Strength

Fighting writer's block again – new semester to teach and too much to prepare – but a few surprise reviews over the last few days forced me to crush the block back. I need Sesshy's toxic claws to melt the sucker. Sigh!

Seriously you reviewers are wonderful – 31 chapter – you guys really keep me going. As the antidote to my writig block this chapter is dedicated to all my reviewers. Kazuyo nice to hear from you even if you want to kill me hehehe, :P

Read, review and enjoy :)

Chapter 31 : Blood flows

Rage, rage was the mask with which was used t hide the deeper emotions;; the feelings of guilt, helplessness and sorrow; were all conveniently masked by the burring rage. Sesshoumaru burned with it, he had done the right thing – he had done what was best for his mate, he had NOT traumatized his mate. He protected his mate. He was protecting his MATE!

The litany of words ran through the DaiYoukai's head over and over, the aura of burning mindless rage around him was enough to send all the guards and servants scurrying out of the way. The doors that protected the royal suite silently melted as the enraged dog lord sent recklessly splashed his poison at the doors. He want straight to his chambers and slammed the door open. His lips pulled back in a growl when he saw the huge bed was empty. He flashed to the balcony, and froze!

Inuyasha stood leaning against the stone railing, it was all that was keeping Inuyasha upright. It was not even dawn yet, the predawn gray light, was the only illumination, and made the white hair of the hanyou glow almost eerily. Inuyasha lifted his head, his eyes unseeing lost in pain as his body shuddered and spasmed. His arms protectively wrapped around his own belly, Inuyasha radiated agony, and yet Sesshoumaru realized in growing horror, not a sound escaped the Hanyou. The being twisting and writing in silent agony was a horror show like no other.

"Inuyasha,..." Sesshoumaru whispered, his face for once reflecting dark disturbance. To the DaiYoukai's growing pain and fear, at the small sound, golden eyes, tinged with blood from broken stressed capillaries opened. They widened for a moment, and then the eyes blurred with shame.

"Seshh.. a.. a.. few minutes.. plea.. wait.. few minutes.. and I'll be strong.. just go... please." Inuyasha hit his head on the railings, allowing his hair to cover his face. NO! No! He had to get it together.. he could not let Sesshoumaru see him like this... weak, pathetic, fucking cowering in pain. He HAD to pull it together, he HAD to be strong. Even as he thought that another wave of pain washed though his being, he arched his back, but not a sound escaped his lips, as everything except the pain was chased from his consciousness.

Then something intruded on the purity of his pain. It could not break into the core, it could not stop the pain, but it did wrap around him, it held him secure as his body convulsed, it warmed his abused soul left so long to the cold bite of pain. He leaned not on the hard, unforgiving rock, but on a solid, moving source of radiating warmth. It was strange, it was alien.. Inuyasha had never been supported like this, and it was... almost unnatural... but... he had needed this, he had never known it – he would never ASK for it - but he needed it – more than he would ever be able to admit. He needed it, it did not lessen the pain, but it gave a comfort to the young Hanyou. Though comfort was something that Inuyasha offered freely to those around him, especially children, he hardly recognized it – when it was offered to himself.

As it always did the pain receded, and conscious thought returned. Sesshoumaru was holding him, cradling him. Sesshoumaru.. was comforting.. him, the once abandoned and unwanted Hanyou.

A lone red tinged tear, that he had not shed even at the height of his pain, escaped his eye and slid down his cheek, leaving a trail down his pale face. The tear dropped onto the pure white moko moko, Inuyasha's eyes opened and he watched almost mesmerized as the tear stained the white fur red. He whimpered at the desecration.

A dark red droplet fell on moko moko next to the first, then another, Inuyasha raised a shaking hand to his face to stop his tears, but his face was dry.

Slowly he raised his head, the pink tinged streak down his right cheek making him seem extraordinarily vulnerable.

The DaiYoukai could not cry, so blood not tears oozed out of Sesshoumaru's eyes. The rapid change of emotions, the pent up boiling feelings in the DaiYoukai that he had not learned to release, had burst the arteries in his eyes, allowing the DaiYoukai's heart to bleed but not ...cry in pain.

