Starcrossed

Ch 4: Sweet Sixteen is Damning



Sesshoumaru sat in his study, listening to the vaguely depressing CD of classical music that he had burned for this occasion. The haunting melody of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata washed over him as he sat in a chair, all lights off except for the magically sustained green fire in the fire place, with a bourbon in his hand.



Tonight was Kagome's last night here. And she had not even told him that she was leaving herself. In fact, he had not been alone in the same room with her since the accursed incident of his indiscretion. He knew how she was avoiding him as well, and could not find it in him to be affronted.



Recently, she had come into her powers, the ones that had restlessly remained dormant for so long. And she had come into them with a vengeance. Things had taken to exploding when InuYasha and herself fought, which was quite often. She had even once scotched the boy rather impressively, though she was distraught at her lack of control for many weeks judging by the many tearful phone calls his excellent hearing had been privy to.



And now, because no one else that currently resided in the country of Japan could tutor her in discipline, she had to transfer to Oxford in England where a priestess of some merit was living out her days. Truth be told, she had been banished from Japan for a perceived insult against the human emperor himself. Sesshoumaru was sure he would like her.



However, he sat listening to this classical masterpiece, wavering between anger and sorrow. She was leaving in the morning, and they would be separating with this impenetrable wall still between them. He had no illusions that she would leave, realize the folly of their argument, and return with the determination to set things back to the way they used to be. It was far more likely that she would forget him when some mildly attractive boy came along and captured her attention, and that the next thing that he would hear about her would be that she was happily married with two children of her own.



Sesshoumaru knocked back the rest of his drink and stood. He walked to the fireplace and stared at the only picture of her that he had in his possession. She was sitting on a swing in a rather dead looking park, with vivacious flowers in her lap. She was looking away from the camera, but the line of her neck and of her cheek was still beautiful. It was the best piece he had ever done.



He sighed and replaced it on the mantle. Feeling his years for once, he decided a bit of reflection was due. He decided to remember Mei Ling from China, Kaitlyn from Ireland, Mercedes from Spain, and of course Sakano. Each woman, amazing in their own right, had meant something to him, had been more than a faceless rut. Each had commanded his attention and time with their sharp wit and pleasant conversations. But each paled in comparison to what Kagome had offered him. She had offered him solace, and an innocence of sorts... the kind of refreshing outlook that the world was lacking.

He sighed again.



This was inappropriate. They were inappropriate. And he could not help himself. He had dreamed of her, had smelled the lingering traces of her arousal in his mind, imagined the satin of her skin under his fingertips, and was helpless against it. He was helpless against the morning woods too.



A sudden knock on his door pulled him from his mild irritation at human perceptions of morality. He knew it was Kagome, even without the sweet smell of pears. He had expected her to walk past.



“You may enter,” and then he added in a whisper too small for her “my little bird.”



The door opened and she entered, smelling heavily of nervousness and depression. Her eyes would not lift to meet his, and her hands would not cease fidgeting. She was sixteen now, and was on the cusp of womanhood. But she was so scared to dive in.



“How may I help you Miss Higurashi,” he sighed heavily, feeling far more weary than usual.



“I,” she began, but her voice shook far more than she would have liked so she tried again. “I've come to say goodbye Sesshoumaru-sensei. I leave in the morning to go to England for a while so that I can keep better control over my powers.”



“I know,” he stated flatly when he perceived that she was finished. “Do you know for how long?”



Her eyes met his for a moment, begging him for... something, before they dropped back to the floor. “No.” she whispered after a second, disappointed in his lack of response to her entreaty.



“Kagome, I think we need to talk about what happened, now, before you leave.” he said, trying not to seem as if he was pressuring her.



“Why? I have nothing to say. I am not ashamed or embarrassed, and you shouldn't be either.”



His eyes widened mildly in shock, then narrowed in confusion. “Then why have you been avoiding this Sesshoumaru for the past year? Is it because you believe yourself to have a crush? If that is the case, then you will forget it soon enough when a boy more suited to you comes along.”



Kagome simply rolled her eyes. “Sesshoumaru, I came to say goodbye because I don't know if I'll be coming back.”



