Passion

A/N: Back from hiatus! See, I updated. I haven’t abandoned this story. I was merely involved with passing my exams. But now that they are over (and I did pass, BTW), I’m fully back at writing what I really want to write. Thanks to everybody who supported me during my exam time.

And thanks to all those wonderful people who left a review! I had planned on answering you all individually, but there are so many reviews that I’d need a whole chapter to answer them all! So, I shall only say THANK YOU for reviewing!

However, there are some I simply must address:

DragonSpite : Very perceptive! I’m glad someone caught that little hint about the child. ^-^

IggyLovechild : Oh, you can be sure Sess knew what was coming!!

LtSonya : No, she was sick from the poison at first, but the lasting sickness is from the baby. And don’t worry, the little one is fine. Btw, did I tell you before how much I love your reviews?

Demon Slayer Kai : If Kagome’s age bothers you so much, I’ll let this out to soothe you: actual age means very little in a society of beings that are not as influenced by time as humans usually are. Demons, for example. And their mates. And I’m not going to say more!

Angelfighter : THANKS for that wonderful, long review! I thought it was very entertaining, because some of your remarks were so dead on. You are (as far as I remember) the first one to ever mention how much Sess’s pride can get in his way … congrats on that. ^-^

Rhiannonofthemoon : ^-^ I also liked the idea of the secret relationship. See, that’s why I love your story.

Metis : More about why Sesshomaru couldn’t smell that she’s pregnant in chapter 15.

Shauna : You’ll find out somewhere along the way what it was exactly that Sess wanted. But if you keep “power” in mind and read this chapter closely, you might find out what it was.

Tanesha : Thank you very much for your wonderful, long review. It has to be one of the longest I ever got. As far as your questions are concerned, they will be answered this chapter and next, I think. I really can’t tell you more, or I’d give too much away.

Also, many reviewers worried that during her illness, Kagome’s cover would be washed away. It wasn’t. Sango didn’t scrub her brow, but wiped it gently; and if you use water-proof makeup, you really need scrubbing to get it away. Or, of course, special demake-up. Believe me, if it had been wiped away, I would have mentioned it.

Okay, and now without further ado:

Chapter XIV – Know Where You Belong


Mrs Higurashi stood in the kitchen and prepared dinner. Her hands were deftly cleansing the vegetables she needed for oden, but her brow was creased and her eyes looked worried.

Something was wrong with her daughter, very wrong.

It was not Kagome’s sickness that worried Mrs Higurashi. Of course she was anxious for her daughter to get better. But the fact that Kagome was ill was not nearly as worrying as the girl’s behaviour. She refused to see a doctor and had taken to her room from where she had not emerged since then.

Mrs Higurashi’s frown deepened and she scrubbed the innocent carrots, unnecessarily rough.

It had been so obvious to her eyes that Kagome was ill when she had returned early this afternoon. She was incredibly pale and had dark shadows around her eyes. Her usual buoyancy was missing and not even the prospect of a visit to Keshima-san’s raised her spirits. Yet, Mrs Higurashi had refrained from showing her concern. She knew it would only make Kagome feel guilty.

Later, when she had returned home from shopping, she had found Kagome locked into the bathroom, audibly sick. This was more than simple exhaustion or a mild flu, and Mrs Higurashi had felt justified to show her concern now. But Kagome did not want to go to a doctor and she did not want to be pampered by her mother. She only lay down on her bed, a strange expression on her deathly pale face, and whispered she needed rest. No explanations; no desire to have her mother help her and make it better.

And that was what worried her mother most.

It was unusual for Kagome. Usually, when she was ill, she longed for her mother’s company and her special tea. But not this time. This time, she was cool, detached and calmly asked to be left alone.

Mrs Higurashi barely recognized her baby girl anymore. Who was that woman her daughter had become?

She had been aware of changes in the girl for some time. Maybe it was because she barely saw her daughter anymore; or maybe it was because she was her mother. Whatever the reason, she had seen that her daughter was changing rapidly.

Well, she had told herself, this had to be expected. Kagome was growing up, and her experiences in the past era surely sped up this progress. And yet, not all of her changes could be contributed to growing up.

Mrs Higurashi clearly remembered one day nearly three months ago. Kagome had come home from the past, a little tired and subdued, but this was nothing unusual. Normally, it meant that Kagome had argued with Inu Yasha again. What was new, however, was the guarded expression in her eyes. She had been hiding something. Mrs Higurashi believed that something had happened between her and Inu Yasha, something a little more intimate than Kagome wanted her mother to know. So, she had not asked, allowing her daughter to keep her secret.

Maybe this had been wrong? Mrs Higurashi absently began to peel the carrots. Should she have asked Kagome? Because now, in retrospective, she saw that her daughter’s changes had begun afterwards.

She was less chatty and always kept something back in her narrations. She was absentminded, often stared into space while a tiny smile curled her lips, and more often than not she was moody. And then there had been that short week a month ago when Kagome had been acting very odd.

This had been the first time that a little worry had crept into Mrs Higurashi’s heart. The signs had been so very clear to her: her daughter was in love with someone who combined the aspects of dog and demon and wore a white kimono. But didn’t Inu Yasha always wear red? Who was that man, then? She had asked Kagome if she wanted to talk about it, but the girl had refused to tell her anything.

Mrs Higurashi shook her head. Why had she not been more insistent? She had decided that her daughter was old enough to deal with her own affairs, at least those of the heart. But maybe she could have given her daughter some advice?

Yet, she had left Kagome alone, and now her girl was changed beyond recognition. How could that have happened in so short a time? And above all, why did it happen? What had turned her lively, open girl into this polite, cool woman?

But it was not only her demeanour that had changed, Mrs Higurashi thought; in front of her eyes that gazed sightlessly at her working fingers her she saw her daughter’s darkened room and the motionless figure on the bed. Kagome even looked different!

