To Be Alive Again

A/N: Sorry for the long delay on this. Hope you enjoy the update.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or Yuyu Hakusho. I make no profit from my writing.

To Be Alive Again
Chapter 8
To Be Honest

Kagome wouldn’t look at Kurama for the few moments between the moment she felt Yusuke and Hiei’s power and the moment they arrived, but it was plain as the sun in the sky that she was ashamed of herself and what had happened. He still hadn’t gotten the full story, but he knew enough to put two and two together. She had misinterpreted something from them, or was out here without their permission. Either way, the proverbial shit was about to hit the fan.

Hiei was the first to realize that Kagome wasn’t alone and made the information known to Yusuke. If they were both to be with Kagome, as her protectors, they each needed to be on the same page. What he was unsure of, was why Kurama was with Kagome out here in the Makai in the middle of nowhere. He was trying not to feel jealous, but it was hard, seeing as the kitsune was who he was. He had a reputation of being a lady-killer and had the looks and grace to have any woman that he had a fancy of being with. Even though he was with Shizuru now, that didn’t mean he hadn’t noticed the appeal that Kagome had. He would have been blind not to see it.

The hiyoukai had gotten to the small clearing first, and upon seeing the look on Kagome’s face, he felt his heart twist in his chest. She looked so upset and sad that he wasn’t sure what to do first, kill the idiot who made her look that way, or draw her into his arms to sooth the look away. Moving towards her, he stopped when she looked up to his face before he got too close to her.

Kagome had never felt so sick to her stomach in all her life. She was confused and hurt, but she also prayed that Koenma was right and that she had just misinterpreted their actions. To see Hiei here, and a few moments later, Yusuke, the hope in her chest grew. Maybe they really did care about her, or maybe they just didn’t trust her on her own and were doing their job that Koenma had given them, to protect her.

At that thought she looked down again, only to hear Yusuke’s shout of, “Kurama? What the hell are you doing out here with Kagome?” While Hiei could dismiss the fact that Kurama was there, Yusuke had just gotten things cleared up with Hiei and had dispelled of one situation where he had to be jealous, and here was another one that presented itself.

The kitsune looked up with a little confusion on his face before shaking his head. “It was a coincidence that I ran into Kagome here.” He said no more, for which Yusuke got even more uneasy at.

‘A mere coincidence, huh?’ he thought quietly to himself before he turned his attention to Kagome and frowned. She looked lost and hurt, something that didn’t set easy with him at all. He was sure that Kurama hadn’t done anything to hurt her, so that only left him blaming himself and Hiei. Did she run away from them on purpose? Did they hurt her more than they realized? Kagome usually forgave and forgot rather quickly, but what if Genkai was right?

Moving close to her to kneel down in front of her, he looked up to her face, which was partially hidden by her long raven hair.

“Kagome?” he questioned softly, his tone gentle, but firm. He had to know, he had to understand what was going through her mind. “Why did you leave without telling us where you were going? You know we would worry about you…” he voiced as an after thought, bringing his hands to rest on top of hers, which were on her lap.

Bottom lip trembling, she refused to look back into his dark brown eyes. She knew what she would see there, and she was afraid to face the truth. He cared about her, but she had a feeling that Hiei did too, seeing as how this afternoon’s training turned out. At that thought she looked up to Hiei’s face, her eyes clouding over with unshed tears. That look almost had him falling to his knees, and he was again amazed at the power one human emotion could have over him, one human female.

“I wanted to do this on my own…to prove that I could do something by myself.” She finally answered his question before she blinked back her tears. Now was not the time to be weak with emotion. She had to prove that she was strong.

“We know you’re strong, Kagome, but we still would have liked to come with you. Just in case, you know?” Yusuke voiced, aware that something had changed, she was hiding what she really felt from him. Did he really hurt her so badly, or did she just not care enough about him to share what she was really thinking?

“I know, but you don’t have to worry. I’m strong and I can take care of myself now. I don’t need everyone to look over me anymore.” She took her hands from under his as she stood, a strong look coming to her face that she didn’t feel. “I’m strong enough to face anything. I…I don’t need to be protected.” Even as the words escaped her lips, she could feel her façade crumble. She wanted to say that, to feel that strong, but she felt as weak as a newborn pup. She knew she had strength, and she knew she had power enough, and she could control it now, but all she could think about was the past, and how she was always the weakest of the group, even weaker than Shippou, with nothing but a bow to defend herself and help her friends out.

