Strength

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Naikosan, ardentes. Kinkou, jdbbrz, Boy Chaos, Madame De Cheur, BabyTee, alwayslove, Nymph Nyx, Snowfall, Vyperbytes, Varjo and T'Amara from a adult ff.

To all of you and everyone one who has read, cried, laughed, supported, reviewed, rated, fav'ed and even cursed me in the journey of this fic thank you very much for your support and Seasons Greetings and Happy New Year!

This is dedicated to everyone who reads this hope you have a GREAT year and holidays. (One part is dedicated to another reader, see that in the bottom. :3 )

Again thanks to Adentes and Kinkou for the Baby God's name Naoyakaichou (The one who will repair the balance/harmony) called Naoya.

Read, review and enjoy

Chapter 38 : Sesshoumaru's resolve! (Or dilemma.)

"I thought Inuyasha was getting better! Explain Sesshoumaru!"

Sesshoumaru hid a sigh as he stared coldly at his mother and Hana, both women were glaring at him rather balefully.

It was a week since Inuyasha's first public health incident, one week since the palace seemed to be walking on eggshells and on hyper-alert. Most of the palace seemed geared towards guarding and looking after HIS mate, Sesshoumaru was a little torn between relief, amusement and irritation at all the concern. Inuyasha was HIS mate, he was in control and he did not need everyone looking over his shoulder. That said, seeing his mate was less than communicative about his state of health, and very able at hiding his personal issues, have so many other 'eyes' watching his mate was a benefit Sesshoumaru could not ignore.

Inuyasha of course was making light of the whole situation.

The day before yesterday for instance Inuyasha had lost another tooth and he had gone around his lips covering his teeth, pretending he had lost them all. "Toothless" he had played chase-y with the children pretending to want to make them into pup-soup. So he could gobble them up. He caught them and blew buzz-bubbles into they tummies. Even Yuusha had not been exempt, and though the Pup pretended to be insulted, his eyes were shining with joy. The kids had all laughed and joked around.

Their laughter was infectious, and everyone had been amused.

Everyone except those closest to the young warrior, they had tried but Kouga, Ryuoko, Hana and Sesshoumaru could find nothing funny about the situation. When Kouga had said that it was not a laughing matter, Inuyasha had given him a sideways look and smiled. The smile had been kind, understanding; the smile a very old experienced person gives a child still raw to the shit life throws at people. Kouga had not fully understood the smile, Kouga had many losses in his life, but not on a personal level, not to the point of being broken and pushing beyond that loss. Kouga had turned away his heart aching.

Inuyasha did not say anything. Sesshoumaru ground his teeth, his soul ached for his mate, Sesshoumaru had understood. If his much too young little brother had not laughed, he may have cried. And if Inuyasha cried Sesshoumaru wondered if there was anything that would be able to stem the tears. Inuyasha could not afford to cry, he was a Papa, so he smiled, he laughed... Anything to express the myriad of emotions trapped in his being.

Inuyasha made jokes about his illness, though Sesshoumaru found no humor in it what so ever he made an effort to smile in response. He had never been more glad that he was not the jovial kind. Kouga was, and his lack of response to the jokes made it harder for Inuyasha to laugh, and Sesshoumaru had found himself helping the young alpha wolf out by sending him on various errands.

The palace had mobilized even without Sesshoumaru ordering it. Inuyasha was never alone. Now it was not only his body guards, Inuyasha's assistants were waiting outside his rooms in the mornings, one or two were always with him even during training, and they escorted him back in the evenings. Unlike the guards the assistants could and did ensure Inuyasha had food and drink on hand, they ordered seats for the Hanyou when he seemed a little tired and they monitored his health closely. All the assistants were minor nobility, so they had an authority that surpassed the guards. Aside from Sora the Hawk Demon, 2 dog demons, a chameleon demon, a bat demon and an otter demon made up the main group of assistants that had Inuyasha under constant surveillance. A mixture of males and females, Sesshoumaru was pleased with their combination of talents and the respect and distance they maintained with their Inuyasha-sama. The demon Lord had explicitly drawn their boundaries of contact with his mate, and made it clear that no 'accidents' would be tolerated.

