Affliction

**Disclaimer** Lyrics used for this chapter only are from Him's "Face of God"; and nope, I own nothing of the song or group.

Sunlight beat against the window of the loft, velour curtains providing a wall between the rays and contents indoors; azure eyes squinted as though to adjust to the light, a hand reached upwards to brush away the invisible veil of sleep that lurked there still. Inuyasha watched as Sesshomaru continued to sleep being curled within his arms, watching with uncertainty and a glint of shame being unaware of any true motive the youkai possessed. Dreams of such an encounter waltzed through night after almost night which did nothing other than torment Inuyasha making Sesshomaru even more unreachable, untouchable. Now, there they lay intertwined together by arms and legs alike. Whatever cursed the powers-that-be to provoke his brother to embrace him as he did, to give himself in a humble way, was an enigma.

|| "I'm probably just some thrill for him, some whore. Maybe he'll just toss me out again like he did the last time we were naked together. I'll never learn...I'm a fucking idiot!" ||

Chiding himself for acting so impulsive and believing that song-and-dance of his brother at the school, Inuyasha mentally rolled his eyes while shuffling from Sesshomaru's hold.

"I'm drained but aching for more...and the Devil inside is reading the words of the saddest poem to be engraved on the stone on my grave..."

Jerking from slumber, Sesshomaru growled with the sensation of his lover being next to him now gone; surprised from such action, golden orbs narrowed then focused on a shadow tracing along the wall with a swell of relief passing by. Inuyasha had been rummaging around as if to find his discarded clothes. Bewitched, the youkai continued viewing his brother as if nothing else mattered in the world or mattered to him. Sure they had their moments of bitter disgust and hatred, but those rare moments of compassion where always welcomed. This was complicated and complication disturbed Sesshomaru, made him feel impotent. Coming forward upon elbows, Sesshomaru titled his head to the side as he examined the expressions of Inuyasha's body and face as though searching for the unseen. It had always been the unknown that rattled the youkai for he only wanted to deal with absolutes; absolutes that he would be able to control.

"I'd kill to share your pain and sell my soul just to hear you say...'I dream what you're dreaming and feel what you're feeling'..."

"Come back to bed, Inuyasha." It came across as more of a demand than a request, Sesshomaru almost wanting to back up his previous statement with something more welcoming. That just wasn't his style.

"Why should I? Aren't you about to toss me out on my ass like usual."

"Don't be absurd. Now, I won't ask you again."

It was difficult dealing with Inuyasha and his fickle emotions; this put great restraint on the civilness Sesshomaru was trying to bestow upon his brother. Many doubts loomed with each decision made regarding this relationship: was he able to accept his brother's foolhardy decisions concerning his professional life? Would Inuyasha go back to using that...drug? Would he lie? Would he go back to promiscuous sex with strangers? Mental exhaustion began to weigh over the youkai as a sigh escaped pressed lips that signaled his annoyment. Patience being tested, Sesshomaru would wait no more for Inuyasha to rejoin him beneath the sheets; instead of growling, instead of getting up and dragging the boy back into bed, Sesshomaru reeled onto his back and turned over drawing the sheet beneath his chin.

A flicker of anger sat within an azure gaze as fluffed ears nested back into ebony mane; Inuyasha had felt genuinely hurt by such action taken by Sesshomaru, having expected to be literally swept off his feet. But, knights would only slay dragons and ride into the sunsets upon magnificent steeds for so long. Shoulders slouched in defeat as the hanyou harbored for the bed with a lethargic gait, feeling like a heel over the situation. Bending his body to mold that of his brother, Inuyasha nudged his nose into a shoulder as if offering an apologetic gesture. Sesshomaru was about as easy to read as chicken-scratch; sure he adorned an emotionless, stoic visod, but Inuyasha knew better, knew him better. A frown, the twitch of a brow...all with intricate meanings. Frustrated, the hanyou buried his face into the silvery mane and snuggled close into Sesshomaru with a leg and an arm draped over his new lover.

"Nothing will be enough for the ones who keep stumbling in the garden of the withering trust without the courage to leave..."

Guilt. Guilt began to course through Sesshomaru as Inuyasha's body fashioned to his own. This "trying to form a relationship" ordeal was a delicate situation and one the youkai could not afford to risk by any means. He didn't want his brother to feel like he was using him for sex and that he was a whore to be discarded once used, he didn't want him to feel obligated into any relationship -whatever that may be-, he didn't want to do anything that may result in Inuyasha returning to that thing he called "a life" before now. Achieving balance between the heart and mind was confusing, difficult, and far too demanding - there would always be insecurities and the clash between mind, heart, and soul. Shrugging the leg and arm away, Sesshomaru pivoted to face his sibling. Inuyasha looked sad, the kind of sad that shattered the youkai's world. Dissatisfied with himself, Sesshomaru stiffled a groan as he drew Inuyasha into an endearing embrace.

"I knew ya'd give in, ya bastard."

"So self-assured..."

"Well, I did have an excellent sensei."

"You can be such a child, my Inuyasha."

Pleased at having his way, Inuyasha titled his head and gave a gentle lick to the underside of Sesshomaru's chin before snuggling into the embrace. Feelings were the same from both parties' perspective; Inuyasha forced himself to restrain throwing a tantrum or doing something that may cause his sibling to turn from him once more. Dread crashed over any rational thinking for the most part, a fear of Sesshomaru turning into that volatile beast from decades past. There had been the emotional abuse by insecurity, the hunger for heroine, a desire for self-mutilation, and it was shriveling the last ounce of self-control Inuyasha possessed. Nothing would tear Sesshomaru from him.

"I'd take my life for your kiss and lose it all to take you across the abyss..."