“We know…but we’re still your friends. And we still want to help you, and protect you. We know you don’t need it, but we want to give it to you anyway, because…we care about you.” Kurama spoke up, seeing through her strong words.

Yusuke and Hiei turned to look at the kitsune, glaring lightly. He had overstepped a boundary as far as they were concerned, by his words, but now wasn’t the time to discuss that with him. Kagome needed reassurances that they had confidence in her, and that she wasn’t a burden, but a friend, and someone that they loved and cared about, and protected, because they wanted to, not because they had to.

Kagome looked to Kurama quickly, before she darted her eyes to Yusuke and then to Hiei, looking for confirmation. Did they really care about her? “…do you guys…feel the same way?” she wouldn’t voice her second thought, that she thought they were here because of Koenma. She wasn’t that mean or rude, but this would be enough, if she could only hear from them that they cared about her too, if she could figure out if there was something more there, it would help the confusion that swam in her mind right now.

With that question, Yusuke stood and flashed her a smile. “Of course.” He reached up a hand to brush her hair behind her ear, saying in a soft whisper, “…you have no idea how much.”

At those softly spoken words, her eyes widened as she looked to Hiei, surprise and uneasiness in her expression. Was it the same for him too? Was that kiss more than just a bet? Kurama glanced between the three before he sighed. It seemed the three needed a little alone time to talk, but now wasn’t the time. The Makai was no place to divulge feelings and discuss anything.

“I hate to interrupt this discussion, but the middle of the Makai is no place for any kind of serious talk. If you haven’t noticed, a few demon signatures are heading our way, and I don’t think they’re friendly.” He finally voiced, before looking to Hiei and then to Kagome. He had known that his friend had some sort of feelings for her, but to see him so on edge around her was almost entertaining to the fox.

At those words, Kagome flinched and pulled away from Yusuke, her powers flaring to life of their own accord, the demon signatures being found easily. “Six…no, eight.” She voiced quietly, before looking to Yusuke and Hiei. “You have my back, right?” she asked, her eyes pleading a little. She wanted to handle this on her own if she could. She wanted their support, not their protection. She wanted to be an equal fighter.

With surprise in their eyes, Hiei and Yusuke looked to each other before they nodded softly with firm looks coming to their faces. They would support her, and if she got in any danger, they wouldn’t hesitate to step in.

“At the first sign of you not being able to handle it, we’re stepping in, Kagome.” Hiei said, his eyes and tone a bit darker in the wake of her being in any danger.

With a soft smile, she nodded to him. “Thank you, Hiei.” But anything else she wanted to say would have to wait, as the small swarm of neko youkai came upon them quickly. Each one seemed a little different than the next, except for the two largest of the group, and they seemed to be leading the pack. Remembering her training, and battles she had had in the past with her comrades, she drew forth a shield of pink energy, waiting for their lightening fast strikes that she knew would come.

Yusuke and Hiei growled as one of the smaller demons headed for them and with one blast of his spirit shotgun, it was gone. Kagome had barely registered that he had gotten off the first shot before she felt her own power grow in her hands and she smirked, using a technique that he had often used, a spirit shotgun, though it was with her purifying energy, and within moments, four more of the smaller youkai were gone in moments, and ash was all that remained.

With three demons left, Kurama drew forth his whip, but he would not interfere unless he was personally drawn into the battle. This was Kagome’s chance to prove herself to…well, herself.

Hiei held a tight reign on his youkai, which was being difficult at the moment, seeing her face off two adult neko youkai.

With two well aimed shots of her bow, the other two neko’s were gone in a scream of pain, one that didn’t seem to phase Kagome in the least, making Yusuke and Hiei wonder what she had encountered in the past.

Turning to the two of them, she just smiled. “Sorry, You almost got hurt. But thank you, for not interfering.” She couldn’t help but feel the pride in her chest. She took down seven youkai all by herself, with no help from anyone else, and without anyone else getting hurt. It was a powerful feeling, one that she couldn’t help but savor. She was no longer the one who had to be protected. She was able to protect now.

