Blue moon and Red Fire

Chapter 19: Enlightenment comes suddenly.

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Oh, I have to tell you that I'm going to bring Ginta and Hakkaku into the story, because I love them both so much! But don't worry, only at a limited capacity, minor but pivotal roles in this chapter and the next. It's more for the development of Kouga...and I guess you could say Inuyasha too. Oh and while I'm doing this, I want to thank all of you readers who stuck with this story, so keep reading, it gets really, *really* good in the next few chapters, I promise.

~SDI
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“Whoa.” Souta's eyes brightened with astonishment, looking around the interior of Kouga's den with an excited awe. It was dark outside, the day had grown well into night, he could see clearly. He trailed behind everyone else a few steps, filled with an anxious energy that made him want to run ahead and explore every inch with Inuyasha by his side. “This place is so huge.”

Inuyasha just folded his arms and rolled his eyes with annoyment, for once he didn't like Souta's excitement. Souta was getting excited over *Kouga's* territory, and he was pretty sure Kouga was happy about that, it was almost like losing a battle he hadn't know he was fighting. “Tch..”

Houjo trailed behind Kouga , lagging nervously a few steps back, the boy's eyes shifted around the cave with a solemn reserve. He felt as if he should have been enjoying this, at lest the fact that they had he had reached the destination alone should have brought a relief, when Kouga said they were almost there, Houjo never thought they would have to go half way up a mountain. Instead of relief he felt a stirring in his chest, a strong guilt making his stomach sink, his mind and his eyes were focused on Kouga...

Kouga came to an abrupt stop, his face twinged in an almost frustrated look, as if he was trying to remember a half faded memory, or trying to take hold of something just out of reach. Finally his face settled on a steady annoyment. Where where they? He felt his temper immediately reach it's limit, with no patience at all. “What the hell? Where are they?” he grunted, looking around with eye's narrowed in anger.

“Huh? What is it?” Houjo asked, he felt his heart jump for a reason he knew it shouldn't have. He forced himself to take a deep breath, he was to on edge. 'Oh man, why am I so jumpy...' Why was Kouga so angry all of a sudden? It made him grow more uncomfortable, more guilt, 'Geez, he only just came in and already he's angry.'

Kouga didn't seem to hear him, or ignored him for the moment, he was to busy looking around like a person who'd lost something important, a very angry person it seemed. “Where the hell are you guys!!” He shouted loud enough for his voice to echo forcefully from the stone walls.

“Was that Kouga?” A questioning voice sounded weakly from deeper in the cave, someplace obscured by the darkness of depth. Souta and Houjo looked up at each other questioningly, and Houjo could only shrug.

“You think so? Is he really back?” Another questioning voice responded.

Kouga folded his arms and a low growled escaped his throat, “Yes it's me Goddammit! Get the hell out here!” He roared. He waited impatiently, his foot tapping in a nervous pulse and his fingers not so gently clinching and relaxing against his arm. Every second his patience seemed to ware farther and farther at an unusual rate, Houjo seemed to notice it also.

With in seconds two forms bolted from one of the lesser paths of the cave and came to a narrow stop in front of Kouga. One of them clad in a green body armor with shoulder pads, a fur around his waist similar to Kouga's, and a blond Mohawk . The slightly shorter one at his side was fitted in red body armor and fur draped over his shoulders like a vest, his hair was a dulled, metallic gray with a black streak rising through the center. Houjo could see distinctly they didn't have tails, but they had the pointed ears, not to mention claws and fangs like Kouga's, not to mention some vague, unexplainable similarity. 'They...they're wolves?' Houjo watched in a confused astonishment, 'Didn't Kouga say that... his pack was killed?'

“Ginta and Hakkaku! Where the hell were you two!” Kouga growled fiercely, he felt his breathing grow heavy with a release of anxious energy, he tried to force himself to be calm again where a swell of other feelings had risen in that short time. He found himself failing, the tense anger only grew stronger at the sight of them and wouldn't fade. His fist clinched tightly at his side when he saw them, and suddenly he felt like he wanted to strike both of them. His fist were clinched at his side, but he forced himself to let them lag.

The one with dull gray hair dreamed Hakkaku smiled, seemingly as if he didn't notice he was being yelled at. “Kouga! Your back!” He exclaimed excitedly. “What happened to you?”

The one one with spiky blond hair, Ginta, nodded, his eyes rolling over Inuyasha familiarly, then Houjo and Souta questioningly. “Yeah. You said you were going after a mate and we never saw you again.”

It was a foreign feeling for Kouga as of late, like an exhale he felt the anger fading away, felting like a strong wind that had just become still at the mention of his Mate. He smiled wolfishly, for the first time in a longer time than he could remember he smiled in front of them. Kouga abruptly wrapped his arm around Houjo and pulled him close sharply enough to draw a startled yelp from the surprised boy. He didn't seem to notice Houjo had been attempting to fade into the background, not to be noticed. “Heh, heh, Yup, this is my mate.” He announced proudly.

Houjo smiled nervously, slowly wiggling his head from Kouga's grip and standing rigidly up right. “Uh...Hi?” He greeted, extending a hand outward to the two.

Hakkaku looked a Houjo with a scrutinizing suspicion, his eyes rolling over every inch of the human male. Then without warning he rigidly lent down and sniffed questioningly at Houjo's hand, watching the boy's expression become uneasily confused with a amused delight. But just as soon Ginta grabbed Hakkaku by the spiky strands and pushed him roughly out of the way, “That's Hakkaku and he's kidding.” Ginta laughed, happily accepting shaking Houjo's hand. He couldn't help but be excited, he felt like Kouga needed this.

Houjo laughed, feeling the heavy tension relieve itself partially, “I'm Houjo.”

Souta made his way in front of Houjo, looking up at the two with the same wonder and awe he had when he'd first entered the den. Ginta knelt down and looked over Souta carefully, wondering at first why one so little would be along with Kouga. 'He's just a pup.' In fact, he wondered why Inuyasha was with him for that matter. “I'm Souta.” Souta announced, he usually would have been shy around someone new, unfamiliar, especially in this world, around full blooded demon. He didn't feel that way this time, the reluctance wasn't there, they seemed familiar to him, like meeting an old friend, like he'd known them in one way or another all of his life. It was almost how he felt when he first met Kouga, somehow unafraid or nervous, simply curious beyond his control to repress it.

“Nice to meet you.” Ginta smiled. He immediately paused when he felt the familiar burning, peripheral sense of eyes watching him. He looked up and his eyes immediately locked with Inuyasha's who was watching his every move almost harshly, protectively even, just as soon as Inuyasha noticed Ginta had noticed him, he looked away indifferently as if nothing had happened. '...' Ginta grinned sheepishly. “Whoa! Your Inuyasha's mate?” He said in a surprised amazement, this was even more of a surprise then Kouga's mate was. “Inuyasha?”

Inuyasha flinched and his eyes became wide with a startled yelp, all of a sudden his heart jumped and his body flushed with embarrassment. He felt suddenly that he was on a dark stage and a spotlight was shining harshly down on him, like every one was watching him. “Uh...well, he--”

“Yeah, he's the mutt's” Kouga snorted with distaste, folding his arms and looking away with his usual condescending tone. He felt a different anger rising inside of him, but it wasn't like the anger he had when he'd entered his den, this was was like slowly rising flood waters drenching him. “Tch, Damned if I know how he can stand dogboy over there.”

Inuyasha turned his eyes toward Kouga with a furious glare, his embarrassment faded away into a reverent frustration. “What the hell did you say!”

