Check One: YES - NO - MAYBE

Authors note: Thanks again to everyone that reviewed my silly bit of brain flotsam. I have received some of the best compliments from yall. Some answers to questions that no one has asked: I have no intention of endlessly letting this run on, digging for characters, and continuing to force it after the thrill is gone. There is a point, and the story is going somewhere. Hopefully it will get there after everyone has peed their pants. Enjoy

4>---->

Chapter 4: The Turn

Kagome awoke with a splitting headache. She felt as if she couldn't even turn her head from the sheer weight of her hair. Why, oh why did the wind blowing the blades of grass by her head have to be so loud?

She started moving about, trying to get her bearings. Her eye lids cracked and the barest gleam of sunlight hit her bloodshot eyeballs. She hissed, cursing whoever had come up with the whole sun thing in the first place. Slowly her senses began to adjust.

She was sitting in the shade of a large tree. Judging where the sun was, she guessed it to be about nine or ten o clock in the morning. She was wearing Sango's spare kimono, and all she really wanted to do at the moment was brush her teeth, and die.

She heard her friends talking as they came closer. She tried to sit up with a groan, but only got up as far as one elbow. Pushing off again, she made it all the way up. What happened to me? Was I in a battle, and just don't remember? My body doesn't feel injured, but my head! Oh kami, my head!

Sango's voice carried the distance between them, “Oh good, she's awake.”

“Let me through!” Kagome winced as InuYasha yelled. He barreled through the group to get to her side first, even though there were only a few yards away.

“Kagome, what...!”

“InuYasha,” Kagome spoke in a very small, quiet voice. From her tone, and the look in her eyes, they all knew she meant business. “Unless you lower your voice, I will S-I-T you, till you hit bedrock.”

InuYasha knew when not to get on her bad side. This seemed like the right time to do whatever a powerful priestess, that just happened to have a powerful ground pounding spell on him, said to do.

He lowered his voice, “Kagome, what hap...”

“Lower.”

An irritated growl escaped his lips.

“Bedrock, InuYasha”

She cocked one eye up at him, measuring his reaction to see if she would spend the rest of the day drilling a well with his body.

Miroku tried to sidestep the near imminent fight between his two friends, “Kagome, is there anything I can get you?”

“A drink of water would be nice”

The kind monk busied himself with the task.

“Look, I know everyone wants to know what happened to me last night, but to tell you the truth, I'm not really sure myself.”

“Can you remember anything at all?” Sango was concerned for her friend. It seemed as though she was always the target for the worst and wicked in the area. She couldn't count the times the girl had been attacked, kidnapped, poisoned, and generally roughly handled by every idiot that wanted a jewel shard.

“Yeah, it's beginning to come back to me. I went to the spring for a bath”

“Keh” from InuYasha

Her look told him with no words that any more comments from him would earn him that trip south she had mentioned earlier.

“Jaken showed up as Goldfinger, and Sesshomaru was James Bond. He shot Jaken, poured me a drink, and we talked for a minute. I must have stumbled, cuz he caught me and said something else I can't remember. Things get pretty fuzzy after that.”

She took the skin of water that Miroku handed her. She took a cautious sip at first. After making sure that her stomach would be happy with the drink, she proceeded to drain most of the skin.

Shippo was confused. “He must have poisoned you then, for you to sleep for so long.”

“No runt, he didn't poison her, she just drank too much demon sake.” Holding up the porcelain sake bottle from the night before.

“Demon sake?” The group said in unison.

“Yeah, it's sake, made for demons. It's a lot stronger that the sake you humans drink. Most of the time a human can only drink one, maybe two cups before passing out. I can drink eight or so before I black out.”

“Hey,” Miroku glared at InuYasha, “you owe me five gold pieces from last week!”

Hiraikotsu was not close, so Sango used the flat of her hand upside the monks head to remind him to have his quarrel with the dog later.

