The Pain In My Heart

Pairing : Miroku/Inuyasha
Rating : PG-13
Warnings : disfiguration, mpreg
Summary : Inuyasha is unlucky enough to accidentally cross paths with Naraku while alone, Naraku beats him near to death and rapes him. Will Miroku be able to pick up the pieces of Inuyasha's shattered heart and make him whole?
A/N : This started as an exercise in trying to write a darkfic. It seems to have veered more towards angst, though. This chapter might not suit every taste, it can be left unread if one so wishes.

I also need to apologize. After I had finished this chapter I had trouble uploading it here and then i simply forgot all about it. There are no excuses for this. I am sorry and will try and get the next chapter up soonish to make up for this.*hugs all*

- - - -

Miroku was carrying Inuyasha into Kaede's hut, walking in quick, long strides. The others trailed behind him, equally worried by the hanyo's sudden collapse as he was.

They were questioning the monk, each other. Kagome was in hysterics, Kouga and Sango having to keep her upright and half carry her.

Sesshoumaru kept his stoic, cold mask on but it was cracking. He kept glancing at his brother.

“I should never have let him go off on his own like that,” Miroku reprimanded himself under his breath, laying worried glances on his beloveds face. The pale face didn't answer his unvoiced questions, nor allay the worry gnawing at him.

Sesshoumaru was striding side by side with the monk. “There's poison in his blood. Naraku's poison. I can smell it. Why hasn't it been removed? It's weakened him.”

“We have tried! It hides in his demon blood,“ Miroku answered, hurrying his steps.

“We all tried, even my knowledge of poisons didn't help,” Sango pitched in from by Kagome's side, “even Kagome's miko powers didn't help pure it or even lure it into his human blood so Miroku could have help purify it.”

There was s soft moan from Inuyasha and his eyelids fluttered, but did not open.

“He's bleeding...,” Sesshoumaru murmured in an undertone, his eyes growing grim.

“I know...,” said Miroku worriedly, feeling the dampness spread through the cloth and stain his sleeves. If Inuyasha was bleeding, then it could only mean one thing.

Miscarriage.

'Well good riddance, I say...Naraku's evil has already hurt Inuyasha enough for one lifetime.'

That thought, as it came into his head, disturbed Miroku but it was buried under his worry and all consuming fear for Inuyasha's life.

Not too soon they burst inside Kaede's hut where she was tending to some child's sprained ankle, lucky for them already binding it. She was just tying the knot when they burst in.

“Kaede-sama, he's bleeding!”

“Miroku?... Sesshoumaru- sama?”

The old miko quickly took stock of the situation and steered the mother and child toward the door, past the motley assembly.

“Go on, and keep your weight off that leg.” Kaede instructed the girl and her mother as they exited the hut.

“Place him down,” she said to the monk as she turned. She wasn't ruffled to see the hanyo's brother present, with the worry cracking through his stoic mask she could see that the youkai lord truly cared for his brother.

Miroku laid Inuyasha down gently, the girls were huddling on the entrance to the hut, Kouga winding his arms around Kagome's shoulders.

“Maybe we should leave..,” Kouga suggested. Kagome looked at him, it was clear she wanted to stay, but as she glanced at Sango the taijiya shook her head. And so they sat down to wait just outside the hut, Shippo and Kirara joining them.

The inside of the hut was in a frenzy.

“He's pregnant!” Miroku announced to the disbelieving old woman as the mother and child, and all of their friends were out of the door. Please, Buddha, let him get through this unscathed...

Kaede gasped softly, uttering an uncharacteristic exclamation under her breath. She was already examining Inuyasha, opening his robes. She extended a hand and unceremoniously stuffed a stack of linen bandages between his legs as soon as she gripped them from a near-by shelf.

Inuyasha sifted and stirred with a low moan escaping his lips. “Miroku?...”

“I'm here,” the monk squeezed his lovers hand, kissing the hanyo's clammy brow.

The hanyo grimaced as his insides twisted, his body giving in, too weak to protect the life he now knew he carried within him. 'No!', his thoughts raged as the meaning of the pain became clear to him.

“I'm losing the baby...,” he whispered, hand gripping the covers he lay on as pain wrecked through his body. He could practically sense the life inside of him fading by the second. His hand went over to his stomach, curling over it protectively, gripping the fabric of his loose shirt as pain shot through him.

Miroku flinched as Inuyasha spoke, he had not believed that his lover would choose to keep the child. Naraku's child. The hanyo sounded so panicked, so pained. As the realization hit him, Miroku wasn't able to conceal his reaction, or the slightest sliver of disgust marring his face for a fraction of a second.

His reaction wasn't missed by Sesshoumaru's alert eyes. Seeing as his brother had not seen the flinch he opted to speak out “The monk wishes you to lose the child, otoutou...” Sesshoumaru murmured quietly.

The next gasp coming from Inuyasha's throat wasn't that of physical pain but of mental. He sounded so dejected.

“No!” Miroku shouted out, trying desperately to search for words. He knew a wrong action now would set him back months in his relationship with Inuyasha, if the hanyo deigned to have any relationship with him any more should he let his disgust for Naraku and any child the bastard had fathered rule him.

The monk and youkai stared at each other over the hanyo's reclining form, challenging the other. “Inuyasha, I...,” the human stammered, cursing inwardly as he couldn't get words out quickly enough.

