return to her home for long periods, we have found nothing."

Sesshoumaru was silent for a moment, "Inuyasha's scent on you and the firecat is weak but it is there. Very well in respect of that, if I hear any clue that may lead to the Hanyou, I will inform you of it, in return I ask you to do the same." Sesshoumaru finally said, he was getting used to the taste of his own pride, swallowing it was getting easier.

Inuyasha was not dead, Sesshoumaru refused to believe it, he would find his brother, and make things right. No matter how long it took he would not give up the search.

Inuyasha living in Awa simply went by the name Yasha. He only dyed his hair on the rare occasions he had to go to other towns, to fight demons, the townspeople of Awa he knew did not speak out of turn with strangers. Inuyasha was the Mayor's right hand Hanyou, he kept to the shadows as much as possible, and yet he was always consulted in major issues affecting the town. He was valued not just for his powers as a warrior but also for his intelligence. Inuyasha had matured in many ways, and his hard earned control was much admired by the people.

He lived in a large manor at the edge of the town. The location of the manor carefully chosen by Inuyasha. He had his manor facing the forest rather then the lake. It meant that anything coming from the forest rather then the road or lake, had to cross his lands before entering the town. And it was soon made crystal clear to the area, that if you crossed Yasha's lands without permission and did not heed the one warning given, Demon, Hanyou or Human – your death would be swift.

Hana and Shiori stayed with Inuyasha and his family. Hana becoming his official housekeeper, while Shiori painted and baby sat his children, Inuyasha's scent was thick on Shiori, and all assumed she was his daughter as well. Most town's people were initially under the impression that Inuyasha had lost his Demon wife after his babies were born and Hana was somehow his concubine. Neither Hana nor Inuyasha ever bothered correcting that impression, Inuyasha because no one dared to actually ask him about it, and Hana because she found safety in the rumors. Her human life was limited, and Shiori would still be a child when she died, she finally had some assurance that her child would have a family and a home upon her death.

His children knew the truth of course, and theirs was the only opinion that mattered to the Hanyou. Those with more sensitive noses however recognized that Inuyasha and Hana's relationship was platonic. Others in similar circumstances to Inuyasha, male bearers, immediately recognized the bond between Inuyasha and his children. And though it was not known to the world at large, among male bearers whispers of the mate-less successful birth had spread. After a time. male couples facing problematic births were directed by others, in soft whispers to make their way to Awa. There they could and did find assistance.

Hana watched Inuyasha all these years, there was respect between her and the Hanyou, but that was all. In no way was she or anyone else his confidant. Sometimes as she watched him she wondered what had occurred before the birth of the babies. Inuyasha never talked about it, and he rarely let anything slip. Most of what Hana knew was from her observations of him. Inuyasha was one of the first individuals that the Townspeople came to for help, he never turned anyone away, unless he had a prior commitment to his children. Inuyasha in her memory had never once asked anyone for help, he was so self contained, it was frightening. On rare occasions when his children were asleep or busy playing, she happened to catch the Hanyou watching them quietly, his eyes then would be loving, and yet so sad, lost and haunted. He seemed so damn alone, and yet he let no one, not her, not the townspeople, not anyone except children touch him. That his children were his life was unmistakable, he gave them all they needed and more, and what he did not give them, he gave the townspeople. What Hana was always left wondering was, who gave to Inuyasha?

Inuyasha watched as his children stood with their teacher, they were six years old now, and they were finally learning how to harness their Youki and make the final change into their Inu form. Sadly this was not a lesson that Inuyasha as a Hanyou could teach, so reluctantly he had deferred to the bitch in this one area. He was never far, when she was with his children. He may have needed her, but he sure as hell did not trust her.

On her part, she would have found the Hanyou's mistrust amusing, if not for the fact that because the Hanyou did not trust her, neither did the children. The children were smart, more then willing to learn from her, but only as far as what their father would allow. They respected her, were unfailingly polite but all three children maintained a distance from her. Hell they were closer to the stupid human housekeeper and the other Townspeople then her. She pouted a little, dammit, what a position she was in. Her Ryokumaru (Perfect Power), it was unbelievable. She trusted that Hanyou, and from what she had learned had come to respect him more then any other creature currently alive on this earth. HOW he had managed to keep her Grandchildren alive she could not even imagine, not even the Meidou could have done it. He never talked about it, it was not fair! She trusted the Hanyou almost on sight! WHY did she have to earn his trust.

