Innocent Beginnings

Innocent Beginnings
By: Maggz
Disclaimer: InuYasha an. © . © Rumiko Takahashi

Chapter 41: I Would Die

Kohaku and I grabbed a late lunch before he took me home and tentatively made plans for the following weekend. A new amusement park had opened not far from where we lived and we wanted to be among the first in line to brave the fastest roller coaster in the country!


When we pulled into the drive, I was taken aback to see Reika and Ichi standing on the front steps, almost as if they had been waiting for me.


"Oh Shit!", I sighed, grabbing Kohaku's hand and squee it it hard. "I'm in trouble."


"Come on, babe. Let's go straighten this out.", he said, returning the squeeze.


We climbed out of the car and taking a deep breath, I followed Kohaku toward my punishment, realizing that THIS time it would very likely be the worst I'd ever endured. They'd told me the last time I'd been grounded that the punishment just wasn't severe enough but had agreed to give me a second chance because they loved me and hoped I'd learnt my lesson. A huge lump pressed against my throat as I felt Kohaku's hand at the small of my back, boosting my confidence as well as pushing me forward.


"Kohaku. Hi.", Reika said softly. I looked up, catching the strange note in her voice. Her face was drawn and pale, her eyes red rimmed from tears. My eyes shot to Ichi, whose arm was around her waist as if to steady her. Instantly, my heart fell to my feet and I looked over at Kohaku, wondering could he see this was more than what we'd thought at first glance… way more.


"Rin. Come inside.", Uncle Ichi spoke up, reaching for me.


"What's wrong? What is it?", I stammered, cold sweat breaking out along my brow.


"Just come inside, sweetheart. Kohaku, please… come inside.", he spoke once more.


"NO!", I hissed, fear seizing hold of my lungs and squeezing the breath from my body. I felt every hair prickle on my skin, every thud of my heart.


"Rin. C'mon inside. I'm right here.", Kohaku whispered, leaning forward to wrap his arm around my shoulders. I turned to stare up into his brown eyes and saw my own fear mirrored there. Somehow I made it up the steps and into the dark interior of the house, Kohaku right by my side.


We followy auy aunt and uncle into the living room and I watched them take a seat on the sofa. Ichi indicated we should sit on the loveseat opposite and Kohaku pulled me along with him, pressing me into the seat at his side.


"Rin. I want you to listen to everything your uncle Ichi has to say to you before you get upset. It's very important you hear everything he says. Do you understand?", she asked, her eyes huge in her pale face.


"Yes.", I choked out.


"There was an accident early this morning, Rin. It was Sesshomaru.", Uncle Ichi said… or I thought he said. Slowly, a fuzz filled the entire inside of my head and I couldn't hear anything anymore. I could see Ichi's mouth moving, see my aunt wiping tears from her eyes, feel the pressure of Kohaku's hand over my own but could hear nothing.


Sesshomaru?


What had he said about Sesshomaru?


Sesshomaru had told on me! He'd ratted me out once again. I should've known I could never trust him to begin with. Hadn't I told myself time and again when I'd first met him that he'd let me down if I allowed him inside my heart? Hadn't I always said he'd leave first chance he got once his debt was paid? Why was I surprised he'd turned tail and run away on me?


I felt myself slipping into a very dark place, warm and cozy. Here, I didn't have to worry about anybody leaving me or telling me lies. Here I could stay by myself and ONLY have to worry about myself. Here it was safe!


A stinging slap to my face brought me rudely out of the place I'd disappeared into and with a sob, I lifted my eyes to Kohaku's and started to scream. Endless screams, screaming until my throat burned and ached, screaming as tears slid down my cheeks and landed on the knees of Shippo's borrowed sweats, screamed until at last I had no voice and found that they'd taken me up to my bedroom and Kohaku was cuddled down by my side, whispering into my ear as he threaded his hands through my hair.


I hurt all over. I ached in every cell of my body. I was terrified and determined that if I lost him, I'd lose myself as well. I never wanted to be in a world where my Sesshomaru no longer eed. ed.


