To Be Alive Again

Disclaimer:
--I don’t own Inuyasha or Yu Yu Hakusho. They both belong to their respective owners. I make no profit from my writing.
--I do not own "Men in Black". It belongs to its respective owners. I make no profit from my writing.
--I do not own "Hitch". It belongs to its respective owners. I make no profit from my writing.


To Be Alive Again
Chapter 5: Understanding Her

With a teapot of water on the stove to boil, Kagome grabbed a first-aide kit and pulled out a couple of bandages, taking antiseptic wipes and cleaning up her knee with a soft hiss before putting said bandages over the wounds. Yusuke offered to help, but Kagome declined, preferring to do this herself.

After she was cleaned up and bandaged, she sat up fully on one of the kitchen chairs, giving a half-hearted smile to the boys. She was a little apprehensive about talking about the past. Really, she was avoiding it and dreading it. She had managed to go through this first month or so without too many horrible complications, hiding everything inside as best she could. No one knew how many times she had cried on the inside, only to spare them the suffering that she felt.

She had lost her son, sister, and brothers all in one day, and had yet to really deal with the fact that she would probably never see them again. Her sadness must have shown clearly on her face, because Yusuke came up behind her and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Kagome…are you alright?” he asked softly, concern lacing his features.

Hiei held in a growl at him touching her so familiarly, his youkai voicing its protest, but even more so at the aura of sadness that permeated the air. It was always constant around her, and he wasn’t sure what could inflict this kind of change in her. It was as if she had never been happy in her life, nothing to make her smile, yet her outward appearance was used to deceive them all.

Giving the young toushin a weak smile, she just nodded softly, going to stand and get the tea kettle, which was now whistling.

“No, I’ll get it…just relax.” He spoke up, being unusually kind in this situation. He wanted to know her past, and wanted to know why she always seemed to be lost in her thoughts. What were her friends like? What had happened to her? After serving up the tea, they all headed into the living room after drying off a little and getting warm.

Yusuke sat beside her on the couch, sitting Indian style as he faced her, while Hiei occupied a familiar corner in Genkai’s home. It seemed as if the rest of the team had vanished with their own agenda’s to attend to, and that was something that didn’t really bother the three occupying the living room right now.

“…I’m not even sure how to begin.” Kagome started, before looking to the toushin and fire apparition. “You know the story of the Shikon no Tama, and how I came to be in the past, but it feels like it’s just the tip of the iceberg.” She said quietly, taking a sip of her tea.

“Well, tell us everything you feel like, starting with your friends. What were they like?” Yusuke asked curiously, appearing as if he were just a child, his inquisitive nature coming through.

The look on his face made Kagome laugh in spite of herself. He was almost like Shippou at that moment, and it made her feel better than she had in a while. Hiei looked up at her laugh, enjoying the sound. She hardly laughed like she meant it, and she truly looked happy at this moment.

“What?” the toushin quirked, feeling a little self-conscious at her laughter. What had he said?

She just waved it off before getting control of herself. “It’s just, you reminded me of Shippou just then. He was…is…my kit.” She smiled fondly, her eyes glazing over as she pictured her little kit. Yusuke and Hiei both sported looks of incredulous surprise. It was impossible for a human to love a demon, let alone mother one! She looked barely old enough to be out of high school!

Seeing their looks of confusion and disbelief, she elaborated. “Shippou’s parents were killed because of the Shikon Jewel, and he tried to take my shards soon after I had shattered it, to avenge them.” Her voice turned soft as she spoke. “Inuyasha ended up killing the demons that had done it, and he continued to travel with us.” A gentle smile came to her face. “He was my baby. We grew really close, and instead of friends, it was a relationship more like he was my son, and I was his mom.” She finished quietly, looking into the slightly swirling foam on her tea.

Yusuke and Hiei were speechless. Just by the tone in her voice, they could tell that she was not lying, nor did she harbor any hate for the kit. It was the most unusual, and yet, comforting, thing, that they had learned about her yet. It eased their minds to know that she could learn to love demons, and each one wondered if maybe, she could learn to love them.

