Virginity of the Soul

A/N: You get a heart attack, you get a heart attack, everyone gets a heart attack. An update and it hasn't been a year. I wonder how long I can keep that up, aha.

Seriously though, thank you guys for the amazing reviews and support. I swear I'm doing my best.

This was not beta. I'm sorry. I barely re-read it... because I work long hours and I'm tired. 

Virginity of the Soul

Chapter 11: Dating (101)

Her pupils dilated, she took quick breaths and a tingle traveled through her fingers and toes as she looked into his eyes. Go out with me. He had to be insane. She was almost certain that this was as insane as him asking her to mate him. After this, he could not tell her it did not mean anything, that it was a mistake. Question was, would she make the same mistake as him? Could she truly agree to something so…so foolish? Her heart raced as she ran her tongue over her dry lips. He was waiting, waiting for her answer and she had none. 

She always said her interest in him was purely physical and that Sesshomaru did not have many redeeming qualities. Then again, everyone seemed convinced that she did not know anything about him. Were they right? Could this be worth it?

And why the fuck was he staying silent? 

Could he not push her or take away his words? Could he not force her to make a decision like he always had?

Would it be the worst thing in the world if she said yes? He was going to be in her life forever…this could be a way to fix thing, to have a real friendship sort of relationship with the father of her child. ….And it could be a way to answer all of the what if. 

"Okay," she breathed out.

He raised an eyebrow. He had to have heard her wrong. He asked because he had to asked and because every time she was around he was bewitched by her. He thought he would make a fool of himself again but apparently he was wrong. He did his best to keep a stoic mask but he was certain she could see the surprise in his face.

The sensual mood was gone, suffocated by her nervousness and his shock. Nonetheless, he bend down and whispered in her ear. "I will pick you up at six o'clock tomorrow night."

He did not ask if that was alright with her, he did not wait for her to confirm. Instead, he turned around and left his own office. Kagome was left behind, resting upon the desk because she was certain her legs were ready to give up on her. Her panties were damped, her heart was beating out of sync and her throat was dry. This had bad idea written all over it. She should not have agreed. And yet, there they were. 

She was actually going out on a date with Sesshomaru. 

She had lost her mind.

-V-

Nervousness.

It was not an emotion that Sesshomaru experienced often. Regardless, he was a wreck at the moment. It was a good thing that he was alone because he was probably seconds away from babbling. This was his one chance. He did not even know why he wanted a chance, but… he did. If tonight did not work out, there were no hopes for him and Kagome. He had one night to prove himself to her and he did not even know how to do that. He thought he showed her all that he had to show; devotion, love, and he opened up her eyes to their incredible sexual compatibility. What else did she want? 

Hopefully he would read the signs and show her why she should be his.

He pushed back his bangs with his fingers and finally got out of his car. How foolish would he look if she noticed he had been waiting there, trying to calm himself, for over ten minutes? Plus, being late would make a bad impression. 

He cleared his throat and marched toward her front door and knocked. As he expected, her mother was the one to open the door. 

"Mrs. Higurashi," he politely greeted.

"Sesshomaru."

She glanced into his eyes for a moment, searching for something. Then she offered him a small smile. "Kagome will be right with you."

Miyu moved out of the way to let him in and closed the door behind him. After that, an awkward silence settled in. He was not one for conversation and he had to admit that her mother's presence did not help. She had many reasons to hate him, especially since she only knew Kagome's version. He was convinced she did not approve of tonight's events. 

"I do not wish your daughter any harm."

"Then do not harm her," she simply replied.

Some of what was happening might be Miyu's fault. After all, she told her daughter she should get to know Sesshomaru. Unfortunately, her daughter had been a mess all day and Miyu wished she had never brought up the topic. Though, it could be good for them. They were stuck in limbo and they needed to figure out where they stood. She did not approve of the cheating, she did not like that her daughter's life was a mess but she did think that everything happened for a reason. Inuyasha and Kagome were not meant to be and Sesshomaru showed them that. It could have gone down differently but it did not. 

