You have brought this upon yourself

–Remembering someone doing or "saying something."–



------

Sesshomaru stared down at the raven-haired human sprawled in the puddle of starlight that streamed through the open shoji. It slept peacefully, as if it didn’t have a care surrounded by a forest of bamboo and pine brought into being by a talented hand.



The youkai had awoken at the unbearable hollow feeling pressing in at all sides. It was a feeling he hadn’t experienced since he’d brought his brother to the shoin-zukuri. He’d followed the strangely tainted scent of the hanyou into the room his brother claimed for his mural, shocked to discover the sleeping figure.



It couldn’t be his brother, but it most defiantly was. The yukata was in disarray, barely concealing the feeble flesh the washed out color of snow. It had never occurred to the youkai before that his brother was just as vulnerable as any other hanyou, having that one night where he was at his weakest.



He felt…odd to say the least. Despising human existence came easily to the youkai. It was something he’d been raised with. He’d thought it was normal. Rin helped breed a tolerance for the species, but it was odd to think that he had practically been mating with one this entire time. I seem to remember…



–The Kagome pest crouched and holding a Inuyasha with pitch hair and an expression of pure frustration.—



So he turns completely human. Sesshomaru felt an impulse to rub his eyes in weariness. I am starting to doubt my intelligence. How could I forget? I must be getting slow.



Now that I know when it is, I can send the hanyou away for the night so he does not cover this building with the human stench. Sesshomaru sighed, feeling slightly disgusted as he guessed that his brother had left his futon for that very reason. Very considerate of him, I did not know that he was capable of such thoughtfulness. Or mayhap he just did not wish me to discover him.



He turned and sighed quietly again; gaze rising and the sight of the centerpiece on the fusuma gave him pause. He reached out, gently clicking the fusuma closed to see the entire picture. His perfect night vision revealed it all, not dimming the colors from the splendor that would exist in the daylight.



The portrait spanned almost the entire four panels. Two inu youkai obviously in the middle of a courting dance. One crouched submissively beside the larger, nipping and nuzzling the other under the jaw; the dominant one overshadowing the smaller, head turned towards the other but eyes gazing out.



It was him in youkai form. The most realistic rendition he had ever encountered. Eyes the color of blood seemed to be locked on the older brother, direct and defiant. The fur was shadowed in blue, magenta, ivory, green, red and silver. The youkai was protective and gentle, but not easily distracted from his sentinel and seemed to caution those who would dare interfere.



The smaller youkai’s scarlet eyes were focused entirely on the superior, as if the youkai were the center of his existence. The shorter fur was spiked wildly, shaded with soft yellow, orange, red, green, magenta and grey. The chest pressed against the ground and rump lifted in the air to wave the arched tail gaily.



Colors from the scenery and each other were woven into the pair’s fur. It was an intimate moment caught on canvas and it plucked some chord within him he never knew existed. It was a mural that the youkai didn’t want to show to anyone. He wasn’t sure if it was possessiveness or the vague sense of embarrassment as if he were looking into someone’s private thoughts.



It does not take much of a stretch to see that he has depicted himself and me. The youkai thought, wondering at the hazy discomfort making his face flush.



The picture was damn near pornographic.



A rustling of cloth caught his attention and he turned, watching his brother sit up and look at him with coffee colored eyes. The dog-ears were gone, replaced with small, blunt shells. His stance was the same as that afternoon, though now Sesshomaru could identify it. It was a defensive, irresolute posture. Inuyasha was never insecure enough to give such evidence. He bluffed and bellowed to keep it hidden.



Now he seemed exposed and weak.



“I never did tell you that secret.” Inuyasha confessed gruffly, fidgeting slightly under his brother’s gaze.



“This is not the only secret?” The youkai asked, irritation at the new Inuyasha beginning to eat away at his patience. He wanted his hanyou back, not this shadow.



“No, I uh, never fucked Kagome or Sango.”



“You never…” His brother faded, thinking back to that night nearly a month ago. The hanyou hadn’t lied then and he wasn’t lying now.



“I never lied. I can’t believe you didn’t notice what I was doing. I never even answered you. I asked leading questions and made statements. I did get offers from both, but I turned them down.”



Sesshomaru felt…foolish in being deceived so easily. He could remember it now; see where the hanyou had purposely provoked him. Irritation ate away at him, berating his jealous streak that seemed to have developed where his brother was involved. It pissed him off that Inuyasha could so easily read and con him.



“Whatcha think of the mural?” The human interrupted, face becoming remote. His eyes became veiled by shadows, body shifting slightly as if to prepare for a blow.



“Very…revealing. I do not think I have ever encountered a depiction that implied so much.” Sesshomaru professed, eyes gliding over the painted forest that gave the room such a secluded feel.



“How long do you want me to stay, Maru-nii?” Inuyasha asked, sounded tired and defeated. His eyes strayed from the youkai’s, centering on the painting. “I can’t stay forever, you know.”



“Are you planning on leaving?” The very idea made the youkai shift his bearing to a more offensive stance. “You are in a yukata.”



“I’ll find some sort of clothing in a fucken’ village! You’re not the only clever one, bastard!”



“Why are you leaving?” Sesshomaru ignored the last comment, seeing it beneath him.



“Why should I stay? You keep me hidden up here like some dirty secret! Fuck, shithead! I got a life, too!” He slashed his arm through the air in emphasis, baring blunt teeth. “Give me one good reason on why I should stay!”



Sesshomaru quirked a brow, understanding the path his brother was taking. It was apparent after seeing the painting, the weak human body. His brother wanted a declaration of some kind, proof that the youkai prince shared a shred of the emotion that he illustrated.



“Are you waiting for me to proclaim my love for you? An undying affection that spans beyond race and family bonds?” The youkai scoffed, seeing the affirmative in the sudden hurt that seemed to crush the human. He hated being manipulated and it appeared that’s what Inuyasha had been working on doing just that. “I am a perfect youkai, not a human. What is love but a name lesser insects gave to a sentiment that they claim to feel for one another?”



“It’s not just that!” He protested, body shivering though there was no chill in the suddenly still air.



“Are you going to give me some dribble about seeing and accepting the faults? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?” Sesshomaru asked in a bored tone, inwardly fuming at the younger brother’s stubborn attitude. Why did he persist to cling to some ideal that the humans invented? Maybe it was the affliction from having to turn human once a month. Why did they need to proclaim anything? They’d been doing fine before.



“How can someone who claims to be so fucken’ perfect give the imply he has faults?” The hanyou rasped wispily, human features twisting. “It’s fucken’ wanting to please, the urge to be near the person, seeing and wanting them no matter how much an evil prick that person can be. It’s sharing everything; weaknesses, strengths, pain, pleasure, hopes, doubts, and fears! Love is something that has as many definitions as there are stars, bastard. It’s not the same for everyone and I’m starting to think its outta your damn reach.”



The human tilted his head, giving the youkai a loathing sneer.



“If it differs from one person to another, how can you know if what you feel is truly love? It sounds foolish and very defective reasoning. If one never felt love before, how would one know it was love and not lust?” The youkai was honestly curious, his irritation for the hanyou sifting away. His brother was enticing even in his hurt and fury, making it impossible for Sesshomaru to resist.



“I just fucken’ told you! It’s not just one feeling! It’s all of them! It’s knowing that you won’t be able to live comfortably without the person! What makes you so fucken’ perfect, Sesshomaru?!”



It was the first time his brother called him by his first name in an exceptionally long time. He kept his silence, eyes narrowed as he felt his own rage begin to bubble to the surface once more. He had a distinct suspicion he wouldn’t like what came from that mouth next.



“Is it your abilities?” The dark haired man paced around the youkai, who stood stalk still and phlegmatic, eyes hidden in the shadows of his bangs. “There’re a lot and so fucken’ impressive. You kill without much effort on your part. Super strength and speed and can even float like a pretty birdy. Daiyoukai, even! Creating your own katana and bending the world to your will! Intelligence far surpassing everyone else, but still your WEAKEST ability; immune to everything, including piteous human emotions as dirty as love or fondness.”



“You speak as if you know me so well, HUMAN.” Sesshomaru intoned, eyes focusing on the circling, furious boy.



“I know you better than you know yourself, prick. You see my weakness and fear your fucken’ own. You were alone, left behind by Rin so she could raise a family. Jaken chose HER over YOU. He probably made some sappy promise of returning when Rin no longer needed him. Why not force him to stay? Because you’re SICK. INFECTED with a tenderness towards the INFERIOR youkai.” The human trembled, teeth bare and his wrath palpable. “Loneliness can’t exist in something so FLAWLESS, oh, NO! But you seek out your lesser half, not worthy of note before, and decide to GRACE him with your attentions as an act of MERCY. SPARE ME.



“I fucked you like a BITCH and you LIKED it.” Inuyasha strode forward; turning his face up to stare into the shades of shadow, voice a harsh whisper. He was treading on thin ice and about to fall through. Would Sesshomaru kill him in a rage? Did the hanyou give two shits anymore? “Does it make you sick to realize that you have stooped so low to let something that was damn human turn that perfect, virgin ass into his own personal playground? I tore that shit up and made you call my name.”



“I seem to remember telling you to control that mouth of yours, human.” The youkai rumbled, hand darting out and wrapping around the human’s throat, lifting him effortlessly. “My intellect may be my weakness, but it is still quite higher than yours. Now, it sounds to me like you are trying to push me into doing something you would regret if you would live.”



The human opened and closed his mouth wordlessly, fingers digging uselessly into the wrist. His mind was a panicked blur, focused only on the aggressor’s cold gold eyes.



“Now, why would you go through so much trouble to make me angry? You know I am angry, do you not?” Sesshomaru shook the human roughly, satisfied with the slight rolling of eyes as an affirmative. “Good. Now, now, do not pass out quite yet. We have to delve into my psyche and discover if I truly am a lost cause to your ‘love’ that you seem to know so well.”



He dropped the human unceremoniously onto the tatami, watching him hack and gasp for air. The youkai watched dispassionately, though he felt anything but. His little brother’s words chipped at wounds he never noticed he had. If he accepted the words that Inuyasha had thrown in his face for truth…then he had to admit he always knew of the hanyou’s deep feelings for him.



Also, that he held similar feelings.



I had always suspected. Ever since that word slipped into my thoughts when I first brought Inuyasha here. I have never really faced and analyzed what would make me think such things. Oh, hell. How much trouble would I have saved myself by just telling him before? What is the point of denying it? Our attraction is so palpable; it is brainless to deny it. Why does he need me to say it?



– “How do you want me?” “Under me.”–



–Moist heat teasing the delicate curve of his ear, a voice thrumming against his flesh and causing shiver of pleasure to ripple along his body. “You feel so good…”—



Arousal flared in unison with the memories that sprang to life. The hanyou had asked, waited for admission through verbal or physical signs. He didn’t hold the same powers of the youkai to sense auras and the current states. It never occurred to the youkai that his brother didn’t have the same advantages of him.



He seemed to take a lot of things for granted.



Why had Inuyasha been so defensive when he first noticed me? The youkai wondered, watching the human struggle into a crouch and glare up at him. It seemed as though he already assumed that I had turned him away and I had not said a word. What is going through that fool’s head?



“Were you waiting for a reason to leave?” Sesshomaru asked, not moving as the human rose to his feet. “You appeared very sure of my reaction to your human body. Have you been planning this all along? Very melodramatic.”



“Are you saying you don’t care that I turn completely human?” Inuyasha challenged in a strained voice.



–“She doesn’t care what form I’m in!”—



Well, that clears up quite a few comments nicely. The taijiya saw him in every possible form…youkai, hanyou, human….Jealousy buzzed in his blood for a moment at the relationship they had already established before a physical one. Yet, she did not choose him either. She chooses another. To be accepted, but still denied must be…painful.



Sympathy welled inside for a moment, overpowering the envy. The hanyou was hurting in his own way, unable to trust. The choices behind him were unambiguous, but his actions could easily destroy them. First, he had to decide what he wanted.



–“I want you.” –



Sesshomaru cleared his throat, a flush creeping onto his cheeks. His mind kept straying back to that night in the bathhouse, giving a hint to where his own desires ran. The next problem was proving adoration for the hanyou without words. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the ‘love’ Inuyasha clung to with such zeal. It wasn’t as if the youkai had first hand proof…



–Rin cradled her swelling belly, dark eyes wide as they locked onto the warm spark of life incubating within her. “It’s like magic, Sesshomaru-sama. The baby kicks and moves…here…feel.”



She took a clawed hand and settled it against the bulging flesh. Something firm pounded against the flimsy barrier, as if the inhabitant wanted to establish contact. Rin giggled, turning her glowing face to the youkai.



“If you visited more often, you would have felt it sooner, Sesshomaru-sama. It feels wonderful, yes? I feel like I can take on anything now.” She stroked over the precious bundle still building within her.



“He makes you happy?” Sesshomaru asked, changing the subject by asking of the father. Rin nodded, eyes glued onto the human walking down the road towards them. He was still a long ways off and beyond Rin’s sight but not, apparently, from her senses.



“He compliments me and makes life incredible. Together we made this little miracle. We’re like you and Inuyasha-san.”



Sesshomaru didn’t answer, confused on her remark. He had only said that Inuyasha was staying with him, not anything beyond that. Not to mention they were both males and incapable of creating life between them. How could they compare to whatever Rin and her mate felt?



“You don’t understand? Hmm…” She looked mischievous for a moment, reminding him of the young girl he’d saved. “When you figure out what I mean, bring Inuyasha-san down to see me?"—



The little minx knew even before I did. It must be a human thing. If love is akin to the worship that Rin felt for her mate, than I can see Inuyasha’s point. He presents that devotion to me…but me for him? I have a great deal of solicitude where it comes to the hanyou…to where his affections lie. Is it the same? Is it the beginning?



Is it love?



No, he could never be sure. He would never be sure. Rin was the only true case of endearment that he had encountered. The youkai didn’t fraternize with the humans and certainly, never with other youkai more than needed. Youkai were capable of great levels of emotion, of that he knew. Anger, lust, passion, fear, hate, greed, jealousy.



Why not love?



His brother brushed past him, intent of leaving through the shoji. The youkai’s hand shot out and grabbed onto the bicep, bringing the human to a halt.



“What made you so sure I would turn you away because of your human form?” Sesshomaru demanded, staring down at the top of the dark head. “It is not the first time I have seen you like this.”



“Mouryoumaru…” Inuyasha grumbled, remembering the battle vaguely. “So, this means what? You don’t give a shit?”



“It is not as surprise. You are making more of this than need be. It seems as though you have more of a problem with your form then I.” Sesshomaru pointed out, becoming increasingly tired of trying to comfort his brother’s feeble ego. Action was needed. What could convince…?



He tugged the human into his chest, an arm slung around the chest to keep him in place. He bent over and whispered into the ear softly, “I would never allow a human to mount me…”



Inuyasha stiffened, feeling rage begin to grow within him.



“….but I would make an exception for you…”

------



Wow. I'm almost afraid it won't fit...Uhm...I didn't except so much positive feedback! I hope I receive the same for this chapter...



Demitria Miriam - Smut's on the way...



s_o_s - I don't know how to accept such a compliment...



ladytokyo - I got one out of you eventually! ^-^



MsDesperate & Nikkie23534 - Males are always out of depth when it comes to emotions. Sesshomaru isn't old...he's

experienced...and confused.



Minna-chan & midnightsweet - ....I hope I didn't let y'all down so far...^-^;;;