“What of the others? What were they like?” Hiei asked, surprising Yusuke and Kagome a moment before she smiled saying, “Sango was like my sister. She had so many inner demons to harbor…” her facial expression softened. “She lost her family and entire village all in one day. It was a trick, by Naraku. He made her think Inuyasha had done it, but he didn’t. It was all a set up to destroy him. He was using her to try and kill Inuyasha.” She said quietly, before saying, “We figured it out though, and she joined with us to help take that bastard down.”

Yusuke’s eyes widened lightly at her tone of voice. It was always soft, or gentle, but now, it harbored nothing but disgust. “He even cursed Miroku’s family with the wind tunnel, a weapon that grew from the palms of their hands. It eventually grew too large, and killed his grandfather and father before him.” She pulled her knees to her chest, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

Yusuke watched her a moment, before placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, getting her attention. Her expression was one of sadness, and longing. She missed her friends, but appreciated his offered comfort. “Please, continue?” he asked, wanting to know more. Hiei refrained from growling. He was touching her again, and it irritated him to no end.

“Inuyasha…” she turned her head away from the toushin, moving away from his touch. She loved the inu-hanyou, and held him in her heart. She didn’t want to taint her memory of him, so she continued softly, “I loved him…very much. I was the one who released him from the Goshinboku when I went back to the past.” She said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Hiei refrained from saying what –he- thought of the hanyou, instead, opting to watch the scene with observing eyes. She obviously still felt something for the hanyou, but she also seemed to be struggling with his memory.

Yusuke managed not to flinch when she pulled away from him, but couldn’t help asking, “What happened? What did he do to you?” Instantly, his protective urge over her heightened and he bit back a growl.

Kagome’s eyes widened at his tone of voice as she looked quickly to him. “He didn’t do anything to me, really!” she spoke up, trying to defend him even a little, though she knew she probably shouldn’t. He had left her to die while he went to Kikyou’s aide, that’s what he had done. However, she couldn’t blame him for that. He loved her with his entire heart…there was no room for Kagome there.

Tears prickled at the back of her eyelids, and she sniffled, forcing them down. Yusuke’s heightened awareness and Hiei’s demon senses quickly picked up the scent of tears, and each one growled softly, trying to sooth her.

She looked up with shimmering eyes as a translucent tear slipped down her cheek. Why were they growling? “It’s not his fault. He loved her. It was mine. I should have known better than to fall in love with someone who was in love with someone else.” She said softly, thinking their growls were that of anger, and not of comfort.

The small confession was enough for both demons to see red. She obviously cared a great deal for a hanyou, and he devoted his attention to another. What was this other woman like, Yusuke wondered. He didn’t know the story, however, Hiei did, and his darkened aura was picked up by the toushin easily.

He made a mental note to get the entire story from the hybrid later, for now, Kagome needed their comfort. Shifting from his position on the couch, he held out an arm for the young miko to come closer to him so he could hug her…comfort that she quickly accepted as she cried quietly into his shirt. Yusuke pulled her closer into his lap as her tears soaked into his shirt, and let out some frustration and sadness that she had kept inside entirely too long.

Hiei moved over from the wall and sat on the other side of her, bringing out a hand to gently touch her shoulder. He wouldn’t let Yusuke do all the comforting, not when he had feelings for the girl too. Kagome tilted her head away from Yusuke’s chest only to be surprised when she saw Hiei there on her other side. Blinking away a couple of tears, she reached out and wrapped her arms around him. She knew this was not a common occurrence. Hiei simply did not let people touch him so familiarly, and here he was, offering her silent comfort. Comfort that she was grateful for.

Her tears had stilled for now, and all she could feel was a deep sense of weariness. Emotions were exhausting things, and all she could think now was that a nap sounded nice. Both demons could tell she was tired. Neither could actually discern when her last decent nights sleep had been, and that bothered them.

Chocolate brown eyes met crimson red, and they came to an unspoken agreement. They would help her in anyway they could. She obviously cared for them, as a friend, and hopefully, she would care for them as something more, however, specifics could come later. Right now, she was their first priority.

Hiei easily carried the girl to her room and placed her on her bed. She was already fast asleep, and though her aura was still sad, it was less so. Maybe she just needed someone to talk to, he thought.

