Blue moon and Red Fire

Chapter 30: Blame it on the rain

Utterly depressing.

That was the only way Inuyasha could describe this morning. Dark clouds that bared the young, morning sun, a torrent of rain falling clamorously outside, the loud, ambient crackle of the thick drops pelting the ground and every surface outside. It was simply gloomy, there was no real light making everything dim and dark.

He hated rainy days like this.

Maybe he was in a bad mood, just as Souta had accused him of, he certainly found Souta good spirits annoying when he normally wouldn’t have.

He sat in the living room beside the door with is arms folded, staring out at the shadowy room, listening to the rain pound against the windows and streak down. The low, deep rumble of close thunder rolled in the skies outside, no lighting accompanied it though. Souta was on the ground in front of him, carefully putting on a pair of boots, smiling. “What are you so happy about? You have to go out into that mess.” And it was quite a mess, a watery layer of mud covered every patch of grass, standing water accumulated on the sides of roads, spread by hydroplaning cars. All over it was simply not a good day, for Inuyasha anyway.

“I don’t mind.” Souta said, climbing to his feet and pulling the boots up those last few inches until they felt comfortable. He didn’t mind, he’s normal morning ritual of exercise with Kouga had been wet, cold and dark, he timid at first but it ended up being fun in an enthralling way that could only be completely accepted and enjoyed by a child. Such an invigorating start to the morning was enough to put him past the gloom of the day, he barely noticed the dim atmosphere, every time he saw the rain he thought of the fun he’d had a few hours ago.

Inuyasha snorted, “Why do you have to go to school anyway, why would you wanna in this storm.”

Souta laughed. “They barely give us snow days, they aren’t gonna let us out for rain.” He opened up the closet and began digging around until he found a black jacket with a hood, he slipped it on and zipped it half way. ‘I wonder what happened to my rain coat.’

Inuyasha closed his eyes and let his head fall back sleepily against the wall. “Tch.” Yeah, he was definitely in a bad mood.

Souta’s smile grew wider and he jumped into Inuyasha’s lap, “!” Inuyasha flinched and pried his eyes open with a start.

Souta’s small hands took hold of Inuyasha’s face and he looked over him curiously. “Are you feeling alright?”

Inuyasha nearly blushed at the two actions, his face shift from blank discernment to confused uneasiness. “What are you asking me that for?”

Souta pressed his hand to Inuyasha’s forehead, “You know if your not feeling well-“

“I feel fine!”

Souta smiled again in amusement at Inuyasha’s unusually nervous behavior, he wrapped his arms around Inuyasha’s neck and burred his head into Inuyasha’s chest with a yawn. Feeling the comforting satisfaction of holding on to a warm, firm body, it was soothing. “I wish I could just go back to sleep.”

Inuyasha rested his arms behind his head and let his eyes drift to the window, watching rain drops splatter against the glass and sheet down. “Well why don’t you?”

“I really have to go to school.” Souta lifted his head and sighed longingly “I wish you could come with me.”

“…” Inuyasha didn’t respond, he didn’t know what to say anyway. He wished Souta would just stay with him, he always did. Everything felt vaguely sullen when he wasn’t around, lonely. Unless he was pre-occupied with something then he would he’d begin to feel restlessly bored and longing for Souta’s company.

“I always miss you…” He said timidly, he looked up at Inuyasha, searching the silent golden eyes for the words he wanted. “It’s weird, I’ve missed people before, I miss people all the time. I miss my mom and Grandpa, I miss my sister…” Souta’s voice trailed off and he looked down thoughtfully.

Inuyasha recognized that thoughtful look, and the way Souta spoke was eluding to something deeply personal. It made Inuyasha nervous, ‘Where is all this coming from? Why is he acting like this?’ Why was he telling him this?!

“I even miss my Dad. But the way I miss them is different then the way I miss you. Is it like that for you?” This was new for him, theses feelings, he wasn’t sure why the same things he had always felt were now so different.

“…Uh…umm…” Inuyasha rubbed the back of his head nervously.

“It’s weird, I get all nervous for no reason, and then my heart gets all fast, a got dizzy once. Is that supposed to happen? I mean, did that ever happen to you?”

Inuyasha was terrified by now, he didn’t know what Souta would say next but he awkwardly knew where this was leading. Damnit, he hated when people said stuff like this, he didn’t understand how they could, he felt completely incapable of it. He got nervous and uneasy just listening to it, how was he supposed to respond. “Well…I uh…” Before he realized it he’d spoke with out thinking, just to detour the question. “Um,no. I mean…I don’t know, why are you asking me this?”

“I don’t know, I was just wondering if I should feel like this.” Souta burred his head in Inuyasha’s chest again. “Maybe I’m getting sick again, or maybe It’s all in my head, I have been seeing things lately.”

“Your not sick.”

“Yeah, I’m not worried about it.” Souta said confidently, “I’m sure you guys can save me again.”

“Hn.”

“…Um…Inuyasha?”

“What?”

“Thanks.”

“Thanks for what?” Inuyasha asked.

“Thanks for always saving me.” Souta lifted his head again, giving Inuyasha a look he couldn’t decipher. “And for being with me.”

Inuyasha became flushed this time, he looked away, just barely managing to keep himself from stammering nervously. “Don’t you have to go to school?” It was all he could say to keep from trying to make a fool of himself by trying to respond to that.

Souta looked out the window, his face lighting up in realization. “Oh man, Houjo’s waiting for me.” He climbed off of Inuyasha, bolting towards the stairs where his bookbag was waiting. He slipped it on to his back, passing by Kouga as the wolf left the kitchen on his way out the door. “Bye you guys.” He bid one last farewell and closed the door shut behind him. 3 steps and he was out of the shelter the roof provided, the cold drops of water pelted the top of his head and his shoulders, running down his face in blurry streaks.

The dark clouds were as thick ever, thunder echoed low and distant in the sky. An inch of water now sat on the stone court yard and splashed with each step he took. Houjo pushed off the side of house where he was waiting, he opened a black umbrella and raised it above his head, “Ready?”

Souta nodded, resting his arms behind his head. “Yeah.”

! - ! - !

