Passion

Disclaimer: I don't own them. What a pity.

Chapter II – Why?


They had found a place to camp under a ledge halfway up a small, rocky hill. From there they had a good view over the valley below them and no enemy would be able to approach unnoticed. The trees of the valley’s forest stopped at the foot of the hill and only grass and some bushes grew up the slope.

Shippo was busy rustling through these bushes in search for wood for a fire while the others tended their wounds. Well, at least some of them did.

Miroku, instead of cleansing the deep scratch on his left leg, was eyeing the girls who sat some steps away with longing. Sango had taken off her armour and bared a white shoulder where the talons of a youkai had caused deep cuts. Kagome had washed the dried blood away and was now applying salve to the wounds. Miroku had offered to do this so that Kagome was able to look after her own injuries, but he had received a menacing glare from Sango and chosen to withdraw.

The monk couldn’t suppress a slight smile. What a picture! Sango’s white, muscular shoulder and the tiny hint of a soft-curved breast … and Kagome-sama tending the wounds of others though she looked more than any of them as if she was in need of some medical treatment. Her clothes were bloodstained and dirty, her legs covered with scratches, her lower lip looked like she had bitten into it with full strength … she was a horrible sight. But she had said that she wasn’t injured, or at least much less than the others and simply ignored his as well as Sango’s request to let them look at her injuries – a request for which he had received another icy glare from the demon slayer.

He sighed and bent his head to look at his own wound. Just a scratch, but it was deep and bled freely. He raised his head again when Kagome dropped down next to him, holding the small pot with salve in her hand.

‘I think you need this for your wound.’

Miroku’s eyes narrowed. He did not like the look on her face: distant, like she was dreaming, her eyes dark and veiled. Her voice seemed to come from far away – everything about her looked like their Kagome was somewhere far, far away and only her body was with them. What could have caused this? Why was she acting so strange?

In his mind he formed a plan to call her back to her friends. He gave her his most lecherous smile, pulled up his robes a bit further and, dropping his voice, he said, ‘Would you please do it, Kagome-sama? I would like to feel your gentle fingers.’

Sango glared daggers at him, but both their jaws dropped wide open when Kagome started rubbing the ointment on the cut – without even blinking. Miroku recovered first from the shock and snatched the pot out of her hand and his leg out of her reach.

‘It’s – It’s okay, Kagome-sama, you don’t have to.’

He exchanged a glance with Sango, who stepped over to them, pulled the unresisting Kagome up and led her back to where they’d sat previously.

‘Now, Kagome-chan, let me have a look at your injuries,’ Sango said with a concerned look in her eyes.

‘I’m not hurt, Sango-chan, really,’ Kagome answered with her far-away voice and yawned again.

Sango and Miroku exchanged another glance. The demon-slayer turned back to the girl sitting next to her.

‘Humph, go tell your Grandma. Just look at all this blood!’ Determination not to be shoved away sounded in her voice.

‘It’s not mine, Sango-chan; it’s from a demon. I’m not hurt.’

‘What about those scratches on your legs? No, don’t shake your head, Kagome-chan! These can get infected if you don’t see to them. Now let me wash the blood and dirt away and have a look at them.’

She cast a warning glance over her shoulder. ‘You should see to your injuries, monk!’

Miroku sighed; he did not want to be hit over the head by Sango with her giant boomerang – not after the battle – so he bent down to his leg again. Still he overheard the girls’ conversation: Sango’s determined voice scolding and Kagome-sama’s distant, dreamy one answering. The miko was surely acting strange! Now, come to speak of acting strange, she wasn’t the only one who did.

Miroku turned his head to the side, looking at a big rock some steps away where the hanyou sat. His sword cradled in his lap as though he was holding a baby, Inu Yasha was staring straight ahead into the forest. Or maybe at something only he could see.

What bothers him, the monk thought. I expected an angry yell from him when I was teasing Kagome, but he didn’t say a word. Why?

Inu Yasha was really surprisingly silent. He had not made any objections to stop for this day, though it was still some time till sunset and he usually pushed the group until it was too dark to see anything. Actually, he had not said a word since they had left the clearing where they’d found Kagome. First he had still been far too surprised by Sesshomaru’s words – and actions - to say anything. But now Inu Yasha was silent for another reason, for now he was doing something he rarely ever did: he was thinking.

