Too Much Time On Their Hands

When the three demons came home the whole complex was empty except for Alistair, Jimmy, Tsukiya, and Touga. All of the kids had left and the nursery was empty since the nannies took the little ones out for a walk.

“So how was your time away? Did you get some relaxation time?”

Touga asked as Megan snorted at these questions.

“Sure if you call being around two psycho men relaxing. We are moving by the way so don’t get too comfortable. Apparently you are all coming with us or Inuyasha is not going to have this baby at all. He said he will keep it inside of him for another two years if we move without all of you.”

Alistair started laughing. Sesshoumaru came in running his hand over his hair and seeing some shedding out onto his hand and panicked.

“I am going bald now damn it all! Father you lied! You said I would keep all my hair even into my 3000’s! Look at it damn it! It is falling out!”

Jimmy and Tsukiya rolled their eyes at their family. They were all a bunch of crazy people still. It had not changed really since they were kids. This whole family was insane.

“Son, stop it! You are not old for the billionth time!”

Alistair got up and smirked.

“Here let me see Sesshoumaru. Hell, you are right Sesshoumaru; it is falling out in waves. You will have to get Rogaine and maybe even some Viagra.”

Touga growled at Alistair.

“That is not funny!”

Sesshoumaru looked at Alistair seriously.

“Is that what you use Alistair? Maybe you are right and maybe that is why I don’t get turned on as much as I used to. I should call Prince Hojo and ask him.”

Jimmy got up from the couch finally.

“Sesshoumaru if you call Akiyoshi one more time telling him you are getting old, losing your hair, and losing your libido he is going to show you that all of this is nonsense again. Last time you could hardly walk when we were all done with you so don’t push it.”

Sesshoumaru frowned looking at the fallen hair in his hand.

“I know. I became feeble and weak. I needed a cane. Father is this how you felt during your ancient years? Oh, that is right you are still living them. Sorry, did not mean to offend.”

Touga whacked the back of his son’s stubborn head and then pulled him by the ear.

“I will show you how old I am you brat! I can’t believe you are still going through your mid demon crisis! It better fucking end soon or Alistair is going to beat the hell out of you too. We are not fucking old! You are not old! I am not ancient, grey, or withered. We are not withering away and neither are you! You can’t go bald it is impossible!”

Sesshoumaru whimpered the whole way up to his bedroom where his Father soundly spanked him until he couldn’t sit just to prove his point that Sesshoumaru was not old.

Inuyasha looked everywhere for Shippo after coming in ignoring everyone else in the house.

“Where the fuck is he? Shippo is supposed to be here right now! When he gets home I am going to kick his ass! He is supposed to be where I want him to be not where he wants to be! That is it! I am calling his dumb ass on the cell phone! We are fucking moving and all he can think about is himself at a time like this! My whole damn life is being up heaved and he is out partying I just know it! Probably with some girl or guy who is younger then all of us trying to show Sesshoumaru up!”

Inuyasha started dialing the phone and went into the kitchen where all you could hear was yelling. It was irrational, but this is how Inuyasha always was when he was pregnant.

“Yes and get your ass back here fast! If not I will refuse to let you hold your baby you jerk!”

Tsukiya sighed and looked at her bear.

“They want me to give you up for them? I don’t think I ever want to grow up teddy.”

Jimmy came back into the room frowning looking for something and then at Tsukiya like she was hiding something from him.

“Tsukiya, where the fuck are they hiding? I know you hid them!”

Tsukiya frowned at his mate.

“You can’t have one, you are pregnant with my son and I won’t have you corrupting our children with your bad habits.”

Jimmy stomped over to the bear and grabbed it away.

“Give me them!”

Tsukiya frowned.

“No!”

Jimmy got his claws ready to kill teddy.

“Give me them or teddy dies!”

Tsukiya had enough of this.

“Fine, but it will be your fault if you end up in the hospital again you jerk.”

Jimmy was handed his chocolate bars. Jimmy was indeed allergic to chocolate, but refused to listen to the doctor’s orders. Tsukiya smirked a bit since he traded the normal bars of chocolate for some carob ones so that Akiyoshi wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

“Don’t worry teddy, he won’t even notice the difference. He never did read the damn wrappers on his chocolate bars. He just eats them like a glutton.”

