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InuYasha › Het - Male/Female › Sesshōmaru/Kagome
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Category:
InuYasha › Het - Male/Female › Sesshōmaru/Kagome
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
9
Views:
4,402
Reviews:
27
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.
The Loop
Authors Note: I understand that everyone will not get all the references in this chapter. If you have a question about a particular quote, feel free to PM me and ask; but don't expect an answer. My Mamasama is seriously beginning to doubt my sanity, and all I can say is “what took ya so long?”
Have fun kids.
4>---->
Chapter 6: The Loop
Kagome was livid. She climbed up the ladder in the well. What did that little turd tell Sesshomaru to make him act this way?
She never thought the mighty leader of the dog demon tribe capable of humor at all, let alone the actions of the past couple of days. He has pushed it too far this time, telling him to act like that to impress me.
She stomped across the yard, her anger growing. If any demons had been nearby, they would have fled from the powerful aura that flowed and spiked around her. He probably told him which people to imitate, knowing that it would drive me nuts. I mean really, Captain Kirk? The Rock!?
She stood in the kitchen, seething. Her hands balled into hard fists. What's his problem anyway? It's all that manga he reads, and those stupid anime cartoons. He never does anything else! No wonder his brain is mush. I mean, how mentally deficient do you have to be to like that kind of stuff anyway. The only people that like it are adolescent boys, that can't talk to a girl, much less get a date. It's obvious, all the characters ever do is run around, and have adventures in some strange never, never land. Fighting giant monsters, and evil incarnate, and none of the main characters ever get killed!
She marched up the stairs, half expecting him to pop out of his room yelling, “Ha, ha! You just got punk'd!”and start laughing at the great joke he had played on her. I'll kill him! I will murder his ass, and then drag him down the well and get Sesshomaru to use Tensaiga to bring him back.
The thought of Sesshomaru slowed her for a moment. As angry as she was at the twerp, what she really wanted was to help the handsome demon. If for no other reason, but to find out what he had been trying to tell her. She stood outside his room, the door slightly open. I will kill him. But first, I'm gonna make him suffer.
She poked her head in the half open door. He sat with his back to the room, hunched over the desk, busily writing and scribbling. The TV was on with the volume turned down low. This is what he did most days after he got home from school. “I will become a Super Sayan! I will ascend to the next level and save my dad!” Boy, what a surprise.
The door squeaked a bit as she pushed it to step inside. He turned.
“Hey, Kagome. I didn't hear you come in. Did InuYasha come back with you this time?” he turned back to his drawing.
“Nope, just me. I just wanted to come say hi and see what was going on.”
“Not much, Mom will be back in a bit. She had to go tho the shops or something.”
She sat on the bed.
“Hey, don't you think that InuYasha and Sesshomaru look a lot alike?”
“Well sort of, they both look like they...” his head shot up. His whole body went rigid as the “Oh Shits” came washing over him again.
“I knew it! I knew it was you! Who else would force feed this... garbage to a demon, and expect him to know how to cope!?” she gestured to the TV. An image of a boy with wild hair, squatting down like he was constipated filled the screen.
“I swear, it wasn't my fault! Kagome you have to believe me. He just showed up when you were on your field trip to The Ramen History Museum. What was I supposed to do? Say 'sorry giant killing demon dog, I don't wanna watch TV with you.'”
Kagome was a bit stunned. She hadn't thought about how intimidated Sota would have been.
“You've told me about him before, remember? I was terrified! It's all your fault anyway!”
“My fault? What are you talking about? I had nothing to do with this. He just showed up, acting like John Wayne, and The Rock, and James Bond, and Captain Kirk, and” she hated to even say it, “David... Hasselhoff.”
Sota grinned, the mental images bouncing through his gray matter. “Wow, he was paying attention.”
“What! I knew it! You told him to do all that stupid stuff!”
“Listen, he showed up wanting to talk to you. He had plans for the two of you, that I will let him explain himself. He wanted to wait for three days out in the courtyard. I knew that somebody was going to DIE if I just left him out there. He came in here and watched TV the whole time you were gone. He freaked out when I told him that you were about to get home and jumped back down the well again. I was just happy to be alive and still have all my appendages.” He was breathing hard.