It was just like this pregnancy. It had a reason for happening. It was either to bring Sesshomaru and Kagome together or it was to show them they did not belong with each other.

Only time would tell.

After Miyu's unexpected response, Sesshomaru decided to remain quiet. He did not need to dig a deeper hole for himself. Instead, he straightened his back and watched the stairs, waiting for Kagome to come down.

And she eventually did. 

The stairs creaked behind her feet as she revealed herself. After hours of roaming through her closet and changing a million times, she settled on a summer dress. She did not have the first clue as to what she should wear on a date with Sesshomaru. After all, the man had seen her naked; what do you wear after that? Plus, her options were sort of limited since she was pregnant and most of her clothes were too tight now. She refused to spend money on a completely new wardrobe since she needed to save her money for her and her child.

Sesshomaru watched her intensively as she went down all the stairs. He could not help but feel a certain kind of pride swell in his chest as he looked at her; she got all dressed up for him and that never happened before. Tonight, just tonight, all of this was for him. Nobody else.

"You look lovely," he commented as she stopped in front of him. He told her nicer compliments before but this seemed to fit.

"Thank you," she replied very calmly. Then, she turned her head to look at her mother. "I won't be back late." No matter how tonight went, there was one certainty; she was not sleeping with Sesshomaru. Even if the evening was perfect - which would surprise her. This was the best way to let him know. She did not want him getting any ideas. So what if he could make her aroused with one look? It did not mean she had to jump in his pants at the first chance she got. 

He opened the door for her and she went outside. He followed her once he wished her mother a good night. He was trying to be liked after all. Her mother was a good place to start. 

He rushed to open the car's door for her and she thanked him with a nod. She uncomfortable sat in the car and put her seatbelt on before he joined her. 

"I reserved a table in a restaurant," he said as he started the car.

There was no way he was taking her dancing; it was too personal. Movies were not a good options either since they could not talk. Also, clubs and bars were out of the question; he wanted to be somewhere where they could talk. The restaurant seemed like the best place to do so. Although, he was going to have to be very obvious since she did not seem to get any of his signals. He would have thought that her aura as a miko would have picked up on some of the signals he sent her way but apparently not. Now, he had to figure out how to show his emotions. It would be a tedious mission.

"Great," she replied.

At least she could pretend she was busy eating - just in case things did not go right. Though, she promised she would try. Tonight, she would not be bitter, she would not be rude. For one night, she was giving him a clean slate… which was not actually that hard to do since she did not really know anything about him. 

It was his chance to prove her wrong, to make her understand why he thought they should be together. And it was her chance to show him, he did not know her and he was mistaken physical attraction for love. 

The rest of the drive was silent. Sesshomaru knew the point of this was to talk but he did not know where to begin. What could he do that he had not done before?

"Do you morning sickness?" Way to start a conversation.

"I did. They're rare now." Oh god, did she throw up. They were days were she thought she would never leave the bathroom.

That bothered him. He should have been there to help her through it. No, no sense dwelling upon things he could not change. All he could do was change her opinion of him…and it had to work or his ego would never recover from this. He needed her to see they were meant to be or…it would be a very awkward relationship.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the restaurant and Kagome nearly sighed in relief; the atmosphere in the car was thick and laced with awkwardness. Hopefully the rest of the dinner would be different.

"Table for two, under Taisho," she heard him say to the man while she glanced around.

It was a very chic restaurant and it did not surprise her. Sesshomaru always went all out. This was much different from her outings with Inuyasha. They used to go in little fast food places and order hotdogs and hamburgers. Those were good times. She smiled, although she was filled with nostalgia. Her past was not all that bad which made her wonder even more…where did it all go wrong? How did she end up in this mess?

"Kagome?" 

Sesshomaru's voice brought her back to reality. She offered him a smile and followed him to their table. Thinking about Inuyasha would not do. Once they were sitting, the waiter gave them menus and left.

"It's nice," she said while looking at her menu. 

How could they go from passion, to rage, to awkwardness? Their relationship did not make any sense. She used to be so comfortable around him and now she could barely look at him in the eyes? 

