Innocent Beginnings

Disclaimer: InuYasha and Co. © Rumiko Takahashi
Author Note: Review! Reviews make me happy
Maggz


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Chapter 10: Reality Bites…


Christmas had come and gone so fast it seemed. I found myself looking at the calendar Sango had bought for me as a Christmas present and sighed, seeing the word, March, staring right back at me, as if it mocked the fact that Sesshomaru was far, far away from me and would be for quite awhile yet.

Sesshomaru had left on a business trip with his father to go on the European, North American, and South American legs of their hotel network. I missed him terribly but we had exchanged emails and the occasional phone call when he the the opportunity - yet his had started to become fewer and farther in between as of the last several weeks. I tried really hard to be upbeat and supportive in my mails and when he called for I could hear the loneliness in his voice at times so strongly that it felt as if it were truly my own. He would never really come out and tell me he was lonely, but I could sense it just the same. He had teased me endlessly the first month, telling me he was buying me a little trinket in every town they visited and thougbeggbegged of him not to - I was excited and quite flattered that he had. It meant he was at least thinking of me and my heart warmed at the thought.

My computer had become my link to the world outside Sacred Heart and I suppose it was quite a lucky thing that early on, I hadn’t run across any of the gossip rags or rumor mills that ran the gamut over the net concerning him. Call me sheltered if you want, I suppose I believed in fairy tales then but even now after all that has happened between us, what can I say? I STILL do!

I began that dreary gray morning not feeling my best as I’d started my period with the inevitable range of headaches and cramping that went along with it. Miserable, I’d huddled in bed until Sango had come on shift and urged me to get up for lunch as I’d entirely passed on breakfast earlier.

Coaxing me to eat a bit as well as take a mild pain reliever, she then sat down in the chair nearest my bed and read to me from the book of poetry that Kagome had given to me for Christmas. Normally, I’d have brushed away her attempts at friendship but since promising Sesshomaru that I would try my best to regain my long lost personality skills, I’d discovered I really DID like Sango. She’d been a good friend to me since I’d been brought to Sacred Heart and she was a familiar and comfortable part of my routine little world now. It didn’t hurt the situation that I was feeling a bit neglected at the moment, not having heard from Sesshomaru in over a week. Hormones or not, I was worried and not a little piqued at him. He hadn’t even answered my last email to him and that was so unlike him that I had become more than a bit concerned.

As Sango read softly to me, I let my mind wander, staring out at the pouring rain. Should I call HIM? I’d never phoned him before, was just too shy to even attempt it. Yet he HAD said to call him if I needed anything at all, even just to chat. Still… what if he was in some big important meeting and I interrupted with a silly call of hello? Would he become angry at me? Or had he just simply forgotten I even existed? Had the time come that I’d feared since I’d first turned my heart over to him - had I started to become an obligation to him that he no longer cared to see to?

“Rin?”, Sango’s voice broke through my worries and looking over at her, I tried to force a smile, only the attempt was just too much. Before I realized it - I was crying and she was up and out of her chair, cradling me in her arms in an instant.

“There, there, hun…”, she crooned, as if she were way more than her two or so years older than myself. “It’s ok, Rin. You’re just missing him, that’s all. He’ll be here soon enough and everything will be alright again. I just know it.”, she said.

It felt good to be soothed and calmed. Other than Sesshomaru, Sango was the only person in my life that I had allowed to get close since the accident. God knew it was much easier that way. Now it looked as if she’d be the ONLY one I’d have to fall back on.

“You’re such a little love, Rin. You know, Sesshomaru just adores you. I remember so well the way he wanted to surprise you on Christmas with that beautiful gown! Why he was just like a little boy prancing about as if he couldn’t wait for the day to arrive! I swear I don’t know how we kept it such a secret from you!”, she smiled. “He’s a good man, Rin. That Sesshomaru is one of a kind. Don’t you be believing anything that is said in those filthy gossip rags about him!”, she said vehemently. “It’s just trash is all… just so much trash to line the dustbin!”

I wiped at me eyes, lifting my head to peer at her. Whatever was she talking about? She seemed almost angry and I knew there was something I wasn’t getting from her tirade but I just wasn’t sure WHAT.

“What do you mean, Sango? Is it true?”, I asked. I knew it was wrong to be so sneaky… to act as if I had a clue as to what she was ranting over but I knew Sango well enough to know that if she thought for one second that what she was going to say would hurt or anger me, she’d clamp her mouth firmly shut on it and I’d never learn what had gotten her so in a whirl.

“Of course it’s not true!! The girl’s nothing more than a slut if you ask me, Rin! All lies!”, she said, nodding her head.

“Yes, lies… was it… I mean, do you have the paper?”, I asked, keeping my eyes firmly on hers.

“Why yes! You mean you haven’t seen it?”, she asked, her eyes as big as saucers.

Quickly I recovered. “Yes, but only on the internet. I’d like to at least see the actual paper if you don’t mind.”, I said.

“But why would you want to see it again and again, Rin? It’s not good for you! Now you’ve gone and got upset over it all and it’s just no good.”, she cried, wringing her hands.

“Sango. I’m fine. It’s not what you think. I got my monthly this morning and I’m not at my best. You understand.”, I said.

“Oh, Rin! Yes, of course. But are you sure…?”, she wavered a bit.

“I’m sure. Please. Can you get the paper for me?”, I asked.

“Yes, I’ll be right back.”

I sat on pins and needles the entire five minutes it took her to run back to the rec room and grab the paper she’d been raving about. I knew in my heart that I shouldn’t read it. I knew it was only going to upset me further and I knew it had to do with Sesshomaru and a girl. But I couldn’t stop myself once I’d started, you understand. I HAD to see.

Sango walked back into the room, newspaper folded underneath her arm.

“I really wish you wouldn’t...”, she said but I held my hand out and smiled at her as she reluctantly placed the folded paper into it. “They print such horrid things about them.”

“Thanks, Sango.”, I said, tossing the paper aside as if it were nothing to me. God knew I was dying to see just what had her in a tizzy but I knew better than to let my emotions show through to her again. One cry was more than enough with anyone present… another would be a huge mistake.

“You aren’t going to read it? Look at it?”, she asked, eyes wide again.

“Not right now. I’ve already seen it on the website, you know. I think I’d rather like to take a short nap. This weather has me feeling lazy and I’m still crampy.”, I said, rubbing a hand over my belly.

“Ok. Well, if you need anything… just buzz. My shift is over in two hours, but you know that already, right?”, she said, pulling the blanket at the bottom of my bed up and over me. “Just like a big brother, he is… so watchful and sweet. Must be nice having Sesshomaru as a brother.”, she smiled down at me.

My heart lurched in my chest at her unintended hurtful words but I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Was it really that obvious? Did he not care for me at all as I cared for him? Did he not see that I loved him with everything in my heart and soul? Had he NOT kissed me not once but TWICE on Christmas Night? Had I not seen the look of love shining in his clear amber eyes?

“Rin?”, Sango asked worriedly.

“Head hurts, Sango. I’m just tired.”, I whispered.

“Ok. I’ll come back to check on you before I leave for the day. Buzz if you need me.”, she said again and mercifully slid out of room, closing the door behind her.

I lay there and counted very slowly to ten before shoving the blanket off me and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. Grabbing the paper I’d just recently tossed so carelessly aside, I slid quickly back to my bed and opened it up, scanning the front cover.

Nothing.

Social and Entertainment section. That HAD to be where it was!

I flipped through the pages until I found the section I was searching for and right there in ‘as big as you want’ color was my Sesshomaru cuddling close with another girl. My heart thumped heavily in my chest and I found that I was having trouble even taking a proper breath. Grabbing the paper into my hands and holding it closer to my face, I quickly read through the two short paragraphs detailing Sesshomaru’s being ‘spotted’ at a trendy nightclub with a mysterious brunett his his arm. It even went so far as to detail the way the girl had sat in his lap, kissing and teasing him in front of everyone in the bar. My eyes raced back to the picture as if to burn the image into my brain. Who was she? How long had she known Sesshomaru and WAS she his girlfriend?

I suppose until that very minute, I HAD been living in a fairy tale world. Yet nothing shatters fairy tales like a good healthy dose of reality and Sesshomaru, unknowingly, I’m sure, had just given me a heaping spoonful of it! I was angry at him, but embarrassed for myself as well. Had I really thought he LOVED me as I loved him? Had I been so blind and naïve that I hadn’t accepted the truth when it was staring me right in the face? I was nothing to him! Nothing but a silly little girl he’d felt sorry for. How could I have been so stupid?

My first instinct was to ball up the paper and throw it across the room as hard as I could. What held me back, I’m not sure, but I soon found myself sitting at my desk, scissors in hand, as I carefully cut out the offending picture and the accompanying article. My heart ached to see the smile shining brightly on his beautiful face! Yes, I was only sixteen years old I adI adored him! I knew that I loved him more than any other girl ever POSSIBLY could and I felt this with every cell in my body!

He had betrayed me and the sad thing was… he didn’t even KNOW it!

Tears slid down my cheeks as I pulled out an envelope from my desk drawer and tucked my reality check in the form of a trashy magazine article safely inside. I needed nothing further to point me to the truth. Without him even realizing it, he’d shown me exactly what I needed to know - that I really didn’t need anybody at all. I could only and forever depend upon myself and I’d not make the foolish mistake of letting anyone inside my heart ever aga

I hated him in that moment yet I hated myself even more!

Walking to the window, I pressed my hands flat against the cold glass and looked outside, watching as the rain fell heavily to the ground. Why did it remind me so much of the way I felt inside???