She could not pinpoint the exact moment when she had noticed these changes for the first time. It had happened gradually, and this too she had first put down as growing up. But although a growth spurt and a more womanly shape could be contributed to growing up, the change in Kagome’s features could not.

Mrs Higurashi was still not sure whether what she thought to see was real or not. Her eyes told her that it was, but her mind insisted that it could not be. Nothing rational could explain the changes. No one in the family ever had such a slender face or such high cheekbones, so they could not be explained with family genes. Neither did she know who could have taught Kagome to move with such grace and ease, or what exactly had put that look into her daughter’s eyes.

A slight shiver ran down the woman’s spine as she recalled her daughter’s deep blue eyes. They had always been open and smiling; a window to Kagome’s soul. Now, they were guarded, still soft but cooler. And there was a glow in their depths that deeply disturbed Mrs Higurashi.

She had told herself that this was an outward sign of Kagome’s miko powers, but it was very hard to keep herself convinced. The glow spoke of something much more powerful, something so very alien . Mrs Higurashi thought that this must be like the expression in the eyes of a god; and it scared her to think of what – or who - her daughter was becoming.

The slamming of a door jerked her from her thoughts, and she looked up to see her son standing in the kitchen door. He carried a football under his arm and his trousers were dirty. He grinned broadly.

“I’m back!”

Mrs Higurashi smiled fondly at him as he bounced over to her and peered into the bowl that was standing in front of her.

“What’s for dinner?”

“Oden.”

Souta grinned approvingly. “Sis will be happy. Will it be soon? I’m huuuungry!”

Mrs Higurashi cast him a stern glance. “Dinner will be ready as soon as you have washed your hands and changed your clothes. And Souta, please put your trousers into the laundry basket and not into your closet!”

“But I want to wear them again tomorrow!” the boy wailed.

“Yes, my dear, and so you shall, but they will be clean. Now, go and do as I told you.”

Souta sighed and departed.

“And Souta!” his mother called him back. He looked at her over his shoulder. “Be quiet upstairs. Kagome doesn’t feel well and she’s lain down.”

“Is she ill?” Souta asked, concerned.

Mrs Higurashi smiled reassuringly. “I believe she will be better soon. But let her rest for now.”

Souta nodded and crept up the stairs as silent as possible.

Mrs Higurashi’s smile fell. ‘I only wish I really believed it.’


* ~ * ~ * ~ *


Kagome lay on her back and stared up at the dimly visible ceiling. Her room was dark and full of shadows; the only light was the glow from the city’s light that filtered through her drawn curtains. It flickered, brightened and dimmed and changed colour as the neon advertisements flashed their message out into the night.

There was no sound inside of the house. From very far away, the sound of the tireless city could be heard, yet even this was muffled. It was very late; and though Tokyo never slept it certainly slowed down in the wee hours of morning.

Kagome took no notice of the flashes of light and the curious shapes they created as they played over her furniture. She stared unblinkingly, unseeingly at the ceiling above her bed. She had been lying like this for hours: flat on her back, eyes open, her hands resting lightly on her stomach.

Once, she had got up and trodden down the stairs to have dinner with her family. But this was only a vague memory and not at all important to her. There was something far more important, and this was the only thing she was able to think of.

Pregnant. She was pregnant.

She carried Sesshomaru’s child.

After the first shock had died down, she had dragged herself into her room and plopped down onto her bed. Her mother had been hovering above her anxiously, but Kagome was too tired and too shocked to try and calm her. She had sent her away, yearning for peace and quiet to sort her thoughts out and to think of what to do now.

She did not know for how long she had been lying here and thinking. All she knew was that she still had no idea. She kept seeing the faces of her family and friends and shuddered at what their reaction would be. She had been through all this time and again, yet somehow she could not drag her mind away from it.

Mum will be disappointed. She trusted me and I … I got myself pregnant! At fifteen!! She’ll never trust me again! Oh, and Grandpa! He’ll die of mortification for having a hanyou as his first great-grandchild!

Kaede … oh, she will be disappointed as well! A miko, giving birth to a child that was sired by a demon. Sango … Shippo … Miroku … No, he’ll understand. He already knows, I think. If he can accept it, the others might as well. But Inu Yasha … oh, Inu Yasha …

At that point, her mind shut off. It refused to picture Inu Yasha’s violent reaction. Yet, the next perspective wasn’t much better.

Sesshomaru. What will he do? He has to have been aware that a child was the possible outcome of what we did. Did this mean then that he wants it? Or is he simply not interested? O gods, what shall I do??

And it was this question that reverberated in her head and troubled her heart until her mind turned a full circle and she began wondering again how her friends and family would react.

Throughout all her worrying, however, her hands rested in an almost protective gesture on her still flat stomach.

Some time later, a dog barking in a nearby street jerked her from her renewed worries over Inu Yasha’s reaction. At first she thought that her frantic thoughts had brought him here, and that the barking was just the animal’s reaction to the hanyou’s approach. But when nothing further happened she relaxed.

However, the circle had been broken, and Kagome’s mind felt oddly clear, clearer than it had for days. And suddenly Kagome noticed that all her thoughts in this matter concerned others. She thought of her family, her friends and her lover. Never of herself.

She blinked, and then frowned. She was always thinking of what the others would do in reaction to her news, and all her plans concerned the others. All at once she was annoyed. Now, this time, she would first think of herself! What was it she wanted?

Kagome bit her lip. So, she was pregnant. That could not be reversed. She could not go back and only forwards. But where would she go? A pregnancy was not the end of the world. There were methods of … terminating it.

Abortion. It was nothing extraordinary. Kagome knew that even today abortion was the rule and not the exception. Few women took contraceptive measures; they were expensive and the doctors did not like to prescribe them. But why should they if abortion was so easily accessible? Every woman’s hospital was prepared for this operation.

Kagome pressed her hands to her stomach. Did she want that? All problems like how to pay the doctor and how to conceal from everybody what she had done aside; did she want to abort her child?

