Helplessly, Hopelessly, Recklessly

Helplessly, Hopelessly, Recklessly
By: l0ver


Chapter 1

Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart,now?
Why would you wanna make the very first scar?
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?

A clawed hand gripped the back of my neck as I stared at Inuyasha. This was it, it's time. A part of me is glad that it happened like this, you know? Sesshomaru's deathly grip on my neck, being forced to stand beside kikyo. But there is no more stalling, no more brushing me aside, it's life or death. So, who's it going to be? I wanted to scream, to tell him to pick me, to save me, but I bit my lips, and lowered my head. Who was I kidding? This isn't a game, you only get once chance. How can i compare my petty three years to his first ever love?


Maybe I should've seen the signs, should've read the writing on the wall.
And realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall.
No matter what you say, I still can't believe
That you would walk away.
It don't make sense to me, but


As I stood there, looking into those golden eyes I've loved for what seemed like years, I could feel my heart break. Slowly.. painfully. His eyes darted back and fourth between us, confused, panicking.

"Don't make me wait mutt," came the chilly voice behind me. He took a panicked step towards kikyo.

At that moment, I knew what his decision was. If he truly loved me, or liked me, at all, it wouldn't take this long to answer. It isn't love if you have to question it. His first instinct was still, to go to kikyo. I lost, I was just not good enough

I grabbed kikyo's arm and slowly held it up in front of her. Come get her.


"Looks like the wench made the decision for you."


Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart, now?
Why would you wanna make the very first scar?
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?


I've been taught all my life to have confidence, to be strong. Mama raised a woman with a good head on her shoulders. At times, I do believe that, I really do. But when it comes to ..him .. I try again and again to convince myself that i'm an independant woman .. one that can live with or without men. But I believe that if you worked hard enough and long enough for something, you will get what you deserve. Is this what I deserve?

Did I not work hard enough? Was I in the way during battle? Did my ramen taste bland? Did I not smile enough when as I watched you go see her every night? Was my complaining irritating? I still have scars from all the blisters on my foot from when we'd walk all day and night. Do you know that inuyasha? Do you how hard it is to live each day? Do you know how it feels like to leave three precious teen years behind, to fight everyday? I was suppose to go to prom, I was suppose to go with a guy who would love and adore me. I was planning to go to university.. get a job, and support my family. Mama's getting older everyday, do you know that inuyasha?

It's not unbroken anymore.
How do I get it back the way it was before?


As Sesshomaru pushed Kikyo forward, I closed my eyes and waited for death.

Death .... I almost laughed, everyday I fight for my life, and it never crossed my mind.

But the pain never came, instead, I was lifted up and carried away. I have always dreamed of things like this, being swooped off my feet and carried away by my prince charming .... just like a princess.


But this, this is reality.

I could hear inuyasha's screams from the distance, but I knew he wouldn't come after me. I looked up at sesshomaru, I didn't struggle, didn't protest. Struggle for what? Freedom to go back to inuyasha? To go back to my family, with ...nothing? I don't care where Sesshomaru was taking me, what he was planning to do. I just .. don't care.

So I stood, mind blank.
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart,now?


I can feel my spirit dying, the fire that was once in me, dimming.


What's love? Butterflies in your stomach? When you feel like your legs have turned to jelly everytime you're around that special someone? I scoffed.

Inuyasha...three years.. three long years. Did it mean nothing?

Why would you wanna make the very first scar?
Why would you wanna break, would you wanna break a


I live everyday, hoping that one day, my feelings would be reciprocated. I live off that glint in your eye when you look at me. I live off your protectiveness, the times when you make me feel wanted and safe. I live everyday to see you. I stood by your side through it all because I thought ........ because I wanted to.

Yes, all this happened because I couldn't let go. It's all my fault. I saw it coming, but ran head first.

I felt like crying, but there are no more tears. I willed myself to cry, to let it all out. But I couldn't, i'm dying on the inside.

Maybe I should've seen the signs, should've read the writing on the wall.
And realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall.


As we flew in the air, I looked around, aimlessly.

I tried to be like her, I did everything that was against my beliefs and morals, just so I could have you. I bite my cheeks everytime I see the look on your face after you went to see he then I would cry silently in my bed. I smile the next day like nothing was wrong. Have you ever wondered why my eyes were so puffy and red? I kept the feelings and problems to myself, I didn't want to be a burden. My body is scarred from all the injuries. Now no one will ever look at me. I lost everything, how can I face mama? ... Love shouldn't hurt, but i'm dying. You are my first love. The pain will never be forgotten. But the times.. when you would laugh at me when I trip and fall, or when you would give me a smirk when we have sucessfully killed a demon together, even if it was just my imagination ... I will never forget them.

A tear trailed down my cheek ...and off my chin, many others followed.

Mama ... I miss your warmth ..

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AN: Hey guys ... I know this story sucked.. and it's short compared to my other story. I just needed to get some angst outta my system. This isn't the best, so i'm pretty sure there isn't going to be a lot of reviews, but you know. Feedback is appreciated. This is just .. a quickie, don't take it seriously? And the grammer and mistakes.. please spare me. I have no beta, or any high tech application that edits my work. Only Wordpad. so...yeah:) Ciao.