Thinking was something Inu Yasha did not like to do. Usually it only confused him and caused a headache. He wasn’t a thinker; he was a man of action. But now he needed to think about what had happened. There was something … something odd going on.

Kagome had been afraid when he had found her. Afraid – and not of his brother. She didn’t have that frightened look on her face when she looked at that bastard. But then afraid of what? The demons were dead and surely she wasn’t afraid of her friends!

Another thing that confused the hanyou was the expression on his friend’s face when she had stared at his brother. What was it? Well, Sesshomaru had saved her, okay – but for some reasons of his own, certainly, not because he wanted to save her! Nevertheless, there had been something in her eyes Inu Yasha would have called admiration if it hadn’t been his brother. Kagome would never admire that bugger! Even if he had saved her.

But why did he save her? What was he planning? Soothing her mistrust and then using her to steal Tessaiga? Inu Yasha shook his head. All those damned questions and he couldn’t find an answer! And still he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Why had he saved her? Why had he ‘shielded her with his body’? Risking physical damage just to save a human woman? Not Sesshomaru! Did he lie then? But why should he lie? He had never lied before. And Kagome hadn’t contradicted him …

He sniffed the air, searching for the girl’s scent. This was another unsettling matter: she smelled different somehow. Her scent was heavier, earthier than before. Though this might be due to the fact she was still covered in the smell that had filled the clearing. Blood, demons … and this other thing he wasn’t able to name. Something deep in his mind whispered to him that he knew what this smell was, but Inu Yasha ignored it.

And she reeked of his brother!

Inu Yasha remembered what his brother had said previously to explain that fact; ‘It was necessary to shield her with my body.’ His eyes narrowed. That didn’t explain anything, did it? Why then had Sesshomaru said that? To confuse him? Huh, if that had been his reason he had succeeded very well! Inu Yasha growled, annoyed. Damn that guy! There was only one way to get to know the truth: he had to ask Kagome!

Without further thinking Inu Yasha leapt from his rock and landed next to Miroku. ‘Oi, Kagome!’

His sudden arrival and his gruff voice startled his friends and interrupted Sango’s scolding. They all looked at him curiously.

‘Kagome, what happened?’

The girl’s curiosity changed to confusion. ‘What do you mean “What happened”?’

Inu Yasha growled impatiently. ‘What happened between you ‘n Sesshomaru?’

A sharp intake of breath from Miroku made Inu Yasha turn his head to the monk.

‘What?’

Miroku coughed. ‘Ah, Inu Yasha, don’t you think you … ah … push it a bit too far?’

‘Push it too far? What the hell do ya mean, eh?’

The monk sighed. ‘Obviously something different.’

Inu Yasha growled again as Sango threw the ointment pot at Miroku. ‘Pervert!’

Kagome looked at them, her eyes wide. ‘Ah, Inu Yasha, what exactly do you want to now?’

‘Fuck, everything that happened since you’ve run away from us!’

Kagome frowned. ‘I did not run away from you! And I already told you.’

‘Tell again!’

Kagome looked at him, her eyes still somewhat distant and dreamy. ‘Oh, well if you want. There were demons chasing me and I tried to run away from them but they trapped my. I shot as many as I could but more kept coming and soon I had no arrows left’ – her hand reached out to her quiver; there were some arrows in it. She had retrieved those who were still usable from between the remnants of youkai – ‘and I thought that this would be my end. But when they attacked me Sesshomaru appeared and killed them all.’

‘And what about the I-had-to-shield-her-with-my-body thing?’

Kagome blinked. Yes, Sesshomaru had said this when Inu Yasha was urging her to answer why she smelled of his brother. Why did Sesshomaru say it? It wasn’t true. Her eyes widened in surprise. He had lied? For her sake? He hadn’t shielded her … oh, well, yes, he had, but not to protect her from the demons but to protect her from the eyes of her friends. So, it was no lie – but it wasn’t the truth, either. But why did he say it?

He had saved her again with these words. Saved her … he had saved her not just once, but three times! First when he killed the demons, second when he shielded her from her friend’s eyes (Inu Yasha would certainly have killed her!) and third when he made this astonishing explanation. But why?