“He came here to talk to me? So he liked me before you put all that trash inside his head?”
“It wasn't me! He hogged the remote the whole time. He asked me questions about every show, and all the characters. He was especially interested in learning about the guys that seemed to get all the chicks. I thought I'd help him out a bit, and explain how stuff works in the 21st century.”
“But Kirk, Sota, Captain Kirk. How could you let him think that William Shatner was anywhere near cool?”
“Look, the guy flies in a spaceship, shoots lasers, and sleeps with green skinned alien women. If that's not cool, I don't know what is.”
“But Kirk! Sota! He asked me to go to his, 'metal flying bird and see his shiny buttons', for crying out loud. Seriously, Kirk”
“Look, I felt bad for the guy, I mean what if you liked somebody, a lot. But they were from a different culture, a different time, a different world, a different... species. I would be pretty hard figuring out what to say, and how to say it. Plus, he honestly seemed to like you. He seemed pretty impressed with you.”
“Really?” her girlyness returning. “What did he say about me?”
Sota thought back. Hmmm... lets see... wench... rut... mate... pups. “No way, I'm not getting in the middle of this again. If you wanna know how he feels, go ask him.” The boy folded his arms across his chest and gave her his best “wild horses couldn't drag it out of me” look.
“You're right, I do need to go and talk to him. Geez, Sota, when did you get so smart?”
“Well somebody round here has to.” He tried his best to look wise and learned about such things. In reality, he was just glad to have gotten out of it unscathed. He had seen his sister's wrath visited upon InuYasha on more than one occasion, and he shuddered to think of what hideous spell she could put him under if angered enough.
“So, what ya workin on there?” She was trying to change the subject away from her circus of a love life.
“Oh, it's just something I do for practice.”
She picked up the spiral notebook and began to flip through the pages. It was filled with images of her friends and their enemies from the feudal era.
“You've done a manga of us in the past? This is really good. You've got InuYasha down perfect.”
“Well, you tell me the stories of your adventures hunting for the shards, and I just wanted to have it all down somewhere. See, here are the rest.”
She looked down and saw a stack of yellow covered notebooks on the floor. “Wow, how many of our adventures do you have here?” She picked up another and started looking for a picture of herself.
“All of them. The one I'm working on now is what you told me about last week. Oooww! What was that for?!”
She had thumped him on the head.
“My skirt is not that short! I mean, the way you drew it, it's not a skirt at all! It's just a pleated belt and legs.” She looked back and forth from the illustration and herself for comparison.
“You have got to go back through these and lengthen my skirt. Other than that these are great.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
“And leave the current predicament out, please.”
“Well, I'll think about it.”
She stepped out of his room as he turned back to the desk. She really did love her little brother, and the drawings he had done were excellent.
“Oh,” her head poked back inside the room, “you might want to find a better hiding place for that GREEN COVERED NOTEBOOK, I don't think mom would understand.”
With a yell, he dove under his bed to retrieve his prized collection, and began furiously looking for a better place to conceal it from those that didn't understand his love.
She giggled as she walked down the stairs, headed for the door. Now to deal with Sesshomaru.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
She pulled on the vines hauling herself up toward the mouth of the well. How many times do I have to ask that idiot to build me a ladder. Is that really too much to ask? “Look at me, I'm InuYasha, I can jump a hundred feet in the air, now carry that heavy pack filled with Ramen so I can eat it all, and then complain about how pathetic and weak you are.” She thought in her best internal monologue InuYasha voice.
Her head poked over the top of the well. Usually the clearing was deserted when she arrived, or InuYasha would be sitting there yelling at her for how long she had been gone this time. This time a most unexpected sight greeted her.
All her friends were there. Kaede, Sango, Kirara, and Shippo sat on the grass just a few feet away. Jaken was there pacing, and wringing his hands and muttering, “Oh dear, Oh dear, what are we going to do?” Even AhUn was there, further off, happily munching on the best grass that Rin had found for him.
