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Not Your Keepsake
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InuYasha › Yaoi - Male/Male › InuYasha/Sesshōmaru
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
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5,323
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
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Category:
InuYasha › Yaoi - Male/Male › InuYasha/Sesshōmaru
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
5,323
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.
Not Your Keepsake
Not Your Keepsake.
Summary: Sesshomaru claims & cages Inuyasha. But Inuyasha doesn’t feel claimed and he doesn’t want to be caged. He wants to be loved. Inside Inuyasha’s head as he goes through the love, lust and turmoil he feels all because of Sesshomaru.
Okay ppl, here it goes. ENJOY!
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I am breathing his air. And his smell and the smell of our “love- making.” I am hearing his heart beat, calm and steady. I am being pressed against his chest and I am warm and loved or so I should think and content or so I should feel. I can feel his fluids flowing down my thighs. It’d coated my insides just moments before. My neck is still throbbing with his mark and I can smell blood from all the wounds we’d made in our heated rut. I am tired and boneless. My cock like his cock is limp and sated. He is asleep. Yet I am not. I cannot. Unlike other times when after our lovemaking I'd be lulled to sleep, cosseted in his arms but I am not now. Because, tomorrow he'd be leaving me. At dawn he'd wake up and take me make me come mark me with his cum, he will threaten me unnecessarily to not let anyone touch me, will make me promise unnecessarily to wait for him then take me again and then he'll be gone. Gone got days, for months and sometimes even years. And I'd be waiting. Not knowing if tomorrow, coming spring, or next winter he'd appear before me. With out a word, with out any messages for all the suffocating nights and days he'd be away from me, leaving me alone, all alone in this forest that no one ever dares to come. I wouldn’t know. And I cannot even ask when he'd be coming back.
He’s the ruler of the western land. The Inu dai-youkai. The most feared and respected, the most powerful. And I am inu-hanyou. The hated degraded child of the father we share. I am supposed to be the ruler of the eastern land. But that doesn’t matter to me. So, yes we are half brothers. Related by our powerful father's blood that flows in our veins, by color of our eyes and hair. And, I am his lover, his secret lover. And what we commit is sin. It’s abomination. It is filthy even to speak about it. And yet... …
He has a wife. The "lady" of the Sesshomaru. Heh. As his duty to his kingdom he must borne an heir to continue our line. It’s understandable and I never speak a word of resentment to him. Though I rage inside for having to share him with his bitch. His bitch. But I can’t leave him as well. I will die is as much as a fact that he'd kill me if I ever do is. I am claimed. I am his. That’s all I should know. That’s all I should think.
And yes, it is enough many times. It was enough all these times we'd be together like this. But it's not enough tonight and it won’t be enough for all the nights he'd be gone. I am tired of living in hiding. Tired of being ‘the second.’ Tired of being ‘the taboo.’ I am tired.
I leave his warmth, his cradle and walk to the window, look out at the sky. It’s burning like my heart, my insides. The stars twinkle restlessly like I do. And faraway, a wolf howls in longing, calling for its long lost mate. I will howl too in the days to come. I will too.
The parted curtain lets the moonlight flow inside this cage that is both haven and hell for me. The moonlight falls on him. He is beautiful. So, beautiful that it is sin. And the power that lurks in those pale lifeless looking limbs make him the predator he is. The irresistible predator everyone is bewitched with. If it weren’t for my ears and the marking that I don’t posses we'd be quite alike in a glance. If it wasn’t for the human blood that runs in my veins I'd be equal to him in strength. But no, not of heart. He has the heart of a ruler. He can be cruel and I cannot. I am weak. I have a heart of a human.
He stirs in bed. Everyone looks innocent in their slumber. Innocent and defenseless. But not him. No, not him. I look outside again and the stars are the same, the darkness the same. Now I don’t know if I want to look at the same sky or the sky that will slowly be eloped by light. I don’t know if I can embrace this cage that promises me a piece of haven every now and then. I don’t know. And suddenly I want him to leave. I want him to leave now. Immediately. I can’t wait for the night to end. I can’t bear to see him lying in that bed that he is mostly out than in. I cannot see that body of his that touches not only me but that bitch too. The bitch that he can proudly show to the goddamn world. I am not the only one he calls 'pup'. There’s his child too. His blood. His pride. His heir. I cannot. I cannot. A sudden impulse arises in me and I want to run. Run and run and run without looking back without a thought in my head, without his smell in my skin without his mark in my neck. I wanna run till I can no more. Till I can not breathe. And never ever look back. But I don’t. I know if I even take two steps outside this hut with out telling him first there will be hell to pay. Its not that I am afraid but I don’t even have the strengths to try out my impulses anymore. I am not what I was before.
