Innocent Beginnings

Innocent Beginnings
By: Maggz
Disclaimer: InuYasha and Co. © Rumiko Takahashi


Chapter 38: You're A Hard Habit To Break


What I did that next night - I just don't have any sound explanations for. I have no excuses. I have nothing to clarify it. I don't know why I did it and that's the best I can come up with.


I'd finished talking to Sesshomaru... and then InuYasha... and tried my best to sleep once I'd washed up and changed into my PJ'S. But it just wouldn't come. I tossed and turned until the sheets were wrapped around my legs and my duvet was shoved onto the floor. Finally, grabbing my headphones, I plugged them into my stereo and turned on the radio, letting my mind just drift from one thing to the next. I didn't want to dwell on an unhappy Sesshomaru. I'd already made my mind up that I was finished with him before he'd called and now he'd gone and complicated matters even more, as usual, by `needine. Ie. I felt guilty and THAT made me angry and frustrated because I wanted HIM to be the one that felt guilty, not me!


Sometime during that period of sporadic thinking, I must've fallen asleep because when I next opened my eyes and glanced at the clock, I saw that it was going on 11am. I could hear Kikyo begging Uncle Ichi for a bit of money so that she could go shopping with her friends later. I heard Reika answer the telephone and call to Uncle Ichi, temporarily saving him from having to explain himself for the hundredth time to Kikyo as to why he reckoned she didn't need half as much money as she thought she did. I figured Kikyo, like myself, was the only sane person in the house, being that anyone who woke before the hour of 11am was seriously muddled!


Sitting up on the edge of my bed, I glanced at the pile of obliterated keys I'd mounded there the night before and with a groan, remembered that Sesshomaru would be on his way home already. I half hoped he wouldn't feel it necessary to contact me. I wasn't sure what I felt now or how I'd react. I needed time. Yet I was very worried about him...


Padding into my bathroom, I turned the shower on and grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste, stepped under the spray once I'd undressed. A few quick minutes later I was dressed in a pair of baggy shorts and an old T-shirt, making my way downstairs in search of food.


A cold bacon sandwich sat wrapped in plastic on the countertop and grabbing it, I slid it into the microwave to heat up while I went to the fridge for a Coke.


"Morning, sleepyhead! What time did you get in last night?", Reika smiled, ruffling my hair as she walked by.


"Umm, not sure... around 11, I think. Not too late.", I said, popping the top on the soda.


"Have fun?", she asked, walking to the sink to wash out the juice glass she'd unearthed in someone's room, I was sure.


"Yeah, it was nice.", I said, the sound of the microwave finishing it's cycle interrupting me.


"That's good. So you think you aced your geometry exam then?", she asked, sitting down at the table as I took the seat across from her, warm sandwich in hand.


"I know I did!", I grinned, carefully unwrapping the plastic from the bread.


"That's wonderful, Rin. You have simply amazed me. I'm very proud of you.", she said, reaching over to pat my hand.


"Couldn't have done it without Kohaku.", I mumbled around a bite of sandwich.


"I know that, Rin.", she said.


They still partially blamed Kohaku for `leading me astray' even though they had relented enough to allow me to see him pretty much whenever I wanted. I knew if they'd had their choice, or if I'd been their own daughter, I'd probably not have been so lucky and for that I was thankful. Without Kohaku, it was true, where would I have been?


"So... have you talked to Sesshomaru?", Reika asked.


"No. Not since he left.", I lied, feeling the bread suddenly stick in my throat.


"Isn't he due back today?", she asked.


"I think so...", I mumbled, reaching for my soda to wash it down with.


"Any plans?", she asked.


"Not that I know of. I was thinking of going over to Naomi's this evening if that's OK with you...", I said, an idea just popping into my brain as if by magic.


"Party?", she asked.


"Yeah, end of school and all.", I commented, wrapping up what was left of the sandwich as I rose from my seat. I was never comfortable telling a lie. I hadn't perfected things that far yet!


"Sounds good. You deserve some fun!", she smiled and I felt I was about as low as I could get.


"I'm going to go running, need anything?", I asked, looking around for my trainers.


"No. Not that I can think of. Be careful, Rin.", she said and I smiled, waggled my fingers at her as I picked up my shoes and headed out the door.