She stepped over the rim, and almost landed on InuYasha. He was sitting, back against the well, with a bag of “Jalapeno-Shrimp” flavored pork rinds, that she had accidentally brought instead of chips a few weeks ago. Rin was sitting in his lap, sharing the crunchy snacks, like he was her favorite uncle that had come to visit. They were pointing and laughing at the spectacle standing a few yards away.
It was Sesshomaru, but something was wrong.
“You cannot pass!” his voice was gruff. “ I am the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Arnor, dark fire will not avail you flame of Udun.” He held his arms up, as if deflecting a blow. “Go back to the shadows.” His arms came back down, driving the imaginary staff into the ground. “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!” He turned slowly, but fell flat on his face. Looking up he whispered, “Fly you fools!”
“CLICK”
“Oh my god, You killed Kenny!” “You bastards!”
His actions, facial expressions, the gestures, the voices. They were all perfect. A little too perfect. This was no longer Sesshomaru pretending to be different characters. Sesshomaru was not in control, the people in the box had taken over completely. The car was still driving, but there was no one behind the wheel.
“CLICK”
“Bad boys, bad boys. What ya gonna do, what ya gonna do when they come for you.” He ran in a circle around the well. “Weeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeoooooo. We just got a call on a domestic disturbance in the 2200 block of Pike and Main.” He walked a few steps forward and pretended to knock on a door. “Police department! We had a call about... Oh! He's runnin!” He began to run again, but this time back and forth in front of them, and finally dove flat on the ground.
“Hey, buddy, don't make this any harder on yourself. Oof, HEY!, Ouch!” He wrestled with himself on the ground apparently playing the part of both the law, and the perp. “Ok, now, settle down, If' ya hadn't a run, this could have gone a lot easier. Now I've gotta take you down town. You have the right to remain...” He suddenly changed character.
“Get yo hands offa my man! Don't you touch him!” the shrill voice screeched.
Back to the police officer, “Ma'am, aren't you the one that called 911?”
“Yeah, but I didn't want you to hurt him. I love him.”
“I love you too, Baby.” he answered in the deeper voice of the man on the ground.
“Oh, Baby!” he flopped down on the ground and began to sob.
“Uuuhhhhh, what's going on here?” Kagome couldn't figure out why the demon lord was acting like he was trying out for a Broadway show.
“Oh, hey Kagome.” InuYasha grinned up at her. She had never seen him so happy before, big smile on his face, acting... casual.
The girl in his lap jumped up and ran to hug her leg. “Oh, Kagome-sama, isn't it wonderful! Sesshomaru-sama is putting on a funny show for us.!” The child could hardly contain her excitement as she plopped back down in the hanyou's lap and reached for another pork rind.
“CLICK”
“Come on ladies, you can do it. And stretch, and step, and stretch, and step. And back , and up, and back , and up. And just two more now make em count. And up and kick, and up , and kick, and done! Wheeew! Good workout girls...”
And what a show it was. Kagome giggled into her hand as the once powerful killer stepped and kicked.
“CLICK”
“I. Wanna rock n roll all night, and party every day!” He jumped in the air while strumming his air-guitar furiously, and stuck out a long tongue and wiggled it all around. “Come on, everybody! I. Wanna rock n roll all night, and party every day.”
“CLICK”
“Are you sure nobody gonna see this?” He stumbled and bobbed, his voice high and slurred. “I mean my dad would KILL me if anyone ever saw this.” His drunken stumbling continued. Suddenly he grabbed his shirt and pulled it up over his head, exposing his chest, still stained a runny dirty brown. “Whoooo! Yeah! Spring break 2008, Cancun! Whooooooo! Girls Gone Wild, how do ya like these?!” He continued to flaunt “what his mama gave him”. Sango instinctively covered Shippo's eyes, while simultaneously leaning forward to stare.
“CLICK”
“Mmmmmmmmm, forbidden donut....DOH!
“CLICK”
“Now, here's a real beaut.” He stooped over, low to the ground, almost crawling, looking over his shoulder to talk to the camera. “See how she's snappin er jaws at me? Thats er way of sayin, 'keep away from my babies. Oh, she's absolutely georgous. Let's see if I can get in for a closer look. Oooh, she's a feisty one, ain't she?”