Sometimes a thought strikes in my head and makes me wonder if he is making me feel all the pain and humiliation that his mother felt after our father married my human mother? Is he making me feel how it feels to be replaced, to be the second for the person that you give not only your life but the rights to your death too? I wonder... …
If only I could scream and cry. If only I could howl this rue till my throat’s parched and my heart bursts. If only I could bring myself to hurt him... tear at him and tear at myself till I cant stand…these white curtains would bleed red with not a hint of this taunting whiteness. But I cannot. I am helpless.
I feel his eyes on my back. I hear his breathing has changed. He’s awake. But I don’t turn to him. I cannot make myself to run to him and lie down against his intoxicating heat. I cannot. I am vulnerable now. I am like a frozen lake, a small shrill can shatter me to pieces. I don’t want him to see that he has broken me beyond repair.
"Inuyasha." Damn it! Damn it all to hell! Damn him to hell! My name on his lips, my skin answers him with shudders. I am shaking. I am shattering. I will not turn.
"Inuyasha." That goddamn stoic voice of his! "Turn to us, now!" If I was what I was before he'd break me, I'd tell him to fuck off for ordering me around. But now, my cock shivers and my body aches to obey. But I don’t speak. Not tonight. I don’t turn.
A swish of air and he's against me. Pressed tight against my back. His hand in my hair. Not cosseting. But gripping, fisting it. Hurting me, dominating me. I am hit by his strong musk and the smell of our rut. His warmth and his breath against my cheek my neck. My body absorbs his heat like desert the water. He is awake. So is his cock. "You won't ignore us, hanyou. You won’t!"
No, I won’t. How can I? How can I when he's around me even when he is not. How can I when he is inside me even when he is not, when every breathe I take it is for him, everything I smell it smells of him... my...my... my whole fucking existence is his! How can I then? But I don’t tell him that. I just press myself again him, closer and grind my ass against his cock. My insides are feeling empty again. Fill me brother with your thick warm sin. Fill me till my heart will burst free. Fill me.
I feel his hands reach down and part my cheeks and there's the stretch and the burn of his entry. Which one is the first I do not know. I do not care. And the hand in my hair tightens even more that it stings oh so sweetly and my face is pressed, abrade by the wall and my walls are abraded by his cock. Full. Till the hilt. He is in me. Even then I don’t speak a word.
He caresses me with his breath. Kisses me with his teeth. And my skin cries with blood. My blood tries to replace the tears of pain that my eyes couldn’t cry. And my cock is hard and it is beginning to hurt but he doesn’t move. I wonder if he takes her this way too; pushed against the wall with out looking at each other face, each others emotions. Does he hurt her too like he dies to hurt me or is it only me that he takes like he'd die if he cannot? Is he gentle with her? Does he whisper words of love to her? I do not know. I do not want to know.
"Say it" He tugs at my hair.” Say what you want! Say who's doing this to you. Say it!" He punctuates all his demands with a thrust. And it is a piece of haven in hell. Oh god. When can I say no to him? When? When can I say to him that it hurts, it hurts in between my chest. When? When can I say that I don’t want this to be ‘sin.’ When?
"Fuck me" My voice is foreign to me. His claw breaks my skin. "Fuck me...my brother" This is not me that is speaking. This is not me who is begging to be fucked by his own brother. No, this can’t be me.
"Say it again!"
"Fuck me brother. Aniki....ah fuck me please..." I can’t help it. I need him like a drug. Even if I deny it with all the words that I know, with all my strength, my body and my heart knows that I need him. I need him like a drug. He moves and my cock rubs against the wall. It’s the pain I welcome.
"Sesshomaru..." I am sobbing now. My body is trembling and my voice it comes out like a weak, weak cry. He twists my nipple and I arch against him. When can I say to touch me gently? When can I say kiss me tenderly? I do not know.
Is it me that is shaking so vigorously or is it the wall? His hands are everywhere and he's taking me with the same force and passion that he always does. Nothing is different for him. Nothing. I am the same hanyou brother that he keeps in the middle of nowhere inside this thick rain forest that he comes and visits whenever his cock itches and then leaves without a kind word, without a promise. I am the same old hanyou brother that needs his cock, revels and shivers at his cruel words that is nothing to him than a sin that he enjoys. But tonight, this time it is different for me. It is.