Ginta rubbed the back of his head uneasily, looking up at his leader timidly. “Uh... Kouga, maybe you-”

“Shut up.” Kouga growled impersonally. It took him a moment to realize what Ginta had been trying to do, the same thing he and Hakkaku were always trying to do, avert on coming trouble. He felt a harsh annoyment heating his blood so hot his timber boiled over. Why couldn't they have such thoughts, such a concern when they themselves were in dangerous situations, why didn't they have the knowledge to get themselves out of harms way in spite of him. 'Stupid! Damn stupid!' ...he was thankful for that, that persistent concern they had for him... “Just shut the hell up.”

Ginta and Hakkaku looked at each other uneasily, the air in the room became heavy and thick with a tension. Maybe it was just a sense of approaching danger that made them so uncomfortable, Hakkaku took in a deep breath and sighed heavily, Why did Kouga have to say such things? Was he simply immune to this sense of danger they had?... Would this...anger get Kouga hurt? “Uh...Uh... Houjo, Souta...why don't I show you around.” He said abruptly, he slipped behind Houjo with a natural quickness, and began pushing the boy in the opposite direction. Houjo tensely followed, perplexed by Kouga's anger, but he'd already formed an idea in his mind of it's source.

Ginta jumped with a realization that came to him like a hard blow when he noticed he should have been following Hakkaku's lead. He was so use to seeing Kouga angry, hearing his voice in low, dangerous tones at high volume, that he didn't realize he was suppose to be doing something. “Um, yeah.” Ginta grabbed Souta by the hand and pulled the willing boy along, any thoughts he had this this was out of the ordinary were forgotten when posed with the opportunity to look around.

“Ok.”

Inuyasha the two leave through the corner of his eye, a small notion hinting at his mind, but it was ignored with anger. “You've got some nerve you mange wolf!”

“Tch.” Kouga's anger shifted like the wind, moving into the rising one that saturated his body instead of the furious, violent one he felt when he talked to Ginta. “Stupid mutt, I don't understand how Souta could stand being around you for more then five minutes.”

Inuyasha growled in anger, taking an offensive step towards Kouga with fist clinched. “You've got a lot of mouth for a wuss! What the hell is that suppose to mean!”

“You dumbass, How the hell are you going to protect Souta if you can't even acknowledge him!” Kouga shouted. He couldn't deny he felt a protectiveness of Souta, having marked him and nearly mated with him twice, his words held some sentiments of loss. “You don't deserve a mate like Souta!”

The words echoed through Inuyasha's mind like a shot, his mouth opened as if he was about to speak but the words wouldn't come. Kouga's words stuck someplace deep inside of him, bypassing the defensive walls of his pride and damaging something Inuyasha never realized could be hurt...And...he never thought Kouga would be the one to do it, for some reason he couldn't understand it felt worse knowing who it had come from, he never thought Kouga would be the one to cause it. He was silent for more of a time then he realized, his mind reeling with a swell of feelings long since buried and pushed away so much he had forgotten them...

Kouga felt as if he'd been cast over a cliff but was suspended in the air when he should have been falling. He became startled at the look he saw on Inuyasha's face, as startled as he was when he saw the fear in Inuyasha's eyes after waking him up from a nightmare. A guilt began to creep up, that he could have possibly said something wrong without knowing it. 'Inu...Inuyasha--' His thoughts were abruptly ended when a strong punch was thrown across his face. He fell against the wall and quickly lifted the back of his fist to wipe away the blood from his mouth. Yes! This was what he wanted! Kouga lifted his head and drew his arm back to retaliate. “Huh?” But soon after he dropped his arm questioningly, watching Inuyasha's angry form walking away with hard steps. 'Inuyasha?'

Maybe he did say something wrong?

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Souta looked around with the same amazement at some place deeper into the mountain. The walls and floors here were smother, level, intentionally and skillfully done. Beneath him rested a soft fur that had come from something particularly large, Souta pressed his hands against it, feeling the soft warmth, then rubbed his hand over the cold smoothness of the ground. A roaring flame sat in a cut out place behind Ginta and Hakkaku, it's light reaching into the darkest corners. “This place is really big.” Souta said, admiringly.

Houjo glanced over at him, the looked away absentmindedly, he shouldn't have felt this way, he shouldn't have felt this bad, this awkward, this nervous. But he couldn't keep his mind off of Kouga, and these nagging questions...no, really it was only a few, one or two maybe, but it seemed like he longed to know more someplace deeper inside of himself. He sat with his legs crossed and his hands cuffed tightly in his lap, his nervousness eluding in his body posture.

“Yeah.” Ginta nodded proudly, feeling a sense of satisfaction that Souta was taking such an interest in his Den. “It would be bigger but if we go any deeper we run the risks of cave-ins.” Ginta looked up, admiring the thought of how he'd helped when they began expanding the Den, he'd been the one to arch the ceilings for structural support, and he'd been the one to determine when they reached the point where it was no longer safe to continue. He was had an eye for structure, studying by experience, and building an almost inane skill for architecture, and spotting physical weakness notably.

Souta looked around, trying to think of how many people there must have been to fill the spaces he'd seen so far. It seemed almost impossible to him that there could only be Ginta and Hakkaku here. An inane twitch in his mind, a notion a little more then intuition that there had been many, many more then he first thought. “So...it's just you guys?”

Houjo tensed and his eyes immediately shifted to Souta. What was he doing? Was he actually about to bring this up? He felt his stomach sink, he didn't want to bring up bad memories, or good memories that may stir up. He wanted to know just as badly as Souta did, but he dreaded the though he might make them remember whatever happened, or however it used to be and long for it be that way now. That longing would make them miss their old life, it would make him miss his old happiness, unsettle in him a loneliness...depression... '!' Houjo shook his head abruptly, them! He meant them! Not him! He meant them! Did Souta not know this? Did Souta not feel this churning guilt like he did? Did Souta not sense what questions like that would bring about? 'Souta...' He wanted to stop and explain all of this to Souta, but such an action would draw more attention to the subject then Souta's questions did.

“Yup, just us and Kouga.” Hakkaku nodded, his voice hinting with thought, the sound in his voice Houjo dreaded hearing.”We were starting to get worried, but...I guess he was doing fine with you guys.” He repressed the urge to grin at the thought of Kouga finally getting a mate after refusing to for a number of years, he was as picky as he was arrogant, refusing any ordinary mates no matter how much he was tempted. So watching Kouga go through the same process a number of times, he of course became excited when Kouga announced he was going after a mate. In that statement he and Ginta found a simple hope for Kouga that he'd struggled to keep from fading, maybe when Kouga found a mate he'd feel better, he'd be able to stop being so angry, he'd finally...

He'd never thought Kouga would go after a human male of all things, a young and weak one at that. There had to be something in him.

“What happened?” Souta asked curiously, seemingly his capacity of thinking and experience for these things weren't as developed as Houjo's was. Houjo felt it as if he were in Hakkaku and Ginta's situation, a complete agony with each question, something that stirred up things deep inside of him, Souta was only curious. “What happened to everyone else?”

Houjo felt like he'd been punched in the stomach, wishing more then anything that Souta would stop, he would simply leave it alone. But he couldn't say it out loud for them to hear, he couldn't even do it for them not to hear, because if Souta knew he'd act differently. People always acted differently, people always treated you differently, like you were dieing and they didn't want you to know, but they didn't want to be around you. Souta would move awkwardly around the subject and make it worse.

“The rest of the pack?” Ginta asked thoughtfully, before his eyes trailed off distantly in a forlorn look, as if it had all been an amazing dream, and he'd awaken to a cold and empty reality, trying to fall asleep again but couldn't. “A wind sorceress killed them.” He sighed. “Ambush.”

“Oh...” Souta held his head down slightly, sensing fully the magnitudes of death. He started to feel sorry for them, for Kouga, but he didn't want too, he knew that Kouga would hate that. If Kouga knew he was thinking that way about him he'd yell and be angry. 'Oh man, Kouga...' He lifted his head, his dark eyes shining with a hope that could only be seen in someone so young. “But you two made it out.”

