Innocent Beginnings

Innocent Beginnings
By: Maggz
Disclaimer: InuYasha and Co. © Rumiko Takahashi


Chapter 31: It Ain't Right To Need Someone As Much As I Depend On You


I was sitting in my room, contemplating a blank journal someone at Sacred Heart had given me for a present. The house was quiet, Reika had gone shopping with Kikyo and Uncle Ichi was out golfing for the day. I'd been told in no uncertain terms that I was to stay OFF the computer in the library and I knew my Uncle Ichi good enough to know he had eyes situated in the back of his head so I had no PLANS to tap at the keys until somebody was home to watch over me.


Restless, I threw the journal on the bed and paced back and forth in front of my bedroom window, wanting to get away, go outside… something. I picked up the phone and dialed Kohaku's number, not sure if he'd be home on a Saturday morning or not. The phone rang three times before he picked up and happy, I asked him how he was doing.


"I can't talk right now, Rin.", was all he said, his voice sounding a bit muffled.


"Why?", I asked. He'd never refused me anything before without good reason, not ever.


"I just can't. Listen, I call you later next week, OK?", he mumbled.


"NO!", I hissed, indignant now. Was he going to put me off when all I needed was somebody to take the edge off my pain?


"Yes. Look, now is not a good time.", he said, the sound of his voice becoming more agitated.


"Have you got a damned girl there, Kohaku? Is that it?", I asked him, my breath whooshing out of my body. And what if he did? We weren't a couple or were we? Hell, I didn't even KNOW!!


"Damn it, Rin. I don't feel like arguing or discussing anything at all, right now. I've got to go. I'll call you later. I promise. Bye.", he said and hung up!


"You BASTARD!", I screeched into the dead phone. He'd HUNG UP??? "We'll just see about THAT, you asshole!", I huffed as I ran to the closet and pulled out my trainers. Sliding my feet into them, I yanked hard on the laces and grabbed my jacket, running down the stairs. Kohaku lived more than a good walk from us but with my bicycle I was sure I could make it there within twenty minutes - tops. Not bothering to leave a note as to my whereabouts, my mind all awhirl… I banged the door shut behind me and stuffing my key into my jacket pocket, ran to the garage for my bicycle.


My dad had bought me the bike for my fifteenth birthday, about six months before the accident and it had not been ridden since then. It was a beautiful racing bike in candy apple red with all the latest frills attached. He'd been so proud when he'd given it to me and I'd promised to take very good care of it until I got my first car. I wasn't too sure how I felt about being on it now but to my way of thinking, I really had no choice. I had to see for myself exactly what Kohaku was hiding from me and IF it was a girl, I wasn't sure exactly what course of action I'd take but I was willing to bet it would be a violent one.


I pedaled hard and fast up our street and through the intersection that bisected the down town area. Taking a right onto Kohaku's street, I rode along on the sidewalk until I spotted his building and hopping off my bike, secured it against a post and made my way inside. Looking down at my watch as I mounted the stairs, I saw that I'd made the trip in less than fifteen minutes and out of breath, continued my journey until I reached the top floor.


Not bothering to knock, I reached above the doorsill and grasping the spare key he always kept there, inserted it into the lock and turned it. Opening the door into the apartment, I saw no evidence of him but closed the door quietly behind me, determined to FIND him and figure out what he was up to.


I heard the water running in the kitchen as well as Kohaku's familiar `self babble' as I made my way into the living room. Not wanting to sneak up and scare the shit out of him, I cleared my throat as I rounded the corner… and got an eyeful!


If I'd expected something, it wasn't what I saw right before my very eyes. It was no girl that had me catching my breath and gasping in disbelief. It was the fact that Kohaku's right eye was swollen completely shut and colored a horrid greenish purple. As my chin sank to my chest in shock, I also caught a glimpse of his lower lip, cut and bruised so that it was swollen twice it's normal size, as well.


A little cry escaped me and in a rush, I ran to him because I knew EXACTLY who and what had happened.