In and out, in and out. It is the rhythm that I won’t ever forget. In and out in and out and the sounds oh the sounds and his smell, this lust. And our blood. My claws tear at the wall and I feel he is lifting me by the hips, thrusting deeper, more cruelly than it was even possible.
And I want it to be over now. I have tasted my share of hell and now I want the heaven that was promised to me. I want it to be over now.
"Please...Ani... please...Ani...make me...." I cannot say what I want. I am tired of begging.
"Complete it" He accentuates with a cruel push in. Please don’t make me beg, please. Fuck you. Ah. FUCK. "...ngh I want to cum... make me... cummm...! Please." The chuckle against my ear is merciless. His hand finds my abraded cock and he tugs at it mercilessly again. I am already arching. Giving him all. I am already lost. I am losing my essence... and my spine rings with the pleasure and my eyes see stars even when they are closed shut and in this mind numbing pleasure I curse, I curse with all the cruelty in my heart that I can muster that he'd be haunted by my scent, my body and my cum drenching his hands would never ever wash away. And I cum. surprisingly very hard. And my eyes, my eyes drenches finally with tears that I'd waited for far so long. My claws leave the wall and I swipe it against his thigh ... it bleeds! Finally... I make him bleed…
And soon he follows. Marking me. Drenching me with sin. He doesn’t ask why I was standing there looking at the sky. Why there were tears in my eyes? I know he can smell it. He doesn’t. He pulls out and carries me to the bed. It’s an order to sleep… …
And I know tomorrow he'd be leaving me. I know at dawn he'd wake up and take me, make me come, mark me with his cum, he will threaten me to not let anyone touch me, will make me promise to wait for him then take me again and then he'll be gone. Gone not for days, for months and sometimes even years. I know...
But this time I am not sure if those promises and threats would be unnecessary. And this time I am not sure if I'd be here waiting... waiting for him to come back. Whenever that may be... No, I am not sure.
========
AN: It seems I am obsessed with monologues. I am planning a sequel and it would be Sesshomaru’s monologue when he returns and doesn’t find Inuyasha. Sounds interesting? Tell me what you guys would like to read ‘kay? Please review. Feedback is so fucking important you know. It’s a blessing, blessing I tell ya!
Summary: Sesshomaru claims & cages Inuyasha. But Inuyasha doesn’t feel claimed and he doesn’t want to be caged. He wants to be loved. Inside Inuyasha’s head as he goes through the love, lust and turmoil he feels all because of Sesshomaru.
Okay ppl, here it goes. ENJOY!
-------------
I am breathing his air. And his smell and the smell of our “love- making.” I am hearing his heart beat, calm and steady. I am being pressed against his chest and I am warm and loved or so I should think and content or so I should feel. I can feel his fluids flowing down my thighs. It’d coated my insides just moments before. My neck is still throbbing with his mark and I can smell blood from all the wounds we’d made in our heated rut. I am tired and boneless. My cock like his cock is limp and sated. He is asleep. Yet I am not. I cannot. Unlike other times when after our lovemaking I'd be lulled to sleep, cosseted in his arms but I am not now. Because, tomorrow he'd be leaving me. At dawn he'd wake up and take me make me come mark me with his cum, he will threaten me unnecessarily to not let anyone touch me, will make me promise unnecessarily to wait for him then take me again and then he'll be gone. Gone got days, for months and sometimes even years. And I'd be waiting. Not knowing if tomorrow, coming spring, or next winter he'd appear before me. With out a word, with out any messages for all the suffocating nights and days he'd be away from me, leaving me alone, all alone in this forest that no one ever dares to come. I wouldn’t know. And I cannot even ask when he'd be coming back.
He’s the ruler of the western land. The Inu dai-youkai. The most feared and respected, the most powerful. And I am inu-hanyou. The hated degraded child of the father we share. I am supposed to be the ruler of the eastern land. But that doesn’t matter to me. So, yes we are half brothers. Related by our powerful father's blood that flows in our veins, by color of our eyes and hair. And, I am his lover, his secret lover. And what we commit is sin. It’s abomination. It is filthy even to speak about it. And yet... …
He has a wife. The "lady" of the Sesshomaru. Heh. As his duty to his kingdom he must borne an heir to continue our line. It’s understandable and I never speak a word of resentment to him. Though I rage inside for having to share him with his bitch. His bitch. But I can’t leave him as well. I will die is as much as a fact that he'd kill me if I ever do is. I am claimed. I am his. That’s all I should know. That’s all I should think.