“Nah.” Hakkaku shook his head and averted his eyes, almost ashamed of himself. “Not really...” He felt like he cheated, cheated death, cheated his friends and teammates, so much so that he even felt like he'd sold them out by living when they weren't. He'd told this to Ginta, who also started to feel guilty about it all, with that in mind he backed out of telling Kouga, who was feeling the worse out of all of them.

Souta, still feeling bad over his last question, seemed to except that answer and left the subject there, much to Houjo's relief. “So?”

“So what?” Hakkaku asked.

“So are we gonna get to look around?” Souta asked, an anxiousness building in his words, the guilt and pity he'd been feeling completely forgotten at the prospect of exploring.

Ginta smiled and laughed, ruffling Souta's hair. He liked Souta, his energy, the looks he saw in his eyes reminded him of what it was like when the young pups ran around and played. Souta's excitement reminded him of the life that this place used to hold, and the place became brighter, like it used to be. “Yeah, Sure.” He stood up and watched with a subtitle smile as Souta rose to his feet and smiled widely back at him.

“What about you Houjo? You wanna come?” Souta asked hopefully.

Houjo wanted to go, he really did. But he couldn't, he felt too tense, too guilty, his mind burned with the thoughts of what happened to Kouga's pack, it would be too much. The excited curiosity Souta could only be rivaled by Houjo's, the older boy became so excited at times he couldn't contain himself. He loved feeding that curiosity by learning new things, seeing new things, being new places. The desire welled up in him so strongly he acted, like an explosion being released, making movements, speaking things, taking hold of things before he even realized what he was doing. “Yeah.” It looked like this was one of those times.

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The night was dark in the cave, as dark as the night of the black out, and silent too. Even with this peace he couldn't get to sleep, and he knew he'd have a hard time tomorrow. He could barely wake up for school in the morning, so far he had gathered the most tardies in his classes. At night when he went to sleep some times he laid awake, like he did tonight, staring into the darkness, listening to the silence of his room, for hours at times. He never could concentrate, even at night when there was nothing to concentrate on, his mind always drifted to thoughts of life, of his dreams, what he'd bee like when he was older, other mundane things. At times he didn't even think of anything, there was just noise in his mind, like a chaotic song that was stuck in his head that he couldn't get it out.

He was starting to think something was wrong with him.

As of late it hadn't been as much of a problem, he was either too tired from training, or sickness, or other things he did with Inuyasha that lulled him strait to sleep. But there were still nights when he would just lay awake, in Inuyasha's arms and stared into the darkness and listened to the Hanyou breathe. His mind without the concentration to think of nothing until he passed out. His mind would play tricks on him, it was like a rambling old man that wouldn't shut up. A few times he heard a clutter of voices like a crowd, another time he heard constant screaming, it scared him and he'd long to hear a sound to focus on with his ears until he fell asleep. At first it was just voices.

Maybe it was just him, but he didn't hear the clutter of random noises when he was in Kouga's den. His mind heard the sounds of the laughter of the demon tribe pups playing as they awakened before the adults early in the morning this time, then he heard the sound of the older members of the pack waking up, going out to get a hunt for breakfast, or water or something like that. It was just as if he was sitting in the middle of the den during a normal day with his eyes closed, in the center of a blind memory, or surrounded by ghosts. He heard complete and utter life.

Speaking of which, sometimes he saw things too, faint traces of things, white flutters in the corner of his eye but when he turned they seemed only to be drapes blown by the wind, or a see a black shadow of something walking past and hear a soft whisper and it turned out to only be a tree blowing in the wind. Though there was always a nagging feeling it was something more that he'd grown accustomed to having at times. Though there were times when he saw the sights and heard the whispers but with no wind to blame it on. At night the most, when he was younger he always ran to Kagome's room saying that there was a monster or someone was there. He tried once to tell her about it, the constant prick on his skin like static electricity, the feeling of eyes watching him he was so acute to, the sounds in his head, the almost hallucinating visions. But he got scared of what she'd say to him after only a few sentences. He thought he saw the quick flashes of people clearly at night... actually, he did.

It happened more now then when he was younger, at lest twice a week he would be in bed laying awake and his mind filled with strange sounds of a new song stuck in his head and his mind played tricks on him, he'd seen flashes that looked like people walking past and he convinced himself that it was simply nothing. Once he'd thought he seen someone staring at him and he heard a voice clearly amidst the clatter in his unfocused mind, the person looked faintly like his late father... He pulled the sheets over his head and closed his eyes, creped out and weary, yet too old to run to Kagome's room like he used to. Though he was no longer afraid, he grown more accustomed to them as a normal, completely hidden part of himself, he was not afraid most of the time, but he still...

Souta, laying on his back, stared strait up and watched as he saw a quick flash of what looked like a man walking past him, a member of the demon wolf tribe no doubt. Then he saw a kid that couldn't be no younger then himself run past happily after him. Suddenly he heard the child's voice laughing, calling out for his father, before the voice retreated into the crowd he was hearing. 'Oh man...' He wanted to hide under his covers but he had none, he had long gotten out of the habit of covering his ears because he knew he was only hearing this in his head and not with his ears. Some logic had come to his insanity. He wasn't afraid, simply uneasy, if he was afraid of anything he was afraid of himself.

“Inu...Inuyasha.” He called out softly, clinching Inuyasha's arm draped around him.

“Huh?” Souta flinched, he'd called out Inuyasha not out of need for a Hanyou, just an inane reparations of something he knew was safe, something to replace the sheets he didn't have to pull over his head. Something safe he could hide behind and put between him and what he saw “Your awake?”

Inuyasha opened his eyes, he was awake, he was attempting not to go to sleep, to put it off as long a possible. But why was Souta? “What is it?”

Souta took in a deep, tense breath, feeling as if he was taking a risk by talking to Inuyasha about this... “Inuyasha... I think there's something wrong with me.” He said plainly, staring at the ceiling, his voice strait. He trusted Inuyasha, and he was strong, maybe he'd say something that could help? Besides, maybe it didn't occur to him, but he didn't think Inuyasha could say anything that bad to him. All of this was as natural to him as school and chores, a part of life that was bred into his consciousness from birth, just like his concealment of it

“Huh? Why do you say that?” Inuyasha felt a soft worry forming in him that maybe Souta was starting to doubt himself, maybe he was starting to get too afraid. They'd come so far, he'd done so well, he didn't want that.

“'Cause...well, I can't fall asleep.” Souta said, quickly speaking again before Inuyasha could comment in a way he knew he would. “I mean not just today, I can't sleep all the time. It's like theres a million things going on in my head and I can't make them stop, I can't concentrate anymore.” He hadn't had this happen to him since Inuyasha had been with him, he'd nearly forgotten about it, like one would forget about school work over summer break.

“Huh?” Inuyasha became confused, what was this? Why was this enough to suddenly start talking to him in the middle of the night? Why would he wait until the middle of the night anyway? “Souta? What are you talking about?”

Maybe he was half asleep, maybe something with in him just relaxed. Souta didn't know what it was but he felt detached from himself, all of his consciousness that made him timid and afraid and nervous had stepped aside. He was simply talking, his mind thinking only of how to form everything that was going on in his head into something tangible that Inuyasha could understand. He felt like it all was simple. “I keep hearing... all these sounds...these voices in my head.” He explained slowly. “It's like I'm in a room full of people, and I can't think...”.

“Souta?” Inuyasha's mind scrambled for an answer. 'Huh? What the hell's he taking about all this for? Why's he telling this to me?' He became nervous, uneasy, uncomfortable. What was he suppose to say? What did he expect him to do? “I..uh...”

