Blue moon and Red Fire

Chapter 34: Snakes and kisses.

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Hey guys, the story is coming to an end, only 4 more chapters left, so stick with it, it’s going to get really good after this chapter.
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There was a snake in his head.

There was a snake in his head.

No matter how many times Souta repeated it to himself, the notion of it didn’t feel real. He’d been possessed by a snake, he knew this logically, of course he had been, he let it happen. So why couldn’t he seem to comprehend this?

He could have been afraid, maybe he was being stupid for his lack of fear, but after the convulsive pain and the dreams and the blindness, this didn’t seem as frightening. Souta tugged at the rim of his shirt and pulled it over his head, throwing it over the side of the bed, it was boiling. ‘What… do you want?’ He asked.

There was no response, nothing discernable at lest.

Maybe he was tired, maybe it would feel differently tomorrow. He closed his eyes and tried to sink into the bed and fell asleep in a hot, sweaty, uncomfortable swelter. A snake was in his head.

Nah, not yet…

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Inuyasha had to refrain from gasping as he awoken, his heart racing, chest heaving, adrenaline flowing. He could breath again so he swallowed in as much air as possible, laying still on his back, glancing over at Souta beside him, then staring at the ceiling. Quiet. Didn’t want to wake Souta. Didn’t want Souta to ask questions, just the thought of him inquiring about this made him defensive and aggravated.

He was sick of these dreams. Had Souta not grabbed his ear, rather hard as a matter of fact, then he wouldn’t have been pulled out of it. He was sick of these dreams, he was sick of being defensive, he was sick of being angry at Souta just because he anticipated the boy would ask him about it. He waited until he was sure Souta was asleep and climbed out of bed, pacing with heavy steps the bathroom and staring at himself in the mirror, besides pink eyes and a slightly reddened nose there was nothing out of the ordinary. What the hell! Why did this start happening to him!?

“Inuyasha?”

Inuyasha’s ears perked and he glanced over his shoulder, Houjo was standing drowsily in the doorway. Inuyasha gave an acknowledging glance before turning back to the mirror.

Houjo yawned and rubbed his eyes. “How’s Souta?” The start of every conversation between them lately.

Inuyasha’s response was grumbled, “Fine.” Annoyed. Clearly sick of that question.

“That’s good.” Houjo didn’t move on, he continued to watch Inuyasha with a fascination, a little longer then he realized.

Inuyasha tilted his head and glared at him. “What?” Irritable. Houjo was watching him, thinking about him, thinking what? Houjo knew about his dreams, probably thinking about them now, Inuyasha didn’t like that. It made him feel self-conscious and uneasy, even if he knew Houjo didn’t care. But then again, feelings never need any logic behind them to persist.

Houjo shook his head and raised his hands in surrender. “Nothing.” He took a short pause and looked away, maybe he should ask if Inuyasha was alright…no, he’d hate that, “Just wondering how your arm was coming along.” Though not really.

Inuyasha looked down at his weaker right arm, which held no pain, and made him think of Kouga. The wolf had suffered far worse repercussions from that hole then he had, the fact that he was doing as well as he was, Inuyasha had to admit, was a true testament to the full blooded demon. “Fine.” He didn’t feel like talking.

No point in pushing, there was nothing to be gained right now. “That’s good.” Houjo nodded and moved on.

A sudden curiosity. “Hey, Houjo?” Inuyasha called out, with some difficultly after ineptly dismissing the conversation Houjo tried to have. To go back now was vaguely like admitting his past actions were a mistake, and it was always awkward admitting when he was wrong.

“Yeah?”

“When…are you going back to school.” By him, he meant Kouga.

“I don’t know.” Houjo shrugged. “But it’s warm again, so probably by tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Inuyasha nodded.

The semblance of a conversation Houjo he tried to have with Inuyasha came and went, no point and pushing when Inuyasha didn’t feel like it.

Kouga was suddenly spurred to try his hand at cooking this morning, Inuyasha sat in the corner, his legs crossed, arms behind his head. The pan in front of sizzled and the air was filled with the scent of pancakes, Kouga practiced, Inuyasha watched.

“Why the hell don’t you put some clothes on, damn puppy.” Inuyasha grunted. He watched with something of curiosity and a bit of annoyance, Kouga wore nothing but Houjo’s boxers, which dipped down slightly under his contently waving tail. It seemed extra bushy today.

“Aw shut up mutt.” Kouga was too content to care about something as trivial as clothes in the morning, Especially when his body felt well on it‘s way to overheating and the kitchen was warm. Kouga slipped the spatula under the single pancake and flipped the perfectly golden brown side onto the scolding cast iron, revealing one decidedly darker. His eyes narrowed and his face tilted with scrutiny. “Hmmm…Nah.” Wasn’t par for the course. “Here Inuyasha.” He slipped the spatula under the pancake and tossed it over his head, into Inuyasha’s quick hands, which ended up tossing it up a few times until it cooled enough to hold.

Inuyasha bit into it contently. “Your crazy, there’s nothing wrong with this.” An ambiguous complement.

Kouga rolled his eyes. “Tch.” An ambiguous thank you. He glanced over at the table at a large bowl, covered in traces of batter that had been scraped off, he was running out of ingredients. Time to move on to the next dish.

Souta trailed in on the residual scents, his eyes closed, skillfully evading Inuyasha’s body and sitting down on the table. “Hey guys.” He greeted, a calm expression about him.

Kouga patted him on the head, “That was pretty good.” Admiring what seemed like a sightless sight he now possessed. “How are you doing that?”

“What?” Souta had to remind himself to look up in Kouga’s direction.

Kouga lifted up the milk to eye level, why was he still holding this? Why was he holding this at all? “You move like you can still see.” He was about to put it down before Inuyasha took it from his hands and began to drink from it.

Souta looked up at him (or rather just turned his face in that direction while he thought.), then dropped his head. He didn’t know what to do with himself. “It’s kinda weird, it’s like I can see heat in m head…kinda.” The sense had evolved now that the snake had made itself known. Heat was light, shining on him from all directions, anything that blocked it’s flow was a shadowy silhouette, an outline. His sensory world was farther defined by sounds, vibration, and a heighten touch. Though not sight, he sighed to himself. “And I can hear stuff, it’s all a big, dark map in my head.”

