Affliction

No one enjoys being the "bad guy". No one likes to be referred to as being weak. No one likes therapy; especially Inuyasha. Shifting nervously upon the metal chair, which had been aggravatingly cold, Inuyasha fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, azure orbs transferring their gaze from the other "junkies" and Sesshomaru. Keh, Sesshomaru. Being as obnoxiously overprotective and annoyingly curious per usual, the youkai insisted on attending the meeting. Regardless of his defense and no matter how much he argued, Inuyasha was not having his way this time. So, there Sesshomaru sat with that stoic look upon his face, golden eyes flickering a disgust for the other patrons. There was no reason for him to truly be there, but his bemused nature over the situation his mate had gotten himself into won the internal debate.

Step One: "We admitted we are powerless over our addiction - our lives had become unmanageable."

Okay. Admittance required, admittance given. Inuyasha had been forced to reconcile with his "problem" and Sesshomaru would force it upon him whether he wanted it or not. Luckily for the hanyou, the urgency to resolve the conflict had begun before Sesshomaru entered the picture after decades of absence. A speaker stood in the middle of the circled chairs rambling on about, not caring of an admitted defeat, how being powerless is liberating for recovery, allergy and obsession. This wasn't impressive, in fact, both demons mentally rolled their eyes.

"Alright, who would like to tell us their story? Hm? Hm? Oh, yes you! You there..."

Inuyasha felt his stomach churn with unrivalled nausea.

"I'm...not ready."

A growl rang within fluffed ears, Sesshomaru being the assailant in the matter.

"It began...years ago. It started as being something to just do and get high from. It began when my relationship was falling apart. I hated myself...hated...that person. It freed me, put me above the hell I was going through. Then, I became depressed, obsessed, angry, hurt...sad. I made a band with some friends. Or, atleast I thought they were friends. My partner kicked me out of their life because I wouldn't leave my dream behind. I finally loved back, but...it was...too late. I began using more frequently, finding it to comfort me now. Then started the sex with whomever. Sex and drugs and rock-n-roll. You know the saying. That was me, living the a-typical rocker life. My partner came back, found me overdosed, left me in the hospital to rot on my own...now, here I am. But, I don't feel like I should be here. I vote. I teach now. I spend my free time doing charity stuff...why should I be here. Isn't this for trashy people who deserve this pain. This...hell."

Saltwater threatened to rain as Inuyasha forced himself to stop speaking finding it only to hurt him more than to release and liberate. Golden orbs thinned as the hanyou's hurt crashed into Sesshomaru, taking him by storm. Traipsing fingertips through ebony mane by means of comfort and encouragement, the youkai drew his brother a little closer. Having Sesshomaru there felt like it was destroying him inside; his brother's presence wasn't helping. Inuyasha kept his gaze adrift from his mate's only finding it a neverending battle to see the look in those eyes.

Step Two: "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

Sanity? Inuyasha felt like he was sane and as far as this Power...he was agnostic. This step was useless. So, being defiant as usual of his nature, the hanyou simply overlooked this section of the pamphlet. Others had started their own tales of horror concerning drugs and or alcohol; Inuyasha wasn't paying much attention.

Step Three: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

Again, agnostic. However, Sesshomaru could be seen as this "saving grace", a greater Power if you will. For Inuyasha, his brother had been the universe, the sun and moon, the great power-that-is. Without ever admitting it, Inuyasha sought for more in the youkai than just a mate or sibling. No, it was something far deeper, far greater, far more important.

Step Four: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

This was faulty on many levels; Inuyasha was still bitter, self-justified most everything he did, accepted Sesshomaru even when he promised himself he wouldn't do it again, and he was insecure about everything. But, Inuyasha was aware of the consequences to his impulsive actions and how to take the precautions if any problem would arise as well as the solutions to such. So, in an obscure way, the hanyou was half-and-half on this one.

Step Five: "Admitted God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

God. Human. Agnostic. Demon. Inuyasha had confessed to himself the wrongness of his addiction and to Sesshomaru. Who else had he screwed over? No one. Sesshomaru had been elected as his confidant, his help-line so to speak.

Step Six: "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

Again with God. Inuyasha hadn't been keen on awakening any spiritual jive within, so yet once more, he disregarded this step. Eventhough a part of him yearned to believe in some power-that-be to aide him on this journey.

Step Seven: "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

Well, Inuyasha had a debate with his inner-self to stop being so stupid. Inner-self agreed to be more complaint.

Step Eight: "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."

The list: Myself, Sesshomaru. Inuyasha didn't see any harm caused to his other "friends" - they were all still doped up, tuned off, and in their own worlds. So, in the reality of the hanyou's mind, that only left he and his brother.

Step Nine: "Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to so would injure them or others."

Well, he was in therapy making some attempt at normality. Every morning and evening he did self-talk, chatting it up with his reflection in the mirror or having a conversation with himself in his head. Supposedly, this was healthy. And he had decided to forgive Sesshomaru and try this relationship thing by compromising. Inuyasha felt this step was complete, justified, no need to continue tiring his efforts out by being redundant.

Step Ten: "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."

Had he been wrong about anything lately, Sesshomaru would gladly point it out and Inuyasha would huff and pout and storm off. Then, return hours later and apologize. We all heal in our own time, our own way, our own terms. Or so would be argued by Inuyasha.

Step Eleven: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

This was beginning to read like stereo instructions. Again and again and again. Ag...nos...tic. Inuyasha felt this was being a tad bit biased, but kept that portion to himself. Meditation he could handle; Sesshomaru would even meditate with him. Hell, Sesshomaru even made one of the rooms within the chateau especially for meditation. It had candles, incense, aromatherapy oils and lotions, his brother had gone to extremities. Inuyasha had meditated frequently and even though these lunatics -as he often referred to them- might be on to something with this step.

Step Twelve: "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tries to carry this message, and to practice these principals in all our affairs."

Inuyasha was still working on this one.

Eventually, the two hours had passed and everyone was swapping cooking tips, how to convey the "Word", and exchanging phone numbers. One such person had tried this with Inuyasha and Sesshomaru quickly rose to extinguish that fire. Stating something along the lines of, "He has me." It was admirable, but yet so childish. Perhaps the youkai should attend an anger management session or ten. After enjoying the company of the others who seemed like they shared similar experiences, Inuyasha felt not as nervous as before, but his sibling's approach was still uncomfortable for him.

Exiting the community center hand in hand, Sesshomaru gingerly pinned Inuyasha against his 'vette, nudging his nose against a snowy ear. Chest to chest, the youkai drenched himself in the sound of his brother's heartbeat as if trying to feel that pain, that unsureness, that defeat. Silently damning the powers-that-be for not being able to cure Inuyasha, the youkai felt again impotent...frustrated; Sesshomaru felt his heart bleeding. Withdrawing from the embrace, an insecruity flickered within golden orbs as they serached over the figure in their sights. Infinite questions...limited answers.

"I'm proud of you, Inuyasha. You know that, right?"

Keh, surely Sesshomaru was jesting.

"Whatever..."

"No, honestly. I admire your ability to be strong no matter the odds. I'm proud you're trying to heal yourself."

"You ain't kiddin'?"

"I never do."

Placing a chaste kiss upon Inuyasha's nose, Sesshomaru escorted the hanyou into the car. Maybe, they were finally getting it right...