“And then...I keep seeing stuff, like people.” Souta said. He wondered, if Kagome was able to shoot sacred arrows, maybe this was his, maybe this was what he could do, maybe he simply had some sort of heightened peripheral sense. It seemed to be a product of of his over active imagination at first, but there had to be some logic to it.

And then it all made a sudden sense to Inuyasha, he closed his eyes and snorted. “Tch. Your just dreaming, go back to sleep.”

“No, I'm not.” Souta said defensively. “I keep seeing stuff and hearing stuff all the time, while I'm wide awake. I can't concentrate.. I think theres something wrong with me.” The thought had settled into his mind easily, having growing increasing suspecting of this fact every day of his life. In fact it all started because he couldn't concentrate, in school when he was supposed to be doing classwork, at home when he was supposed to be doing homework. He barely did any of the things he usually did anymore, it just seemed that he’d sit there and stare into space without having realized what he was doing or how long he’d been doing it for. Half from fatigue, half from lack of focus. His mother had deemed that he’d been sick all this time. Losing focus, and hearing things, yup, there had to be something wrong with him, he decided on it now.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I donno.” Souta shrugged, his eyes hinting in realization. “I...never told anyone about this.”

Inuyasha swallowed hard, it didn't make this easier! In fact, he felt a pressure now, like he'd just been fitted with a weight.

He looked up and watched a white flash in the corner of his eye, like a form running past. Twice in one night...he started to become afraid now. “...” Souta slipped his hands behind him and sat up right. “!!” He gasped and looked around in horror and awe, and he saw a whole crowd of people, the entire slain pack of the demon wolf tribe, and suddenly the crowd he heard in his head made more sense. They moved about as if he nor Inuyasha, Houjo or Kouga weren't there, as if they all were separated by two different worlds and Souta was the only one who saw the difference. They all seemed to be going about their normal day, even if it was the middle of the night. “Oh...man...” His eyes trembled in fear, but this fear was more out of an uncomfortableness, like an aversion some would have toward insects. '...' He slowly reached his hand out, watching his fingers drift towards the wolf boy who'd just ran past him, still feeling separate from himself, like he was just standing by and watching. Souta leaned forward just slightly until his fingers touched the tip of the image's tail. He flinched when he felt something, some strange substance that left his finger tips tingling. He gasped when he saw the boy look back at him and laid back down, pulling Inuyasha's arm over his face and tried desperately to fall asleep, to lose this sight. His ears didn't hear anything! This wasn't real!

“Souta?“ Inuyasha looked at the boy questioningly, then looked around with out finding anything of note. Was he having a nightmare or something? Something inside of Inuyasha hoped that was it defensively, his pride could stand what he himself was going through better if someone else was too. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing!” He squeaked, his body taunt and still.

Inuyasha stared at him for a moment, confused now more then ever. Didn't Souta said he saw and heard things...something about what he was saying didn't seem real to him, until he saw that look of uncertain fear in his eye, like a small, shy child that stood before a fearful looking stranger and was now hiding behind their parent's leg . “What? Are you seeing something now?” Inuyasha asked. Maybe there was more to this then he thought.

“...” Souta slowly nodded, feeling as if he'd regained the separated part of himself now, the nervousness, the timidness, the fear. He was afraid like a child who thought a monster was under his bed though he knew it wasn't real but feared it none the less. There was a logic to his insanity. “I just wanna go to sleep.” Souta said hastily.

“But Souta-”

“I'm fine! I'm just going to sleep.”

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The sun shone brightly, painting the walls of Den in a golden, early morning light. Houjo never got up this early on Saturdays, he didn't know if it was actually a Saturday here. But it felt like a Saturday, the way the sun hung lazily in sky, it was always brighter on Saturdays, the light held a more golden tent to it when it shined onto an object. There was always a faint slowness to Saturday mornings, a faint acuteness of knowing that he'd been in school all week and on this day he had no such obligations. He stood against the entrance of the cave beside where his bike rested, seemingly unnoticed by anyone. He didn't know what time it was, but he got a vague sense of it by where the sun was in the sky. '...' Houjo stood and watched questioningly.

“Listen to me very carefully.” Kouga said in a firm, commanding, almost annoyed tone. He stared into Hakkaku and Ginta's eyes with a hard glare, daring either one of them to look away, that it was all it took for him to lose it. “I want you to go and check things out. Surveillance, *surveillance* . That means you stay the hell away.” Emphasizing safety with callous, harsh repetition.

Ginta and Hakkaku nodded. “Yeah.” Passive agreement.

For a moment Kouga could not speak, he felt that familiar anger rising in him that he felt every time he looked at them. He didn't know of it's source, or of it's origins, simply that it washed over him hot and hard. His eyes narrowed and his hand clinched into tight fist at his side. “You two idiots better not get close, don't be stupid and get caught watching it.” Emotional rejection of Hakkaku and Ginta for feelings of worry.

Ginta nodded, his face held it's normal strait expression, as if he didn't realize he was being yelled at again. “We know.” Casually.

Kouga's stomach burned and a hazy black cloud hovered a moment before his eyes, a hate in him so strong that it choked his throat up. Mixed images of violence ran like sand through his mind, dry and fast, vanishing He could stab them with a knife; he could slap them; he could kick him; he could trip them up and send them sprawling on their face. He could do a lot of things to Ginta and Hakkaku for making him feel this way. The stark violence of his thoughts frightened him, he has always had a temper, but this... this was so far beyond. “Be serious dammit!” He yelled, his voice nearly a full roar. His hands were so tense that they trembled at his side and his jaw was clamped so tightly that it began to ache. “BE SERIOUS GODAMN YOU! B-Be s-s-serious!”A shouted, shaky climax.

The two flinched from the sudden and violent out burst, looking away timidly from Kouga's eyes and toward the ground with uncertainty. They were being serious, as serious as they could stand to be, they both nodded.“...” Acceptance for fear of confrontation

Kouga's trembling fist ached for a hard contact into one of them, hate pouring it his eyes, he struggled to repress the strong anger that burned in him, trying to burn through him to the outside and lash out in a violent act. His lungs shook and his breathing became harsh pants, a strong guilt washing over him that he had yelled at them, and that he was about to do it again. “Hell! Don't even watch it. If you see it, turn the hell around and get your asses right back here.” Abandoned emotion rejection for a callous concern.

“Yeah, you told us already.” Ginta and Hakkaku gave one last, silent goodbye before turning around and beginning their decent down the mountain. Both of them looked and seemed as content as ever, moving casually, almost as if they didn't have a single thought of Kouga's hard words and him nearly punching the both of them in their minds.

Kouga was thankful for that...”Make sure you stay the hell away from it! Don't be dumb and get close!” He called out one last time, though neither of them seemed to hear him at this point, he could only watch as the two faded from his vision. His eyes were still riveted on the point in space where he had last seen their retreating forms. The tension in him slackened and he released his fist until his fingers loosely hung at his side. He was coming back into possession of himself; for the past three minutes it seemed that he had been under a strange spell, possessed by a force which he hated, but which he had to obey. 'Don't...Don't get yourselves killed out there.'

Houjo simply stared, not sure exactly what to think at this point. The guilty feeling made his stomach sink even farther, feeling as if his very presence would stir up more unwanted memories and sensations and feed Kouga's odd anger. But he was too worried about him, too confused to force himself to move away. '!' Houjo flinched and quickly looked to the left when he finally noticed someone else was standing beside him. It was Inuyasha, and Houjo had no idea how long he had been standing there. “Inuyasha?”

Inuyasha stood rigidly up right, his arms folded, watching silently. Then without a word he folded his arms, snorted and began heading along the path ascending the mountain.

Kouga sighed, letting out a deep, hard breath and dropping his shoulders, then with a small twitch of his tail he turned around to face Houjo, anger fully devolved as if it had never been there at all. His mind inanely wondered to other things, like the sound of his growling stomach. “So, what's for breakfast?”