“Pretty cool.” Kouga complemented.

Souta smiled. The snake in his head urged for food and Souta realized he was hungry, ‘I know, I know.’ He groaned wordlessly.

Inuyasha took one last swallow of the milk and set it aside with a exhale of relief. “Souta, how ya feeling?”

“There’s a snake in my head.” He blurted out unceremoniously.

Kouga and Inuyasha froze in a confused silence, glancing at each other, searching for some clarity that neither had. “What?” In unison.

Souta laid his head down. “It’s in my head, I can feel it.” It was far easier when he couldn’t see the expressions on their faces, he could pretend they probably weren’t giving him some strange look. Defensive. “I’m kinda hungry, and it wants me to eat. It’s kinda cranky.”

“Are you serious? But how did this happen?” Kouga was astounded.

“Tch. How the hell do you think it happened?” Inuyasha rolled his eyes. “Is it-“

Souta shook his head. “It’s not controlling me, it’s not doing anything, it’s just…there.” He didn’t know how he could make them know nothing was wrong with him. That he was fine, that it wouldn’t suddenly burst out of his head or start moving him like a chess piece. He didn’t feel any of that was possible. Even if he felt like some hollowed out container filled to the brim with snake, he felt like a secure container. He was comfortable with that. There was no sickness, no pain, and he was satisfied with that.

Inuyasha stared incredulously, a helpless feeling coming over him again, as if he should have been doing something but he didn’t know what or even if he could at all. “But...” He looked up at Kouga, no help there, Kouga returned his expression and his feelings.

“Don’t worry about it so much.” Souta said, “It’s not like you guys can get it out, and besides, it’s fine.” More than fine, he began to think of it as more of a good thing. He didn’t find himself as afraid or anxious when he felt the snake aware and present in his mind, he didn’t feel as alone when Inuyasha left him alone outside. Sure it was…angry but he didn’t feel as afraid, or at lest hid it from himself a lot better, when he felt lost, or depressed, or disoriented. “I’m alright.”

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Kouga still hated the halls. They were loud and noisy and crowded. “Fucking noisy.” He growled to himself. Scores of young teens flowed passed him in a uniformed mingle of slow, casual groups strolling along, and hurried students rushing any number of places. Lockers slamming, stampeding footsteps, books dropping, what sounded faintly like music coming from many different directions, all of it wreaked havoc on his sensitive ears. It was the same thing every day, by the time the next class started his ears ached and his head throbbed.

He hated this place because, even if he knew where he was going by now, he still felt lost, and scattered, and disoriented. His heart always pounded deafeningly and he grew anxious, feeling as he did in the middle of a large scale battle between his pack and some pervasive enemy. All of this noise, it *felt* like he was in the middle of a war. A book dropped and he saw one of countless explosions in the past before his eyes like new. A metallic slam of closing lockers, clashes of steel and blades ripping through flesh with piercing screams of pain. Vivid flashes of mid battle left him tense, sometimes he almost forgot where he was, heart pounding, body tense and reflexive, an alert energy and adrenaline flowing. He didn’t like the anxious feelings, and he hated thinking back on his murdered pack even more.

“Kouga.”

He flinched at the sudden new and intrusive voice, his heart skipped a beat and his muscles tensed, about to jar into action. He turned around quickly, his hand raised into a fist defensively. No hostile assailant here, just a questioning, curious girl from his class. Probably worried now, probably confused, probably should lower fist , probably should avert narrowed eyes, probably will be less worried and confused then. Calm down Kouga! Calm down, he grunted to himself. “Kouga… are you ok?”

“Uh..” Kouga looked down at his fist. Damn, he couldn’t remember her name. Heart calming, forcing himself to breathe at a regular pace. “Uh Yeah, I’m good.” Translation, leave me alone.

She walked past him, lifting her books from under her arms and holding them against her chest. “You better hurry, or you’ll be late.” She warned, giving a quick look back before walking off.

Late. What a concept. He’d never been slow getting anywhere any time in his life.

For 5 more days Kouga’s name was written on to the attendance sheet in the absence of his name, and this was sent back to the attendance office with little incident.

“So, where’d you come from anyway?” A girl asked. Most of the 5th period physical education class body sat listlessly on the bleachers in front of the track, waiting for class to begin, Kouga sat a row from the top in the standard white t-shirt and black shorts, next to Houjo. Getting dressed was…interesting, but Kouga managed to pull it off with out any sightings of a bushy brown tail circulating the boy’s locker room. The entire class converged upon reaching the field. A curious girl sat down beside Kouga and began inquiring, and all of her friends followed, crowding around Kouga.

“Nowhere.” Kouga didn’t have an answer to give her, which made him annoyed at her for being the 50th person to ask that question.

Nowhere wasn’t an answer. The girl laughed, deeming Kouga’s evasive mystery cute. “Houjo, where’d your brother come from? Why’s he so afraid to tell me?” She seemed to gain an entertainment value and overall amusement in prodding at something withheld. Kouga’s constantly annoyed reactions didn’t put any of them off, they found a novelty and amusement in it.

Houjo sighed. “Believe me, I don‘t really know myself.” He didn’t have an answer to give.

“Did you come from another country or something?” Another girl asked. Kouga remembered her name this time, it was Yuriko…yeah, that was it.

“Yeah, that must be it. I mean look at the ears.” Another girl chimed in.

Kouga was taken back at first, but then he just folded his arms and looked away, glaring in annoyance. These girls, all of them were crazy. As much as he hated them he didn’t outright disavow them, mostly for conflict avoidance’s sake, and the fact that these girls were the only other interaction he had here other then Houjo. He didn’t want it but he needed it, because it was better to have someone take an interest in you then no one at all. If not then you’d simply feel rejected, and there was some validation to be found here.

