What Are You?

Chapter Twenty-Eight Alternate
Why?

“Why do you have the Shikon no Tama?” Naraku demanded.
I looked from him to the jewel in my fingers. “I’m going to become a man after the children are born.” I had explained to him about the twins, and we had been discussing what to name them, but neither of us could agree or make a decision, so the subject had been changed.
“No,” he said flatly. I glanced at him, but said nothing. “You should give it back to me.”
My fingers curled around the jewel protectively. I gauged the distance between us. About two yards. If he was going to take it by force, he would have tried to by now. “Tell me the real reason you went in search of my arm,” I said.
He sighed. “I told you.”
“I don’t believe you.”
He leaned back against the wall. “You’re so different when you want to fuck.”
I disregarded his comment. “Tell me. I think you were just trying to seduce me.”
He shifted his eyes to look at me. “You’re very shrewd.”
I knew it. He had somehow known that I would revive him. I turned a little away from him, looking at the jewel again as I imagined what it would be like to be a man—to finally be free of this ridiculous female body with all of its ridiculous problems and shortcomings. I raised an eyebrow slightly. “I see.” I glanced at the birds outside. I watched them flit from branch to branch, scurrying around in the grass, and fluttering in the air for a while. It was almost impossible to tell which were male or female. It was like that with birds. For a long time, it had been like that for me. Don’t go there, I warned myself. Don’t think about it. I glanced back at Naraku. “How did you know I would revive you?”
“I had hoped you would revive me without ill intentions,” he said carefully. “But, as a precaution, I took your arm as a peace offering—in case you simply wanted to kill me again.”
Finally. The truth was out. I had thought that it was something like that, and it was very satisfying to hear him admit to it. I had little time to revel in that, though, as the door slid open. Chiyuota, apparently sensing Naraku’s rather strong aura, had ran in--a little late for that, as he had been here for several hours as the day was breaking. It looked as though the old youkai had just woken up, though. Her gaze shifted from me to Naraku and back again, trying to process this.
I was sitting cross-legged on my futon, and Naraku was standing a ways away from me, staring out the door at the birds. He glanced at the healer, then back out the door again, unconcerned.
“What… When…” she stammered for a moment, then regained her composure. “Sesshomaru-sama!” Chiyuota was probably the only being whom could make that sound like an insult and a reprimand at the same time. “You’re going to answer my questions. First, you told me he was dead. Apparently, he’s alive.”
“Apparently,” I agreed.
Naraku looked back at me. “Oh? You claimed I was dead?”
“Only a about nine days ago,” Chiyouta confirmed.
His eyes narrowed. “I’ve been alive before that time.” He turned to me, suddenly interested in my explanation.
I didn’t bother looking at either of them as I explained myself. “It was easier than telling you that at the time, I wanted nothing to do with him.”
Naraku looked displeased, but saved his retort for later. He looked back out the door that I never seemed to close. Chiyuota, however, was rather exasperated. “Anything else you’d like to clarify?”
“No.”
“Would you care to explain why he’s here now?”
I blinked. “Does it matter?”
Suddenly, the fires of her temper cooled to embers. “Indeed. Very well, then. You had a change of heart. I see.” I looked at her flatly, but said nothing. “When did he arrive?”
“Last evening,” I said, studying the jewel once more as my thoughts drifted back to something far more pleasant—the idea of changing my body.
Chiyuota nodded once. “Very well. Sesshomaru, how are you feeling?” I supplied her with no answer. If I said I was well, she would pour something foul down my throat, and if I said I felt ill, she would do something worse. “Very well. How about an herbal tea?”
I looked at her. Had I heard her correctly? “What are you putting in it?”
“Nothing today.”
I knew Chiyuota better than that. She would put something weird in it. “Hm.”
She ignored my suspicion and looked at Naraku. “Do you want anything?”
“I don’t eat,” he said flatly.
She blinked. “What?”
He looked at her. “I do not require edible sustenance.” She processed this for a moment, then nodded, bowed, and made her exit. He looked back at me. “I don’t want you to be male.”
Why did I revive him again? I glanced at Tensaiga and Tokijin. Tempting… “I do not care what it is you desire.”
“Give the Shikon no Tama to me. Wouldn’t you prefer it if I were a full-blooded youkai?”
“No,” I said, deciding to slip back in to my reverie in which I could cast off this female form like an old piece of clothing—finally, after all these years. I was setting things in the right.
“It would be beneficial to you as well.”
I glanced at him. “How so?”
“Isn’t it a little humiliating being with a hanyou?”
I looked back at the jewel, turning it to reflect the sunlight streaming in through the open screen. “No.” I rose, an idea forming in my mind. I walked past Naraku, out the door. He was trailing after me—most likely intent on trying to convince me to give up the jewel. He knew that he couldn’t take it by force just yet.
“Where are you going?” he demanded.
I looked at him from the corner of my eyes. “Don’t follow me. I won’t be long.” I looked up at the sky. “While I’m gone, apologize to Rin for the trauma you have caused.”
The look he gave me could have withered plants. “You want me here to protect you, so I stayed here. And now you’re leaving?”
“I won’t leave again,” I promised. With that, I flew off, with one intent in mind. Naraku would be furious.