The water had slaked her thirst, and now all that remained was the pounding in her temples. She had heard her friends from school talk about drinking before, but she had never really tried it. A sip of champagne or sake at big family gatherings or parties was all she had ever had, until last night.

“So,” InuYasha asked dryly, “Did ya make it to two, or pass out after the first one like the monk here.”

Kagome thought back to the previous evening. That sake had tasted so good, and he had looked kind of dashing all decked out in black. Acting suave and strong, but approachable and caring as well.

“Five or six... maybe seven.”

InuYasha and Miroku's mouth's hung open in disbelief.

Sango elbowed Miroku in the ribs. “Why didn't you tell me you had some good sake? Maybe I might have liked a drink.”

“You and Kagome had gone to the spring to bathe, and InuYasha brought it out and made a bet that he could out drink me. By the time you got back, I was already passed out.”

“Next time we pass a village, get some sake, and maybe we will have a drinking contest, that is if you can accomplish what we talked about yesterday.”

Miroku looked over at the slayer, she was so beautiful, he had longed for a sign from her that she was interested. Anything to tell him that his advances were beginning to wear her down. And then yesterday, it happened.

She had been sitting by his side, taking care of his wounds, and giving him unusually generous and lingering views of her cleavage. When the others were off looking for food, water, and firewood, she had placed one hand on his cheek, and brought her mouth close to his ear.

“Do you possess any special talents Miroku?”

“Many.”

“Are any of them like the ones we just saw Sesshomaru perform?”

“I do not understand.”

“Did you notice the way he... bounced the muscles in his chest?”

“I was laying on the ground gasping for breath at the time, but yes I believe I know what you're talking about”

“If you were able to duplicate such a feat, with your body all oiled up like his, I'm not sure I would be able to keep my hands off of you.”

She had stood up and gone to help the others, leaving him out of breath and wondering if he could perform such a trick. He had never tried before, but he was trying now. Every chance he got, while walking, or resting, or laying down trying to sleep, he trained. He was unsure just how much bounce or rhythm would be required for her to keep her promise.

Kagome stood, deciding that there was no other way he could have intimate, detailed knowledge of these characters, she made a decision. “I need to go home, Now!”

“What! We just got out here, we haven't even found a single shard since the last time you left!”

InuYasha's indignation was bringing him painfully close to being an all day grass stain. Kagome's cocked eyebrow reminded him of her previous threat. Wow, Sesshomaru's eyebrow thing really does work!

“Sesshomaru has obviously traveled to my time somehow, and been watching TV. We have to figure out how, and what it is he really wants.”

“Who cares what he wants! I say we let him keep acting like an idiot. To be honest with ya, I've been looking forward to seeing him again today. I wonder who he's gonna show up as next. Jessie James, McGuyver, Ooh, Ooh, I got it! Elvis!”

He jumped up and began to swing his and pump his hips. “Listen to a jail house rock, just listen to a jail house rock.” His legs spread wide, he swung his arm in a circle over his head. “ Thank ya, mama luv ya, good night” He finished the dance with his head down, arm held high in a pretty decent characterization of the King.

A half mile up wind of the party, Sesshomaru's preternatural ears listened in the their conversation. Shit! Damn you InuYasha. You always ruin everything! He began to remove his latest costume. It hadn't been his first choice for today, but when Kagome had slept for half the morning, he had begun to second guess his original decision. I will return to plan A. He looked down at the discarded and now useless uniform. It took me all night to get those tiny jewels to stick to that fabric!

“Baka!” Sango thumped the hanyou on the top of the head. “ Kagome needs to get home and see if everyone there is OK. If Sesshomaru went through the well, the first people he would meet would be her family.”

InuYasha stopped rubbing his skull, the implications of what Sango had said sinking in. He truly cared for Kagome's family, he looked at Sota like a little brother, and Mrs. Higurashi had welcomed him with open arms, and trusted him to take care of her daughter. She never complained once when he would eat everything in the house. “Growing boys need their food” she would say with unflappable optimism, and grab her handbag, headed to the shops for more provisions.