Houjo smiled in relief and amusement. “I don't know, we ran out yesterday.” Houjo had no idea how much Inuyasha and Kouga could eat, which had to have been at least three times as much as he could. Add that into the fact that Houjo had thought he would be going into nothing more then a dried up well when he'd packed what he'd packed, and he was amazed it had lasted this long.

“Nothing?” Kouga tilted his head questioningly. “Nothing at all? That sucks...” He dropped his head with a sigh..

“Well, I'm sure we could do something.” Houjo said confidently. “There has to be fruit or something growing around here.”

Kouga's eyes illuminated with the hint of an idea forming, a slow smile creeping across his face. “Yeah... We should go hunting.” he announced.

“What?” Houjo's eyes shifted nervously, hunt? He didn't say anything about hunting. A nervous tenseness grew in his body. “No way.” He shook his head adamantly.

“Huh? You don't wanna hunt?” Kouga gently scratched behind his head. “Really?”

The thought of himself actually doing so made him uneasy, it gave him a different type of feeling than he gained when he was fighting for himself or for his friends. Kouga, however, loved fighting, a primal sense of satisfaction came when Kouga fought, an instinctive drive, and the harder he fought, the more satisfaction he gained from it. Hunting spawned the same feelings, the actual act of doing so. It wasn't anywhere near like that for Houjo. “Nah, I don't think so.” Houjo shook his head again.

Kouga's mind still wondered in spite of it. He'd never really eaten vegetables before, almost exclusively carnivorous in nature. But now he couldn't help but think of all of the things he could do with them, Houjo could probably teach him how to do things he never even thought of. “We can go out and get a whole bunch of stuff, then all we need to do is get a good hunt--”

“I'd rather not.”

“-And we're set.” Kouga grinned anticipatively, his tail wagging anxiously behind him. “Come on, lets go.”

Houjo smiled, he couldn't help but be drawn in by Kouga's energy, when ever the wolf was excited his tail always twitched and he'd always show his fangs in a smirk, his perfect blue eyes would light up.

! - ! - !
! - ! - !

It was hot. His whole body raged with a burning heat that made the air around him feel muggy and hard to breathe. Inuyasha blindly stripped himself of his fire rat coat and the shirt underneath, not bothering to open his eyes as he tossed it behind him to see where it would land. He sat as near to the top of the mountain as he could stand to climb, his arms folded and his head tilted back, taking in deep inhales of the warm air. He smelt the sweat sliding down his torso and his back more then he felt it, he heard his heart pumping the fiery blood through his body, heating his skin and secreting the salty liquid.

Inuyasha took in another deep breath, sitting peaceably, quietly, without movement.

He could see the world around him without sight, ever since he was a child he'd always placed more baring on what he smelt and what he heard then what he saw, it seemed to stick with him more then any sight he saw. He took in a deep breath and picked up the soft moisture of distant rain, though there were no rain clouds on a horizon, every time he smelled water a vague memory came to him of a waterfall he'd been to once as a child. Then he remembered the scent of moss, the sound of a rushing waterfall emptying loudly into a pool of collected water, and wet earth and greenery, though he didn't remember too clearly where it was or why he was there.

He saw the entire landscape without seeing, he heard the sounds of birds in the morning, the sound of their wings, the echoing of their songs showed him how vast the sky was, the rocky walls of the mountain around him. The scent of water showed him the mist hanging thick in the air and over settling over the valleys and horizon. It was all he needed to see.

He loved the smell of Houjo's...and Inuyasha grudgingly admitted he loved the smell of Kouga's cooking. He also admitted that he loved hearing the sounds of pots and utensils rattling when Kouga cooked, Houjo was a lot more careful and skillful when he cooked. He loved the scent of Souta, the scent of his Shikon jewel tainted blood. He loved hearing Souta's voice when they mated, the soft pants, the weak cries, the scent of his heated body tented with sweat, the sounds, the scents, it was more arousing to him then the actual act.

Inuyasha smiled to himself, golden eyes peaking open to check over his soundings, it was just as he'd imagined it.

! - ! - !
! - ! - !

“Whoa...”

Houjo stopped in his tracks, his mouth drifting open and his eyes illuminating with a child like wonder and awe. He just froze and stared breathlessly, faintly feeling a warm breeze sweep over him. He stood at the edge of a forest, the road ahead lined on both sides with thick, large trees that were older then he could count. The branches were filled with leaves, yellow, gold, brown, red and orange, each warm wind loosened and scattered more into the air like a blizzard of snow, floating in a swarming flutter coating the ground in a riot of color. “Wow.”

Kouga came to his side, looking on with his own silent admiration. He'd never ever paid attention to this, the sight of the leaves changing colors and falling from the trees. He'd never really stopped to look at anything, he always ran right past everything, always running, focusing merely on a single thing and never the details. He was glad Houjo had stopped so that he could look at this, admire every color, every design, and everything blended all together. 'This is...' He wished he was as smart as Houjo, maybe then he could find the words to describe what he felt when he looked upon sights like this. When he looked up at the sky through the cheery tree in Souta's backyard, or the moon that night in the snow.

“It's even better up close.” Houjo's eyes flashed with inspired remembrance and he contently dug into his pockets where he carefully kept his camera. He was glad he always took it with him as he dropped down on to one knee and aligned what he saw into to the right frame, the perfect picture, his smile growing wider as he took the shot and captured the image.

Kouga noticed the device, but didn't ask about it, he had other things on his mind. “You've never seen this before?” He half mumbled to himself, watching a bright, crisp golden leaf slowly drift before his eyes and fall at his feet.

“Not in person.” Houjo said, slipping the camera back into his pockets and shoving his hands in after them. “The leaves don't change color like this where I live, not enough sunny days and cool nights.”

“Huh?” Kouga blinked in confusion. “Is that why the leaves fall off?”

“The leaves fall off the trees so they don't lose water in the winter time.” Houjo started, feeling a sense of content satisfaction within himself whenever he told something new to Kouga. It was like the feeling he gained when he learned something new, he felt the same way when he was putting it to use. “Where I live, the days in the fall aren't as sunny as they are here, and it's not as cold as night. For the leaves to change colors like this when they fall off, you need both of them.”

“Why?” He suddenly sounded like a curious child who couldn't stop asking questions.

“The more of them you get, the more sugar the leaves makes. The more sugar that builds up, the more color they get when they fall.”

Kouga looked at Houjo questioningly for a moment, when he thought of what Houjo told him, he thought of maple syrup. Kouga nodded, looking back at the flurry of leaves around him with a faint understanding. This must have been how Houjo looked at the world, the sight seemed different now that he understood it all a little more, he liked the view. A small flame was born in him, a desire to see more of the world in this manner, how Houjo must see it.

Enlightenment comes suddenly.

All at once he suddenly understood the boy's eagerness and excitement when he saw new things, Kouga would not let the fire flare up inside of him that strongly, as to be like Houjo, but he wouldn't smother it either. “What else do you know about them?”

! - ! - !
! - ! - !

Hot...

He was still hot, it was the only thing that his mind was focused on was the heat. He felt like his body was on fire, and something that seemed odd to him happened, what could only be described as the opposite of what happened when one was extremely cold. When he was cold he lost feeling, a numbness came over him, from his extremities onward, but now that this heat overwhelmed him he gained more feeling then ever. His body seemed to gain a sensitivity to feeling, from his torso outward.

“...” Inuyasha let his body fall weakly and he rested messily over the hard ground, his eyes clinched shut to block out the sunlight. He hated this, he always hated feeling like this, as if he was boiling from the inside out, nothing seemed to help, shade didn't, the cool interior of Kouga's den didn't. The water of the lake gave him some relief, but he couldn't hold his breath long enough to gain a notable change. “Dammit.” Inuyasha slowly sat up again and let out a deep breath.