“Oh, look at him, he’s so cute!” Yuriko squealed, jokingly, at his annoyance. The other girls laughed, she seemed to enjoy messing with him. Kouga was mysterious, withholding, something about that attracted the girls to him, wanting to unpeel him, to discover his secrets for themselves, made all the more appealing by the thought they’d be the only person who’d discovered them. That they understood him, and no one else did. That was attractive.

“I don’t understand you, your all crazy.” Kouga said verbally this time.

“You guys sure don’t know a lot about each other to be brothers.” Another girl said, this time prodding Houjo.

“Well, it was a recent development.” Houjo said, hoping to appease their suspicious with his ignorance.

“You guys look nothing alike.”

“What do you mean, they’re both cute.” More girlish laughter followed. They seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Kouga glanced past the little corner of seating the girls had invaded to the rest of the boys, who seemed to be doing there best to look away from them. ’Geez, what’s they’re problem?’ He wondered, and immediately became annoyed with them as well, what must they be thinking, they were probably ignoring him because the girls always seemed to crowd around him, making it their personal project to extract information. It wasn’t his fault! Their seemingly unjustified anger made him angry. ‘Well, to hell with them.’

Houjo didn’t seem to be having a similar line of thinking, he seemed more annoyed with the girls paying him attention then the guys not paying attention . Kouga smirked, jealous maybe? There was an immense satisfaction in that, to know he held Houjo‘s interest in such away. Maybe he should just kiss him right now, how would he react, he’d probably get mad. Wouldn’t be jealous though.

“Alright! Line up! Lets go!” The man called. The gym teacher, who Kouga had to admit had quite a formidable figure, appeared with out notice and called order. The girls fun ended and everyone pushed off of the bleachers and lined up in rows on the track. They all seemed to know what to do, just follow Houjo, he knows what he’s doing, just watch and see what he does.

“First up-” The man said, calling off names. Wait, what were they supposed to be doing? Kouga looked around questioningly, hoping the man would pause and give some instruction. “Akitoki…uh…the other Akitoki…”

“Oh man.” Houjo dropped his head and sighed, he hated alphabetical order. It was so unfair.

“What are we doing?” Kouga whispered

“Running laps.”

“Running huh?” Kouga immediately smiled.

“Are you up for it? You know, with your legs and all?”

Kouga glared at him, he hated the fact Houjo saw him as weak. “I’m fine.” He hadn’t run in a long time. He was looking forward to it, to see just how far he’d come. He was no where near where he’d had been, but he was confident enough to believe he could beat anyone here.

“Your Houjo’s half brother right?” The man asked.

“Uh…yeah.” Kouga simply agreed, long since accepting the notion as a necessity for him to be in school.

“Alright, fine.” 10 people lined up in the 5 rows, dividing the class in half, the rest watching casually from the bench. Houjo and Kouga lined up beside each other, Houjo tied his shoes while Kouga sized up his opponents. “Remember, this is not a race, you have 8 laps to do, so don’t tire yourselves out. Pace yourselves, that’s the only way your gonna get a good time.” Kouga had stopped listening ‘after this is not a race’, was he kidding? It‘s *always* a race.

“Ready…start.”

And with that they took off, starting at a moderate pace…most at least, Kouga had entertained the notion of going slowly and sticking by Houjo, he was sure to do the right thing if he followed Houjo. Until, however, one boy in particular decided to cast off ahead of the pack , and another followed right after.

Kouga couldn’t stand for that, his motivation shifted from being sure he was doing the right thing to a drive not to lose. ‘The hell if your gonna beat me.’ Pace be damned. Kouga sprinted after him with out a moments notice.

“Hey Kouga.” Houjo tried to stop him, but Kouga ignored him. With in seconds Kouga had passed the offender, and only at half speed , he felt thoroughly satisfied in his seniority.

The boy, however, seemed to be just as competitive. He couldn’t let the new guy beat him, in front of everyone, that was not an option, it was a simple as that. He sprinted forward and inched past Kouga on the curve, fighting forward in the yards ahead.

“Hey Kouga, wait a second.” Houjo had to run at full speed catch up, there was a reason he passed up the track team. “It’s not a race-”

“The hell is isn’t.” It was always a race to Kouga. Win or lose, all or nothing.

“Don’t burn your self out. Your still healing.” Houjo pleaded. His mistake was in his reasoning, and he’d only realized that after he’s spoken. For someone like Kouga, giving a cautionary warning about something he was already bitter about was like saying he couldn’t do it. Which just made him want to do it more, dissuade that notion.

“I’ll be fine!” Damnit, he wished Hojo would stop worrying about that and leave him alone. Kouga sprinted forward and inched his way up towards the boy, first lap completed. He slowly inched past the second person who’d taken off after the first and set his sights on spot number one. Damn that guy was fast, or damnit, he’d gotten really slow. Second lap completed and taking the inside of a turn he got with in a long stride’s distance of the boy.

The boy looked back, brown eyes locked with blue, then quickly looked forward, and suddenly Kouga didn’t feel so one sided in this. ‘Like I can’t beat you!’ His heart pounding and his breath was growing heavy, it couldn’t have been more then a half a moment before starting lap three that they were on the fourth. By then all eyes where locked on them, and a stammer had grown among the students, a curious murmur, talk of winners, weightless bets enacted. Weightless for everyone but Kouga and this boy maybe.

He hadn’t felt this way since the last time he’d fraught with Inuyasha, maybe he’d missed this… this captivation, this consuming drive of mind and body, this thrill.

At the start of lap five they were neck and neck, speed slowly declining, fatigue increasing. They both glanced over at each other and their eyes locked once again, Kouga could hear his harsh breaths, almost inline with his own. He could see sweat forming, rolling down the back of his neck, this was the only person who’s scent Kouga bothered to pay attention to, to remember.

Rounding towards six. “Hey… your that… new kid right…what’s your…name?” The kid asked, between audible gasps for air.

He was the only guy who’d asked him, he was the only boy who even looked at him when he was looking since he’d arrived here. “…Kouga…” He said. He almost laughed at himself, he sounded like Souta. He forgot he was in a race, only running to keep up with the boy.