Inuyasha let out a sigh of relief now that the awkward moment had passed. If he wasn’t in a bad mood before he certainly was aggravated now after just having made himself look like an idiot in front of Souta.
He had never imagined that anyone would accept him so simply, so completely, without question of the least hint of personal aggrandizement. The truth was that he had—even though he had fought against it—grown to accept the value of himself that his old environment had created in him, and had thought that no other kind of environment was possible. But then there was Souta who idolized him blindly without looking at his faults, who believed unwavering that his worth was far more then even Inuyasha thought it was. He didn’t know how to respond to it,

A sharp, explosive burst of thunder crashed directly over head, shaking the windows and sending vibrations through every surface in the house. “!!” Inuyasha flinched and quickly pressed his ears down against his head, the exceedingly loud sound caused a sharp pain for his sensitive hearing.

He hated rainy days.

Kouga leaned against the wall and looked at Inuyasha with a particular contempt. Like Inuyasha he wasn’t in a good mood, but he’d been fine up until a moment ago, and he had no problem with the rain, in fact he liked it. It was Inuyasha himself that had unwittingly caused this mood in him, and the demeanor of his thoughts began to change as well. Kouga folded his arms. “You’re a bastard you know that?” With those words something in Kouga snapped, all previous inhibitions he had, all adherence he had for the rules, all of it disappeared just that quickly. Kouga grew afraid of just how quickly all of those left him.

Inuyasha glanced over at Kouga, his body was tented in dim shadows and a cold blue light, a watery distortion waved over him as well as the entire wall from the rain sheeting down the windows, the only light. “What the hell are you talking about wolf?”

“You!” Kouga growled, Inuyasha’s ignorant response only intensified his anger. “I’m talking about you!”

Inuyasha’s gaze became careful and suspicious, the wolf’s hands clinched into tight fist, his eyes narrowed, his breathing was growing harder. Kouga was truly angry, and Inuyasha didn’t understand why, ‘What’s with him?’ “What the hell’s wrong with you? I didn’t do anything.”

Kouga felt the familiar anger rising in him seemingly with little cause, it’s grip wrapped around him and embarrassed his entire body with a heat and a focus. In that moment he felt outside of himself, watching this furious person that looked as he did almost as if in a dream. He just kept thinking about Inuyasha and everything he hated about him, and everything he’d done to him, and the fact that he’d never once realized it. ‘What the hell…why am I so mad at him?’ Kouga himself didn’t even realize just how angry he’d become at Inuyasha and why. He’d gotten mad at him for Souta and it continued to rise from there. “Your such an idiot, you don’t even know what you did!”

“You’re the idiot, your screaming about nothing!” Inuyasha shouted back, he lost patience and his questioning expression grew into anger. “What the hell is your problem.”

“You’re my problem Inuyasha.” Kouga growled. At this moment he could only sit back and watch in a dazed awe, wondering what exactly would come out of his mouth next. He was too far gone now, his body seemed to want the anger, it was like something pushed down inside of him was flooding out and there was no way to stop it. It was the strangest feeling he ever had in his life. “You don’t deserve a mate like Souta!” He growled in contempt.

Inuyasha’s eyes widened and for a moment he froze, staring at Kouga with disbelief at those words echoing in his head. “What the fuck did you just say?!” Inuyasha stood up abruptly, his entire body trembling with fury. Those words couldn’t have hurt more coming from anybody besides Kouga, he hated Kouga at the moment, he reached a limit, he wasn’t sure he’d ever been more angry in his life.

“You heard me Inuyasha.” Kouga didn’t waver an inch, he stood fast, trembling eyes glaring at the half-breed. “I don’t know why he likes an idiot like you.”

“You little bastard!” Inuyasha growled. He did not really know just where the oppressing feeling of shame and anger that now enveloped him had come from, it had just been there, and made itself present the moment Kouga spoke of Souta. Each time he had come in contact with Kouga it rose inside of him hot and hard, never completely gone. Why was it that Kouga was the only one that could make him feel this way, it never failed, how was it possible for Kouga to make him feel so insignificant with out even trying. “I should fucking kill you where you stand!”

Inuyasha’s anger only made his own grow stronger, his throat tightened and he could feel sweat forming on his skin and dripping down his back, his heart was pounding in his ears. He stood face to face with Inuyasha, glaring hatefully into the golden eyes. The anger blinded him, Inuyasha was like a stranger to him, he couldn’t remember exactly who Inuyasha was or what reasons he didn’t hate him, he only knew the reasons he did. “That kids more in love with you then he knows, and you don’t really care!”

“Of course I care about him!” Inuyasha felt compelled to argue and dissuade this notion, he had something to prove but he didn’t know what it was. He didn’t know what made him strive so hard against Kouga. “Your still mad he chose me over you! That’s what this is about!”

Wind whipped harshly outside, pushing against the windows and making them rattle. Lighting shot through the sky and crashed down to the ground nearby, sending a glaring flash flooding into the room enough to hurt Inuyasha’s eyes. The first, soft crackle of thunder sent a chill down his spine, then it grew explosively louder quickly enough to make Inuyasha flinch from the pain to his ears. It was like a train barreling past, everything shook.

“You damn idiot!” Kouga snarled. “Your just scared!” Maybe he did still feel something for Souta, maybe Inuyasha was right and he was still angry that Souta chose him. He didn’t feel as strongly about Souta as he did Houjo, but he had a great affection for the boy, he cared about him, and he felt protective of him. “Your scared! How the hell is gonna be your mate if you don’t even acknowledge him!” It made him angry to see him act that way towards Souta, but this…this was complete hate if he ever felt it. This shouldn’t have made him this mad… Kouga couldn’t even figure out why he was so angry but he couldn’t stop himself.

“I’m not scared of anything!” Inuyasha shouted back defensively, “You just talk to much!” He hated Kouga because he was right and he knew it, he wanted to reach out and strangle him because his words made him feel guilty. He had never met anyone like Kouga, so direct, so easy in the expression of his feelings. Inuyasha had come from a place, a world where feelings were never expressed, except in rage or the dread of battle, where every one lived locked in his own dark world, going about their own business completely shielding themselves from everyone else and avoiding everything that might cause them to open up. But Kouga was bold in a way he couldn’t be, and Souta was everything he himself wasn’t. “What the hell is wrong with you Kouga! If you say that again and you’re a dead man.” He growled dangerous!”

