Innocent Beginnings

Disclaimer: InuYasha and Co. © Rumiko Takahashi

Innocent Beginnings

Chapter 2: How it began…


I’d been staring at the same spot outside the window of Sacred Heart Children’s Home for over an hour. I knew it because I’d looked at the clock when Ayame, the coolest nurse in the place, which wasn’t saying very much, had brought me to my ‘spot’. It was part of a game I played with myself, checking the clock once I was brought over to the east window of the rec room and not looking again until I was sure an hour EXACTLY had passed. I’d gotten pretty darned good, too. Sometimes I tried to see just how long I could go without blinking and had actually made it to 120- I counted silently to myself as I did this, you see.

They thought I was brain damaged from the accident that had taken the lives of my parents. They’d run every test they could think of over and thru my body but had yet to find anything to support their conclusions. The fact was, I really didn’t care anymore. I didn’t WANT to learn how to walk correctly again, or pick up a spoon, or speak to anyone. I didn’t want to read a book or listen to my CD’s or win at Playstation 2. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to just disappear. I wanted to have been taken in that accident just as my mother and father had been. I didn’t really want to live.

Six months I’d been in this place. I was almost 15 years old now with a birthday approaching more quickly than I could ever remember one having done so before. I reahopehoped nobody knew my birthdate. I didn’t want a party with balloons, cake, presents and friends. I wanted to be left alone.

I’d learned to close out the sounds of the small children playing around me when I was brought to ‘join in’ with the others during R&R time but their laughter sometimes made me cry and I never wanted anybody to see my cry... or laugh. I wanted them to forget about me.

A ball rolled over against my left wheel and I turned to watch as Ichi, a cute five year old with two front teeth missing, ran up to retrieve it.

“Hi Rin!”, he grinned shyly, his face reddening as he bent to grab the ball. “Why won’t you ever talk to me?”, he asked. I wished I could’ve told him it wasn’t personal, that I just didn’t talk to anybody anymore. But I couldn’t find the will to even try. He shrugged his shoulders, his smile turning inside out and my heart ached. I hadn’t meant to make him sad, I simply just didn’t care anymore.

I turned back to the window, looking back once more at the clock to begin my game all over again. The clock read ten of two.

So into my game, so into my own thoughts was I that never heard him approach. I don’t know how long he’d stood there, slightly behind me and to my left before I heard him clear his throat. From the sound of it, he’d done it more than once, as if I even cared.

I could just barely see him from the corner of my eye. He was very tall, had broad shoulders, long silver hair and a very intense stare. He also smelled very, very nice. I recognized the scent at once, JOOP. I’d had a THING about guy’s fragrances ever since I’d been a very little girl. You see, my father owned Matsumoto’s, a very exclusive, very big, very upscale string of department stores that specialized in clothing, fragrance and the like. THAT was where our family fortune had been made. That was what awaited me on the day I turned 21 and I couldn’t have cared less.

“Rin?”, I heard and the voice was what grabbed my attention. My heart accelerated at a rate I hadn’t felt in forever, I felt my face begin to heat and my hands turn clammy. I KNEW that voice.

I turned my face from the warmth of the sun that had been shining into the window, my only allowance of pleasure as I saw it, and looked up... up into the most beautiful amber eyes I’d ever seen, up into a smile that lit the entire room. He looked like an angel to me. The most beautiful angel you could imagine.

His hands were stuck in the pockets of his jeans, a pair of snug light colored denims. He wore a gray t-shirt with red ribbing around the neckline and over that, a dark brown leather jacket. One of his hands slipped out of a pocket and extended to my shoulder.

“I’m Sesshomaru.”, he said.

“I know who you are.”, I whispered, blinking hard before looking back up at him once more.

“You do, eh?”, he smiled, his eyes leaving mine only to race around the perimeter of the room. I knew what he was doing…

“It won’t do any good.”, I whispered hoarsely, my throat aching. How long HAD it been since I’d spoken aloud? Even I didn’t know.

“Excuse me?”, he said, leaning forward a bit. Oh, he DID smell so good!