Crying silently sometime during the night, I slipped out of Kohaku's arms and went to stand at the window overlooking the garden where Sesshomaru had almost told me he loved me weeks before. So damned much had gone on between us, so much back and forth… Why had we wasted that precious gift? I'd never have it back, never know what it would've felt like to wake up in his arms, to hear him say he loved me as I knew he really did, to have him make love to me until we lay exhausted side by side, to have his babies, to be with him forever.


I felt Kohaku's arms slide around my waist and tired, I rested my head against his chest. I was beyond wondering how Ichi and Reika had decided to allow him to stay in my room with me, to lie with me in my bed… I don't guess at the time that it even crossed my mind.


"Everything's going to be OK, Rin. You must believe that.", he whispered, pressing his lips to the top of my head.


"Never…", I mouthed. I had no voice to speak with and it hurt so badly when I tried that I turned in his arms and held to him as if for dear life.


"Rin, did you hear everything Ichi told you, honey? I don't think you did. Sesshomaru's alive. He's not dead. He's not hurt badly. He got knocked around a bit and his car got messed up but he's OK, for the most part. Rin! Are you listening to me?", he asked.


I buried my face in his chest, afraid to hear more… scared that what he was saying I'd heard all wrong.


I felt his hands on either side of my face, pulling me away from him as he forced me to look up into his eyes. The moonlight glinted off them, sparkling -funny how things you might not ever notice normally seem to stick with you in tense situations.


"Did you hear me, Rin?", he asked, enunciating his words very slowly and clearly for my benefit.


"No…", I whispered weakly. "Please don't…"


"Rin, he's OK. He's in the hospital for some rest and a few tests to make sure he didn't gain a concussion from the accident but otherwise, he seems fine. No broken bones, no internal injuries. He's OK, Rin.", he whispered. "Please listo meo me, please.", he moaned. "I can't stand to see you this way."


"He's OK?", I whispered weakly. "Really OK?"


"Yes, baby. He's OK.", he smiled down at me. "Goddamnit, Rin. Please don't ever zone out like that again…", he cried, pulling me tightly against his chest as he rocked me in his arms.


Zoning. A sob worked its way out of my chest at that word. Sesshomaru always said I was famous for zoning, going into my own little world to shut everyone and everything else away until I felt like dealing with it.


"Come back to bed, Rin…", Kohaku said, pulling on my hands as he backed his way toward the bed. He sank down atop the mussed coverlet and pulled me down into his lap, cradling me like a baby as he lay us both down to rest against the plump pillows. I held tightly to him, my heart trip hammering in my chest.


"Don't you leave me. Swear it…", I cried as I pressed myself tightly against him.


"You know I won't. Everything is fine, Rin. Trust me. I'd never lie to you. Everything is ok…", he said.


There was nothing more to say and I was so weak and tired that I felt as if a weight were attached to every limb I possessed. Sleep stole upon me before I'd realized it and I must've slept through the entire evening and into the night and early morning because when I opened my eyes next, it was to see Reika sitting at my side, to feel her softly stroking my hair. I turned on my side away from her, scared that she'd come to tell me something terrible had happened to Sesshomaru during the time I'd slept. If that was so I was sure I'd never sleep again.


"Rin.", she said softly. "Kohaku left very early this morning. I'm so thankful he was here for you.", she whispered. "Sweetheart, you scared me… us… so badly. I'm so sorry we messed things up and made you worry without cause. If I had it to do all over again, I'd somehow do it differently. I'm sorry, Rin. God help me, I'm so sorry. I just knew that when you heard Sesshomaru'd been involved in an accident that you'd shut down and you did. God help me, you did! You never heard the rest of what your uncle was telling you. God! What you must've put yourself through…", she said.


"Sesshomaru?", I murmured.


"...Is fine. We called this morning to check on him and the tests should be concluded by lunch time. He should be able to go home by early this evening.", she smiled. "Would you like to go see him?"