Pale blue light surrounded Kouga’s body and the wavering of distorted sheets of water washing down the windows projected on to his face. Inuyasha had never seen him like this, he couldn’t have been this angry over Souta.

“My problem is you!” Kouga shouted as loudly as his voice could carry him, his body was so wrought with fury he couldn’t stop himself from trembling. His voice became shaky. “I hate you, you fucking mutt!” Kouga’s face twitched in rage, sent a hard punch to the side of Inuyasha’s face as hard as he could.

He hadn’t even thought of doing that, not once, he was completely focused on screaming at Inuyasha and then his mind went blank, completely bare of thoughts as if he blacked out. Then all of a sudden his arm was in motion, Inuyasha had been struck and he froze, his anger suspended for the moment for complete awe, unable to believe or to contemplate how his body had moved of it’s own accord. He looked down at his hand, still balled into a fist, clinched tightly enough to cause his entire arm to shake. Then he watched as Inuyasha stumble backwards a step, his dimly lit, cold blue form was painted with a flash of lighting from the dark sky, and thunder crashed overhead. It didn’t help him! He was still angry! He still hated him just as much!

“Don’t call me that…” Inuyasha’s eyes shifted back to Kouga in a menacing glare, in one swift move he reached out and grabbed Kouga’s neck, then with a loud outcry he threw Kouga with all of strength. “DON’T CALL ME THAT!”

Kouga felt his back strike a hard surface, the door, but it gave way and burst open, letting him spill out side and fall on the wet ground nearly hard enough to knock the air out of his lungs. He was on his back, surrounded by an inch of accumulated water, being pelted with a torrent of cold drops of rain that soaked him in an instant, staring up at the dark, looming clouds overhead. Strong winds whipped around, creating waves on the surface of the pooled water and changing the rain’s direction. It was dark, the lack of early morning light with a blocked sky made it seem more like a cloudy night then any moment of day. The sheer amount of rain in the air falling at once made visibility little more then a few feet. He growled under his breath and rolled on to his stomach, pushing himself on to his feet.

Inuyasha bolted after him in furry. He hated when Kouga called him that. Sure Kouga had called him that many times before, but when he said it in that way it cut deep. The truth was that he was always trying to prove himself to Kouga, because he was only a half-demon and Kouga wasn’t. He didn’t accept his human ancestry but he wasn’t accepted by the demons. Kouga was always looking down on him, everyone was always looking down on him, until he couldn’t take it and he resented everything. But none of them mattered, it was Kouga who mattered. He hated it the most when Kouga looked down on him in that arrogant way. He kept trying, he grew stronger, he beat more full-blooded demons then he could count, but it was never enough. It seemed that no matter how strong he became, no matter how much he tried to be better than Kouga, because of his birthright, Kouga would always look down on him.

Thunder roared loudly in the sky, blocking out all sound and leaving their ears ringing.

Kouga’s usually graceful and agile steps were hard with rage, pounding into the ground with large splashes, he had yet to regain his former speed, but at the same time Inuyasha had yet to regain all of his strength and stamina. He grabbed Inuyasha by his shoulders, feeling the water drip out of his clothing from the grip, and drove his head into Inuyasha’s. “Fucking bastard.” He growled, driving his head into Inuyasha’s one more time while the Hanyou was still stunned.

Inuyasha drove his fist into Kouga’s stomach, making the wolf keel over and nearly fall to his knees from the wide spread pain. Inuyasha threw a second punch, Kouga leaned back and easily evaded it countered with another punch of his own. Inuyasha caught Kouga’s fist with a vise like grip, hard enough to slowly and painfully begin crushing his hand. Kouga grunted in pain and reached out for Inuyasha’s arm, but he wasn’t fast enough, before he knew it, Inuyasha’s other wet hand slammed into his head and latched on. Then he slammed him face first into the ground in an upheaval of water. “Whose the goddamn mutt now!” He growled.

Kouga roared viciously, struggling with every bit of his might, throwing water everywhere in his attempt to push the Hanyou off. Inuyasha couldn’t contain him, he’d never seen so much energy, he’d never seen Kouga so persistent, but it only enticed his anger, he wouldn’t let him beat him! He’d show him! “Fuck off!” Kouga shouted, and with one sharp roll he sent Inuyasha tumbling off of his back and crashing to the ground.

Kouga staggered pushed himself off the ground, his bare feet nearly slipping on the wet stone, and little more then fell on to Inuyasha, reaching for his throat in a blind rage. Inuyasha kicked him off with both feet, throwing him at lest a foot and a half into the air. Inuyasha rolled on to his side and stood while Kouga arched backwards and flipped sloppily in the air, landing on his feet. “I’ll show you! “ Inuyasha shouted over the driving rain and howling winds. “You think your so much better then me!” Inuyasha pried away the fire rat coat and his shirt, drenched enough to weight him down and hamper his movements, and threw them furiously aside with complete disregard.

There was in the air a silent mockery that challenged him. It was not Kouga’s hate he felt, it was something deeper then that. He sensed that in Kouga’s attitude toward him he had gone beyond hate.

“Why don’t you just die already!” Kouga recklessly charged towards him, wanting nothing more then to get his hands on Inuyasha and rip him apart, to beat him until there was nothing left of him solid enough to strike. His rage was all consuming, growing increasingly hotter. Inuyasha threw a punch in that slow and cumbersome way, and Kouga slipped past it, Inuyasha took a step back and this time struck Kouga on the side of his face. He didn’t even feel it, he felt nothing but the cold rain and his pounding heart. Kouga grabbed Inuyasha’s head with both hands and leapt forward, driving his knee into the Hanyou’s face hard enough to draw blood in a deep splatter. Keeping his tight hold on Inuyasha’s head, he pulled backwards, sending Inuyasha falling forward off balance, and they both tumbled on to the ground, rolling in a wet jumble until Kouga was on top of him. “I hate you!” He screamed, as a child might have, only with a loud, furious voice he put everything into. He didn’t care about anything else anymore, the anger, the pure hate that swelled in his chest and filled him with a raging energy and determination drove him forward.