And yes, it is enough many times. It was enough all these times we'd be together like this. But it's not enough tonight and it won’t be enough for all the nights he'd be gone. I am tired of living in hiding. Tired of being ‘the second.’ Tired of being ‘the taboo.’ I am tired.
I leave his warmth, his cradle and walk to the window, look out at the sky. It’s burning like my heart, my insides. The stars twinkle restlessly like I do. And faraway, a wolf howls in longing, calling for its long lost mate. I will howl too in the days to come. I will too.
The parted curtain lets the moonlight flow inside this cage that is both haven and hell for me. The moonlight falls on him. He is beautiful. So, beautiful that it is sin. And the power that lurks in those pale lifeless looking limbs make him the predator he is. The irresistible predator everyone is bewitched with. If it weren’t for my ears and the marking that I don’t posses we'd be quite alike in a glance. If it wasn’t for the human blood that runs in my veins I'd be equal to him in strength. But no, not of heart. He has the heart of a ruler. He can be cruel and I cannot. I am weak. I have a heart of a human.
He stirs in bed. Everyone looks innocent in their slumber. Innocent and defenseless. But not him. No, not him. I look outside again and the stars are the same, the darkness the same. Now I don’t know if I want to look at the same sky or the sky that will slowly be eloped by light. I don’t know if I can embrace this cage that promises me a piece of haven every now and then. I don’t know. And suddenly I want him to leave. I want him to leave now. Immediately. I can’t wait for the night to end. I can’t bear to see him lying in that bed that he is mostly out than in. I cannot see that body of his that touches not only me but that bitch too. The bitch that he can proudly show to the goddamn world. I am not the only one he calls 'pup'. There’s his child too. His blood. His pride. His heir. I cannot. I cannot. A sudden impulse arises in me and I want to run. Run and run and run without looking back without a thought in my head, without his smell in my skin without his mark in my neck. I wanna run till I can no more. Till I can not breathe. And never ever look back. But I don’t. I know if I even take two steps outside this hut with out telling him first there will be hell to pay. Its not that I am afraid but I don’t even have the strengths to try out my impulses anymore. I am not what I was before.
Sometimes a thought strikes in my head and makes me wonder if he is making me feel all the pain and humiliation that his mother felt after our father married my human mother? Is he making me feel how it feels to be replaced, to be the second for the person that you give not only your life but the rights to your death too? I wonder... …
If only I could scream and cry. If only I could howl this rue till my throat’s parched and my heart bursts. If only I could bring myself to hurt him... tear at him and tear at myself till I cant stand…these white curtains would bleed red with not a hint of this taunting whiteness. But I cannot. I am helpless.
I feel his eyes on my back. I hear his breathing has changed. He’s awake. But I don’t turn to him. I cannot make myself to run to him and lie down against his intoxicating heat. I cannot. I am vulnerable now. I am like a frozen lake, a small shrill can shatter me to pieces. I don’t want him to see that he has broken me beyond repair.
"Inuyasha." Damn it! Damn it all to hell! Damn him to hell! My name on his lips, my skin answers him with shudders. I am shaking. I am shattering. I will not turn.
"Inuyasha." That goddamn stoic voice of his! "Turn to us, now!" If I was what I was before he'd break me, I'd tell him to fuck off for ordering me around. But now, my cock shivers and my body aches to obey. But I don’t speak. Not tonight. I don’t turn.
A swish of air and he's against me. Pressed tight against my back. His hand in my hair. Not cosseting. But gripping, fisting it. Hurting me, dominating me. I am hit by his strong musk and the smell of our rut. His warmth and his breath against my cheek my neck. My body absorbs his heat like desert the water. He is awake. So is his cock. "You won't ignore us, hanyou. You won’t!"
No, I won’t. How can I? How can I when he's around me even when he is not. How can I when he is inside me even when he is not, when every breathe I take it is for him, everything I smell it smells of him... my...my... my whole fucking existence is his! How can I then? But I don’t tell him that. I just press myself again him, closer and grind my ass against his cock. My insides are feeling empty again. Fill me brother with your thick warm sin. Fill me till my heart will burst free. Fill me.