Some six months earlier, Ryoku in her Inu form had been flying close to the village area. She had been caught by surprise by an extremely powerful Windscar from somewhere below. Surprised and curious she had flown down to see the Hanyou clad in gray standing in the middle of a forest clearing, dispatching a pair of Boar Youkai with ease. The power of the Hanyou was far beyond what she could have imagined a half breed's would be. And more surprising he had not one but two swords, and she found herself more curious about the sheathed sword on his waist then the Tessaiga.

Inuyasha had guessed her identity immediately and asked, no told her to leave. She did not want to, she wanted to talk to the intriguing Hanyou further, but something about his stance, had warned her not to push her luck. She had left, and returned the next day. For some inexplicable reason she had returned to that spot every day for a month, before Inuyasha finally turned up to demand why she was messing around in his territory. She answered honestly because she was bored, and irritating him was almost as much fun as irritating her son. The Hanyou had growled in response and stalked off.

Ryoku never went near the village, but every other time Inuyasha left the town he found himself stalked by Demoness, who he suspected was herself surprised by her own behavior. Inuyasha guessed the cause of the behavior, but watched her carefully, giving her ample opportunity to attack him. She never did, nor did she help in his battles with the stray Youkai, instead she sat at the sidelines and critiqued. Though it irritated him no end, he began to realize one thing, her critiques were spot on. Regardless of her outward behavior, she was a good teacher, and a germ of an idea formed.

About a month and a half after she first stumbled across the Hanyou, Ryoku's life was turned upside down. She had come as usual to irritate the Hanyou, and this time he was waiting for her. Inuyasha's serious demeanor and expanded aura had her raising an inquiring and arrogant brow.

"There are some people I want you to meet, but you need to swear that you will keep them secret until you have my permission to tell others." Inuyasha said without fan fair.

"Who would this lonely old Youkai tell." Ryoku said lifting her hand to her forehead in a dramatic manner. Inuyasha winched, the Bitch was as cold as her son, her poor me act was downright ridiculous.

Inuyasha whistled, and suddenly the facade dropped from Ryoku. She grew serious, her eyes narrowed as she suddenly felt three separate Youki in the woods. The Youki smelled strongly of Inuyasha and another. The other was light, barely perceptible and she had not scented it in a long time. Regardless of the time ad space between them, she could never mistake the scent of her own son.

When, three beautiful Inu Youkai children stepped out of their hiding place, reality as Ryoku had know it shattered. "These are MY children." Inuyasha asserted warningly, "I need you to teach them to turn into their InuYoukai forms."

Ryoku hardly remembered the rest of that day, all she could remember was watching her Grandpups silently. She had not managed more than an introduction and had left without asking. Inuyasha had not volunteered any information and Ryoku had not asked. She used her own resources and she found out the whole story of how Inuyasha had gotten pregnant about a week later. When she learned of what the Hanyou had to do to save her son -whom she did love in her own twisted way- she had destroyed her rooms in a fit. She recognized that the fault for this situation lay in her son.

Ryoku was not sure how the Hanyou had managed to survive, without the other father. The Hanyou's strength could not be denied. Once she composed herself, she returned to Inuyasha and agree to his terms. She would teach the Pups and she would keep her silence. On the Town Mayor, Iroh's invitation, she had moved her palace in the sky closer to Awa, and began the slow process of earning the Hanyou's trust.

Inuyasha's heart swelled with pride as he watched Yuusha catch on first and transform into a White Demon dog the size of a deer. Yuusha as usual showed no strong emotions to his grandmother or anyone else, and only wagged his tail in joy, when his siblings cheered and clambered on him. He nuzzled both of them and glanced at his father. Who smiled proudly at him and bowed. Yuusha nodded his head in acceptance ad went back to focusing on the lesson. The lesson went on, but the other two did not quite get it. Ryoku calling it a day before the children's frustration got the better of them. The three children went in, Inuyasha disappearing into their private family areas first. Shiori and Hana came out to congratulate Yuusha, but were intercepted by the other two who with resigned looks on their faces held back as Yuusha ignored the others swept into the private chambers himself.

