Ode To Lemon
Ode To Lemon
By animechick262003
InuYasha walks into the forest immediately his eye falls to KIKYO!!!
“InuYasha you came!" She exclaims as she runs to him taking him into her embrace.
“Feh-Lets not waste time. Kagome should stumble on us in matter of minutes. If we plan to run her into the arms of another, we must give her something good to look at before she runs to (?) Don’t know this fic, but let’s get to it.
InuYasha pushes KIKYO against the tree as he kisses her cold, dry lips hungrily.
His kisses are really passionate he really misses me thinks KIKYO.
HMMM she tastes like ramen. Chicken flavor to be exact, thinks InuYasha as he deepens the kiss savoring the flavor.
InuYasha moves his hands pushing up Kikyo’s robe to reveal AN ENTIRE LEG!!!! Hurriedly she tugs at his hakama pushing them down around his legs revealing his flaccid length. Eagerly he thrust himself iher her inviting…cold…dry…Painfully dry passage Inuyasha thinks as he scream out in pain.
“She feels like a god damn bag of cement.” Inuyasha curse as he turns to me
Me: And well she should. she’s made of dirt you idiot
InuYasha: Yeah, but you’re writing this shit. Add moisture for Pete’s Sake!!
Me: That’s right I am, and if you don’t be quiet, I’ll write that her passage feel like razors
Inuyasha: oO;
Unfortunately Kagome is near by and hears the entire thing. Kagome burst through the bush into the clearing to find our dastardly hanyou along with the puppet once miko
*ERRIE PSYCHO MUSIC PLEASE*
KIKYO!!!
*SCREEN SWITCHES REALLY FAST BETWEEN INUYASHA, KAGOME AND KIKYO, FINALLY ZOOMS IN ON KAGOME AS VIOLIN BEGINS TO PLAY*
“INUYASHA HOW COULD YOU!?” Kagome cries as she runs TWO WHOLE CLEARINGS AWAY. She stops blinded by tears. No, really she’s blinded by tears , her mascara wasn’t water proof.
KAGOME: Damned drug store mascara
"I feel your pain." a figure says Just as she collides with it. Kagome eyes move up to see non other then
DOM…DOM…DOM...DOM!!!!!
THE LORD OF THE WESTERN LANDS…LANDS….LANDS…LANDS
Kagome: Really? you feel my pain? I would never have thought you to be sensitive SESSSSSSSSHOMARU" she purrs
Sesshomaru: Yess I too have had to deal with DRUG STORE MASCARA. The cheap stuff is no good." he finishes as he turns to stare wistfully at the sky. He turns to face her again this time in
SLOOOOOOW….MOOOTI…ON
Kagome is suddenly struck with an epiphany. Why was she wasting her s time with the stupid hanyou who got his rocks off with cement? When she could have his CROSS DRESSING BROTHER
*Strange soap opera music chimes in as a commercial comes on*
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NOT FEELIN FRESH TODAY. I KNOW. I HAVE THAT PROBLEM TOO. WHEN I AM FEELIN MY WORST, I TAKE A BATH OR SHOWER WITH SOAP. SOAP THE BEST WAY TO FEEL CLEAN
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*Strange soap opera music chimes in as a commercial goes off*
Kagome is suddenly struck with an epiphany. Why was she wasting her s time with the stupid hanyou who got his rocks off with cement? When she could have his CROSS DRESSING BROTHER
DOM…..DOM….DOM...DOM!!!
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CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON KAGOME THEN SESSHOMARU AND BACK TO KAGOME
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“What ails you woman? I smelled salt, water, and tears. Did my stupid half breed for a brother hurt a frail ,delicate,angelic, beautiful ,gorgeous,magnificent………………………………One day later…………stupendous, miraculaous……………………………………..
……………………………………Three days later………wonderful……sensational marvelous…………Sensitive flower with his lust of walking dust? Sesshomaru questioned his voice rising out of anger
Kagome: o_O;
"Before you answer human flower of beauty, and frailty, I must ask a question." of you Sesshomaru said as he walked in close to Kagome. His hot breath engulfing her being Sending her into shock
“Hai.” Kagome responded “but only if you back up first” Kagome said handing THE LORD OF THE WESTERN LANDS….LANDS…LANDS ..LANDS A STICK OF BIG RED.
“Thanks my magnificent flower. You see I have set here for hours with the most unusual of dilemmas. Does my hair look better up or down? Is my blush too red? Am I the sexiest Bishie alive?”
Kagome: o_O;
“Ah yeah so, anyway your brother sucks. You are far more superior then him in brain and looks and strength and…and…and you know I think your hair looks better up. It really shows off how graceful your neck is.
“Really? you have excellent taste wench. For that compliment I LORD OF THE WESTERN LANDS…LANDS…LANDS, will give you one whole night to writhe beneath me until you fall into unconsciousness. How’s that for pleasure?”
“YES! Oh great lord of the western LANDS…LANDS…LANDS. Take me of little experience and turn me into your carnal slave.
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English Translation……SCREW ME SENSLESS!!
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Hours later
Kagome and Sesshomaru lay naked on his fur tail boa thingy as Kagome puffs on a cigarette.
"That was amazing I’ve never had that happen before” Kagome says “You have left me completely speechless.” She says as she stares at Sesshomaru who appears intrigued with his member
“HMMMMMMMM… I lord of the western LANDS….LANDS…LANDS…LANDS have never had this sort of problem before.”
