You have brought this upon yourself

—Remembering someone doing or "Saying something."—

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Inuyasha sat on an overturned wooden bucket in the cedar bathing room. He felt, smelled, and looked disgusting. Dried patches of semen, blood, and sweat caked his fair skin. The various injuries had healed beautifully, but he now had pierced nipples and it only added to his immense displeasure.



His brother had left him at the butt-crack of dawn, but to do what, he wasn’t sure. The vague reply the drained hanyou had gotten was that he had “business to attend to.”



“Whatever the fuck that means.” Inuyasha groused, not willing to admit he was lonely. After being in a pack for so long, a decade was a long time to go without companions. He untied the leather strap that held the long braid together and gave it a quick comb. His heart was heavy as he looked at his reflection.



He looked odd now.



Unacceptably weird and it made him want to break the mirror to feel better. He wanted to tear down the damn shoin-zukuri. Destroy the empty shell that his brother took for granted.



“With its unused, fully operational, empty fucken kitchen! 'I'm a badass youkai! I need not human food! ROAR!' I woulda guessed him more of a castle man. Surrounded by his many minions and drinking sake from the lips of some sacrificial virgin or something equally outstanding. Of even lounging in youkai form and being groomed by a herd of underage children like the sick FUCK he is.” The hanyou scowled at his reflection with his shiner, thanks to the youkai’s sleeping habits. He was starving, too. There wasn’t anything to eat in the shoin-zukuri, though. He would have hunted if it hadn’t been for his smell.



He tipped the water bucket, dousing his body with steaming water. The reflection mocked him by revealing a white cap of hair clinging to his skull. His ears were set back, twitching the excess water after a moment. “I’d trash the house if there was anything to trash. I can’t even find my fucken hitoe and hakama. How the fuck can I leave without my clothes? There isn’t even a kimono in the damned place! Only yukata! Who runs away in a shitty-ass yukata? He’d like that though. Chase me down in something that barely ranks higher then underwear. Perverted youkai has the most warped sense of humor in this fucken’ country!”



He snatched the rag draped over the lip of the rinse bucket and stared at the surprising collection of clay pots in front of him. They all smelled the same.



Mikan.



“Who woulda guessed he was such a bitch when it came to smell?” The hanyou mumbled, brow drawing together as he looked into the almost empty jars. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice. Guess he'd sweat it off by the time we caught up with one another. Maybe it's one of his dirty secrets. Bet he dyes his hair, too. What respectable youkai smells like fruit?”



…



“Kagome always smelled like a walking fruit and flower basket when she came back.”



……



“Oh, screw it.”



Inuyasha scrubbed himself thoroughly, wanting to shed bitter tears as he lathered his hair. It pissed him off that his brother had so much, yet still took away from what little his younger brother had.



Sesshomaru had a home, a pack, the lands and youkai to rule. Yet, he neglected the first two. Where were Rin and Janken? Did he actually scare them off? He’d seemed almost touchable when they were with him. Inuyasha had imagined that his brother had truly enjoyed their company to keep them around as long as he did. If that was so, why was that large shoin-zukuri so empty and lonely now? There wasn’t another youkai within five miles of the place. No humans, either.



Inuyasha wasn’t one to look beyond the surface when it came to his brother. The superciliousness the youkai prince oozed didn’t inspire close examination for long. It was hard to see through that impressive mask he wore—



—The snarling, jealousy twisted face unrecognizable as it encompassed his entire vision.—



—A rueful grin flashing above him and the answering flutter of his heart—



No, that meant nothing. His brother was incapable of having such petty human emotions like regret and jealousy. The youkai prince was the perfect youkai. He only felt anger and arrogance, like the selfish, thoughtless, uncaring, condescending and goal orientated bastard that he was.



“Who cuts my fucken hair!”



He rinsed himself thoroughly and dropped the bucket carelessly onto the tiled floor. He stomped to the heavy wooden door, sliding it open roughly and stepping into the changing area. He toweled off violently, simmering in his angry thoughts about older brothers that didn’t know how good they had it. He shrugged on the dark red yukata he’d borrowed from his brother’s closet and tugged the belt into a knot fiercely.



