Innocent Beginnings

Chapter 19: What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Another month gone by, I sighed as I marked a huge pink X through the last day on my calendar. Propping my chin in my hands, I looked out the window at the rain… wishing I was on a warm tropical beach in the arms of my mystery lover…

“Rin? Phone!”, Kikyo called from downstairs. I leaned over to pick up the extension on my desk.

“Hello?”

“Rin? It’s Kohaku.”

“Kohaku who?’, I yawned hugely.

“KOHAKU as in ‘I’ll come over and kick your ass instead of take you to see a movie today unless you smile when you say my name like that, KOHAKU!’”, he huffed.

“Ohhhhhhh… that Kohaku. Hello”, I smiled, twirling a strand of hair around my finger. I really needed to get a haircut and soon but I just wasn’t in the mood for anything much, hadn’t been for weeks. I knew it had everything to do with Sesshomaru and hated myself for allowing my emotions to wear me down.

“Yeah, THAT Kohaku! Jeez! There’s a double feature with Terminator and Terminator II playing at the CinePlex two towns over. If it’s OK with Reika and Ichi, I can be there in twenty minutes.”, he said, the sound of his munching carrying through quite loudly over the phone.

“What are you eating?”, I asked.

“Doritos but I’ll brush my teeth before I come.”, he said.

“What if I don’t like Terminator?”, I asked, feeling like picking a fight with him… with ANYONE. Was I nuts?

“Rin, who DOESN’T like Terminator? C’mon!”, he fussed, his voice muffled as he chomped more chips.

“Fine. I suppose I need to give the phone back to Auntie then?”, I asked.

“Nope. Already asked. See you in a few and be ready! We’re gonna be late if you aren’t.”, he said and then the line went dead.

I heaved out a breath and stood, stretching my arms over my head. It was Saturday and I’d been entombed in my room all morning. Looking at the clock I winced when I saw it was nearly 2pm - I still had on my PJ’s.

A knock at my door sounded seconds before Reika peeked inside with a smile.

“So are you going?”, she asked, closing the door behind her.

“I guess.”, I said.

“Rin, what’s been wrong with you these past few weeks? You’ve seemed so down. Is everything ok with your studies? Kohaku seems pleased with your progress.”, she said.

“My course work is fine. I’m fine.”, I sighed as I slid out of the dark purple cotton lounging pants I’d come to live in over the past month.

“Are you feeling OK? I mean, should we schedule you for a doctor’s appointment, maybe?”, she asked, worry threading through her features.

“No! I said I was fine.”, I said a bit more sharply than I should’ve. I saw the confusion in her eyes and bit my lip. What WAS wrong with me? I wasn’t even sure. For weeks I’d drug myself from one place to the next trying to feel something I just didn’t feel. Things had been going great for me, my life looking more and more normal as each day wore on. So why was I so down?

“I’m sorry, Auntie. I didn’t mean to speak that way. I just… I don’t know. I’m going through some things right now and as soon as I can get my head round them, I’ll be fine.”, I said, walking over to my closet.

“I’m glad Kohaku is able to get you out of this house… out of this ROOM!”, she said, causing me to turn my head her way, a pair of jeans clutched firmly in my hand.

“What’s that supposed to m”, I”, I asked, narrowing my eyes. “I’ve done my share of chores. My grades are good so far, I’m on track to start with my class, even AHEAD of my class next term. I’m surviving and I’m doing fine!”, I choked out, wishing everyone would just leave me alone.

“Fine. Ok, Rin. I’ll leave you be for now but if things aren’t looking better with you within the next few weeks, I’m scheduling you for a doctor visit. I owe your mother that much at least.”, she said softly as she rose from my bed and walked toward the door.

“You don’t owe my mother anything al anl and I’m fine!”, I said through clenched teeth as I watched her walk out the door and shut it firmly behind her. Tears stung my eyes as I balled up the shirt I’d tugged loose from its hanger and threw it at the door. I didn’t want to hurt her. It killed me to see pain in her eyes, pain that I’d caused. So why couldn’t I seem to stop?

The sound of Kohaku’s horn heralding his arrival had me cursing a blue streak and I hurriedly slipped into my jeans and grabbed for the first thing my hands closed over, an oversized black Reebok sweatshirt of Sesshomaru’s that I’d borrowed some time back. Pulling it over my head, I went to my bedroom window and pulled back the curtain, waving a hand at Kohaku. His impatient wave back beckoned and laughing, I rancklyckly into the bathroom to run a brush through my hair and splash cold water on my face. The last thing I needed was another person questioning me about my state of mind. I prayed Kohaku was as adept at noticing my moods as he’d been from the very start and just let things lie as they were. Racing down the stairs, I called out a quick goodbye and headed for the door.

“Have a good time, Rin.”, Aunt Reika called from the living room where she sat with Kikyo watching an old Friends re-run.

“I’ll try. Bye!”, I called back and hurried out of the house, glad now that Kohaku had called to rescue me from my self imposed confines.

Running through the rain, I grabbed the car door that he had leaned over to open for me and sank down into the sweet familiarity of his car.

“I told you to be ready!”, he frowned, gunning the engine before pulling back out into the street.

“I was ready! Here I am!”, I said, running a hand through my damp hair.

“Jeez, Rin! Don’t take this the wrong way but you look like CRAP!”, he said, leaning over me to open the dash for a fresh pack of cigarettes.

“Don’t take that the wrong way? How am I supposed to accomplish such as that, Kohaku? I look like CRAP or is it SHIT?”, I growled, grabbing the cigarette from between his lips and putting it between my own. Snatching the lighter from the ash tray of the car, I pressed it to the end of the stick and took a deep drag, feeling his eyes on me every step of the way.

“Just what in the fucking HELL do you think you’re doing?”, he asked, his brown eyes wide.

