Blue moon and Red Fire

Chapter 20: Not alone

It was quite, calm, peaceful.

Souta was beginning to realize that there was more to this world then he'd first imagined. He took in deep, quick, panting breathes of the cold morning air as he ran forward head first through the canyons of Kouga's territory, his arms pumping rhythmically at his sides.

He barely looked way from the path strait ahead, he felt no need too, he didn't realize that this was a bad practice not to be completely aware of his surroundings, such a thought never came. Souta had always been tense in this world, a vague, inarticulate fear like a child who thought some unseen danger lurked in the darkness or a creature was under his bed. But such a fear didn't come about here, he felt a homely sense of familiarity when he was around Kouga's den, in Kouga' territory, something that put him off guard, made him forget, even for a little while, how dangerous this place could be. These realizations and decisions of fear and non-fear took place somewhere deeply inside of him and Souta wasn't conscious of it, he simply knew of what his body felt comfortable doing, he didn't even realize the subtle fear wasn't present, it was such a constant part of his nature. He listened to his heavy breaths, watching a streaming white cloud of his breath pour out of his mouth hanging loosely open.

The first dim, orange and pink light poured from the horizon, the first rays of sun shined directly into his eyes, it could barely be considered day. Souta slowed to a dragging pace, wiping away the sweat from his forehead with the back of his wrist, it was cold, and he was aware of it, but his body was hot from the constant exertion he'd been putting it through over the last hour, only his extremities, his fingers and ears seem to be effected. '...' Souta clamped his hands together and began rubbing them vigorously. This had undoubtedly become a routine for him, waking up as early as he could, before anyone else, and start training as best he could on his own, he'd run until he felt like he'd pass out, he'd do push ups until he couldn't lift his arms.

And he'd hope nothing would come about during the rest of the day, hoping even more that all of this work would make even a subtitle difference when he indeed found himself in the middle of a fight.

Souta took gasping, desperate breaths, stumbling against the hard wall of the cliff and falling on to his shoulder against the towering rock. His throat became so dry he couldn't speak if he had tried, and a dull ache throbbed in his lungs that could only be eased with substantial amounts of air that never seemed to be enough. 'I don't think I've ever been up this early.' It was no wonder he couldn't keep his guard up, his mind could just as well have been a million miles away. Only in this place, in Kouga's territory could he have been so calm.

He never could focus.

He had thought that this place was entirely different, from what he'd heard he had believed that his extent here would be, for lack of a better term, action packed. Under constant attack by demons of all different types, wide scale battles, and other things only a child's imagination could conceive when he thought about what he heard and saw the strength of Inuyasha. 'Oh man, what was I thinking...' Souta shook his head, it was nothing like that, it was actually kind of peaceful, and demon attacks were as common as one might find animals in the woods. In hindsight he was glad it wasn't like he'd imagined it, he'd be terrified out of his mind if it was.

'This place is so weird.' He shuttered softly as he caught barely a flicker of something white in the corner of his eye and a familiar chill, devoid from cold, shook it's way through his body. 'Oh man...' Souta quickly turned his head toward the path where he'd came just in time to see the back of someone, a Youkai. Some distant instinct told him that it was a member of Kouga's pack, an instinct he'd been trying to ignore all of his life. He could see the distinct resemblance even from behind, see the resemblance with something more then his eyes. 'Oh man, not again.' He couldn't deny it now, he was wide awake.

But of course he never really denied what he saw, it was always real to him. He was nervous, uneasy, something almost like fear but he wasn't afraid, he'd grown use to it with the same state a mind someone has when charged with the task of taking out the trash, an obligation he didn't want to do. Souta didn't look away. “Why does this keep happening to me?” He said aloud, to himself. But apparently he'd said it much to loud because the less then ghost like figure paused and looked back.

And he heard it, as clearly as he saw the rising sun, but not with his ears. It came into his mind much like like an idea would, much like the solution to an issue he was contemplating. But at the same time it was something distinctly different, something he could easily distinguish from his own and segregate it. “What?”

“!!” Souta flinched in terror, like a child who had just done something they knew they would be punished severely for. “Ghaaa....” Souta pushed himself off the wall and bolted forward along the path as fast as his legs could carry him.

And that was why he found this place odd, ever since he'd arrived he'd been seeing more and more of....that, he was too embarrassed to classify it into what he knew it was. Souta had never seen these things in the daytime, not clearly anyway, just a small glance and realization of what it was and ignored it. He couldn't now, ever since he'd started depending on his sense for the Shikon jewel shard, how could he possible ignore what he was seeing when it was exact same feeling as that one? He couldn't use one without the other if they were the same sense. What had once been like a small, slowly growing leak, was now a raging river. 'What's going on around here?' He wondered, growing tensely anxious, remembering that he hadn't gotten much sleep last night, the noise of the crowd had been so intense it constantly woke him up, and when Inuyasha had actually been there he couldn't stop peaking from under his arm. Finally Souta had just crawled over to Houjo and buried his head in the boy's chest.

Now he hadn't stopped seeing them, or hearing them.

“Hey Souta.”

Souta flinched and turned rigidly around, finding himself staring at Kouga's waist. “Kouga?” Just as a child would forget, his thoughts of what he constantly saw was forgotten when he looked on to Kouga's face. At first he could have simply dismissed it as Kouga being sleepy, but it was so clear even he, with his ignorance to the dept of this world and the deeper meaning in the actions in everyone else. Even he could see that Kouga was off. His usually sharp, bright blue eyes was devoid of their usual smugness, a deadened, distracted, almost thoughtful attribute to them.

Kouga let his arms hang loosely at his side, his tail making a slow sweep every time it began to drift between his legs. He felt a small bit of pride when he looked at Souta, wondering what time he must have woken up come out here and start training as diligently as always. He could at least see some Inuyasha's influence, that everything the Hanyou kept telling him hadn't been wasted effort. When he first met Souta, the boy never looked him in the eye, kept his head down, and his voice was always shy and nervous. But he seemed to have taken to Ginta and Hakkaku in the opposite way. “You know, that's not the way to do it.”

Souta looked up at him questioningly, watching the white cloud of Kouga's breath pour from his mouth and drift away like smoke. His body began to cool and the half frozen numbness in his ears and finger began to ebb through his hands and arms now. “Huh?”

“Your not running from something, take it easy.”Kouga told him.

Souta's face quirked in slight questioning.“Huh? Take it easy? But I'm going as fast as I can.”

“That's my point, you've got to slow down-”

“But wont it take longer?”

“Wont what take longer?”

A blanket of golden orange light slipped up from covered the canyon walls, the rising sun cast a bright illumination over the road. Kouga lifted his head and looked around admiringly, the pink around the outer edges of the sun and the scattered clouds over the horizon created a patchy balance of light and shadow. The mountain gained a red glow that almost made it seem as if it was on fire. “Isn't it going to take longer for me to get fast?” Souta asked childishly

Kouga snorted with light amusement at the notion. “It's not a race, it's not going to happen over night. You gotta find a pace you can do and build your stamina up, or else your just gonna tire yourself out.”