“Don’t call them.”, I said, looking deeply into his eyes. If this was for real, I needed to remember the LOOK of him forever, if it was a dream- then I didn’t want to awaken ever again.

“Don’t call WHO? Are you talking about Mrs. Kaede?”, he asked with a lopsided grin.

“Yes.”, was all I could say.

“Ok, I won’t. But only if you’ll talk to me.”, he said with a frown, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze as he sank down to the floor by my side. Never had I hated my wheelchair more, my weak legs, mySELF.

He wrapped his arms around his knees and looked up at me, a pleasant smile on his handsome face. I knew that face like I knew my own, probably better. It had grinned, smirked, or frowned at me from every magazine before the accident. I’d watched it on the TV and even in the news. He didn’t disappoint in the flesh, upclose. If anything, he was even more handsome and sensual than he came across on paper or even film.

“Sooooo?”, he prompted, propping his chin into his palm as those golden orbs pierced mine.

“What do you want me to say?”, I whispered.

“Your name.”, he said.

“Rin”, I answered back.

“That’s it?”, he grinned, wrinkling his nose as if I’d told him something unsavory. It made me blush… was my name THAT horrible?

“What do you mean?”, I managed.

“I mean… my name is Sesshomaru Hara. You only have Rin to carry around? That’s just not fair!”, he laughed. “It’s such a pretty name too. Rin. Like an actress or maybe a singer.”, he said, charming me to the tips of my toes.

“Rin Matsumoto.”, I said, looking at my hands.

“Ahhhh… I thought as much. And that’s even lovelier Rin Matsumoto.” he smiled wider. “I’m gonna go grab a Coke out of the machine, what kind of fizzy will you have?”, he asked as he got to his feet, digging into his pockets for change. I started to protest but saw his firm, no nonsense look and changed my mind at once.

“Cherry Coke.”, I said. I can’t begin to tell you how long it had been since I’d tasted anything but water or milk.

“One Cherry Coke coming up, be right back.”, he said, moving away from me. The look on my face must’ve spoke volumes, for he backtracked, laying his hand to my shoulder once more and leaning toward me so that he could whisper in my ear.

“I won’t say anything to anybody so don’t look at me that way.”, he said, winking when I looked up into his eyes. I smiled. The first time I’d smiled since the accident. I knew because it felt as if rusted hinges squealed in my jaws when I did.

He was gone only a moment, before I heard the squeak of his trainers against the polished linoleum floor. I gasped when he pressed the cold can of pop against my arm, making him laugh before putting it into my hand.

“Sorry, it’s a bad habit that I can’t seem to break. Pisses my brother off so bad!”, he said as he sank to the floor at my feet once more. I watched him as he tipped the can, swallowing smoothly, his adam’s apple bobbing with each gulp. Wiping the back of his hand over his mouth, he grinned at me, sitting the can down beside him.

“Let me have that.”, he said, leaning up to take the can from me and popping the top. He handed it back, his fingers closed around mine on the can for just a second. “You have really pretty eyes.”, he said, reaching up to push my hair back behind my ear.

“Thank you.”, I said.

He nodded, picking up his can of coke to sip from once more. Nodding at me, he indicated I should do the same. Carefully I brought the can to my lips and tipped it just enough that a little bit flooded onto my tongue. I gasped at the coldness of it, the sharpness, the bubbles then hiccupped and giggled! He smiled, watching me.

“Was it good, Rin?”, he grinned.

“Yeah, it’s been so long-” I started to say and clamped my mouth shut. Even HE didn’t need to know everything.

“I’m sure it has”, he said , leaning forward just a bit. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for what happened to your parents… and to you.”, he said, his eyes growing soft and concerned.

“Mrs. Kaede.”, I said, frowning. Why did she seem to find it necessary to tell my life story as it were to anybody that came in to visit? Was my story so spectacular that it couldn’t be forgotten?

“Rin? Where did you go? “, Sesshomaru asked, his voice soft.

“Go?”

“Yeah, you’re HERE but you weren’t HERE for a minute. Want to tell me what’s bothering you?”, he asked,

“Nothing”, I said. I wasn’t naïve- I knew who and what he was. I knew why he was here in this place, here in front of me. I appreciated it, but I knew it was only for publicity’s sake. He was a world famous celebrity. Just how much DID he want to delve into my life? Not very much at all, I reckoned and tried to still my beating heart.