“CLICK”
“Alright, so we got our pasta on, now lets work on the sauce.” He began to stir various pots cooking on the range. “We got some tomatoes, some, celery, an onion, and six cloves of gaaaarlic. Tell ya what, lets kick it up a notch and add some Essence as well. BAM!”
“CLICK”
“Lucy! Get down here! You got some 'splanin to do!” “Oh, Ricky! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
“CLICK”
“And later, at seven, Chuck Norris is 'Walker, Texas Ranger'”
“CLICK”
Do You owe the I.R.S. more that $40,000.00?” “I owed the IRS so much money, I didn't know what I was gonna do.” “Associated Tax Relief and help you settle your tax debt for just pennies on the dollar.” “I owed $63,000.00. Associated Tax Relief helped me settle for only $1,200.00! Thanks Associated Tax Relief.”
“CLICK”
“Billy Mays here.” he declared as loudly as he could without actually shouting. “Do you wish your whites could be whiter and brighter? Well now they can, with OxiClean! Watch as I put OxiClean in this bucket of nasty water. It cuts right through the grit and the grime...”
Ok, this is getting out of hand. It had been funny for a few minutes, but now she was starting to get concerned. There has to be some way of stopping this train wreck. Maybe I can just talk to him, I mean, that's how this whole thing started, with him wanting to talk to me. Well, can't get any weirder than it already is.
“CLICK”
It's LOG, it's LOG, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.” His arms swung as he sang the jingle. “It's LOG, it's LOG, it's better than bad it's good. Everyone wants a LOG...everyone needs a LOG. LOG! By: BLAMMO”
“Sesshomaru?”
“CLICK”
“African-American-Nazi-vegetarian-cannibal-transsexual/transgender-prostitutes get the test results back to find out who their 'baby daddy' is. On the next...Maury.”
“Sesshomaru?”
“CLICK”
“I prey on those that prey on the innocent.” His arm came up to conceal his face. “I am vengeance, I am the night. I'm Batman”
“You in there?”
“CLICK”
There's a bomb on the bus.” “What?” “There's a bomb on the bus. Drive faster! If we don't keep this bus above 55 miles an hour... it's gonna explode!”
“Sesshomaru?”
“CLICK”
“So no one told you life was gonna be this way.” Clap, clap clap clap clap. “Your job's a joke, your broke, your love life's DOA. Seems like you're always stuck in second gear. When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. Well, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall. I'll be there for you, and you'll be there for me too.” “Ross, you slept with a waitress?” “We were on a break!!”
“Please talk to me.” she pleaded.
“CLICK”
“Never before has one CD compilation had so many of the best soft rock songs from the '70s, '80s, and '90s. Like this one: And I just cant fight this feelin any more...”
“Sota told me everything!” she crowed accusingly.
“CLICK”
“Vile woman. Victory will be mine!”
“Isn't there something you wanted to tell me?” she whispered
“CLICK”
“Martin, I'm sorry. Please extinguish your torch and collect your things to leave. You have been voted off the island.”
“I'm listening now!” she said, her voice rising in frustration.
“CLICK”
“Ok Bob,” his voice in a low whisper. “it looks as though he a has about a 12 to 14 foot putt for birdie. It isn't going to be an easy putt. Downhill, with a big break to the left. Lets see how he does.”
“Ok,now your starting to piss me off!” She stamped her foot.
“CLICK”
“It's just the freaks under your bed. In your closet, in your head!” more air-guitar, but with out the jumping. “Exit light-a, enter niiIight-a. Take my hand. Off to never, never land.”
Kagome did something she had never dreamed of doing. She slapped him, hard across the face. “Snap out of it!”
He said nothing and stared straight ahead for a moment. Yes! It worked! I hope he wont be too mad that I hit him.
“CLICK”
“SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! Bring the kids, bring your friends, bring your grandma. That's right Sunday at 2, at the Tokyo Motor Speedway, it's the biggest, most destructive display of four-wheeled-power ever. It's MONSTER TRUCK MADNESS. With special guest CAR-ZILLA! Watch as CAR-ZILLA crunches and burns the losers trucks beyond recognition! SUNDAY, SUND...”