I feel his hands reach down and part my cheeks and there's the stretch and the burn of his entry. Which one is the first I do not know. I do not care. And the hand in my hair tightens even more that it stings oh so sweetly and my face is pressed, abrade by the wall and my walls are abraded by his cock. Full. Till the hilt. He is in me. Even then I don’t speak a word.
He caresses me with his breath. Kisses me with his teeth. And my skin cries with blood. My blood tries to replace the tears of pain that my eyes couldn’t cry. And my cock is hard and it is beginning to hurt but he doesn’t move. I wonder if he takes her this way too; pushed against the wall with out looking at each other face, each others emotions. Does he hurt her too like he dies to hurt me or is it only me that he takes like he'd die if he cannot? Is he gentle with her? Does he whisper words of love to her? I do not know. I do not want to know.
"Say it" He tugs at my hair.” Say what you want! Say who's doing this to you. Say it!" He punctuates all his demands with a thrust. And it is a piece of haven in hell. Oh god. When can I say no to him? When? When can I say to him that it hurts, it hurts in between my chest. When? When can I say that I don’t want this to be ‘sin.’ When?
"Fuck me" My voice is foreign to me. His claw breaks my skin. "Fuck me...my brother" This is not me that is speaking. This is not me who is begging to be fucked by his own brother. No, this can’t be me.
"Say it again!"
"Fuck me brother. Aniki....ah fuck me please..." I can’t help it. I need him like a drug. Even if I deny it with all the words that I know, with all my strength, my body and my heart knows that I need him. I need him like a drug. He moves and my cock rubs against the wall. It’s the pain I welcome.
"Sesshomaru..." I am sobbing now. My body is trembling and my voice it comes out like a weak, weak cry. He twists my nipple and I arch against him. When can I say to touch me gently? When can I say kiss me tenderly? I do not know.
Is it me that is shaking so vigorously or is it the wall? His hands are everywhere and he's taking me with the same force and passion that he always does. Nothing is different for him. Nothing. I am the same hanyou brother that he keeps in the middle of nowhere inside this thick rain forest that he comes and visits whenever his cock itches and then leaves without a kind word, without a promise. I am the same old hanyou brother that needs his cock, revels and shivers at his cruel words that is nothing to him than a sin that he enjoys. But tonight, this time it is different for me. It is.
In and out, in and out. It is the rhythm that I won’t ever forget. In and out in and out and the sounds oh the sounds and his smell, this lust. And our blood. My claws tear at the wall and I feel he is lifting me by the hips, thrusting deeper, more cruelly than it was even possible.
And I want it to be over now. I have tasted my share of hell and now I want the heaven that was promised to me. I want it to be over now.
"Please...Ani... please...Ani...make me...." I cannot say what I want. I am tired of begging.
"Complete it" He accentuates with a cruel push in. Please don’t make me beg, please. Fuck you. Ah. FUCK. "...ngh I want to cum... make me... cummm...! Please." The chuckle against my ear is merciless. His hand finds my abraded cock and he tugs at it mercilessly again. I am already arching. Giving him all. I am already lost. I am losing my essence... and my spine rings with the pleasure and my eyes see stars even when they are closed shut and in this mind numbing pleasure I curse, I curse with all the cruelty in my heart that I can muster that he'd be haunted by my scent, my body and my cum drenching his hands would never ever wash away. And I cum. surprisingly very hard. And my eyes, my eyes drenches finally with tears that I'd waited for far so long. My claws leave the wall and I swipe it against his thigh ... it bleeds! Finally... I make him bleed…
And soon he follows. Marking me. Drenching me with sin. He doesn’t ask why I was standing there looking at the sky. Why there were tears in my eyes? I know he can smell it. He doesn’t. He pulls out and carries me to the bed. It’s an order to sleep… …
And I know tomorrow he'd be leaving me. I know at dawn he'd wake up and take me, make me come, mark me with his cum, he will threaten me to not let anyone touch me, will make me promise to wait for him then take me again and then he'll be gone. Gone not for days, for months and sometimes even years. I know...
But this time I am not sure if those promises and threats would be unnecessary. And this time I am not sure if I'd be here waiting... waiting for him to come back. Whenever that may be... No, I am not sure.
========
AN: It seems I am obsessed with monologues. I am planning a sequel and it would be Sesshomaru’s monologue when he returns and doesn’t find Inuyasha. Sounds interesting? Tell me what you guys would like to read ‘kay? Please review. Feedback is so fucking important you know. It’s a blessing, blessing I tell ya!