Souta's eyes lowered with disappointment when Kouga told him that, those words endanger a deep desire, a hope in him that if he worked as hard as he could, if he pushed himself hard enough, that the strength he wanted would come to him faster. Something to effect of the childish desire to grow up faster and obtain all of the physical attributes and freedom of adulthood. Then when he had that strength, all of his fear would disappear, then he could be brave like Inuyasha and Kouga were. It couldn't come soon enough, he didn't care if he nearly killed himself, he didn't want to feel weak anymore, he didn't want to be afraid. “...Ok I guess.” He couldn't let go of that hope, he stubbornly clinched it tighter defensively, he couldn't stand to be discouraged from it now.

Kouga laid his hand on Souta's head and ruffled his hair messily, smiling a longing smile one might have when thinking of a fond memory. “Your gonna be really great one day if you keep at it like this.”

Souta's eyes averted shyly to Kouga, that small hope returning to him. “Really?”

“I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.” Kouga gave Souta a small pat on the shoulder before he turned and walked away almost aimlessly.

Souta soft smiled, finding a great sense of satisfaction in Kouga's encouragement, a validation that he never consciously knew he wanted, but sought desperately in everything he did. He feared losing it more then anything he could think of, and congruently he also feared telling Kouga about the things he'd learned to ignore and hide. There was a sense of guilt he couldn't over come, that if Kouga knew about it all he would begin to regard him differently, he wouldn't be able to stand losing that validation. “...Ok.”

Souta watched Kouga's form disappear, a faint thought left in him that something was off with Kouga, the same feeling he gained when he heard Kouga howling that night of the roof. Unless an answer to such a questioning change in demeanor was clearly obvious, chances were that Souta wouldn't understand them. But before he could come to a full realization, his unfocused mind drifted to other things, he never could concentrate.

“Alright, pace myself, I can do that I guess.” Souta took in a deep breath and turn towards the sun where his path continued and-'!!' “Whaaa!” Souta flinched and stumbled backwards, easily losing his balance and falling to the ground. He stared up in a startled fear when he found himself looking at a boy about his age, a small, furry tail at his back, small fangs peaking below his lips.

“Your funny.” The boy laughed. “Hi, I've never seen you before, what's your name?”

Souta stared up at him in fear and awe, his words becoming muttered and stumbling, he didn't know what to say. One of them was actually talking to him. “S...S-S-Souta!” He forced out, loud and abrupt, not fearing as much as he felt that same nervous, uneasy stirring he gained when saw people pass him in the bed. He felt like he was doing something wrong by this boy's presence being here, something horribly, horribly wrong.

The boy laughed again, “Your funny Souta. You wanna play with me?”

Souta slowly stumbled to his feet, standing rigidly and tensely, feeling as if he should run, wanting to run, to escape this feeling, this fear. But he was too afraid to move. This boy, he was friendly enough, but he was dead, that word, that fact, put a fearing in him, cultivated by hundreds of ghost stories, horror movies, tv shows, and the feelings that something dangerous was under the bed, hiding in the dark. Foolish fears as uncertain as the darkness. “I...Uh...I...I-I”

The boy laughed again, finding amusement in Souta's reaction.”Wanna?”

“Y-Your dead!” Souta stammered out, and it was easier to repeat the second time. “Your dead! Why are you here?”

The boy tilted his head to the side and looked at him questioningly. “I like it here.” He said simply.

He liked it here, Souta knew that there was something in those words that he was missing, he sensed that there was deeper, some understanding he was failing to grasp. But he missed it, like many things. “You... like it here?”

“Yeah, it's my home.” The boy said, he was lost, he came back to the only place he knew, his home.

They all must have.

For a moment Souta forgot his fear, a steady feeling of pity and fear, empathy as a person who wanted to go back home many times in his life. “Your...Lost?” Souta asked questioningly, a meek desire to understand, to know why he was here, they were all here, and why he kept seeing them.

“Nope, I'm at home.” The boy said simply.

“Do you ever...leave home?”

“Nope?”

“Why not? You never left home when you were alive?” Souta asked.

“Yeah.” The boy said, he locked his hands together, playing with his fingers, looking away with a growing timidness. He was starting to become uncomfortable in this questioning.

But Souta didn't see it, didn't notice it, he was always largely oblivious to things like this. “So why don't you leave now? You can can't you?”

The boy rubbed the back of his head nervously. “Yeah but...I...I don't want to.”

“Why?”

“I don't know.” The boy looked away uneasily, he didn't know, he couldn't leave, he felt inexplicably as though he lacked the desire to and the child-like restlessness with a single place and yearning to explore left him. He was bound here, a soul without the restlessness to move away from this place was ironically restless enough to stay. “Uh, I gotta go!” Feeling nervous, the boy turned away and ran off.

“Hey wait...” Souta, who had wanted to run away himself, was now debating with himself if he should chase after the boy. But by the time he actually did the boy had disappeared, fading away into thin air it seemed.

It was real to him now, he hadn't just seen them, he'd talked to one of them. A calm resolution formed in him, either he was really losing his mind, or this was happening to him, this was something tangible. Souta was left with that dull feeling he gained when he sensed the Shikon Jewel shards, it hung in the air like a scent. Silently, someplace deep inside of him hidden from others, he decided that it was real, that it was happening, and that too he would keep inside of him hidden from others. Like he'd done all of his life, something separate. It was the only thing he could hide well, it was the only time he could act in a way other expected him to act yet think differently and do as he wanted. He possessed two skills he was never aware of.

! - ! - !

Kouga took slow, quiet steps as he returned to the peak of the mountain. He didn't realize he was sneaking, not holding a conscious realization that he move so quietly so that his movements wouldn't disturb Inuyasha who he still knew to be sleeping. He fear awaking Inuyasha, and a slow reluctance grew as he stood in front of sleeping Hanyou, something that made him want to turn around. His eyes studied the peaceful expression on Inuyasha's face and the utterly defenseless relaxation in his body as he sat against the wall. He was afraid in a nervous way, for what he knew would ensue when Inuyasha actually awakened.

He knew it would be awkward and unsure, this dream like feeling he resided in now would end. But for this moment, while Inuyasha was asleep, he was not unsure or nervous, it wasn't awkward. “Well, well dogboy.” He said softly, to himself. Kouga slowly eased himself down to the ground beside Inuyasha where he had been the night before, feeling Inuyasha's arm against his and thinking nothing of the contact or how close they were. Though he knew he would when Inuyasha wakened, among other things. “Looks like it's just you and me.”

He tilted his head back and stared up at the sky, still dark, but slowly being washed with a light blue with the rising sun. Kouga let out a deep breath, watching a small cloud of white pour out of his noise and be swept away by the wind. Kouga turned his head and looked over at Inuyasha, watching him sleep obliviously, despite his violent, impersonal nature, Inuyasha seemed utterly harmless when he slept without worrying about some imminent threat.

“...” Kouga let his head fall back against the wall, staring thoughtfully at the cold sky. Something was wrong with him, and he hadn't known it for all of this time...not outright at lest, some place deep inside of him he'd realized what was happening to him vaguely. He was depressed, and some naive notion had been in his mind last night that since he acknowledge it and accepted this, that he would feel better, that it would put an end to this sadness. It didn't, everything he'd felt last night, the day before and everything prior was still there just as strongly, though there was some sense of relief having let it out.