“I fucking hate you!” Kouga roared, pounding into Inuyasha with every bit of his weight and strength behind each one. Rain pored down his face and clouded his eyes, streaming to his chin and finally dripping off.

Inuyasha reached up and grabbed on to Kouga’s shoulders, his claws digging into the flesh and drawing warm blood, Kouga could be heard hissing in pain. He pulled Kouga down towards him and slammed their heads together hard enough to disorient both of them. “!!” Kouga groaned loudly and fell backwards off of Inuyasha before he even realized he was leaning backwards. “Son of bitch!” Inuyasha yelled in pain and anger, the cold rain pounded into the now gashing wound on his forehead, diluted pink streams washed down the side of his face. Inuyasha pried his eyes open as he struggled to stand, there was an immense satisfaction that came when he saw the small streams of blood start to trickle down Kouga’s back and between his eyes. He wanted more, damnit! He wanted to make him feel every bit of the resentment he felt for him right now and more! At the moment he didn’t care if he nearly killed himself in his actions. If only he could cower Kouga into awe, into fear of him and his half-human blood and his inferiority! He’d show him!

Inuyasha snarled and pushed forward, quickly closing the few inches that divided them, he reached out for him, wanting more then ever to take hold of his neck and strangle him, he could almost feel the tight muscle in his hands. His thinking and feeling in this way made the choking tightness rising from the pit of his stomach to his throat slacken a little. Inuyasha’s stomach tightened as though he were expecting a blow and were getting ready for it, his fist clinched harder as it plunged towards Kouga. In a split second he hit Kouga squarely in the mouth, drawing blood.

“Your not gonna win!” Kouga leaned back and avoided Inuyasha’s second blow. “I’m gonna get you!” Kouga crouched and slipped underneath Inuyasha third strike and he bolted forward as fast as he could underneath Inuyasha’s outstretched arm. He slipped past the Hanyou’s to his side quickly wrapping his arms around Inuyasha directly underneath Inuyasha’s arms, his claws digging into Inuyasha’s skin. ”I’m going fucking kill you!” He screamed and pulled back lifting Inuyasha off the ground, lighting flashed brightly above the clouds as he dragged the heavy body through the dark saturated air and slammed him on to head. Thunder cracked above him in an explosive burst, hurting Kouga’s ears.


“!!” Inuyasha kicked his way out of Kouga’s arms and rolled on to his side, a thick layer of water streamed off of his face and out of his hair, clinching his head tightly and felt blood there. He could see a splatter For a moment the world tilted and spun, making it hard to move let alone stand, the pain made it hard to focus. But he didn’t need to think. His chest ached with the need for air, but it didn’t reach him, his mind barely noticed the pain. He had not felt anything except sullen anger and a crushing sense of shame in the face of Kouga.

Kouga climbed to his knees, the driving, cold rain that stuck his back made him shiver and tense. Houjo’s barrowed clothes cling to his body tightly, drenched with water, he growled and quickly wiped the water and blood from his eyes. “Damn mutt!” He spat venomously, his pupils trembled in furry making it hard to see.

Inuyasha felt his anger pushing out of him, like boiling water bubbling up he screamed angrily, hysterically “I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!” He pushed off the ground and staggered forward, each step kicked up a dash of water.

Kouga could barely see Inuyasha through the darkness and rain but he didn’t care, he needed only to get close enough to touch him and he go blind for all he cared. “NOT IF I DO IT FIRST!” Kouga shouted back with an anger far greater then Inuyasha’s, he pushed forward and bolted towards Inuyasha, quickly managing to grab Inuyasha’s shoulders before the other could strike him. He pushed but Inuyasha didn’t waver, instead Inuyasha grabbed Kouga’s arms and pushed back. The two locked together and grappled fiercely with each other, pushing as hard as there bodies would allow. Kouga stared with furry into Inuyasha’s eyes, refusing to back down. His arms began to ache as though they were being crushed, his legs burned. “Go to hell.” Kouga said, his fangs showed visibly and he growled like a wild animal, his voice strained and shaking.

Even in his own furry Inuyasha could see that Kouga’s anger went far deeper then his own, he was blind, out of control. He was a raging inferno, and Inuyasha had no idea what thing could be great enough to fuel it.

Kouga felt his foot began to slip, and Inuyasha started to gain leverage over him, he could feel Inuyasha start to push down on him and his own legs start to buckle. He was losing, he was always loosening, Inuyasha was stronger then he was, Inuyasha was always stronger then he was! It was madding! No matter how hard he tried, Inuyasha was always stronger, Inuyasha was always better. Kagome, Souta, Inuyasha always beat him out! Damnit! He couldn’t take this! He was always losing, he was never strong enough, and nothing he did was ever enough! He couldn’t save his pack, he couldn’t protect Ginta and Hakkaku, hell, he was nearly dead a few weeks ago, and now he was little more then half of what he was! His heart was crushed, his spirit was gone, he didn’t have anything left! All there was now was this oppressing emptiness and swallowing sadness.

Kouga pushed back with all of his strength, “No, fucking way! There’s no fucking way I’m gonna lose to a bastard mutt like you!” It was infuriating, an utter frustration that let him wrought with hatred. Thunder echoed across the clouds and lighting stretched down, illuminating everything for a split second. “You won’t beat me!”

“DAMNIT!” Inuyasha lurched forward in furry, with one sharp burst he pushed Kouga down, sending the wolf sliding backwards, his body plowing through the water with a loud slouch. “I’ll show you a bastard mutt!” He fumed, cursing Kouga. He wasn’t a mutt! He wasn’t some mistake! He’d resolved to show Kouga just how inferior he was, he’d beat him until the sight of him made him freeze in fear! Then he’d see, then he’d respect him!