“Lighting your cigarette for you.”, I said, taking it from between my lips and guiding it toward his own.

“You did that like a pro! Are you smoking now, Rin?”, he asked, taking a strong pull on it before turning his head to the barely opened window to exhale.

“No, I’m not smoking, Kohaku. Nor am I drinking, having sex, or eating too much chocolate!”, I fumed, slumping down in the seat.

“You are SUCH a joy to be around these days. Can’t be PMSess ess it’s the world’s longest case but hey! Maybe you’re a record breaker, who knows?”, he winked as he took another puff.

“You’re really funny, Kohaku. As many girls as you go out with, you haven’t yet learned that talking about PMS only gets your head bashed in?”, I asked, throwing him a look before taking the cigarette from between his lips once more.

“Hey!!”, he cried, watchinain ain as I put it between my lips and took another drag off it. “You’re a little liar, you know that?”, he barked, taking the cigarette back into his possession. “And DON’T do that again!”, he insisted, smoking it down to the filter before flipping it out the car window.

“Why did you call me to go to the movies?”, I asked him.

“Because nobody else will go see Terminator with me and it’s raining and HAS been raining for days and I’m going stir crazy in my apartment and I knew you needed to get out and I’ve been worried about you.”, he finished in one breath.

I started to laugh then. If I couldn’t count on up front honesty from anyone else in my life, if I needed to be pushed past the point that I couldn’t take anymore, if I wanted blunt, in your face, get off your ass frankness - I couldn’t have found anyone be tha than Kohaku for the job.

“It’s the truth. Every last bit of it.”, he said defensively, cutting his eyes toward me as if expecting me to argue with him.

My feelings had changed for Kohaku over the two months I’d gotten to know him. No longer did I have a crush on the handsome devil, I’d gotten over that early on when I realized my loneliness for Sesshomaru was the true motivator in pushing me toward Kohaku. I now considered him my friend… a very close friend. I mighart art talk him when we occasionally hung out together but never did I disrespect him when he was helping me out with my studies or easing me into a conversation that I just couldn’t have with anyone else.

Kohaku was genuine and true, loyal to his buddies and as easy going and laid back as they came. When I looked at the air headed girls he dated, I wondered how he could lower himself so much and realized that maybe he enjoyed them for whatever they COULD offer him. I’d come to believe that he was a very complex person and finding a true love match would’ve been really difficult for him, I guessed mor more likely, he simply just wanted to screw around and have fun as most guys his age did and he’d settle down when he felt like it!

Now THAT thought brought me zooming straight back down because it reminded me way too much of Sesshomaru. I banished the inference entirely and pressed my face to the window, looking out at the rain as it continued to faA haA hand on my arm brought me out of my reverie and looking back over my shoulder I saw the concern in Kohaku’s big, brown eyes.

“We don’t have to do the movie thing, Rin. We could always go back to my place and hang out. You know that.”, he said softly.

Yeah, we’d done that plenty of times too. Kohaku seemed to know I needed SOMETHING from him and without questioning me, he’d pretty much uncovered on his own what it was. Close, true friendship. I craved it.

Many was the time he’dled led to ask me to go to a movie or a walk in the park or maybe just to market with him and somehow we’d end up back at his apartment, lying on his bed listening to music and talking.

No, we’d not had sex nor did I expect we would. But we did kiss, we had held hands and I did love him in a way that was totally unlike what I felt for Sesshomaru. If he felt strange about our age difference, he never showed it nor mentioned it. If we were out hanging with his buddies and something amused him to the point of affection, he thought nothing of grabbing my face between those two large tanned hands of his and kissing my socks off. But he did that with all his ‘girl’ friends. That was just Kohaku.

Yet he was a secret I kept firmly to myself. I knew that no matter how open minded Aunt Reika was and no matter how much she trusted Kohaku with me… she’d never accept the fact that there was genuine true affection between us and she would go ballistic if she even THOUGHT I was at his apartment alone with him.

So he was my secret… and I loved him, depended on him… and needed him-separately and totally individually from the way I felt for Sesshomaru. I would never love anyone the way I loved the moody, temperamental, bossy git that had climbed deep into my heart early on and continued to live there. Sesshomaru was my heart… I knew that deep in my bones… and so did Kohaku. He was the only person I’d ever confessed my feelings about Sesshomao. Ao. And he’d listened and not said one word before, during, or after. He didn’t judge, he didn’t laugh, and he didn’t rage. He just listened. That was all I’d needed. To get it out in the open to someone that KNEW me well…

“Rin!”, Kohaku broke through my thoughts once more. Damn, I was edging toward certain meltdown.

“Let’s go back to yours. Do you mind?”, I asked him.

“Nope, not if you’ll let me stop by VideoStar and pick up the Terminators. It’ll be cheaper anyway if we stay in and rent. I think I’ve got popcorn too.”, he mused as he swung the car back toward his place.

I had to laugh! That was my Kohaku!

“How about I clean your apartment while you watch Terminator?”, I offered.

“Why do I feel like there’s a deal coming on?”, he groaned, parking in front of the video store.

“No deal. I just feel the need to do something useful. You can watch your movie and I’ll clean your place and maybe… fix dinner!”, I smiled.

“Is that a threat?”, he frowned. “Cause somehow I just don’t think you can cook, Rin!”, he said.

“I can SO cook! What have you got in your kitchen besides noodles and peanut butter and moldy bread?”, I asked.

“Eggs, cereal, coffee, butter.”, he squinted ioughought.

“Then take me by the market and we’ll pick something out that you like and I can cook. That’ll be my thank you fortingting me out of my room today.”, I said and leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek.

A sweet understanding look passed over his face as he nodded and then he was out of the car and running through the rain into the video store, leaving me alone with my thoughts and tears.