Shit! Well guess it didn't work. What now?
“CLICK”
Have fun kids.
4>---->
Chapter 6: The Loop
Kagome was livid. She climbed up the ladder in the well. What did that little turd tell Sesshomaru to make him act this way?
She never thought the mighty leader of the dog demon tribe capable of humor at all, let alone the actions of the past couple of days. He has pushed it too far this time, telling him to act like that to impress me.
She stomped across the yard, her anger growing. If any demons had been nearby, they would have fled from the powerful aura that flowed and spiked around her. He probably told him which people to imitate, knowing that it would drive me nuts. I mean really, Captain Kirk? The Rock!?
She stood in the kitchen, seething. Her hands balled into hard fists. What's his problem anyway? It's all that manga he reads, and those stupid anime cartoons. He never does anything else! No wonder his brain is mush. I mean, how mentally deficient do you have to be to like that kind of stuff anyway. The only people that like it are adolescent boys, that can't talk to a girl, much less get a date. It's obvious, all the characters ever do is run around, and have adventures in some strange never, never land. Fighting giant monsters, and evil incarnate, and none of the main characters ever get killed!
She marched up the stairs, half expecting him to pop out of his room yelling, “Ha, ha! You just got punk'd!”and start laughing at the great joke he had played on her. I'll kill him! I will murder his ass, and then drag him down the well and get Sesshomaru to use Tensaiga to bring him back.
The thought of Sesshomaru slowed her for a moment. As angry as she was at the twerp, what she really wanted was to help the handsome demon. If for no other reason, but to find out what he had been trying to tell her. She stood outside his room, the door slightly open. I will kill him. But first, I'm gonna make him suffer.
She poked her head in the half open door. He sat with his back to the room, hunched over the desk, busily writing and scribbling. The TV was on with the volume turned down low. This is what he did most days after he got home from school. “I will become a Super Sayan! I will ascend to the next level and save my dad!” Boy, what a surprise.
The door squeaked a bit as she pushed it to step inside. He turned.
“Hey, Kagome. I didn't hear you come in. Did InuYasha come back with you this time?” he turned back to his drawing.
“Nope, just me. I just wanted to come say hi and see what was going on.”
“Not much, Mom will be back in a bit. She had to go tho the shops or something.”
She sat on the bed.
“Hey, don't you think that InuYasha and Sesshomaru look a lot alike?”
“Well sort of, they both look like they...” his head shot up. His whole body went rigid as the “Oh Shits” came washing over him again.
“I knew it! I knew it was you! Who else would force feed this... garbage to a demon, and expect him to know how to cope!?” she gestured to the TV. An image of a boy with wild hair, squatting down like he was constipated filled the screen.
“I swear, it wasn't my fault! Kagome you have to believe me. He just showed up when you were on your field trip to The Ramen History Museum. What was I supposed to do? Say 'sorry giant killing demon dog, I don't wanna watch TV with you.'”
Kagome was a bit stunned. She hadn't thought about how intimidated Sota would have been.
“You've told me about him before, remember? I was terrified! It's all your fault anyway!”
“My fault? What are you talking about? I had nothing to do with this. He just showed up, acting like John Wayne, and The Rock, and James Bond, and Captain Kirk, and” she hated to even say it, “David... Hasselhoff.”
Sota grinned, the mental images bouncing through his gray matter. “Wow, he was paying attention.”
“What! I knew it! You told him to do all that stupid stuff!”
“Listen, he showed up wanting to talk to you. He had plans for the two of you, that I will let him explain himself. He wanted to wait for three days out in the courtyard. I knew that somebody was going to DIE if I just left him out there. He came in here and watched TV the whole time you were gone. He freaked out when I told him that you were about to get home and jumped back down the well again. I was just happy to be alive and still have all my appendages.” He was breathing hard.
“He came here to talk to me? So he liked me before you put all that trash inside his head?”