Kouga coughed violently, expelling the water that had swamped his lungs and burned his throat as he spit it back up. He quickly wiped water from his eyes and his blurry vision cleared, his eyes burned now, becoming blurry again. “!!’ Inuyasha hurtled towards him and stomped down on his chest hard. Kouga screamed out in pain as he was crushed against the ground and the air was expelled from his lungs. He gasped sharp and inhaled wet, rain filled air, the water pounding down on his face relentlessly from above made him feel like he was drowning, it was impossible to take a breathe with out drawing it in. He coughed again. “F-Fuck!” He coughed. Inuyasha stomped down on him again, this time Kouga caught his foot and pushed against him, causing Inuyasha to stumble backwards.

Inuyasha dawned on him just as Kouga rolled on to his knees, the wolf roared ferociously as he whirled around towards Inuyasha, dragging his leg along the ground in sweep kick. He was too far to hit Inuyasha, but sent a wall of water clear water flying off the ground and crashing into Inuyasha, it was enough to throw the Hanyou off while Kouga turned and drove a hard kick into Inuyasha’s stomach, throwing him backwards.

Inuyasha landed on his feet and bolted forward again, muddled in rage. “Your dead Kouga!” He growled.

“Go to hell!” Kouga shouted back. Both punched at each other and missed, they slipped past each and their arms locked into each other. Immediately Inuyasha reached over with his other arm to grab a hold of Kouga, but was already in motion. Kouga latched on to Inuyasha’s arm tightly and leapt upward, flipping around completely and landing on Inuyasha’s back with a hard kick that sent him crashing to the ground. In an instant Kouga grabbed Inuyasha’s neck with one hand and began pounding hard punches into the back of his head with the other.

Inuyasha sent his elbow crashing back into Kouga’s chest and knocked him off. They both were quickly on their feet, Lighting branched through the sky overhead with a blinding flash, followed by another sharply explosive bust of thunder, like a cannon. Kouga flinched at the sound that left his ears ringing, “!!” When he opened his eyes again Inuyasha was dangerously close to him and still charging, by then he only had time to flinch again before Inuyasha’s hand grabbed his neck and tugged him roughly off of the ground. Then he was slammed, headlong toward the ground, sensing his body hurtling through the wet, icy air. His eyes were shut and his hands were clinching Inuyasha’s arm in a futile attempt to pry his grip lose. He was in the air a moment; then he hit a second later before he fully realized he’d been falling at all. It seemed at first that he hit softly, but the shock of it went through him, up his back and to his head, jarring him and he lay half buried in a cold pool of water an inch deeper then before.

Lighting flashed in a streak and a flare of light in the sky over head and the harsh winds rattled through the trees in the deafening rush of thousands of whispers. The sound of the rain pounding into the accumulated water was almost deafening, it was hard to hear one’s own thoughts.

“Bastard!” Inuyasha yelled. He could imagine it now even as he stared at the dazed Kouga bellow him, he could beat Kouga at everything there was and Kouga would simply say ‘At least I’m not a mutt.’ “Don’t look down on me!” He pulled Kouga on to his knees and wrapped his arms around Kouga’s neck, and cloaked him just as his hands had longed to this entire fight. Kouga didn’t care about him, Inuyasha though spitefully, then Kouga could watch him not care either. He couldn’t figure out why he ever did, and felt stupid and betrayed for ever doing so in the first place.

Kouga’s eyes shot open and his hands grabbed on to Inuyasha’s arms and pulled with all their might. He felt his throat squeeze shut and his body continue to trying to draw in air when there was none to be had. Then…‘…’ Kouga’s hands slowly released Inuyasha’s arms and fell limply to his side…Why bother? He felt his anger sudden disappear, like a switch had been turned off, where there had been light and substance there now was darkness and emptiness. He only stared out on the dark horizon and felt the rain falling on to his head and shoulders. ‘I’m losing.’ He thought calmly and rationally. ‘I always lose to Inuyasha.’ What was he still trying for? ‘Why…was I so angry…?’ He tried to contemplate it while the little air he had remained, being cloaked was painful but none of the pains on his body seemed to reach him, he couldn’t even draw up the will to fight back. He could already feel himself getting dizzy. ‘It’s cold…’

His eyes fell closed and he lost consciousness.

It was another minute before Inuyasha realized Kouga was limp beneath him and looked down at the wolf, noticing that there wasn’t a hint of motion. “What…the hell…” Inuyasha felt the wind change direction and send the rain blowing into his back. He slowly eased his grip and let go, watching Kouga fall lifelessly on to his side. The rush of energy and enthralling excitement faded with his anger as he watched Kouga lay there. “He… let go.” He said softly to himself. “Why did he let go?” His voice became low, trembling. He felt empty now. Thoughts of his actions ran haphazardly though his head, he could almost feel the anger again that had consumed him while he kept going even after Kouga had simply given up. Such a thing felt to ruthless, it felt heartless, it felt…wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Everything in him felt wrong! He couldn’t believe he’d let himself get out of control like that… Inuyasha fell to his knees and watched Kouga as if the wolf would some how pop up. He could do nothing but stare in disbelief as the realization became stronger and stronger. “You gave up…You gave up…”

Kouga gave up.

A guilt came over him so strongly it was nauseating, it quelled at the bottom of his stomach until he nearly vomited. He should have realized that and stopped, he shouldn’t have been fighting with him in the first place. “Damnit.” He shouldn’t have felt this way, he should have felt satisfied, but he felt sick for what he’d done. ‘He started it!’ He argued with himself, ‘It was him, he was out of his damn mind!’ The rain fell against his bare back, rolling down his sides. Lighting streaked across the sky and stuck the ground quicker then his eyes could follow, flooding everything in it’s light with multiple flashes.

He hated rainy days.

Inuyasha pounded his fist against the ground sending a splash of water against his chest, his mind tormented with frustration. “Damnit Kouga! Why do you have to be this way!” He shouted, staring at Kouga as if he would get an answer, none came. He was angry at Kouga, furious even, but he knew about Kouga’s temper, he understood it even. He wanted to hate Kouga right now, if he did he wouldn’t care and he wouldn’t feel so horrible, but he only hated himself He felt as if he’d committed an unatonable wrong, he hurt his friend… “Kouga…”

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A dull headache a companied Kouga when he reawakened, the more aware he became, the more pain he preserved from other parts of his body. His legs were strained from all of the movement of the fight, he shifted them slightly and felt a pain flare up, making it clear he wouldn’t be moving until they were rested. The rest were not an insurmountable inconvenience and were to be expected from a fight. He opened his eyes slowly, his vision was greeted by the dark, shadowy ceiling, he could still hear the splatter of rain drops against the window and the howl of wind rustling through trees out side though it was not as intense as before.

