I Don’t Want a Mate

It was disturbingly comfortable. The little brushes of his clothed arm against hers, the way he would take her hand in his and rub light circles with his thumb on the back of it. One part of her reveled in the intimate contact, screaming that this was what she wanted, that this was right. The other part fought it, telling her that she was forgiving him. He committed a grieves crime against her, he shouldn't be forgiven. Then why was she slowly loosing her anger? With every brush and stroke of his body against hers, her fury cooled just a little more.

Sesshoumaru reveled in the little contact he was sharing with his mate. It wasn't much but it was enough to allow him to keep his beast in control. He had told her that, by nature, Inu's were very affectionate to their mate's, and he hadn't lied. Little touches were enough for now, but soon she would crave him due to the pup. It would make her body thrum with desire, calling her to him in order to supply their pup with the youki it needed. She wouldn't be able to resist, though he was sure she would try. Her stubborn nature disallowed anything else. He wondered briefly how long she'd be able to fight the call. For now, he would content himself with little displays of affection to acclimate her to him.

He gazed around him and marvel at the sights. The 'market' was severely different from anything he had previously witnessed. He had expected some differences but not this much. The area possessed a section of stalls selling hand crafted-items and fresh foods, however, he was informed that the 'farmer's market' was only available on certain days. The area was also lined with store upon store, each towering building hugged its neighbor. Much to his pleasure, no cars were allowed down the main shopping streets. He knew not to react violently to anything unless his in-laws or mate did. He applied all he had learned into this experience and decided that Mrs. Higurashi was right, the only way to truly understand another culture was to experience it first hand. Learning from the safety of her home only helped to a point.

He was mostly observing the habits and customs of the humans he encountered. It was enlightening to witness their dress and interactions with each other. Many were dressed far from decently in his opinion. Glancing at his mate from the corner of his eye, he decided he approved of her attire. Kagome was dressed in a light summer sleeveless dress reaching to her knees. Over all, it was very conservative compared to what he was witnessing on the other women her age. It showed more skin than was acceptable to his people, but much less than was deemed acceptable by hers. The ribbon attached to the back of the dress was tied in a loose bow and showed her curves nicely, but not obscenely.

The throngs of people were uncomfortable to his senses and, as a result he was required to deadened them a bit more than he would have liked. He was content with the knowledge that he still possessed his keen eyesight and quick reflexes. He was a bit put out that he was forced to dress and appear as human, however, he soothed his unease with the thought that, if he was to learn anything, he must blend in. A good spy didn't draw attention to himself, but observed the customs of the land he was in. This was no different, he was determined to understand his mate so that he could make her life as comfortable as possible when they returned to his home. He wouldn't be able to do that if he didn't understand her culture.

He had been stunned that not only were the males educated, but that all females were as well. It seemed that females held as much power and important positions as the males. That explained why Kagome often thought nothing of voicing her opinions to him and others. In the past he had often thought that she didn't understand her place in society. He was vastly wrong, she did. What she didn't understand was her place in his society. He would have a hard time getting her to accept that it was expected of her to be seen and not heard. They would have to make concessions about that if they were to live in harmony. And he was bound and determined that it would happen.

The day passed pleasantly enough. The warm early summer weather was relaxing and, despite the throngs of people, Kagome observed that Sesshoumaru seemed to be comfortable enough. He was particularly interested in the baby toys her mother insisted on buying. The toys were kept simple for the most part, mainly consisting of wood so that they wouldn't bring unwanted questions to anyone back in the Western Lands. Clothing was bought along with children's books and anything else that her mother could think of. Some things would just have to be kept hidden from other people. Kagome had insisted that it was premature to buy such things, but was shot down. Her mother, and even her mate, insisted that there no time like the present to gather supplies. Her arguments that they didn't know the babies sex or even if she would be able to carry to term were lost.

Both her mother and Sesshoumaru simply ignored her and continued shopping happily. When it was explained to Sesshoumaru the advances in medicine, and that still birth and miscarriages were low in this time, he was adamant that Kagome receive all her care here. Her mother, of course was thrilled. Whipping out her Handy she had called the doctor's office immediately for a confirmation pregnancy test and the first prenatal exam. To her credit, she did think to make sure that the doctor assigned to Kagome would be female. Sesshoumaru was bound to be possessive of his mate, especially while pregnant, and a male doctor would only incite violent instincts to protect her.

