I Don’t Want a Mate

A/N: I want to say a big thank you to my friend in TX Jennifer G. She knows nothing about Inuyasha but she's still helping me brainstorm ideas when I get stuck. I'd also like to thank my awesome beta Yuki hime for cleaning up the mess I call writing. Thanks girls. :)


Kagome followed behind Sesshoumaru scowling at his back. Yes, she understood that he wasn't in control last night, and she understood he had gone through excruciating pain for four years trying to prevent this very thing from happening, but damn it she was still pissed. She was pissed that she wasn't strong enough to defeat him. She was pissed her friends never came to help. Most of all, she was pissed that Inuyasha was off screwing Kikyou instead of guarding her like he was supposed to. She was just pissed over the whole situation. She had been raped, and was now mated and pregnant. 'Oh, and lets not forget Lady of the fucking West too'. Kagome snorted at that one. How the hell was she supposed to be the lady when she didn't know the first thing about it? 'It didn't matter much though,' she told herself, 'because I'm going home soon.'

She was not, however, ashamed of her body's reactions during the rape. She was no fool. When she first started traveling back in time, she researched life in the feudal era. Rapes, murders, kidnappings and mutilations were common during this time. She also extended her knowledge to therapy and medicine, just in case she needed to help a victim, or god forbid, became one. 'Like now,' her mind pipped in, a little too cheerfully. She understood that just because her mind said no didn't mean her body listened. She also knew that rape victims often felt dirty and ashamed afterwards. Dirty because they 'allowed' it to happen. Well, she didn't feel dirty. She may not have been strong enough to save herself, but she was strong enough to fight and survive. 'I didn't 'allow' anything to happen, I did fight, and I will survive.'

Rape victims felt shame because of their body's reaction to being violated. Well, she knew it was a natural to feel pleasure when stimulated. Nothing to be ashamed of, this was not how her first time was supposed to be. Of course, if she hadn't been traveling through time with so few males to choose from, and such little personal time, she wouldn't have been a virgin last night, but there was nothing to do about that. None of this crap was her fault, but now she had to deal with this situation. She refused to feel ashamed or dirty. She may understand all these things but she was still pissed and a certain hanyou was going to pay for screwing his bitch on her watch.

As they neared camp, Kagome and Sesshoumaru heard Inuyasha yelling at Sango. "Will you stop that already? She probably just left is all."

"Inuyasha, are you blind? There are signs of battle here. We left you and Kikyou in charge of the camp and protecting Kagome. Instead of waiting for us to return before leaving, you abandoned her to her fate," Miroku yelled back.

"So, she ain't here, which means she left and is alive."

Sounds of hysterical sobbing met the duo as they got closer. Sesshoumaru watched as his reluctant mate pushed passed him and stomped into the clearing where her friends were. He had felt her anger all morning and knew that it could be many decades, or even centuries, before he could get back into her good graces. He thanked every god he knew that she was able to take his youki completely, thus prolonging her life. Normal humans wouldn't be able to complete the mating bond. At least the danger of another mating season was past then, now that they were mated, neither had to fear it again. As he witnessed the scene unfolding before him, Sesshoumaru was surprised enough to let his mask drop briefly before pulling it back on.

Kagome had burst through the trees into the camp with only one thought. Kill Inuyasha. She vaguely noted Sango sobbing hysterically into Miroku's chest. She was blubbering about Kagome being missing, and probably dead. Miroku was trying to sooth his distraught fiancee while scowling at Inuyasha and Kikyou.

"Oh I'm alive alright, no thanks to you, but you're not going to be." Kagome launched herself at the stunned hanyou, dropping her grip on the haori folded over her. He had been so concerned about defending himself against accusations that he never sensed her arrival. Kagome landed on Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru's haori fell open exposing her. The force of the collision knocked the hanyou onto his back and she wrapped her hands around his neck while straddling his hips. She squeezed with strength she didn't know she had, intent on killing her friend. If she felt bad for it later, well, Sesshoumaru owed her a great deal, she'd just make him resurrect the stupid half breed.