‘…’ He was cold, and his body trembled slightly, he felt the familiar wetness surrounding him and knew it was his clothing still clinging to him, nearly dry. His throat hurt, as if something had been scraping the insides of them, he wasn’t sure if it was from all of the screaming or it was the beginning of a cold. He lifted his head slightly and looked around, he was laying on the living room floor, Inuyasha was sitting above him with his back to him. ‘Inuyasha…’ He didn’t know if he was ready to face him yet, he wasn’t ready to face anyone at all. He didn’t want to speak, he didn’t want to say anything or do anything, he just want to sleep. He was wide awake and all fatigue had left him, he just simply didn’t want to be consciousness to—Kouga inhaled sharply and sneezed.

“?” Inuyasha turned around questioningly and his eyes locked with Kouga’s. “…” They both froze with uncertainty, memories of what had just happened a few hours prior running through their minds. Neither of them spoke, Inuyasha didn’t know what to say, and Kouga didn’t want to speak at all.

Kouga took another sharp inhale and sneezed again, sniffling a bit before he laid his head back down and stared at the ceiling. His personality was numb, reduced to a lumpish, loose, dissolved sate. He felt as if he was a non-man, something that knew vaguely that it was a living breathing being, but felt that it was not. He didn’t feel anything at all.

“Feeling any better.” Inuyasha finally spoke, in his nervous, tense way. Maybe it was a bit cheap to as something like that now, it certainly felt that way to him.

“I guess.” Talking consumed more of his energy then he expected, what little will he had to do anything more then lay there diminished with each word.

Inuyasha wasn’t exactly willing to talk to him either. A long silence spread between and Inuyasha suffered through it, until he could take it no more and had to speak to fill the gap. The question burned in his mind along side anger, he wanted to know too badly not to ask. “Why?”

Kouga continued to stare, his eyes lost focus and his vision began to grow blurry and he blinked. “Why?”

“Why did you go off like that?” Inuyasha rubbed the back of his head and looked away timidly.

He must have seen brutal and desperate to him now that he thought about it, Kouga had never thought himself as being so, and now he was appalled at how he was regarded. He didn’t even feel as though he had been the one doing it, it was more like being asleep and dreaming it all. Maybe he was still asleep. “You, I was mad at you.”

That was an understatement. Inuyasha still didn’t understand where that could have come from, he’d never seen Kouga like that, he’d never been that angry before. “Why? I didn’t do anything to you.”

That was decidedly the wrong thing to say, and Kouga had an inkling that he should have been angry at that, that Inuyasha still had no idea all the reasons he’d resented him. But he wasn’t, he still felt nothing, empty. “I didn’t know exactly why at first, but I started to get it…I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t stand always losing to you, I couldn’t stand being weak like this.” He said. “You always win Inuyasha and you don’t even realize it. You haven’t had everything taken away from you, you have Kagome, Souta chose you as a mate, hell he was always yours.” Even now as he explained it as best he could he could sense that Inuyasha didn’t completely grasp the full extent of his anger’s source. But that was alright, he didn’t care. He’d packed all of his anger and his sadness and his fears down inside of him for so long, and now he’d snapped and it all came spilling out like a broken dam and now he was empty. “I guess it really pissed me off to see you just brushing him off like that.”

“Souta…” Inuyasha had seen Kouga, always bold and outspoken, Kouga had a confidence he himself didn’t have and it amazed him some times. He couldn’t be affectionate like Kouga, he couldn’t say things like he could, his confidence only came in anger and jealousy. He was brimming with a passion but he was too unsure and ashamed to speak it or act on it. Inuyasha began to be aware of himself as a distinct personality striving against others. He held himself in, afraid to act or speak until he was completely sure of his surroundings, feeling most of the time that he was suspended over a void.

“…” Inuyasha was silent for a moment, then he looked at Kouga with a uncertain querying, wanting to ask but afraid at the same time. “Why do you always look down on me?” He asked resentfully. He hated asking anything that might reveal how much it had hurt him when he could have simply disregarded his actions as retaliating against the disrespectful and Kouga would have been none the wiser. He hate opening himself up at all, it was always shameful and awkward and left him feeling stupid because he didn’t possess the means to articulate it even when he had the courage.

Kouga felt his vision starting to blur and his eyes beginning to itch, he lacked the energy and will to lift his hands and wipe them, so he simply blinked the obstruction away and felt a wetness running down the side of his face. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about.” Inuyasha spat accusingly. “You always do it, you always act like your better then me, you always act like I’m no good.” No matter what he did, no matter how strong he became, no matter what he learned. Everyone always looked down on him, Kouga always looked down at him, Inuyasha felt as though he could change the entire world and Kouga wouldn’t give him a second glance. He wanted some acknowledgement, at the very lest he wanted some respect, so he yelled and screamed and fought to make him pay attention. He acted tough to show his strength, he lashed out at everything that didn’t give him the things he sought, he always lashed out at Kouga. Words lost their usual meanings. Simple motives took on sinister colors. Attitudes under went quick and startling transformations.

Kouga clinches his eyes shut and pried them open again, but the blur always returned and he felt a wet itch sliding down the side of his face almost continuously. “No I don’t.” He said simply. He grew confused at the burring in his eyes that wouldn’t stop, and his chest felt as though a weight was pushing down on it making it hard to breath. His throat grew tight and sore and his eyes started to burn.

“Yes you do. Your always looking down on me because I’m only a half demon.” Inuyasha’s voice grew softer, he drew in his legs and rested his arms on his knees, suddenly feeling more comfortable more withdrawn. He felt like a hurt child, as timid as speaking about this made him. Why couldn’t he have his usual confidence, why was this so damn hard!

Inuyasha’s words reminded him of a time back in his den when Inuyasha had punched him for saying something very similar to what he’d said before. He finally understood it now. “No, I don’t. Half demon or not, you were always just mutt to me.” Kouga said simply. His words flowed as freely as water, he had nothing left to hold them back, his usually feverously strong pride was completely absent, he felt dead, he couldn’t feel anything that made him who he was.