He had not know, HOW could he not have know! His mate had needed him, needed him badly, and he had not been there he had not had know. Had his mate experienced this before, Sesshoumaru's mind flashed back to the faint scent of blood that was sometimes in their rooms in the mornings – WHY had he never questioned it. He began to feel sick, physical pain piercing his heart,...what was this – why did he hurt so?

He knew, it came to him slowly – but it did come. He was feeling sick – because he had failed his Mate – again. His eyes – bled, and it was right – he needed to bleed, to make up for the pain his mate suffered on his behalf, his hand sank into Inuyasha's soft cotton hair, he pushed Inuyasha's head on to his chest, and buried his face in the soft hair, mindless of the blood smears that streaked the cotton soft strands. He had to make up for it, he had to save his Hanyou, if he failed – he would lose – everything. Sesshoumaru had never experienced fear as he did at that moment; he would not lose, he could not lose ... he could not lose his little brother... his bearer... his mate... his Inuyasha! He held his precious one tight, muttering incoherently into the tree spiced scented hair.

It was a few moments before Sesshoumaru became aware of more than the precious being in his arms; he felt it, the strong arms around HIM, clawed work-roughed hands that ran up and down HIS back, almost as if to comfort HIM! Then the soft mutter that had been soothing him, became clearer and he could hear Inuyasha whispering words of comfort to HIM! It was only than did Sesshoumaru realize that he was slumped against his brother, he was not sure when it had happened, but sometime in the last few moments the comforter became the comforted, He was leaning heavily on Inuyasha who was soothing him. His brother muttered that 'It was all right' that "No one failed.. it is just life." that 'the pain was not too bad, it was better since the ceremony and Sesshou you really helped."

Than his brother began to whisper nonsense like "You will be alright, you and the pups will be fine, no matter what happens, you have each other and you will be fine."

"Stupid Inuyasha!" Sesshoumaru found himself muttering back, "Stupid blind Hanyou!" He had not called Inuyasha that since his son's little lesson in etiquette. But some how the word was more of an endearment than an insult, and the tone of the voice the words were said in was raw, gentle... and extraordinarily loving. "You are a fool Inuyasha if you believe that," Sesshoumaru's voice was still soft and loving, "No one, not Yuusha, not Mee-chan, not Kishi, Shippo, Shoiri, Hana, my mother or ME, not any one of us, will be alright if you are not alright. But we ARE going to be all right - my stubborn little brother, because as hard headed as you are, I have many years on you, and I am a great deal more stubborn. We are going to be all right – because YOU are going to be here for a LONG time, looking after us, loving us, scolding us and generally making life 'interesting' for me for a very very long time to come. You WILL start to believe that Inuyasha, YOU will start to love me – as much as I love you, You are going to believe that you WILL LIVE or so help me, I'm going to take you across my knee." Sesshoumaru whispered into the twitching appendages roughly and he held Inuyasha as tight as he could.

He could feel Inuyasha stiffen in surprise at this words, and than slowly relax against him.

"I have no excuses, Inuyasha, my only defense is that I acted in ignorance. I did not know, there was no way for me to know that I was not giving you a choice in our mating. I thought.. I thought I was giving you a chance to reject me in public – by approaching you about mating in that manner. I.. I .. just read the truth about submission and mating – I swear Inuyasha I had not meant to take choice away from you." Sesshoumaru whispered the words pouring out from him- a broken dam of sorrow and regret. Inuyasha was silent for a long while, and Sesshoumaru felt his breathing hitch. "I thought you had chosen me, I am sorry Inuyasha – after what I did – it was rather typical of me to be so arrogant. I am not even sure if I COULD have given you a choice... "

Inuyasha rested his forehead of Sesshoumaru's collarbone, not meeting his brother's eyes he shook his head violently. "If you had just asked, with out the expectation of an answer.. without fanfare, I could have verbalized my response, my Youki and my body cannot reject you, and I will not reject the other father of out pups in public. But if we had been alone – and you asked – without mating me, or touching me when you asked – I could have answered no." Inuyasha answered truthfully.

