Making It Better

Sensei 12/08

Author's Note: Written for my imouto-chan Mythnlynx as part of the Secret Santa fun at the LJ comm inuholidays. She wanted some Hojo/Kagome adult fic with a focus on "relieving tension," and this dark scenario came to mind. It differs from my usual style and tone. I think it has a certain bleak power I'm proud of.

Making It Better

When had guilt turned to curiosity and curiosity to determination? Certainly, Inuyasha was no help. "Leave the idiot alone," he told Kagome as they watched Hojo slowly walk his bicycle down the sidewalk outside the school.

"But he looks so sad…all the time now," Kagome said, biting her lip.

"Eh, he'll find someone of his own, sooner or later," Inuyasha scoffed. Then, "C'mon, Kagome, I'm hungry." He had been waiting for hours, sitting on the school roof in that confining cap, chasing pigeons, and imagining the taste of ramen…and other things. That the wonders of Ninja food could be had so easily in Kagome's era was a non-stop, mouth-watering delight to him. But since they had begun -- tentatively at first and now more eagerly -- to explore the wonders of each others' bodies, bowls full of rich, steaming noodles came in a definite second to arms full of soft, warm flesh.

"He was so sweet to me, Inuyasha. And I treated him so badly," Kagome continued. Her sympathy was real, growing, like her maturity, in proportion to the love that had finally blossomed openly between her and the hanyou. Now that Inuyasha, and with him the rapture of young romantic love, was at last hers, Kagome's heart swelled, allowing her to truly take in the wonders of life around her for the first time. And perhaps something more. "I need to do something for Hojo," she said, determination in her voice.

Inuyasha groaned. He knew that tone. It was the same one that took pleasure in commanding him to sit. His ears drooped beneath the hat, as did his expression. His hunger would have to be sated with ramen for now. Lovemaking was going to have to be put on hold until his miko had what she wanted. "I'm gettin' lunch," he said with a shrug and stalked off. Let Kagome figure out how to deal with her stupid guilt. He'd meet her back home where he'd get Mrs. H to satisfy his stomach.

"Ok," she said, forgoing the good-bye kiss because they were in public. As Inuyasha walked off in one direction, Kagome followed Hojo in the other. She noted the pair of girls who stood nearby, pouting in his wake. She recognized them only vaguely, but she was so often away from school now that it would have surprised her to actually know any of his admirers anymore. Yet he always had them. He had always been so kind, so considerate, and handsome too -- in his safe, proper way. Why had he not replaced her in his affections? It had been several months since she had summoned the courage -- and the trust in Inuyasha's ability to pass for human (as a pop music performer, of course) -- to introduce Hojo, and her girlfriends, to Inuyasha. She proudly presented him as her fiancé and Inuyasha only flinched a little at the word.

So, Hojo knew now, and he no longer sought her out. For a time, he still paid respectful visits to her family, bringing the occasional herbal remedy for her alleged illnesses, perhaps hanging onto the hope that she truly was ailing and not just running off and risking her future by skipping classes only to spend time with her strange betrothed. But then that ceased, too. Eventually, he no longer spoke to her at school when she was in attendance. When she said hello, he replied with a forced cheerfulness that stung her heart, especially as the false smile faded as he went on his way. Kagome would turn to watch him go and see the gentle light in his eyes replaced by a cold, almost defiant glare that could not help but remind her of Inuyasha's in those first, tense days of their quest.

Feeling responsible for this change, Kagome experienced the desire -- the need -- to comfort. And perhaps, if she was fully honest with herself, something more. This new, wretched Hojo gave her a glimpse of hidden depth within him, a spark of fire she never would have suspected was there. With characteristic rashness, Kagome called out Hojo's name and ran to catch up with him.

"Good afternoon, Higurashi-san," he said, pausing, the artificial smile appearing but not reaching his eyes.

"Hojo-kun," she said, smiling warmly in hopes of melting the blank gaze she evoked from her former suitor. It was all her fault, and she must make it right. "Are you prepared for your examinations?" she asked, with false cheer.

"Does it give you pleasure to torture me, Higurashi-san?" Hojo replied, as calmly as if he were actually answering her question.

Kagome's mouth dropped open. "I…I…N-no, Hojo-kun!" she sputtered. How could he think such a thing? Speak to her in such a way? She only wanted to help!

"Your lies disgust me," he whispered, eyes narrowing to slits.

Kagome gasped. That look -- from a Hojo she did not, could not know -- burned through her. She shuddered. And unexpected wetness pooled between her thighs. "Please, Hojo-kun," she whimpered. "Can't we…talk? I…I want to…fix this."

"Fix this?" he mocked, his mouth twisting into an angry smile. "You tore out my heart and threw it back in my face for your pretty-boy rock star. How do you plan to 'fix' that?"

"I don't know," Kagome said, shaking her head, her cheeks red and her whole body flushed with shame. "I'm…sorry."

At those words, Hojo's expression softened. His eyes were still cold, but the hostility that made her shake and burn inside was tamed, at least for the moment. "No, iI'm/i sorry, Higurashi-san. I shouldn't talk to you this way. What's done is done. Good bye, Higurashi-san."

There was a firmness, a confidence in his voice, along with that edge of anger. As he turned to go, Kagome knew she should, too. But she couldn't. "Hojo-kun," she said, softly, "can we go somewhere and…talk? Please?"

He turned and fixed her with that strange hard stare again. It froze her in place, kept her from breathing.

After long, silent moments, his eyes turned away and, over his shoulder, he offered, "All right, Higurashi-san, but not where others can overhear. My parents are at work. We can go to my house."