“Yeah, right fluffy! Who are you kidding?” Kagome says laughing hysterically as she reaches for a magnifying glass.
“If you place that infernal gadget near me once more I will end your life. Besides it’s not funny, it’s really cold out. He doesn’t like the cold.” He whimpers as he rolls over burying himself within his fur pelt.
“Ah come on I promise if I look hard enough I’ll find it this time. Just a wittle peep..puweese?” Kagome ask
“No your mean!” Sesshomaru barks
“Are you positive you’re not a girl?” Kagome ask “I mean it rather small to be classified as a penis, don’t you think?”
“For the thousandth time I am a the lord of the western
LANDS….LANDS…LANDS..LANDS
ME: *Turns to special effects guy* would you stop with the echo already *Turns back to PC now where was I
“Hahahahahaha…more like lady…..hahahaha Is it Lord Sesshomaru or LADY SESSHOMARIA?…...HAHAHAH”
“That’s it ,you die!” The lord formally known as Sesshomaru now known as SESSHOMARIA growled as he/she jumped off the ground ready to assume his/her true form
At that moment InuYasha rushes through clearing to find
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EERIE PSYCHO MUSIC
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NUDE SESSHOMARIA AND KAG!!!!!
“FEh- what in the hell are you doing with my brother?” Inuyasha says angrily
“I wasn’t with your brother, I was with your sister” Kagome retorts angrily
“Feh-What in the hell were you doing with my sister?” Inuyasha growls
“Now see here I am not a girl.
“Be quiet! No sister of mine is going to deny herself!” InuYasha barked
“SHE SEDUCED ME!!!” Kagome responded
“I did no such thing!” The sister formally known as Lord Sesshomaru now known as LADY SESSHOMARIA responded in her his/her defense
“What kind of sister are you?” InuYasha questions as he turns to face his sibling “PUT SOME GOD DAMN ClOTHE ON. NO SISTER OF MINE IS GOING TO WALK AROUND FLASHING HER GOODS!!!!” InuYasha growled as he shooed ….The sister formally known as Lord Sesshomaru Now Known as LADY SESSHOMARIA BEHIND A BUSH.
Sunddenly a cloud of dust whirls in. It is none other then KOUGA!!!!!
KOUGA: In the flesh. Flashes readers a pearly fang
“What the hell do you want wimpy wolf?”
“Well Dog Turd, technically because you pissedome ome off with running off with
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ERRIE PSYCHO MUSIC AS SCREEN ZOOMS IN AND OUT FAST
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KIKYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“I get to run off with Kagome for a few days.”
“No, actually I am next to run off with said fair maiden of extraordinary beauty.” mysterious figure says as a person draped in a baboon pelt appears from behind a tree.
“I have been watching you Kagome.” Figure starts in once more “My desires for you are like a hot iron to a curl. I burn.”
Kagome: o_O;
“Feh- I don’t care what your desires are Kagome belongs to me!” InuYasha barked
“Wrong Dog boy, Kagome belongs to me”
Suddenly the LADY SESSHOMARIA FORMALLY KNOWN AS lord Sesshomaru appears from behind bush dressed in Kagome’s school uniform.
“Hey ,those are my clothe!” Kagome barks as she tackles Lady Sesshomaria formally known as Lord Sesshomaru to the ground.
“Hey get off my sister!!” InuYasha barks as he rushes to Lady Sesshomaria formally known AS lord Sesshomaru aid
“Yeah, get off his sister Kouga and Naraku growl as everyone rushes to help Lady Sesshomaria formally known as lord Sesshomaru .
Kagome stands aside as all three men wrestle over LADY SESSHOMARIA.
“Hey someone groped my ass.” screams Lady Sesshomaria
“Who touched my sister’s ass?” Yells Inuyasha
“Ahem. "says Naraku and Kouga pointing to InuYasha hand that’s planted on LADY SESSHOMARIA bottom.
“Oh, Inuyasha says grinning “yeah didn’t realize.”
KAGOME, NARAKU, KOUGA: o_O;
“So are you going to introduce us to your sister dog turd?” Kouga question as he eyes Sesshomaria
‘
"I am not a woman”
“Denial? I like denial. I can make you change that song” Naraku says as he moves in on LADY SESSOHMARIA formally Lord Sesshomaru
“Touch me and you die” Growls LADY SESSHOMARIA formally lord Sesshomaru
“Is that a threat or a promise Lover?” Replies naraku
“Touch me and find out”
“Me first"says Kouga
Every one stares as Kouga disintegrates to dust: o_O;
“InuYasha we’re through!” Barks Kagome as she turns to walks away
“Kagome wait” says InuYasha as he reaches out bringing Kagome to his embrace
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IN COMES WEIRD SOAP OPERA MUSIC
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“Kagome , I know I hurt you with Kikyo. Driving you into the arms of Seshomaria, but I love you. You’ve got to know this. I mean When I am with Kikyo we screw, but when I am with you, we make love,”
“Oh, InuYasha” Kagome cries “How could I have been so foolish. I will never leave your side again.”
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awww
Say the audience a they pass around box of Kleenex
“Inuyasha lets go home.” Says Kagome
“Yes lets” Responds InuYasha
AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE END