Affliction

I'd just like to thank Snowfall for the great ideas. ^.^ It helped so much!


Flashes of greens, blues, and yellows danced along the windows of the train, smearing the scenery into one massive blur; aromas of coffees, foods, and cigars filtered through the cabin as muffled voices cluttered the background. Stretched out upon faded denim had been a sheet of paper with doodles and scribbles, something like "To whom it may concern" scratched out on the top line decorated with stick figures. Inuyasha had tried to find the words to describe his feelings, to allow himself this small bit of recovery. It was suppose to help release the burden of regret and self-hatred as one apologized for any intentional -or unintentional- suffering they caused to those around them. He hurt the one person he cared about most and that was Sesshomaru. There had been times it was done quite on purpose, but this last escapade surely was not. Inuyasha hadn't expected for his brother to waltz into his home and find him with a massive over-dose from heroine. That hadn't been the plan at all. Even now the hanyou wasn't so convinced that he hadn't unintentionally tried to commit suicide.

Removing a picture from his pocket, golden eyes narrowed with sorrow as tears swelled at the corners. It was a picture of he and Sesshomaru during the holiday when they went to a festival, which the youkai blatantly voiced his disgust over the event; it was sweet and enduring the way the elder demon held onto his counterpart as Inuyasha watched him with such adoration. It had been taken just weeks before the one battle the hanyou would never be able to erase from memory no matter how many lifetimes passed. For a moment, a spark of animosity scoured through Inuyasha's veins - he wanted Sesshomaru to be suffering as much as he had been. Unbeknownst to him, Sesshomaru was suffering.

Bunching against a corner upon the bench, Inuyasha buried his face against drawn knees while arms veiled the rainbow mane. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing deemed important; nothing except Sesshomaru. Love was a spiderweb of confusion, deception...loving Sesshomaru was dangerous. It made the hanyou feel impotent - unable to control the emotional rollercoaster. He needed to runaway, needed to be alone for the first time in all his life. No one could glue the broken hanyou back together again; not all the king's men or horses, or the butcher and baker and candlestick maker...just Inuyasha and Inuyasha alone. Impulsive, reckless. A lifestyle the hanyou could no longer lead; if that meant removing himself permanently from the band...then so be it. If it meant never being around his 'friends' again...so it shall be. And, if it included erasing Sesshomaru from existence in his world...the half-breed would do what he must.

A part of Inuyasha died this day, pieces withered and dried, scars internal and emotional were scorched within. Were these the repercussions Sesshomaru had been mocking him about? Was this getting what he deserved? Perhaps. Was he destined to be something more to his brother? And, what was with all the harmonious interactions that turned so brutally cold, violent...between the siblings? It seemed Karma and Fate were just as indecisive as they were. Blowing a puff of air upwards to scatter ivory bangs from his eyes, Inuyasha lifelessly stared at the ceiling of the cabin. He used to imagine that only he and Sesshomaru existed and there was an alternate universe where all was merry. Just like the stars in the sky, that dream had faded and burned out. Now, days streamed together, the hanyou forgetting how many days it had been since he boarded the train - not that it mattered and he didn't care either way regardless. After all, Inuyasha left with no word or inclination, but who could blame him.

Screeching to their stop, iron wheels sparked against the rusted railing as the train harbored into the Peking station. It had been a short flight from Okinawa to Hong Kong...almost too short. Inuyasha unfurled from the ball he knitted himself into, gathering his satchel, and wasted no time sauntering into the dreary evening of China. China - to Inuyasha, wasn't far enough away. Noises, both boisterous and cheery, flooded through sensitive hearing causing a brow to loft with curiosity.; the hanyou couldn't understand much of what they were saying and an oddly amusing relief washed through. Wrenching upon dried lips, a fragmented grin of satisfaction flickered and vanished. A shadow cast behind in the dying of the afternoon sun's glow as Inuyasha ambled to a destination unknown.