Check One: YES - NO - MAYBE

Authors Note: Sorry for the posting delay. I had a hard time with the second half of this chapter. There was supposed to be another character, but I just couldn't pull it off the way I wanted to. I may post it after the story is finished as a “Deleted Scene” or something.

Special thanks to Miss Kagura for her encouragement. I know I shouldn't support your habit, but here's a whole plate of cookies, just for you. Enjoy

Chapter 5: The Breakdown


The group had caught up with Kagome and InuYasha a couple of hundred yards down the path. InuYasha had wanted to run, carrying her the whole way to the well. But there was no way she would leave her friends behind, especially not knowing who Sesshomaru would materialize as next.

They had continued on till nightfall and made camp. InuYasha had protested, complaining about humans and their pathetic eyesight.

Their had eaten Ramen, lovely Ramen, food of ninjas and the very gods themselves. Afterwards, Kagome had dug a small hole and buried the Styrofoam and paper bowls as she did every night. She often wondered if some archaeologist, 500 years from now, might come out of a dig with a ancient demon bone in one hand, and a Ramen bowl in the other. She giggled at the confused look he would have on his face, and how they would try to rationally explain it in some nerdy science journal.

She turned, and noticed InuYasha looking directly at her. He hadn't let her out of his sight all afternoon, and insisted on standing quite close by when she had ducked behind a bush earlier.

Normally she would have welcomed the attention from him. She cared for him deeply, and for so long had wanted so badly for him to care for her in the same way. But, in the past few days, her thoughts had turned to someone else. She couldn't deny that she had always found him attractive, in a cold, distant, arrogant, pompous, snotty, smooth, warm, silvery, golden, powerful, very sexy kind of way.

A yelp broke her mental drifting, and she turned her attention back to the camp. Sango stood over Miroku's limp form. He lay on the ground, obviously a recipient of the slayers iron fist.

“Well, if you're not able to figure out how to do it, I'll find someone who can!”

She reached down and grabbed hers and Kagome's packs.

“Come on Kagome, lets go take a bath. I saw a hot spring just out of screaming distance on the way here.”

“Oh no you don't! The hanyou dropped from his perch. “Sango, you can go, but she's staying here.”

“InuYasha, I'd hoped that you could go just one day without me telling you to SIT!”

She flounced past his flattened form.

“I will go where I want, when I want.” She turned and pointed a finger at the slowly rising figure. “And if I even suspect that you've followed us, you'll be sleeping in a hole!”

Miroku looked over at his dirt-loving companion and mumbled, “Women, you can't live with em, but I'm sure as hell not sleeping with you.” he instinctively flexed his pecs, willing them to perform as she desired.

Sango and Kagome relaxed in the warm waters of the spring, letting the soothing heat melt off the stress of the day. Kagome finally felt the last of the headache from last nights interlude fade from her temples, and disappear.

Crickets chirped, frogs croaked, and giraffes whistled in the darkness. The quiet was calming. For some reason, there was always plenty of light, even though it was the middle of the night. The stars twinkled overhead, like a thousand blazing suns, millions of light years away.

“Kagome”

“Yeah, Sango”

“What do you want out of life? I mean, if Naraku is destroyed, and the jewel is completed, and you can go home. What are you gonna do with your life then?”

“I'm not sure. I haven't really thought about doing anything, except for finding all the shards for so long. I guess I'LL finish school and go to college. I always wanted to be a dancer, or a quantum physicist, but I'll probably just end up being a leg model. What about you?”

“I think that Miroku and I are gonna open up a male strip club.”

“What?!”

“You know, a place where women come and watch guys take their clothes off and dance around. And if they thought the guy was really hot, they could give him some extra money and he would...”

A falling form interrupted their conversation, as something splashed into the pool in front of them. They shook the water from their eyes and looked to see what had disturbed their rest.

The smiling face of a small girl bobbed to the surface.

“Help! Help me! I am unable to swim on my own. I ate a large meal less that half an hour ago, and now I am in pain. Please help me! Is there no -sama who can save me?!”

Rin thrashed about, splashing and flailing her arms.

Both girls moved to help the child, forgetting in whose company she always traveled.

“It's OK Rin, I'll help you.”

As the girls got closer, it seemed as though the girl was playing a joke on them. She was still splashing about, but she was smiling and giggling the whole time. As if it was a game that they didn't know about.

“I'll save you, helpless human female!” A deep voice called across the water.