“It wasn't me! He hogged the remote the whole time. He asked me questions about every show, and all the characters. He was especially interested in learning about the guys that seemed to get all the chicks. I thought I'd help him out a bit, and explain how stuff works in the 21st century.”
“But Kirk, Sota, Captain Kirk. How could you let him think that William Shatner was anywhere near cool?”
“Look, the guy flies in a spaceship, shoots lasers, and sleeps with green skinned alien women. If that's not cool, I don't know what is.”
“But Kirk! Sota! He asked me to go to his, 'metal flying bird and see his shiny buttons', for crying out loud. Seriously, Kirk”
“Look, I felt bad for the guy, I mean what if you liked somebody, a lot. But they were from a different culture, a different time, a different world, a different... species. I would be pretty hard figuring out what to say, and how to say it. Plus, he honestly seemed to like you. He seemed pretty impressed with you.”
“Really?” her girlyness returning. “What did he say about me?”
Sota thought back. Hmmm... lets see... wench... rut... mate... pups. “No way, I'm not getting in the middle of this again. If you wanna know how he feels, go ask him.” The boy folded his arms across his chest and gave her his best “wild horses couldn't drag it out of me” look.
“You're right, I do need to go and talk to him. Geez, Sota, when did you get so smart?”
“Well somebody round here has to.” He tried his best to look wise and learned about such things. In reality, he was just glad to have gotten out of it unscathed. He had seen his sister's wrath visited upon InuYasha on more than one occasion, and he shuddered to think of what hideous spell she could put him under if angered enough.
“So, what ya workin on there?” She was trying to change the subject away from her circus of a love life.
“Oh, it's just something I do for practice.”
She picked up the spiral notebook and began to flip through the pages. It was filled with images of her friends and their enemies from the feudal era.
“You've done a manga of us in the past? This is really good. You've got InuYasha down perfect.”
“Well, you tell me the stories of your adventures hunting for the shards, and I just wanted to have it all down somewhere. See, here are the rest.”
She looked down and saw a stack of yellow covered notebooks on the floor. “Wow, how many of our adventures do you have here?” She picked up another and started looking for a picture of herself.
“All of them. The one I'm working on now is what you told me about last week. Oooww! What was that for?!”
She had thumped him on the head.
“My skirt is not that short! I mean, the way you drew it, it's not a skirt at all! It's just a pleated belt and legs.” She looked back and forth from the illustration and herself for comparison.
“You have got to go back through these and lengthen my skirt. Other than that these are great.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
“And leave the current predicament out, please.”
“Well, I'll think about it.”
She stepped out of his room as he turned back to the desk. She really did love her little brother, and the drawings he had done were excellent.
“Oh,” her head poked back inside the room, “you might want to find a better hiding place for that GREEN COVERED NOTEBOOK, I don't think mom would understand.”
With a yell, he dove under his bed to retrieve his prized collection, and began furiously looking for a better place to conceal it from those that didn't understand his love.
She giggled as she walked down the stairs, headed for the door. Now to deal with Sesshomaru.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
She pulled on the vines hauling herself up toward the mouth of the well. How many times do I have to ask that idiot to build me a ladder. Is that really too much to ask? “Look at me, I'm InuYasha, I can jump a hundred feet in the air, now carry that heavy pack filled with Ramen so I can eat it all, and then complain about how pathetic and weak you are.” She thought in her best internal monologue InuYasha voice.
Her head poked over the top of the well. Usually the clearing was deserted when she arrived, or InuYasha would be sitting there yelling at her for how long she had been gone this time. This time a most unexpected sight greeted her.
All her friends were there. Kaede, Sango, Kirara, and Shippo sat on the grass just a few feet away. Jaken was there pacing, and wringing his hands and muttering, “Oh dear, Oh dear, what are we going to do?” Even AhUn was there, further off, happily munching on the best grass that Rin had found for him.
She stepped over the rim, and almost landed on InuYasha. He was sitting, back against the well, with a bag of “Jalapeno-Shrimp” flavored pork rinds, that she had accidentally brought instead of chips a few weeks ago. Rin was sitting in his lap, sharing the crunchy snacks, like he was her favorite uncle that had come to visit. They were pointing and laughing at the spectacle standing a few yards away.