Inuyasha looked up reluctantly. “…Really?” He didn’t believe it, he couldn’t believe it. He’d felt so bellow the wolf demon for so long, he had felt as though Kouga had thought he was inferior and he’d always hated him for that since he’d met him. It was hard for him to believe that he’d spent all this time thinking that, and Kouga had stopped seeing him that way who knows how long ago. It couldn’t be that –

“Sorry.” Kouga said.

He was apologizing. Inuyasha’s guilt grew even stronger, he felt sick again. “I’m…sorry too…” He forced out.

A silence grew between them. But it wasn’t long before it was broken again.

“…Kouga?” Inuyasha leaned forward and looked at the wolf closer. It had been harder to make out all of the wolf’s features in this dim, cold light and shadowy room, but when he’d heard Kouga’s shivers grow stronger he was drawn to look at him closer. ‘He’s crying…?’ Inuyasha could only stare down in disbelief and questioning, wondering how Kouga could be really crying with such a blank, lifeless look on his face. Did he even realize he was crying? And why did he look so devoid…deadened. “Are you…”

“I…don’t know.” Kouga’s eyes didn’t waver from the ceiling, his voice didn’t rise or decline, there was nothing in his words besides a questioning of his own. He was crying…why? He didn’t feel sad, he didn’t feel anything, so why? “I don’t know why I’m doing this all of a sudden.”

“…” Inuyasha didn’t know why either, and it scared him, even more so because he’d seen Kouga like this before. A previous incident with Kouga’s temper had ended like this, with this same look, with those same tears, with out Kouga even realizing he was crying. The look on his face had always been disturbing, and it was no less so to Inuyasha now. “Why are you crying?”

Wind blew audibly against the window, intensifying the sound of rain for a moment. Thunder rolled through the skies, retreating from them a bit, and the flash of thunder that flooded the room with light was not as intense as before.

“I don’t know.” Kouga repeated. “I don’t feel like crying, I don’t feel sad at all.” He made no effort to wipe the tears distorting his vision, the burning in his eyes grew stronger, making him clinch his eyes shut for a moment. His breathing grew more intense, it became harder and hard to take in each new breath. “I don’t feel anything actually.” Apparently his body knew something he didn’t.

Inuyasha leaned over him, staring down into his eyes with worry. He wanted to say something, he always wanted to say something, Kouga had been simply drifting, out of it ever since that day… Inuyasha wanted to say something but he couldn’t seem to find the courage too, so he sat there, staring, his mouth slightly open, trying to say words that simply wouldn’t come.

Kouga watched Inuyasha’s eyes searching his and couldn’t help but understand him vaguely, he always understood him in some way or another. “…”

“Why don’t you just take a few deep breaths or something.” Inuyasha shifted his eyes toward the window uneasily when he spoke, just talking about this made him nervous.

Kouga didn’t bother to point out the fact that at this point that was the only way he was getting any air at all. “I don’t think that’s gonna help…”

“Then…” Inuyasha looked down at him again, carefully. “Just try to calm down.” Inuyasha slipped his arms under Kouga’s shoulders, feeling the nearly healed indentations where he’d dug his claws before, and slowly eased him up right.

Kouga stared down at his lap, watching left over tears spill out of his eyes and fall onto his hands. Sitting up helped a bit, he started to feel a bit more like himself. “Yeah…Ok…” Kouga lifted his head weakly and stared at the window where rain sheeted down in a hypnotic blur. “What else you got?”

“Huh?”

Kouga glanced over his shoulder. “Come on, don’t stop now, it’s working.” Apparently Inuyasha had much more of an effect then he first thought.

“Uh…Um…” Inuyasha rubbed the back of his head. “Think of something.”

“If I could think of something I wouldn’t be asking.” Kouga replied in the same blank, lifeless voice.

Maybe he was tired, was the first thing to come to Inuyasha’s mind, it was all he could liken Kouga’s state to above death. “No, I mean really think of something, just focus on something and keep thinking about it.” Inuyasha suggested.

“Like what?”

“Um…” The first thing that came to Inuyasha’s mind was, “Souta. Think of him, or Houjo.” It was fitting, since this whole thing started over him. As angry as he had been, Inuyasha had all but forgotten it now, he just wanted Kouga back to normal, and over all he wanted to help. It was some duty bound sense of loyalty that drove him.

“…” Kouga lifted his head and stared at the ceiling, a trace of inquisition in his eyes. “I guess I could…” He began thinking about the boy, his demeanor, his personality. “I wonder…is he really seeing the things he says it does?”

“Oh, that.” Inuyasha shrugged. “Well he’s not lying…”

“Of course not…but maybe he’s imagining things, or he’s just dreaming.” Kouga said. He rested his hands in his lap, his fingers playing gently with each either.

“Maybe… Or…”

“What?”

“Maybe he really is seeing stuff, I mean Kagome has powers, they both can see jewel shards, and since he can’t use sacred arrows…maybe this is his.” Inuyasha said.

“He has been getting stronger, maybe that’s what’s bringing this stuff out.” Kouga shifted around a bit, then wrapped his arms and round his chest and dropped his head. He could feel just how much he trembled and small Goosebumps developed over his skin. He became silent, he closed his eyes and let his mind become blank, all of his energy seemed to have faded and his entire body felt as though it were lagging. He was far too distracted to hold up a conversation, but at lest he wasn’t crying anymore.

“You ok?” Inuyasha asked. He could hear Kouga’s breathes trembling.

“I’m freezing.”

Inuyasha reached a finger out timidly and felt Kouga’s arm, he couldn’t tell if he was wet or really just cold. “Why don’t you take off those wet clothes?”

“And put on what?”

“The hell if I know, but your just gonna keep getting colder if you wear wet clothes.” Inuyasha said. “That’s common sense.”

Kouga stared over his shoulder at Inuyasha him with uncertainty, but eventually he relented, if he didn’t have the energy to hold a conversation far too tired to argue. With a small nod he slipped his fingers underneath Houjo’s brown shirt and slowly began pealing it off of him. It clung to his torso, slipping off with an audible *sulck* before he tossed it aside. Then Kouga began to stand, taking a long time to climb to his feet before pausing again to glance back at Inuyasha almost as if to make sure he was doing the right thing.