He seemed to run towards them in slow motion. His natural grace and athleticism gave him the ability to look like he was jogging on the moon. His skin, instead of it's usual alabaster, was brown and glistening. He wore a pair of red shorts, and nothing else.

He leaped from the far side of the spring, and landed lightly beside the “drowning” child.

Scooping her swiftly from the waist deep water, he carried her, under his arm to the shore and laid her in the grass. The girls followed. As strange as he had been acting, there was no was they were going to miss this show.

“Come on, Pull through!” He leaned down and blew into her face several times. Rin giggled as his warm breath tickled her eyelashes.

“Come on! Don't give up on me!” He blew several more times and started to hit her lightly, on the chest, with his fists.

“Breathe, damn you, breathe!” Still smiling, she coughed several times and sat up.

Oh, thank you Ses-s-s, The Hasselhoff-sama for saving me with your powerful breathing technique.”

She jumped up, ran back to the pool of water, and began to sing as she squished her toes in the mud, “Candy ass, candy ass, smacking down a candy ass.” It has become her favorite new song, and she loved to show her toad protector how loud and long she could keep it going.

He stood, “Yes, I am, The Hasselhoff, protector of the sandy lake.”

He remembered when he and the boy had been watching TV. Sota had been quite interested in this particular show.

“What is this?” he had asked the boy at the start of every program.

“Dude, it's the Hoff.”

“The Hoff?

“Yeah, The Hasselhoff. Man, I wish I could be him. I mean just look what he is surrounded by!”

Sesshomaru had observed how this human male had, thrown himself into the water and saved others. The barely clothed females had gazed adoringly at him. He was obviously revered among his people, a hero, a god.

He turned his attention back to the females who stared at him. Yes, this is who the ninjen wants. He is kind and helps others, as she does.

“I am sworn to protect the slow-witted people of this place, whether by running slowly on the sand, or going quite fast in my speeding boat. As you can see, we are both dressed quite immodestly, and yet I am unashamed.”

Sango's eyes were glued to his brown nipples, not wanting to blink, lest she miss a twitch.

Sota! It had to be Sota. Kagome slapped her forehead in realization. That little Hentai shit loved this show. But how had he convinced the Inu to watch with him?

“Sesshomaru-sama,” she laid a hand on his arm. “Please tell me what is going on. Why do you keep appearing and putting on these shows for me? I really don't understand.” She looked up into his eyes, “But I want to try.”

He gazed back down at her, his arm tingling under her touch. It's working! She has fallen under The Hasselhoff's spell. She cannot resist him, errrr, me.

“I am surrounded every day by women with large buoyant bosoms, and good pup bearing hips. And I see that today is no exception.”

She looked down at her wet bathing suit, began to blush.

“You have no reason to feel embarrassed. Please come with me, I will show you my house, built on tall legs, where I spy on scantily clad women, who are too stupid to stay out of the dangerous waters.”

She pulled back to cover herself when she felt something on her palm. It was brown and oily, like oil mixed with dirt. She glanced down at the dog to see rivers of muddy oil running down his legs from where he had jumped in the water earlier.

She was really starting to be concerned.

“Please, can't you just tell me what's going on now? I know you went to my time somehow and watched TV. From this,” she gestured to the strange sight before her. Brown on top, red in the middle, and white on the bottom. “ I'm guessing that you did it with my little brother. Is this his idea of a joke?” The thought made her angry. “ Telling you to dress up and follow me around like some freaky film student psychopath?”

He was loosing her, quick, say something sooth, something cool, something ... Hoff.

“Shall I remove your wet clothes to prevent you from catching a cold sickness? I would be happy to provide you with heat from my own body also. I believe the custom requires that we kiss as well.”

“That's enough! I cant take any more of this!” Kagome screamed her frustration into the dark!

Almost immediately a blur of red and white appeared streaking down from the trees. InuYasha had been sitting just out of hearing distance, waiting for them to return. He had thought of checking on them visually, but remembered the miko's earlier threat.

“What the hell? Is that you Sesshomaru?” he stared openly, trying to discern just who he was supposed to be.

“Ruffian, you will terrorize the good people of the sandy beach no longer.” At first, he was annoyed at the hanyou's appearance, but then realized that it gave him another opportunity to demonstrate just how heroic he was. “This Hasselhoff will strike you down for handing out bad pills to children, and leaving your food wrappers on the sand.”

“Hasselhoff?” the realization of Sesshomaru's current alter ego sank in, and InuYasha began to laugh.

He had never seen anything more ridiculous in his whole life. The more he figured out what was going on, the harder he laughed. Rolling on the ground, holding his sides in pain, he howled.

“Oh please tell me that I didn't miss Jaken dancing around in a stuffed bikini!” The mental image sent him into another shameless fit of laughter.

“I cant believe this, The mighty Sesshomaru, The Killing Perfection, The Lord of the Western Lands, acting like the dork from “Baywatch” to try and get Kagome to like you?”

How does InuYasha know about Baywatch? Oh yeah, SOTA! Wait, what did he say? Sesshomaru likes me?

Sesshomaru didn't know what a “dork” was, but by his brothers tone, it was not a term of honor. He was also unhappy that the idiot had figured out his real intentions before the miko had.

Sesshomaru tried to regain control of the situation. “Perhaps I could give you a ride in my speaking mechanical wagon. I use it to capture those who would hurt others. I am also the Nighttime Rider.”

InuYasha roared uncontrollably. “The Nighttime Rider! You did not just say that! Why don't you just invite her to Germany to see you in concert where you're still popular!”

Normally, Kagome would have let InuYasha have his fun, knowing pain that the Tai Youkai had caused his younger sibling in the past. But things were different now. Sesshomaru was trying... to..., well drive her crazy for one, but his attempts to communicate with her, in what he thought was, her own language, was starting to have an effect on her.

“Sit, boy.” she said quietly.

She stepped over the chuckling crater, and moved close to him.

“Sesshomaru-sama, are you trying to tell me something, is what InuYasha said right?”

A voice came from the InuYasha shaped hole, “maybe we should put a flashing red light on AhUn's head.” more peals of laughter.

“Sit, boy.” InuYasha sank several feet further, but continued his giggling. “If there is something you want to tell me, I would really love to hear it.” She looked up into his eyes.

“Come on Hoff, sing her a song, put your leather jacket around her shoulders, and show her how you can drive a car into the back of a moving truck.”

“Sit, Sit, Sit” she growled through clenched teeth

“I have been acting foolish.” he stated, hoping she would disagree with him.

“Well yes, but now that I kinda know what's going on, I think it'd kinda...”

He turned quickly and walked back into the forest.

Kagome and Sango picked up their things and began to walk back to the camp in silence.

InuYasha stayed where he was, he was quite comfortable. He continued to laugh as he replayed the entire incident over, and over in his head.


>------------------------------------------------------------------------->


He watched from a distance as they broke camp at dawn, and started for the well. He had wandered in the darkness till he found himself at their small encampment. Looking up he had spied InuYasha perched high in a tree, huge grin still plastered on his moronic face.

They had made good time, and were at the well before the sun was high. He wanted to go to her and explain everything. The problem was, he couldn't explain anything to himself, let alone her. All the hours of his vigil in front of the glowing box was scrolling through his mind in a loop. He was searching desperately for something, anything! Something to make her understand what he felt. He knew his mind was beginning to break, Maybe this is why the miko's alone hold power over the box. Perhaps they alone are able to absorb it's power and not succumb to madness. He wanted desperately to admit defeat, but his stubborn nature refused to let him give it up.

She waved and vaulted over side of the well, blue light engulfing her. Her friends began to move away, headed for the village. They turned as he walked into the clearing, not sure what to expect now that Kagome was gone.

The visions in his head had taken over. He had no control over his words or actions. The loop continued to pass in front of his eyes as the demons of the box possessed his mind.

He stood, staring blankly into the space before him, eyes focused on nothing.

InuYasha called his name several times as he approached, and waved his hand in front of the vegetative demon.

“Yep, I knew it. He's lost it, he is completely gone.”

Sesshomaru began to move and speak, but not in his usual, my nose is much higher in the air than yours, voice. The internal film reel was now on the outside, using his voice and body like a puppet.

“And now for something completely different. A man with a tape recorder up his nose.”

“CLICK”

He made a clicking sound with his mouth while pushing the button of a pretend remote control.

“Don't cry for me Argentina, the truth is I never left you!”

“CLICK”

“The male of the species had colorful plumage, for attracting a mate. He ruffles his feathers in an attempt to appear larger, trying to show that he is the best pick of the group, and will give her chicks the best chance for survival.”

“CLICK”


InuYasha sat down in the grass and rested his back against the side of the well. The grin grew until it threatened to tear the skin of his cheeks. This is gonna be great. I hope she stays gone for a week this time.

“Come and listen to a story of a man named Jed, poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. But then one day he was shootin at some fooooooooood. When up from the ground come a bubblin crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas T.”

“CLICK”

At least a week.