When I get outta this, I’m going to spend time with Sango—



“SANGO! FUCK!” The hanyou crashed out of the bathhouse, sprinting a few feet into the open and turning around in circles. If that is the business he spoke of…if Sesshomaru even heads to the northeast where the taijiya resides, I’ll fucken hunt him down!



He inhaled carefully and relaxed. His brother was barely a mile south. His sensitive nose detected three dead rabbits in his possession. Heading back towards his cold, barren shoin-zukuri. Inuyasha dragged his fingers through the shorn tresses in relief. When his hand slid free, his anger renewed and he tromped into the shoin-zukuri.



The focus of the hanyou’s fury was heading back up his mountain at a ground-eating pace. Three good-sized rabbits hung from his hand. It was near noon and he guessed his houseguest would be ready for something to eat. The tall youkai had been famished when he’d left his brother to check on his lands. The sex had taken more from him than he expected. His brother must be suffering worse considering the amount of healing his body had to attend to.



I should have taken him again this morning. Sesshomaru complained silently, feeling randy as his brother’s resting form dominated his thoughts. He is a wild man in his sleep. I wonder what he would have done if I had woken him up with a little poke. If he is still sleeping, I think I will.



He slowed down when the building was in view, working on curbing his growing enthusiasm. He wasn’t even sure why he bothered even having it built. He never spent much time there at all. He’d had more consecutive time spent there with Inuyasha then he had in the seven years he’d had it. Even from a distance, he could tell that the hanyou had been through the entire house and visited the bathhouse. Conflicting emotion signatures were left in his wake, giving the youkai clue to his brother’s mood.



There goes that plan. Maybe I can corner him, take him against the wall. Will he struggle? At least he took a bath. Good to know that his hygiene is acceptable. Pets are no good if you have to spend all your time rearing them. It feels odd to return to someone waiting. The last time there was someone else at the shoin-zukuri was when Rin visited. That was…three years ago?



The shoji to his room was open and he slipped off his boots before stepping onto the hisashi, mildly surprised to see the hanyou in his yukata. Inuyasha was clad completely in his scent, the younger brother’s musk mingling easily. The youkai wasn’t sure how to feel about it, so he decided it best to just not comment.



“Shouldn’t you use the genkan? That generally is where someone enters.” Inuyasha taunted from the tatami floor. “Saves trouble instead of carrying boots around, idiot.”



“I never bother to follow human procedures. I am the owner, in any case.” Sesshomaru droned in a genial way.



His younger brother was obviously angry and his last words didn’t improve the hanyou’s mood. The wafting tang of mikan made his loins ache. His back was to the youkai; arms moving slowly as he combed what Sesshomaru had left of his hair. The hanyou turned, head tilted back slightly as those gold eyes locked on his. He was slightly confused on why he had a black eye.



“Where’re my clothes?” Inuyasha asked, face hard. Sesshomaru didn’t answer, setting the rabbits down on the hisashi.



“Food for the starving hanyou. If you have any sense, you will think of a proper way to thank me.” The youkai informed him.



“It’s raw.” Inuyasha pointed out petulantly.



“You have still got youkai in you. Deal with it. I am not your father.” Sesshomaru turned sharply when he felt his brother stand. “What happened to your eye? Are you so clumsy as to have fallen?”



“You hit me, bastard!” Inuyasha snapped, peeved the youkai didn’t remember smacking him during the night.



“I did no such thing.” A silver brow rose.



“Twice. While you were asleep, jackass.” He continued in annoyance, hackles rising. “I’ll never sleep with your ass again. I’ve known humans more mild mannered in sleep than you! Were you dreaming that I was kicking your ass, bastard?”



Sesshomaru turned to face him, eyes hard. “Do not compare me to a human. You used my body as a leg rest for most of the night! You whimper like the dog you are named after, hanyou. Were you dreaming of me fondling you, little brother?”



They growled at one another for a breath. Inuyasha couldn’t help but notice what an imposing figure his brother made in his armor and Mokomoko. His silver hair shimmered in the afternoon light spilling into the room. What would it be like to top him? To be the dominant one and stare down at that almost womanly figure below him? Would Sesshomaru even allow it? Would it be a fight to have the pleasure? There was no question that his brother was a virgin.



His body tightened at the thought. He was covered in the youkai’s scent. The charge in the air noticeably changed and Inuyasha took a step up closer to the taller youkai. Sesshomaru couldn’t move, staring down at his younger brother guardedly. He recalled the activities he’d mulled over on the way back.