Sesshoumaru was also aware that Sora kept Yuusha updated in his Papa's health, and recognizing the pup's need for some sense of control in a suddenly scary world, Sesshoumaru had quietly given his approval. As for Inuyasha, yes he was irritated by the extra attention, yes he did order them away with mind numbing frequency, but since they went conveniently deaf during his rants; Inuyasha was resigned to the situation. There were some benefits, namely the presence of the assistance made sure that other nobles with stupid ass petitions did not surprise him in the hallways.

There was another reason Inuyasha put up with it, in spite of his bluster, this was different from his first pregnancy. Last time he drained himself, this time there was nothing to drain. The tiny reserve of energy he had got from the eclipse healing ceremony had been given to his god pup, There was nothing in his reserves, all his energy came from the food he ate and from Sesshoumaru. He had nothing to fall back on, and Inuyasha was afraid. Now he wanted to live, he wanted to fight, but there was literally almost nothing to fight with. And the realization that his own strength that had got him though hell and back was not going to come to his rescue this time; that his own strength was just not enough, was a acid that ate at his heart and soul. He was so afraid for his unborn pups, so he was secretly relieved to have the extra eyes and assistance in ensuring the safety of the unborn heirs of the Shiro Inu Youkai. That relief disgusted him, Weak! He was such a fucking coward!

Inuyasha hid all that and blustered to make sure everyone felt he was doing alright.

Sesshoumaru stared at the two women, he supposed he had to be grateful that Suijin was not around. The goddess had gone to see some of the elder gods for advice and any kind of assistance that they could give. Using Naoya as the reason, she could negotiate with the Gods for the Babe Gods future and hopefully do it without having Inuyasha incur more debts. It was a little frustrating for Sesshoumaru, they had a god on their side, but he was a baby and could not help.

His frustration at everything, cumulated in him glaring at the two women. His patience broke "What happened? What happened!" He spat out. "What happened was Inuyasha undid the healing, he gives so much to the puppies, he has nothing left. He didn't hesitate, he just gave his what he could to the baby God so that he could live. And our unborn pups, they are fine, because with what he has left he protected them. They are fine, they are perfect and INUYASHA suffers!" The words were hard and biting, frustration and anger unspoken for too long coating each word.

The women hesitated, they both had know that but blaming Sesshoumaru helped them, they had not expected the outburst.

"Son, what exactly are you saying?" Ryoku asked softly her eyes as hard as her son's. "Do you wish Inuyasha had not saved the babe?"

"Of course not." Sesshoumaru snapped back, frustrated that no one seemed to understand. "Inuyasha is Inuyasha, that he would save the babe was a forgone conclusion as soon as the babe found his "Papa" I cannot and would not change my mate. The problem is that the rest of you seem to think I am like my mate, and I am not! As my bearer, beta and Mate, I support the decisions he makes, but he is MY beta, My Bearer and My Mate and I will not make the same decisions he makes." Sesshoumaru's eyes were tinged red as he said those words.

A soft sound from behind had them all turning around, and the door opened allowing a pale Inuyasha to enter.

"Sesshoumaru what are you saying? What the fuck do you mean?" Inuyasha growled, shocked, he truly believed that Sesshoumaru would protect the unborn pups no matter what, to hear otherwise was chilling the Hanyou like nothing else could.

Sesshoumaru looked hard at his mate, so much was unspoken between them. It could not go one. And since his mate had asked… so be it, the time for silence was at an end.