The ride home was filled with Mrs. Higurashi's accounts of her own two pregnancies and the explanation of what to expect during an exam. The look on Sesshoumaru's face was priceless as it was explained how Kagome would undergo her checkups. Stirrups and clamps were a foreign and scary idea to the taiyoukai. Once at home, her mother had to sit down with her distraught mate and reassure him that everything was routine, and even offered to accompany them. Kagome was embarrassed and dismayed that she would have a full audience at her prenatal checkup, but bit her tongue at telling them to back off. She knew her mate would come no matter what, and if having her mother there would calm him, then so be it. At least her mother would be familiar with everything happening to her and could prevent her mate from killing the doctor. She fervently prayed that they didn't switch doctors on her at the last minute.

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A smoldering rage began to boil just below the surface. She allowed the touching, the casual caresses, but this was unacceptable. He would not stay in her room tonight. No way, no how. She wasn't ready for him to have access to her in her own sanctuary. This was her place, her haven. Now this arrogant demon lord thought to invade it under the guise of soothing his beast. It was his beast that got them into this problem to start with. Looking around the room, her eyes rested on the bags of baby paraphernalia. Toys, clothes and other necessities nestled innocently in the plastic confines. It was his beast that got them into this. Why should she allow him, it, access to her when she was most vulnerable?

"No, you're not staying here." Kagome's stormy blue eyes had a hard glint to them. There that was said. Sesshoumaru would have to back down. She had already made concessions to him. She'd allowed him his little touches but this was too much. Too soon.

"You don't have a choice, mate. You need to get as comfortable with me as possible before next week. You will seek me out regardless of you're feelings, especially when it's time for the pup to feed on my youki. If you don't want to be anymore traumatized than you are, then you must get used to me. You are my mate, and when we return, it will be expected of us to share a bed, even if we aren't intimate. You will share my rooms and sleep in my bed. I will sleep in here tonight, but for this night, and this night only, I will not share your bed. I will simply stay here in the room with you. Tomorrow I will share your bed." Sesshoumaru was not going to back down on this. She had to get use to him. It was necessary for several reasons; for their apperance in his kingdom, to sooth his beast, preventing it from doing something desperate, and for the protection, comfort, and health of their pup. He understood her misgivings, but this was going to happen. Sesshoumaru turned sharply on his heel and strode to the window, his silver hair trailing him. He sat below it making himself comfortable, leaning his back against the cool wall and closed his eyes. His mate could do as she wished but he would remain the night.

Kagome stood, staring at him and fuming, her body tense with fury. Finally, she suffocated her feelings of misgiving and anger and pointedly ignored him. Gathering her belongings for bed, she adjourned to the bathroom. The day had gone well. She was excited to have things for her baby. It made her child seem more real, less of a nightmare, and at the same time, more hope blossomed in her. The little touches had continued thoughout the day and gave her hope that her situation would eventually come to a point where she could learn to care for Sesshoumaru, even if she did not learn to love him. It was amazing how the little shows of affection could help settle her volatile emotions.

Kagome opened the bedroom door causally. The moonlight glittered through her window, bathing Sesshoumaru in its silver glow. He looked peaceful, harmless. She snorted inwardly at that. There was nothing harmless about him. As silently as she could, she slid past the door and shut it with a soft click. She quickly glanced at him again, making sure he was still asleep. Kagome took a moment to gaze at his beauty; the magenta slashes across his high cheek bones, the navy crescent moon in the center of his forehead, the pale skin that seemed to glow ethereal, and his silver blue hair that seemed like it was spun from the moonlight itself. He wasn't handsome, he was beautiful.

'Damn immortals and their godly looks.' Kagome winced at the thought. She had momentarily forgotten she was now an immortal as well. Scowling, she glided across the moonlit room and snuggled down into her bed, drawing her covers up tight under her chin. Sleep came it fits and starts but she finally was able to drift off.