Lap six. “Your…Houjo’s brother…right?”

That’s who he was here, he had to remind himself. “…uh…yeah.”

Rounding the curve into mid-way. “You run… pretty… fast.”

Kouga nearly smiled. This place wasn‘t so bad…nah, not really. “Who are you?”

“My name’s Sato.” Sato, the leader of men, here at least. There was always someone in toe with him, always sat with a boisterous crowd at lunch, always lead the conversation, always swayed opinions towards agreement with him, lead styles, created words with the efficacy of coolness, all with out thinking about it. He’s what one might call popular. Maybe this was why? Kouga hadn’t meant to notice all of these things about him, but it was only natural to look sometimes, look at the person they were all paying attention to, the people who weren’t paying attention to him, wanting to be paid attention to himself. This need had never been particularly strong in him, not until school, not until placed in the context of all of these students. This Sato guy smirked. “And your not… gonna beat me.”

Competition, rounding 7. “You bet your ass… I will.” Kouga turned his eyes forward and pushed on. His legs throbbed with each step, but he could hear the girls pipe up and began to cheer for him. He suddenly didn’t mind them now. His chest burned with each contraction of his lungs, but he could hear the boys dismissing the girls and cheer for Sato, maybe just to spite them, and Kouga wanted to prove them wrong.

This was it! Go faster! His arms pumped at his side and he pushed all the energy out of his tired legs, Sato seemed to be inching past him. Kouga took in a deep gasp and sprang ahead with a sharp step and got the inside of a turn and managed to get a few steps ahead. Lap 8. Just keep it, just keep going. Don’t fall, don’t slow down, don’t give out. He could practically feel Sato breathing against his back. Just keep up, just keep him behind…

Lap 8 cleared. Kouga immediately staggered to a halt and collapsed on to the grass beside the fence.

“Akitoki, new record.”

Kouga smiled to himself, to much fanfare by the girls. They seemed to enjoy joking with him, but it was all in the spirit of things, let them have their fun. The boys were talking amongst themselves in awe of his speed, if only they knew what he’d been before.

“Damn…” Sato came up to him, leaning over him. “Where’d you learn to run like that?”

He was happy.

Oddly enough, day 6 was the first day his name appeared on the attendance record, it was inexplicable and made Houjo uneasy, not that Kouga realized exactly what kind of situation this was and why Houjo was always nervous about it. But nothing was said and Houjo continued to let Kouga come with him, and Kouga continued to be his long lost *half*-brother. They continued to sit next to each other, and Kouga continued to share Houjo’s book and Houjo continued to help Kouga with his work.

Until the day 9 when, just as Kouga had finally gotten in the mood to deal with the specific details of science, a boy, a another student Kouga had assumed, walked in. The class murmured aloud as the instructor paused to converse with the student turned messenger for no more then a few seconds before the student left and the man turned towards the class again. This time his eye on the demon wolf. “Kouga, they want to see you at the attendance office.”

“?” This perplexed him, who where they, what was this attendance office, and what did any of this have to do with him. “Huh?”

Kouga’s confusion annoyed him, this, as it seemed to the instructor, was common sense and didn’t require mindful thought. “Go down to the attendance office.”

Kouga looked at Houjo, who looked back at him nervously. Damn, why did Houjo have to be so nervous? It made him uneasy.

Houjo raised his hand, “Uh…” No way out of this… “Do you mind if I show him where it is? “ Houjo asked, this was the only way to possibly stop the end of the world from happening, or at lest watch it.

The teacher shrugged and waved them out, and Houjo stood, Kouga trailing, and headed into the hall.

“Oh man…” Where Houjo promptly began to freak out. “Oh man, oh man.” He leaned against the wall, his stomach churning.

Kouga shoved his hands into the pockets of Houjo’s tailored uniform and shrugged. “What’s with you.”

“Kouga, this is so, so, *very* bad.” Houjo couldn’t think of a simple way to explain the many, many problems here. There was only one way out of this. “I guess this is it, you have to stop coming to school with me.”

Too sudden to comprehend. “What? Why?”

“Cause you don’t go here.” He groaned.

“I’m here aren’t I?”

“It’s not that simple!” Houjo clamped his hand over his forehead and sighed. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over, you can’t go in there-“

“Tch, If going to this place is the only way to keep going here, then let’s just go.” Simply.

“You don’t understand.”

Kouga rolled his eyes and glared at the boy, he was tired of not understanding. “Then make me understand!”

Houjo sighed again, sliding down the wall and sinking to the floor, too nervous, he had to calm down. Just lay it out, just lay it out simply and make Kouga understand. Sure he’d be mad, expect that, and disappointed, expect that too, but there was no choice. “Kouga…you don’t exist.” There was no interruption as had Houjo thought there would be, Kouga waited for him to finish explaining. “You have no records of any kind, you don’t have any parents-“

Kouga folded his arms and looked away, taking offense. “I don’t need any parents.”

“That’s not the point. “

He didn’t need anyone to take care of him, Kouga had been taking care of himself for a long time, what did they need him to have parents for? “And records? What the hell’s that for?”

“That’s stuff you need, like birth certificates saying that you were born, and-“

“Why the hell would I need something saying I was born, I’m standing right here.” Absurdity.

“No, no.” Houjo shook his head. “That’s not the point, it doesn’t matter if you think you need it or not, you have to have it say you exist in this world. You need something saying when you where born and how old you are so it can be verified , you need some kind of identification, you need this stuff so people will know you were born here, and you’re a citizen.”

“What the hell! I was born here! And what does it matter if I wasn‘t?” Kouga growled, this was useless! Why was everything so complicated!

“They don’t know that. The entire world needs all of this stuff to keep track of you, to know who you are. And you don’t have any of it. “ You aren’t real here.”

“Damnit!” Kouga’s hands clinched in to tight fist, he had to keep himself from punching the wall. “I just want to learn some stuff! Why the hell is that so damn hard!” He hated this world, it was decided now. It was loud, it was crowded, and it was stupid.