My heart pounded and I shivered as I clenched my hands into fists. What the hell was wrong with me? Of course I wanted to see him which made my answer to her question perfectly normal… NOT!


"No.",reatreathed, closing my eyes.


She sat there for a few minutes more, her hand on my hair and then she leaned forward and placed a kiss there.


"Take your time, Rin. Sesshomaru would understand, I'm sure of it.", she said.


I felt her weight lift from the bed and watched her from the corner of my eye as she left my room, closing the door firmly behind her. I shivered once more and reached for my blanket, pulling it to my shoulders and over my head.


"Leave me alone…", I hissed as I fell back into an uneasy sleep once again.


I didn't wake again until mid afternoon and then Kohaku was there, looking down at me from where he stood by my bed.


"Hey there.", he smiled. "How're you feeling?"


"Ok.", I said, reaching for his hand.


"That's good. You hungry?rougrought you a cheeseburger from Paddy's.", he smiled, pulling a grease spotted brown bag from behind his back.


"Yeah. Thanks.", I said, sitting up as he sank down beside me on the bed.


"I saw Sesshomaru earlier.", he said.


"How was he?", I asked, unwrapping the burger from it's paper lining.


"Good. I sent him your love.", he said.


"Thanks.", I muttered, taking a huge bite of the sandwich.


"I think he'd like to see you. I can take you by his apartment.", he offered.


"No, that's ok. I'm sure he needs to rest.", I said.


"I'm sure you're right", Kohaku sighed.


"Good burger.", I mumbled between mouthfuls.


"The best in the world!", he agreed, grabbing a napkin to swipe along the edge of my mouth.


"Any plans tomorrow?", I asked.


"No. Not really. I need to call my parents. I haven't talked to them in over a month. The last letter I got had my mom asking me if I remembered my home phone number… so I figure I ld cld call soon, you know?", he grinned.


"Would be a good idea, I think.", I smiled.


"Yeah, but other than that, not much. Maybe shoot some hoops with Shippo, go to a movie… whatever…", he said offhandedly.


"I thought we were going to Rocket World!", I frowned.


"Well, I mean… Yeah, but NOW?", he asked, his brown eyes huge.


"Well yes, why not?", I countered.


"I just didn't think you'd want to go, Rin. I mean after what you've just been through…", he fumbled.


"I haven't been through anything! Sesshomaru's fine. I'm fine. I want to go to Rocket World!", I pouted. God! I knew it was stupid but I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to be back in the part of my world that had never been threatened with loss of any kind. Losing my parents, I'd somehow come to grips with it. But losing Sesshomaru… I'd never be able to live through that. No sir. No way. Keeping my distance from him seemed the best possible solution…


"Rin. I know you're not gonna agree here but no. We're not going to Rocket World. You're not over this. I don't care what you say. I SAW you last night! I stayed with you, remember? You went through a horrible shock! You can't be alright! You won't go see Sesshom you you won't come out of your room but you WANT to go ride some stupid fucking roller coaster???? Does that sound right to YOU?"


"Get out.", I said softly, my face burning with anger and shame. "Now"


"Rin...", Kohaku sighed.


"I said get out of here now.", I snarled.


"Fine...", he said lowly, standing up. He looked down at me then, his face a mask of confusion.


"Thanks for the burger.", I said curtly, balling up what remained of it in the wrapper and stuffing it back inside the brown paper bag.


"No problem. You know where to find me…", he said but I turned my back on him and waited until I heard the soft click of my bedroom door before I turned back.


"I don't need any of you anymore. I don't want any of you any more.", I whispered as tears streaked down my face. Angrily I wiped them away and got up from the bed, walking to the window to watch Kohaku pull away. I slid back the curtain, dropping it suddenly when I saw his eyes move to my window.


Padding to the bathroom, I did my business, washed my face and brushed me teeth then climbed back into bed. Clamping my earphones on, I turned the volume up and soon lost myself blissfully he mhe music…