Sesshomaru put his menu down; it was now or never. "Is there anything you would like to know?" He did not know how else to do this. He was not very skilled at small chats and despised useless little conversations. He much preferred to go straight to the point. Plus, the whole point of this dinner was for her to get to know him. Would it not be much simpler if she asked what needed to be asked instead of losing time with pointless chitchat? 

Questions? She had many questions for him but the only problem was, she did not even know where to begin. How to unravel the mystery that was Sesshomaru? Because after agreeing to this and going through with this whole charade, she wanted there to be mystery. She needed to find another layer beneath his cold exterior. Why did he do the things he did, why did he act like he felt nothing? He had to feel something right? Or else, why bother with her, why pursue her like this?

Many questions burned her lips and yet she remained silent. He did not help; he simply stared at her with his icy amber eyes, torturing her.

"Why me?" she finally dared to ask. 

His answer should be the same as always; to bother his little brother. However, he doubted that would help things between Kagome and him. Instead, he had to carefully consider his answer. He would not put it past her to leave the restaurant and never speak to him again. After all, she never had a problem refusing him what he wanted most.

"You caught my eye."

"When?"

Now the questions were a little easier to ask. Sesshomaru never, ever paid attention to her before. He barely talked to her! If he had an interest in her he knew how to hide it well.

"The first night my brother brought you over."

There was no way she could have been more shocked. That night? Oh she remembered it well; she was so nervous. Despite the fact that she had been dating Inuyasha for a year, she never met his family. Once he proposed though he could not longer avoid it. That was the night she met Sesshomaru. And he did not even want to shake her hand!

"You were cold and rude! You barely wanted to touch my hand and when you did you looked disgusted."

Wrong. If he could have taken her that night he would have. "I knew my limits."

"Your limits?"

"You were not mine."

"I was never yours and it did not stop you."

Ouch. He did not need to be reminded of that ego shattering event. He knew very well that she was not his. Hence why he had to do this, hence why he had to fight for her. "At the time, I thought my brother would have mated with you." As he mentioned his little brother, she looked away. "And, thus, I knew I had to stay far from you. You were not mine to have."

Until she walked into that club. From that moment she let him touch her, taste her skin, she became his. And letting her go was a lot harder than he anticipated. He wondered how Inuyasha did it. She was intoxicating, addictive. One bite and he was doomed forever.

"So, you only came after me because I wasn't mated?"

"I have honor." He could have respected her bond with Inuyasha if there had been one and if the bastard had not cheated on her. The situation was too easy, to perfect. 

She could not argue with his answer. She could see how from his point of view his logic made sense. And despite the few times that he was rude, she had to agree; he had honor. At least more than Inuyasha ever did. 

"Anything else?" he asked when she remained silent.

"Why me?"

He frowned; she already asked him that question. Did he not answer it well enough?

"You said I caught your eye but why? You probably had plenty of women falling at your feet at that…place."

"They were for my amusement only." And to deal with his ever growing frustration. "And no, I have no returned there ever since that night."  She did not ask but he wanted her to know it. 

"And I wasn't for your amusement only?" Because at time, it sure seemed like he toyed with her. Not that she ever complained…

"You were - are different. I do not know the reason."

The way she moved, the way she spoke…her hair, her eyes….her aura. Everything about her appealed to him and there was no words to explain it. Could she not accept that answer?

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her but he did not know why? Then again, Inuyasha committed to the same thing under the pretence that he loved her and the results were disastrous. 

"Why did you leave?"

She was heartbroken that night. She might not have loved him but he made her feel thing she never felt before. He showed her sides of herself she did not know existed. She was more empowered now, thanks to him. He pulled her out of the darkness and into the light. Then he left, without a goodbye. It was sudden, it was quick…it was almost cruel. They both knew at the time that it would end someday but…not like that.

"You said no."

"I didn't really answer."

"You hesitated. You were wondering how to let me down gently." Because Kagome would never try to hurt anyone even though it was exactly what she did. "Your answer would have been no."

"And that's why you left?"

"I had no reason to remain."