Houjo rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “I’m sorry…” Couldn’t do anything about it, completely helpless.

Kouga folded his arms and looked away, suddenly his tail pinned to his waist became exceedingly uncomfortable and his ears hidden behind his headband started to itch. “So how do I get this stuff?” Different. The notion had been vague and distant from him when Houjo had him hide his tail and he found himself some how depressing it against himself and trying his hardest not to move it every day. When Houjo had to stop him from doing certain things and explain things everyone else seemed to naturally know. Or when he felt overwhelmed in this maze of a building packed with hundreds of people who weren’t affected at all. Or when he didn’t know something everyone else had probably learned when they were kids.

“I…don’t think you can.”

Kouga could feel his chest growing heavier, there was a tremulous in his abdomen, quaking through out his muscles and making him feel weak, as if his body suddenly gained an immense weight that it could barely hold. He wasn’t sure what this feeling was, he’d never felt it, or if he had he couldn’t remember. Maybe he was about to cry, maybe that was what he was feeling. No, he shook his head and clinched his hands into fist, he wouldn’t cry. Why would he cry over this?!

His frustration and anguish equated, by what seemed of some biological means, to anger. It didn’t feel right, being jealous of humans. No, he didn’t want it, like he really cared. It was stupid, who needed all of that stuff anyway. Humans were so stupid. Kouga glared off down the hall and stared out of a window, he never noticed that window. “Damn humans.” Rejection defensively He didn’t need this place, damn humans, he didn’t understand it, damn humans, damn-.

Two arms wrapped themselves around his chest, Kouga felt a warm presence pressing at his back and he was surrounded by the scent of Houjo. Houjo rested his chin on Kouga’s shoulder and whispered, “I’m sorry.” Dispirited.

Houjo…, Kouga felt his body ease in Houjo’s embrace, his muscles so weak he might actually fall this time. “…”

Houjo didn’t speak either. They became saturated in the silence.

Kouga let his eyes drift closed, they where blurry and itchy anyway, they were better closed. “Is there…anything…I can do?” A pensive hope peaking out.

“If there is I can’t think of it.” Truthfully.

This was something he’d become invested in, he wanted to see the world as Houjo did, knowledge changed the way he saw things, it was as if his vision was sharpened and more clear. Besides, he was interested, he wanted to know. And if he couldn’t do this, what else would he do? He was weak, not even the jewel shards were enough to compel him to his former speeds. “Whatever, I’m out of here.” Kouga pushed out of Houjo’s grasp.

‘Kouga…’ Houjo couldn’t leave him alone… So with a sigh deep sigh, he ran after him, excuses would follow tomorrow but he didn’t care.

It felt no less solemn at home, or so it had come to be called, and had come to feel.

! - ! - !

Souta spent most of his time in the darkness of the basement, a depression clear and evident in his speech and form. Inuyasha was too uneasy to do anything besides watch him, after hearing of the snake that now inhabited him. When Houjo and Kouga returned, Kouga promptly disappeared.

“Why are you guys here so early?” Inuyasha wondered leaned back over the couch just enough to see Houjo dropping his book bag by the door.

“Kouga…” Houjo ran his hand through his hair, nervous habit. “School just didn’t work out for him…”

Inuyasha wasn’t sure what that meant, he wasn’t sure if he should ask. When Houjo decided not to peruse the wolf, Inuyasha left, trying his best not to make where he was going apparent. He found Kouga on the roof, sitting, probably hiding, behind the chimney. It was a good thing, to Inuyasha at lest, that Kouga had managed to make his way up here. To see Kouga’s progress made him, begrudgingly and he’d never admit it to himself let alone anyone else, happy. “What the hell are you hiding up here mopin’ around for?” What’s wrong?

Kouga lifted his head and glared at him with sullen eyes, his tail twitching weakly against the ground. Angrily “Shut up mutt.” I don’t want to talk about it.

Inuyasha glared right back. “Don’t give me that crap.” Tell me.

Quietly, bitterly, looking away. “Go find something to do with yourself.” I don’t want to.

Inuyasha never could understand how the shape of someone’s eyes, the posture of their body, the tone of their voice, could illicit such a reaction, he wished he was immune. Softer, “Why are you back so early? Huh?” I want to help…Please…

Kouga lifted his head, watching him suspiciously, as if he didn’t know if he could trust him. It was dangerous, divulging himself in anything other then anger was something he was never readily able to do, such a thing would be showing weakness, opening himself up for attack. He might have realized holding back wasn’t necessary with Inuyasha anymore, not after so many experiences far too awkward to recant even to himself. So as much as he fought against it, as uncomfortable as it was, he couldn’t help but reluctantly and somewhat resentfully baring himself to Inuyasha. “I can’t go back to school.” Release.

“Why?” An inquisition

Kouga didn’t feel like going into details, Inuyasha’s questions felt intrusive and annoying, even if he wanted to talk to him. “What the hell does it matter?” Annoyance. A small pause. Then divulgence, frustrated. “I can’t go because I’m not one of them.” Exclusion.

“One of them?” School. World. Era. Humans. “You mean a human?“

“I don’t know, maybe.” Maybe that was a part of it, but that wasn’t what Kouga felt. “I mean I’m not *one* of them.” He dropped his head and stared at the ground. Shame. “I don’t know anything. I don’t even exist here. “ What a concept, being physically alive but not existing.

Inuyasha scratched the back of his neck and finally moved to sit down next to Kouga, a motion he’d been too awkward to perform since he’d come up here. A silence followed while Kouga compiled his thoughts, long and awkward. Inuyasha finally spoke to fill it. “What do you mean?” Ending the uneasy silence.

“There’s all kinds of stuff I need so people will know who I am, stuff people got when they were born, stuff they never even had to worry about. I can’t do anything with out it, and I can’t even get it. Besides…” Kouga trailed off, his voice grumbling to a halt. He didn’t want to continue, he loathed himself to much at this point.