Inuyasha shook himself mentally. He didn’t need to have such high aspirations as to fuck his brother. Not that it was a bad goal, but it was one that would take far more work then he was interested in to achieve it. It would take time that he didn’t want to invest, that he was afraid to invest. It would be too easy to delude himself if he stayed.



“Where are my clothes?” Inuyasha repeated, taking a step back and scratching the back of his neck in frustration.



“Why do you need them?” Sesshomaru asked, eyes flicking over him. “You are wearing my yukata.”



“You’re done with me, right? You’ve had your fun. I’m going.” The hanyou informed him, crossing his arms over his chest as he drew his black brows together into a scowl.



“I believe I am far from done with you.” Sesshomaru gave a slow smile, pleased when his brother blushed deeply. He could almost see the steam rising from the pale skin. “I have yet to bore of you.”



The hanyou’s face drained of color after the words, his lips twisted into a snarl and eyes narrowed to slits. “Well, that’s fucken’ typical. I’d rather not wait until you bore of me, thanks all the same.”



Sesshomaru blinked at the snide remark, pondering the sudden change. He sighed, deciding that his brother was just being petulant. He began to remove the spiked pauldron from the upper section of his cuirass. “I want you out of that yukata and ready to entertain me when I am finished undressing, little brother.”



—“Fuck, Maru-nii!”—



The youkai prince turned quickly so his brother wouldn’t see the hot flush from the memory of the hastily called name. Maybe he could get him to scream that again.



Mokomoko slide from his shoulder, curling up in the corner like a content dog. Sesshomaru used the chance to remove his cuirass, sash and kimono. His white nagajuban hung open and he bent over, removing his tabi.



“Did it ever occur to you that I could bore of you, fucker?” Inuyasha asked fingers fisting into the silver hair and yanking, much as his brother did to him. He was outraged that he was treated in such an offhand way. What the fuck does he think I am? A housedog to train to heel? Fuck him!



Sesshomaru was caught off guard, so his head snapped back and his body was obligated to follow or let the neck break. He was too astonished to react at first, stumbling back with the force Inuyasha had put into it. The words sunk in and the shock dissolved in the flare of anger. He twirled and caught the hanyou by the throat, lifting him into the air.



“You are trying my patience, little brother.” He enlightened the hanyou. The face twisted with pain, breath wheezing through the constricted passage. “I do you a favor and this is how you repay me?”



“What….favor?” Inuyasha gasped out, clawed fingers digging into the flesh of his captor’s wrist. How weak could a person fucking get? His brother was the epitome of girly-ness and he subdued him without breaking a sweat! Worthless, weak, unloved…that’s what he was. He was only a diversion to his perfect brother. Something to take the boredom away until he tired of the hanyou! Always used and discarded when he had no more use.



“I bring you into my home and bring you food. What were you doing before, little brother? You were wandering aimlessly and the only goal that I could see you working towards was avoiding me.” He dropped the hanyou, confused by the swell of pride and need when his brother didn’t stumble or fall when he feet him the ground once more.



“I was looking for something, not like it’s your business, shithead.” He rasped, blinking away the tears that had gathered at the near chocking experience. He’d been looking for a home. A place that he could settle in and pretend to be human. All he had to do was disguise his ears. He’d do some odd job and make a living. Maybe cook ramen. He’d do anything to find a place to belong, even if it was a lie. “I don’t like rabbits much anyway, fucker.”



“I do believe it is my business.” Sesshomaru towered over the hanyou, who refused to back down. “You should return the bravado wherever you obtained it from. Maybe I should have gathered the taijiya or the other bitch for the slaughter as I promised.”



“What makes you think I’d just sit here and wait for you, dumbass?” The shorter man asked incredulous. I know he’s not bluffing, not the perfect, infallible youkai. It does seem like he’s just trying to get me to obey, though.



“I do not believe I would give you a choice.”



“So what? If I let you fuck me, all quiet and meek like a bitch, you’ll be content?” I cannot believe I’m having this conversation with my brother.



“Would it be possible? Would that not be the same as admitting that you enjoy my attentions?” Sesshomaru goaded, taking a step closer to the now flushing hanyou. “Tell me you like what I do to you.”