Before the accident, I'd been an avid runner - participating heavily in track and field events and winning most I entered. When I'd temporarily lost the ability to walk, I'd despaired to think I might never enjoy the freedom of feeling the wind blow through my hair and across my face as I jogged across parks and along sidewalks. I'd only recently taken the activity up again, along with Kohaku. We usually met three nights a week to go running together and it seemed to bring a peace to my soul when nothing else worked.


Taking the course I usually ran, I found myself in the park and decided to run along the path near the edge of the lake. Things seemed much easier to work out than they had the evening before and like I've mentioned, I had a plan to work through...


A foolish desire, you might say... but a plan nonetheless.


Returning home two hours later, I made arrangements to meet a few of my friends at McDonalds and once there, had Naomi promise to cover for me should anyone call from my home to her house for me. I knew the likelihood was slim to none, for Reika rarely if ever checked up on me, but I wanted to make sure my bases were covered just in case.


I felt the strong desire to do something WRONG. To break out of the mold I'd begun to feel pushed into. Sesshomaru wanted me to be a good little girl, always doing and saying the `right' thing but it seemed to ME that he was otherwise attracted- sexually, at least- to bad girls and since sexually is where I desired him most at the moment, I wanted to experience what it might feel like to BE a bad girl for one night.


You may be thinking that I'd been plenty bad already but I don't consider my past attempts at club hopping `bad'. I also never considered the time I spent in Kohaku's bed as `bad' either, nor my newfound habit of smoking cigarettes or lying to my family.


I just wanted to be FREE!


So I devised the plan, covered my bases, packed a sexy change of clothing in an overnight case and made my way to The Met. As before, I called a taxi to pick me up a few blocks from home, directing it to the club. Once there, I ducked into an old hotel lobby next door to the club and finding a restroom, changed into my outfit de jour!


This time I'd chosen a tight black mini skirt that just barely covered my ass. With it, I'd picked out a matching black spaghetti strap sweater that just skimmed my belly button and sliding my feet into a pair of sexy heels not ten minutes after I`d entered the room, studied myself in the mirror on back of the door. Smirking, I dug into my bag for my makeup and once fifteen more minutes had passed, I was satisfied that I was as bad as I wanted to be. Fluffing my hair with my fingers, I stashed everything back into my bag and made my way out of the hotel and down to the club. Already the line had formed and taking my place, I dug into my purse for a cigarette and lit up, taking in the scene around me. My heart was thumping madly against my ribs. It was as if I knew tonight was going to be THE night I changed for good. No more sweet, innocent Rin Matsumoto. Nope... no more. Tonight I was going to grow up and enjoy myself to the fullest extent!


The liovedoved steadily toward the door and again, with no trouble at all, I flashed my ID and swished inside. The music was pounding as I checked in my bag and made my way toward the tables, I wanted to have a seat and check out the action for awhile, see if anyone familiar might show.


As luck would have it, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turning, found Shippo grinning down at me.


"Damn it, Rin! You never learn, do you? What is it you got going on with Hara, a domination fetish or something?", he laughed, taking a seat at my side.


"Ohhhhhhh, so you witnessed THAT event too, eh?", I smiled, looking around me as the music seemed to pump up a notch or two.


"Who didn't? Hara's a ball buster for sure! IS he your boyfriend? ARE you his?", he asked, winking at me.


"No. Friends.", I said, my eyes moving left to right as I studied my prospects for the evening. As much as I liked Shippo, I wasn't so sure he'd allow my inner bad girl to escape as much as I wanted it to. I was pretty sure he'd feel it his duty to `protect' me for my own sake as well as Kohaku's AND Sesshomaru's and I was really very tired of being so `watched over' all the time. Tonight, I wanted to be wild!


"You meeting somebody then?", he asked.


"Ah, yes. A friend... but later.", I smiled.


"Then dance with me.", he said and not waiting for an answer, in typical Shippo style, he pulled me to my feet and led me to the very center of the dance floor.


Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me into him and started his groove, making me laugh. Leaning back a bit, he smiled down at me, hiss qus questioning.


"I like how you dance!", I grinned, answering his unasked question.


"I can't fucking dance!", he laughed. "I just like the music!"


"Me too!", I agreed, grabbing to his belt loops as he slid his hands lower on my hips. Hmmm... Maybe I had been wrong in NOT wanting to explore my possibilities with Shippo...