“I'm still mad.” He admitted in a soft whispering voice, not feeling any prideful aversion in saying this out loud. It was hard enough now to consciously make the effort not to brood during the daytime, he'd ignore how depressed he was and he'd forget it sometimes. But it always came back, in the middle of the night, or when he was alone with himself, or under stress. “Why can't I get rid of it?” Now he had to control the anger it caused too, and it would be much harder to hold it back, or more accurately, he had to repress what triggered it. And what triggered it mainly was Ginta and Hakkaku.

“Oh god I'm horrible.” He clinched his eyes shut and grimaced in disgust. He didn't hate them, he held the farthest thing from hate for them, he felt that way for a lot of things he suddenly angry at. But there was just this madness in him that made him feel something he couldn't quite distinguish from it, and oddly enough, it was the things closest to him he felt that madness against. Kouga drew his legs in and hugged them close to his chest, burying his face into his lap. He hated himself right now, in a way he never hated anyone or anything else. How could he feel this way toward Ginta and Hakkaku, it was fine to be angry at himself, sure, but them? How was it possible? Only a purely horrible person could be like this for no reason. “What's wrong with me?” There in him grew a desire, an almost organic sense that made him want to curl up and cease to exist.

What would Houjo say if he saw him like this, if he knew what he felt, Houjo was always good with understanding things, he was smart. Kouga almost laughed at how pitiful he felt right now, maybe Houjo would be the best person to talk to, in fact, Kouga didn't doubt it. But he couldn't do that, he couldn't admit such a weakness to his mate, especially since Houjo worried. Kouga thought about what Houjo had said to him the day they left Souta's house, how scared he'd been No, couldn't do that.

Hell, Souta wasn't even a question. Souta admired him like no one else, he need to keep that.

“Great, that just leaves you dogboy.” Though Kouga's words were sarcastic, his voice held no ill will or resentment that generally came with such a remark. Though he never would have admitted it, he trusted Inuyasha in a way he'd never realized, and he wasn't afraid to say things to him. (That was while he was unconscious of course, his pride prevented such a dangerous opening of oneself's.) Hell, he wasn't afraid to say anything to anybody, it was merely their reaction afterwords that concerned him, most of the time he'd end up blurting it out and his pride entered in afterwords. For this moment right now, he felt like he wouldn't be afraid to say something about this with him, things right now were perfect, like a dream, a reprieve from the harsh reality.

Kouga peaked a single blue eye open, he wished...that he could remain here, in this moment, after the last night and before Inuyasha woke up. He felt no aversion, to discontempt, no resentment towards Inuyasha right now, he didn't have to, if anything he felt an awkward thankfulness that he didn't he kept hidden from himself instinctively and with out knowing it. “...” Kouga closed his eyes and hugged his legs tighter, feeling sleep slowly lulling him out of unconsciousness.

! - ! - !
! - ! - !

It was warm again when he opened his eyes, the sun was high over the horizon and bright with morning light. Inuyasha had only a vague memory of having been cold during his sleep, it made him reach up and hold his arms, his body tensed as if tightening for warmth. “Un...” Sleepy golden eyes slowly blinked, sharping the blurry world into something hard,distinct, mechanical. For a moment, the memory of what happened last night didn't enter into his mind, he didn't know why he was laying out here, or why Kouga was asleep next to him.

In for this one moment, he didn't care, he was too sleepy to care. Inuyasha stretched his arms high above his head, opening his mouth wide and taking in a deep breath. Then he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and relaxed, feeling the tension leaving his body once again. He'd never felt this way before, or if he had he couldn't remember. He'd never felt this utterly content, completely defenseless, his pride had all but faded away and he could think freely. It didn't surprise him that his thought went to Kouga.

The Youkai sat beside him, his knees drawn in and curled up into a ball. Inuyasha stared at him, his face a lazy blank. “Damn you Kouga.” He said out loud, but his voice held no anger, just slow, thoughtful words, it surprised him that Kouga had actually made him think, hard. “Don't you ever scare me like that again or I'll pound you to the ground.” Inuyasha, though not out rightly blinded by his pride as he usually was, felt like punching himself for feeling this way. Kouga had actually managed to scare him in ways he'd never been scared.

He'd never forget seeing Kouga that furious, that hate in his eyes, and his voice was so strong Inuyasha honestly didn't know what Kouga would do. Yes, Kouga was capable of many things, he'd admit it...at least right now he would, and he'd never repeat it even to himself. And that realization came to his conscious mind in a climatic way...Inuyasha smirked and a laughed at himself and at what felt strongly was a weakness. He understood it now, he'd been afraid for Kouga, he was afraid less during all the blows Kouga had thrown at him that he would tear him apart as much as he feared Kouga would tear himself apart. “Stupid wolf, are you *trying* to get yourself killed?” Inuyasha grunted with anger this time, it started to seem less like empty words to Inuyasha as time progressed. Every time they fought together Kouga seemed to place himself in the most awkward, dangerous positions. Inuyasha shuttered when he remembered the last time they had fought that strange demon when Kouga had offered himself as bait, when he was only a few seconds from being crushed to death and stuck by the wind scar. “Your so stupid, your were lucky to get out alive, why are you such a fucking idiot?” He growled miserably. He never saw someone so needlessly risky with their lives.

Maybe Kouga didn't realize what he was doing? Yeah, Inuyasha nodded, he couldn't have, Kouga would never be that stupid, never be that suicidal, how could he when Kouga always was smart enough to run? Inuyasha hoped he didn't realize it, he hated it, but he was actually concerned... “Tch, go ahead, get yourself killed, see if I care.” And like always he thrust it aside, keeping the knowledge that such feelings existed safely out of his consciousness

He didn't think it was possible but, he'd actually seen Kouga cry, the thought never entered his mind that Kouga was capable of being anything else but completely and utterly strong. Even when his entire pack was killed he'd been strong, he hadn't looked at anything with such hate... Maybe it didn't even count? Inuyasha remembered Kouga didn't even seem to be aware that he was crying, when he calmed down he'd looked so confused... Maybe it was just some freak accident...It had no baring right?

Even if it did, it was nothing anyway, yeah, it was nothing.

Inuyasha groaned in annoyment, clamping his hand against his forehead. “Bastard.” He felt as if he was facing a great task only he didn't know what that task was, and it frustrated him like an unfinished thought. He wanted to back away and let Houjo...no, he couldn't tell Houjo, Kouga would hate that, he knew Kouga would hate that because he would hate that. He also felt a strange sense of obligation, as if he was bound to this, to Kouga in some way. He knew what it was, somewhere deep inside of himself, but his pride resented it, fear this new, strange, feeling. Such a feeling was dangerous, it's very presence compromised and threatened his pride and it kept it hidden some where from his consciousness.“What the hell am I suppose to do now?” Inuyasha grunted.

Things were easier, much simpler when he could simply hate Kouga, when he simply could have wished the wolf was dead and it was as clean and simple as that. He wanted to slip back behind his usual exterior of indifference and lack of concern, but he was organically incapable of it now, not right now. Was not his old hate a better defense than his agonized uncertainty?