A low growl roused her from her thoughts. An impatient hanyou glared at her. Uh-oh …

‘Ah, he did – did shield me …’ The growl became louder and she sighed.

‘Don’t growl at me, Inu Yasha. I’ll tell you.’ She had a sudden inspiration – thank kami! ‘It was when he killed the demons. One sneaked up behind me and Sesshomaru reacted just in time and he moved to stand between us. He was able to kill the demon but it caught him off balance and he fell against me.’

Yup, that sounded good. In her mind she begged for Sesshomaru’s forgiveness for damaging his reputation, regretting that she had to diminish his fighting skills and doing so even more when she saw the sudden gleeful expression on Inu Yasha’s face.

The hanyou chuckled. ‘Stumbled, did he, eh?’

Kagome winced a little. Luckily Inu Yasha was ready to believe this in his eager to surpass his brother, but from their looks Sango-chan and Miroku-sama did not entirely do so and catching the monk’s questioning glance she hurried to ask, ‘Ah, what about the shikon shards? Were you able to get any?’

That diverted her friend’s attention from her story. They shook their heads.

‘No, we weren’t. Each time we killed a youkai who possessed a shard, a cloud of Saimyosho appeared and took it away,’ Miroku explained.

‘What about you, Kagome-chan? Those demons that chased you: did they have shards?’

‘Er … no, I don’t think so … At least, I haven’t sensed any.’

‘Did you see Saimyosho?’

‘No.’ And that was the truth. She had neither sensed a shard nor seen any of Naraku’s insects. She had been … occupied. She blushed furiously.

‘No need to worry, Kagome-chan.’ Sango interpreted her blush as one of shame for not sensing shards.

Kagome looked at her friend, confused. ‘Huh?’

But before either could say anything more Inu Yasha cut in. ‘Fine, now all know everything. Kagome, go and wash that stench off you! It’s disgusting! Oi, Shippo!’ he yelled at the fox demon. The child hopped nearer, his arms full of twigs for the fire.

‘You’ve been hopping all around the place. You know where water is?’

Shippo smiled. ‘Yes, I know! I brought some for everyone to clean their wounds. Over there,’ he pointed with a small paw down the hill, ‘there is a small waterfall and a pool. Do you need some water, Inu Yasha?’

‘No, but Kagome needs a wash! Hey, wench, off you go! Sango, you go with her!’

The demon slayer cast a sour glance at Inuyasha. ‘No need to order, I would’ve gone with her anyway.’

‘Fine, then go.’

Sango rolled her eyes. She took up her boomerang while Kagome searched in her bag for the things she needed. Then the girls went off into the direction Shippo had pointed. Miroku followed them with his gaze, his eyes worried. Kagome hadn’t changed expression as much as she usually did throughout their conversation – she hadn’t even sat Inu Yasha for being extraordinarily rude towards her! Her eyes were still veiled, her voice calm and distant. Is she under some spell? he mused, ignoring the beginning row between Inu Yasha and Shippo.

The girls found the waterfall of which Shippo had told them easily; it fell down from a rocky part of the hill into a small, deep pool. While Kagome undressed Sango checked the area. Kagome slipped slowly into the cold water of the pool, goose bumps appearing all over her body and she shivered.

‘You’re okay, Kagome-chan?’ asked Sango, her back still to the other girl, staring into the direction where their camp was as if she was expecting a certain monk to sneak up to them.

‘Y-Yes, i-it’s ju-just co-cold.’

Kagome quickly washed her hair. The cold water on her head was more than uncomfortable. She reached out for her shower gel and soaped her body, hissing softly when the soap touched a scratch.

‘Kagome-chan?’ Sango turned and gasped in shock at the sight of her friend. ‘Oh, Kagome-chan! That must hurt terribly! Why didn’t you say anything? It must have been a hard fight.’

Kagome stared at her friend. ‘Huh?’

Sango made a gesture with her hand. ‘The bruises and scratches all over your body!’

Kagome looked down – and she too gasped in shock. Down her breasts, belly and thighs there were several angry-looking bruises and long, red scratches. Here and there she spotted marks that looked like bite marks. She stood shocked, not understanding. The attacking demons never touched her! Then realization hit her.

She cried out, clapping her hands over her face, sinking down on her knees. WHAT HAVE I DONE??

‘Kagome-chan?’ Sango’s voice sounded alarmed. ‘What-?’