"Rin", he whispered into my ear, lightly grazing the edge of it with his teeth. I shivered and looked up at him, wetting my lips as I waited for him to speak. "You know, I don't want to die young.", he said and laughed as I widened my eyes.


"Oh my God! Is he here again?", I choked, looking frantically around me.


"No! No! Not SESSHOMARU. It's Kohaku. He's coming this way. Heads up, chick!", he laughed and slid an inch or so away from me, his hand catching one of my own.


"Damn it, Rin! What the hell are you doing here?", Kohaku frowned, his eyes going from me to Shippo and back.


"I could ask you the same thing, baby!", I grinned, sliding my hand from Shippo's so that I could lay a palm on Kohaku's chest.


"Shippo?", Kohaku frowned deeper.


"I just GOT here. One dance.", he said, holding up his hands as if to convince Kohaku it was true.


"He didn't bring me.", I said.


"You got in by yourself... just like last time, right?", Kohaku asked.


"Ummhmm...", I grinned, standing on tiptoe to press a kiss to his cheek.


I knew he was throwing a look over my head in Shippo's direction and for some reason, that pissed me off royally. No matter what I did, which way I turned, I somehow got treated as if I were a child! I pushed away from Kohaku and frowned, arms crossed underneath my breasts as I stared at him.


"What the fuck is THAT look for?", he asked.


"I do NOT need to be babysat! I think we've been through this shit too many times already. If you don't want to see me here, then I suggest you go to another part of the club OR leave. I'm not going anywhere!", I said.


His eyes got big before they narrowed and as I watched, his cheeks flushed bright red.


"You got THAT shit right. I'm tired of getting my ass whipped or raked over the coals just because you're out to prove something to SESSHOMARU! Damn it, Rin! Grow up!", he spat and turning away from me, ked ked to the far side of the club.


Shrugging his shoulders, Shippo smiled and leaned over to place a kiss on my cheek. "I think you look hot, by the way. If you need me, I'll be here `til closing time! Just come find me. I'm off to dance!", he grinned and with that, he was gone as well.


Tossing my hair over my shoulder, I heaved a huge sigh and started back to my table when someone grabbed me round my waist from behind and pulled me back onto the floor.


"Somebody's in demand tonight!", a deep, sexy voice breathed into my ear. Turning, I found myself looking into a pair of deep green eyes and instantly I KNEW I'd found THE ONE to make my night what I wished it so desperately to be. An older guy, older even than Kohaku or Sesshomaru. Someone I didn't have to explain myself to and a HOTTIE to boot!


"Matthew!", he grinned, sliding one hand through his thick brown hair as the other clamped possessively over my wrist.


"Rin.", I returned, feeling my heart flutter.


"Well, Rin. Could I buy you a drink?", he asked, already leading me slowly across the floor to the opposite wall where a huge bar awaited. He didn't bother asking me what my preference was and somehow I liked that. In an instant a tall brightly colored concoction was placed in front of me and with a giggle, I reached for it only to have it intercepted by Matthew.


"No, baby. We share this one. Two straws...", he said, grabbing them from the dispenser on the bar. Tugging at my hand, he led me to a table at the edge of the dance floor and soon we were sat there, watching each other, sipping at the icy, smooth drink and smiling.


"You've been here before.", he said as his hand slid over my own.


"A few times.", I said, sipping slowly as I looked up at him.


"Don't you date one of those boys?", he asked, wrinkling his nose before winking at me.


"No. Must be somebody else you're thinking of.", I said.


"I could've sworn...", he said and then shrugging, let his hand smooth up to my shoulder.


"You come alone?" ask asked.


"I came alone tonight.", I grinned.


"You don't have to leave alone though!", he said and I felt his hand go to my neck, pulling me nearer him.


Sitting back a bit, I ed ted the drink from the table, leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs, sipping from the straw as I watched the crowded dance floor. My heart was racing, my head a bit fuzzy, my thoughts a tiny bit confused...


"Rin? Did you drink all of that?", Mattaskeasked, eyes wide, after a very thorough perusal of my legs.


I looked down to see that my straw was scraping the bottom of an empty glass and with a laugh, nodded and set the glass back atop the table.