He heard a tiny mewl of pain escape his brother's lips and Sesshoumaru suddenly loosened his hold, and inhaled sharply as if to step back. Inuyasha tightened his hold refusing to allow Sesshoumaru to withdraw. "I said I could have denied you, I did not say I would have denied you." Inuyasha looked up his eyes were clear, bright and very gentle as he gazed at the confusion in Sesshoumaru's face, that look was so rare – on the DaiYoukai – fear and doubt so alien to his big brother – that Inuyasha knew he would cherish the look. The mixed emotions of the DaiYuokai seemed to sink into Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru's rare display of vulnerability -more precious because it was so rare- acted as a healing balm, soothing the shattered pieces of Inuyasha's heart. It did not heal it totally, but some how the big heart in the Hanyou was no longer in so many pieces.

'Don't worry so much. You are family Sesshou, somehow you have become one of my own." Inuyasha whispered as he cupped Sesshoumaru's face. "Either way, my answer would have been the same Sesshou, I wanted to be your mate. So stop frowning like that Sesshou, wrinkles on a DaiYoukai is totally unbecoming." Inuyasha grinned impishly as he tried to lighten the rather heavy and depressed mood.

Sesshoumaru stared at the Hanyou, a look that was akin to awe crossing his face, just how big was Inuyasha's heart? He lowered his head and took the soft and firm lips. The kiss conveyed all of Sesshoumaru's regret, his pure determination to heal his little brother, and beyond that the growing love that was filling him.

The kiss broke away, as they both sensed a stirring in their pups room. In silent accord, the parents quickly washed the blood and physical evidence of trauma from their beings, as adults they would protect the pups from some truths. Blood was efficiently cleaned from Inuyasha's hair and Moko Moko, leaving both sparkling white. Only - Inuyasha noticed that there was now a perfect pink dot on Moko Moko, Sesshoumaru touched it with a gentle smile. It was Inuyasha's tear, and neither he nor his tail were willing to relinquish the exquisite offering. Inuyasha was at a loss for words.

Sesshoumaru knew any moment now Yuusha would barge into the room, he purposefully led the slightly overwhelmed Inuyasha to a comfortable arm chair by the fire, sat him down in it and sat on the twin chair next to him. Holding his mate's hand the whole time. Yuusha did not have to see them in the bed together, but a new routine would be established, Sesshoumaru had no intention of ever letting Inuyasha suffer though his morning torment alone.

The two sat, and waited, relaxing near the almost dying fire. Sesshoumaru absently stroked Inuyasha's knuckles. From the sense of the awakening Youki, they had about two minutes at most before Yuusha would burst in, for his morning snuggles.

"So Inuyasha will you?" Sesshoumaru said suddenly, staring intently into the fire.

"Huh? Will I what?" Inuyasha responded a bit confused, his brother sure was acting out of character this morning.

Sesshoumaru looked at him seriously, and deliberately released Inuyasha's hand so they were not touching. He leaned forward and asked in his most romantic and seductive tone, "This is not an order, it is a sincere question. Inuyasha, my most beautiful and lovely little brother, will you do this Sesshoumaru the honor of being my mate? " He asked – a little late, but it was better then never.

Inuyasha's eyes widened again, he stared in disbelief at the sincere and yes – loving look on his brother's face. A shaky smile stretched his lips, maybe – just maybe there was some hope after all. He took a deep breathe, then he heard Yuusha's door opening. A twinkle that had been missing for over seven years from the golden eyes suddenly came to life, far weaker and smaller than before – but it was none-the-less there. Sesshoumaru's heart missed a beat and the beauty that shone from Inuyasha's face.

Inuyasha reached out – at patted Sesshoumaru's cheeks rather condesendingly. "Gee... Sesshou, I will have to think about it, after all I might get a better offer." Inuyahsa stuck his tongue out at Sesshoumaru, who's jaw suddenly came unhinged.

The DaiYoukai's growl of outrage was choked back, as Inuyasha's timing had been perfect, and the doors burst open as Yuusha flew into his Papa's arms. Sesshoumaru forced himself to sit back in his chair, pretending that he was fine, with his arms crossed. Inuyasha looked knowingly at him, sheer force of will forced back the blush. Both the glint in Inuyasha's eyes and the sinking feeling in his own traitorous stomach, was evidence that Inuyasha was quite right in surmising that he the Lord of the West was – pouting.

-tbc-

not sure - YES some outta character – well how IN character are people when they are emotionally overwhelmed? :)

On an unrelated note - question when do I enjoy campus the most? Answer - When students are NOT around :P