Inuyasha looked away as well, resting his hands behind his head, as if this wasn’t a big deal. As long as Kouga didn’t see how concerned he was, how much he cared about it this. Because the less interest he appeared to take, the less Kouga felt he was being judge, the less Kouga felt he was thinking about him, forming some terrible ideals about him. He wasn’t, and he wished there was a way he could tell Kouga that he wasn’t, so he wouldn’t feel so anxious “Besides what?” Prompting.

Kouga glared at Inuyasha, immediately resenting him for making him go on. His voice raised to a shout “I’m to stupid, ok mutt?!” Anger at himself, translates into anger at everything.

Inuyasha was taken back, he didn’t expect that, he didn’t ever expect to hear something like that from the ever cocky, always arrogant, and most of all, sure of himself Kouga. Had he allowed himself to be mindful, he would have been surprised at how quickly he rushed to dissuade that notion. “What the hell are you talking about! No your not!” Recanting.

Kouga looked away again, he couldn’t stand to look at Inuyasha, and he hated the feel of Inuyasha’s eyes on him. “What the hell do you know.” Rejection.

Inuyasha grunted in frustration. “Don’t do that!” He moved with anger and without cognition, grabbing Kouga by the collar of the black uniform and pulling him face to face. Kouga was so startled that he froze up, wide blue eyes staring into determined golden ones. “Stop saying that, your one of the smartest people I know, stop being such a damn idiot!” Anger blinded.

“Get off it.” Eyes averted, voice mournfully low. “You weren’t there. How the hell would you know anything?“

“I don’t care! I know you!” Inuyasha’s grip tightened and he shook Kouga one, jarring him, wanting to lash out and beat him until he stopped being like this. “I’ve never seen anybody who wanted to know stuff as much as you! I never seen anybody who worked that hard or wanted it that bad! You can’t tell me your stupid!” He growled, determined.

Kouga warmed from his freeze and erupted into anger again, grabbing on to Inuyasha’s wrist. “What does it matter huh?! I can’t go back!”

“Why is this so damn important to you?!” Needing to understand.

“What…” It was sudden, far too sudden for Kouga’s liking. He felt his narrowed eyes begin to itch and blur with tears, his throat choked up and broke. He hated Inuyasha for making him cry like this. “What else…is there for me?” Resignation.

Again, Inuyasha was caught off guard, he stared at Kouga questioningly, still holding. “…What?” Still needing to understand.

“There’s nothing else for me…” Kouga’s voice became quiet again, tears falling on to his cheek. “My legs are shot to hell, I’m weaker then I’ve ever been, my whole pack is dead, I can’t even…let Ginta and Hakkaku see me like this. What else…is there for me? Huh?” Broken. A somber smile appeared on his face, the tears pooled at his cheek were finally enough to fall in a single drop. “What does it matter anyway?”

Inuyasha began to realize the position they were in and how close they were, and with out the anger to justify, he started to feel awkward. “Stop…stop saying that, it does matter.” Timid, almost afraid.

“I don’t care…” Kouga’s smile became sheepish, even while he couldn’t stop himself from crying. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t care anymore, I don’t care about anything.” No motivation to live.

“Shut up, yes you do.” Inuyasha said. “Your just to stupid to see it now.” Trying to save you.

Kouga clinched his eyes shut, he found himself laughing. “I thought you said I wasn’t stupid.” I want you too…I just…can’t…

Inuyasha smirked slightly. “You’re the stupidest smart person I’ve ever met.” You have to let me. “I don’t understand how someone *so* smart… can say something so dumb.”

A silence came, Inuyasha’s slightly lightened expression became an uncertain one as he continued to hold Kouga by the collar. He couldn’t move, not until Kouga let go of his wrist. Kouga watched right back with cheerless, tearful eyes, noticing how close they were and how tightly he was holding on to Inuyasha. He couldn’t let go, not until Inuyasha let go of him. The moment was long, and they found themselves drifting forward, not as unconsciously as they both might have hoped. No thoughts were involved, they couldn’t think about it, they didn’t want to think about it, only flashbulb feelings of fear, anxiety and confusion.

Yet some how, their lips touched, and Kouga closed his eyes and his tongue moved forward of it’s own volition. Inuyasha stared, watched him with nervous, scared eyes, but he his lips parted and he felt Kouga’s lounge slip in. He was kissing, he was letting him kiss! It was all to real and too human, it wasn’t dreamlike, it was messy with feelings, too many thoughts, too many feelings.

But yet…they kissed, and Inuyasha kissed back, leaning forward, closing his eyes. It certainly was quiet out here, warm, no strong winds. Inuyasha licked along Kouga’s tongue, it was warm and wet and had no discernable taste. The traffic wasn’t as loud today, not like usual, not nearly as loud. Kouga pulled back just enough to lick at Inuyasha’s lips. Man Inuyasha was warm, he must have been training, how was that arm doing? Inuyasha’s reached up and rested his hand behind Kouga’s head. How did it feel…didn’t feel like much, just warm, and there was pressure, but the contact was comforting, he liked the contact.

Damnit, was he so awake, so alert, so damn conscious of everything? Kouga nervously lifted his hands and cuffed Inuyasha’s face. He felt himself leaning, Inuyasha was leaning too, there was a growing strain in his abdomen, Kouga didn’t notice they were falling over until he lost all balance and ended up on his side.

Kouga immediately began laughing, and Inuyasha felt relieved, relieved enough to start laughing himself.

Then it was quiet, and they were alone with themselves and each other.

“You just kissed me.” Inuyasha blurted out, dumbfounded.

“You kissed me. “ Kouga shot back. “You made me fall.” Thank you…for saving me.

“What! You’re the one that was dragging me down.” No…thank you for letting me.

“No way, your heavier then I am.” Avoidance.

“So what?” Avoidance.

They were silent again. Looking away.

Inuyasha couldn’t stand too much before he had to look again. “…” Acceptance .

What now? Kouga glanced back at Inuyasha, his tail twitching against the cold brick structure behind him, it still felt tense from being restrained for hours on end while he’d been at school…school…Damn school, damn Inuyasha. Why’d he have to go and kiss him, make things awkward, make things complicated, again, he was sick of feeling this way around Inuyasha. Finally he simply asserted his awkwardness, “So what the hell are we supposed to do now?”

Inuyasha recoiled a bit, he had no idea what he was expecting to happen but this wasn’t it. “W-w..w…” And for the umpteenth he stammered awkwardly in front of Kouga, he was sick of looking stupid in front Kouga. Why him? Why was it always him and not Houjo or something, he could handle Houjo, Houjo was…understanding. “W-what the hell do you expect me to say?” Discomfort and bewilderment equated to anger and annoyance. Kouga frustrated him.

Kouga folded his arms and looked away again, glaring. “I don’t know.”

Inuyasha did the same. “Tch.”

Neither wanted to talk about this, following the schema of an unspoken rule that had developed between them. If you don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist.

A small silence provided between them, filled by wind, and distant sounds of traffic. “This place is always so damn noisy.” Kouga grunted.

Inuyasha shrugged. “You get use to it.”

Kouga sighed heavily, the sullen, heavy gaze returned to his eyes, fixated in his lap. “…”

Inuyasha noticed. “What’s with you puppy?”

“…” Kouga didn’t respond at first, but at this point he’d started to feel comfortable with Inuyasha , feelings and insecurities well primed. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?” He smirked darkly.

“I don’t know, go ask Houjo.” Inuyasha shrugged.

It was ironic, Kouga thought, that he’d made Inuyasha feel in the same way he felt now, not good enough, and excluded. It wasn’t his fault, he was just a demon, Inuyasha was just a half breed, he’d just been born in the wrong place, and Inuyasha couldn’t choose his parents…or siblings for that matter. He hadn’t thought realizing this, vaguely at that, would be enough to even prompt him to think this word let alone say it, but he found himself mumbling. “Sorry…Inuyasha.” An unmindful admission.

Inuyasha was even less expecting to hear it spoken, he was immediately doubtful that he‘d heard it. “Huh?” An uncertainty born of fear of misinterpreting.

“ I…” No, shouldn’t go through with this.”…” He was giving too much of himself up, the more he gave, the less control he had, the more vulnerable he became. Everything could be used against you. “I guess I just didn’t know.” But as before, he couldn’t hide himself from Inuyasha. He tilted his head away, speaking discerningly, as if he didn‘t care. “I didn’t mean it you know.” A painfully deliberate admission.

Inuyasha wasn’t sure if he should ask. “Mean what?” Did he mean the kiss? As much as he wanted to pretend it didn’t happen, just like a few other choice events they never talked about, they never admitted to. To have Kouga outright say that…it…he didn’t like it. Maybe if he asked what he meant, and he said something different…

“The stuff I said before.”

“?”

“…” Damn this was hard. “…” He didn’t speak again.

Inuyasha didn’t push it.

! - ! - !
! - ! - !

Snakes don’t like a lot of things, apparently.

It was almost like having a person who constantly complained about stuff in Souta’s head, complaining all the time, only he wasn’t talking. It was almost consistent. When he ate, he’d get a nagging, peripheral sense from the back of his mind about what he ate. ’What do you want, a big rat!?’ No, Souta preferred the nice, cold bowl of sugary cereal with milk thank you very much. Though he had developed the strange cravings he couldn’t quite identify, and, “Slow down Souta, You eat too fast.”, says Houjo anyway, so fast he forgot to chew sometimes. Houjo was sitting across the table from him, he wasn’t eating, homework maybe?

When he went around Inuyasha, sometimes, he got a very angry feeling. It didn’t like Inuyasha. Inuyasha walked past him, he could smell him, he could hear his heavy footsteps, he was the only one who walked like that, heavy. He could feel a chill radiating off of him, he must have come from outside. Inuyasha patted him on the head, the subtle twinge of claws apparent, he could practically feel him smiling, his hand was lax, he must have been smiling sleepily. The snake was growling…well hissing. ‘Hey, calm down! You tried to eat me remember!’ Souta reminded him, matter-of-factly.

So finicky.

‘Geez, what *do* you like?’ Harmless. The snake had gone from the object of terror to simply company. He wasn’t even sure of everyone else knew it was still there, it wasn’t real to them, the couldn’t see it or any sign of it’s existence. Probably entertaining the notion that he might have been imagining it or it was simply another thing he heard that they couldn’t. They were alone. And the snake was rarely peaceable, ’I guess it’s hard being stuck in someone else’s head. Which was why he hadn’t gone insane already, because if he was stuck in someone else’s head, he’d probably complain a lot too.

The only time the snake wasn’t grouchy, as Souta put it, was when he slept. Souta crawled into bed, besides an already heavily sleeping Inuyasha and curled up under his arm. He was tired, and he could feel the snake dwindling as well, the very fact that he could feel that was amazing. ‘You must miss it.’ He contemplated that night, ‘Having a body.’ Sure, it had tried to eat him once, but he couldn’t hold that against it, they were stuck together.

He never really got a response, not like he wanted, it never talked to him. Why would it? It did try to kill him, and then comeback from the dead and tried again. Could it talk? ‘What did you do before you died?’ He got only small rumbling like surges in response, the snake was tired. Disheartened, Souta retired to sleep. He saw it in his dreams though, every time he fell asleep, or even took a nap, as if his mind traveled to different places while it consolidated the day‘s information. The situations were different, settings were different, but the snake was there, and it’s mood was variable at best. Sometimes it was great, dreaming of eating, or fighting along side of him, or simply being at home and seeing again. Other times it was just about a nightmare, all of which involved the snake trying to eat him.

“Your so angry.” Souta grumbled the moment he returned to consciousness. His teeth hurt, and his tail had latched itself around his leg and he couldn’t find the will to let go. It was comfortable, and thistly became a habit. “What do you want? What do I have to do here?” Frustration. It was tough having little more then a parasitic personality appended to you that didn’t like anything, including you. Maybe it was childish, but he was reaching, constantly trying for some kind of connection that was always rebuffed. ‘Why don’t you like me?’ He had to keep trying, because the snake fulfilled his worst fear, being rejected. He couldn’t deal with such a thing, so he kept looking for away to gain the Snake’s favor.