Kagome started crying. Oh gods, she thought. What have I done ? She hugged herself tight, rocking back and forth.

Sango dropped her boomerang and ran to her side, kneeling down next to the sobbing girl.

‘Kagome-chan! What’s up? Does it hurt? Kagome-chan?!’

Kagome wasn’t listening; her mind repeated the one sentence all over again. What have I done? ‘Oh gods,’ she whispered under her sobs.

She had … had … had … given everything she had to give, her first kiss, her virginity, her body to none other then Sesshomaru!! Well, the first kiss he had taken by force but everything else she had given freely. Had she been mad? How could she have done it? HOW? And freely! And she had liked it, no, loved it! O gods …

She had betrayed Inu Yasha, had lied to her friends … Madness! Why hadn’t she realised before? Why? She had been in a trance, could scarcely remember what she had said and done after he had left them. What had he done to her? And what had she done?

She hadn’t even thought of stopping him! She had welcomed him! She had wanted him! Sesshomaru! Inu Yasha’s hated brother! The cold, indifferent, heartless killer Sesshomaru! O gods …

Her sobs became hysterical. Sango took her shoulders and shook her hard, but Kagome couldn’t stop crying.

‘Kagome-chan, please, tell me!’ The demon slayer’s voice sounded desperate. She hugged the sobbing girl, caressed her wet hair and whispered soothing words, rocking her like a child but Kagome couldn’t stop crying.

Sango raised her head as she heard steps approaching them.

‘Sango? Kagome-sama?’ Miroku’s voice echoed through the wood. ‘Are you okay?’

The monk came into sight and stopped at the picture in front of him. Quickly, he tore his eyes away from Kagome’s naked body, blushing slightly.

‘Uh, sorry, I just came to ask whether you’re okay, you were away for so long and …’ Then he realized the sounds he heard. Staring right over their heads he asked, ‘What’s up? Why is Kagome-sama crying?’

‘I don’t know. I asked her about the bruises on her body and she started crying.’

‘Bruises? So she’s hurt?’

‘Yes, she has bruises and scratches all over her. I don’t know how she got them, maybe in the fight earlier. If so it must have been a terrible battle.’

‘And she hasn’t complained once … hm.’

‘No time to think about that now. Help me to get her out of the water!’

‘Uh, Sango …’ He blushed harder.

‘Well, she can’t keep sitting in there, it is damn cold and I could need a little help. What’s up with you, Miroku? I thought you would have liked it.’

Did he hear a bit of sarcasm in her voice? No, must have been imagination. He sighed and stepped forwards to help Sango.

They pulled the still desperately crying Kagome out of the water, and while Miroku hold her up – this time his hands stayed where they ought to – Sango dried her swiftly with Kagome’s towel. They had a hard time dressing the girl for she hung limply in Miroku’s arms. All the while they both kept talking to her, but Kagome didn’t react and kept sobbing quietly. They exchanged worried glances and led her back to camp.

Their arrival interrupted the still continuing row between kitsune and hanyou. They stopped shouting and stared, both wide-eyed. Then they jumped up and asked simultaneously,

‘What happened?’

Sango and Miroku led Kagome up to them and sat her gently down. Sango kept her arms around the other girl’s waist and shoulders, holding Kagome close to her. Shippo stepped nearer, his eyes wide in fear.

‘What happened? What’s up with her? Is she hurt?’ he whispered.

‘Don’t worry, Shippo, she will be all right,’ Miroku reassured him.

‘Don’t worry?’ Inu Yasha yelled. ‘But I do worry! What made her cry?’

‘Sit down, Inu Yasha.’ Miroku’s voice was calm and steady. ‘It’s very charming to see your worry for Kagome but please don’t shout.’

Inu Yasha snorted. ‘Keh.’

Shippo touched Kagome’s knee hesitatingly, his large green eyes on her face that was buried in Sango’s shoulder. Her hands lay in her lap, twitching. He took one of it with both paws and squeezed it. She didn’t react. Tears welled up in his eyes.

‘She will be all right?’ He needed reassurance.

Miroku patted his head. ‘Yes, of course. She just needs rest and sleep, that’s all.’

‘Really?’

‘Really really.’

‘But why is she crying?’