“I'll start packing up the camp. I'm sure they're fine. We'll just go and make sure.” He jumped up and began to make a mess of everything, having never helped pack before.

“It does not seem as though Sesshomaru's intentions are to harm any one.” said Miroku trying to calm his friends fears about her family. “If anything, it looks more like he is trying to communicate something to us. I do not think he would injure your family, as it would serve him no purpose. He is a killer, but in the past, he has only killed to achieve an end, not for pleasure.” Miroku took a moment and prayed that he was right.

They busied themselves, picking up after InuYasha, and packing things properly. Amazingly, as always, fitting as much stuff in Kagome's yellow pack, as could fit in a mid-sized SUV.

Kagome ducked behind some bushes and changed back into her own clothes. Her friends were right, he had no reason to harm her family, she pushed the thought out of her mind. What does he really want? If only I could remember everything he said last night. He was asking me a question, as he was holding me. Her skin prickled as it had before, and she started breathing harder. Strong arm, warm breath, those eyes. Mmmmmmm. MmmmmmMmmmmm!

“Kagome!?”

“Eek!” she jumped.

“You OK?” asked the slayer, “Your face is red. Was Miroku trying to watch you change?!”

She looked around and spied him across the clearing gathering up the water bottles. She sighed with relief. If she had to smack him, it would only delay their departure even further.

“No, no! I'm fine... good... great... ready... really.... I'm ... lets go.”

She hoped her friend hadn't seen her puckering and pretending to kiss the imaginary Inu secret agent.

The sun was high by the time the band was making their way down the path. They had opted to eat their lunch as they walked. Sandwiches and fruit roll-ups from Kagome's pack were munched as they made their way back. Because of the late start, then knew that it would be midday tomorrow before they made it back to the well.

Apparently the gods had noticed that nothing dangerous, strange, humiliating, or completely insane had happened in several hours, and it was time to intervene.

A red sheet began to move across across the path. Not blown by the wind, but held by someone or something behind it to conceal their identity. Due to the previous visits of the last few days, they were relatively sure of the man behind the curtain. The question was who was he today.

The sheet began to wave and wiggle, rolling as the person holding on, shook it. He lowered it to the ground and let it fall as he “teleported” to the surface. He wore tight black pants, and much to Sango's chagrin, a maroon shirt with a triangle on the left chest.

He removed a small piece of wood from his belt, and flicked his hand out

“Deedle De” he began to speak into the wooden communicator.

“I have...arrived on the surface of the ...alien planet. It ...seems as though... the air is good for............breathing.”

No! Please NO! Not him, anyone but him. Why couldn't he have come as 007 again. At least The Rock had a physical appeal, not that she didn't find Sesshomaru appealing as he was. But this was just...ridiculous!

“Deedle De. I will... seek out the ...natives of this strange land, and try ...to establish communication with ................... them.”

Right on cue InuYasha leaped forward in a defensive posture, half a fruit roll up still hanging out of his mouth. “What the hell are you doing here? And why would you get her drunk on demon sake, and leave her in the forest? “

“Deedle De. I have... come into contact with one of the... savages. Although he... appears to have some... minor brain activity, he does not... yet seem to have developed intelligent................ speech.”

“Huh?”

Kagome and Sango giggled into their hands, and the monk smiled. Shippo rolled on the ground, happy that someone else enjoyed insulting InuYasha as much as he did.

“TAAAKEEE MEEEE TO YOOURRR LEEEADERRRR” Sesshomaru wildly gestured between himself and the flummoxed hanyou, willing him to understand.

“That's it! You have lost it! Yesterday it was funny, but now it's just getting annoying! I know you want Kagome for something, well, whatever it is, ya cant have her!” Tetsusaiga transformed, he pointed the mighty blade at the TaiYoukai.