Even worse, he felt sleepy. He hadn't be able to get much of any sleep at all last night, mainly since he hadn't tried. It had only come in patches few and far between, when he hadn't been able to keep his eyes any longer, though it did little good, he still fell into that damned nightmare. Houjo had been there to wake him up though...

'?' Inuyasha peeked his eyes open, feeling suddenly as if something was pressing against his chest. His vision was met with the slightly foggy sky laying over the edge before him, nothing more. So what was... 'What the hell!' Inuyasha lifted his hand to his chest, or attempted to anyway, when he tried he found his arms wouldn't move, as if they had suddenly grown too heavy for his strength. The realization came at him like a hard blow, he might have even flinched if he could move his body, he was trapped again. In that nightmare.

“...” He tried to cry out, but as always no words would come. 'No! Damnit No! This can't be happening!' How! How could this be happening?! He was sitting up, how could he possibly fall asleep like this?! “...” He tried to scream, to cry out again, feeling a dumb, inarticulate fear washing over him without reason or logic. 'No! It's not real! This isn't happening damnit!' No matter how much rationalization he tried incorporate, it did no good, he couldn't stop himself from feeling this overwhelming fear that made him feel as though he were nothing more then a terrified child.

“...” He tried desperately, futilely, desperately to make a single sound but to no avail. His taunt ears trembled as the overwhelming sound of rush surrounded him. It was like a waterfall or a raging river was barreling past him, he couldn't take it! 'No! Damnit it's not happening!' He screamed, he could feel his muscles tightening, but no motion could come from them, it was as if he was bound into place by heavy chains, completely paralyzed.

“!” '!' Inuyasha's wide, frightened golden eyes began to tremble when the feeling of something pressing against his chest became more intense then just a trace pressure. It was as if a large coil was tightening around his chest, something like a monstrous boa constrictor crushing him. 'Uh!' A sharp breath was forced from his lungs and he could no longer breathe. “...” He didn't think he would be able to scream even if he could speak like this, he gasped in short, choking breaths, but no air seemed to come from them. 'No! Somebody help me!'

A pang of fear shot through him like electricity and his eyes shifted anxiously to the very corner of his vision. He could almost see it clearly now, something, something was there, some peripheral sense preserved it, it was something, a shadowy form. It wanted to hurt him, it wanted to kill him! 'Dammit!' He tried desperately to move, to shake his head, to do anything! He was trapped here, he wanted to get away, he wanted to run, he wanted to at least be able to fight! 'No!, Leave me alone dammit! No-'

His taunt ears heard a loud sound echoing and with a violent flinch his eyes shot open and he gasped, hard enough to make him fall on to his back. “...” He clinched his chest and silently caught his breath, feeling a drop of sweat slide down his cheek, something not of the heat. “Damnit.” With a small curse he sat up right, he recognized that sound, it was Souta, most likely someplace down the mountain practicing as always. He was nothing if not determined, Inuyasha just wished he could be that determined if really did end up in a situation in which he had to use that practice, better yet, he wished Souta could be that determined when he spoke or when he did anything for that matter. Then his work would be done.

'...' He clinched his eyes shut with a loud growl, feeling particularly loathing of himself right now.

'What was Souta talking about last night?' He wondered, the thought came almost congruently when he thought of the boy. He hadn't thought too much of it then, he regretted that now, sure it had seemed odd to him that he would be up that late talking to him about something like that. Inuyasha had been sure that Souta had been half asleep, he'd some how convinced himself of that after words. But he wasn't so sure the boy was dreaming now, he sounded...well, awake, and oddly calm. Until the end when he got scared of something and went to sleep.

What was he so afraid of? 'Maybe he still has a fever?' Inuyasha thought, it hadn't been that long since he'd gotten sick, violently sick. Maybe he wasn't fully recovered yet?

Completely forgetting any thoughts of himself, Inuyasha climbed to his feet, yeah, he'd go check on Souta.

! - ! - !
! - ! - !

Kouga happily trudge into the Den with Houjo following reluctantly behind, who Kouga noticed was much more reluctant then he normally was. He simply discarded it as nothing as he carried the weight of newly acquired Game on his shoulders, knelt down and laid it to rest on the ground. He grinned happily, his tail wagging contently behind him. “Heh, heh, not bad for your first time!” Kouga said proudly, though Houjo clearly wasn't as happy about it as he was, that must have been why he was so... reserved.

It wasn't. Just as always, Houjo felt a horrible guilt when he entered this place with Kouga. He simply had to look around and see how empty it was, a place this large, he couldn't think of how many people there must have been. It was almost dead, life-less, lonely, empty, and he felt some irrational sensation, notion that he would some how make Kouga more aware of it then he already was by being there. At the very least his presence might only persist to irritate an already...oddly enough even more irritable the normal, Kouga. People always did, they came and constantly offered condolences, each one reminding him again and again of something he was trying to forget. And even when they didn't, they always looked at him with that pitying look, it was so annoying! He hated....*Kouga* would hate that. Houjo rubbed the back of his head uneasily, he felt like apologizing. “It wasn't my first time, I didn't do anything.”

Kouga grinned sheepishly, he stood up and wrapped his arm around Houjo's shoulder. “Tch. Yeah right, you did great.”

Houjo hadn't been looking to help Kouga hunt, in fact, he hadn't been looking to do so at all, but Kouga seemed to completely ignore his unwillingness to go along with it. He was sure all he'd have to do was stay out of the way, and would have done so unnoticed if things would have gone as he had hoped they would. Kouga was doing fine enough on his own, being fairly well in sneaking and tracking, he had been so close to finally capturing the large game. Which had been something Houjo could only guess was related to deer since it looked as such, only much bigger.

But it had seemed to prefer a much smaller, weaker, human Houjo and once it had caught wind of him, it seemed to Houjo that the very large animal was determined to make a meal out of him. It rushed at him head first, and by head, Houjo meant antlers, a large, jagged rack of antlers. He barely had time to shift into a defensive stance and lift his sword before he found his blade clashing against a hard set of antlers and either it was immensely strong or he was immensely weak because no sooner did he feel himself being trust off his balance.

It was instinctive almost, as soon as he felt the weight crash into his extended sword he stepped, almost slid, to the side and let the large buck...yeah, it had to be a buck, rush forward. Swiping the sword across the thick hide as it brushed narrowly past him. He had been surprised his strength hadn't failed and he had been able to the blade steady against all of that resistance. Much more to his surprise, the Shikon jewel shard around his neck had taken hold halfway through and electrocuted the thing. He barely had time to admire the damage he'd done before a very angry, protective Kouga had intervened, in a very...brutal manner.

“I guess.” Houjo couldn't help but smile at least, he had been proud of himself, knowing that despite how sloppy it had been, he'd done fairly well for himself in his first real fight. No matter how brief it may have been. He understood Kouga a little better after that, this must have been the feeling Kouga got when he fought, and having Kouga's rather excited pride in him felt good.

Kouga's grin grew wider when he saw Houjo's face slowly regain the content he always had. “Alright, let's see what we got.”

! - ! - !
! - ! - !

'?'

Inuyasha's ears twitched softly, just barely detecting a faint, distant sound muffled by the walls of the Den. “...” Inuyasha was stirred softly into consciousness, slowly opening sleepy golden eyes that held some unknown frustration to their gaze. He hadn't even been aware that he was falling asleep, he only closed his eyes for one second and... 'Huh' His ears twitched again, focusing on the same distant sound that rang out again, something he could barely pick out, and had only been awakened by it since his sleep had been a tense, light one that barely left the surface of consciousness.