A wild surge of protectiveness flashed through her, and her lips curled back to reveal teeth in an imitation of a snarl.

A little surprised at her fierce reaction Kagome forced herself to relax. No, she did not want to do it. It was murder, after all! And she of all people had always resented murder. She could not kill an innocent child. Never. And least of all her own. Her child! It was part of her! A tiny spark of life that was growing inside of her!

How could she ever have thought of abortion at all? This was her baby ! She wanted it. She wanted to carry it until it was old enough to be born. She wanted to feed it, and cuddle it, and protect it, and watch it grow. She wanted sleepless nights and worries and quarrels and dirty, torn clothes. She wanted this child. Her child. Sesshomaru’s child.

Her hands resumed their protective position over her stomach.

I’ll never give you away!

A wry grin followed that thought.

I suppose that rules out adoption as well.

Kagome shook her head. No, she would not give it away. She might only be fifteen, half a child herself and scared of motherhood, but she would not give her child away willingly.

Okay, now that this question is answered, what next?

Since she wanted to keep it, she had to tell her friends. There was no way around it anymore. She had to tell them the truth. Besides, she was not sure how long she could hide it anymore. Soon her belly had to begin to swell. And she’d rather tell Inu Yasha what was going on before this happened.

What’s more, I don’t think it will be okay for me to traipse across Japan, fighting demons and bandits alike, when I’m going to have a baby.

That was right, she realized. It would put her child in danger and she could not do this. She had to protect her baby! And this inevitably meant that she could no longer travel with her friends.

Damn! I can’t just up and leave them alone with their task! They need me to find the jewel shards! O great kami. What now?

She frowned, thinking hard, and tried to find a solution to this problem. But even her now clear and wonderfully working brain could not come up with a satisfying answer.

I can’t leave them alone. It was me who destroyed the jewel, and I have to help to gather the shards together and keep Naraku from completing the shikon no tama.

But what could she – should she do then? After some long, hard thinking Kagome decided wearily that she could not find an answer just now. Maybe if she thought about it longer … maybe her friends would know what to do …

A small laugh broke from her lips at that thought. Oh, how ironic! How could she ask her friends for a solution for this problem? But it would be worth asking just to see the faces! Kagome giggled, but suddenly stopped. Her eyes widened. Why not? Why not ask them? She had resolved to tell them after all. Why not ask for their help in sorting this out? Perhaps they could find a way to combine motherhood with her task of restoring the shikon no tama.

A cold shiver of dread ran down her spine. It all sounded so easy now, but she knew it would be hard; especially telling Inu Yasha the truth. She did not like to think that she would have to tell him she had lied to him these last three months. He would be livid, and he had every right to be furious with her.

And then, when Inu Yasha had calmed down and they had together found a solution to the baby problem, Kagome had to tell her family – and Sesshomaru. She was not sure which would be worse.

A tiny voice whispered to her that she ought to tell him first. He was, after all, the father as well as her mate. But Kagome ignored the voice. She wanted to have a plan ready when she faced him. She wanted to be able to assure him that everything was okay and that he did not have to bother with the problem or with the baby.

The voice whispered that as soon as he knew, every plan would be futile, since he would not let her go again. Kagome ignored this as well. The thought was tempting, yes, oh so very tempting! She felt all aglow inside at the mere imagination of being swept away by him and imperiously told that he would not allow her out of his sight again as she was his mate and mother of his heir.

Kagome allowed herself to revel in this little fantasy for a few minutes before she squashed it. It was a fantasy, nothing more. Reality was that she had to make her own decisions. And she had decided to tell her friends first. After all, they deserved being told the truth before everybody else!

Satisfied with her decision, Kagome turned to look at her alarm clock. Five o’clock. She glanced at her window. It was getting lighter outside, and the brilliant colours of the neon advertisements paled. Was it too early to go back to the past?

Kagome shifted. She felt suddenly restless. She wanted this to be over. It would not be pleasant, but waiting for something unpleasant was much more unpleasant than the actual event. Besides, if she waited too long, she’d be sick again, and after her morning bouts of nausea she was always too exhausted to do anything until midday. She neither wanted to wait that long nor discuss again with her mother over calling a doctor. No, she would go now.

She sat up and jumped out of her bed. For a moment, she stood motionless in the middle of her room and planned her further proceedings. Then she headed as silently as possible for the bathroom and the shower.

Fifteen minutes later, she sat in the kitchen, a towel wrapped around her head, and munched a dry piece of toast. She could not eat more; she was too nervous. When she had finished her frugal meal, she hurried back to her room and dressed. For some reason, she did not slip into her school uniform as usual, but chose a woollen skirt, a long-sleeved shirt and a cardigan against the early morning chill.

Her yellow backpack sat open and waiting on her desk, and without further thought Kagome packed it as she would for an ordinary stay in the past. Then she brushed her hair and was ready to go. A glance at her clock told her it was twenty to six.

She paused and frowned. If she left without telling her mother where she went, her mother would worry for her. But if she woke her mother, she would ask why Kagome wanted to go back and if she felt better and so on, and Kagome would have a lot of explaining to do.

With a sudden decision, Kagome sat down at her desk, pulled her notebook out of a pile of books, grabbed a pen and wrote a quick letter to her mother.

Dear mum,
Don’t worry if you find me gone. I’m back in the past. I need to talk to my friends about some very important matter. No, it can’t wait till I feel better. It’s very urgent.

Kagome stared thoughtfully at the words. Then, she continued, slowly, deliberately.

In case I don’t come back today or Inu Yasha shows up without me, there’s another letter in the first drawer of my desk. But, please, wait to read this until you are sure I don’t come back!
I love you.
Kagome.

She took a deep breath, flipped the page, and began to write another letter to her mother. This one took considerably longer, and when she finished her alarm clock pointed to quarter past six.