When her heartbeat slowed and her breathing calmed, Sesshoumaru opened his eyes. His eyes soaked her in as he marveled at her. Part of him was thrilled that such a powerful and exotic woman belong to him. The other part cringed at how that came about. There was nothing that could change their situation but he had to prepare her for life in his world. Her world had shown him many wonders and it helped him understand her better. He'd make all the necessary concessions to her, but somethings she'd have to bend to as well. It wasn't going to be easy for them to come to terms but he would be damned if he allowed their mating to be one of hatred and bitterness. She had responded well to him today, better than he had hoped. Tonight was a set back, true, but a necessary one, he was confidant that, with time, she'd accept her fate and hopefully him.

Kagome's hair spread darkly against her sheets, almost blending into the night around it. Her chest slowly rose and fell beneath the covers. Her face was devoid of all her worries and serene. This was how he wanted her, utterly at peace. It was what she deserved and what he craved to give her. He may not love her, but he was fond of her, and as her mate, he'd move the heavens for her. He only wished she'd trust him to protect her even from himself. He understood her lack of trust but it pained him all the same. He sighed inwardly and closed his eyes again. Tomorrow was another day and he'd have to keep strong and continue to wear her down. He'd eventually make her see he only wanted what was best for them both. Now if only it didn't take a lifetime to do it.

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Kagome awoke to sunlight tickling her skin, causing it to tingle lightly. Scrunching her eyes closed tighter, she shifted trying to block out the light. Her vision was a pink haze from the insidious sun shining on her lids. Annoyed, she burrowed her head into her pillow and felt around for her blanket. Her hand connected with something deliciously soft. Tugging furiously, she attempted to pull it over her head.

"Do you mind? That's my tail you're pulling." A soft voice said, it's amused tones sent shivers down her spine. Her eyes snapped open and she released her hand, drawing it to her chest as if burned. Embarrassment and unease warred in her.

What the hell was Sesshoumaru doing in her bed? It took her a minute to get her bearings. Vaguely, she came aware of what day it was, and that her mate had been sharing her bed for almost a week now. 'I still can't get used to it,' she thought. Over all it hadn't been that bad. Every night she went to bed, he would follow her. He'd pull her to him once they were settled and spoon her through the night. She'd be tense every time, but over the course of the week she'd relax just a little faster in his tight embrace. Every morning she'd wake up to an arm pulling her snugly to a firm chest and sculpted abs. Every morning she'd forget where she was and tense up relaxing only slightly when she realized where she was and who had her.

"You need to rise soon, mate. The appointment your mother made you to see the healer for the pup is today." Kagome was not looking forward to this. Not only was her mother going with her, but her guard dog as well. He was doing remarkably well for a violent over protective male dog demon though. He didn't let his beast urge him to do anything that could get him, or someone else, in trouble. However, anytime a guy looked at her in an 'inappropriate manner', she'd be swept up into his arms and he'd nuzzle the side of her neck, supposedly to reinforce a scent marking. She really didn't care what his reasons were, and fought it at first, but damn if it didn't relax her every time. Stretching languorously, she heard a few cracks coming from her back before she disengaged her mate's arms and started her morning. Secretly, she was looking forward to her mate's excuses and his little touches that he did throughout the day. It was a small voice in her head that whispered the rightness of it, but lately with every little thing, he did the voice grew in volume.

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Sitting in the waiting room of her o.b's office, Kagome was more nervous than her mate. Sesshoumaru exuded calm and was gently holding her hand their fingers entwined. Glancing at him from the corner of her eye, she marveled once again at his 'human' transformation. 'He is really quite attractive as a human, though', she thought with a frown, 'he's annoyingly handsome in any of his forms.' A spark of jealousy roused in her chest before she squashed it down. It was a matter of species after all. All higher youkai were nauseatingly beautiful. A nurse came and called her name causing her to jump slightly. Gathering her wits, she entered the second stage of getting her exam over with.

Sesshoumaru kept close to her and observed everything with a rapt eye, absorbing proceedings and strange devices. He carefully began cataloging all questions to ask for future discussion with his mate or mother-in-law; he wanted to know everything that transpired. From his understanding, they would have to make the trip to see the healer several times to make sure that the pup grew normally. Things could come up at any time during the course of the pregnancy that needed to be treated to prevent a miscarriage or still birth. He payed close attention to the questions his mate was asked and what was done. By the time they were done, he had many questions of his own, and it wouldn't do well to call attention to himself by asking questions others would know the answer of already.