Tsukiya was getting better at figuring out her mate and now that things were kind of back to normal it was much easier. Mates were not straying as much and sticking together. Besides, with all the pregnancies they couldn’t keep going on like this. They now had thirty younglings in the house and only two more on the way thank God. It was only Jimmy and Inuyasha this time. Everyone else found the scrolls that fixed the problem for the next two to five hundred years.

Sesshoumaru lay on the couch on his stomach frowning since he couldn’t sit. Touga had really given it to him for whimpering about being old. Touga didn’t think he was ever that bad when he hit his mid demon crisis age. It was like the world stopped and all one could think about is how much time passed. When Prince Akiyoshi Hojo hit his he was terrible and they tied him down until he wept saying they were all being mean to the elderly. The next one would be Kouga since he was a few hundred years younger than Sesshoumaru and that was going to be interesting too.

“You know Father that you probably hurt your hand doing what you did to me. You need to be more careful since Akiyoshi says our bones are getting weaker as we age. You could really hurt yourself you know considering how ancient you and Alistair are. Bones are very fragile even on demons.”

Alistair fell off the couch laughing. Touga sat drumming his finger on the edge of the chair wondering how long this was going to last.

“Yes, well you ass probably hurts more than my bones will son.”

Sesshoumaru pouted not having anything to say about that for a moment.

“I might get Alsthimers and now I have to deal with Osteoporosis. I will forget everything you will see and need a wheelchair just to get around. I should also have my prostate checked for cancer too.’
“Do dog demons get cancer Father? I probably have cancer and that is why I sleep so much. I should call Dr. Hojo and tell him. I also want to go to the funeral home and mortuary today for my birthday. I don’t think I have a casket picked out or a place that is proper to bury us all in. We need a family plot.”

Sesshoumaru stated softly as he was tired and wanted to find out if that was normal for old people to get so tired like he was.

“Son, if it will make you feel better we will go look at caskets tomorrow. I don’t think you need one, but if it will get you to shut up about being old then I will do it.”

Alistair was still laughing and so was Tsukiya. Megan just rolled her eyes and then smacked her mate as hard as she could on Sesshoumaru’s already sore ass.

“Ouch! Damnit Megan! Stop picking on us elderly people! I might have to report you for abusing an elderly man since I am so damn old. You are stronger then I am and should know your own damn strength you wiper snapper!”

Megan then kissed Sesshoumaru deeply.

“Then I guess you are too old for sex so I am going to take Alistair upstairs leaving your old balding ass here you pain.”

Sesshoumaru frowned.

“That isn’t right or nice. You want to leave me for some younger man I just know it! Now you say you want someone older than me! You will break him woman! Don’t you know that we old men can’t keep it up as long as you want us to! Give him a break! He can’t go very long or haven’t you understood that from the last time we were all together?”

Alistair stopped laughing and growled.

“Hey, wait a minute there you punk! I ain’t old and I can go for a long time.”

Touga laughed at that one.

“Sure you can, that is why you always say you have had enough while I am still going strong.”

Alistair really growled this time and threw his mate over his shoulder.

“We will see who is old you jerk!”

Touga smiled hanging upside down.

“Hey Alistair, you have a great ass even if it has some wrinkles………….”

Whack!

Alistair smacked Touga’s ass good for that remark as Touga laughed at his mate.

“Inuyasha does my ass have wrinkles? Inuyasha! Get off the phone with Shippo and tell me if I have wrinkles damn it!”

Sesshoumaru roared at Inuyasha who was still yelling at Shippo over the phone after calling him back since he was taking so damn long getting home.

Megan pulled Sesshoumaru’s pants down.

“Yep, you have a lot of wrinkles Sesshoumaru. Maybe you should call Akiyoshi about them. He might have some coco butter to make them go away and you have to have cancer since your ass is so red.”

Sesshoumaru frowned and snorted.

“Hahaha………you are so not funny Megan. Picking on old people is not a very nice thing to do.”

Megan frowned at Sesshoumaru.