Yusuke and Hiei could feel the change in her, and it was a welcome change, one that had their pride in her growing. She just needed a little confidence, and even though she was in danger at that moment, and it wasn’t something they liked, it was something she needed, it seemed. They could see it in her face. She was proud of herself for her accomplishment. They knew this new independence would go a long way to help her overcome her complex against Kikyou. It was something they were more than willing to accept as long as it made her happy.

“You did good, Kagome. They never stood a chance.” Yusuke voiced, giving her a soft smile. It was all she needed; something to boost her confidence.

“Hn.” Hiei voiced, earning another smile from Kagome, one that shifted to her previous uneasiness as she looked to him. Did he care about her too? It wasn’t hard for her to over-think things, and she might have over-thought that kiss earlier, but, she hoped she wasn’t. She was unsure of her feelings, but she knew she felt something for the hiyoukai, but she had learned that she needed to protect her heart better. She had been the first to voice her feelings for Inuyasha, and it had been her in the end that suffered most for those feelings. This time, she promised herself that it would be different.

Kurama, noticing that they were in the clear now as far as demons were concerned, spoke up. “Well, Kagome, I think I’ll catch up with you later. Shizuru is waiting for me, and we have plans tonight.” He gave her a light smirk before turning to leave.

Glad for the momentary distraction, but also a little afraid of what would come after he left the small group, she gave him a shaky smile and a reply of, “Oh…a…alright. You have fun tonight, and be careful.”

“I’m always careful, Kagome.” He said back, that smirk growing. Oh, yeah, something was defiantly happening between the three, and he was curious as to what it would all amount too. Kagome was wary of relationships, even friendships, but maybe she wasn’t as wary as she would have led everyone to believe.

Moving further and further away from them, Kurama fell out of sight and out of feeling as Kagome turned her head to Yusuke and Hiei. She wasn’t sure what to say first, and her nervousness was very visible as she looked between them, before her eyes fell on Hiei. He hadn’t had a chance to answer her question. Did he feel the same way Yusuke did? Did he care about her more than a friend? Swallowing hard, she clenched her hands a bit tightly, before walking up to the spiky-haired demon, gathering her courage. This was the moment of truth, it was now or never.

“Hiei…do you care about me…more than a friend?” she asked, already having her answer from Yusuke. He had made it perfectly clear, and now the kiss made sense in terms of his reaction. He was jealous. However, she was still unsure of Hiei’s feelings. Was he just showing up Yusuke? Or did he actually care?

The hiyoukai froze at her question. She was being very upfront with her questions, which surprised him, but he supposed that her newfound courage helped her ask her questions. He looked back into her eyes before he smirked very lightly. He wasn’t one to lie unless it suited him, and he would certainly not lie to her. Not when she looked so cute with her face tight in concentration and worry, her little hands shaking in uneasiness.

Kagome blinked at that smirk, before she opened her mouth to say something again. Was he just toying with her? But before she could say anything he finally answered her question. “Yes.” He didn’t elaborate, but at that one word, her mouth, which was open to speak, closed, and then opened again. She knew he wouldn’t lie to her, and she couldn’t do anything but look to his eyes. “Then…the kiss…was because you…”

He only nodded, not needing to hear the conclusion to her question. He really did care about her, and he was starting to fully comprehend how much she needed this, needed to hear that she was loved and cared for. She had, for so long, been rejected and pushed aside, that she was unsure when someone was being sincere to her.

Turning her head to Yusuke, she could feel her eyes burn with unshed tears again. How could this have happened? She cared for both of them deeply, but she was sure that she could only really love one of them. What happened to her devotion? That loyalty that she was so known for? She had been loyal to Inuyasha for so long, that she wasn’t sure if it was okay to be loyal to more than one person.

Walking forward and closer to her, Yusuke gave her a soft smile and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t cry…I hate to see you cry. Everything’s alright. I promise.” He was human, he understood that she needed reassurances and kind words right now, and definitely after he saw that look in her eye. She truly did care for Hiei, and him as well. He was positive that she would never betray his feelings like Keiko had, and she would never lie to him, or be dishonest with him. It was just how Kagome was.