“Mrs. Kaede was just answering our questions about Sacred Heart and she mentioned you. I was interested. I thought I’d like to talk to you for awhile. I’m glad I did.”, he said, his eyes narrowing as he studied me.

“So, tell me what you enjoy.”, he said easily, picking his pop up once more to take a gulp of it. I saw the silver ring he wore on his middle finger and all I wanted to do was touch it right then, feel the smoothness of it underneath my fingertip.

He raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to speak, I suppose… but I’d already forgotten his question. That wasn’t unusual, really. My attention span wasn’t very long anymore and I tended to live in my own little world more often than not, but remembering my manners and also who I was sharing my time with, I smiled.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”, I asked.

“I’m really THAT boring to you, Rin?”, he asked, a pout forming on his lips.

“No, I just don’t concentrate very well anymore, I’m sorry.”, I said softly. He nodded as if he understood and then his eyes brightened.

“Would you mind if I pushed you outside for a bit of fresh air, it’s not really that cold.”, he said as he stood, brushing off his hands on his jeans.

“I guess it’s alright”, I said, not sure if it was or not but beyond caring. If Sesshomaru Hara wanted to take me out into the garden, who was I to say no? He nodded, walking behind me and I felt the chair roll backwards at once.

“Can we sneak by these nurses?”, he asked, bending down to whisper in my ear and I closed my eyes and shivered, the feeling of his breath warm on my neck.

“Sure, why not?”, I mumbled, my eyes on my lap as he swung me around and toward the doors. I felt as if everybody were looking at me and I hated every single moment of it. All I wanted was to get outside and away from all those eyes… away from everybody.

“Hey… take it easy, Rin.”, He said once he had me out the door and rolling down the hallway. I felt his hand on my shoulder, the fingers gently rubbing away at a knot of tension that had formed there. His hands were strong and sure, warm too.

“See? What did I tell you?”, he laughed from behind me as he swept us both out into the early afternoon sunshine. I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes and counting to ten. My head swam with a flood of sensations… light, sound, smell… everything. All at once I was in a totally different place and life didn’t seem so horrible anymore.

“Rin?”, he asked, putting the brake on my chair as he took a seat on the bench to my right. I looked at him… God help me, he was so cute! He smiled, the dimple that was actually a scar underneath his right eye deepening.

“Don’t you get outside much?”, he asked, reaching for my hand. “God, your hands are cold! Are you cold as well?”, he asked, rubbing my hands vigorously between his own before shrugging out of his coat and settling it around me. It felt warm, snug and safe… and his arms were just as strong and muscular as I’d always thought, even moreso.

“Always that way. My dad used to say-”, I laughed but then stopped, stumbling over my words.

“Your dad used to say what, Rin?”, he asked.

“My dad, he always said if you have cold hands then you have a warm heart.”, I finished off, not looking at him.

“Is that true then? Is your heart warm, Rin?”

“I don’t think so, Sesshomaru. Not anymore. But I’m not sure.”, I whispered.

“You never talk to anyone? Not since you got here? You won’t eat most of the time, you don’t smile…”, he said and his eyes filled with sadness. “Are you lonely?”, he asked, dipping his head so that he could look into my eyes.

“No, not lonely. Just… ok. I’m ok.”, I said.

“Would you mind if I come back to visit you… when I can.”, he asked.

“No I don‘t mind, that would be fine.”, I said, not believing for one second that he would set foot in the place ever again.

“Is there anything I can bring to you?”, he asked,

“No, I’ve got what I need, I suppose.”

“Would you do one thing for me? Just one.”, he asked.

I looked up at him, not believing he would ask me to do something for him. What could I do? Little or nothing.

“When I come back, I want you to be able to tell me that you’ve worked really hard on your physical therapy. I want to see you walk again, Rin. Would you do that… for me?”, he asked.

“I can try.”, I said.

“That’s all I ask. Just try really hard, I know you can do it. “, he said.