Sesshomaru.


"Rin!", Kohaku burst out. "What in the HELL are you doing here? How did you GET here? You're not supposed to even be out of the fucking HOUSE!!", he frowned down at me.


"What did he do to you?", I whispered, tears clogging my throat. Would I never stop causing trouble for those that I loved? Would I never stop hurting people?


I reached up to touch his face and gave in to my urge to cry when he winced in pain.


"HE looks just as rough as I do, Rin. Trust me", Kohaku mumbled through his split lip. "Bastard was waiting for me when I got home from Kanna's.", he hissed in pain as I ran a finger over his lip.


"Why? Why did he DO this?", I moaned.


"He said you were in The Met last night. He thought I'd got you in again. What in the hell WERE you doing there anyway?" he asked, his one good eye narrowing.


"Nothing. It's not a big deal. But THIS is!", I moaned as I wrapped my arms about his waist and hugged him close. "I'm so sorry!"


"YOU didn't do this, Rin - your savior and protector did. Damn, he packs a fucking good punch!" he said almost admirably. Confused by the laughter in his tone, I leaned back and looked up at him.


"You don't sound mad.", I said.


"I'm not. Not anymore. We got it worked out, Rin.", he said, pulling me back against him as he ran his fingers through my hair.


"But you didn't sound OK on the phone, Kohaku. If everything is worked out, the why didn't you want to talk to me or come over?", I asked, hurt now.


"Because… I just… I needed time to think PLUS I didn't want you to see me like this, Rin.", he said softly.


"Think about what?", I asked - suddenly my tummy felt as if it had tilted sideways.


"Sit down with me for a minute, Rin. I need to talk with you.", he said, grabbing the icepack he'd been preparing off the countertop before leading me into the living room. Sitting down on the sofa, he pulled me down next to him and reached for my hand as he put the icepack to his lip, gasping at the coldness.


I pulled my hand from his and brushed my hair away from my face as I waited for him to begin. I was sure I wasn't going to like what he had to say… for some reason. Maybe it was because Sesshomaru was involved. Nothing that Sesshomaru had been attached to regarding my life for the past several months had went very well. Why would this be any different? I could feel my anger starting to boil inside and swallowed hard, determined to hear Kohaku through `til the end.


"You want me to tell you everything.", he stated, no question at all in his voice. "Rin, look up here for a second.", he said.


I lifted my eyes to his and tried to smile, failing miserably.


"It's not all so bad.", he murmured, reaching for my hand once more. "I promise."


"Somehow I don't quite believe you, Kohaku. I've found that when Sesshomaru is involved now, I usually am not very happy with the result.", I said.


"Then just listen.", he said softly, moving the icepack to his colorfully injured eye.


"I came back from Kanna's about 10, not too late. I was hungry and tired as I had spent most of the day moving those packing crates that I'd promised Mrs. Sheehan a few days ago. Anyway, it was dark when I pulled up and got out of the car, walking toward the house. It wasn't until I got inside and halfway up the stairwell that I saw him - your Sesshomaru. He was sitting on the top step, at the landing, just as if he'd been patiently waiting for me for a long time. He didn't say anything at all, but I could tell by the look on his damned face that he was spitting mad.


I was tired and hungry. I even had thoughts about calling you once I got inside to see if you'd be able to come over for pizza but when I saw him there, I knew it was gonna be awhile before I got to sit down and relax, eat, or use the phone.


I said hello and asked him what was up. He stood up - slowly, mind you - and before I realized it, he'd knocked my ass end up down the steps! I thought I'd broken my damned arm but it only got banged on the step when I first went down.", he said as he lifted his arm to show me another purplish green splotch on his skin. I moaned and closed my eyes, not sure if I wanted to hear anymore.


"Rin.", Kohaku spoke my name softly. I shoo hea head and closed my eyes tighter. How could he NOT fault me for this? It had all been my doing!


"You listening?", he asked and I heard the icepack clink as he moved it to his lip once more.