'!!' He flinched in terror when he saw Kouga's ears twitch, mostly likely at the sound of his voice, he felt his heart jump when Kouga stirred slightly. He panicked, Kouga couldn't see him like this, awake, *watching* him. Inuyasha looked around nervously, then finally he slid down to the ground, rolled over, and pretended that he was asleep. He was without the desire to leave him, but too afraid to face him.

“Unn...” Kouga slowly lifted his head, his eyes were met with the blinding light of the sun and he squinted and looked away. “Inuyasha?” He called out sleepily, he titled his head and looked towards the Hanyou and grew a bit disappointed when he saw Inuyasha had not yet woken up. He wasn't looking forward to what he would be feeling when they both had to face each other, but he couldn't wait like this anymore. He never was very patient. “Geez, for a person who doesn't wanna go to sleep you sure are lazy.” He mumbled, slowly uncurling and laid spread out on the ground, stretching stiff muscles. The angry, hateful, self-loathing feelings had dulled away into nothingness, like always.”Wake up already, let's get this over with already.”

'Get what over with?' Inuyasha thought to himself, his eyes clinched tightly shut. He knew though, he had some vague understanding of what Kouga meant. He always understood what Kouga meant in some wild, strange, chaotic way.

Kouga slipped his arms behind his head and stared at the sky. “Why'd it have to be you, why'd I have to lose it in front of *you*.” He grumbled, feeling tense and anxious, he started to wish that Houjo was here, so he could listen to his heartbeat, so he could hold him close, that always calmed him down. “Tch, why not, I'm always losing stuff when your around.” Kagome, Souta.... his mind.

'That's not my fault.' Inuyasha snorted, 'Your just crazy.'

''I guess if it had to be in front of somebody, better you then somebody else.” He said softly, his voice soberingly thoughtful. Yeah, better Inuyasha then anyone else, better with Inuyasha who he had inadvertently shared more things then he knew with then someone else. He took some comfort in that.“What would have happened if it had been Houjo?” Kouga sighed, and a fearful string of ideas began to stir through his mind.

'Aw shut up, you think to much.' Inuyasha thought 'He wasn't, what's the use of thinking about it?'

“Oh man...I didn't even know what I was doing...what if Houjo had been there.” Kouga's voice sounded afraid, unsure of himself. “Maybe I would have...”

'You didn't!' Inuyasha screamed in his mind, feeling a guilt sinking in his stomach like nausea. He hated hearing that fear, that doubt in Kouga's voice. Hearing him speak like that made his mind drift back to last night... 'Why are you thinking like this anyway? It didn't happen, you didn't do anything.'

Kouga sighed, he was silent for a while... “I don't get it, it seems like I'm just getting madder and madder for no reason...” Kouga felt the same comforted sense he felt the last time he was awake, something lulling him to throw out everything inside of him, that he could think aloud, like he was some place removed from reality where such thoughts could hurt him. “What's wrong with me?” He wanted to call out, let his voice carry blindly into the darkness, hoping distantly that he'd hear an echo.

'Why...why do you keep thinking about it?' Inuyasha peaked his eyes open and stared outward into the distance, not making a move to roll over or make himself known ... 'Your not gonna...do anything?'

“Hell, what am I suppose to do? How am I suppose to get rid of this?” Kouga asked, he didn't know who to ask, who would know the answer. All he could do was ask the sleeping Inuyasha.

Completely unaware that Inuyasha wasn't asleep. 'Kouga...' Inuyasha simply stared, his expression a confused blank, he found himself wishing he could give an answer.

“I feel like I'm gonna explode and there's nothing I can do about it.” Kouga turned his head to the side and looked at Inuyasha's back, smirking with a dark humor. “Hn, Your no help dogboy.”

Inuyasha's mind was silent for a moment, what he had heard altered the look of the world, (more like a combination of everything) induced in Inuyasha a temporary paralysis of will and impulse. Why was he laying here like this? 'Tch. What the hell am I suppose to say to you?'

Kouga didn't speak again, he simply tilted his head back and stared at the sky, his tail shifting around with slow wags. And Inuyasha only closed his eyes and laid there, his sharp ears listened closely... Inuyasha nearly flinched when he heard Kouga abruptly rise. “Wake up you lazy bastard!” Kouga growled, delivering sharp kick to Inuyasha's back.

“!!” Inuyasha cringed and grunted sharply in pain, his eyes widening in surprised pain.”What the fuck!” He rolled over and glared at Kouga with murderous eyes.

“Wow, your up mighty quick.” Kouga snorted, a small, wolfish grin spreading across his lips despite his best attempts to hide his amusement. Something inside of him took delight in seeing Inuyasha angry, in knowing he'd have the chance to pound his fist into his face, his body ached for the movement, the activeness of battle. “Bout' time.”

Inuyasha froze inside, realizing that Kouga must have realized he was awake, that was why he stopped...But he'd just been kicked in the back and he was too angry to care at the moment. “What the hell!” Inuyasha stomped to his feet, glaring at Kouga. He felt like a large tension had been lifted, he couldn't describe how relieved he was when he saw Kouga's grin and he couldn't help but smirk himself. His body peaked with anticipation. “I oughta pound your face in you stupid wolf!” Inuyasha's fist tightened at his side.

“I'd love to see you try!”

“137 to 137.”

“Not for long.”

! - ! - !
! - ! - !

Houjo rested the sword on his shoulder and looked at Kouga questioningly, he couldn't help but scratch his head and observe him. “Uh... Kouga?” He couldn't help but worry, having Kouga disappear in the middle of the night and when he finally reappeared many hours later he looked throughly beaten. “Are you ok?”

They stood in the valley of the mountain, far away from the hard earth to shin high grass near a river that emptied out of the lake a few miles back. Houjo stood in his normal training disposition, his shirt tossed aside, his feet bare, the sword safely in his hands. He felt more comfortable like this, quicker, lighter on his feet, Houjo wished he could go into a fight like this.

Kouga snorted, tilting his head to the side and spitting out a small bit of blood that had pooled in his mouth. “Heh, yeah.” He nodded, though he was a little weaker, much tireder, and his body ached in new places, he finally felt a sense of content peace, it had oddly enough came in the violent throws of a fight. “Well, what are you waiting for? Come at me.”

Houjo took a deep breath and nodded, shifting his bare foot readily across the lush grass and soft ground, and then driving forward as fast as he could. He felt odd coming at Kouga like this, his hear pounded and a strong desire to halt, that he was doing something inherently wrong came over him. He tensed, he wanted to hesitate at the very least, even now he could feel his reflexes dulling at the though of trying to harm Kouga.

Kouga stood still and waiting, his eyes taking in Houjo's entire form. The boy ran at him hard, not just in speed but with his entire weight being pushed forward towards him. He could hear his bare feet pounding against the soft earth and the rustling of the grass with each step, his tense breathing. He admired the way the his of his abdomen tightened with each movement, the young muscles flexed into nervous action when he raised the sword skillfully. The sight made a subtitle heat rise familiarly in his body and an small admiration come into his perception of sight.