Reaching up a hand to wipe at her eyes, she just shook her head. “Everything’s so messed up Yusuke. I’m so confused, and I feel…like I’m a real jerk.” She said softly, her voice honest. She felt dirty too, but she didn’t want to voice that. She cared for both of them, perhaps to the point of loving them, and her human morals didn’t help her in this instance, and she even felt a little bit like a whore, though she knew that whores didn’t care about whom they slept with, she certainly had deep feelings for Yusuke and Hiei.

“Why?” he questioned, needing to hear it, and he had a feeling that she needed to voice what he and Hiei already knew.

“Because…I…” she flushed a bit, looking down to the ground before she caught Hiei’s eye, and he was still smirking, though it was gentling a bit, into more of a smile, though one who didn’t know him as Kagome did would never be able to tell. “…I…care for you both…very much.” She mumbled softly, very shy to voice that, but she had to. She wouldn’t lie, and he had asked her honestly.

“Why do you think you’re a jerk because of that?” Hiei asked, earning her full attention now as he locked his eyes onto hers.

“Because…it’s like I’m not being faithful…to either one of your feelings. I…like you both too much to just care for one of you…like that.” She answered softly, feeling Yusuke step up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, and her hand being grabbed by Hiei’s.

“We’re not upset, and we don’t think you’re a jerk, Kagome.” Yusuke said softly into her ear, earning another flush to the girl’s pale cheeks.

“No?” she replied rather dumbly as she looked back to her shoulder where Yusuke’s chin was resting before she turned her head back to Hiei, with a gentle squeeze of his hand.

“No, Kagome. We understand how you feel, but be assured, that we do not mind that you care for both of us. We won’t make you choose one of us over the other.” Hiei said, his tone gentle, as he brought the top of her hand to his lips in a gentle kiss. This was uncharted territory for him, but by her gentle smile and eased expression, he had said and done something right.

Yusuke just nodded softly and continued to hug her and after Hiei kissed her hand, she reached out her arms to bring him close and hug him as well. She didn’t know what all this amounted to, but it seemed Koenma was right. They did care about her, and she had been mistaken. With that thought, she buried her head in Hiei’s shoulder, whispering, “I’m sorry for earlier. I misunderstood…everything. I’m so, so sorry.”

With those softly spoken words, the two demons just looked to one another before relaxing next to her again. “It wasn’t your fault, Kagome. Don’t worry yourself about it anymore.” Hiei voiced quietly, as he moved to look into her eyes and see that she was troubled by it, but that troubled expression was lessening. This was good. This made him feel like he could earn her love, and not just her friendship.

Relaxing a little in their hugs, she finally pulled back from Hiei and looked back to Yusuke before she returned his hug lightly. “I still have to go to Sesshoumaru’s palace. That’s where I’m headed, to deliver a letter. Did you guys want to come with me?” she asked, already knowing the answer, before she heard two, “Yes’s”.

Giggling softly, she smiled to each of them before saying, “I was going to rest here for the night. Are you guy’s hungry?”

“Are you kidding? Does a bear shit in the woods?” Yusuke fired back with a grin of his own, happy to see her smiling and in better spirits.

Laughing, she just shook her head at him before looking to Hiei, who only nodded. She had gotten more words out of him than anyone had in a long time, and he almost felt silly for the emotions she invoked in him, but at the moment, he didn’t care. He had her feelings, and they were something very precious to him. He had done nothing to really earn anything from her, she just gave her compassion freely, but that’s what made it important to him. She knew enough about him that most feared him, and yet, she found it in her heart to, dare he say it, love him, and it was something that he would savor as long as he was able. With her, he had been accepted unconditionally, and he didn’t want to mess that up in any way.

Kagome moved around and started to make up a large pot of ramen, something that reminded her of her days in the Feudal Era, but the memories of nostalgia didn’t make her cry or sadden her this time. She wondered briefly if it was because she was finally moving on. The thought, made her smile.

With food in front of them, they talked more of stories that came to mind, or adventures that each had had, with Kagome and Yusuke talking most of the time, and Hiei throwing in his two cents every once in awhile. The group was comfortable, and peace surrounded them. It was something that comforted Kagome. Perhaps these days could last forever, though she knew that sooner rather than later, she would have to confront her feelings. For now, she was content to let this be what it would be. Screw anyone else who would want to mess with it.


~*~

A/N: Sorry for the long delay on the update and the short-er chapter. I’ll make sure the next one is longer.

Kudos!
Sa-chan