Strength

Hi all, sorry its been a week. I have many Chinese friends and been visiting for Chinese New Year, had a great time, but no time to type. :)
Aww you guys are so great with the reviews. I am glad really glad you liked the mock battle. You are all so wonderful. You keep me motivated to write.
Merely truth, :*blushes wow thanks.
Ladykaa : Making them not hate Sesshy was all he could manage. ;)
meagerakawaii, mcdgodess, Kasia-chan: One main trait Inuyasha has in the story is that he is a parent, who knows he is dying. Thanks so much for seeing that. The pups are strong.
Snowfall, : Sesshy was being 'patient' now is the time for questions.
Pumpkinpi : U are rite about humans. They are part of Inuyasha's past, and in many ways he has moved on.
Kitty Gets Loose : Inuyasha lost a lot of himself, he is just been focused on his kids, and there is a way synergy08,my perversities, gauche-wold, Rae, Madam De Coeur, midnight sweet THANKS!!!

And thanks for putting up with my lousy spelling and grammar. :)

I have a suggestion to anyone who feels like editing, copy and paste the parts with mistakes into an email and mail it to me. Please be specific. I will collect and one day get around to editing fully. Telling me I am making mistakes and NOT showing where is not all that helpful.

Errr... ANYWAY!! ANGST ALERT BACK UP!!!

Read, review and.. errr ... try not to want to kill me tooo much.


Chapter 11 : A father's sacrifice

Inuyasha was berating himself as he stood by his children's bed. It had been three days since the fest, and he had managed to avoid the 'discussion'. The children were still hesitant with Sesshoumaru, but there had been so much to do, so many details and guests to take care of, Inuyasha had managed to avoid being alone with the group all together. Things had been hectic, but today all the others had left, and the children had a full day of play, were tired out and had gone to sleep early. Sesshoumaru, the humans and Ryoku-sensei would be here soon.

Dammit...He didn't want it, he didn't want things to change, he wanted to pretend things were fine... but he could not. He did not have that luxury, time was not on his side. Clawed fingers reached out and stroked the silver hair of the children, pieces of Inuyasha's shattered heart seemed to crack and break even more. He wanted to hold them, keep them to himself, but Mee-chan and Kisihi had already softened to Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha had engineered it, but it hurt. It hurt so damn much.

Inuyasha drew in a shaky breathe, stupid Hanyou, why did he always seem to forget, it didn't matter. All that mattered was the pups, all that could matter was his precious pups and their happiness. His eyes burned but no tears fell. There was no place for his stupid emotions, they did not matter, HE didn't matter. He only mattered to the three angels on the bed, but that was because he had selfishly kept them to himself all this time.

..Now they would have a DaiYoukai for a father, and Inuyasha knew how he stacked up against the pure blooded Youkai. Well, Inuyasha considered ironically, his death was probably for the best, watching his children turn from him and turn to Sesshoumaru, and maybe one day condemn him as a half breed, see him through Sesshoumaru's eyes, was not something Inuyasha ever wanted to experience. It would be worse.. so much worse then death. Yes, it was for the best, that he die before his children were old enough to understand the taint he was to their blood.

He wondered if they would remember him once he was gone, if they would mourn him as he mourned his mother. He did not what that for them. He did not want tragedy and sadness to touch his precious ones. If he could find a potion to make them forget him before he was gone... he'd use it in a flash. They should be happy, they should be whole, and .. they were all that mattered.

He would do what he must. Inuyasha straightened, he ached with the stress. He shoved all his pathetic emotions into that dark corner of himself. Tormented golden eyes closed, and when they opened again they were blank, he gave nothing away. He walked out and called Shiori into the room, placing her on the bed with her pups, he ordered her to put up a barrier, that let nothing through. Not Youki, not sound, he wanted his children totally insulated from the discussion. Shiori nodded and when Inuyasha closed the door, the barrier went up. There would be no deception, no trying to hear, Shiori loved the Hanyou as her father and she was totally obedient when he made such requests. To Shiori, much like the other children Inuyasha could do no wrong, and his requests in that tone of voice, was simply to be obeyed.

Inuyasha took a deep breathe as he walked into the dining room, the play that he would keep up for the next few years was about to begin, and there was no turning back.

**
Dinner became a quiet affair when the group realized that the children were not present. It was time for questions, and the tension mounted. Ryoku-sensei joined them half way through dinner and Sesshoumaru though sheer will pretended nothing unusual was happening as he forced himself to eat slowly, as if he was not dying to ask questions. Both Sesshoumaru and Kouga watched the Hanyou's every move. Inuyasha ate, but might as well have been alone at the table for the attention he paid them. Finally tea was served and dinner was over, they would adjourn to the guest hall for the discussion.

Inuyasha without a word, still distracted, got up and walked off, with an absent wave. Hana was the one who politely invited them to follow. They walked through a long corridor with Shiori's painting of the Inu family decorating the walls. This was the first time the visitors were allowed in the corridor, and they gasped in appreciation at paintings of Inuyasha sitting with his 3 children, of the children in their Full Youkai form, of Inuyasha fighting a demon while the three pups were hidden, of all of them at dinner or playing. Finally they came to a painting that was half covered by a deliberately placed curtain.