“It's my baby...,” Inuyasha choked out, his voice filled with tears, anguish and love.

Miroku kissed him softly and gently. “I know...,” he whispered, not completely believing his own words, but knowing it was something the other needed to hear. “I love you..”

Inuyasha gasped in pain and began a litany of “No, please”, under his breath as his insides rebelled. “Kaede... please,” there was raw need and inescapable sorrow lacing his voice as he pleaded the miko.

I can't lose the child, I won't!

Another wave of pain shot through Inuyasha and he grabbed Miroku's hand, squeezing it tightly enough to make the monk wince. He let go and felt Miroku's hand land over the one he kept over his abdomen, lacing their fingers, making him release his death grip on the fabric of his shirt.

Miroku squeezed Inuyasha's hand comfortingly, giving a tender kiss to his brow.

“What is taking your time, miko?” Sesshoumaru demanded as another painful gasp escaped Inuyasha's lips and he sought out to grip his brothers hand in a vice. All colour had long drained off his face, the ashen paleness unsettling. Kaede was busy by the fire, mixing herbs into a cup of hot water.

The old miko came to them and knelt by the hanyo's head.

“Drink this,” she ordered, lifting Inuyasha's head and helping him drink the hot liquid down. Inuyasha sputtered at the bad taste. “It should help,” Kaede said as changed the already crimson stained bandages stemming the blood coming from his nether regions. “But you may still lose the child,” she warned, having seen the look of hope in Inuyasha's face at her words.

“It'll be all right...,” Miroku whispered to his lover, trying to allay his fear. To give him hope, however much false it might prove out to be. He couldn't let his lover fall into that black pit of despair again. Not even if it meant that Inuyasha was carrying the child of the one who'd assaulted and broken him.

The old miko got up, sighing wearily. To her, it would be better should he be rid of the child. For what child of Naraku's would ever do any good?

Then she reprimanded herself, had not numerous examples shown to her that bad could be swayed, that evil didn't always reign fully in the hearts of different beings, that salvation could be earned. And what evil had this unborn child done to have to deserve being shunned before it had even seen the light of day? Not one of them should judge it simply by the way it had been conceived.

Miroku was suffering from the same kind of thoughts.

He shamed his first reaction at the mere thought of Inuyasha losing the child: relief. It had went against all he'd been taught. The child was blameless, it was the thought of it having been conceived through so much pain and humiliation that got to him, and that the other parent was Naraku. But it was part of Inuyasha. And he could, should not lay blame on the innocent.

And deny it as he might want to, losing the child whom he fought to keep could possibly destroy Inuyasha.

Miroku placed a tentative kiss on Inuyasha's brow under the watching eyes of Sesshoumaru and whispered “I'm sorry” into the hanyo's furred ear.

He received a weak smile in response.

'Please, let me keep the baby...'

Kaede finished tucking Inuyasha under a blanket, his bandages changed and the old one's on their way of being disposed of. She returned to her herbs and mixed another cocktail of medicine for the hanyo to drink. This time Miroku helped to lift Inuyasha's head, helping him down the medicine.

The old miko looked at the hanyo sadly, she could tell the hanyo was determined to keep the baby. His jaw was set and he was keeping his lips tightly shut to block out the cries of pain, not quite able to stop the quiet whimpers. Miroku was running his hands through his hair and Sesshoumaru was keeping his free hand in his, not even wincing his brother's steel grip.

She was striving to keep both, if not one alive. Nor even certain if Inuyasha would survive with his corroded health.

“I should have stopped you...,” Miroku whispered, gently running his fingers through his lover's hair, “I shouldn't have let you dash into the woods like that.”

“He exerted himself?” Kaede inquired.

Well that explained it, the strain had been too much for the hanyo's worn body and had resulted in this. She knew what she still had to say, but was reluctant. “Inuyasha,” she said calmly, “I've helped you all I can, but you do understand that it might not be enough? Your body is still too weak. It might not be enough...”

Inuyasha turned his head to the voice, silent tears streaming down from underneath the bandages over his eyes “Please, do what you can. I don't want to lose... the baby...” His voice drooped and unconsciousness claimed him.

“Inuyasha? Inuyasha?!” Miroku all but shook his lover, turning to Kaede in panic.

“Do not fret, houshi-sama. It's just the medicine I gave him. He needs much rest. I do hope I was in time and my care is enough.”

They all shared the grim thought: would Inuyasha survive this? And if he lost the baby, how would it affect him?

Miroku kept vigil on his lovers side, watching the subtle rise and fall of his chest, hand holding his hand and eyes occasionally settling on the hanyo's other hand splayed protectively over his stomach.

The others were let in under the watchful eyes of Sesshoumaru who had stayed, hovering on the edges of the hut, a constant presence.

Kagome sat next to them, looking at Miroku's worried face. “How is he?” she asked tentatively.

The monk choked back a sob.

And then the girls hands were around him as she hugged him.

“Oh Miroku...,”she whispered.

“Kaede said he might lose the child and that he... his health...,” but he couldn't go on.

“He might die,” Kaede said from where she was sitting on the other side of Inuyasha. She looked tired, old and worried. For her, the group of friends had become like the children she'd never had. And she had seen Inuyasha go through so much pain already.

None of them knew what to say. They could only hope.