Virginity of the Soul

A/N: Again, thank you for all the nice reviews. I'm posting this in a rush because my night shift starts in like an hour. So yeah, I've been writing sleep deprived lately. If anything seems weird, you see names you haven't seen before and it's all wobbly-wibbley...just roll with it. Ahaha. All the other sess/kag stories should be updated tomorrow. Don't have time right now. Gotta run.

This was not beta. I'm sorry. I barely re-read it... because I work long hours and I'm tired.

Virginity of the Soul

Chapter 12: Acceptance

Her body was arched, his hands covered her body. His touch was like silk and she craved his smoothness. His tongue lapped at her neck and she tilted her head back even further. More, more. She sunk her teeth into her bottom lip, the feeling overwhelming her. She let her fingertips glide across his back, her nails gently scraping the skin, leaving his flesh red. She missed this. Why did she not give in earlier? Why did she keep fighting this?

This felt right.

She inhaled deeply and tangled her fingers in his hair. God she loved his hair. She loved everything he made her feel. "More," she begged.

And he listened.

He pressed his hard length against her wet core and she trembled beneath him. Why did he have to be such a tease? She wriggled herself, trying to force him inside of her. But, he knew her. He knew what she was going to do. He moved his hands down to her legs and held them down, open and spread. Her body heat rose and she licked her lips in anticipation. Almost there. Sweat beads were forming at the base of her neck and she shivered.

She wanted him to take her.

"Sesshomaru," she completely dug her nails into his skin.

"Patience," he whispered against her flesh. Her lips trembled and her toes curled.

She was mad at him, she hated him… that was not too long ago. Now, she was a puddle of mush in his arms. She would let him do anything to her. When did he invade her mind? When did he become part of her? He was an addiction and she did not know how she ever thought she could get rid of it. His touch was fire and she wanted to melt away. Screw everything. Screw morales. This was what she needed, this was what she craved. She needed to stop being ashamed of it. She needed to stop fighting it. There was no point. She always ended up in this situation regardless of how many times she tried to avoid him.

A gasp escaped her mouth when she felt his fingers brush against her clit. She was breathless as he inserted on digit inside of her. She clamped up around it and squeezed. She heard him laugh. It did not matter. She closed her eyes and let herself feel as he pumped yet another finger inside of her. The sensation was unbearable; he was teasing her. Was this punishment because she refused him? Because she ran out of his car? This was much more cruel. She wriggled her lower half, either trying to push him out or pull him in even more - she was not sure.

"Please."

"Again.

"Please."

After everything that happened, she should be the one ordering him around. He should not be the one in charge again and yet she went along with it. Stopping it would be too much, she could not do it.

He lowered his mouth, his nose buried in her curls before he dove into the depth of her warm cavern. His fingers kept moving inside, intertwining with his tongue. She was going to die. It had been so long since she had last felt something so intense. She felt the urge build up in her stomach, her legs quivering and her whole body was begging for more. If he denied her this, she would not survive. The wave kept increasing inside of her and the dam was close to breaking. She released the hold she had on his back and instead she fisted her hands around the blankets, pulling and tugging. Her foot was completely arched and she did not know what to do with her body.

His tongue flickered against her clit and she moaned loudly. No more, teasing, no more.

What she really wanted was to have him inside of her but she had a feeling she would come undone before that even happened.

"Come for me," he whispered.

He did not even need to ask.

Sesshomaru's mouth moved to her thigh, licking, teasing, grazing the flesh. She closed her legs around his head, unable to keep them down any longer. She forced his face close to her, leaving him no choice but to continue his ministrations. And he did. He revelled in her, he licked every parcel of her skin, he set her whole body on fire. One more touch, one more lick and she would be done for. He pumped his fingers even faster, twisting them, curling them inside of her. He was ready to send her over the edge. And it was exactly what he did.

She felt the wave hit her full force and she broke down.

"Sesshomaru!"

The scream of pleasure that left her lips felt unreal.

And she realized it was as she sat up in her bed. Her empty bed. Her empty wet bed. She was completely breathless, her arms resting and her sides. Her cheeks were red, her chest was heaving and she felt moist and sticky. As the reality of things came shattering upon her, she became even more red; this time out of embarrassment. It was all a dream. Oh god. Did she yell that in her dream or in real life?