He lifted his head and looked around questioningly, Souta was curled up at his side, his face buried in Inuyasha's stomach, and and holding on tightly to Inuyasha's arm draped over him. Inuyasha wondered if Souta had seen anything again, if he had heard anything like he said before, he seemed to be hiding behind him like he did the previous night. “?” Inuyasha was a little surprised to find Houjo laying on his opposite side, the boy's head resting against his torso. 'Houjo?'

Inuyasha scanned the den, half expectant to see Ginta and Hakkaku curled up in a corner someplace, but he didn't, and neither did he see Kouga. Houjo must have some how made his way to him in sleep, probably drawn to the heat his body was emitting, that action wasn't a surprising one when he considered Houjo's nature. Inuyasha was surprised, however, that Kouga had actually left him alone like this, he didn't think Kouga would ever let him go. He'd remembered Kouga still being awake the last time he was consciousness, how long had he been asleep?

'...' It was a long time before Inuyasha heard the sound again, and he immediately knew what it was. Inuyasha slowly lifted his arm from around Souta and gently slipped from underneath Houjo's head, pausing tensely while the both of them stirred but remained asleep. The moment he got out of the cave's entrance, Inuyasha stretched his arms above his head and yawned sleepily, softly rubbing the back of his neck. Everything was still and silent, dark, late.

He made his way up the mountain fairly quickly, catching Kouga's scent in one of the few burst of winds and following it to nearly the peek of the mountain. He found the wolf sitting crouched near the edge of a ledge, his tail sagging lifelessly, his head tilted back and eyes staring at the moon high in the sky. He glanced over his shoulder, giving Inuyasha a silent acknowledgment and turning his eyes back toward the sky. Inuyasha folded his arms and stood at Kouga's side, watching him from the corner of his eyes. “What are you doing out here dog boy?” Kouga asked, his voice was soft, but still held it's usual condescending tones. A defensive question.

There were questions burrowing in Inuyasha that he wanted to ask, at first he thought it was simple curiosity, and he hated that curiosity for making him want to know things about Kouga, things that he himself wouldn't tell to anyone. But it grew stronger, stronger with each day, the need to know became much deeper then just stray curiosity “I could ask you the same thing.” Inuyasha snorted. A response.

Kouga's eyes narrowed a bit, he didn't know what he was suppose to be feeling right now, he didn't want Inuyasha here, he didn't want anyone here. But yet he did want Inuyasha here, things would be so much easier for him he could simply fight, things were never complex with Inuyasha. He wanted to do something, anything that would ease this crushing pain that swelled in his chest and sank in his stomach. “None of your damn business.” Retreating to the safety of a tough defense.

Inuyasha felt a twinge of anger. He wanted to ask, but every time he even thought it, a feeling like fear flooded him, something completely and utterly his pride. He couldn't ask something like that, not to Kouga, because he knew his response would be something that was worse then the answer could be. Dammit! Why did he have to feel like this! It would be so much easier if he could simply erase the feelings from himself. “Does that mouth of yours ever turn off?” Inuyasha retorted callously. Reassertion of himself out of anger.

“Aw shut up.” Kouga said dismissively. He couldn't understand it, why the anger he felt against Inuyasha was so different then the one he'd felt at Hakkaku and Ginta. He'd rather have simply felt this one, an anger as though he was being challenged his pride would be lost if he didn't accept. What he felt against the two remaining members of his pack was a horrible anger that made him afraid of himself, it was a violent one that overpowered him and took control...He was afraid he might actually hurt them and he didn't know why. “Mangy mutt.” Rejection of assertion with an assertion of his own.

Inuyasha growled in anger, the term 'mutt' never failed to infuriate, he hated that word, especially when it came from Kouga, a full-blooded demon. “What'd you say you weak bastard!? You've got a lot of nerve for a scared little wimp!” A harsher statement to cover damaged pride and hurt Kouga's.

Kouga glared at him angrily, he hated when Inuyasha called him afraid, immediately the thoughts of the claustrophobic feelings he'd gotten when they had been snowed came to his mind. He knew Inuyasha hadn't meant it that way, Inuyasha probably wasn't even thinking of what came to his mind. But the thought did nothing to ease the tormented feeling, like a child being teased over something they hadn't wanted to think about themselves let alone anyone else to know. “I'm scared? Your the one who ran away from me!” A misguided and ineffective attempt to convince himself and Inuyasha of his fearlessness.

Inuyasha took in a deep breath, old feelings that he had long wanted to forget were stirred up and awakened, the feelings he was tortured with for his entire youth. Something that made him think something was horribly wrong with him, unable to find his place among humans or demons, isolated. Things he'd long since pushed aside, Kouga had some how managed to make them ache like fresh wounds, the only person that could make them ache so much. “Y-You-” He felt like an idiot, stumbling over his words in surprise and anger. “Y-your the one going around acting all mad! Your one being all depressed!” An immediately regretted attempt of retaliation against Kouga, pushing the argument into a broader field.

Kouga flinched visibly. Feeling as though Inuyasha had found a weakness and was pounding into him. It was as if he was standing upon a dark stage with a blinding spotlight shining on him, completely alone, naked and himself open completely for the entire world to see everything he was. He felt also the burning need above all else to get it off of him, his pride, he himself couldn't stand to feel fully the shame and misery raging inside of him. Maybe this was how Inuyasha had felt? The realization was quick and fleeting, gone when his pride drew back and urged him to lash out. “W-well y-y-you-” Kouga felt just as Inuyasha did, the realization of what he was saying had entered his mind, but was blinded again by pride and anger. “Your the one that's afraid of a stupid dream!” A accusation made to defend pride.

Suddenly the burning spot light was cast upon him, it made him afraid, angry, sad, and an overwhelming sense of embarrassed shame all at once. Inuyasha held towards the world an attitude of iron reserve, he'd lived with everyone, but behind a wall, in an unseeable darkness. He acted towards himself even more exacting, shoving the fear of what would happen if he did fall asleep away and the knowledge of it with it. For a length of time he'd felt as if he was acting without knowledge or reason by trying to stay awake. But Kouga had been the one to bypass that wall for the second time, this time the strange pain and feeling of utter betrayal was stronger then the last. “I...” Inuyasha's hardened eyes slowly dulled into a confusion, and his furious expression faded sub-consciously with that same hurt confusion, like a puppy that didn't know why it had been hit. He honestly he couldn't understand what he wanted to say and couldn't find the words even if he did. “...” An anti-climatic loss for words.

Inuyasha finally grunted and looked away silently.

Kouga became speechless as well, he was expecting to be yelled at, to be struck, anything. But nothing came, when he saw Inuyasha's reaction only a horrible guilt over what he had said came. There existed between them unspoken rules, formed through the determination, persistence, and pain of all of the spars they had together, all of the fights they had stood side by side in, every argument they ever had. Each and every day they lived with it; even when they had no conscious knowledge of them, they acknowledge it's reality in everything they did, in every word they spoke to each other. As long as they were together, they paid mute tribute to it. He sensed now that he had infringe on those rules, and when he sense that he understood that Inuyasha had done so also. “...” A silence induced by prideful fear of apologizing.

Kouga dropped his head and looked away.

A full moment passed before Inuyasha glanced at him from the corner of his eye, a depressing, almost yearning feeling coming on him that made him long for things to be the way they were. He could sense Kouga's guilt, and knew that Kouga wasn't one to simply stop in the middle of an argument like this, neither was he for that matter. For the first time he looked to himself for an answer about Kouga, looking to why he was now silent. “...” A silent apology, obscured by nervous, defensive pride.

'Dammit.' He felt horrible enough. “...” An equally silent apology, obscured by the same nervous, defensive sense of pride as Inuyasha.