‘Yeah, why is she crying, Miroku? What’s up with her? She’s been all calm before.’ Inu Yasha leaned closer to the monk and stared at him.

Miroku shrugged. ‘Shock, I think.’

‘Shock?’ Shippo and Inu Yasha once more asked unanimously.

‘Yes. Don’t you remember what Kagome-sama told us? After terrible events the human mind goes into a kind of trance and after some time it fades away and the original reaction takes place.’

‘Terrible events? What events?’

‘Uh, everything that happened today I’d say. First the attack of Naraku’s demons, then her own fight against them and, not to forget, that Sesshomaru saved her. I think it was just a bit much for her. Let her be.’

Kagome heard the voices of her friends through her sobs, she felt Sango’s hug and Shippo squeezing her hand but her body was still limp with shock, while her mind could only ask why.

Why did it happen? Why did he start in the first place? Why didn’t I stop him? Why did I let him continue? Why did I like it? Why???

After a while her sobs became quieter, then they faded into soft hiccups and finally she fell asleep against Sango’s shoulder. Shippo unfolded her sleeping bag and they laid her down on it, hoping she would sleep deep and peaceful and that tomorrow she would be all right again.


* ~ * ~ * ~ *


Whispering voices invaded her sleep and she stirred. Her lashes fluttered on her cheeks. She heard birds singing, a slight breeze brushed over her face and she felt warmth on her left hand: an early beam of sunlight peeped over the trees and lighted their camp. She smelled fire and roasted flesh.

Still half asleep, she tried to open her eyes, but the lids were too heavy and she ended her struggles and dozed off again. After a while, though, she felt eyes staring at her. Once more she tried to open her eyes.

‘Hn?’ she murmured.

‘Kagome, you’re awake?’ Shippo asked in a piercing whisper. She smiled and finally succeeded in lifting her eyelids. The small fox sat in front of her, his green eyes intently on her face.

Kagome smiled sleepily at him and sat up. Instantly she regretted this movement for her whole body protested. She felt like she had been beaten up. The skin on her breasts and thighs burned, her nipples ached horribly and between her legs she felt utterly sore.

At her sudden intake of breath and pained expression Shippo stepped nearer, worry on his face.

‘You’re okay, Kagome? Are you still in shock?’

Shock? Had she been shocked? By what? Why did she feel so bad? Then the memory of yesterday’s events came back. Moaning she buried her face in her hands. O gods …

‘Kagome? Please, what’s wrong?’

The girl pulled herself together and, remembering what the monk had told her friends, she decided it would be the best to leave it at that. So she raised her head again and forced herself to smile reassuringly at the child.

‘I’m okay, Shippo-chan. Don’t worry. I’m just a bit … groggy.’

Shippo smiled back. Then he jumped up excitedly. ‘Oh, Kagome, we have a surprise for you!’ He giggled.

‘A surprise?’

Shippo giggled again, nodded and pointed back to the fire where a red-clad figure sat and watched them from out of the corners of his eyes.

‘Yes, Inu Yasha and I prepared breakfast! We thought you would like it because now you don’t have to do it! Wasn’t that a good idea?’

Kagome blinked at him, then at the fire and at Inu Yasha, who was very busy tending the flames. There were some twigs stuck up, with parts of meat roasting on them. In front of the fire lay a large leave with dark red berries on it. One of her bottles was filled with fresh water.

‘Wow, Shippo-chan, you thought of everything.’

‘You like it? It was Inu Yasha’s idea, you know, and he went and caught some animals to eat and I collected the berries and fetched water to drink,’ Shippo babbled on.

‘It was Inu Yasha’s idea?’ Kagome looked at the hanyou, her eyes wide with surprise.

He blushed slightly and growled, but Shippo left him no time to say something. The little fox hopped around excitedly, urging Kagome to get up and have breakfast, fetching her shoes for her, pouring her a cup of water and being in everything the little child he was. Kagome couldn’t help smiling. He was so cute!

His incessant chattering woke the other two, and Shippo was only too glad to tell again of the surprise for Kagome and what he and Inu Yasha had done. He really enjoyed their surprised faces and remarks, but his partner in crime obviously did not.