Yusuke and Hiei watched her sleep a few minutes more before they exited her room to leave her rest.

“Spill it, Hiei. I want to know what happened, and what she wasn’t telling me.” He said as soon as they were out of earshot of the room.

“Hn, patience detective.” He almost smirked at his antsy attitude, especially where Kagome was concerned. It would be interesting to see how he progressed with the girl, especially since he had been betrayed by Keiko.

“No, I want to know. Now.” His eyes left no room for argument or being put off. He wanted to know everything about her, and he would, even if he had to go to the Reikai for the information. She was quickly becoming for lack of a better word, an obsession; not that he minded all that much, he thought with a mental grin, however, he turned his attention back on Hiei as his eyes narrowed further, demanding answers.

So, Hiei began to speak, and started to share what he knew from the brief glimpses he had gotten from both Kagome’s mind and from the short interlude in the well house when he had first met her. She had put up a strong front for having dealt with such heartache. Yusuke could identify with her pain, and that made it even more personal for him.

If he ever ran into the hanyou, he would take great pleasure in kicking his ass.

~*~

The days passed in a blur for Kagome. She was starting to heal and it was something she was glad for. No longer was Inuyasha at the forefront of her mind. She didn’t completely forget about him, but she knew that he would never be hers. The pain she felt at this realization was immense, but she knew that if she could survive Naraku, then she could survive this. She had to. She had too much to look forward to now.

There was the rest of her life ahead of her, and she was happy that she had some new friends to help her get through the tough times. She found herself looking through college brochures over dinner and realized that the fall semester would be starting soon. She quietly wondered if she should enroll in one of the universities. It would be a step in the right direction, but she worried about how she would pay for it.

Koenma put her fears to rest one unexpected evening as he dropped in on the temple. It wasn’t often that the spirit leader was seen out of his office, but it wasn’t an unwelcome surprise as Kagome opened the door for him.

“Koenma, hi! How are you?” she asked, moving aside to let him in.

“Fine, just fine, Kagome. I see you’re doing well also. That’s good.” He gave her his best smile. Of course, a visit to the lovely Kagome warranted his teenage form, and he didn’t disappoint.

The miko grinned. “Yeah, I’ve been learning a lot from Genkai, and I’ve been thinking about maybe starting college in the fall.” She said, gesturing for him to sit down. “Would you like some tea?” she asked, getting ready to head into the kitchen should he say ‘yes’. At his nod, she smiled again and headed into the kitchen to make up a pot, leaving it a moment as it warmed.

“So what brings you here?” she asked, leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen as she looked to him.

“Actually, I was looking for you, as well as Hiei and Yusuke. Have you seen them?” he asked, his eyes gently traveling over her form. He would not deny that he was attracted to her, and she seemed in much better spirits since the last time he saw her.

She nodded, her eyes curious now. What would he need with them? “Yusuke is still training with Genkai, and should be done soon, and Hiei, I’m not sure where he is right now. Sorry.” She smiled apologetically.

“No need. As long as you two are here, you can convey the message to him when he reappears. I know how he can be.” He chuckled lightly.

At that, Kagome laughed. She knew exactly what the demi-god was talking about. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

At that, the kettle started to whistle, and she excused herself to bring out the pot and some cups on a tray and set it down on the table in front of him. “Here you go.” She said, handing him a cup of the steaming liquid.

“Thank you, Kagome. How have you been doing with your training?” he asked, engaging her in conversation as they waited for the toushin to appear.

“It’s been going great, I’ve learned a lot and can control my powers a lot more than I ever could before. It makes me feel a little better knowing that should something happen, I can actually use this power within me, and not be useless.” She ended quietly, a firm look on her face.

“You were never useless, Kagome. So your powers were uncontrolled. Big deal, at least you tried your best, and kept everyone’s spirits up. That’s more than I can say for Inuyasha.” He quickly interjected, watching as her face lit up and then fell at the mention of the hanyou’s name.

“Kagome…trust me. You were never, and are not, worthless.” He spoke again, reaching a hand over to place over one of hers.

At that moment, Yusuke came barging in, confused at the scene before him. What was Koenma doing here? And what was he doing with his hand so familiarly on Kagome’s? Both questions took a back seat to the look on the young miko’s face. He had not seen this look before, and it puzzled him. It was full of loneliness and dejection. What had brought this on?