“Why is that covered?” Sesshoumaru asked, his eyes drawn to the picture, it was one of his pups, they were tiny, maybe two weeks old and they slept contentedly cocooned in red.

Ryoku looked at the painting, “I have wondered it myself, I imagine Shiori covered it because she made a mistake on the other part.” the female Inu Youkai dismissed the painting wanting to hurry to the hall so that the talk she had been waiting for could finally take place.

Hana hesitated, then she took a deep breathe and shook her head. “No my Lady, Shiori thinks this is her best painting, it is not her that hides it, it is Lord Inuyasha. He believes the rest of what is captured on the canvas, spoils the beauty of the painting. It is on his orders that it is covered.” Hana said softly.

“Well that hardly matters, let's go. We are wasting time.” Kagome snapped impatiently, she was tired of being kept waiting.

Sesshoumaru turned flat eyes at the miko, “Then go! This Sesshoumaru wishes to see what Inuyasha seeks to keep covered.” He said as he looked at Hana. The woman hesitated for a second, then she nodded, and unveiled the rest of the painting.

Sharp breathes echoed in the hall, the rest of the painting focused on the one carrying the babies. It was a painting of the first time Shiori had seen the babies in their humanoid form. The whole, healthy and peacefully sleeping babies contrasted sharply with the picture of their bearer. Inuyasha was painfully gaunt, he looked starved. There were bags and very dark rings around his eyes. His hair was limp and mattered. There were bruises and marks all along his neck and collar bones where his pups fed on his blood. Other bruises and painful marks from fighting were visible on his face. His lips were cracked from de-hydration and to Sesshoumaru's eyes, some dead human looked healthier then the Hanyou.

“Inuyasha-sama believes that he is ugly in this picture, that he spoils the beauty of the pups and should not be in the picture. What do you think?” Hana asked the Daiyoukai, this was her test of him.
It took a second for Sesshoumaru to wet his dry throat and when he finally spoke his voice was raw, “This Sesshoumaru thinks, that the Hanyou is the most beautiful part of the picture.” he said simply, passing Hana's test. The Hanyou looked physically sick, but there was a joy in his eyes, a love for the tiny beings in his arms that seemed to reach out of the canvas and wrap around Sesshoumaru. This was his family, he should have been there!! Inuyasha in the picture glowed, and Sesshoumaru wanted that glow to be his, he wanted it to be aimed at him. He needed answers, now. Sesshoumaru swept off, heading to the hall without another word.

Kouga considered the picture, and his admiration of the Hanyou increased. Who could have imagined a Hanyou would be so damn strong. Ryoku looked sadly at the picture, the poor brave Hanyou. How on earth had he manage to keep them alive? She followed after her son. The rest of the group followed behind, Kagome wondered why the stupid Hanyou was so irresponsible as to not get a healer and look after himself before birthing the pups. He had probably been too busy fighting. Really he was so short sighted! The rest were troubled and kept their own council as they went into the hall.

Inuyasha sat on a pillow, before him were four more pillows, with more pillows lined up behind. Sesshoumaru and Ryoku took the middle pillows with Kouga and Kaede on either side. The others sat on the pillows further back, Hana sat on a pillow to the side, slightly behind Inuyasha. Once they were seated they all looked expectantly at the Hanyou.

Finally Inuyasha said softly “Well, ask your questions, what do you feel you need to know?”

“Why did you leave? How could you abandon us like that?” Kagome burst out, tears in her eyes.

Inuyasha looked at her unmoved. “How could I?” Inuyasha gave a dry bark of laughter. “The correct question you stupid girl, is how could I NOT leave? I had fulfilled my obligation to you and you were a danger to my pups. It was not just the sitting, it was the way none of you ever listened to me, they way your needs were always, always of the supreme importance. From what I ate, to how I talked, you treated me like a child, but still you all expected me to be the 'adult', the Alpha in battle. Remember your little speech about what I had not 'sacrificed' in the search for the Shikon Shards? After all those years, you had no idea. You all never really listened, so what did I have to stay for? To make life more convenient and easy for you? I think not. Your tears are self serving Miko, I am not impressed, if that is all you came to say, leave! I am not your friend, anymore.” Inuyasha said flatly.

Kagome looked at him, tragically. “You have changed Inuyasha, you have gotten hard. The way you fought your children in the demonstration. You bruised them, hurt them, how could you! They are tiny children...you behaved like a..a..a..”

“A demon?” a mocking humor entered Inuyasha's eyes, he gestured for Sesshoumaru and Kouga to stay silent, and turned to Shippo sitting next to Miroku. “Well kit? What is your opinion of my demonstration with my pups? Speak true.”

Shippo looked at Kagome and them back at Inuyasha. Kagome fully expected the Kitsune to side with her, her jaw came unhinged. “I.. I.. wanted to be them. They were so strong. I am sorry Inuyasha-sama you tried to train me, but I foolishly thought you were just being mean. We are not humans, I want to be strong too.” Shippo whispered out. Inuyasha nodded thoughtfully. Miroku rose suddenly and bowed low.