"Inuyasha, what do I mean? Very well since you ask I will tell you. I love our Pups, there are more important to me than my life and, if there was no other option, I would give my last breathe for every one of them born or unborn without hesitation. There is nothing I would not do, nothing I would not destroy to protect them.." Sesshoumaru said flatly, sincerity and unwavering purpose in every word, Inuyasha relaxed, nodding in agreement.

But then Sesshoumaru ghosted to him, and cupped the face of his mate. The pain and stress had left little visual marks on Inuyasha's face, except he looked older, his eyes less shiny and bright. And there were faint very faint lines at the corner of his eyes, that only demons eyes could see. Sesshoumaru gently stroked the lines, wanting to wipe them from existence.

"I would give my life for them, but make no mistake Inuyasha I will NOT give yours."

Everyone in the room gasped, Inuyasha's eyes widened impossibly, confusion coating the golden orbs.

"Your first instinct as a Bearer is to protect your pups, I understand that, and respect that even. But understand this Inuyasha, my first instinct as your Alpha and Mate, and as the other father is to protect the Bearer of my Pups, MY MATE not my pups, comes first. IF you ever place me in a position to choose between you and ANY of the Pups, Inuyasha know that for this Sesshoumaru there is no choice, there is no hesitation, no discussion. My choice is a foregone conclusion, above all else in this universe I will save you, little brother, my Inuyasha, my mate." Sesshoumaru said the words flatly, honestly, they were simply the unvarnished truth.

Inuyasha shook his head almost desperately, he did not seem to notice that his hand was clutching at Sesshoumaru's sleeve even as he attempted to pull back. "No, You love the pups. I KNOW you love the pups, they are the only reason I am here, they are important not me. No.. you love the pups!"

Sesshoumaru firmly hauled Inuyasha to him, his lips raining feathery kisses on Inuyasha's face. "Yes! I love the pups, and yes at first they were the reason you were here. But that did not last long, Inuyasha. Very quickly since you came here, I discovered that while I love our pups, I love you more. I brought you here for them, I mated you for me. I love you Inuyasha, my brother. My beta, my mate! More then anything in this universe, you are the first in my heart, my soul rests in your palms, and I can not, will not live in a world without you in it. It is simple really My Inuyasha, make sure you are safe and I will give my all to keep the pups safe, but place yourself in danger and my priority is you. The rest of the world can be consigned to hell, and I will still make sure you are safe before I lift a finger for anyone else."

That said Sesshoumaru sealed Inuyasha's lips with his, at first the Hanyou was too stunned to respond, than as the heat and words invaded him, despite the "Papa" part of him wanting to howl in protest, Inuyasha melted into Sesshoumaru. Inuyasha was choking as he clung tight to the warmth before him, as the words destroyed what Inuyasha believed his reality to be for so long. That HE and not the pups were valued, were loved, was something Inuyasha had never, never expected to hear. Inuyasha did not know how to respond, his body trembled with the confusion of emotion that flooded his system. His eyes were wide, other then the shaking, he was frozen and but his hand clutched Sesshoumaru's shoulder. He could not let go, and he could not move.

He did not have to, Sesshoumaru wrapped moko moko around his mate, cradling him in all that was his Alpha. Inuyasha was his mate, and Sesshoumaru was never going to let him leave him.

The women watched the deep embrace, and they could finally see it, the deep emotions and bonds that swirled in complex mists around the two. Inuyasha looked strong and yet fragile in Sesshoumaru's embrace. His confusion and, yes, his fear finally apparent. Inuyasha was not getting 'better' simply because on top of everything else this was a complicated pregnancy. The unborn pups were putting more of a strain on the Hanyou than the first litter had done, there was not reason for it – it just was. They would all do their best, only now Sesshoumaru's intention was finally clear, he would save his mate before he saved anything else. It was simultaneously comforting and terrifying.

Late that night the mates lay in bed, Sesshoumaru having showed Inuyasha his love with his body. Every inch of the Hanyou had been kissed and claimed. He had come hard, his mate buried deep inside him. His breathe were short and deep, and as Sesshoumaru held him close Inuyasha finally spoke.