Inuyasha stood looking at the garden, when Yuusha walked in. The boy stood tall and proud, he had a natural arrogance about him, that made even adults defer to the child. "Father, did Yuushamaten do well?" Yuusha asked his voice very formal and proper.

"Yes Yuusha, you did extremely well." Inuyasha said turning to look at his son with open pride. "I am very proud of you." Inuyasha said bowing slightly. Yuusha's face went a little flushed as he bowed back, but before he could raise himself fully, his composure broke, and Inuyasha caught him as the boy made a flying leap at his father.

"You saw me, you saw me Papa, I was big right, bigger then a wolves, I was bigger then the most biggest deer, right Papa!" Yuusha spoke excitedly and he wrapped his limbs around his father, eyes shining he cuddled into his father's embrace. Inuyasha chuckled at the antics of his oldest. He sank into the couch his son on his lap, as he knew what was soon coming.

Kishi standing outside the room, was almost jiggling in excitement, "Okay we give enough time, we go. Now."

"Onii-san will hit you AGAIN, if you spoil his time with Papa AGAIN!" Mee-chan warned.

"No fair! Just because he is oldest! Why he get oldest time? Me youngest! Me shoulds gets youngest time! Onii-san BAKA!" Kishi said with a petulant grin.

Mee-chan shook her head at her younger brother. She felt it was unfair too, but only Papa could overrule Yuusha when Yuusha really wanted something. And this was something that Yuusha had demanded since before she could remember. Time with his Papa alone. He guarded his time zealously. But still that was enough, Kishi was dancing at the door waiting for her signal, she nodded, with a small laugh they both charged into the room, and leaped at their father.

Hana and Shiori heard the laughter and smiled, then Shiori went back to her painting as Hana cooked dinner. Shiori loved painting Inuyasha and his children, and Hana suspected another painting of Yuusha in Inu form would soon be gracing the hallways.

The next day, all three children made the transformation and Inuyasha burst with pride as he went out and romped with them. Ryoku was left pouting again, when her grandchildren totally ignored her as soon as their father ran in to play with them. As she left though, she made sure no one saw the fond and pleased smile on her face.

As a reward for learning to transform, Inuyasha let the children sleep with him. The children, fell into an exhausted sleep quickly. Yuusha in his favorite position on Inuyasha's left, his head tucked under his father's chin, his father's left hand loosely around him. Mee-chan was cuddled at his waist on the right his hand able to easily stroke her hair, those two hardly ever moved from their position. Kishi was a whole different story. Sometimes the boy was on him, sometimes sprawled across all three of them, and other times they awoke to find his foot in their faces. Still they indulged the energetic bundle, he was the youngest after all. Today he was asleep on his oldest brother for the most part, with his legs carelessly across his father.

Inuyasha slept, his eyes opened at around two am, his body was aching. Slowly he extracted himself from his children's entangling limbs, and stood watching them. The aches came more often now, it was getting harder for his Youki to regenerate. He looked at the three angels, touching their soft silver hair. He had no regrets, it was all worth it. He had this precious time alone with them, it was time for that to end. They were full Inu Youkai, and it was time they received all the benefits of that position. The time for him to pay his dues, was coming closer, and he needed to make sure that they would be secure and happy after his death.

Inuyasha's hand dropped to his belly, even in sleep he wore a night shirt, since he had come to Awa, no one, not even the healers or his children had ever seen him without a shirt on. Damn he was selfish, he had always known that they would be able to transform, but he had just wanted his children to himself for a while. The others would have them for the rest of their lives, hundreds may be thousands of years. He wanted to see it, he wanted to see them grown up, he wanted to see them make names for themselves, mate and have children. But he wouldn't.

If only the Goddess had given him something he could control, something he could do, then he would have a chance. But to make someone fall in love with him, Inuyasha's smile had no humor. He, it seemed was the kind of Hanyou only a mother, or his own children could love. No, false hope would only lead to more pain, so her set it aside. He was a Hanyou, and he touched his belly again, and a damned ugly Hanyou at that, he knew his place. He would do what he had to – to make sure his children had everything he had not had – and then he, he would quietly disappear.

He would send for him soon, the other father. And there was nothing Inuyasha would not do to secure their safety and future.

-tbc-

Next Chapter Sesshy meets the family any suggestions?