Strength
folder
InuYasha › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
46
Views:
44,007
Reviews:
434
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
InuYasha › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
46
Views:
44,007
Reviews:
434
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.
The weight of responsibility
Lol real short offering, just because I wanted to post something for my birthday, I will try to add to this before I leave for Turkey, for the conference/holiday. :)
Anyway just a short pressie from me to you in honor of the 16th of April.
Read Review and ENJOOOYY! - err... its only of those if you can – Angst alert!
Chapter 17 : The weight of responsibility
It took 5 days for things in the Western Castle to settle down. When Sesshoumaru had introduced his pups, the Western Lands had gone crazy with joy, (well as crazy as Sesshoumaru allowed) the celebrations had lasted a good 4 days. The children had been the center of it, decked out in royal clothes, everyone was focused on the little ones, few even noticed the gray clad Hanyou standing in the background. Inuyasha quite successfully made himself inconspicuous, he was always close to the children, so they did not notice the subtle withdrawal of his Youki, Sesshoumaru of course did. But short of forcing the Hanyou there was not much he could do about it, except growl his displeasure, which Inuyasha paid absolutely no mind to.
On the 5th day things finally calmed down, and everyone – had taken to bed at late evening. Inuyasha and the pups were in the west wing of the Palace. A hall, family dining room, play room and baths made the wing self contained. Sesshoumaru had the largest room in the wing, Inuyasha was currently sleeping in what was obviously a guest room. The implication that he was to soon share the main room, was not lost on the Hanyou. Hana and Shiori had opted to set up a home in a small cottage in the vast gardens, near the West Wing. Each pup (including Shippo) had a room of their own, with servants more then happy to decorate the rooms to the pup's taste.
Inuyasha had put the pups to bed, visiting each room, spending alone time with the 3 pups and kit. He was pleased at the decorations and he warmth in each room. Already Shiori's paintings decorated the walls. Inuyasha smiled at the memories each picture represented, each pup's room had their favorite painting in it, with Shippo's in the making. The rooms had been turned from functional into warm and welcoming, it was a good place for his pups to grow up. Inuyasha went into his room which was empty, lacking in the touches that would have made it his own. He had put up a few decorations on the first day there, only to have them removed at Sesshoumaru's orders.
Sesshoumaru himself had informed Inuyasha that since the room was only temporary, there was no need to decorate it. The puppy eared half demon, had only nodded and walked away, he did not ask the servants what they had done with his items, instead he had carefully ensured that all his personal items stayed in his trunks were they belonged. It was probably best he kept his things in the trunks anyway, it would make it easier to clear his stuff when the time came. However you looked at it, HE never had a place royal Inu house-hold after all, he was only here for the sake of the pups.
Inuyasha tried to lie down to sleep, he tossed and turned for a couple of hours, then the aching began. Inuyasha sighed softly, he sat up and buried his face in the palms of his hands. He breathed in deeply a few times, before raising his head. His face was grim and very determined. The goddess had advised him to not use his Youki too much in the first year after his pups were born. He had not heeded that advice, he had a family to protect, as a result, his body was breaking down a lot faster than was expected.
If they waited much longer, he would not be able to carry the pups to term. Now or in two years? Did it make a difference? They could not be sure he would get pregnant immediately, it may be months before he was carrying. There was no way of being certain. All in all the truth was time was no longer a luxury Inuyasha had, and he was very, very conscious of that fact.
Slowly Inuyasha uncurled from is sitting position on the bed, and it spite of the ache he gracefully left his bed. He pulled on a simple silk gray robe over his white night pants and tunic. His long white hair like a glistening wave, fell softly around him. On bare feet he ghosted out of his room and faced the heavy door of the main room. He could sense the Youkai beyond the door.
Inexplicably, as if to add to his pain, the memory of the last time he had gone to his brother flashed in his mind. He could not hold back the shudder. In spite of having gotten used to Sesshoumaru's presence, his skin crawled, and his throat dried out. He could feel the hard ground under his knees, he could hear his brother's mocking growls in his ears, he could feel his body breaking, being used, being torn apart. The smell of the ground as his face was pressed into it, the smell of his own blood rich in the air, and above and beyond it all the scent of his Alpha, Lord Sesshoumaru, tearing into him, destroying him, killing him. He froze, his body refused to take another step all bile rose in his throat. He was afraid, he was so scared...his breathing shortened... so damnably scared.
FUCKING COWARDLY HANYOU!! Inuyasha growled at himself. STUPID IDIOTIC MUTT WHAT KIND OF DICKLESS THOUGHTS IS THIS!!! ITS THE PAST, YOU ALLOWED IT!! GET OVER YOUR PATHETIC SELF!! Anger at the weakness that suddenly overcame him. His hands curled into fists, his own claws bit into the palms of his hand. No, he would not prove himself a coward. He had made his decisions and he would fucking live with the consequence. Silver bangs covered his eyes, as Inuyasha took deep breaths. Slowly he forced the memories into the dark places of his mind, he wrestled the emotions and stomped on them until all that remained was the bitter taste in his mouth. Slowly he established control.
His breathing evened out, Inuyasha finally raised his head. Golden eyes were deliberately blank. His face was impassive and determined, this was his decision, his responsibility. As he had painfully learned to do, he took full responsibility for this decision on to his shoulders. It was his choice, his actions and ultimately he would bear responsibility for the consequences of the action. No one else, he would not allow anyone else to suffer for his choices. The muscles in his back seemed to flinch and tense as the invisible weight settled down, it was heavy, monstrously so, but he bore it, as he had bore everything else, with all his flagging strength, shattered heart and indomitable will.