That she had never been to Hojo's home and that he would suggest such a thing now made Kagome's heart race. It was not appropriate, but then, nothing about this was appropriate. And yet she did not hesitate to follow behind, quietly and obediently.

Their heels clicked along the pavement; his bicycle wheels ticked as Hojo pushed it along beside him. His back was firm and straight and he did not turn even once to look at Kagome or see that she was keeping up. Kagome felt humbled and small yet resolved. Somehow, this was going to turn out right. She would make it so. But exactly what "right" entailed she did not yet know.

It was not long before they turned up the walk to Hojo's door. The house was unassuming, small and plain with a tidy little garden and large windows. He parked his bike and walked to the door. He unlocked it and paused without turning for a minute that felt like forever to Kagome. Would he turn her away now? Perhaps he should. Perhaps she should go. She saw the tension in his shoulders tighten, then at last release. He turned the key and pushed the door open; he stepped back and looked at Kagome. "Come in, Higurashi-san."

Kagome nodded her head and stepped inside. She removed her shoes and put them on the little mat at the door. Hojo did the same. He walked down the little hallway ahead and said, "I could make tea." His voice was flat, expressionless.

"Thank you, Hojo-kun. But you are too gracious already. Maybe I should go?"

He turned to face her, and his expression was unreadable. "No," he snapped. Then his voice softened: "Let us go into the front room…and talk."

The energy was shifting and Kagome, sensitive to the auras of others in the Feudal era, was at last summoning that mature gift and beginning to more effectively read Hojo. He did want her to stay. He was, as he always had been, drawn to her. And his newfound determination compelled her. He turned from his path to the kitchen back up to the front of the house, and Kagome quietly followed the slender boy down the hall and into a room with a sofa, several chairs and little tables, all decorated with a soft, feminine hand. There was a large bouquet of flowers on an end table and delicate sketches of lotus and cherry blossoms on the walls. "This room is lovely, Hojo-kun," Kagome exclaimed.

Hojo extended a hand to encourage her to sit. He smiled a little and shrugged. "My mother enjoys decorating." Then, he walked to the large window and half-closed the blinds. "We can have some privacy this way," he explained.

Kagome nodded, a little knot beginning to tighten in her stomach. Hojo's eyes looked so darkly adult in the soft shadows of the gently lit room. Kagome shivered as the boy sat down beside her.

"What is it you wish to say to me, Higurashi-san?" he asked, his voice quiet and calm while his eyes danced with heat and passion.

Kagome's voice was a whisper: "Please, Hojo-kun…"

"Kagome," he whispered back, then took her mouth with his. The kiss was clumsy but powerful, his lips warm and soft as they parted hers and his tongue plunged inside.

Stunned by her own naïveté as much as Hojo's ardor, Kagome's body went limp, her mouth unresisting. Hojo's hands went immediately to her blouse, unbuttoning it with resolute if inexperienced fingers. Was it shock, guilt, or curiosity that kept Kagome from fighting him? Neither answered the question in word or deed, as Hojo reached inside the shirt and the plain white bra to fondle and squeeze her breasts with his cool, firm hands. Hojo grunted his pleasure into her mouth as Kagome's breath left her in a rush.

Hojo pushed Kagome back onto the sofa with the force of his kiss, and while one hand continued to knead her breast eagerly, the other delved lower and sought a way into her panties. Kagome at last made a soft sound of complaint, but Hojo devoured it with his zealous lips and at last found his prize. Around the little elastic band his fingers wound their way to find the soft curls and slick entrance. He pushed two fingers roughly inside and found her wet and yielding here, too. His cock throbbed in time with his thrusting fingers and Kagome's soft sounds. He would not stop until she yielded all.

Refusing to break the oral embrace that seemed to fuel his action without thought of consequences, Hojo withdrew his fingers and undid his pants, releasing the thick shaft he knew only too well from nightly masturbation to thoughts of this very moment. In truth, the moment differed significantly from this urgent madness, but right now that was unimportant. Kagome was his, was not fighting him or rejecting him or agreeing to go on dates she had no intention of showing up to because she was off with her white-haired freak. No, Kagome was here now, wet and his for the taking. And take her he would. From his hunched position, tongue still probing Kagome's mouth as he listened to her soft whimpers, he pumped his cock, feeling its heat and rigidness, secure and strong in his fist. He leaned forward and aimed it blindly at his target, pushing her panties aside again and rubbing to find entrance.

But something stopped him at the moment when his sensitive, dripping head met her warmth. He broke the kiss with a gasp and looked down at Kagome's face. She was pale and open-mouthed. He waited. She did not speak, just panted, holding his gaze, her eyes truly unreadable to the confused youth. Was this what he wanted? Was ishe/i what he wanted?

As if in slow-motion, Hojo rose, tucking away the monster that was even now wilting away with his determination to claim Kagome. He stood, looking down at the disheveled beauty of the girl as she watched him with wide eyes.

"Hojo-kun?" Kagome whimpered, indecision still in her voice and her eyes. In her heart as well. She did not love Hojo. She loved Inuyasha. Then why had she allowed this to go so far? And why had Hojo stopped?

"Please go, Higurashi-san," Hojo said, his eyes finally turning away. No, this was not what he wanted. Nor she.

Kagome sat up, suddenly fully aware of her wanton posture, the disarray of her clothing. Hastily, she righted her garments and stood before Hojo, this boy, this stranger who had always been a stranger. And she had just nearly allowed him to… With a final glance at his downcast face, she fled to the door, slipped into her shoes, and escaped down the walkway.

Who she truly was and how she would face Inuyasha now was a silent torment in her heart as she slowly walked home.