I nodded, leaning my head against his shoulder for the remainder of the story. He told me that after he'd picked himself up off the floor, he'd charged up the steps after Sesshomaru and that they'd both tussled briefly on the landing, both able to get their punches in on the other with no problems whatsoever. He said that when the two of them were finally on the floor, catching their breath, that they'd happened to look one at the other… and started to laugh! At those words, I lifted my head from his shoulder in shock and found him nodding and smiling as if to assure me he was telling the truth.


"You and Sesshomaru? Laughing?", I asked in total disbelief. I just couldn't see it.


"Yeah, imagine that!", he said, shaking his head as if he, himself couldn't believe it.


"Why?", I asked.


"Why? Because we both realized how fucked up we were to be fighting over you, Rin, when we both only want the same thing for you. We want to make sure you're doing OK and that you get your school lessons taken care of and that you have somebody to watch over you.", he said.


"Oh no.", I whispered, not quite believing what I was hearing now.


"What?", Kohaku asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. "I thought you'd be happy!"


"HAPPY?", I cried. "How can I be happy when Sesshomaru invades everrt ort of my life?! I can't even go outside the house now because of him! I'm grounded for God knows how long! And he sits right there acting like he's got the right to do it, that's… I'm not fucking happy!"


"But nothing's changed, Rin. I mean, we still pretty much hate each other, we just came to an understanding.", he said with a grin.


"No, You mean that HE told you what he wanted from you and for some fucked up reason, you agreed to it! HOW DOES HE DO IT?", I hissed, moving to get off the sofa and out the door.


"No, Rin! It wasn't like that at all! Sesshomaru listened to me, I listened to him, after we got in our punches and `fuck you's', of course.", he said, reaching for my hand.


"Did you tell him that we sleep together?", I asked - part of me hoping he had.


"Hell NO! You said you never wanted him to know that and I saw no reason to break it to him. If you want him to know it, you'll have to tell him yourself.", he said, trying to pull me back toward him as I slid to the edge of the sofa. "Besides, it's not like we fuck or anything…", he mumbled.


"So what's the agreement?", I asked, ignoring his muttered remark.


"He knows NOW that I care for you very much, Rin. I didn't give him much chance to question that, you know. I didn't bow to his wishes, not at all, if that`s what you`re thinking. It took a very long time and lots of bullshit but we finally agreed to try to get along as best we can for your sake. ", he said proudly.


"For my sake…", I mumbled.


"Yeah. He's an overprotective jerk and he knows that - well, sort of. He said you threw him out of the house, is that so?", Kohaku asked, his eyes dancing with laughter now.


"I told him to get lost because I'm sick of him interfering. Just like he did HERE. YOU should've thrown him out instead of inviting him in for tea!", I cried.


"Jeez, Rin! I didn't invite him for TEA! We could hardly look at each other without laughing at the mess we'd made of one another after it was all over. He's got a split lip and a black eye as well!", he grinned wider.


"I'm so glad you two have become buddies!", I hissed, more angry than ever now.


"We're hardly THAT, Rin. We don't really like each other, we'll never be friends, we just have YOU in common and we both know that this has got to stop somehow. Between the two of us, we're hurting YOU, Rin and neither of us wants that.", he said.


"Just quit talking about SESSHOMARU and talk about YOU or US!", I begged. WAS there an us?


"Rin, what's wrong?", he asked, his eyes full of concern.


"Nothing, Kohaku. In fact, I really should go now.", I said, removing my hand from his and standing.


"No.", he said firmly, getting to his feet to tower over me.


"I should never have come here and I'm sorry.", I insisted, hating myself for feeling so defenseless and down.


"RIN!", Kohaku cried, following me as I walked swiftly to the door.


"Justve mve me alone, Kohaku. I should've listened to you when you told me over the phone that you didn't want to see me.", I said, opening the door and stepping back out into the hallway.


His hand closed over my wrist as I moved toward the stairwell and I gasped as he pulled me back against him, holding me with one arm wrapped securely around my waist.