It was Sesshomaru, but something was wrong.
“You cannot pass!” his voice was gruff. “ I am the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Arnor, dark fire will not avail you flame of Udun.” He held his arms up, as if deflecting a blow. “Go back to the shadows.” His arms came back down, driving the imaginary staff into the ground. “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!” He turned slowly, but fell flat on his face. Looking up he whispered, “Fly you fools!”
“CLICK”
“Oh my god, You killed Kenny!” “You bastards!”
His actions, facial expressions, the gestures, the voices. They were all perfect. A little too perfect. This was no longer Sesshomaru pretending to be different characters. Sesshomaru was not in control, the people in the box had taken over completely. The car was still driving, but there was no one behind the wheel.
“CLICK”
“Bad boys, bad boys. What ya gonna do, what ya gonna do when they come for you.” He ran in a circle around the well. “Weeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeoooooo. We just got a call on a domestic disturbance in the 2200 block of Pike and Main.” He walked a few steps forward and pretended to knock on a door. “Police department! We had a call about... Oh! He's runnin!” He began to run again, but this time back and forth in front of them, and finally dove flat on the ground.
“Hey, buddy, don't make this any harder on yourself. Oof, HEY!, Ouch!” He wrestled with himself on the ground apparently playing the part of both the law, and the perp. “Ok, now, settle down, If' ya hadn't a run, this could have gone a lot easier. Now I've gotta take you down town. You have the right to remain...” He suddenly changed character.
“Get yo hands offa my man! Don't you touch him!” the shrill voice screeched.
Back to the police officer, “Ma'am, aren't you the one that called 911?”
“Yeah, but I didn't want you to hurt him. I love him.”
“I love you too, Baby.” he answered in the deeper voice of the man on the ground.
“Oh, Baby!” he flopped down on the ground and began to sob.
“Uuuhhhhh, what's going on here?” Kagome couldn't figure out why the demon lord was acting like he was trying out for a Broadway show.
“Oh, hey Kagome.” InuYasha grinned up at her. She had never seen him so happy before, big smile on his face, acting... casual.
The girl in his lap jumped up and ran to hug her leg. “Oh, Kagome-sama, isn't it wonderful! Sesshomaru-sama is putting on a funny show for us.!” The child could hardly contain her excitement as she plopped back down in the hanyou's lap and reached for another pork rind.
“CLICK”
“Come on ladies, you can do it. And stretch, and step, and stretch, and step. And back , and up, and back , and up. And just two more now make em count. And up and kick, and up , and kick, and done! Wheeew! Good workout girls...”
And what a show it was. Kagome giggled into her hand as the once powerful killer stepped and kicked.
“CLICK”
“I. Wanna rock n roll all night, and party every day!” He jumped in the air while strumming his air-guitar furiously, and stuck out a long tongue and wiggled it all around. “Come on, everybody! I. Wanna rock n roll all night, and party every day.”
“CLICK”
“Are you sure nobody gonna see this?” He stumbled and bobbed, his voice high and slurred. “I mean my dad would KILL me if anyone ever saw this.” His drunken stumbling continued. Suddenly he grabbed his shirt and pulled it up over his head, exposing his chest, still stained a runny dirty brown. “Whoooo! Yeah! Spring break 2008, Cancun! Whooooooo! Girls Gone Wild, how do ya like these?!” He continued to flaunt “what his mama gave him”. Sango instinctively covered Shippo's eyes, while simultaneously leaning forward to stare.
“CLICK”
“Mmmmmmmmm, forbidden donut....DOH!
“CLICK”
“Now, here's a real beaut.” He stooped over, low to the ground, almost crawling, looking over his shoulder to talk to the camera. “See how she's snappin er jaws at me? Thats er way of sayin, 'keep away from my babies. Oh, she's absolutely georgous. Let's see if I can get in for a closer look. Oooh, she's a feisty one, ain't she?”