Oh god.

Her lips trembled as she tried to reach for her night stand table. She used to it balance herself as she stood up. Her leg were ready to give up on her. How could that orgasm had felt so real? It was a dream. Dream should not bring forward that kind of feeling. When was the last time something rocked her world like that? Oh right. Sesshomaru; months ago. Nobody ever made her feel that way he did. Damn it all to hell. She cursed under her breath a few times before steadying herself. Once she felt back in control she grabbed a towel and marched in her bathroom.

She needed a shower. Oh and her sheets needed to wash. Could this get anymore embarrassing?

Kagome stepped into the shower and then turned it on. She let the hot water hit her skin and she closed her eyes. She never had dreams like that before; her body was trying to tell her something. That, or it was frustrated with her since she ran out of Sesshomaru's car. It was ridiculous; she was a good girl, one who enjoyed commitment and serious relationships. Yet, every time Sesshomaru proposed that she turned him down and ran out on him. What exactly was she so scared of? Was she scared that she might actually like the real Sesshomaru? He was quite pleasant when he was not being rude…

Ugh. How was she going to get herself out of this mess?

He messed up a few times, by yelling, by using the wrong words but now…he was doing everything right. The date, giving her space, opening up. What else did she want from him? He demonstrated he could be patient but for how long? And when was she going to make up her mind? AND since when did she have to make up her mind? It was always no. When did he charm her?

Kagome groaned in frustration before leaning into the shower's wall. He would love to see her right now and see how frustrated he made her.

She finally settled on something; there was no room for someone new in her life right now. At least, not until she fixed all the broken pieces. The first one was Inuyasha. Ever since the divorce, she remained away from him. She did not talk to him, she did not see him. She was about to have his brother's baby. The least they could do was smooth out their relationship. They would be family forever, even if she did not get together with Sesshomaru. It would be unhealthy to leave the relationship like that and they would have to face their problems eventually.

Now was better than later right?

Plus, she was sick and tired of feeling this way.

It was decided; today she was getting her life in order.

She already scratched Kanna off the list. Now it was Inuyasha's turn.

Then Sesshomaru's.

God.

-V-

Who knew a red wooden door could be so terrifying?

It was the realization Kagome was making as she stared at it. At the moment, it was as though she did not belong there and perhaps she did not. Heck, she did not even call before showing up. It might be a bad idea since the element of surprise would not be her friend but… Inuyasha might not even have been home if he knew she was coming. He had to be aware of the child she was carrying and she imagined his reaction was intense.

But he would not hurt her - at least not physically.

Kagome took a deep breath, gathering her courage before finally knocking on the door. The sound echoed through and she froze.

Now or never.

Silence surrounded her until she finally heard some footsteps. Then, it came; the door opened. However, the face she found on the other side was not the one she expected; it was Inutaisho. It was better than Izayoi. No way she could look at her. Not ever.

Surprise was obvious in his face while he looked down at her. He quickly recovered and cleared his throat. "Kagome. Hello."

He knew it was her just by her aura but he would not believe it. After all, what would Kagome be doing in front of his door? Why would she come to his house? He was forced to face the truth. She was that reckless. Nothing good could come from her presence.

"May I help you," he added when she remained silent.

"Hm, I, Hm, I'm here to see Inuyasha."

Obviously, yet he had hoped there was another reason behind her unexpected visit. "Is he expecting you?"

"No. I kinda figured he would leave if he knew I was coming."

He nodded. No, he would not. He would have waited. Because despite his anger, his broken heart and his loneliness, there was nothing Inuyasha wanted more than to see Kagome. Hence why this was a terrible idea.

"I am not certain you should come in."

But it was too late because Inuyasha already knew she was here. How could he not feel her when she was so close. It was a miracle he had not busted out and came running through the front door. Inutaisho had unchained him a while back but Inuyasha still stayed in his room. Out of anger or out of his guilt for what he had done to his mother - Inutaisho was not sure which one. Apparently solitude did his attitude some good. He seemed more grown up than before. Too bad it was too late for that.

"I know but we can't - there's the baby coming and… I have to talk to him." It sounded selfish and maybe it was but they both needed to move on and get their lives together. Without each other.

Inutaisho sighed before nodding. He moved out of the way and let her in. She quickly went inside and looked around. This place was like her home not too long ago; now she felt like a stranger and it was all her own fault. She probably would have to come back here in the future, with her child, and - she dreaded that moment. There was no going back to normalcy for any of them was there? Not after everything that happened.

Kagome's legs were shaking as she headed up the stairs. She knew the way to his bedroom; she followed that path many times when they were still dating and he was living here. God, sometimes she forgot just how long they were together. A long, emotional relationship that ended in a fiasco. And here she was almost reconsidering going back into that mess. Was she crazy? Then again, she could not lose faith right? Not because it did not work between her and Inuyasha that all couples were doomed. Inutaisho and Izayoi were happy…and Izayoi was Inutaisho's second wife.

Maybe people did not make the same mistakes the second time around. Perhaps they learned.

Once she reached Inuyasha's door, she felt like she was going to puke. Her guts were twisted, her hands were clammy and she kept licking her lips. She had to do this. He knew of her presence by her and he had no run away. Perhaps he wanted to talk to her as well. It was a good sign right?

Oh to hell with it; she knocked.

But he never replied.

She knocked again.

"Inuyasha, I know you're in there," she said, trying not to sound annoyed. If he wanted to avoid her, he should have left before she got there. It was a little too late now. If he stuck around that long he could at least open the door and hear her out. Was he not tired of living this way? She was.

"Please, let me in."

He never came to open the door but she felt a gush of wind from beneath the door and then she heard a click; he unlocked it for her. She took that as an invitation to come in. She timidly walked inside and found him leaning against the window, looking out; he did not want to see her face. They said unspeakable things to each other while they were hurting. He might have thrown the first stone but she was not innocent. Inuyasha and her were not meant to be. In the beginning, when she found out about his little adventures, she did not want to admit it but every day, it became clearer. They were never meant to be. This was for the best. Unfortunately, that did not make it hurt any less.

"How are you," she croaked out.

He scoffed but did not say anything. He did not even want to open his mouth; he was barely breathing. Ever since she walked in all he could smell was the shift in her scent. All he could smell was Sesshomaru. The child she was carrying inside of her reeked of his older brother. He did not want that scent; it was a reminder of all that happened. When he first learned of the pregnancy, he became enraged. He wanted to kill and destroy everything. It was so unfair. He had the perfect life with Kagome, they were supposed to get the happiness and the baby.

Instead his brother had it all and he was left with nothing. He hated him. He hated her. He spent the first few days hating on the world and breaking everything in sight. His blind rage even caused him to hurt his own mother - something he would always regret. He did not mind to - he simply could not see clearly at the time. All of this mess…he blamed it on her, he blamed it on his brother. He kept no blame for himself. It was not until the sixth night that he was locked up in here, chained and all by himself that he was forced to admit some of the truth.

He was left alone with nothing, no dreams, no love because of his own mistakes.

Maybe if he had been truthful… then he would have Kagome and the baby. Maybe he would have it all.

He remained angry at Kagome and Sesshomaru but now he also felt a lot of anger towards himself. Even though he was now free to be with whomever he wanted, he never talked to Kanna again. He had to turn that page and never look back. It was a mistake that cost him the most important thing in his life and he would not venture anywhere near Kanna again; she was poison.

Some days he hoped Kagome and him could put the pieces back together but now that he saw her pregnancy with his own two eyes, he knew there was no way they could come back from everything that happened. Even if they wanted to, even if they tried their hardest. They were broken beyond repair.

"How do you think I am?" he spatted back.

He did not really want to be rude but he could not help it. There was too much rage swirling inside of him.

"I'm sorry."

She could be angry, she could yell at him but she did not see the point. She wanted to mend their relationship, to move on. If they started pointing fingers again, they would never fix this. She had to be the adult. She had to hold back her tongue even if it was just for the sake of her child. She was tired of being angry and hurt all the time. She could not deal with all the stress pouring into her life. She had to learn how to let go or she would not survive any of it.

Silence filled the room for a while before Inuyasha spoke. "And you?"

"I feel like shit." She rarely cursed but the occasion called for it.

A part of him was glad but he felt bad he was glad. She was Kagome - his Kagome…even though they were divorced and she was carrying his brother's baby. She would always be his, his first love. Those feelings would never go away, even if he moved on.

"Have you seen him?"

"It's a little hard not to," she admitted. "It's his baby."

"It could have been mine."

"It's not." She sighed. "Have you seen Kanna?"

He shook his head.

Then perhaps he did not know what she did to her. She did not regret it. The bitch learned a lesson she would never forget and she would have to live with the consequences. The back-stabbing she could have eventually handled but the lying and the manipulation? No. That was way too much and Kagome was not that forgiving.

"I'm never gonna see her again."

It killed him that she would have to keep seeing Sesshomaru. Heck, he was going to have to see them together. And see their baby. Not now, he was not ready and he could not handle it. But one day, he would have to come around. He would have to watch his brother live his dream for him. It would not be easy. Then again, it was partly his fault so he had to live with that.

"Inuyasha, we - we both handled this wrong."

He should have ended it when he felt she could no longer understand him and she should have left him when she found out he cheated. Instead, they made a mess. "But, I can't… I can't have this. All this hatred, all this guilt and regret. I don't want to be stuck in the past. For my sake, for my baby's sake, I have to move on."

She remembered the way she yelled at him and all the rage and fire she felt that day. She could not let herself get that out of control again. He might have deserved it but it was beside the point. Today, she was there to be a responsible adult and to finally put it all behind her. To do that, she had to keep her calm.

"You don't have to say anything, you don't even have to listen if you don't want to." Although it would help. "I'm sorry that my actions hurt you. I'm sorry we went that far. I'm sorry that we can't really fix it and I'm sorry we're not together anymore. We have good times but we weren't right for each other. I'm sure one day you'll find someone who understands you completely."

She inhaled deeply and nodded. There, she said it. "I might hate what you did but I don't want you to be miserable forever."

Those were her last words to him as she walked out the door. There were things he wanted to say and add, but he never did. Instead, he let her walk out.

He did what he should have done the first time she tried to leave him. He should not have fought back.

He was giving her the ending she deserved after what he did to her.

-V-

The staring, the unsaid words; it was driving Sesshomaru crazy.

"What?" he finally snapped.

Ever since Sesshomaru had come into his office, his Father had not stop staring. At first, he thought it would be wiser to ignore him but now he was getting aggravated by it.

"Nothing. I am simply wondering if you are mature enough to be a father."

"What are you trying to imply?"

"Kagome is more mature than you are."

At first, he thought her visit would mean by news but ever since she came to his son, he calmed down. He even got out of his bedroom and it seemed like he no longer had the world on his shoulders. Perhaps Inuyasha and Sesshomaru should try to do the same. Under supervision of course. He did not want to force things but Kagome had the right idea; they could not have such a tense atmosphere, especially not when a baby was coming.

"Care to explain yourself, father?"

"She came to see Inuyasha."

Those were probably the last words he ever wanted to hear. After what he thought to be a lovely evening, she ran out of his car. She had not contacted him since. Two days. Two days had she had not said a word. Oh but apparently she had time to go see his little brother. That was absolutely fantastic. It was exactly what he needed to hear to have a good day.

"I see," was all he replied through grinding teeth.

Inutaisho tried not to smirk; his son was not even trying to hide his jealousy. Not that he had any right to feel that way; Kagome was a free woman.

"And? How does this concern me?"

"She gave them closure. She talked to him and moved on."

That was slightly more pleasing to hear. Although it could mean bad things for him. She might decided to clear him out of her life as well. Perhaps she wanted a completely fresh start that involved neither him or his brother. Or it could be a good thing. Maybe she wanted to organize her life. He was not stupid, just prideful. He knew she only just ended her years long relationship - or marriage as they liked to call it - to his brother and this might be quick. However, he knew it was right and so she should not concern herself with how quickly they were moving along.

His brother was never right for her but he was.

He only hoped that her running away from him two days ago was not a bad omen for things to come.

"I will not speak with him."

"You will have to one day."

"I am fairly convinced I could spend my whole life without talking to him." He rarely talked to him before. Actually, the whole mess with Kagome made him speak with brother more than he had in a long time. Conflicts actually brought them closer it would seem.

"You will have to deal with him during business hours."

"I can act professionally." Inuyasha probably could not.

"Is it with that attitude that you intend on swooning Kagome?"

Sesshomaru stopped moving.

"I have been able to smell her scent on you. And yours on her when she came over. I suppose you decided not to stay away from her."

"She has no objections."

"She wants to be around you?"

The last thing he wanted to do was share details of his relationship with Kagome. However, his father already saw more than one should. And he wanted to keep him off his back. "We came to an agreement and she approved. If she changes her mind, I will leave her be."

If she had not changed it already.

"As long as everyone is willing and it does not bring forth more trouble."

Inutaisho could see this whole situation taking a turn for the worst. He already warned both his sons and yet they both saw Kagome. Apparently he was unable to keep them apart. All he could hope for was that he could do some damage control once it was all over. He was tired of seeing his sons hurt and he did not enjoy seeing Kagome suffering either. They were too old to let things like that happen. Hopefully they would manage to figure it out before it was too late.

"It will not."

Unless she never called.

-V-

"Mr. Taisho?"

"Hn?"

"I'm leaving for the night, do you need anything before I go?"

"I am fine, Kagura."

She nodded before closing the door behind her, leaving him all alone in the office. He dropped the folder he was holding and ran his fingers through his hair. He spent the whole day eyeing his phone but it did not make it ring. He was starting to come to the conclusion that she was not going to call. He could not go after her again; it would be too embarrassing. His only option was… to let her go? He had to admit she was quite infuriating at the moment. He gave her everything she could have wanted and more and she still refused him.

There was no pleasing her and it enraged him.

In a moment of rage, he swept his phone off of his desk. Nobody ever made him this made before. Nothing was wrong with their evening; everything went according to plan. Why did she run out? Why had she not called? Not even to tell him to stay away. Nothing. She simply left him in the dust.

He heard the door open again.

"I told you Kagura, I do not need anything."

"Hey."

That was not his secretary.

As he raised his head and looked into Kagome's eyes, he did his best to look detached. She could not be bothered to call before unexpectedly dropping in. Did she not own a phone? Although, he supposed it was progress and it was much better than her ignoring him as she had done during the past few days.

"Is there something you need? My little brother is not here." He probably should not have said that.

Kagome glared at him for a moment. Was he being jealous? Did he really think she would go back to Inuyasha? Plus, how was it any of his business? At the moment they did not have any kind of relationship. Though - ugh why did he have to be an ass when she had something important to tell him? He just had to make everything difficult all the time.

"I came here to talk to you," she finally answered.

"I am listening."

She frowned; this was not how she wanted to do it. "Can we not talk while you're hiding behind your desk?"

"I am not hiding. I do not hide."

She did not either! Alright, it might have looked that way but it was not what she tried to do. Things were just so complicated; how did people expect her to figure it all out in a day?

"Please," she tried to ask nicely.

He did want to clarify things once and for all and she did not look like she was going to run away again. That was good. Exasperated, he stood up and walked over to her.

"What is it you need to discuss with me?"

"About the other night…"

"You ran away," he said, almost accusing her.

"I didn't, I was just -" She threw her hands in the air out of frustration. "You don't get it. Everything is so complicated in my life. First, you want something more - out of nowhere. Then you leave and Inuyasha and Kanna… then there was the baby. You were like a stranger to me. And I was with Inuyasha for a long time, I lost my best friend. The timing was not right for anything." The timing was never right. "But it doesn't matter that I didn't plan any of it. It still happened and none of it will ever go away." Some memories she wished she could forget, other things she was glad to keep, like her baby. "I don't know where any of this is going, Sesshomaru. I don't know what I want anymore."

"Is that all?"

"No, it's not all you ass."

Why did he have to be so frustrating? Why could he not see what she was trying to say? He always did enjoy making her squirm. Nonetheless, she would keep going with her speech.

"Sesshomaru, what I'm trying to tell you is…"

She pinched her lips and looked at him. He was just leaning there against his desk, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was waiting. Either waiting to be rejected again or waiting to reject her. She would have to take the plunge.

"I don't know what I want but I know - I know that we might be able to make this thing work. Somehow. It's crazy. I mean I'm saying out loud right now and I think I sound crazy. We are the last two people I ever pictured together. I mean even when we were sleeping together I didn't think we could be a couple. I knew we would never be one. And here I am just rambling and telling you how stupid and wrong it is and yet… every time I try to stay away…" He just touched her and she was hooked all over again. "I think you deserve a chance. And I don't know why because I shouldn't give anyone a chance. Not after what happened. And I'll probably freak out at some point and want to take it all back but… right now. I think we should do this. I don't know how since we've already slept together but…"

He wanted to speak, he wanted to force her to stop talking. She was rambling and he was missing half of what she was saying. He did get the important parts though. He assumed she was not saying yes to being his mate. At least not right away but for the first time since they started having sex she was considering him as something else than just a sex toy. If he listened to his instincts and his urges he would be laying her down on the desk and fucking her senseless. However, he did not want to seem desperate. For the first time, the ball was in his court.

Kagome smacked her hands together and waited. And waited.

And why the hell was he not saying anything? Was he not the one who asked her to mate him? He even asked her out on a date! Had she been right? Was he actually going to turn her down? Maybe out of revenge? It would be stupid right? He would not do that, he would not have put himself out there again if he was just going to refuse her. She tried to be courageous and took a step forward. She never really had to seduce anyone before. Inuyasha and her sort of happened. And he was the only man she ever had in her life. Well, until Sesshomaru.

He watched her come closer and decided to become more receptive by dropping his arms to his side.

"It might not work," she said as she stopped right in front of him. "And I'm not saying we should mate. But you really do deserve a chance."

And maybe she did too. She did not know how she was going to love or like Sesshomaru but it would be different than with Inuyasha. More intense? Maybe. This was supposed to be an adventure; there were so many things to discover.

Before she could lean forward he grabbed both of her hands and stopped her. "You will not run out on me again."

"I panicked," she truthfully admitted.

She did not want a relationship again, not so soon. It was terrifying when feelings and emotions snuck up on her. She never thought the date would go so well. Could he blame her?

"I should punish you for that." The tone of his voice changed, it was lower, huskier. And she shivered.

Was that his way of saying yes?

He moved her hands up and wrapped them around his neck. Then, he lowered his own to her ass and cupped it. He tilted his head forward and nibbled on her earlobe. "I do think I still remember your favorite punishment." As he squeezed her ass, she felt a puddle of warmth instantly form in her lower regions.

This, this was not the way she thought things would end up after her confession. They were supposed to take it slow and get to know e- oh ah! She involuntarily moaned when he slid his hand under her skirt and rubbed his fingertips against her clothed core. She buckled against his touch and the rest of her body froze. She was a puppet in his hands.

He was mostly doing it to tease her, to retrieve a bit of his pride she shattered along the way. He knew nobody could make her feel the way he did.

His digits skillfully sneaked their way past her underwear and without a warning, he pumped two of them inside of her. She clutched his shirt, her fingers digging into his sides. She clenched her toes, she bite her lips and she tried to squeeze around his fingers. He picked up his pace, her juices overflowing. God - she had not realized how much her body missed him. And after her small wet dream her body was extremely sensitive to his touch. She could feel the heat building up inside of her and she wriggled in his hold. A bit more, just a bit more.

She felt herself close to the brink of pleasure, mere seconds away from coming undone.

One more, one more.

But then, there was nothing but emptiness.

Kagome re-opened her eyes, a daze of confusion clouding her eyes. She looked at Sesshomaru's face and saw that he was smirking. He moved forward and licked her neck. "I look forward to our second date, Miss Higurashi."

And just like that, he left her hanging in the middle of his office, her panties drenched and completely unsatisfied.

When the door closed shut, her mouth hung open before she scoffed.

He was right. There were still many sides of him she needed to discover.

Although, he would have to pay for this. Oh how she would make him suffer, she thought with a smirk.

-V-