“What’s going on Koenma?” he spoke up loudly, as the demi-god pulled his hand away from Kagome. She hadn’t spoke after his proclamation, and he wondered if she had even registered what he had said.

At his voice, Kagome finally looked up from the floor to Yusuke, and slowly looked back down. She didn’t look guilty, so that eased his mind at the contact that obviously Koenma had initiated, however, that still left him wondering what was going through her mind to have her looking like she wasn’t worth the dirt that was beneath her feet.

Shaking his head, he looked to Koenma, wondering what he wanted. The demi-god looked back to the toushin before finally speaking. It seemed as Yusuke was smitten with the miko. Good luck to him trying to fight the spirit leader for her affections.

“I’ve gotten word that trouble is starting to brew in the Makai. I came to check on Kagome’s progress and wanted to inform you that should the situation change for the worse, I will be calling all of you up to defeat this threat. From my observations and her actions, I have deemed that her progress is satisfactory enough for her to work along side the team on missions.” He informed the both of them, earning a dark look from Yusuke, and a look of incredulous surprise from Kagome.

“What?! You mean it, Koenma?” she asked, her voice rising as a little apprehensiveness filled it. She didn’t want to go out on the warpath against demons, she had done enough of that in the past, but she had him to thank for getting her training in the first place, so she wouldn’t complain if that was what he ordered.

He nodded to her question, and ignored the look Yusuke was giving him. Screw him. She needed to feel worthwhile and if she could prove herself in battle, he was sure her self-esteem would grow along with her powers.

“Wait just a minute, toddler. We can take care of ourselves just fine, Kagome doesn’t need to be put in danger.” He spoke up, obviously displeased at the news.

Kagome’s head snapped to the toushin. What was he saying? She wanted to go with him, to help protect him if she could! “Yusuke, please! I want to!” she spoke out, earning his attention.

His eyes were wide with shock, what was she saying?! “What in the hell for, Kagome? You can’t like killing demons, it’s not in your nature, so why…?”

Her eyes fell to the ground before she whispered, “I want to help protect you.” At his confused look she said quickly, “All my life I’ve been protected by others, and I’m sick of it. I want to be the one who does the protecting this time. I want to be an equal fighter, and I want to be the one doing the work! I want to be the one that delivers a final blow and is the victor, instead of always being the nurse and healing everyone back to health. Not that I won’t do that, but I want to be the worthwhile one. The one that the demons come after because I am the strongest, not because I am the weakest.” She finished, her voice soft in desperation.

At that moment, Yusuke was stunned, as her words repeated over and over in his head. Is this how she felt all the time in the past? As the one who was always targeted because of her weakness? The one in last place because she couldn’t fight? Why would she feel like that, unless…someone had told her, had to have drilled into her, her supposed worthlessness. At that moment, he didn’t know who to shout at first, Koenma for suggesting she go with them or Kagome for wanting to go.

He placed a hand on her shoulder before nodding. “Alright. If this is what you want, then I won’t argue with you. You know how dangerous it is though, so…” he stopped, not sure what else to say. Hiei was going to be beyond pissed when he found out. The toushin knew how the hiyoukai felt about the miko.

“I know. But…” she smiled at him before saying, “…I know you and Hiei got my back.”

He couldn’t help but smile back at her. He didn’t know when it happened, but he knew he cared for her more than he would allow himself to voice aloud.

Koenma cleared his throat to get their attention before he spoke again. “Let Hiei know of our conversation. I need to head back to the Reikai. Take care, both of you.”

Kagome nodded and led him to the door, before closing it behind him. She turned around, leaning against the door before smiling to Yusuke, who seemed lost in thought.

“Yusuke?” she asked quietly, moving from the door to step up beside him. He was contemplating a new plan of action. If Kagome was with them, he knew that he and Hiei would be distracted to keep her safe.

He looked up at her soft voice, before smiling softly. “Hey…is something wrong?”

She shook her head before taking his hand in hers unexpectedly. He raised a curious eyebrow before placing his free hand on her cheek. “…what’s wrong?” he asked softly, now a little worried about her sudden action.