Having cleared the second hurdle minus a small amount of blood, they waited in the exam room. Kagome perched herself on the exam table dressed in an open gown after vociferously insisting that she was supposed to wear it, and that Sesshoumaru should just sit down and shut it. Sesshoumaru was sitting in a cheap plastic chair against the wall pouting; true to anyone else, it would be unnoticeable, but during her two week-long attempt to ignore him, she picked up the little signs he gave off. It still amazed her that he was capable of pouting, it really seemed like a very un-Sesshoumaru thing to do. Her mother was lightly swinging back and forth on a little round stool near the other wall. Kagome looked at both of them and inwardly cursed herself for allowing them to come, knowing that no level of hell itself could have prevented them.

Sesshoumaru was torn between wanting to again insist that his mate cover herself in more appropriate attire, and wanting to rip the flimsy gown off of her and have his way with his seductive little mate. Grudgingly, he admitted that he would have to wait till tomorrow to have his way with her. Sometime tonight, she'd start to show signs of the pup needing to be fed. Gods, was he looking forward to that. While he realized that he had to work on their relationship before he would be able to enjoy the full benefits of being mated, he was still male and still desired his mate in the most carnal of ways.

For Sesshoumaru, the exam went both quickly and agonizingly slow at the same time. He was beyond pleased that Mrs. Higurashi had the foresight to make sure his mate had a female healer. He couldn't understand how any male would tolerate another male, even a healer, doing that kind of exam to their female. The image of his mate wearing that flimsy robe, stretched out on the high table with her legs spread wide and propped up as if in welcome was enough to fuel pleasant dreams for a life time. Much to his delight, the healer requires several more of those exams over the duration of Kagome's pregnancy. He was also pleased that everything was progressing smoothly. At this stage of pregnancy there wasn't much to determine about the pup. The blood which was taken from his mate proved her to be pregnant, and though he already knew that, it seemed that humans wouldn't be able to take his word for it, since youkai didn't exist as far as they were concerned.

He did remarkably well considering how the woman was touching his mate. He only elicited a few low growls that the humans present couldn't detect. Inu's were very protective and not just concerning other males. It helped that the woman explained everything she was doing before she did it. The situation was nerve wrecking and for more than the fact that this strange woman was touching his mate in inappropriate ways and in vulnerable places. If the healer had a hidden dagger or concealed poison it could end his mate's life or that of his pup's before he could react to the threat.

It took a great deal of will power not to forcibly move the healer away from his mate and claim her again. He had to silently chant to himself that the pup would need to feed tomorrow, and try as she might, Kagome wouldn't be able to resist the call. The exam itself was an interesting thing to watch. The use of an odd metal devise was inserted into his mate, where personally he thought no one but him should be allowed to insert anything, and allowed the healer to exam her to determine that all was as it should be. Samples of her female essence were taken to make sure she didn't have any illnesses that could be harmful to the growing pup. Her breasts were checked to make sure that she didn't have the signs of a strange but potentially deadly disease, one that he was more than willing to check for that himself at a latter date. He was also pretty sure he should take samples of her essence as well, after all he was a youkai and had heightened senses, there could be something the healer missed. Sesshoumaru smirked to himself at his errant thoughts. As much as he would love to indulge in such play, he was sure the mere suggestion of it to his mate would have him in trouble. 'Maybe when she finally calms down and allows me my rights as her mate, she'll be up to a personal exam.'

Kagome was staring at him with a questioning look on her face. She was already dressed and ready to leave. Clearing the smirk off his face, he rose from his chair and followed her and his mother-in-law out of the exam room. They still had to pick up her 'prenatal vitamins' and return to her home to pack. He wanted to be back in the palace by nightfall. Between tonight and tomorrow, he would again claim his mate. He had every intention of taking advantage of her needs and the uncontrollable desire that was soon to surface. He wasn't above taking advantage of his mate's needs while pregnant. There was always the chance that her mother was wrong and she never forgave him enough to allow him to mate with her again. He was going to enjoy this time as much as possible, unsettling as it was, this may be the last pregnancy she ever had and the last chance for him to have her.