"Sesshou... you really do love me?" He whispered uncertainty coating his words. He felt a soft kiss on the back of his neck, and Sesshoumaru turned him around to face him.

"Yes my Mate, I love you." Sesshoumaru said gently, his long claws running through Inuyasha's soft hair. His usually ice cold eyes glowed with warmth.

Inuyasha blushed red, he glanced away unable to meet the warmth, guilt crawled up his throat. "Sesshou.. but.. I .. I .. care.. I dont, I cant.. know.. I want.." The words just did not seem to form in his tight and dry mouth.

A long claw pressed to his lips, and a warm tongue lapped at his nose.

"Hush, Inuyasha. I know. I did not say this with the expectation of you saying anything in return. What ever you feel for me, it is for now, enough. I love you, that is a simple and unvarnished truth and for now, all you need to do is look after yourself and accept my feeling for you. It is more than enough." Sesshoumaru smiled gently and kissed each of his mates eyes.

Inuyasha felt his blood catch fire again. He reached up, wrapped his arms around his Alpha and kissed him hard. His body began to move sensually against his Alpha. Sesshoumaru because of Inuyasha's health was uncertain of going again, but Inuyasha's warm hand closed around Sesshoumaru's cock, and that made any hesitation on the DaiYoukai's part evaporate. Sesshoumaru turned to his side so that Inuyasha would not have weight on his belly, and Inuyasha's clever fingers brought Sesshoumaru's body to throbbing life. Inuyasha kissed his mating mark on Sesshoumaru's neck, making the DaiYoukai shudder in pleasure.

Inuyasha rubbed his whole body against his mate's, his voice was husky and full of need "Sesshoumaru.. I want.. I need.. I want..."

A low growl interrupted the words, and both mates froze.

They looked down, at Inuyasha's loudly growling stomach, Sesshoumaru forced his facial muscles to move into a parody of of a grin. It was in truth more a grimace of pain. "You need food, little brother."

"Ahh, errr.. he he.. Inuyasha laughed weakly caught between utter embarrassment and desire. He scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "Ya I guess, I was a little stunned so I didn't eat much at dinner. But it doesn't matter we could..."

"NO! We could not! Your health before everything.. even this!" Sesshoumaru winched as he carefully got out of bed, "We will continue after I have fed you." He smiled wickedly at his mate, "It is my pleasure to satisfy ALL your hunger!" The innuendo and the wink had Inuyasha going a bright red and pulling the blanket over his head. Sesshoumaru managed to chuckle, his movements were careful as he made his way to the private dining areas to get his mate some food.

Sesshoumaru got a selection of cold meats and cheese, after a bit of thought, with a wicked grin he grabbed some thick rich cream and a bowl of succulent mixed berries. It was not everyday he confessed his feelings, so it was best that he truly satisfy all their hungers. Sesshoumaru dipped a finger in the cream and licked it up slowly. Delicious, it would do nicely.

Sesshoumaru gilded back into the room, his mate was still hiding under the covers. Sesshoumaru grinned, Inuyasha was so wonderfully shy at times, he reached out and pulled the blanket down.

His heart caught, he stared into the most beautiful, angelic face,... fast asleep.

Sesshoumaru's cock throbbed in disappointment.

What was a DaiYoukai to do? With a growl of displeasure he turned to walk towards the garden. It was Autumn the cold pond would just have to do.

-tbc-

**whistles... so which title is more appropriate resolve or dilemma?

I am evil but you can thank my wonderful reviewer Jdbbrz for that last bit of evilness (* "Sesshou blame HER not me.!"*SunHawk ducks whip aimed in her direction) . JDBBRZ and your reviews rock and thanks for that :) errr.. sorry for outing you to Sesshy... but seriously... Im already on his hit list. :

Anyway bring In ideas and stuff, have a great one people! Hugs! SunHawk