"So, that was how it was going to end? Eventually you were going to ask me, but mine or lose me forever?"

"Yes." Not exactly. He had hoped she would have come to him willingly. 

"What if I had decided to stay with Inuyasha?"

"You wouldn't have."

Kagome was a forgiving woman but he knew that it would have never been the same again between her and his brother. Even if she tried to overlook his mistake, one day it would have been too much for her to bear. It was over from the moment he laid his lips on her. And there was no going back once she found out the other woman was Kanna.

He was right. Maybe he did know her more than she thought. At first she foolishly thought that Inuyasha and her could put the pieces back together but they would have never been able to do it. They were over the moment he cheated on her with her best friend.

"I told you that you were different. I did not desire only a physical relationship with you. Once I saw it was all you sought, I thought it best to leave." To salvage the rest of his ego, to protect himself from her. That did not work.

"Why did you think I'd be ready?" He raised an eyebrow to show his confusion. "I had just found out my husband was cheating on me, cheated on him myself, found out the identity of the other woman… why did you think I was ready to give this whole relationship a go? Especially since mating is so much more permanent than marriage."

"I thought you knew I was different as well." He might share half of his blood with his brother but they were too completely different people. "I honor my commitment and my promises." He could never tie himself to another woman forever and than forsake her. It was not who he was. She should have known it and he should not have to explain it.

"I don't know you," she bluntly admitted.

"I see that now."

Sometimes, the way he spoke, made her heart ache. There was another layer to him. He seemed to be truly offended that she could not see him. It was hardly her fault; he never showed emotions, he never spoke. How was she supposed to know him? He never gave her a chance. Actually, he made her think there was nothing to him. Now, though she finally saw glimpses of who Sesshomaru was.

It was not as bad as she thought.

"You are different from him," she finally stated. 

Inuyasha made mistakes because Inuyasha was reckless. He acted before thinking. He followed his emotions and his heart; Sesshomaru was the opposite. Even though not all of his decisions made sense to her, she could see that he thought carefully before making important decisions. If Inuyasha had been like that, they would still be together.

Her words pleased him and he even let a smirk slip from him. Before it was not as hopeless as he originally thought. 

They still had time.

-V-

The rest of the evening was uneventful but insightful.

He shared as much as he could - and what he thought was appropriate. She seemed to be pleased with all of his answers and that caused a wave of relief to wash over him. It also confirmed what he always knew; she was it. Even if he tried to walk away, even if he tried to forget about her, he never would. He never fought so hard for anything in his life. He never let anyone walk all over his ego like this in the past. She had to be special.

Contrary to what she thought, Kagome enjoyed her evening. Though he remained stoic and casual in their interactions he was speaking. She always knew him to be in charge and quiet. This was a new facade. There was only one problem, one thing that nagged her. Since everything went well, she knew the good night part would be complicated. Sesshomaru's expectations were still high. Yes, she agreed with him that she did not know the first thing about him. And though the bits and pieces she was discovering were interesting, it did not mean she was going to mate him.

It did not mean they were meant to be.

Also, they were too many factors affecting them right now and she could not let herself be swayed. 

Did she really want to be in a relationship again? And when she tried to explain all this to him, would he take it well or have another fit like he did at her old apartment?

As they walked back to the car, the dreadful moment was fast approaching and she could feel her heart racing. Her hands were moist and her throat was dry. Maybe he would drop her home without asking any questions. Maybe he would not expect anything. Crap. She knew enough about him to know it would not go down that way.

He opened the door for her and she thanked him by nodding her head. Her hands were shaking as she clipped in her seatbelt. A few moments later he joined her in the car, a slight frown on his face. He could smell her nervousness and it was bothersome. She appeared to be fine during the whole evening, why was she nervous now? He tried to look into her eyes but she kept avoiding his gaze.

Regardless, he started the car and headed towards her house. 

Was she nervous because she thought he would drive her back to his place? Yes, he wanted her - but that was no secret. She also desired him. However, he had no intention of mixing physical pleasure to this whole mess. Would he love to park the car and take her right there? Obviously. But, they already explored that side of their relationship. If he wanted this to work, he had to give her more. 