“That is it, I am going to go upstairs and be with those two……………….”

At that Sesshoumaru finally got up from the couch and grabbed her around the waist.

“You will not leave me when I need you the most woman and I won’t have you chasing young things or men who think they are young! Just because I am old doesn’t mean I am letting you go.”

Inuyasha hung up the phone.

“Sesshoumaru, you are old so get over it already. I am pregnant. Do you want to trade me places? I know you don’t so shut the hell up already! What the fuck is taking Shippo so long? I just called him thirty seconds ago. It shouldn’t take that damn long to go up the stairs. He must be getting old too.”

Shippo, Kouga, Miroku, and Ayame walked through the door looking rather tired. They had to speed to get here according to Shippo who was in a panic that Inuyasha was coming all pregnant to kill him if he did not get there in five minutes.

“I am here.”

Inuyasha grabbed Shippo by his hair.

“Took you long enough you creep! Your unborn child is going to completely forget her Father’s voice because you are too busy out partying like a punk kid! You obviously don’t work out enough either or you would have been here thirty seconds ago when I called you. I shouldn’t have to call you since you are supposed to be right here next to me at all times damn you.’
“You are a brat and that makes Sesshoumaru sad! Don’t you know that you are making Sesshoumaru feel older then he already is? He feels ancient Shippo and it is all of your fault my mate feels that way! Are you listening to me?!!!”

Shippo winced as he was yanked roughly over to the couch and forced to sit next to Inuyasha who growled at anyone who came near them.

“Now talk to your daughter since she has missed you all this time. You probably forgot all about us partying and going out with young teenagers you jerk. Here I was being nice to my old ancient mate and you were busy playing around. See if I have another one of your kids you brat!”

Inuyasha stated and Megan frowned.

“Will you quit encouraging Sesshoumaru you idget pregnant man? He is not ancient! You are giving him ideas and it isn’t funny Inuyasha!”

At that Inuyasha broke down crying and Megan rolled her eyes. She couldn’t take this shit. She was going to lose it and soon.

“See what I have to put up with Shippo? I have the only person in the world who understood me yelling at me now and she wants to move us all away! You are mean Megan and probably a secret donut hater too and you won’t let me have any fucking sushi!”

Sesshoumaru frowned at that.

“Inuyasha you cannot have sushi because it might have shell fish in it and I cannot have it either. I might get another demon tape worm and at my age I can’t be too careful. I mean your lives are all on the line while I get older by the second. I worry for you all. I might have to unmate you so you can all live still. I can already feel my kidneys starting to shrivel up. I need to call Dr. Hojo and ask him what old people do to remain alive for your sakes.”

Picking up the phone Sesshoumaru called Akiyoshi for the thirtieth time today as Megan gave up on them all going to her room. She was followed by Tsukiya who sat on the edge of the bed.

“Is this normal for all the men in the house to go insane all at once?”

Tsukiya asked wide eyed and frustrated.

“Apparently it is. I suggest you pack a few things for yourself Tsukiya. We are going to move no matter what these crazy people want. We need a change of scenery and maybe it will help everyone.”

Megan stated pulling a blanket over herself wishing that was not Sesshoumaru coming up the stairs walking like he was dying. Of course it was him because who else could act so stupid thinking he was ancient when nothing was wrong with him.

“Why must we move? I mean this has been our home for so many years. It is where our family has been?”

Tsukiya stated sadly.

“You don’t have to go Tsukiya. You and Jimmy as well as the others may stay. We are not selling the property. It will still be here. I need to wander, that is all and I can’t just keep wandering around the same damn areas all the time. I want us all to see more of the world; especially since this old man coming into my room wants to see it all before he has a heart attack and dies before us since we all eat way too much cholesterol.’
“Apparently Inuyasha and I want to be dead with him since we like junk food. He says we are trying to kill his ancient ass.”

Sesshoumaru stood against the door leaning on it for support.

“You know you could be kinder to me and help me into bed woman. My Father tried to break his old bones on my ass and I can’t walk strait now. I think he broke my tailbone and Dr. Hojo was busy so I can’t call him to ask how long I have to live.’
“Father really needs to be careful with his body. I told him that our bones are much more fragile and I am right about our cholesterol levels. I feel like I am out of breath from just going up those stairs.”