She jumped slightly at his hand on her cheek before she shook her head. “Nothing…it’s just…” she blushed prettily, looking down at his hand that she held so gently.

“What’s up, Kags? You can tell me…” he said, his anxiety increasing a little at her blush.

“…I just…can I have a hug?” she asked, looking up at him with hopeful eyes. She liked him, and often drew comfort from her friends when she hugged them, however, in the past, it wasn’t a common thing. Inuyasha rarely let her hug him or hold him, and if she did to Miroku, there was the fear that he would grope her. With Sango, it was different. Though she was a female, she wasn’t the type to seek out affection; she preferred to stand on her own two feet.

Shippou was the only one who let her hold him, and she had a feeling it was because he needed the comfort as well.

His eyes widened lightly at her softly spoken request. ‘All this over a hug? And here I thought it was something serious…’ he thought.

He gave her a smile before nodding. “Sure...” At his approval and smile, Kagome let out a breath she had not known she was holding before she tentatively wrapped her arms around the toushin’s waist and pulled herself closer to him. She relaxed when she felt his own arms wrapping around her and holding her closer.

With Kagome’s head resting into his chest, he felt his heart speed up and slow down simultaneously. She fit perfectly in his arms and he would be damned if he denied her something as simple as a hug. What kind of people was she around in the past that she would be afraid of asking for such a simple thing? Pushing those thoughts aside, he rubbed her back softly as she hugged him tighter and he whispered into her ear, “Anytime you want a hug…you can have one. Don’t be afraid to ask…”

He felt her relax further as he heard her softly spoken, “Thank you.” She couldn’t believe how kind he was, until this very moment. He was so sweet, and protective, and strong, it was something she was contemplating further and further as the days past. Still she wondered how Keiko could so easily give him up, when he seemed like the perfect guy in her opinion. He could be a letch at times, but other than that, he was everything she could ask for in a guy. At those thoughts she relaxed further. Maybe someday she would figure out just how she felt about him, but for now, she was content to draw from the physical comfort he was gladly offering her.

Yusuke felt as she relaxed further in his arms and couldn’t help but smile. She was smart, kind, funny, and loving, everything he had hoped for in a girl. As he thought on Keiko and the demise of their relationship, he realized that he had stayed with her out of convenience, and nothing more. Sure, he cared about her, and very much so, how could he not, having grown up with the girl? But it seemed that she didn’t care for him as he did her, and he knew that he would have to get over that fact if he ever wanted to move on with his life, and get past the heartbreak.

After a few minutes, Kagome finally pulled away, looking up into the toushin’s brown eyes, hers soft with warmth, and caring. “Want to watch a movie with me?” she asked, not wanting to separate from him just yet. Just being near him was calming to her, and she was quickly becoming used to having him around her.

With a grin, he nodded. “Something with action?” he asked, hopeful. Keiko hated watching anything horror or action packed. She always wanted to see a comedy (which he didn’t mind) or romance (which he would rather not see).

She smirked. “Of course. But on one condition.” Her smirk widened at his guarded look. “And what’s that?”

“You have to watch a chick flick with me afterwards.” She laughed at the look on his face; however, he nodded his consent. After all, they were watching the action one first. He could fall asleep during the mushy one later.

She grinned. “Great! I’ll order us some pizza.”

He nodded his approval. Pizza sounded great, and he would enjoy the night with Kagome. Hiei had disappeared somewhere and that suited him just fine. Yukina had actually gone out with Kuwabara and for that he was glad. The girl was getting more adjusted to the city, and that was good for her. If she were to remain in the Ningenkai it was better for her to know her way around than to have her completely dependant on others.

Thirty-five minutes later, the pizza had arrived at the bottom of the stairs at the shrine, and Kagome looked to Yusuke. “Walk with me?”

He nodded and stood, going with her for the long trek down the shrine steps only to turn around and walk back up those same steps. However, the walk was comfortable, and they got to talk about a little bit of everything while they did so.

Once they got back inside, Kagome pointed to the video rack. “Pick out the movie you want to see and I’ll get us some paper plates and glasses.” She said, before moving to do what she had set out to do.