“We are foolish humans indeed. On behalf of Sango and myself, I apologize Inuyasha. You were right, we did not listen, we made assumptions and we treated you not like a friend, but.. but.. like.. well I'm not sure what. It was we who failed you, and I apologize sincerely.” Miroku said bowing again.

“Keh! Get up monk, you look foolish on the floor.” Inuyasha was glad for the apology, but it changed nothing. They were no longer friends. “The past is over, there is no reason to revisit it. All that matters now is the future.” Inuyasha dismissed the humans from his mind and looked at the demons sitting before him.

“I haven't finished my questions yet!” Kagome said almost desperately, she really wanted Inuyasha's attention and could not believe how easily he dismissed her.

“Frankly I care not, as far as I'm concerned your questions mean nothing. My dealings with you is in the past, you play no role in the future, my future, the future of my children.” Inuyasha said not bothering to look at her. “You may leave, or you may stay, do as you like. I care not.”

Shocked into silence, tears rolled down Kagome's face, Miroku petted her arm awkwardly, but gestured for her to be silent. She had made her bed- with the foolish self absorption of a spoiled child, she was wrong, but they had been through a lot together and he pitied her.

“Inuyasha how did you keep the pups alive with out a mate? I have never heard of a successful male birth without both sires present.” Kouga finally asked the question that burned in all the Youkai's minds.

“I had help, from a Water Goddess. She owed me a favor cause we saved her from an impostor, so she helped me make sure the babies survived the birthing.” Inuyasha shrugged as if it was not a big thing. “Plus it seems that Mee-chan was able to connect with Sesshoumaru some how, and he provided the extra Youki to help the pups take their human forms.” Inuyasha said giving Sesshoumaru what Inuyasha saw as his due. “It was no big deal really.” Inuyasha shrugged, the babies had survived, it was the past, as far as he was concerned that was all anyone needed to know.

Hana gasped and squirmed in her seat. She could not believe that was all Inuyasha was going to say. Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed on the human. Before he could say anything, Inuyasha began to speak.

“Anyway that is all hardly the point, Sesshoumaru what do you think of the pups?” Inuyasha asked suddenly, an eager proud light in his eyes. “They are beautiful are they not? Perfect Youkais.”

“Yes, Inuyasha they are indeed. You have done an amazing job raising them.” Sesshoumaru replied, wondering where this was going.

“They will bring honor to the Inu Youkais.” Inuyasha said with satisfaction, then he took a deep breathe and looked squarely at the impassive DaiYoukai. “Well Sesshoumaru, are you going to acknowledge them?”

'This Sesshoumaru, already acknowledges them Hanyou! Why did you not inform me of their birth? They are my pups! You have stolen much of their lives from me!” Sesshoumaru suddenly snarled out, his anger at what he had missed boiling to the surface.

Inuyasha straightened, he faced the Daiyoukai straight on. “You would have strangled me at birth, in case my pups had been born Hanyou, I would not, could not take that chance. If the pups had been contaminated with my blood, I would have left Japan with them. I swear! I would not have brought further shame to the name of Inu Taisho. I swear, we would not have disturbed you. But the pups are not Hanyou, they are Youkai. Pure, beautiful Youkai, who can all transform into full Youkai forms. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of, I made sure of that before contacting you.” Inuyasha said eagerly, his pride in the pups shining through, making him seem extraordinarily young.

“I know I did wrong for not contacting you.” Inuyasha said, it was now time to put his 3 year plan into action. “I have a way to make it up to you.”

No one quite knew how to respond. Everyone were a little too shell shocked by Inuyasha's interpretation of events to say anything, and seeing their silence as agreement Inuyasha quickly continued.

“The pups are very close to me, if you take them to the Western Lands without me, they will not be very happy. So it is best if I went with you, as well, for a while at least until the Pups are used to you.” Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed, what exactly was the Hanyou saying. Inuyasha seeing the look quickly continued with the rest of his plan, “Look, I know you don't want me there, but we both need to consider the pups, what is best for them. And I will be the first to admit that it would be best if no one ever realized that the pups carry Hanyou blood. So what I think we need to do is tell everyone that the pups mother died, I will go with you, not as the pups father but as their uncle, babysitter and trainer. You don't even have to put up with me in your palace, I can live in a small hut in the gardens or something. Anyway, after a while I can start traveling, first short trips of course, then after a few years I can take slightly longer ones, and you can have the children to yourself. They can be your true heirs that way. And you don't have to worry, I will talk to the pups and convince them to go along with the plan.”

Inuyasha would not mention that on one of his longer trips he just would not return. He would find a way to make his death look natural, to make it look like he was killed in battle or something. No one would ever need to know the price he paid for the lives of his pups, the truth would only serve to hurt the pups. THEY would never be made to feel guilty for having been born. Inuyasha's mad cap smile did not touch his golden eyes.

“Its a good plan, ne? I will keep out of your way Sesshoumaru, if we do it this way, everyone will be happy.” Inuyasha said expectantly, he awaited their response.

--tbc--