"I'll be right back. We need one more before we dance... you know it gets hot out there under the lights.", he smiled and just like that, he was gone back to the bar, leaving me to myself as I watched him move through the crowd at the bar and place another order. I noticed many admiring glances cast his way as he worked his way back through the maze of tables before stopping in front of me once again.


"Drink up, sweetheart.", he said softly and sank down in the chair nearest me once more only to slide it even closer. Bracing his legs on either side of mine, he leaned forward and slid the straw between my lips, smiling at me as I sipped.


"Good?", he asked, before taking his own sip.


"Yeah. This one's different...", I sighed, leaning back once again in my chair as I then watched ONE Matthew split into TWO!


"Drink up and I'll dance with you!", he smiled, watching me as I toyed with the straw.


"I feel weird!", I giggled, covering my mouth with the back of my hand... even my lips felt strange!


"Just drink up, it'll make you feel better. Cross my heart.", Matthew pouted playfully and willing to oblige, I took a very long pull on the straw before relinquishing it to him.


"Dance now?", he asked, getting to his feet.


"I don't know...", I laughed, thinking now that getting to my feet would be damned near to impossible!


"Here, I'll help you. Just hold to my arm, baby.", he said softly, slipping a muscular arm about my waist.


"You're big!", I grinned up at him, stumbling a bit in my heels.


"Yeah...", he laughed, stopping only when we got to the center of the floor. Pulling me into his arms, he whispered into my ear and because it tickled, I started to laugh once again.


"Hey, man... mind if I break in?", I heard a very familiar voice speak up from behind me.


"Yeah, I DO mind! Fuck off!", Matthew said, his hand tightening possessively over my own as he pulled me even closer to him.


"Rin, what the hell is up here?"


"Shit.", I frowned. "If it's not Sesshomaru, it's YOU. What now?"


"She's fucked up! You bought her a drink?", Kohaku accused, his voice rising.


"Not A drink... SOME drinks. Now go to your end of the club and leave me alone!", I said, jabbing his chest with my finger.


"Rin!", he warned.


"Fuck off, KOHAKU!", Matthew smiled, turning us away from him and off to the right of the floor.


"Yooyfroyfriend?", he asked, his fingers sliding over and up my back.


"NO! I don't have a freaking boyfriend! I don't want one!", I hissed.


"That's cool... that's cool. I respect that.", he smiled, leaning down to nuzzle at my jaw. I shivered and wrapped my arms around his neck as he gently sucked my skin into his warm mouth.


"That's nice...", I sighed.


"It can be even better...", he whispered, moving down until his lips rested against my collar bone.


He'd backed me up against the wall now, away from the craziness of the crowded dance floor and before I knew it, his hand had slid up my thigh and underneath my skirt.


Gasping for breath, I tried to pull away from him but he was far bigger and way more muscular than I, so I was fighting a losing battle before it even began - and don`t even bother mentioning the effects of the drinks he`d bought me... we`ll get to THAT later!


"Don't tease me, sweetheart...", he crooned as his fingers brushed the tops of my thighs.


"Ohhhhhhh... no! No!", I whimpered.


"Yes... oh yeah...", he soothed, sliding his hand around to the backs of my bare thighs and up toward my bottom.


"Matthew, please...", I tried, pressing my hands to his unyielding chest.


"Yeah, beg me... That's right, Princess", he groaned, pushing his pelvis hard into my belly.


"I don't feel so good...", I moaned.


"You will in a minute, love...", he assured me.


And that's where things start to get a little messed up for me.


You see, all I remember is feeling a bit nauseous. I remember the sound of voices, loud ones. I remember being pulled away from Matthew rather roughly and shoved into someone else's arms. Then the next thing I remember is being picked up and cradled like a baby- a thought that made me feel safe and secure at the time... if I`d ONLY known. Then I was in a car and headed somewhere away from The Met.


Opening my eyes, I turned my head slowly toward the driver and moaned loudly when I realized just WHO it was.


"Oh yeah! Don't you sit there and shake your goddamned head at ME! WHAT have I told you, RIN? I swear to GOD ABOVE that your little ass is coming with me on the road next time. I won't have this going on any longer! You've been given way too many chances and... FUCK!", he hit the steering wheel with the flat of his hand, cursing louder than I'd ever heard him before.


Turning flame amber eyes my way once more, he sucked in a breath and glared harder at me as if to pin me to the window. I wanted so badly to be able to argue it out with him but my head was spinning and my stomach was rolling.