Inuyasha walked to the door and raised a hand to knock.
---tbc---
Lol welll.... tormenting readers with cliffies is a great way to celebrate, no? Hahahahah :3
Review please
Anyway just a short pressie from me to you in honor of the 16th of April.
Read Review and ENJOOOYY! - err... its only of those if you can – Angst alert!
Chapter 17 : The weight of responsibility
It took 5 days for things in the Western Castle to settle down. When Sesshoumaru had introduced his pups, the Western Lands had gone crazy with joy, (well as crazy as Sesshoumaru allowed) the celebrations had lasted a good 4 days. The children had been the center of it, decked out in royal clothes, everyone was focused on the little ones, few even noticed the gray clad Hanyou standing in the background. Inuyasha quite successfully made himself inconspicuous, he was always close to the children, so they did not notice the subtle withdrawal of his Youki, Sesshoumaru of course did. But short of forcing the Hanyou there was not much he could do about it, except growl his displeasure, which Inuyasha paid absolutely no mind to.
On the 5th day things finally calmed down, and everyone – had taken to bed at late evening. Inuyasha and the pups were in the west wing of the Palace. A hall, family dining room, play room and baths made the wing self contained. Sesshoumaru had the largest room in the wing, Inuyasha was currently sleeping in what was obviously a guest room. The implication that he was to soon share the main room, was not lost on the Hanyou. Hana and Shiori had opted to set up a home in a small cottage in the vast gardens, near the West Wing. Each pup (including Shippo) had a room of their own, with servants more then happy to decorate the rooms to the pup's taste.
Inuyasha had put the pups to bed, visiting each room, spending alone time with the 3 pups and kit. He was pleased at the decorations and he warmth in each room. Already Shiori's paintings decorated the walls. Inuyasha smiled at the memories each picture represented, each pup's room had their favorite painting in it, with Shippo's in the making. The rooms had been turned from functional into warm and welcoming, it was a good place for his pups to grow up. Inuyasha went into his room which was empty, lacking in the touches that would have made it his own. He had put up a few decorations on the first day there, only to have them removed at Sesshoumaru's orders.
Sesshoumaru himself had informed Inuyasha that since the room was only temporary, there was no need to decorate it. The puppy eared half demon, had only nodded and walked away, he did not ask the servants what they had done with his items, instead he had carefully ensured that all his personal items stayed in his trunks were they belonged. It was probably best he kept his things in the trunks anyway, it would make it easier to clear his stuff when the time came. However you looked at it, HE never had a place royal Inu house-hold after all, he was only here for the sake of the pups.
Inuyasha tried to lie down to sleep, he tossed and turned for a couple of hours, then the aching began. Inuyasha sighed softly, he sat up and buried his face in the palms of his hands. He breathed in deeply a few times, before raising his head. His face was grim and very determined. The goddess had advised him to not use his Youki too much in the first year after his pups were born. He had not heeded that advice, he had a family to protect, as a result, his body was breaking down a lot faster than was expected.
If they waited much longer, he would not be able to carry the pups to term. Now or in two years? Did it make a difference? They could not be sure he would get pregnant immediately, it may be months before he was carrying. There was no way of being certain. All in all the truth was time was no longer a luxury Inuyasha had, and he was very, very conscious of that fact.
Slowly Inuyasha uncurled from is sitting position on the bed, and it spite of the ache he gracefully left his bed. He pulled on a simple silk gray robe over his white night pants and tunic. His long white hair like a glistening wave, fell softly around him. On bare feet he ghosted out of his room and faced the heavy door of the main room. He could sense the Youkai beyond the door.
Inexplicably, as if to add to his pain, the memory of the last time he had gone to his brother flashed in his mind. He could not hold back the shudder. In spite of having gotten used to Sesshoumaru's presence, his skin crawled, and his throat dried out. He could feel the hard ground under his knees, he could hear his brother's mocking growls in his ears, he could feel his body breaking, being used, being torn apart. The smell of the ground as his face was pressed into it, the smell of his own blood rich in the air, and above and beyond it all the scent of his Alpha, Lord Sesshoumaru, tearing into him, destroying him, killing him. He froze, his body refused to take another step all bile rose in his throat. He was afraid, he was so scared...his breathing shortened... so damnably scared.
FUCKING COWARDLY HANYOU!! Inuyasha growled at himself. STUPID IDIOTIC MUTT WHAT KIND OF DICKLESS THOUGHTS IS THIS!!! ITS THE PAST, YOU ALLOWED IT!! GET OVER YOUR PATHETIC SELF!! Anger at the weakness that suddenly overcame him. His hands curled into fists, his own claws bit into the palms of his hand. No, he would not prove himself a coward. He had made his decisions and he would fucking live with the consequence. Silver bangs covered his eyes, as Inuyasha took deep breaths. Slowly he forced the memories into the dark places of his mind, he wrestled the emotions and stomped on them until all that remained was the bitter taste in his mouth. Slowly he established control.
His breathing evened out, Inuyasha finally raised his head. Golden eyes were deliberately blank. His face was impassive and determined, this was his decision, his responsibility. As he had painfully learned to do, he took full responsibility for this decision on to his shoulders. It was his choice, his actions and ultimately he would bear responsibility for the consequences of the action. No one else, he would not allow anyone else to suffer for his choices. The muscles in his back seemed to flinch and tense as the invisible weight settled down, it was heavy, monstrously so, but he bore it, as he had bore everything else, with all his flagging strength, shattered heart and indomitable will.
Inuyasha walked to the door and raised a hand to knock.
---tbc---
Lol welll.... tormenting readers with cliffies is a great way to celebrate, no? Hahahahah :3
Review please