*****
I arrived back in about two hours’ time. Naraku hadn’t seemed to have moved much, and he was glaring at the sky when I arrived. His glare shifted to me. I sat down beside him.
He went to glaring at the birds. He suddenly froze. I could hear him stop breathing. He turned slowly and looked at me. “What did you do with the Shikon no Tama?”
This would be delightful. I couldn’t wait to see his facial expression. I couldn’t wait to have him fly into a rage. I wondered how far I could push him before he decided that he could not stand me any longer, or he finally just tried to kill me. Why did I care so little about my own life as to risk gaining him as an enemy once more? But it wasn’t so much my life I should be concerned for—it was my children. “I gave it to Kikyou,” I told him. We had agreed that she would look after it for one year before I returned for it. She had not asked me why. I don’t think she knew, either. If she had asked me, I already had a plan: I was going to consider what I could do with it, and a year’s time should be sufficient. During that time, I didn’t want every demon in Japan after my head. It was a valid enough excuse, but I had not needed to use it.
For a moment, his face was totally devoid of all life. His face shifted into a look of absolute horror, misplaced hatred, and disgust. He started to say something to me, but couldn’t seem to put his rage into words. I half-expected him to try to butcher me, but he didn’t. Instead, he shot me another glare that could have withered plant life and stalked away. I almost merely let him go, but then a thought occurred to me.
Could he be going after Kikyou?
I rose and followed him, staying at a distance behind him. He had to have known I was there, but he gave no mention of it. I stalked him for quite some time, but he never left the barrier. Finally, he walked over to me.
“Why did you do that?”
“I should think that would be obvious,” I stated flatly.
He had to know my motive. In fact, I knew he did. He just didn’t want to believe that I had really given it to her.
But I had given it to her, and now it was out of his reach, and it was safe for a while longer.
He sighed. “But you’re going to get it back.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
He searched my eyes for a moment with his own. “If you do that… I will tolerate it, if you give it to me afterwards.”
What? I scowled. “No.”
“Then I’ll leave you.”
Why? Why did it have to be that way?
He was serious. He would tolerate some of my bull shit, but not all of it. He wasn’t going to let me continue to walk on him. This was my limit. I couldn’t be male if he couldn’t be a youkai. Not and have him with me anyway.
I looked away.
Was that how it was? Did I have to stay female to be with him? I looked at him. Was it that he wanted me female, or just really wanted to be a youkai? “Do you want me to be female, or do you just desire to be a youkai?”
“Both.”
My lips curled in disgust.
“I will tolerate you male if you will give me the jewel.”
I was afraid that if I gave it to him that it might change him, and more than just physically. “No.”
“Then I’ll leave you. We will be enemies again.” He seemed committed to it.
I looked back at him. “No.”
“Then what is it you want?” he demanded.
I rested my hands on his shoulders, trying to make him see my point of view.