If only he could figure out how to do it.

A few moments later, they pulled in front of the shrine and Kagome knew the moment she feared was now. 

"Thank you for this evening," she politely said.

He nodded.

Why was he not saying anything? It would be so much easier. God. "I - What did you expect out of tonight?"

There. It was out in the open. Now they had to talk about it.

"I wished to show you that you did not know me."

"You were right."

"I know you."

"I know." Not that well though or he would know about the million thoughts running through her mind at the moment. 

"Were you not pleased with the evening?"

"I am." She sighed. "I just - one good evening isn't going to fix everything Sesshomaru… I'm still not sure that's a good idea for you and me to be… you and me."

First she had a problem because their relationship was purely physical. Now, he gave her what she wanted and it still was not good enough? There was no pleasing her!

"One night doesn't mean you're no longer a stranger." They would need many nights and even then, it did not mean it would work out in the end. Did he not see that they had their child to think about? They could not put themselves first. They were reckless for a while and now that behaviour had to change. They had to change.

She watched as his grip on the wheel tightened; he was not happy.

"I have given you everything. More than he gave to you."

Inuyasha made mistakes but for a while he gave her love. He might have strayed from it but for a while it was true love and she was sure of that. Could she say the same about Sesshomaru's feelings?

"Reckless nights. This would be a long commitment. One where we need trust."

"Have I ever done anything to break your trust?" He was loyal, he respected her. Heck, even when she turned him down he respected her decision and walked away. What more did she want from him? His brother got away with so many mistakes. 

"No." She popped her lips. "You do have a problem with your attitude."

"You did decline my offer," he justified.

"I didn't think you meant it."

Sesshomaru undid his seatbelt and grabbed her chin with her fingers. "I am not my brother. I do not make promises I do not intend to live up to. If I asked you, it was because I wanted it. I never had any intention of betraying you."

"He never did either." Inuyasha did not set out to hurt her. He probably never thought it would happen.

"Inuyasha gives into his weaknesses. He uses them as excuses." He was so tired of being compared to his little brother. He was better than him.

"I - I don't know. I don't know where all of this is going."

He never felt so frustrated of his entire life. He was not that skilled with words; he was not a social person. He could show her thought, like he showed her many times before. He used his hold on her chin to bring her closer and crash his lips upon hers. At first, she was stunned and did not move. Then, she raised her hands and put them on his chest; she was going to push him away. He could not let her. She had to let him show her. Before, she was not paying attention, before she did not think he loved her but now she knew. 

He moved his hands so that he could hold the back of her head. One more second. If she still did not want him he would stop. 

Kagome felt the pressure of his mouth, the warmth of his fingers and she was so close to giving in. It felt right. Although she knew it was not. But god did she want to give him. For a moment, it did not matter that it would not solve any of their problems; all she wanted was to feel his arms around her one more time. When he kissed her, when he touched her, she forgot about everything. She needed this.

And it was all it took for her to sleep up. She dared to return the kiss.

Then it was too late.

As soon as he felt her respond, he stopped holding himself back. He kissed her like he had never kissed her before. His lips moved in sync against hers and he did not waste any time. His tongue begged for entrance and she quickly granted it. His fingers were completely tangled in her hair as he brought her even closer. Their tongues battled and he heard her groan in his mouth. 

He knew this was not the way this night was supposed to go. He was supposed to teach her things about himself but it was hardly his fault that she was too stubborn to listen. What was he supposed to do? He had to go back to his old methods if he wanted to keep her. After all, it sort of worked once, who said it would not work again? 

Sesshomaru finally released her head and instead let his hand glide down her body. He felt and savoured every curves, every inch of her body. She was fire beneath his touch and he wanted to get burn. He could not stop kissing her; he was afraid that if he did, she would change her mind. Unfortunately for him, it was her who tore her mouth away from his. She pulled away and glanced into his eyes. Her lips were plumped, bruised and wet as she stared with an open mouth. She was completely breathless, her chest heaving.