Houjo lifted the sword above his head as he dawned on the wolf, and insecurely thrust it down on Kouga, holding back so that he could stop at the blink of an eye if need be. Kouga easily stepped to the side, watching Houjo with slight annoyment. “Come on, your not gonna hurt me.” He said, holding his arms out tauntingly as he took a step back.. “Stop hesitating.”

“...Um...Alright.” Houjo rubbed the back of his head and sighed, he'd have to force himself to attack Kouga, he'd have to blunt his mind into a dead blank and simply move as violent instinct and training told him to. He turned towards Kouga and thrust the sword forward towards the wolf's abdomen. Kouga, of course, agilely evaded, not using an once of his speed, but simply his reflexes.

“What happened to you last night?” Houjo asked, drawing the sword cleanly back and then thrusting it towards Kouga again, taking a step forward to regain the lost distance.

Kouga slipped to the side and moved behind Houjo with a graceful, fluid motion. “Aw...nothing really.” Kouga said discardingly, hoping to avoid speaking about last nights events, it already felt like enough of a strain that he thought about it so much. It was as if some outside force was coarsing him to watch this image over and over in his mind.

Houjo quickly pivoted towards Kouga, dragging the sword along with him and wiping the blade towards Kouga's abdomen. Kouga lept back out of range, his body exuding it's usual arrogance in his every moment, this was easy for him. “Was Inuyasha with you?” Houjo asked, since both he and Souta had woke up alone last night with only each other. Houjo lifted the sword over his shoulder, dashing towards Kouga in an attempt to close the distance between them. Then when he finally got close enough to attack, Houjo,a tight grasp on the hilt with both hands, slashed at Kouga's torso with a distinct, almost mechanical attack.

Kouga couldn't quite place it, but he felt there was something vaguely wrong with the way Houjo was attacking, he never fought anyone who attacked in this way. It was easy, easy to avoid. Kouga side stepped the attack and awaited Houjo's next move. “...” Kouga hesitated to answer, uncertain of what line of thinking might come about if he admitted to it. “...Yeah.”

Houjo watched Kouga with a quiet observation, taking in Kouga's movements, his voice, his reactions, and contemplating them all and wordlessly trying to understand as he did everything else. “Are you...ok?” Houjo dragged the tip of the sword along the ground as he pressed unrelentingly towards Kouga, then he drove the blade from the ground towards Kouga in a hard uppercut.

Kouga tilted backwards and watched with quick eyes as the blade slipped upwards past his face. He felt his heart jump with nervousness when Houjo asked him that, why would he ask something like that? Was it that obvious? Was he speaking differently then he normally spoke, was he acting different? Did he some how looked different? Kouga's mind scrambled to think of what it could be, how he could correct it, and erase whatever doubt it may have planted. “Yeah? Why?” He asked as if the question was something trivial.

“I don't know...it's just that...” Houjo halted the blade's ascent and thrust it at Kouga's shoulder, but he moved slower then usual, as with all of his blows he was ready to stop had he actually came close to pricing the wolf. Kouga lifted his arm and knocked the easily moving blade away and off course, then with a quick step forward he thrust as punch at Houjo. “!!” Houjo flinched, his eyes inanely clinching shut with an instinctive measure to protect themselves, the boy quickly realized that no blow would come and opened his eyes.

Kouga held his fist a bare inch from Houjo's nose, smirking wildly. “First thing, stop hesitating, your not gonna hurt me, believe me, I've been through worse. “ Kouga let his hand fall in Houjo's head and petted him as if he was a child, Houjo quickly stood up strait and pushed Kouga's hand away with mild annoyment at the action. “And you can't flinch, you gotta just react. Ok? Cause next time I'm really gonna hit you.”

“Yeah.” Houjo nodded, shifting his feet in the grass with soft rustling to find his stance again. He was slowly beginning to comprehend Kouga more then just at the surface. Something was wrong with Kouga, the realization of it had always been distant to him, something out of focused and barely paid attention to. Until yesterday, and then for the first time a large piece of his perception of Kouga had fallen into place. Kouga was a person whose nature was deeply rooted in his pride and strength, everything else had to conform to both or they were dismissed. He wondered what was behind that pride of his... “Alright, I'll try.”

Try, it amazed him that Houjo had to try to allow himself to fight, the boy was so unwilling to hurt him, unwilling to put himself fully in a conflict that it created an awe in Kouga. Whom it was so easy for him, since he'd spent his entire life doing such. “...”

Houjo took in another deep breath and then nodded as if to reassure himself, then the boy ran at Kouga, his sword lifted readily. It was such a contrasting speed, so much faster then the rate Houjo had been going that it surprised him just how much Houjo had been afraid to hit him. Houjo slashed at Kouga, not stopping when he attack as he did before. Kouga jumped backwards, but just as soon as Kouga's feet left the ground, Houjo halted the sword's accent and thrust it forward in a linear mechanical jab. Though it was easy, to tell just where it would end up so Kouga had no trouble evading the blow. “Heh, that's it.”

Houjo came after Kouga without a single hesitant move, his mind forgot everything else, focused merely on his next move and Kouga's. There was a sense of passion, of purpose that came over him, the emptiness, the questions in his mind were all pushed away, for another moment at lest, he was completely sure. Houjo came after Kouga with a furry of highly practiced slashes, he already knew it, Kouga was simply playing with him, moving much more slowly and lagging then he normally did. And Kouga focused mainly on evasion...'Hm...' Houjo observed and thought, studying Kouga against past battles he'd seen the wolf fight.

Kouga tilted his head and stepped backwards to evade another one of Houjo's attacks, watching him with a different quality all together. Houjo seemed, almost uncharacteristic to him, the boy's face was contorted into a concentration that clearly showed deep, almost frustrated thought, yet he still it held the somewhat peaceful calm it always had, as if he'd smile at any moment. Yeah, he'd make a fine warrior someday, he certainly gave off the illusion. 'Heh...' Kouga smirked, he was enjoying this, not in the same way he enjoyed fighting with Inuyasha, not in away he enjoyed fighting at all. He simply enjoyed watching him, his movements, his expressions, waiting to see what would come across his form next, it was almost a curiosity.

'I'll never catch him this way...' Houjo thought, his movements slowing into a lag, falling back into the same slowness it had been before. His eyes were fixed on Kouga, still watching, studying. 'He'll have to come to me.' The thought that this was merely a training exercising, that he was suppose to be tuning his accuracy. The realization that Kouga was only trying to tune his reflexes and keep him from flinching and subsequently hesitating was lost to him for a momentarily. He found himself focused merely on the battle as Inuyasha and Kouga were when they fought, he defined himself. Houjo began to halt when he attacked, making slow, mechanical movements.

'?' Kouga looked at him questioningly, it still perplexed him that Houjo could be so adverse to notion of hurting him. Houjo began to hesitate in his movements again, most likely figuring that he was getting to close. He had to get over that... 'Tch, Houjo...' Kouga stopped abruptly, not attempting to evade any longer. Then with out the least bit of hesitance he threw a punch at Houjo.