A spark of remembrance struck him, while sitting there watching Kouga he realized it would have been pointless having him take off wet clothes and still remain wet. “I’ll be right back.” He leapt on to his feet and ran up the shadowy stairs.

Kouga watched the place where he went for a moment in questioning, before he shrugged to himself and went about his task. The button on Houjo’s black pants seemed to remain painstakingly lodged into place no matter how much his cold fingers tried to work it out of it’s grove. It was strange, he’d done this a thousand times when Houjo had pants on, he figured he was pretty good at getting them off by now. He watched his hands fiddle with the waistband of the pants, feeling completely detached. The world was a dream.

He felt no colder with the shirt on then with it without, just the sound of the rain made his shivering grow more intense. Some how he managed to get the pants to bend to his commands and by the time he looked up they were around his ankles before he even really noticed he was completely naked. He still wasn’t any colder.

Inuyasha paused at the top of the stairs and watched Kouga regretfully, he generally wouldn’t have allowed himself to watch a completely bare Kouga like this but he looked so lost. Standing there, shivering with his arms hanging loosely at his side and his body idle, staring out the window almost as if he didn’t know where he was, even his tail was lifeless. Inuyasha immediately likened him to like a lost puppy, it was the only thing that came to mind when he saw him. “Lost puppy…” He subconsciously said to himself

Kouga’s ears twitched and he glanced back over his shoulder towards Inuyasha. “Huh?”

“I…uh…” Inuyasha rubbed the back of his head and quickly came down the stairs with the hopes that Kouga hadn’t caught him watching, his eyes downcast on his feet the entire time.

“What’d you say?”

Inuyasha took the towel in his hands and threw it over Kouga’s shoulders before looking away. “I was saying…you look like a lost puppy.” He half mumbled. “Do you even know where you are right now?”

Kouga pulled the towel off of his shoulders and began dabbing it over his entire body, even with Inuyasha’s presence he was strangely absence of shame, so he wasn’t particularly embarrassed about standing here like this. He actually had to think about the question, he hesitated and Inuyasha saw it. “Yes.” Kouga finally said.

Inuyasha folded his arms, “I’d be surprised if you could tell me your name right now puppy.” Inuyasha snickered lightly. Though this didn’t seem to get that much of a rouse out of Kouga, and it worried him. He’d keep trying, maybe he’d entice something out of him yet.

Kouga wrapped the damp towel around his waist, he could feel the cold air surrounding him, chilling him. “You couldn’t find anything better then this?”

“That was the best I could do.” Inuyasha said defensively. “There’s nothing else up there, if you don’t believe me you can look for yourself.”

“…” Kouga sat down and felt as though a great weight had been lifted off of him, he simply had no energy. He sensed some might come if he got up and moved around a bit but he didn’t possess the will to. His entire body shuttered and he wrapped his arms around his chest, “Aren’t you cold?”

Inuyasha shook his head, “Not really.”

Kouga stared down in his lap and closed his eyes, the sound of the rain scattered what senses he had left. Nothing came to his mind, he didn’t feel like thinking, the sound of rain flowed in freely and took the place of his thoughts to focus on. “?” He flinched when he felt warm hands press against his back, he looked up at Inuyasha curiously.

“Geez you really do look like a puppy.” Inuyasha grunted, he softly rubbed his hands across Kouga’s back, generating friction, generating heat. “I couldn’t find anything so this is just gonna have to do.” Inuyasha said, then he paused and looked away. “Unless you don’t want me too…”

“No, go ahead.” Kouga relented, he was to tired to fight it, not that he wanted to. The heat Inuyasha granter him by just being near made him feel better, it brought back vague memories of their time trapped in that hole. Not full, vivid memories, more like feelings and sensations and hazy recollections of the actions that brought them about. He remembered wrapping his arms round Inuyasha and holding on to him tightly and that was all… He liked the familiar feeling, it was comforting.

Inuyasha did his best to warm Kouga for a while, until 30 minutes had passed and Kouga was having trouble keeping himself consciousness. He fell backwards onto Inuyasha with the grace of a drunkard passing out.

Inuyasha froze nervously, he stared down at Kouga, watching his half lidded eyes struggle to stay open, they would slowly draw closed and then shoot open half way a second later. “You alright?” He could feel Kouga continue to shiver, he just wasn’t doing enough.

“I’m…freezing, and tired.” Kouga mumbled, he made no attempt to move. He was certain he was going to kick himself for laying on Inuyasha like this later, but it was so warm and he was so tired, and Inuyasha was so warm and so much softer then the ground.

Inuyasha blushed when he realized Kouga wasn’t moving, ‘Is he… asleep?’ Inuyasha was still for longer then he would have liked to be with indecision. He wanted to push Kouga off, but he couldn’t ignore the peaceable look on his face, and the subtitle trembling in his breaths. He wondered if it was colder in here then he realized. ‘Damnit.’ Inuyasha timidly wrapped his arms around Kouga and pulled his sagging body up closer.

“Inuyasha?” Kouga’s drossy voice called out.

Apparently he wasn’t as asleep as Inuyasha had thought. “I was just uh” Inuyasha stammered nervously. “…You were so cold and…I’ll put you down if you want.” He finally forced out.

“Thanks…” Kouga let out a deep breath and his head fell limply to the side.

Inuyasha watched him curiously, the worry evident clearly in his eyes for anyone to see. He sighed and shrugged, mumbling some inaudible reply. He rested his back against the couch, with a deep breath he laid his head back on the cushions and clinched his eyes shut. Maybe he himself was tired, maybe that’s why he was acting this way, worrying like this, speaking to Kouga in this manner. Maybe he should sleep too.

Thunder crackled in the sky more distant then ever, this time without any flashes of lighting to accompany it. The rain was still as loud as ever, the sound seemed to com through every wall, surrounding him completely. He could smell the moisture in the air and little else besides Kouga, he could practically feel the cold drops.

He hated rainy days. They were depressing.

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