"You didn't learn your lesson before, Rin? Is that it? You need another ass whipping to set you straight? Goddamnit!", he bit off and jerked the steering wheel hard to the right as his breath came hard and fast.


I closed my eyes, fighting down the urge to spew right on his beloved leather upholstery as he mumbled coarse words to himself, throwing a few my way for good measure.


His tires screeched on the pavement as he came to an abrupt halt and jamming the car into gear with a few grinding moves, cut the engine.


"I must be crazy as hell bringing you here...", he hissed as he slammed his fist against the steering wheel once more. With one more hate filled glare thrown my way, he jerked open his door and slammed it shut, stalking angrily around to my door. Pulling it open, he reached in, unclasped the seatbelt from around my waist and pulled me roughly from the car.


"I... have... NEVER!", he snarled, whacking me a hard one on my skirt covered behind as he marched me up the steps of Kohaku's apartment. A few more loud and very painful smacks accompanied me up the staircase so that by the time we reached Kohaku's already opened doorway, tears were streaming down my face.


"Get inside, NOW!", Sesshomaru shouted.


"Then stop HITTING me!", I wailed, crying out when his hand connected solidly with my tender bum once more.


"Sesshomaru... I don't...", Kohaku said, his eyes wide as he watched the fierce display going on in front of him.


"Don't!", Sesshomaru warned, his face like granite.


"Now, listen, man...", Kohaku frowned, stepping forward.


"I don't have time for this and neither do you. I thought we agreed about what was best for Rin. Didn't we?", Sesshomaru huffed out as he drug me across the room by my bicep.


"Why are we HERE?", I moaned, trying to pry his fingers from around my arm.


"YOU are going to sleep here, tonight. Shut UP!", he frowned.


"But I don't wanna...", I said, yelping when his free hand delivered another blow across my bottom.


"I don't really CARE what you want, Rin. How many fucking times do we have to go through this? You aren't to be in that club. Not until you reach proper age! You aren't to be practically fucking some guy old enough to be your father, in the middle of the damned dance floor and you aren't to DRINK until I say so!", he shouted, eyes blazing.


"I fucking HATE you! HATE YOU!", I screamed back. "You LIE! Lying bastard!", I shouted even louder.


"Rin. Stop!", Kohaku spoke up from behind me. I had a moment to wonder was THIS what he'd meant when he said that Sesshomaru and I were explosive when we were together before Sesshomaru was shouting at me again.


"You hate me? Fine! Hate me if you want but I will not tolerate this from you any longer! Do you understand me? Something has GOT to be done!", he said, leaning toward me until his forehead nearly touched mine.


I'm not sure if it was the scent of his cologne, the state I was in or a combination of the two but I KNEW in that moment that I was going to vomit and hard. He must've seen it too because before I could blink, he was asking Kohaku where the bathroom was and running with me toward it. Flinging the door back, he lowered me to my knees and I lost it!


When I'd regained a bit of myself, I reached up to flush away the mess I'd made and felt a cool cloth pressed to the back of my neck. Sinking back against him where he sat perched on the edge of the bathtub, I lay my head in Sesshomaru's lap and sighed as he bathed my face with the cloth.


"Rin, I just don't know about you...", he murmured, smoothing my hair off my forehead and away from my face as he lightly rubbed circles on my back. "What am I supposed to DO?"


Groaning, I got to my knees once again and lurched forward, grabbing the toilet and holding on for dear life as I let go once again.


"Damn it, Rin! See what I mean? Do you see?", he asked, gently holding my hair back from my face as I threw up over and over again. This time, he reached over me to flush the mess away and with a sob, I went weakly into his arms and let him hold me.


Twice more we went through it and by then I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes opened. Kohaku had been back and forth too many times for me to count... bringing ice chips, clean cloths, a t-shirt of his for me to change into, an offer of something to drink...


And then somehow, someway, I found myself lying close against Sesshomaru on Kohaku's sofa, cradled in his strong embrace. His fingers playing softly in my hair only tve tve to my back to gently massage me there. A warm blanket had been thrown over us and with every fiber of my body aching, I drifted blissfully down, down, down into a deep, healing sleep, right smack dab in the arms of the man I loved with all my heart and soul, no matter HOW hard he or I tried to deny it...