Houjo stood his ground, anticipating the blow, though he had to prepare himself mentally frantically not to flinch, not to close his eyes, not to look away. He quickly pulled the sword back and blocked, waiting until he felt the pressure of Kouga's fist touching the steel and then he moved in the most unmechanical, undistinct way.

'!!' Kouga had often watched Houjo practice, he'd seen him fight, once, he'd seen him preform his attacks over and over until they seemed to be the only way his body knew how to move in conflict. He knew Houjo's movements so well, it caught him off guard when Houjo slipped the sword from under the pressure of his fist and with sloppy, yet tight movement he thrust the sword forward past his extended arm. Kouga quickly regained himself and stumbled to the side, though not with out the tip of the sword grazing past his cheek in the process.

Houjo froze in his movements, his arm extended with the sword fixed where Kouga's shoulder was. “...” He tried to move, but his body was so tense he couldn't diverge an inch, his muscles locked in place and contracted, as if trying to push something out of their mists. Then in the blink of an eye his body glowed in a metallic, waxy purple glow and sparks of electricity sizzled over his body, drawing towards the metal of the blade and disappearing.

“Whoa...” Kouga stared in a curious fear and awe, drawn almost immediately to the Shikon Jewel Shard around his neck, glowing a dim purple against his chest.

Houjo's body relaxed and he immediately stood rigidly upright, looking down at the glow with with his own perplexity. “Heh...” Then he smiled and rubbed the back of his head as he always did. “Oh, I forgot that was there.” He laughed softly, a sense of subtle fear came as he attempted to figure out what exactly had just happened. He might have been encompassed with a deeper fear had a familiar inarticulate curiosity and amazement blunted his senses with a trilling excitement. How could this little piece of stone do such things? Could he make it do this again?

'Heh.' Kouga smiled proudly, running his finger over the small cut on his cheek. He had to admit, Houjo learned quickly, or he was a proficient at thinking ahead.

! - ! - !
! -! - !

“Hmm....” Inuyasha looked up and realize that he came here quite frequently during his stay here, again sitting atop a ledge near the peak of the mountain. He sat with his legs crossed and his back against the wall, staring outward absentmindedly, he surprisingly wasn't compelled to move at the moment, this entire day had been lost to him. It was almost a short reprieve, a break, a dream, some place separate from reality. Houjo and Souta went about their normal tasks, training the entire day with only a vague semblance that something was off today, certainly less lively, though neither of them pressed too deeply. After Kouga left, Inuyasha hadn't kept track of what he was doing, he didn't particularly care anymore.

Yes, he came here a lot during his stay at Kouga Den, maybe he was running, hiding?...No, he couldn't be running because he wasn't doing a good job of hiding. What was he doing anyway? He should have been somewhere with Souta or something, not sitting up here, why was he sitting up here?

Inuyasha took in a deep breath and let his boy relax. Usually today would have felt completely wasted to him, but he knew he was simply waiting. Kouga hadn't said anything to him about it, he hadn't even hinted it, but he knew, he always knew. They had to wait, maybe Kouga was taking a que from Houjo and thinking ahead, 'Probably the first time in his life he actually thought about something.' They still had to figure out what they were going to do about...

'?' Inuyasha's lazy,sleepy eyes peeked open and he leaned forward, “Huh?” He peeked over the ledge...”Is that them?”

! - ! - !

Kouga stared at the flame burning in front of him, his blue eyes fixed on the dancing red glow until the heat dried his eyes and forced him to look away. The flickering light forged shadows on the walls of his den, his empty den, and right now he'd never been more keenly aware of how empty it was. Inuyasha was who knew where and Souta and Houjo were off on their own at a hot spring.

He didn't need this fire, in fact it was actually hindering, his heat induced body burned nearly like like fever at times, it was always elevated. Yet, he couldn't drive himself to put it out, not after seeing how proud Souta had been of himself when he made it, how proud he always was of himself when he created fire. It was something he knew he could do well, and the boy was always so content with a simple task, something useful that he could do well,which was what Souta had been seeking since he'd known him, probably his entire life. So Kouga always tended to the flame, kept it going until Souta fell asleep.

“?” A soft sound, quiet, bare, but distinct emitted from behind him and his ears perked interestedly. Kouga glanced back over his shoulder, thinking it at first was Houjo and Souta returning, or Inuyasha, but the wind outside shifted course and blew into the den, carrying a scent towards him. '!!' Kouga sat upright, his body tense and rigged, that scent, he'd know it anywhere. “They're...” Kouga abruptly stood up, his tail anxiously stiff behind him without movement, and he turned around. His eyes were saluted with the sight of Hakkaku and Ginta, both panting for air having clearly gotten back as fast as they were able. Kouga's heart sank when he looked over the two, bruised and bloody, having seemed to encounter some conflict during their trip. He was worried, and every bit of that fearful concern built up in him at this moment, and finally a relief came when he saw them. But it didn't seem to be enough for this pint up energy, the release was like dam holding back a large body of water, with only a crack to release it all. “You...Your back...” His words were timid, almost as if it all was a dream he was afraid he might awaken from.

What was this he felt, he couldn't be worried, they were right in front of him, he could see they were alright...at lest in one piece. So why did he still feel so... anxious? He started to resent himself again as the familiar anger was being spawned from this energy.


“Y-Yeah...” Ginta clinched his chest and leaned weakly against the wall, taking hard swallows of air to fulfill this dying hunger in his starved lungs. Then he wiped his blood stained cheek with the back of his hand and ran a hand through the wet strands of gray and black hair. He couldn't stop sweating, at first he'd thought it was because it was warm outside, but being the season it was it got colder as the evening progressed, much colder. So why was he so hot, why couldn't he stop sweating? “We found it.” He said. His eyes held a dazed sense to them, the fire was so bright he couldn't look at it directly.

“You think.”He uttered sarcastically. And there it was again, the words forced their way out of his mouth of their own accord and he couldn't stop them. Some part of his mind was aware of what was happening but this furry was making him forget.“What the hell happened to you two?”

Hakkaku slowly sank to his knees, one arm draped over his stomach where a particular pain was pressing. “By the time we realized it was there, it was already around us.” He spoke with a bit of fear, having actually have to face such a thing and not knowing what it was. He shuttered, but not from fear, from a distinct cold that clung to his body. It wasn't from outside, no, it was warm out side still, so why was he so cold? He was wet, the spiky gold strands clung to his head messily with cold sweat.

“Didn't I tell you guys not to get close!” Kouga growled angrily, he was angry that they had gotten hurt, he was angry because he was so worried and his worry had turned out to hold justification. Which meant he was right when he had been nervous about sending them, what he feared had been true. He was simply angry, a faint part of himself aware of what was happening to him and was horrified by it. “I know you idiots can follow a direction that simple!” Great, now he was insulting them for no reason. Why couldn't he stop himself? He was trying to contain himself but...

“We didn't.” Ginta said almost defensively, his head hung low and his eyes stared at the ground evasively, trying his best not aggravate Kouga's rage even farther. “Not really, we heard a sound and-”

“What the hell did you do? Fight the damn thing?!” Kouga growled, his eyes narrowing dangerously at the two. He had no reason to be this angry? So why was he? “Were you actually stupid enough to fight the damn thing? Didn't I say that it was dangerous?!”