Inu Yasha felt uneasy and embarrassed. When he had woken up he thought it a good idea to surprise Kagome with breakfast, for usually she complained about having to do it all on her own. When he had tried to get the bottle for the water from where it lay at Kagome’s side, Shippo woke up and Inu Yasha was forced to tell the little one what he was up to. Shippo immediately wanted to help him surprise his dear Kagome and at first he really was a help.

But now the brat kept telling it was all his idea and everyone was staring at him surprised and making remarks about him doing so and being so nice and kind …

That was the last straw and he hit Shippo over the head with the filled water-bottle and yelled, ‘Stop babbling, you idiot! You don’t have to tell it all thousands of times!’

Shippo whined at that harsh treatment, Sango shook her head and Miroku scolded, ‘Now, Inu Yasha, calm down. There’s no need to hurt Shippo.’

Inu Yasha growled. ‘And no need for him to keep tellin’ the same stuff thousands of times. And no need for you all to be so surprised!’

‘But it’s a rare thing for you to be so considerate.’

‘Keh.’

‘Kagome?’ interrupted Shippo’s anxious voice and three heads turned to the girl. The fox had looked for shelter from Inu Yasha’s treatment at the girl’s side, but she hadn’t jumped in to protect him and to sit the hanyou. In fact, she had just sat there on her sleeping bag, staring into space.

‘Huh?’ She blinked at him.

‘You’re okay?’

Kagome tore her mind from the memories of yesterday’s events she had been pondering on and smiled at the child. ‘Don’t worry, Shippo-chan.’ She patted his head.

‘Ah, and thanks to you,’ she lifted her gaze to look at Inu Yasha and gave him a warm smile, ‘and to you, too, Inu Yasha, for your surprise.’

‘You like it?’ Shippo squealed happily.

‘Yes, I do. But tell me, is this breakfast something to talk about or is it something to eat?’

Immediately fox demon and hanyou turned to the waiting meal and shared it out to their friends. Kagome smiled and laughed with them, but behind her back Sango and Miroku exchanged just another thoughtful glance. Was she really okay? She had not sat Inu Yasha for being unkind to Shippo …

Some hours later even their doubts vanished. The group had been scrambling up into the mountains since morning, heading into the direction they had seen Naraku’s insects disappear in the slight hope to find some rumours about his whereabouts – or himself. By noon they were all out of breath and tired but Inu Yasha kept urging them forwards. Finally, Miroku stopped and leaned heavily on his staff.

‘Ah, Inu Yasha … let’s rest for a while.’

The girls dropped down without waiting for the answer.

Inu Yasha glared at them. ‘Hey, what’s up with ya? No time to sit and rest! C’mon, we must find Naraku.’

‘He has to wait a little longer,’ Sango answered and Kagome nodded.

The hanyou grumbled. ‘Keh. If it hadn’t been for Kagome’s dawdling we could’ve -’

‘SIT!’

Sango and Miroku smiled. Yes, Kagome was back to her normal self.


* ~ * ~ * ~ *


During the next few days, Kagome did her best to act like usually and to forget what had happened, but it was very hard. Though the soreness between her legs faded within one day and the bruises and scratches healed well her body kept reminding her.

Her skin was strangely over-sensitive; it hurt whenever somebody touched her. Her arms were aching and deep inside of her she felt a longing for something …

At nights it was even worse, for when she closed her eyes she could see him and almost feel him. Feel his soft lips touching hers, feel his fingers on her burning skin, feel him deep inside of her … but only almost and each night she nearly cried with the need to feel it all again in reality.

It was so embarrassing, so shameful to feel like this! She did not want it but could not stop it. She was ashamed of herself; more so because she was betraying Inu Yasha, the man she truly loved. Of course she loved him! She had loved him all these months … yet she had never felt for him what she was now feeling whenever she thought of his brother …

Oh, Inu Yasha, she thought sadly. Why? Why did it happen? Why me?

With all her heated feelings of longing and shame she just could not forget what had happened. Though it was clearly the best she could do. She would never be able to tell anybody and it would certainly not happen again … She did not want it to happen again! Just why had it happened? Why had he saved her? Why had he kissed her?

Her mind kept on dwelling on these questions and she struggled to find answers. She had no explanation for why he had saved her. But maybe … he just hadn’t saved her at all? Maybe he had just been about to kill these demons, Naraku’s demons, and saving her had been some kind of by-product? Then the kiss … she just did not know what to think. She did not know what to do. She was so utterly confused.