"You're not leaving. I told you the reason why I didn't want you to see me today - or until these bruises faded. I knew you would be upset but I never realized you'd be angry with me for coming to some kind of understanding with SESSHOMARU! Damn it, Rin! What's got into you?", he asked, pulling me back into the apartment with him.


"I want to go home, Kohaku. I want - I NEED to be alone. Please.", I whispered as he eased a leg around me and kicked the door shut.


"...not going anywhere… right now… just SIT for a second.", he huffed as he pulled me back toward the bedroom with him. Turning me toward him, he put his hands on my shoulders and pushed down until I was sitting on the edge of his bed.


"Now…", he grunted as he knelt down on the floor, facing me, between my knees so that we were pretty much face to face. "I want you to look at me and tell me exactly what's wrong with you besides the fact that you have two guys completely at your mercy that love you to bits!", he said, grinning hugely. I knew he was trying to get me to lighten up, to smile… but I couldn't. NOTHING seemed to be working in my life anymore… not Sesshomaru, not Kohaku, not my family and especially not me.


"Damn it, Rin. It's killing me to see you like this. Please talk to me, please!", he insisted, taking my hands into his and bringing them to his lips. "Don't you think I want what's best for you? Why would THAT ever bother you, honey?", he asked.


"Kohaku. You've become my very best friend in the entire world. You know that, don't you?", I asked.


"And you're mine.", he answered immediately.


"Sesshomaru… it's hard to explain!", I moaned, trying like hell to cover my face with our intertwined hands. He wasn't having it.


"You love him, Rin. I've known that since we first started talking about the jerk.", he grinned, before winking at me. "…sorry… old habits die hard.", he chuckled.


"I love him.", I said softly. "More than my whole life, more than anything else in this entire universe.", I admitted and then started to sob.


"Ohhhhhhhh, baby…", Kohaku soothed, pulling me into his arms and rocking me to and fro as he smoothed my hair and kissed my forehead. "I KNOW you love him. I know that.", he murmured.


Easing me back onto the bed, he climbed up to join me and wrapped me in his arms so that I lay facing him.


"He loves you too, Rin… he really does.", he whispered.


"I KNOW he freaking LOVES me, Kohaku. But I could very well be one of his sisters for all he sees! He doesn't LOVE me, love me… he just LOVES me!", I cried.


"No, you're wrong, Rin.", Kohaku said after a moment. Cupping my chin in his hand, he raised my face until I was looking into his eyes. "He LOVES you, Rin."


"Did he say it?", I asked, my heart thumping wildly.


"He doesn't HAVE to. Some things are just right fucking obvious.", he laughed as he smoothed tears from my cheeks. "Why it isn't obvious to YOU or to HIM… well, I don't have a clue. You're both so busy either hiding it or denying it that you can't see what's right in front of you. At least that's what I think.", he said, shrugging his shoulders as he leaned forward to softly kiss me.


"Then why do you mess with me at all?", I asked him, looking intently into his eyes. "Why do you kiss me and why did you DO what we DID the other day in here on your bed?", I asked, blushing furiously.


"Because I love you too.", he said. "It's the truth, Rin."


"…and I love you.", I stammered. "Are we insane?"


He threw his head back and laughed, pulling me along with him and rolling me underneath his body.


"Maybe, baby.", he grinned, touching his nose to mine. "All I know is I've got you right now. I mean, I know that in the end, he'll come to claim what's his… and that's YOU. But for now, you are MY sweet angel and I'm gonna love you and protect you and kiss you…", he whispered as his lips slowly moved toward mine. "..if that's ok…"


WAS it ok? I'm not sure at all. At the time, all I knew was that I needed him desperately. And he seemed to have understood every single thing that was whirling around inside my poor, confused, mixed up brain yet all he wanted was for things to be exactly as they had been. He wasn't asking for my heart because he knew he already had a huge part of it. He just wanted `us' and so did I. It was almost too much to comprehend! So I didn't even try… I let him kiss me and I kissed him back.