Kagome got up quickly and tore both pages out of the notebook. The first she folded and laid upon her pillow. The other she put into a hastily folded envelope and slipped it into the first drawer of her desk. Then, she hoisted her backpack on her shoulder and, with a last look, crept out of her room and down the stairs. She quickly put on her shoes, flung herself into an anorak, and left the house.

She practically sprinted across the court, darted into the well shed, and only stopped at the edge of the well, panting slightly. As she gazed down into the darkness, she hesitated for a moment.

Then she shoved these thoughts aside. She had thought about this long enough. She had come to a decision, and she would do what she had decided. So, she flung herself over the rim and into the past.


* ~ * ~ * ~ *


The bottom of the well on the other side was misty and damp. Kagome shivered in spite of her warm clothes. She gazed up at the grey square of sky she saw above her and sighed. No Inu Yasha this time. She had to climb out herself.

The vines that grew down the well were slimy and slippery, and the cold air soon made her fingers go numb. Kagome cursed very audibly, borrowing from Inu Yasha’s vocabulary, as she continued to slip back down. Once or twice she threatened to lose her balance and tumble back into the well. But with a lot of huffing and cursing she finally managed to drag herself out of it.

She sat down on the rim to catch her breath and warm her poor, frozen fingers. Sitting there and rubbing her hands, her eyes fell onto the trodden path that led to the village, and suddenly the situation hit her full force. Here she was and about to tell her friends the truth. The truth . The shiver that ran down her spine had nothing to do with the cold. Her heart trembled in her chest, her palms became sweaty and her stomach squirmed nervously. Her breath hitched in her throat as her earlier worries and fears caught up.

Now that the task lay immediately before her, she felt for sure that is was not a good idea. Why had she decided to come? Had she been mad? Maybe she was feverish?

Kagome laid a hand on her brow to check her temperature, but her hand was still so cold that even her cool cheeks felt warm. So, probably no fever. What then? What in the name of god had brought her here?

The baby. Yes. Her baby and her need to protect this small life. Right. There was no other way to protect it. She had to tell her friends.

“Planning,” Kagome told herself, “is much easier than actually doing it.”

She grimaced and took a deep breath to calm her madly beating heart. She pressed her hands together, tensed her muscles and then forced to relax them. Feeling slightly better, she was about to walk to the village when something bright caught her attention from the corner of her eyes.

She turned her head, curious to find out what it was, and then froze. A softly glowing, eel-shaped demon floated past her.

Shinidamachu.

Kikyo’s soul stealer.

Kagome followed the spirit’s progress with her eyes, and then stared for some time at the large top of the Goshinboku, which loomed above the other tree tops around it. There were more soul stealers. That meant that Kikyo was around.

Mechanically, Kagome started forwards. Without thinking, she slowly and carefully walked towards the god tree, always trying to remain hidden among the shadows of the forest.

She glided through the forest like a ghost, barely aware of what she was doing. When she reached the edge of the small clearing surrounding the god tree, she stopped. A graceful movement brought her closer to a tree trunk. Leaning against it, she peered cautiously around and into the clearing.

The scene was exactly what she had thought it would be. Soul stealers drifted through the Goshinboku’s branches; their faint glowing added an other-wordly touch to the scene. In front of the tree, among the huge roots, stood Kikyo, her back to the tree and facing Kagome. And there, in front of her, his back toward Kagome, was Inu Yasha.

They were silent, simply staring at each other, but it was clear from Kikyo’s expression and Inu Yasha’s stance that they had been arguing.

As if on cue, Inu Yasha said, “Let’s not argue, Kikyo. I don’t want to quarrel with you.”

His voice sounded pleading and a little sad.

Kikyo tossed her head back. “Neither do I, Inu Yasha,” she replied coolly. “This is not what I came for.”

“Not what you’ve come for? Why are you here at all, Kikyo?”

A bitter smile twisted Kikyo’s lips. “You don’t want me here, do you? You want me to go and leave you. You wish to never see me again, don’t you?”

Inu Yasha shook his head. “No!” He reached out and grabbed Kikyo’s hands. “No, that’s wrong!”

Kikyo laughed harshly. “Don’t pretend, Inu Yasha. You can barely stand my presence!”

Her voice was derisive, but Kagome clearly saw the wistful longing in her dead eyes. Whatever she said, Kikyo still loved him. Well, maybe not loved him, since she could not feel love anymore, but she wished Inu Yasha to love her.

Inu Yasha’s sudden move surprised both women. Her roughly pulled Kikyo against him, wrapped his arms tightly around her and buried his face in her hair. And though his voice was muffled, his words were very clear.

“Don’t talk rubbish, Kikyo,” he said hoarsely. “You know that’s not true!”

For a moment, Kikyo stood frozen, her eyes wide, reflecting the glow of her soul stealers. Then her lids closed, and her face quivered. With a sound that sounded very much like a sob, she threw her arms around Inu Yasha’s neck and pressed her face against his shoulder.

Inu Yasha pulled her closer and they remained motionless, tightly wrapped around each other, for a long time.

Kagome stepped back from her tree, turned and walked back the way she had come. She moved cautiously to not catch their attention. She headed back to the well, her steps sure, her face blank, and her eyes dry.

When she arrived at the well, she sat down on its wooden rim and folded her hands in her lap. She felt confused, happy and cheated at the same time. Wasn’t Inu Yasha supposed to want her as his mate? Hadn’t Sesshomaru told her that this was the reason for the hanyou’s heightened possessiveness? But he was with Kikyo now; and from the looks of what she had observed, she, Kagome, was as far from his mind as possible. She was left out again; the unwanted third. And though she did no longer love Inu Yasha as she used to, she supposed she was a little hurt.

She did not know how long she had been sitting there when, suddenly, she heard footsteps and the rustle of clothes. She looked up and blinked. In front of her stood Kikyo, bow in hand, her soul stealers floating above her head.

The two women looked at each other. Neither one blinked or looked away.

Finally, Kikyo broke the silence. “He won’t come.”

Kagome frowned. “Huh?”

“Inu Yasha,” Kikyo snapped impatiently. “He won’t come for you. He knows you are here, but he won’t come.”

Kagome nodded. “I didn’t expect him to come.”

Kikyo narrowed her eyes. “He will come with me. He will go with me to hell, and he will come willingly. And not even you can stop me from taking him with me!”

Kagome looked at the other miko, blinked, and suddenly saw clear. She gazed intently at Kikyo. “Do you really have to take him with you? You know he didn’t betray you. You know he loved you. Free him from his promise, Kikyo. Don’t force him to keep it.”

Kikyo’s smile was cold as ice. “So,” she said softly, “you don’t want him to go with me? I always knew you would try to win him for yourself. But he is mine. Mine!”

Kagome shook her head. “I don’t want him for myself, Kikyo. I only want to see him happy. And he would not be happy if he followed you to hell. In taking him with you, you would kill the tender feelings he still has for you. Do you want that? Do you want him to hate you?”

Kikyo started to retort but stopped. For a moment, she looked confused and vulnerable.

“Free him from his promise, Kikyo,” Kagome said gently. “Forgive yourself.”

Kikyo’s lips trembled and she visibly fought for self-control. In an attempt to appear unconcerned she said, “And what would it bring me to free him? What would it bring me to see him happy and alive and still having, as you put it, tender feelings for me? It won’t bring me back to life! What would it bring me!?”

“Peace.”

This simple word struck Kikyo as if she had been beaten. She stepped back and leaned on her bow to regain her footing. Kagome watched, silently, and her heart ached for the other miko. She hoped she had got to Kikyo and made her see. Anyway, it would not do good to dwell upon this. Therefore, Kagome changed the topic.

“Kikyo,” she said quietly, not wanting to startle her. “Why did you come?”

Kikyo regained her self-control and looked at her reincarnation. “Do I have a reason to come to the village where I once lived?”

“Yes,” replied Kagome simply. “You never come close to Inu Yasha if you can help it.”

“Very observant.” Kikyo’s voice was cool. She gazed intently at Kagome, and continued slowly. “And yet, I have come to see Inu Yasha.”

Kagome blushed softly. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

She met Kikyo’s astonished eyes and raised her brows questioningly.

Kikyo hesitated. “And you take that so calmly?” she asked, sounding astonished. “You were so devastated last time …”

Kagome tilted her head and cast Kikyo a searching glance. “So, you knew I was there? Last time? Tonight?”

“Of course I did. Other than you, I can feel the powers of other miko when they are close to me. Besides, you still carry my soul.”

“My soul, Kikyo, not yours,” Kagome corrected gently.

Kikyo narrowed her eyes. “What is wrong with you?”

“Eh? Nothing’s wrong!”

“Yes. Something is wrong. No, not wrong.” Kikyo stepped closer. “Changed. You are changed.”

Kagome considered this and nodded. “Yes, I suppose I am.”

Kikyo nodded slowly. She kept looking at Kagome, but her eyes no longer held the disdain that had shone in them earlier. Kagome simply looked back. Time seemed to stop as an understanding passed between the two women. Kikyo looked away first. A spasm crossed her face, and her eyes darkened again. She stepped back.

Kagome wrinkled her brow, curious, but suddenly her mind caught up with their conversation and she exclaimed, “So the rumour is true? About Naraku gathering the last missing shards?”

Kikyo nodded.

“Are you sure? How do you know?”

“I keep my ears and eyes open, and yes, I am sure.”

Kagome sighed. “So it’s going to be more difficult from now on,” she said quietly, half to herself.

Kikyo answered nevertheless. “It was always difficult.”

“But now more than ever.” Kagome wrapped her arms around her body. This was not good. What about her baby? Naraku was now more powerful than ever. Could she still protect her baby? A thought occurred to her and she raised her head.

“Why don’t you join us, Kikyo?”

The other miko started. Her head whipped around and she stared at Kagome.

“What?”

“Why don’t you join us? Together, we’d be much stronger, you know. And I’m sure nobody would mind.” This sounded a little harsh, so she hurried to point out, “Inu Yasha would be happy.”

“Join you,” Kikyo repeated, still astonished.

“Yes.” Kagome nodded and then smiled brilliantly. “You know, I’m not much of a miko. It would be a huge help if you would come with us.”

Kikyo laughed harshly, then turned and walked away. “I will never help you.”

“Huh?” Kagome blinked. “But, Kikyo … why not? I know we’ve never been friends but … why can’t we try?”

Kikyo looked over her shoulder. There was a light in her eyes that sent a shiver down Kagome’s spine.

“I will never be your friend,” Kikyo hissed. “I despise you!”

Kagome flinched at the force of emotions in Kikyo’s voice.

The other miko turned her profile to Kagome and stared straight into the forest. Kagome blinked and looked that way as well. Did Kikyo see something there? She shook her head. No, there was no — Hang on. Was that a flash of white there?

Before she had time to think, Kikyo faced her again.

“I despise you,” she pressed through grit teeth. “I envy you. You have everything I ever wanted. You have a life free of restrictions before of you. You have Inu Yasha’s friendship and his trust. You experienced completeness, the meeting of two souls and their unity. I know you did. I can see it in your eyes. No, we will never be friends, and I will never help you!”

With these last words she turned and quickly walked away, leaving Kagome to stare after her in shock and surprise.

Kagome remained sitting on the well’s rim for a very long time. The sun sent its first rays across the forest, and she still did not move. She was deep in thought, mulling over every word Kikyo had said. She understood Kikyo and felt for her. If it had been in her power to help Kikyo … but it wasn’t. There was nothing she could do for her.

She harboured no angry feelings for Kikyo. Granted, Kikyo had practically spat at her, but she had also said she envied her, and Kagome understood only too well. She had once been in Kikyo’s position. She had once seen another woman getting everything she had wished for herself. How ironic that Kikyo had been that woman.

Kagome’s lips twisted into a half-smile.

Poor Kikyo; so bitter, so resentful. Of course she was jealous. Her own love had failed, she had died, and now she had been forced to see that her despised reincarnation, the one who had always been inferior to her, had found a love that was more than Kikyo ever had. A love that united two souls in perfect completeness. A love that had created a unity that could never be broken again.

Kagome shivered at the thought and hugged herself tightly. Yes, she had found that love, this all-consuming love. And yet, she was as far away from being with her beloved one as Kikyo was. Naraku had taken Kikyo’s love, her life in his desire for the jewel … Naraku – the jewel – the very things that held her, Kagome, now where she wa –

Her head snapped up, her eyes widened and she gasped softly as it hit her.

Naraku had gathered the last shards of the shikon no tama! Kikyo had corroborated the rumour – that meant it was true, not only another trap set by the evil hanyou. He had gathered the remaining shards! There were no more shards to go after! She had a handful, Koga had two, Kohaku one, and Naraku had the rest of them. No more shards to gather! Her special abilities were no longer needed! She was free!

Free! She was free to follow her heart! Free to go with Sesshomaru! Free to be with him, to finally end the horrible situation she had put everybody in. She would no longer feel so horribly torn. She would no longer feel guilty for lying to her friends and for hurting Sesshomaru. She would no longer hurt either party. She was free!

Kagome buried her head in her hands and burst into tears as the stress and tension of the past three months seeped out of her.

She felt weak and fragile, as if one loud word would shatter her into a million pieces like she had once shattered the shikon no tama. Her nerves trembled, her relaxing muscles ached, and her nervous stomach coiled and heaved. She felt very, very ill.

Yet, at the same time, she felt a great calmness fill her. Her heart was peaceful. For the first time in a month she felt at ease. She no longer fretted; even the harrowing yearning she had at all times felt for her mate lessened. Slowly, Kagome regained her peace of mind.

At long last, she raised her head and took a deep breath. She felt as if she had been re-born.

Heart and mind calm now, she thought over her situation. The shards were all gathered, true, and her special abilities were no longer needed. But Naraku had not yet been defeated. On the other hand, would she really be useful in fighting the evil hanyou? As she told Kikyo earlier, she was not much of a miko. Most of her reactions were instinctive and she had no real control over her powers. Not like Kikyo …

Kagome narrowed her eyes as a sudden thought occurred to her. Kikyo … she could help. Yes, she had made it obvious that she did not want to help Kagome. But would she be as much reluctant to help Inu Yasha? If she, Kagome, was out of the way? Probably not. And that was it! It fit all so very nicely together. Kikyo was a trained miko and far more able to fight Naraku than Kagome. Kagome could not have defeated Naraku. Kikyo could. If Kagome was not there, Kikyo would help Inu Yasha, and together they would conquer Naraku.

Of course, Kagome thought, she had promised Inu Yasha to stay with him as long as he needed her, and he repeatedly pointed out that she was needed until Naraku was dead. Well, he had of course never considered replacing her with Kikyo, had he? At least not seriously. Would she still be needed when Kikyo was there? No, most probably not.

And did Inu Yasha really still need her? He had friends now; Sango, Miroku, Kaede, Shippo, and sometimes even Koga. He had a family. Did he still need her? Kagome frowned. Maybe he did; but could she still be there for him? Would not her commitment with Sesshomaru – her having Sesshomaru’s baby - hurt Inu Yasha far more than her presence could help him? Would she not help Inu Yasha more by leaving him? It sounded so callous and egoistical, but she was convinced she was right. The best service she could render him was to leave him.

She felt wretched at the thought of doing this to Inu Yasha, her dear friend. But there was someone dearer to her heart and she knew she had to choose between them. It was no question what her decision would be. She knew now where she belonged.

It was not perfect and she could not do it without regrets, but this was her chance. Her chance, and she would take it. Kagome decidedly raised her chin. No more letting others control her life! She could make her own decisions and she would. Her part in the quest was over. She was free.

Did Kikyo know …? She said “a life free of restrictions”. Did she known? But how could she when nobody else did?

Kagome frowned again but then shook her head. She could trouble herself later with these questions. Now she had to decide what to do next. The situation had changed. She was not longer bound to her quest and therefore had no longer worry how to combine this with motherhood. So, she didn’t need to tell her friends, did she?

Kagome wrinkled her nose. Yes, she decided, she had to. But second. The first one to know was Sesshomaru.

Her hands twitched in her lap as a sudden wave of nervousness mixed with apprehension flooded her. What would he say? He would undoubtedly be pleased when she told him she was free to go with him. But about the child … What would he say? And unlike her earlier plan, where she told him after having set up an alternative, she now had no idea what to do with her child if he didn’t want it. She would not give it away! How would he react …?

Well, there was only one way to find out. Resolved, Kagome sat up and took several deep, calming breaths. She folded her hands in her lap and told her fluttering heart to stop.

But the stupid thing refused to stop its mad dance. It whispered to her that she would see her beloved one again and that she would go with him – and her body promptly reacted to the thought. Her breathing hitched and her body felt as if it had spontaneously incinerated. She burnt with need and longing, and her stupid heart bounded joyously somewhere in her throat.

With a wry grin, Kagome began to force herself to cool down. She could not talk to him while in this condition. She would jump him as soon as she saw him … which sounds like an absolutely lovely idea. O gods, I’m so doomed. I’ll never again be able to utter a single word or think straight when I go with him. Oh, well, you always have to make some little sacrifices.

She laughed and shrugged. Now she was being stupid. Come on, girl she rallied herself. You’ve been through worse. Like that math test last month …

Kagome grimaced and tried once more to calm herself. After what felt like five minutes of deep, calm breathing she was ready. Or as ready as she could be. She felt incredibly nervous and fidgety, but at least she was sure she would not jump him as soon as she saw him. She closed her eyes, trying to collect her thoughts.

“Sesshomaru,” she said softly. “I know you are around somewhere. Please, I need to talk to you.”

There was a shift in the air around her, and when she opened her eyes he was standing in front of her, regarding her with a questioning expression in his eyes. Kagome began to shiver, her folded hands clenched. She was not sure whether her rapid pulse was from desire of from fear. Seeing him so near seemed to make the situation all the more real and dangerous.

When she remained silent, he prompted, “You wanted to talk to me.”

Kagome nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on his. “Yes. I – I wanted to tell you something … something important.”

He tilted his head. Kagome looked down into her lap. “I don’t know where to start,” she whispered. “And … it’s not easy to say.”

She peered up at him through her lashes and saw him frown. She gulped. “Um … I – I really hope you won’t be angry … and I didn’t do it on purpose. No, that’s stupid, of course not, but I could have stopped it from happening, only I didn’t think of it, I mean, I am only fifteen, after all, and it’s not usual and my mother would have asked why I wanted it and I really, really couldn’t have told her, she’d gone berserk and –”

Her nervous babbling was cut off by a long, slender finger that lay on her lips. Then, two fingers pushed her chin up, and she gazed into Sesshomaru’s eyes. They were glittering oddly.

“Your point being?” he asked softly.

Kagome blinked and tried to lick her lips, but her tongue wrapped around the finger that was still on her lips, and for a moment neither seemed to remember that they had been trying to talk about something as they gazed into each other’s eyes. Sesshomaru finally broke the spell by stepping back. Kagome felt suddenly lost and cold. She hugged herself tightly and stared at the tips of her shoes.

“My p-point being …” she said hoarsely, closing her eyes, “I’m pregnant.”

When no immediate, furious reaction came, she exhaled deeply and relaxed. But the seconds went by, and there was still no reaction from him. Kagome became nervous. Why didn’t he say something? She looked up and wished she hadn’t.

He was staring at her with an undecipherable expression in his eyes. They were glowing and darker than usual, and though she had seen that look in them before, there was something behind the glowing, something even deeper and darker, something wild that scared her. She had learned to read his mood by his minimal body language and even smaller changes in his expression, but this was something she had never seen and therefore could not explain. She supposed it was fury, though, and lowered her gaze.

Her shoulders sagged. Well, what had she expected? And she had just told him that there had been a way to prevent her from becoming pregnant. She had admitted that it was her own fault because of her thoughtlessness. Great. He’s going to kill me.

A hissing sound made her jump in surprise, and the next second her chin was forced up again until her eyes met his. They were glowing even brighter now.

“Pregnant?” he repeated.

Kagome gave a short nod and cringed as his eyes flashed. “There are ways … in my time … to … end a pregnancy,” she mumbled and looked away, mentally kicking herself for mentioning this at all. She did not want to abort the child, but he looked so scary that her mouth had taken over and thrown the possibility at him before he could decide to end the problem in a different manner.

The fingers on her chin tightened painfully. “Ways to end a pregnancy?”

Kagome wished she were somewhere else. His voice was so cold and … void of any emotions. She was now really, really scared.

“Yes,” she whispered. Behind her tightly shut lids, tears gathered. Her lips felt oddly stiff and she had to force them form the words. “It’s called abortion and … well, they … remove the child from the womb.”

She had a split second to wonder what he would think of this suggestion, and then strong fingers grabbed her throat and jerked her up. Her eyes flew open, and her hands came up to tug uselessly at his wrist, and she stared wildly into the burning eyes of a now definitely furious Sesshomaru.

“You are not going to kill my son,” he hissed viciously through clenched teeth.

Kagome’s eyes widened in surprise and for a moment she simply gaped at him. Then, she gave a soft, disagreeing sound and tried to shake her head. He snorted disdainfully and let got of her.

She stumbled back and sank down onto the well’s rim, one hand rubbing her abused throat. Her mind whirled with vague, indistinct thoughts. Only one stood out from the chaos.

I suppose that means he wants the child.

“You do not want him, then,” she heard him say. Something in the cold voice made her squirm, and she frantically shook her head, looking up to him.

“No,” she cried, gazing up at him, one hand half-raised towards him. “No, no, of course I want the child! I do! So much! I …” Her voice broke and she could only shake her head again.

He did not answer, but she felt his eyes on her. Then she heard him move as he sat down next to her. A strong finger hooked under her chin and lifted it up until she met his piercing gaze.

“Why then did you speak of killing him?”

“I … I thought that you didn’t want the child and that you were angry at me and …”

“Why would I not want the child?”

Kagome blinked. “Well, I’m human! The child will be a hanyou, and I know what you think of hanyous.”

He gazed intently into her eyes for a moment, and then sighed and pulled her tightly against him. Kagome contentedly buried her face in the soft, white pelt he wore on his shoulder and decided that life had to go on without her for a moment or two. She was exhausted and it felt so heavenly to be finally so close to him again. Vaguely, she was astonished that her earlier fear that he might kill her had vanished so entirely. Perhaps her doubts and fears had grown out of their too long separation.

Sesshomaru breathed a kiss on the tip of one ear. “Little fool,” he said hoarsely and his arm around her shoulders tightened. “If I had not wanted this child, I would have taken precautions.”

“Oh.” Kagome slipped her arms around his waist, and though it was not very comfortable because of his armour, she felt wonderful. “So, you really want the child?”

His fingers on her shoulder twitched. “You are my mate, Kagome.” Her name ghosting over the skin of her neck sent a pleasant shiver down her spine. “I want you. I want our son.”

“Could be a girl,” she mumbled into the pelt, a smile tugging at her lips.

“No, the child is a boy. My heir.”

At that, Kagome did raise her head and gazed into his eyes. “Your heir?” she asked, amazed. “Really? The child of a simple human your heir?”

He smiled slightly. “You are no simple human, my love.”

“Huh? You mean, because I’m a miko and travel time and had the jewel inside of my body? But I’m still human and the child will be a hanyou!”

“You are a miko and my lady.” He laid his hand on her still flat stomach. “He is a powerful combination of miko and demon. There is no one, neither human nor demon, who would dare disrespect him.”

“Oh …” Kagome digested the information.

He watched her face out of the corners of his eyes, but when she did not say anything, he relaxed minutely. His glance fell on his hand. Instinctively, he held her closer.

“So that is the reason you were so ill.”

Kagome, jerked from her thoughts, looked curiously up at him. “Huh? Didn’t you know?”

Sesshomaru shook his head. “No. I felt you were ill, but could not discover why. The poison from the scorpion’s attack had left your body within hours. You ought to have recovered. I wondered why you did not.”

He met her questioning eyes. “I knew your life was not in danger from this illness,” he said quietly.

“Oh.” So that was the reason why he had not come. He had known it would not prove fatal. And yet … “But you’ve stayed close, didn’t you? Why then didn’t you … I … I would have felt a lot better if you had been with me.”

“And I told you that you would have to come to me,” he replied calmly.

Kagome twitched slightly as she remembered she had not yet told him of the latest development. She was about to tell him, when he suddenly gripped her shoulder so tightly that she could not help to cried out softly in pain. “I will not allow you to continue your quest.”

Her knee-jerk reaction was to yell at him that he could not simply order her around, but then she remembered that there was no need. Her anger faded as quickly as it had come and was replaced by a soft, tender warmth. She smiled brightly and cupped his face in her hands and looked straight into his burning eyes.

“There is no longer a quest, Sesshomaru. There are no more shards to gather. My abilities at finding them are no longer needed.”

Her smile grew shaky as the heat in his eyes intensified. She could feel an answering heat deep inside of her body.

“I am no longer needed, Sesshomaru,” she whispered. “I am free … and that was the second thing I wanted to tell you. I know now where I belong. I belong to you. I … I will come to you – now.”

A deep breath, almost a sigh escaped him. He closed his eyes for a second; and then he kissed her. Kagome opened her lips to his and surrendered entirely to his fierce possession of her mouth.

His kiss was wild and hungry, almost brutal. He bruised her lips with his; his fangs pierced the tender skin and little droplets of blood seeped into their combined mouths. He growled deep in his chest as he tasted it. Kagome shivered lustfully at the sound and moulded her body against his as best as she could while he still wore his armour.

His hand slipped under her anorak. He tore impatiently at her cardigan and shirt until his fingers met bare, slowly heating skin. They both moaned softly at the contact.

Kagome lost herself in his touch. All fears, worries and doubts were forgotten as her body reacted. Desire swept through her in a wave of searing, liquid heat. She trembled from its force. She clung to him, dug her fingers into his shoulders and began to respond to his kiss with equal force.

Sharp claws scratched over her back, sending shivers down her spine. The tips of her breasts budded. Her body ached, but it was a good ache, a longing ache that she knew could be satisfied in a most delicious manner.

His fingertips brushed over her ribs, tickling her, and on to the valley between her breasts. He cupped one mound in his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, brushing the hard tip with his thumb.

She gave a strangled sound and ground her hips against his, wishing fervently for the stupid armour to be gone so that she could feel his hardness against her.

He groaned and tore his lips from her mouth and pressed them on her rapidly fluttering pulse. Kagome’s mewl of protest became a soft, languid moan as he nipped and licked her throat. His mark on her neck began to burn.

He pressed hot, wet kisses on her throat, trailing a path of kisses to the soft spot behind her ear. The collar of her anorak stopped his lips’ progress; with an impatient sound he pulled his hand out from under her clothes and tore it away. He tugged on the collars of her cardigan and shirt, tearing them, until he had laid open his mark.

Kagome, deprived of his lips, was tracing the shell of his ear with her tongue. When his fingers brushed over the burning mark, she whimpered. The skin had long since healed, but his touch inflamed her to a painful extent.

Without warning, he bit down on the mark, sinking his fangs deeply into her skin.

She threw her head back and screamed as wild, raw need exploded inside of her. Her senses shut down; the world faded. She was suspended in blinding blackness. Uncontrollable fire raged through her that originated in her neck and ended in her core.

Something touched her inside of the blackness. Heat engulfed her, drew her in, and seeped into her. It pulsed with her heartbeat, pulled on her, pulled into her. There was a second heartbeat.

Then there was suddenly one; one beat of two hearts.

And the darkness exploded into brilliant, dazzling light.

In the infinity of a second, she saw it; black and white, united in a circle of eternity and harmony. Two souls, two hearts, two halves of the circle. An overwhelming feeling of peace and joy filled her heart.

And then she was back, sitting on the well’s rim, her face pressed into the white pelt on Sesshomaru’s shoulder. She leaned heavily against him; her shaking hands clutched his kimono sleeves. His arm around her waist was trembling faintly. He had his face buried in her neck, and his hot breath fanned her skin.

“Wh-what happened?” she asked feebly.

“Mine,” he growled. “You are mine now, all mine, finally mine.”

She whimpered. Both his words and his fangs that brushed her skin as he spoke sent delicious tremors through her body.

“Yours,” she breathed. “Only yours. Forever.”

He bit gently into her neck, growling his approval.

With a tiny sob, she raised her head to press a kiss on his jaw. “Gods, I love you so much.”

That wrung another, even deeper growl from him and he pushed her back, leaning over her to claim her lips once more.

Obviously, I didn’t manage to include to Big Bang in this chapter. Kikyo got in the way. So, next chapter. Besides, I found such a nice title for it: An End and A New Beginning. I’ve already started it, but once more Sess is making things extremely difficult.


And for those of you who are waiting for Divine Concubine : I finished chapter 7 (out of 10) and will start updating soon.