“Not on purpose...” Hakkaku told him meekly, his eyes averted in the same manner as Ginta.

“Not on purpose?” Kouga's voice queered in a voice that wasn't at all questioning, it was more of a prelude to more anger. He couldn't help but feel angry when he looked upon them, both of them keeping their eyes away, trying not to make him more angry. Why were they letting him do this! Why did they just look away? Why didn't they stand up for themselves, yell, hit him, do something! He wanted them to scream at him, he wanted them to hit him, to lash out so badly that when they didn't his fists ached to strike them in retaliation for a wrong they never committed. “Was it that hard to run!”

“We tried to get away...” Hakkaku explained, the fearful questioning back in his voice, he wanted to know what that was, where it had come from...why? “But they were just everywhere. They were too fast...”

And neither of them were the fighting type, which made Kouga all the more angrier that they, the two remaining members of his pack, had been in that situation in the first place. He was angry at himself for putting them there in his place...No! They should have stood up to him, they shouldn't have went after he told them about it, how dangerous it was. Why would they go after something like that, knowing they possessed no fighting skills, something he couldn't even beat? They should have come right back when they heard the sound, they shouldn't have taken a chance on farther investigation. His thoughts weren't rational, but neither was his anger. He wanted to scream at them, but he had nothing to fault them with. Dammit! Why didn't they stick up for them selves! Why were they letting him being such an asshole! Why were they being so spineless? “Damn you two idiots!”

And neither of them seemed to take much heed to his shouting, having been long use to it and had become fluent in ways of treading around it. And that had to be what made Kouga the angriest! They just took it, like they weren't better then that, like they deserved it! They didn't! Why didn't they get angry! Why didn't they hit him! His fist tightened at his side hard enough to make his hands and wrist tremble with tension. His jaw was clinched so tightly his teeth ached and a soundless growl waited to flare up in a loud bellow, but his throat ached so much that he couldn't. He could punch both of them, he could kick, he could bite, he could claw at them, he could pound their heads into the wall! This anxious...no, now violent energy coursed through him like fire, they didn't see the hate in his trembling eyes or the demeanor of his taunt body.

Ginta let his hand fall from his chest and breathed a sigh of relief having the entire ordeal being over. His body ached all over with different pains from different types of injuries, some he couldn't account for, but he didn't care anymore. He was hungry, he was hot and he was tired. “At lest we found it.” He said with clear relief, “And it didn't get us, I didn't think we'd make it for a while there.” He laughed softly, not that he found any amusement, but at this point that was all he could do.
All of a sudden Kouga felt something inside of him simply let go, like a wall breaking or a rock sliding down a frozen mountain. His anger swelled up inside of him until finally he broke, though it wasn't a clean snap as he had imagined and feared so many times. Merely a tension losing, or a large object trying to stop but had no traction to do so. “!!” He was blinded for a hot, white second, before he knew it he was growling dangerously and sent a hard punch at Ginta, striking him unexpectedly across the face with all of his strength and causing the wolf to stubble backwards.

Ginta didn't know what happened, it wasn't until he fell against the wall and grabbed desperately on to the rock walls to keep from falling. Not until he felt the throbbing pain, not until he felt the warm blood sliding down his sweat stained chin did he realize Kouga had actually struck him. “K....” He stared in startled fearing, looking with a harsh confusion into the hateful, rage inflicted expression on Kouga's face. It hurt not just physically, he felt like he'd just been...he couldn't describe it, he didn't want to describe it, he was afraid too...

At once Hakkaku lept up, and Kouga had thought that he would hit him, would push him against the wall, would yell at him, something. But he ran over to Hakkaku, placing himself deliberately in between the two of them, just as startled and confused as Ginta, the only thing he knew for sure was that he resolved to protect Ginta, or at lest shield him. He was devastatingly conflicted, he didn't know whether to say something to Kouga and risk more of his rage or attempt to comfort Ginta, it had all happened so fast! Hakkaku was about to ask what Kouga was doing, why he'd just did something as extreme as that, but some part of him already knew, sensed it, feared it from the moment Kouga's anger had started and didn't die away.

Ginta looked at Hakkaku, then back at Kouga, and Kouga stared at them, surrounded in a tense, uneasy silence. They were the closet people there ever could be and here they were, looking at each other like they were strangers. Kouga had expected something, a punch, for them to yell at him, but some kind of violent reaction the most. He craved it, he sought it, he wanted them to be angry at him, angry at him for being so mean, for letting them down, but all he got was constant understanding and compassion. He wanted them to strike him for all the times he'd even thought about doing it to them, for being so angry at them without reason, for hitting Ginta, but they just looked at him with fear and surprise, as if he was some cold, distant person whom they had no memory of. He never felt so cold, so isolated, so alone in his life, this was worse then the claustrophobia of that damn box...

Kouga wanted it, he felt like he deserved it, he deserved for them to hate him as much as he hated himself, if anyone was entitled it was them. He had refused to talk to anyone about what he felt, because he knew that he would only hear a justification of the ways of the world and he did not want to hear it. He lived carrying a huge wound, tender, festering, and he shrank when he came near anything that he though would attempt to but a bandage on it. In a sense, Kouga's ultimate intention was to glut himself with pain and misery in order to blunt the senses causing his depression by overcharging them into oblivion. He was in pain and he sought more pain because he felt he warranted it, pain to distract him from the other pain, to complement his mood. Maybe if they could yell at him enough enough, hate him enough and cause him enough pain, he could harden himself from being able to feel these horrible emotions over the death of his pack.
He hated himself so much right now, he hated himself for what he just did, all he could do was turn turn away wordlessly. Again wishing to cease to exist.

Hakkaku looked back at Ginta, it was hard to notice among all the other bruises if Kouga had really hurt him, physically at lest. Without a second thought he wiped the blood from Ginta's chin that he seemed to out of it to realize was there anymore. Then he pulled Ginta off the wall upright again. “You ok?” He asked, his voice still in conflicted disbelief.

Ginta nodded, “Yeah...” His voice showed no trace of any pain, only an awe about it all.

They both stared at Kouga, not sure exactly what to do now, not wanting to leave but awkward staying. They watched as his fist clinched tighter and tighter, and a sense of fear came when they saw his shoulders quaking and his entire back trembling.... Ginta and Hakkaku looked at each other again, coming to a timid realization, silently asking if the other was willing... With nervousness and and apprehension, they both nodded and took a small step forward. “K-Kouga...” Ginta called out weakly. “Are you...alright?”

It amazed him, even now they were still worried about him, they were asking if *he* was alright, how was something like this possible? What kind of life had he lead that made such a thing so strange to him? The anger was overwhelmed with this horrible guilt and crushing sadness, he felt his eyes watering and his body quaking with silent sobs. “I'm sorry...” He whispered silently.

Then all at once he turned around and fell into the pair, wrapping his arms around their shoulders and hugging them tightly. “I'm sorry.” Tears came freely now, his throat swelled with a choking pain and his body repulsed all the things he tried to keep inside. “I'm so sorry...”