Slowly but surely, Inuyasha sat down beside Kouga, folding his arms and shutting his eyes with a strait expression. A mural understanding through silence. Kouga still sat, his head turned away reluctantly, his knees drawn up to his chest. Damn, what was wrong with him? Why did he fell this way!? He didn't understand it! His eyes narrowed and trembled, feeling an anger surging through him, awakened by the guilt he felt towards Inuyasha. His fist clinched tightly at his side and his jaw was clinched so tightly it began to ache, this was anger he was afraid of.

Enlightenment came suddenly.

He understood it now, this anger that swallowed him like fire. He was angry because he had just sent the two remaining members of his pack after something he himself could not defeat, and there was a good chance that they could never come back. He was furious because he couldn't do it himself since he had to stay behind and help protect Houjo and Souta, who it was after in the first place. He was angry that his entire pack was dead and he had been powerless to stop it, he was angry that they were all dead and he was still alive. He hated that Hakkaku and Ginta always smiled at him, always looked at him with a strait face even when he yelled at them. Why didn't they stand up for themselves! Why didn't they yell back, strike him, anything! He hated that they always stuck by him no matter what, even when they were staring death in the face, he didn't want to see them die, he'd rather die himself. He was more thankful for their patience with him then anything else.

The more he thought about it, the more he didn't understand it.

“...d-damnit.” A trembling, weak curse made it's way out of Kouga's mouth and he clinched his eyes shut tightly. An unsure whisper.

“?” Inuyasha looked at him fully, forgetting the guilty reluctance he held for the inquiring curiosity Kouga had peeked in him. 'Huh?'

“...” That violent anger built in him so strongly that his muscle became taunt enough to cause Kouga's entire body to tremble visibly. He couldn't take this! He couldn't take this anymore! In an eruption, Kouga stood to his feet, his eyes fixed hatefully at moon, and screamed. “Goddammit!” A blind, furious, outburst!

“!” Inuyasha flinched,staring up at Kouga in confusion. “Kouga?” A worried questioning.

“Dammit!” Kouga screamed again, his entire body trembling at this fierce voice. He lost himself, a fury over took him, the same fury that made him want to strike Ginta and Hakkaku, the same depression that made him howl at the moon every night. A hatred seeped from every word, so intense that he felt that familiar swelling in his chest he grew so hot he could hardly breathe. “Fuck!” A curse uttered to whatever circumstances of fate allowed this misery to come on him.

“Kouga?” Inuyasha slowly stumbled to his feet, his confusion amounting to worry. He was startled, afraid even, not for himself, but for Kouga. He didn't know why, he was never very good at preserving those types of things, he saw an anger like nothing he'd never seen in Kouga before, the intense hate in his cries made him flinch. “Kouga! What's wrong?” A pleading, fearful cry for calm.

“Dammit!” Inuyasha's words didn't reach him, they came from some far away place, the anger coursing through him made it too great a distance to be understood. This unknown, repressed force built in him so hard and fast his head began to spin and ache, reality became dull and blurry before his vision, he felt as if he'd pass out. His eyes began to water and he wasn't aware of it, nor was he conscious of the tears falling down his cheeks, that he was crying at all. Finally he could do nothing more then throw his head back and roar as loudly as he could. “!” A hard, sharp, desperate cry without focus.

“Kouga stop!” A worried, fearful Inuyasha scrambled discontentedly for something to say, to do, anything that would stop this. What was wrong with him? Why was he so angry that he burst into this blind rage? It was then that he felt more deeply then ever what Kouga had grown to mean to him,seeing this tormented, this confused riot within Kouga... To see tears, to see him actually crying, it caused a more terrified fear then he could hope to describe, he couldn't hope to recall all of the things that ran though his mind. Was there was not a set of words which he had in common with Kouga, words which would make others understand the sense worry and fear and turmoil in him It was unbearable! And finally he just acted, he reached out and clamped his hands tightly on to Kouga's shoulder, trying to hold him still. “Calm down!” Forgetting pride and thought for action.

He didn't see Inuyasha, all he was aware of was the touch, something tangible, something he could blame, something he could direct this fury at! Kouga growled loudly and threw a hard punch at Inuyasha, striking him across the face and feeling that hard contact he long to feel since the desire had rose in him to do the same to Hakkaku and Ginta. He struck again and again! Growling more fiercely then ever. “Son of a bitch!” Lashing out with violence like a cornered, wounded animal.

Inuyasha winced and nearly stumbled back, feeling the dizzying pain from the blows, but for the first time in his life he didn't want to strike back. “Kouga! Stop!” With every inch of his strength he pushed the resisting wolf back against the rock wall, hard, and pined him there. Wishing desperately that whatever had come over Kouga would cease before he hurt himself. He grunted in pain as he felt the blows continue, striking his torso hard enough to nearly knock the wind out of him. But he only held tighter, his claws digging into Kouga's shoulder hard enough to draw blood. “Please...stop...” One last desperate plea...

Kouga threw it head into Inuyasha's hard enough draw blood forehead, and to Inuyasha appeasement, finally stopped punching. Kouga pressed his hands against Inuyasha's chest, trying futilely to push him away with weak snarls and tired groans. Slowly but surely his strength began to ebb and his repulsion became weaker and weaker until it was none existent, he'd ceased fighting, and with his strength went his fury. How could one fight with nothing to fight with? He began to come in control of himself again, find a wetness on his cheek, '?' he was crying and had never known it. “...” His heart pounded in his chest and he was gasping for air, trying to fill his starved lungs. His muscles were trembling with weakness, he could feel Inuyasha's heart racing against his palm, he could feel the Hanyou's chest rapidly rising and falling under his hand. “Un...” All at once his legs gave out, but with Inuyasha's grip he sank slowly to his knees.

Inuyasha still held on to him, almost afraid to move away from fear that Kouga might go into another panic and send him into a worried fear. “K-Kouga...” His words were frightened and trembling, why couldn't he let go? Why couldn't he seem to find the strength to pull his eyes away, to draw himself away? Did Kouga mean this much to him that he was *this* afraid the Youkai would lose himself again?

Kouga blinked and his vision cleared, the world became hard, sharp, mechanical again and just stared up at Inuyasha as if he was a questioning child who didn't know what to do next. Blue eyes locked on to golden ones, feeling almost as if he had just woken up from a dream and found himself in some obscure place. “Inu...Inuyasha....” His hands clinched Inuyasha's shirt with a tight grip, he felt confused, why couldn't he let go? Inuyasha stood before him, quiet, solid, confused but real. His tangible presence seemed to believe only the vague thoughts and hopes that Kouga had woven around him in his broodings. He was glad that Inuyasha was here, but he was bewildered. “I...” Struggling to find himself again.

Enlightenment comes suddenly.

“Are you... “ Inuyasha slowly pulled his hands away from Kouga, his words low, shy, weak, like Souta's. He felt in a new way towards Kouga, a way he'd never felt about him, a way he'd never known he felt about him. He didn't know what it was, it was just there, and it had something to do with why he was so reluctant to let go. “Are you...o-o-”

“Yeah.” Kouga nodded, understanding what he meant. And slowly he was able to release Inuyasha, letting his hands fall listlessly at his side. “I'm ok now...”

Inuyasha took in a deep breath and slowly eased himself down against the wall beside Kouga. He gave up on trying to speak, he would have just felt more awkward then he already did, the last thing he needed was that.

Kouga dropped his head, quickly wiping away the tears from his eyes, for this one moment he didn't feel adverse of Inuyasha seeing him like this. How could he, after that he felt almost like he could do anything in front of Inuyasha and not feel awkward, like he could see Inuyasha was feeling. There was almost a deadened demeanor about him, no life, no energy, simply the feeling of left over sadness like stagnate water. With a swollen, heavy heart, he let his head fall back against the wall, saddened blue eyes focusing on the large blue moon hanging close in the sky, and he howled.

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