“Deedle De. It... appears the male of the group is... challenging me. If... I am... able to defeat him, I will gain his... trust, and that of the..................whole tribe.”

InuYasha charged forward, prepared to spear his enemy on the tip of the fang. Sesshomaru waited till the last second, sidestepped, and brought his knee into the his abdomen. The air rushed out of the half-breed's lungs with a whoosh. Sesshomaru kicked out hard, his foot connecting with InuYasha's hand, sending the now reverted blade flying across the clearing and burying itself to the hilt in a huge oak tree. His elbow then crashed down on the hanyou's spine sending the pup into the dirt with a yelp. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he lay still.

Sesshomaru began walking towards the rest of the group. All eyes were fixed on him, their crumpled protector all but forgotten.

“Deedle De. I have... defeated their champion, although I have not... killed him. I wish them to know that I am not ...cruel. He was a... formidable opponent, but I ...will not be deterred from my.......... mission.”

As he strode towards them, he paused and ripped his shirt in several places.

Oh, yes please, rip that shirt off, show Miroku how it's done. Sango's eyes lit up at the prospects of a repeat to yesterdays show.

“People of this... strange planet. I have... defeated those that have held you... prisoner. You are .......free!”

He took one long stride and was directly in front of Kagome. She looked up at him wondering if it was possible to that she was just having one long Ramen fueled nightmare.

“You and I are... not so different. We ... come from different worlds, but... I am still a man, and you ...are......a woman.”

“Did you just teleport” finger quotes in the air “here, using a bed sheet?”

“My tek-no-logy may seem...strange to you, but do not...fear, it will do you no ......harm.”

OK, that voice is starting to piss me off!

“Come,” he walked over and picked up the sheet. “ my metal bird is ...high in the sky. I will ...take you there and show you many flashing lights and ......buttons.”

“Captain” the toad stepped out of the bushes, again reading from a parchment, obviously as tired of the pretense as the girl. “Kling-gon's are attacking your metal sky ship with their laz-ers. I would not leave the earth woman here Captain, that would be illogical.”

His lines read, he retreated to the bushes muttering something about the “urges” of Inu males.

While Sesshomaru had been distracted by his delusion, InuYasha had regained consciousness. He silently crept to where Tetsusaiga was still stuck in the tree. As he grasped the grip, the demon fang transformed. He had a fleeting thought that he could cut down his brother who stood with his back to him. He had tried this tactic before, and it had always ended up with him in the dirt and a boot on his neck.

Wisely, he sheathed his birthright, and focused instead on getting Kagome as far away from this madman as possible.

In a burst of speed he came up directly behind Sesshomaru knowing that he would turn and block the attack. As the Inu Lord did so, he veered left, and towards his intended target. Scooping her up in his arms, he ran down the path and out of sight.

They all looked as the cloud of dust settled and they turned their attention back to “The Captain”.

He was a bit startled that his half-brother had actually showed a bit of intelligence and planning in his attack. He had to admit that the hanyou was getting better. I will double my training as soon as I get back to the metal bird...uh... palace..

“Deedle De. I have... freed the prisoners on the primitive...world. My... only regret is that I was unsuccessful... in my ultimate goal. Perhaps... one day these...savages and we who live in the sky can call each other...... friends.”

He realized that he was talking to no one, the others had started after their disappearing friends.

“Deedle De. Nothing is ... left for me here in this barren ...place. I will return to the ...metal flying bird with the hope that... one day I may have another chance to... mate with the ...strange... alien...... female.”

He stooped down, and began wiggling the sheet, slowly raising it up to cover his tall figure. He began to ponder his next move. She was not wholly unreceptive to this person. Perhaps it is because she can relate to his grasp of her future world. She seemed to have a positive response to my compassion for those weaker to myself. I should try a “cool guy” that is devoted to helping of others.

Looking around, he realized that he was still standing in the middle of the path, with a sheet over his head.