Megan looked at Sesshoumaru like he was a moron.

“You ain’t old I tell you and if you are then you better forget sex with anyone since your dick might fall off at this rate. You are becoming a hypochondriac and you are not falling apart Sesshoumaru. Your Father still beats everyone in the house at sex and he is three times your age so shut the hell up!”

Sesshoumaru sighed shaking his head as if talking to a simpleton.

“Megan, that is just because he is secretly on demon strength Viagra.”

Megan had enough.

“Fine, if you are too old then you would have kicked the bucket already. Of course I am not ready to give up yet you jerk and I had to put up with this all week long. ‘
“Tsukiya, sweetie, it is time for you to go get your mate. I am going to torment mine right now.”

Tsukiya left the room. Megan slammed the door shut throwing her mate on the bed.

“Megan stop being so……….mmmmmmmmmmmphhhhhhhhhhhh”

That was all he got out before she started ripping his clothing off of him and showed him in every damn way possible that he was still a young stud. By the time she was done he couldn’t complain and couldn’t really talk nor walk anywhere.

“Now Sesshoumaru, do you feel so old?”

Sesshoumaru looked at the ceiling wide eyed.

“Ummmmm……..I am afraid to answer that question.”

Megan smiled.

“Good, then shut the hell up and go to sleep. If you say one more word about being old I will do that again and again.”

Sesshoumaru frowned.

“What if I can’t do it again? What if I have a heart attack next time?”

Megan smirked.

“Then I know how to resuscitate you don’t I? Now would having a heart attack with all of that be a problem for you? It is your birthday baby and I know Inuyasha isn’t going to give you some right now with Shippo around so you better get while the getting is good.”

Sesshoumaru then smiled.

“No that would be a pleasant way to die except I miss Inuyasha. Where is he?”

Megan moaned in frustration. Sesshoumaru and Megan couldn’t sleep without Inuyasha. He was with Shippo tonight since Inuyasha was terrified that their child would forget her Father.

“Inuyasha is with Shippo tonight.”

Megan stated weakly knowing what was going to happen. Sesshoumaru started bawling.

“He is leaving me for a younger man! I knew it!”

Sesshoumaru whimpered out.

“That is it! You are getting therapy! I am getting Inuyasha and you both will shut the hell up so I can get some sleep tonight!'
"He ain’t leaving you for Shippo damn it! It was your stupid idea to go out of our mating and you got pregnant too! Did you forget that? I mean hell! Your Father did as well as Alistair! How fucked up was that? So don’t tell me you are old! When you can’t bear kids anymore then complain to me otherwise shut the fuck up!”

Megan stormed out of the room and went into Shippo’s room grabbing Inuyasha by one of his ears.

“Ouch! Megan! Damn it bitch stop that, you are being so damn mean lately!”

Inuyasha whimpered as Shippo shrugged cuddling up with Souta glad he was not dealing with the overly emotional Inuyasha for a while. Shippo thought he was pretty good in bed with quite a libido, but Inuyasha wore them both out.

“You are going to stay in our room. I don’t care if you want to be with Shippo until the baby is born, but then it is over! Do you get that in your thick head or do I have to strangle you to make you understand this? Now get your pregnant male ass into bed.'
"I am out of patience! I have had it with the both of you! Now get your ass into that bed properly like you are supposed to! Cats sleep for 15 hours or more. Do you both understand that you evil dog men! I have not slept like I am supposed to for years now thanks to you two! It is my turn to sleep my normal sleep patterns and if you want me to be nice you better damn well let me do what I need to or I will kill you both!”

Sesshoumaru then smiled ignoring the ranting because apparently he was having hearing issues too otherwise why was Megan yelling? He must have had hearing aids put in.

“Inuyasha you are here. You didn’t forget me or leave me? I love you so much and I know I am old. Still you love me don’t you?”

Inuyasha smiled at Sesshoumaru.

“Of course I do and even though you are ancient now I will always love you Sesshoumaru. Still, we must deal with Megan who is going to force us to sleep for many hours. I know that is hard on you and me both. Shippo will forget his child with how many hours we are sleeping. It is so tragic.”