“Souta?” Inuyasha’s voice rang out sleepily, jarring Souta with surprise. “Who are you talking too?”

One more reason to hate being blind, he couldn’t tell if someone was watching him or not. “Uh…the snake.” He admitted. He had the free floating thought that he’d rather have been in this situation with the wolf pup then the snake, he was nice.

“…Are you…ok?”

“I’m not crazy.” Souta objected defensively.

“That’s not what I meant.”

He always felt as though they thought he was losing his mind, so have such a stigma placed on him, to feel that they felt that way about him made him angry and defensive. “I’m fine.” So he, slowly, began to rebuff, unnoticed to him that if he kept this pace that maybe he would be rejected. That’s simply how self-fulfilling prophecies worked. “Oh…I’m sorry.”

No, maybe it wasn’t real to anyone, not like it was to him. How could it be? Maybe it wasn’t real, something he contemplated often. Whether it was or wasn’t, it felt real to him, and that was all that mattered. Feeling slightly rejected, he quickly finished and isolated himself in the basement.

For a time at lest. “What am I gonna do Houjo?” Souta laid stretched out on the living room floor, his reptilian tail hanging out above the waist band of his pants and coiled around his left leg as it often had found itself. “I can’t do anything like this? How am I gonna go back to school? I can’t see anything…” Insecurities and short comings. “I probably look like a freak.”

“You don’t look like a freak.” Houjo countered. Souta followed his movements, the way he shifted as he sat on the couch, the vibrations of his bare feet against the ground. But he couldn’t see what the older boy was wearing, he thought. “You look fine Souta.” Honestly. “Seriously , I would tell you if you looked drastically different.”

He couldn‘t believe that, because he‘d developed such a strong notion of how he must have looked, and how other‘s would react to him, how they would ridicule, reject him and think him a monster. He was sure Houjo was wrong and simply patronizing him. So he began to avoid everyone all together, and when he was around them he always got this notion that they thought of him in such a way and it made him angry, it wasn’t his fault! So he began to lash out in anger, and avoid, slow others probably would begin to reject him, as he so feared. That’s simply how self fulfilling prophecies worked. “I have a tail! That’s pretty different!“ Souta felt a twinge in his stomach, the inkling of anxiety, “Oh god, what is my mom gonna say when she gets back.” He still hadn’t heard from her, still hadn’t called, still hadn’t heard anything. But she was fine right? Just held up, but alright. No matter the fact that the trip was only supposed to take an afternoon and she’d be home before or shortly after he got back from school that day. No matter that that day was long gone. She was alright right? She had to be, because he couldn’t go look for her.

The snake seemed to sense his anxiety and hissed at it, he didn’t know how to interpret that.

“…” Houjo made a dismal sound, Souta couldn’t see Houjo’s actions but he probably was looking away, rubbing the back of his neck, Houjo did that sometimes he recalled. “You look fine Souta, really.” Returning into a more tangible range. “And the only thing we can do now is wait and see if your sight comes back.”

“You think it will?” Souta asked hopefully, “You think I’ll be able to see again?”

“Maybe.”

Houjo was always reassuring, to Souta at lest. Houjo always seemed to know everything, at this point he was the only thing directing him.

The Snake apparently didn’t like Kouga too much either, the proximity always made the snake anxious and wound up. ‘God, calm down.’ Souta lay sprawled out over the grass underneath the bare cherry blossom tree. “Man, your really strong.” Souta stared upwards blankly in awe, Kouga hung above him by his legs on the strong branch, his hands locked behind his head, sitting himself up with one, long motion and letting himself fall back down. Souta could sense his overheated body even with the wind whipping it away, he could smell his scent from here, It still did things to him he couldn’t quite describe, more so now then before.

“…” Souta could hear Kouga pausing. “Hn…” He didn’t sound happy. He could hear Kouga making some kind of motion, pulling himself up most likely, and then he sprang off the branch, and his body was merely a spot of heat and scent that moved from one place to the next until he landed beside him and Souta could hear him laying down beside him.

“Kouga…” Timidly. “Can you tell me honestly…?”

“What?” Kouga’s voice was deep and stable, Souta took something different from that then he ever had before, Kouga’s voice became substitute for his face.

“Do I look weird?” He was almost obsessed with it, because he thought he looked like a monster, or something horrible. And he was so sure of it (how could something he felt so strongly be wrong?) he always thought everyone was lying when they told him otherwise. Though he didn’t know it, and though he didn’t want it, he was looking for an answer, for the worst answer. Because then he’d be right, because then he could say to himself ‘I knew it.’.

Kouga had begun to notice the subtitle change in Souta’s personality. No hesitancy his answer, “You look different.” The indifference in his voice equated to indifference on his face. Pressured tone, steady pitch: annoyed, steady eyes. Steady words, steady body. He could hear the emotion in his words, bitter.

“What’s wrong?” Souta asked.

Kouga paused, and he could hear Kouga turn away from him. Maybe, he thought, he couldn’t tell, maybe he didn’t care. “Nothing.”

“Kouga…” Souta gained nothing for his words but more withdrawal. ’I wonder what’s wrong with him?’ Souta looked away, deciding he must be annoying Kouga with his questions, and he didn’t want to frustrate him any farther.

Souta sat up, and silently walked towards the house. It was still difficult to find his way, but he could hear the faint rustling of trees being obstructed by something large and he could feel the shade of it suddenly being cast over him and he knew he was close.

!!

‘Huh?’ Souta could feel the snake begin to stir and he was invaded with suspicious, dangerous feelings. “What? What is it?” Souta mumbled, no longer in the mood to deal with an ill tempered parasite. He heard nothing, he felt nothing. Souta simply ignored it and continued toward the house.

Though, the feeling didn’t ease. ‘What’s wrong with you all of a sudden?’

The walk back to house wasn’t this long was it? He should have bumped into it by now.

This couldn’t be good. “Uh…Kouga?…Kouga?”