“CLICK”
“Alright, so we got our pasta on, now lets work on the sauce.” He began to stir various pots cooking on the range. “We got some tomatoes, some, celery, an onion, and six cloves of gaaaarlic. Tell ya what, lets kick it up a notch and add some Essence as well. BAM!”
“CLICK”
“Lucy! Get down here! You got some 'splanin to do!” “Oh, Ricky! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
“CLICK”
“And later, at seven, Chuck Norris is 'Walker, Texas Ranger'”
“CLICK”
Do You owe the I.R.S. more that $40,000.00?” “I owed the IRS so much money, I didn't know what I was gonna do.” “Associated Tax Relief and help you settle your tax debt for just pennies on the dollar.” “I owed $63,000.00. Associated Tax Relief helped me settle for only $1,200.00! Thanks Associated Tax Relief.”
“CLICK”
“Billy Mays here.” he declared as loudly as he could without actually shouting. “Do you wish your whites could be whiter and brighter? Well now they can, with OxiClean! Watch as I put OxiClean in this bucket of nasty water. It cuts right through the grit and the grime...”
Ok, this is getting out of hand. It had been funny for a few minutes, but now she was starting to get concerned. There has to be some way of stopping this train wreck. Maybe I can just talk to him, I mean, that's how this whole thing started, with him wanting to talk to me. Well, can't get any weirder than it already is.
“CLICK”
It's LOG, it's LOG, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.” His arms swung as he sang the jingle. “It's LOG, it's LOG, it's better than bad it's good. Everyone wants a LOG...everyone needs a LOG. LOG! By: BLAMMO”
“Sesshomaru?”
“CLICK”
“African-American-Nazi-vegetarian-cannibal-transsexual/transgender-prostitutes get the test results back to find out who their 'baby daddy' is. On the next...Maury.”
“Sesshomaru?”
“CLICK”
“I prey on those that prey on the innocent.” His arm came up to conceal his face. “I am vengeance, I am the night. I'm Batman”
“You in there?”
“CLICK”
There's a bomb on the bus.” “What?” “There's a bomb on the bus. Drive faster! If we don't keep this bus above 55 miles an hour... it's gonna explode!”
“Sesshomaru?”
“CLICK”
“So no one told you life was gonna be this way.” Clap, clap clap clap clap. “Your job's a joke, your broke, your love life's DOA. Seems like you're always stuck in second gear. When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. Well, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall. I'll be there for you, and you'll be there for me too.” “Ross, you slept with a waitress?” “We were on a break!!”
“Please talk to me.” she pleaded.
“CLICK”
“Never before has one CD compilation had so many of the best soft rock songs from the '70s, '80s, and '90s. Like this one: And I just cant fight this feelin any more...”
“Sota told me everything!” she crowed accusingly.
“CLICK”
“Vile woman. Victory will be mine!”
“Isn't there something you wanted to tell me?” she whispered
“CLICK”
“Martin, I'm sorry. Please extinguish your torch and collect your things to leave. You have been voted off the island.”
“I'm listening now!” she said, her voice rising in frustration.
“CLICK”
“Ok Bob,” his voice in a low whisper. “it looks as though he a has about a 12 to 14 foot putt for birdie. It isn't going to be an easy putt. Downhill, with a big break to the left. Lets see how he does.”
“Ok,now your starting to piss me off!” She stamped her foot.
“CLICK”
“It's just the freaks under your bed. In your closet, in your head!” more air-guitar, but with out the jumping. “Exit light-a, enter niiIight-a. Take my hand. Off to never, never land.”
Kagome did something she had never dreamed of doing. She slapped him, hard across the face. “Snap out of it!”
He said nothing and stared straight ahead for a moment. Yes! It worked! I hope he wont be too mad that I hit him.
“CLICK”
“SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! Bring the kids, bring your friends, bring your grandma. That's right Sunday at 2, at the Tokyo Motor Speedway, it's the biggest, most destructive display of four-wheeled-power ever. It's MONSTER TRUCK MADNESS. With special guest CAR-ZILLA! Watch as CAR-ZILLA crunches and burns the losers trucks beyond recognition! SUNDAY, SUND...”
Shit! Well guess it didn't work. What now?
“CLICK”