“Sesshomaru?”, I heard a deep male voice call from the doorway .

“Up in a bit.”, he smiled, waving his hand. “InuYasha… hey! Hold on… InuYasha!”, he shouted, making me cringe. I didn’t want to talk to InuYasha or anybody else for that matter. But it was too late, I already heard the sound of InuYasha’s footsteps as he walked down the lawn toward Sesshomaru and I.

“Rin, this is InuYasha, my younger brother. InuYasha meet Rin.”, Sesshomaru said, his gaze resting on me. I looked up into two beautiful golden eyes and wondered did all these boys have such lovely faces. Two deep dimples appeared on either side of a full, lush mouth when he smiled and I had no choice but to smile back. He was lovely.

“Hi Rin. It’s nice to meet you.”, he said

“Hi.”, I replied.

“Would you mind very much if I took your picture with Sesshomaru?”, he asked.

I saw Sesshomaru’s signal from my side, saw him get to his feet, felt his hand on my shoulder once more.

“It’s OK, InuYasha… maybe next time, eh?”, he said, squeezing my shoulder gently. But he might never come back… and then what would I have?

I swiftly reached up, touching his fingers, grasping them as I pulled his hand down toward mine.

“What is it, Rin?”, he asked, leaning down so that I could whisper into his ear.

“Would it be Ok to have a picture with you?”, I asked.

He smiled, raising up and turned to InuYasha. “We’d like a picture please... no… make that two!”, he said. InuYasha smiled, nodded and adjusted his lens as Sesshomaru put an arm around my shoulders and pressed his cheek to mine. I tried to smile, I’m sure it looked ghastly but I didn’t care. Sesshomaru was by my side and for the very first time since the accident I felt somewhat alive.

“There you go! Now, I’ll make sure we get these back to you very soon! It was nice to meet you, Rin. Take care!”, he said as he walked back up the hill to the doorway.

“Sessho… we’re almost ready to go.”, he shouted. Sesshomaru waved, nodded and sat down on the bench beside me as if he had nowhere better to go.

“Rin?”

I just looked at him, wondering what he could possibly have left to say to me. I wasn’t a veritable chatterbox and my company had surely not been THAT interesting. I waited.

“You will do what I asked.”, he said, more like a statement than a question.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Do you want me to take you back inside?”, he asked.

“No. It’s so pretty out today and I’ve not been out in such a long time. I think I’ll stay out here until they come looking for me.”, I said, turning my face up to be warmed by the sunshine.

I knew he was looking at me, I could FEEL the weight of his gaze… but I couldn’t watch him say goodbye. I was afraid I’d cry and I never wanted him to see me cry.

“Rin? Can I call you sometime?”, he asked.

“Me?”

“Yeah, you! I mean, my schedule is always crazy but I have the odd moment when I’m sitting around feeling sorry for myself with nobody to talk to and I just thought it might be nice to chat with you sometime… in between visits, of course.”, he said.

“Sure.”

“But you realize this means you’ll have to actually TALK to me, right? I mean, being pretty can only get you so far! I’ve sat here and looked at you but when I CALL you, you won’t have that pretty face to keep me occupied. You’ll have to talk!”, he smiled, reaching for my hand.

As I watched, he brought my hand to his lips and pressed them against the back of it. Just that simple touch left me trembling and I closed my eyes, wanting to remember it forever.

I felt him lay my hand back in my lap and opened my eyes, gazing out over the lawn.

“Wait a second…”, he said, digging in his pocket and bringing out a wadded up piece of gum wrapper. Smoothing it over his knee, he reached into the other pocket and pulled out a pen. I watched him bite his lip as he wrote on the wrapper, cap the pen and stick it behind his ear.

“Here you go. Just for you. Anytime you need me.”, he said and folding the small piece of paper, slid it into my palm.

“Goodbye Rin. It’s been a pleasure to meet you.”, he said, looking down at me.

“Thank you.”, was all I could manage before averting my eyes. I heard the sound of his footsteps as he walked back up the path to the door, thinking I heard him pause before I heard the sound of the door closing behind him. Only then did I release a breath, surprising myself. Instead of tears, I was smiling.