He stared at her in dismay. Two or three years he expected, but the rest of her life? Unacceptable.



“You're the only one to know so far, and I just want you not to tell them, please, until I can find a way to break the news on my own. I just... you seemed to be the only that I could trust not to freak out on me, and to treat me like an adult.”



She lifted her eyes, watching as he walked over to the fireplace and put a hand upon the mantle, leaning down as he stared sightlessly into the flames. She was unaware of how she had backed his response into a corner with her trust in him.



“Are you sure?” he questioned, not looking at her still.



“Yes. I just feel as if there's nothing left here for me to grow into. Like I've outgrown my own life.”



“You feel the need to stretch your wings,” he sighed, then pushed away from the mantle to look at her. Really look at her.



She stood there, her shorts a little too short, her camisole a little too tight beneath a sheer top. And as he stared at her, he could literally feel the seconds digging deeper into her and etching their mark in her youthful face.



She was not a child anymore, and that made her all the more dangerous to him. She was only just becoming a woman, but she was already far too old for him to associate with without causing doubt and scorn of the worst kind to fall upon them both. Maybe this was for the best, this wanderlust that had taken control of her. She would leave and forget about him, and he would reeducate himself into realizing that an infatuation with a human always lead to disaster.



“Little bird, do what you must. I wish you a safe journey.” he smiled then, but it felt fake even to him, so instead he poured himself another drink and left his study, not bothering to escort Kagome out.



Said girl waited until she was sure that he was far enough away before allowing her tears to rise up and spill over. She lowered herself to his warm, plush rug that covered the often cold wood floor, and sat curled, her knees pressed to her face. She rocked herself gently, chastising herself. She did not know what she had expected as a goodbye, but she was positive that sure as hell wasn't it. Kagome did not know if she wanted him to be angry or sad, supportive or furiously against. But anything would have been better than his quiet acceptance and indifference.



Kagome wiped the tears from her face and stared into the fire. This was their first, and last conversation since he had discovered that she was enamored of him, and needless to say it did not go well. Maybe InuYasha was right and Sesshoumaru would never see her as anything other than a passing amusement, or at best, the young child that used to pester him with questions.



The teen picked herself up off the floor and squared her shoulders. This was her chance to take the world by storm, and damn it all to hell, she would take it. She decided to storm from his office as well.



She reached for the door and pulled it open, only to have arms wrap around her and carry her back in, the door shutting swiftly behind them. She was faintly shocked, but she knew who it was the moment he touched her, and she could not find it in her to be surprised. She just returned the embrace, burying her face into his chest even as he buried his nose in her hair.



“Kagome,” his baritone shook her very soul “I do no want you to go, but I do not want to cage you either. Are you sure you do not intend to return?”



“Sesshoumaru,” she sighed, her heart soaring despite the anguish that was threatening to rear its head. “I have to go.”



She felt him begin to pull away, but clutched harder to him “But I do not have to stay... All I need is for you to give me a reason to come back. That's all.”



“You know as well as I that this is wrong, that we should never-”



“Hush,” she pleaded, “Just let me have this before you tear it apart.”



So he closed his mouth and held her until time and propriety began to fade from his thoughts. “I will give you a reason,” he promised recklessly “I will give you a reason everyday you are gone for you to return.”



Kagome pulled away enough to look at him, and smiled. Tenderly, she cupped the side of his face, and rose to her toes, bringing her face closer to his. He had every chance to pull away, but no will to. And with that he knew his fate, he was to be bound to her in shackles of his own making, until the day she withered from his grasp. Nothing could save him now. And he wasn't sure he wanted any interference.



The moment he silken lips touched his, was the moment his damnation began.



A/N: This line by Korn would not leave me:

I feel the reason as it's leaving me, no not again. It's quite deceiving as I'm feeling the flesh make me bad.



Yeah, so sorry I haven't posted in like a year or so, but things have happened. Thanks Blackkat for kicking me in the ass to get this started. Have fun at college sweety, and stay in touch!



Back to the excuses... is getting hit by a car a good enough one?



Oh, and a Beta would be nice! I tend to finish writing things at horrible times in the morning usually, so I sometimes have mistakes. And mistakes are annoying ;P