Sesshoumaru held Inuyasha.

“I know since time flies so fast. We get older by the second as our children outgrow their clothing and then us. It is not fair Inuyasha, but if a cat must sleep all those hours we must think of Megan’s health. Without your health you are nothing.”

Inuyasha nodded. Megan didn’t care anymore as she organized them and fell asleep in between them.

“Sesshoumaru, do you think Megan is grumpy because she is a cat demon and can’t sleep normal hours like dogs? I mean she can’t help being a mean cat bitch right now? Are cat females called bitches? Maybe we are insulting her Sesshoumaru. Maybe we need to consider her feelings too.”

Sesshoumaru sighed at Inuyasha.

“She is mated to this old dog and a young thing like you pup. I am sure that has everything to do with it. Still we call our mate a bitch sometimes because that is what they are to us canines so she is used to it.'
"I just feel like staying awake since I cannot sleep all those hours. I might miss something before I die.”

Inuyasha frowned.

“You cannot die on me Sesshoumaru, I am pregnant. That would mess up everything! You must live! We will call Dr. Hojo in the morning to make sure you live and I will sacrifice my high cholesterol diet for you because I love you Sesshoumaru.'
"I want you to live unlike Megan who likes donuts. I will quit donuts for you since I love you that much and even if I am a mean bitch know I am doing this for you so you don’t have a heart attack.”

Sesshoumaru smiled kissing Inuyasha.

“It is ok Inuyasha. You must have your donuts. You are young and need them to make you happy. I want you to be happy and before I die I promise to unmate us all so you can live. You must live for me Inuyasha no matter what.'
"No matter what though if I get wrinkly and grey will you still love me? If I get love handles and forget where I am you will find me right?”

Inuyasha looked at the panic in Sesshoumaru’s eyes.

“I promise I will always be at your side even if you are bald and fat with wrinkles. I will always love you Sesshoumaru so don’t worry. I will be here for you and I will make Megan do so to because I know you love her. I love her too even though she is a grumpy mean cat.”

Megan sat up.

“Will you two shut up?! You are so damn dramatic! You are not going to die and we do not eat that much damn cholesterol although I will quit if you will both fucking let me sleep! Now shut the hell up and go to sleep. Old men need their sleep and pregnant people do too! Are you two trying to put me in the nut house?”

Inuyasha frowned and so did Sesshoumaru.

“You are right Megan. We must rest Sesshoumaru for our health.”

Sesshoumaru sighed.

“You are right Megan, but must you yell? I am old and you are going to make me deaf so I can’t call the doctor anymore. I am going to have to also write him in brail because by tomorrow I will probably be going blind too. I haven’t been eating enough carrots in my long lifetime.”

With that they finally went to sleep with Megan praying to God that Inuyasha’s nightmares would go away too. It was really hard being mated to two men who you not only felt everything with, but had the same dreams with too.

Megan just prayed that Sesshoumaru’s mid demon life crisis would end soon. It was always hard enough with Inuyasha being emotional, but he was agreeing with Sesshoumaru’s delusions and it wasn’t helping. In fact it was making things worse and as soon as Sesshoumaru came out of this slump he would feel like a moron.

Akiyoshi during his mid demon life crisis had driven everyone insane and that had lasted three months so they had one more month to go of this shit. Megan swore she would commit herself if this kept up longer than three months. It was the only way to keep from going nuts with everyone in the house.

Megan was going to call Dr. Hojo tomorrow and ask for a damn sedative so she could ignore her psycho mates for a few days. Maybe then she could act much kinder to the one who thought he was an old fart and the other who was always like this during pregnancy.

Why the hell did Inuyasha always have to end up being pregnant? It was like dealing with two children on a constant basis that you had to constantly reassure you were not going to leave them or they would freak out.

Megan wanted to run and hide under a rock. Forget running away, she just wanted to get away to someplace where no one wanted her opinion if they were fat, wrinkled, or not attractive enough. It was like dealing with two women and that is not what she agreed to mate with when she met them. Megan wanted her demon men back and soon.
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