"Kagome, your alright." Sango jerked up out of Miroku's grasp before he pulled her back to him.

"Alright? I'm not alright," she snarled. "What I am is raped, mated and pregnant because this idiot felt it was more important to fuck his bitch than do his job." Inuyasha, who had been struggling to get the girl off of him, froze at her words.

"What? That's not possible. It was Sesshoumaru that attacked you. He may have raped you when his beast was in control, but he'd never take you as his mate." Four sets of accusatory eyes landed on him.

"You're saying you knew who attacked Kagome and didn't tell us?" Sango screeched. "Why the hell did we wait here if you knew who attacked her? Sesshoumaru," Sango point at the demon who was stiffly standing just inside the camp glaring his brother, "isn't exactly a friend, and yet you didn't come get us as soon as you realized he attacked Kagome and that neither were present."

"I must say, little brother, I had expected you to care for your friend more. Surely given what evidence there was, and the time of year, you not only should have never left her but started a search immediately once you found her missing." Sesshoumaru's tone was cold as he glared at his 'brother'. It was possible that if he had battled Inuyasha as well as Kagome, considering how long she was able to hide from him last night, that she would never have been raped by his beast.

Inuyasha continued to try to pry Kagome's hands off of his neck. He was finding it harder than he should since she was pouring her miko powers into her hands to add strength. "I figured she was dead by now," he chocked out. Suddenly the hands at his throat slackened enough for him to gasp for breath.

Kagome couldn't believe what she was hearing. He didn't tell the others who attacked her, derailing any possible hunt for her before it began. He didn't alert them about her missing, when there was still time to save her. Now she found out that he believed her dead, and he wasn't going to recover her body for her family. Rage and overwhelming betrayal blinded her and once more, Kagome pooled her miko powers into her hands and tightened her grip on his throat. If, and that was a big if, she felt guilty later, she'd have Sesshoumaru revive him. Right now though it looked as if the hanyou was going to die and stay that way.

"Get her off of me." Kagome smirked at him. It seemed that she was just a bit too much for the big, strong hanyou to handle. Sango broke free of Miroku and rushed to Kagome, embracing her in a fierce hug. Kagome's hands were knocked free of Inuyasha's neck as a result. Both women crashed on top of him, pinning him to the ground. "Damn it, get off of me." Inuyasha jumped up, dumping the weepy women off of him and on to the dirt.

"Take care on how you treat my mate, half breed." Sesshoumaru flicked his wrist and slashed Inuyasha across his chest with his poison whip. Blood seeped out of the slash and stained his haori a deeper red. Inuyasha flinched but refused to show any other signs of pain, but Sesshoumaru knew it stung like hell. "Now explain to this Sesshoumaru why you abandoned your friend."

"Damn you, you bastard. It's like you said, it's mating season, my beast took over, okay." Inuyasha stuffed his hands into his haori sleeves and looked away in embarrassment.

"Do not attempt to lie your way out of this."

"I'm telling you the truth okay."

"If you lost control, it is because you never had it to begin with," Sesshoumaru stated.

"Sesshoumaru, he can't be blamed for his beast taking over any more than you can," a teary eyed Sango looked up from mauling her friend.

Sesshoumaru glared at the ignorant slayer. "He is to blame for his lack of control, because as a hanyou his does not have a beast."

"What? But I thought all demons had a beast." Sango stared at him slack-jawed and wide-eyed as Kagome untangled their limbs.

"Hanyou are not youkai. The human blood prevents them from having a beast. They do however possess stronger instincts than a human. Many confuse this with them having a beast. Inuyasha had control over obeying his instincts last night whereas I had no control over my actions, but I do remember them."

"So it was a lack of will that led Inuyasha to abandon Lady Kagome not his beast taking over?" Miroku inquired as he walked over to the women and helped them stand.

"Feh, it's not like he knows what he's talking about. He's not a hanyou." Kagome looked over at Inuyasha. One thing she did know was that her 'mate' didn't lie, and Inuyasha did. He also kept quite about matters he didn't know. If Sesshoumaru said that Inuyasha had a choice and he didn't, well, she believed the youkai. That didn't mean she was going to forgive Sesshoumaru yet. The wounds were still too new. She would forgive Sesshoumaru, eventually, she was just that kind of person. Like she said, she knew it wasn't his fault, she just wasn't in the forgiving mood, and until she was he was in the dog house. "Besides, it's not like I'm the one who raped and knocked her up. That was the ice prick over there."

"I spent from dusk till after midnight fighting or hiding from Sesshoumaru. If you had come back, found me missing and come after me, then he and I wouldn't be in this mess now." Rage boiled inside of her. He was trying to pass the blame for his lack of responsibility onto others. It infuriated her. What kind of friend was he?

"Well it's not my fault you were the unlucky bitch he came across. He was heading in the opposite direction pretty fast after we defeated Naraku, how was I supposed to know he'd come back this way?"

"You know, Inuyasha, I talked to Sesshoumaru this morning before he led me back to camp. It seems his beast chose me the first time he met me. He knew it and sealed himself away every year since then trying to prevent this mess. Yet, you couldn't control your urges."

Sango gasped at this and looked at Sesshoumaru with something akin to awe and horror. "You've sealed yourself away for four mating seasons?" Sesshoumaru gave a curt nod. "My god, the pain you must have been in. Especially since your beast had chosen a female but not claimed her." She shuddered just thinking about the unimaginable agony he had endured.

"I would have sealed myself this year but I did not find a place in time."

"Lady Kagome, does that mean you forgive Lord Sesshoumaru?" Miroku asked.

"Hell, no. Just because I understand the situation doesn't mean I forgive him." She looked back at Inuyasha. "And you, you better hope you never see me again or I will probably kill you." She stomped over to her sleeping bag and shook it to knock out the loose debris. Everyone watched for a few moments as she bustled around camp collecting her things. "Well, I'm going home." Kagome walked over to Sango and Miroku and hugged them tightly. "You two have a good life. Get married and have lots of babies."

"Lady Kagome, aren't you returning. You have a mate here now, a life."

"Nope, it's like I told my 'dear mate' over there. I'm going home and staying where there are no youkai, hanyou or mating seasons."

"But, Kagome, hanyou pregnancies are very dangerous you'll need Sesshoumaru there. And you're Lady of the West now too." Sango reluctantly released her friend from the hug.

"Yeah, yeah, I already heard this. Thing is, I just don't care. I'll take my chances without a mate." With this Kagome left the group standing in the camp staring after her.

"What will you do now, Lord Sesshoumaru, she seems rather reluctant to forgive you." Miroku turned to the stoic lord.

"Indeed. I will give her what space I can but I will not abandon my mate." Sesshoumaru watched his mate stalk off in a huff. "In two weeks I will drag her back to my palace if she still refuses to accompany me."

"Sesshoumaru, please watch after her for us." Sango had started to cry once more. "She wasn't raised in this time she doesn't understand about demons and their beasts. No matter what she thinks she's going to need you."

He looked at the crying slayer and nodded. "Understanding and forgiveness are two different things." With Kagome on the edge of his senses he began to follow. He would have to give her what space he could, as he promised but, he refused to abandon his mate. No matter what, even her hatred and wrath, nothing would not stand in his way of protecting her and their pup.

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Kagome spent the last few days trudging through foul weather back to the bone eaters well. She was cold and wet and it only aggravated her anger further. To her surprise, her friends never came after her. She had expected Inuyasha to go off with Kikyou now that she knew his loyalties didn't lie with her. She did not expect Sango and Miroku to stay behind. She had assumed that after a short time they would gather their supplies and would have caught up with her. It only gave her one more thing to be angry about.

During the last few days of solitude, she had plenty of time to review her situation. Guilt tugged at her mercilessly. Her conscious reminded her that Sesshoumaru didn't have control over his actions. That he had done everything in his power to spare her for four years, despite the pain he brought to himself. It was only a matter of time before the odds were against them. It reminded her that he didn't like the situation anymore than she did. She ruthlessly squashed the annoying voice. She'd be damned if she was willing to forgive and forget yet. She was ashamed of herself for taking out her anger, fear and frustrations on the mostly innocent youkai lord, but she clung to her unwarranted reaction.

It was only a matter of time before she was worn down by common sense and her innately good heart. Just not yet. She could sense her guard dog following at a distance ever since she left her friends. It both reassured her that he was keeping to his word of giving her space and angered her that he was there at all. He never approached her and she knew he wouldn't unless he felt it was necessary, or she initiated it. She was terrified of the changes that have been wrought on her and she resented them. She knew that she couldn't hide in her time forever. There was no way she'd sacrifice an innocent child and have an abortion, and there was no way to hide a hanyou forever. She barely managed to keep Inuyasha under wraps when he visited. She didn't want to think of the trouble a hanyou child would cause in her time.

She'd have to return to the feudal era eventually and never see her birth family again. She'd have to give up her chances at a normal life and she resented it. She was now the mate and lady of the most powerful youkai in all of Japan and. She resented that as well. She did not resent her unborn child but she did loath the way it was created. It should have been a beautiful thing, not something born of fear and primal need. All she wanted right now was to visit her adopted son and then go home for as long as she could. And damn it, she needed her mommy.

She also needed to bite the bullet and talk to Sesshoumaru about her pregnancy. He had said that he needed to be with her to aid her at various times during the pregnancy or she risked loosing the child. She needed to find out what kind of aid and how often. She needed to find out what to expect from having a hanyou. Was there a special diet she needed? Did she need bed rest after a certain month? Was labor more difficult than a human birth? How long was the pregnancy? There were too many questions and only one person at the moment to answer them. Now she just had to get up the courage to do it.

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Sesshoumaru had watched his mate for several days now. He made sure to stay far enough away to give her space but close enough to be there for her if there was a need. He was always at the edge of her senses and she on his. She had stopped today to visit with her kit. Before the battle with Naraku, the fire cat had been sent back to the village with the kit and ordered to stay there to guard him in case they failed. It wasn't past Naraku to go after the kit if he had won the battle.

Sesshoumaru moved swiftly though the trees surrounding the village and scouted the area around the well. He knew of her origins and her means of transport to her home. He would not allow any threat near his mate or pup to be. He may have failed in protecting her from himself but he wouldn't disappoint her again. Circling back to the village, he waited for her to finish her visit. He would stay closer here, where the humans could be as much as a threat to her as demons could.

Several hours later she left the village of the elderly miko and headed for the well. It was time to let her know that she wasn't leaving his protection no matter what. He raced ahead of her enjoying the brief run and allowed the wind coursing through his hair to calm him before the fight he knew was coming with his little mate. He steeled himself for her rage as she entered the clearing and stopped to stare at him. This was the first time he'd shown himself to her since they left her friends.

"Mate, I will accompany you to your home." He made sure to infuse as much steel into his monotone voice as possible. He hoped against hope that she'd only put up a token fight on this.

"Do not call me mate." She replied tersely. "As for coming with me, forget it. I don't need a chaperon there. You've never been and there is no saying you can even get through the portal. Inuyasha was the only one to ever make it through unless you count Yura's hair."

"Yura?"

"Yura of the hair. She was a demon that controlled hair obviously. She sent some hair through the well but she never came herself. Anyway it doesn't matter 'cause you're not going." She lifted her head higher and thrust out her chin in defiance. Pointedly ignoring him, she preceded to the well. When she was abreast, of him he grabbed her around the waist, causing her to start. She obviously wasn't expecting that. He knew it could set back his reparations with her, but her safety was more important than her forgiveness. He had the feeling he'd be adding many more crimes to his list before he'd earn it anyway.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Assisting my mate with jumping down a dry well to travel to the future." It was amazing on how he was able to keep his smile from forming at her affronted look. It may take him several decades to earn her trust but really at times like this it was worth aggravating her.

"I just got done telling you that you can't get through." She explained as if he was slow to grasp this concept.

"We'll just have to see if I can get through now won't we?" Sesshoumaru tightened his grip and pulled her flush to his chest. He gracefully leapt into the dark confines of the well and into a burst of blue light with his infuriated mate.