Her hands were still on his chest but they were clutching at his collar. Was she going to pull him in or push him away?

She forgot how good it felt to kiss him, how great he made her feel. When he touched her, she was the only woman in the world, the prettiest one, the most desirable. All he was doing was reminding her of things she already knew.

"Give me a reason," she finally said.

There had to be something he could say that could convince her that this was the right decision. There had to be a magic sentence that would convince her to pursue this insane thing they had going.

Sesshomaru covered her hands with his and then lowered himself to her neck. His breath tickled her flesh and she tilted her head back. "Peaches are your favourite fruit," he said before lapping at her neck. She frowned; how would he know? "You eat chocolate when you are upset." This time, he kissed her neck. "You feel guilty that you got to know your father and your brother did not." Another kiss…this time lower. "You hate mornings." Another one - close to her breasts. "You are a terrible singer." And he went back up, kissing her all the way to her jaw. "You would do anything to make the people you love happy."

He pulled away from her and stared right into her eyes. Her blue orbs were glistening with tears - bad or good, he did not know. 

How could he possibly know these things? Before they started this little thing, she could barely even remember seeing him. Sure, Inuyasha and her often had dinner at Inutaisho and Izayoi's house but most of the time he was not there. And when he was, he certainly did not pay attention to anyone. He did not even talk! Yet there he was, telling her things that she was almost certain Inuyasha himself did not know and he had known her since forever.

It brought up one question; was she the one that was not paying attention? Maybe she was the one who never noticed him…because she was not looking.

How was she supposed to push him away now? How was she supposed to say no? Apparently, he gave them plenty of chances and she gave them none; she felt guilty. Heck, she could not even name one thing about him despite the evening they spent together. Sesshomaru made his point; he knew it all and she knew nothing. Though his words did convince him that maybe she should get to know him so more. But she should not have sex with him, despite how great she was feeling right now; electricity was jolting through her body every time he touched her.

If he really wanted this, he would do it her way.

"We have to stop."

Alright, now he was confused. Stop? She seemed pleased with him and she clearly loved the way he was touching her; why would she want to stop.

"Do you want this?" He arched an eyebrow. "I don't mind this as in this," she clarified. "I meant us."

He nodded.

"Then we can't do this." Oh god she had a feeling her body would be hating her for it later. The urge was out and now it would need to be satisfied. "I want us to have a proper relationship, not just sex."

"You are considering this?"

"I don't know but I think it deserves a chance. I misjudged you." 

It was crazy. She was pregnant, they used to have sex behind her husband's back…she just got a divorce. It was all wrong and the timing would not be worse. And yet, she was considering it. She was going to try it.

There was nothing he wanted more than to rip off her clothes and fuck her right there in his car. Heck, he was even sure that with some convincing, she would go for it as well but - but he was not allowed to screw up. A few days ago, she hated his guts and did not even say more than two words to him. Now, she wanted to give it a shot. He could not let that opportunity slip away. He would have to learn self-control. Though he was never any good at that when it came to her.

"I agree."

She released his collar from her grip and slid her hands down to move away from him. Unfortunately, all it did was remind her of the amazing body that hid beneath his shirt. She had to go, now. 

"Thank you for tonight," she uttered with shaking lips.

He would not ask her when he would see her again; he did not want to seem desperate. Especially not now that his pride was finally recovering from her previous rejection.

Go home now, Kagome kept repeating to herself as she stared into his eyes. Sesshomaru was a dangerous addiction, she had always known that. It was worst now that her hormones were out of whack. A good night kiss would not be inappropriate would it?

She took a deep breath before pressing her lips to his. It was meant to be innocent - sort of - but it simply ignited the fire again. Now she had to pull away. She turned her head to the side and almost dashed out of the car. Sesshomaru watched her almost run up the stairs with a smile on his face. Perhaps he would not have to stay away from her after all.

Meanwhile, Kagome was shaking her head.

This was a bad idea. What kind of mess did she get herself into? 

Sesshomaru and her. As a couple. 

Was there hope?

-V-