What could she, what should she do?

The little voice in the back of her head had come back, after some days of sulking, and now it was constantly giving advice. It did not improve the situation with its repeated line Just forget what had happened.

Hell, what do you think I’m trying to do! she thought angrily one night after hearing it for the umpteenth time.

Obviously you are not trying hard enough. And sometimes you just don’t try at all, the voice added accusingly.

Kagome blushed.

Don’t deny it. I know it. You are still listening to Instinct.

Huh? Instinct? I don’t know about a voice of Instinct. I just hear you.

Oh, it’s very clever. It hides well in your mind and you don’t really hear it. It whispers to you and you think its words are your own thoughts.

Huh?

Every time you’re thinking about Sesshomaru in this … way. That’s Instinct.

Shut up.

There, that’s it! Heard it?

Kagome shook her head vigorously. This was stupid! Was she going crazy, talking to a voice in her head? Resolutely, she pushed it away. No more reason tonight, she thought, wriggling deeper into her sleeping bag.

She sighed softly. Was this voice right? Did she not try to forget? But how could she forget, with all those images so vivid in her mind …

I can’t forget what happened, whatever I do. It was too … great, too new, too overwhelming … Hey, was this Instinct? Keep out of my thoughts!

She turned. She was restless tonight. Her body was tormenting her like it had never done before. She felt like burning inside, her nipples budded and the fire inside of her started to concentrate deep in her belly … What was happening?

You know, she heard a faint whisper. He’s here … near … Sesshomaru …

She started, drawing in her breath sharply.

‘What’s up?’ asked a gruff voice from the other side of the campfire. She raised her head. Inu Yasha sat there, staring at her. Her other friends were long asleep and the flames of the fire were already dying. It must have been late.

‘Oh, you’re awake?’ Kagome asked feebly.

‘You woke me with all your tossin’ and turnin’.’

‘Uh, I’m sorry, I -’

‘Never mind. Tell me, what’s up?’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘I know there’s something ya aren’t tellin’ me, don’t lie!’

‘Uh, Inu Yasha …’ Now, what should she say? He kept his eyes on her, amber eyes, piercing … Sesshomaru …

She flinched again.

‘What is it, Kagome? What startled you? Did you sense something?’

Oh, so he wasn’t referring to the ‘incident’ some days ago? She sighed in relief. ‘I – I thought I sensed a demon. But it was only short and now it’s gone,’ she finally answered.

Another lie. I keep telling them lies …

Inu Yasha sniffed the air, then nodded. ‘No demon near us.’ He looked at her again. ‘Just go to sleep, Kagome.’

She smiled weakly at him and lay back down. Sleep? She couldn’t sleep … She closed her eyes, trying to will herself into it.

Inu Yasha watched her. He had been watching her for the last days, ever since that ‘incident’. There was something about her he could not name. Her scent hadn’t changed back, it stayed stronger, earthier. From time to time it grew even stronger, clouding his mind until he had some very unfitting thoughts about Kagome and himself. He blushed slightly at the memory. No good to think about Kagome like this.

This change in her scent had kept worrying him. It would not change for nothing, so what had happened? He sniffed the air once again, trying to get as much of her scent in as he could. What was it that had changed? She used to smell so nice and fresh and innocent.

Innocent …

He stiffened and his eyes widened. That was it! Her smell had lost its innocence! And there was only one reason for it: she had lost her innocence. Again there was only one way and one time she could have lost it: the ‘incident’.

Now he that got the clue, he clearly remembered the stench that had hung over the clearing: sex. That explained why she had reeked of his brother, too. Protect her with his body? Ha, that bastard! Inu Yasha clenched his fists. Now everything fell into place. It could not be otherwise: they had …

What a disturbing, disgusting thought! No, it could not be true! Kagome would NEVER have done that. She would NEVER let his brother touch her … No, she would not, would she?

Inu Yasha’s eyes narrowed further and a tint of red flashed trough them. Had he raped her? Had this ass-hole forced Kagome? That would explain her trance-like calmness, her shock, her fear …

But she hadn’t feared his brother. There had been no fear in her eyes when she had looked at him. Furthermore, she had prevented himself from fighting the little bugger. One more thing that spoke against her being raped was that she surely would have told him if it had been the case. Of course she would! So it could not be true … He felt relieved.