Inuyasha froze, thoughts beyond his reach. This was a critical moment. This was the time to make a decision. If he lied, he’d be punished and it would only fuel the fire. If he admitted to it, then he would be stuck. For how long, he didn’t know. He would end up hurt; there was no question there. Just as when he was small. He’d be cast out when Sesshomaru no longer desired his attentions.



He’d be homeless again.



Fuck, I still am. He’s only trying to turn me into his whore. Sesshomaru only seems to want it when I won’t give it, anyway. He likes rape. He likes hurting me and making me beg. He just wants the joy of breaking me. Oh, hell. How twisted am I for understanding this? How twisted am I for liking him trying to break me? His entire focus is on me then. It’s like his world revolves around me.



Like the way Sango looks at Miroku.



Oh, shit. If this means what I think this means, I’m in more trouble than I thought. I’m perverse. I’ve finally lost my mind due to sex overdose. There’s no way Sesshomaru would see me as more than an object.



“You only like the challenge of fighting me into submitting, you twisted fuck. If it isn’t rape, you don’t want shit to do with me. You don’t see me as an equal, friend or even a fucken brother. I’m a temporary toy or pet.” Inuyasha stated tonelessly, gold eyes clear and frank. Admit it. Admit that you wouldn’t want me willing or surprise me.



Sesshomaru remained silent, trying for once, to read deeper into his brother’s words. It was hard to imagine that the thick skulled hanyou had a brain between his furry ears, but there were times it showed. His aura was defensive, holding the taint of hope and old wounds. That meant that Inuyasha wasn’t going to give anything unless Sesshomaru did the same. Give what, the youkai wasn’t quite sure of.



The hanyou thinks I do not see him as anything beyond an object that much is clear. I admit that my actions could be construed in that fashion. I have threatened the other partners that he has seen fit to lie with out of jealousy. It is embarrassing for me to admit to have been acting out of envy, but I have been. I suppose he still deems our play as rape despite his own release and embracing me on both occasions at the end.



The challenge is enticing, but I have him here and I still want him. I did not envision a fight with him on the way home, but a coupling. Before it had been about the mastery, the submission, but I think I am now seriously confused on what I want. What do I want from Inuyasha?



The answer, when it came unbidden, nearly bowled him over. He wanted companionship from him. They were tied through blood already. His brother had helped in the past, had maimed while he was in his youkai form. There was unfathomable strength buried in that imperfect package. They were two sides of the same coin, the left and right fang crafted by their father. Meant to be together and not opposing.



I do not think he meant for us to be lovers that I must acknowledge. Sesshomaru thought wryly. Together we are meant to do the impossible and the swords he left us are meant to reflect what he wanted us to recognize in ourselves. Inuyasha was his inner strength in the protection of others. Mine was that I should care for the lives of others…especially my brother’s.



Tenseiga. The cast off of Tetsusaiya, complete only when the two touch.



I was cast off when Inuyasha was conceived. I remember seeing the child and not understanding why, detesting him for it. My loathing only increased when I learned of the origins of the sword Father had given me. To have my younger, half-brother fighting to protect ME, Sesshomaru the perfect youkai, as if I need shelter from harm like some invalid.



Bakusaiga is the proof that I surpassed my father and the need for the healing blade and the killing blade. That I should not need either of them again and I could stand alone and no longer in someone’s shadow.



Surpassed my brother who will never be human or youkai. The hanyou that will have to rely on Tetsusaiya and will eventually fall prey in spite of his profound ability to withstand pain and will.



There was a shift of clothing and Sesshomaru was dragged from the stormy depths of his thoughts. They were bound by fate, blood and flesh. Sesshomaru knew that his brother was looking for a proclamation of some sort. The older brother felt vulnerable, not willing to delve back into the depths to examine his feelings. How would he recognize them?



His childhood had been sketchy at best, his mother as lovable as any pedigree-obsessed youkai could be. There was no room in perfection for emotions. Emotions were a human illness. To feel them was to be on their level.



We are, in the eloquent words of my little brother, really fucked up.



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I'm afraid the next update will be a while. I'm moving a couple of states over and starting a new job. I'm sorry for leaving everyone on a cliff hanger! Hopefully I'll be settled enough to update in a week. I do have plans and I will finish it!