Glancing over to the long stacks of tapes, he searched until he got to one that he hadn’t seen in awhile, but it was a mix of action and comedy: Men in Black.

Kagome came in moments later with two glasses of Dr. Pepper and a couple of paper plates which she set on the pizza box first before setting the glasses down. “Pizza’s on! What movie did you pick out?” she asked, lifting the lid on the box and moaning in approval as the smell wafted up to her nose.

Yusuke paused at that sound, grinning lecherously as he thought of better ways to make her moan. Pushing that thought away, he held up the case before saying, “Men in Black. Is that okay?” he asked, smiling to her.

She nodded, before patting the seat next to her on the couch. He put the movie in and grabbed the remote before taking her offered seat and picking up a slice of pizza. He pressed play, and the movie was on.

They laughed together at the funny parts, rooted on J and K when they were going after the aliens, and were sad together at the end. It was such a good movie, and perfect for them. Yusuke couldn’t help but comment at how the agents were like the spirit detectives. They worked in secret, no one in the human realm knew about them, but they didn’t get cool weapons like the MIB agents did. That made Kagome laugh.

When the credits started to roll, the young woman grabbed the controller and stopped the movie and pressed rewind. Now it was her turn, and she saw the uneasiness of the toushin. He was worried about the movie she would pick, and hoped she would find a middle ground like he had. Grinning softly, she picked out a movie and put it in without telling him, and sat back down.

“Hey, that’s not fair! I told you what we were watching…” he protested, while she just smirked. “Too bad. Though I’m sure that you’ll like it too.” She smiled, patting his leg softly before getting another slice of pizza.

He watched as the movie started and looked confused. “Hitch? I’ve never seen it before…” he hadn’t heard of it either, though he could only guess what the movie was about, with a name like ‘hitch’. However, the movie wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Actually, it was pretty funny in spots, and had him laughing with Kagome.

Sure there was the ‘romantic’ element to it, but it was pretty hilarious too, like when Hitch had tried to get aboard his date’s ski-doo and ended up knocking her out with his foot. He also laughed when the matchmaker had eaten a food he was allergic too and his face puffed up like a balloon and got drunk off of Benedryl.

Partway into the movie, Kagome rested her head against his shoulder, and he smiled, before wrapping his arm around her and holding her a little closer. It was comfortable and…it was nice. Just relaxing with her on the couch, watching a movie, and enjoying pizza. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually relaxed and enjoyed being himself, and with her, it was as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

Kagome wrapped an arm around his waist as the ending came, and smiled when Hitch finally confessed his feelings for the girl he wanted. It was a fitting end, and it made her feel warm and fuzzy inside, just like it was supposed to. ‘Too bad a romance this good can only exist in the movies…’ she thought quietly, with a soft sigh.

Yusuke looked down to her face, wondering what she was thinking, but decided, he didn’t want to know. Right now, all he wanted was to look at her sweet face and imagine how good it would feel to kiss her.

Precisely at that moment, she looked up into his eyes and blushed lightly at his look. It was somewhat distant, but she could tell that she was on his mind as he looked to her. “Yusuke?” she whispered softly, wondering if he would even be able to hear her through his thoughts.

“Yeah, Kagome?” he replied just as quietly, his eyes even more piercing as the seconds passed.

She shook her head softly, before cuddling up closer to him. “Never mind.” She said with a soft smile, relaxing against him again. Now wasn’t the time for anything more than this. She would figure out where things stood between them later, when she wasn’t so self-destructive with her emotions. No one deserved to deal with an emotional bat case like her, but she knew that soon things would get better, and then, she could look for a relationship with someone. That someone could possibly be him, and she was glad that he was being patient with her, even if he didn’t know it.

He smiled softly down at her before he leaned down and kissed the top of her head gently. “I’ll always be here for you, Kagome. I promise.”

With those softly spoken words echoing in her mind, she closed her eyes and started to drift off to sleep with his warm arms around her, and his heartbeat calming her into a deep, dreamless sleep.




A/N: Ooo…longer than anticipated, but that’s not a bad thing, ne? ^-^ Anyhoo, Read and Review, onegai! You know I love them!
Next chapter, keep an eye out for the rest of the Yu Yu gang. :-J