Though only for some few moments, because if his brother had not raped her and she had not given herself to him, than how had she lost her innocence? And she had not given herself to that bastard! It was completely ridiculous just to consider it for a second!

Inu Yasha growled. Again he had tried to think and again it had only confused him. He rubbed his temples. Great, tomorrow he would have a headache. He pushed all thoughts away from him. It was not good to dwell on them, he could ask Miroku tomorrow, the monk would surely now the answer. Inu Yasha yawned and fell asleep.

Kagome sighed when his eyes finally finished boring into her back. She had heard the growls and was wondering what could have caused them. Maybe Inu Yasha knew what had happened after all?

Does he know? Is he angry with me? She peered over her shoulder. He was asleep. Oh, I don’t think he is, otherwise he would be yelling at me right now. What he said moments ago … Does he know I lied to him, to them all? No again, for the same reasons. He would be more than angry if he knew. She sighed. She was so tired; tired of all her feelings and her shame and thinking …

She turned again and willed herself into sleep.


* ~ * ~ * ~ *


On a cliff high in the mountains stood a lone, white-clad figure. The silver rays of the moon illuminated its white clothes and silvery hair, giving it a bluish shimmer. The eyes were shadowed, only a sparkle could be seen as they were fixed on the distant, red glow of a campfire. A slight smile appeared on the narrow lips, softening the whole facial expression of the silent observer. She had finally fallen asleep.

He had been following the woman for some days now, keeping a distance so that his brother would not be able to smell or sense him, and observing her from afar. He had seen her trying to act as if nothing had happened and wondered a bit whether this ought to please him or annoy him. He had noticed her changed scent, a scent much more pleasing than it had been before for now that she was his; he had also noticed those times when her scent became stronger, calling to him over the distance between them.

He had known that she had thought of him and each time he wanted to storm into her camp and take her away to a hidden place and possess her again. He wanted her, badly; he had always wanted her, from the first time he had seen her. Well, at least some part of him had wanted her.

He had been very surprised, not to say taken aback, at his body’s reaction when he saw her for the first time. She had been standing behind his brother, staring daggers at him. He remembered it all too clearly: her courage and her defiance, her unexpected display of intelligence when she told his brother to take Tessaiga and thus humiliate him. But it had been left to her to draw the sword out – and the beast inside of him screamed at him to take this girl and to make her his.

Of course he had not done so. He was a demon of high birth, a lord. Not some stupid animal listening only to its instincts, and he would definitely not take a human woman like his father had done and had thus degraded himself. He would not make this mistake.

But every time their paths crossed again the beast that was his demonic nature had screamed and begged for that girl. It was very annoying. He had wondered why the demonic beast yearned for a human. Sure, she was not just some ordinary woman – he had always known she had some magic powers, had detected them in her aura and in her scent. Was it the magic that drew the beast to her, he had mused. What ever it had been, he had denied it. Until some days ago …

He had been travelling through the forest, searching for Naraku, when a light wind brought her scent to him – alone; surrounded by demons; her friends not near her. The beast had reacted and he found himself running through the forest towards her. He had seen her shooting her last arrow and did not hesitate to attack and to kill all those who were threatening her. After the fight, with his beast still in control, he had given in to its need and possessed her.

The smile deepened. She was an astonishing creature! He had never expected her to react like she did, rather expected her to fight against him and to beg him to let her go … but she had done neither. She had reacted to his kiss, to his touch. She had kissed him and touched him in return. She had not been afraid when the beast had taken over completely; no, in fact she reacted as though there was a demonic beast inside of her, too. He had taken her. Now she was his.

He did not wonder anymore why he yearned for her, a human, like he did. Not after she had cried out in ecstasy when she had reached the peak.

The smile deepened. Did Inu Yasha know? No, of course not. He had just found out himself. And if Inu Yasha had known, the hanyou would have made sure long ago that this could not happen. But it was too late now. The woman, Kagome, belonged to him, Sesshomaru.

The sparkle in his eyes became stronger when his nose caught her scent once again. Her body was calling out to his and it responded – he felt himself harden painfully. She wanted him, too. Red flashed through his eyes, clearly visible even in the shadows thrown by the moonlight.

Soon, he thought. Soon …