They were startled at first, a surprise as strongly as before came about, but not one in the spirit of fear, but of complete confusion. Ginta and Hakkaku let out a sigh of relief and stood idle, knowing the more they responded to it, the more embarrassed it would have made Kouga when this was all over. They under stood him, like they always understood him.“It's alright.” Hakkaku said, it was clear in his voice that he was searching for the right words, for he knew what he was saying wouldn't comfort the Youkai. “You don't have to apologize to us.”
They were too much, he didn't deserve people like them. Kouga clinched on to them tighter until he felt his arms trembling, “No...” He shook his head.

“Yeah, we know you didn't mean it.” Ginta said with agreement, obviously not holding anything against Kouga, he never did. “It wasn't your fault.”
“No...it was...” Kouga buried his head into their shoulders, why did they listen to him? Why did they go along with him anyway? He asked himself calmly, a quiet, peaceful questioning came about in him, a curiosity maybe. He found himself with that desire to know again, he wanted to understand Ginta and Hakkaku, he wanted to know what did they see in him that made them act in this way toward him. He didn't get it. They seemed almost like children who admired an older brother despite the fact he constantly picked on them, no, that wouldn't be fair, the both of them were more complex then that. But they were blind, blind to his fatal flaws, blind to the deeper sight of him, like Souta. Or maybe they didn't want to see them, or maybe they found enough good to redeem him. 'What...is it...' He wanted to know, he wanted to see, he wanted to understand.

Houjo could probably figure it out, he probably wouldn't have to think about it, merely see and interpret. “I'm sorry...” Kouga searched, he wished that he could find the words, the actions to show how regretful he was for it all, how horrible he felt about himself for it, but it was impossible. He wasn't smart enough, he didn't possess the tools to sculpt a response.

Ginta and Hakkaku were silent, like always they became vaguely aware Kouga was barely able to express his remorse in this manner, let alone the way he must have wanted to. It didn't matter what he said, they could see it in his body, hear it in his desperate voice, his blue eyes as deep as an ocean were a testament. They understood him, they understood his words, his motives, what drove each of his actions, every word he spoke, they understood him, they didn't always agree but they knew.

“I couldn't stop myself.” Kouga begged, pleading for them to understand, “I knew but I just...”

“It's ok...”Ginta slowly, and unsurely reached out and laid his hand on Kouga's back.

“Yeah, we forgive you already.” Hakkaku reassured him, though he'd never held it against him.

“....” Kouga slowly pulled back, furiously wiping away the tears in his eyes, “Are you guys ok?”

Ginta's mind was brought back marginally to the feverish burning in his body, the sweat that coated him, the dieing thirst that he wasn't sure would ever be filled with any amount of water. He began to remember the slight sensations of light headedness that linger even after he'd caught his breath again. “Yeah.” He nodded, nothing that sleep wouldn't cure...

Hakkaku had always been aware of the cold that chilled his body, the cold sweat, the headache pounding with a dull, but growing throb in time with his pulse. The piercing pains in his stomach felt like he'd swallowed pins. But he could ignore it, figuring it would pass once he got some food in him. “I'm ok.”
“I need you two to look after Souta and Houjo for a while.” Kouga announced abruptly.

“Your going after that thing?” Hakkaku asked, his voice rising with fear again. “But you said it was dangerous, you said you couldn't-”

“I know what I said.” Kouga cut him off abruptly, but almost immediately after his voice sunk back into a sullen sigh. “That's why I need you guys to watch them, really watch them...” Kouga was implying something deeper then a care taking, and he hated himself even more for it, for placing them in such a position once more. Even if indirectly. “You guys are already in bad shape, if your not up to it, I can-”

Ginta and Hakkaku gave each other another affirming look and nodded. He was leaving his mate and Inuyasha's with them, which could only mean Inuyasha wouldn't be around either. It was quite a responsibility, since it was coming for Houjo and Souta, and Inuyasha and Kouga wouldn't be around to save them. “No.” Ginta lifted his hands in decline. “We can do it. You just...” There were so many things he wanted to say to denture him from this course of action, but Kouga never listened to him. “...Be careful.”

“I'll be back.” Then with almost a franticness he slipped past them and ran off without another word.

Ever since that day he'd lived and acted on the assumption that he was alone, even when he was with Ginta and Hakkaku he felt apart from them, from the world. And now he saw that he had not been, even when he couldn't possibly feel connected to anything, he wasn't alone. What pain he had, the isolation he promoted himself into made others suffer. No matter how much he would long for them to forget him, to hate him, to strike him, they would not be able to. Ginta and Hakkaku were apart of him, not only as his pack, but in spirit.

! - ! - !

“What?” Inuyasha slowly climbed to his feet, a seriousness coming over him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes I'm sure.” Kouga said impatiently. He folded his arms and paced the ground anxiously, ready to move, ready to go, but fearing doing so. “It hurt Ginta and Hakkaku pretty good, they barely got away. If we don't go after it now, it's gonna follow them right back here.”

“Dammit.” Inuyasha spat bitterly, his narrowed eyes averted to the valley darkened by the coming night. “It's in the same place?”

“Probably.” Kouga nodded.

“...That's not that far.” Inuyasha realized fearfully, not out of fear for himself, but for Souta and Houjo.

“That's why we gotta go right now.” Kouga sighed. He remembered the last time he had to leave Houjo behind, or had tried to anyway. The longing, protective part of him wanted Houjo to run out and stop him again, to refuse to let him go alone so he could stay close, so he could protect him. But a larger part of him wanted Houjo to stay far, far away, away from this danger. It looked like this time he'd actually succeed.'Oh gods, Houjo don't hate me for this.' He knew he'd hurt him in this action, just leaving without saying anything, he'd been listening last time, he knew Houjo would worry and wonder what happened to him. But it was for the best, it had to be done...right?

Inuyasha looked back reluctantly as if Souta was in that direction somewhere, as if he'd see the boy. 'I guess I can't see him...' So this was it, he was just leaving him again, though this time actually leaving. Why was he so nervous? He'd just get back as soon as he could, it'd be as simple as that wouldn't it?...No, Inuyasha wished he could believe it, it had never been that simple, not from the start. “Alright, let's go.” It happened so sudden, the first time he had to force himself to leave, this time it came much more easily, as if he'd been anticipating it all day and had prepared himself.

Kouga stilled in his pacing and looked at Inuyasha fully, a silence fell between them as they both looked into each others eyes with all of the fear, anxiousness and uncertainty that bore below the surface of them. They saw it and silently acknowledge the mutual feelings of the other. Inuyasha silently nodded and shifted his eyes away again. “Yeah.” Kouga nodded and without another word he took off, Inuyasha not far behind.

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Well, as I promised last chapter, the story's gonna come to a really big impasse, it's gonna change...well for one chapter at lest, then it's gonna get back the same. The next one, (or two, depending on how long it's gonna take to write this out) has a really good premise, and I'm gonna do my best to write it to the best of my ability, I assure you it's gonna be much better then this chapter.

Well, now that I think about it, it's the chapter after the next chapter, the next chapter is going to set it all up. Thanks for reading up to now, and I promise in the next two, or three chapters, everything is gonna get back to normal...or a different kinda normal. Oh yeah, thank you to all of my more frequent reviewers.

~SDI
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