Falling Away

Chapter 1 Happiness, Shock and Pain


I couldn’t tell you what started it off precisely, but I am guessing it was around the time of the final battle with Naraku. Archenemies and rivals joined forces to accomplish a common goal – the destruction of that manipulative, malicious Hanyou known Naraku. I fought alongside both Kouga and my older half brother for three solid days before that wretched demon drew his last breath. When the dust settled and I grasped the completed Shikon no Tama in my hand, I found that my heart’s desire had changed. Becoming a full demon was no longer what my soul yearned for…

“What are you going to wish for?” asked Kagome quietly, attempting to hide her curiosity as she tended to the wounds Miroku sported from the battle.

I found my eyes locked on the jewel for I don’t know how long, just gazing pensively into the iridescent depths, before I came to my decision. Shouting for Kagome, the girl lifted her head to look upon me as I tossed her the jewel. When it landed in her outstretched hand, I watched, as it was immediately absorbed back inside her body. Everyone present just gaped at me, dumbstruck.

“What are all of you gawking at?” I shouted, knowing full well why they were all staring at me with astonishment.

I saw Miroku and Sango shake their heads in disbelief; Kouga mumbled something that ended with me being called a mangy mutt and if I wasn’t mistaken, (because it was so fleeting) a smile graced my brother’s face before he took his leave of us, disappearing from sight and into the forest surrounding us. I was almost tempted to go after him and ask him if I had seen what I thought I saw, or if it had been a brief illusion, but thought better of it as I recalled the terms of our relationship outside of this temporary alliance. Walking up to Kagome expecting a warm reception at my decision, I received something that merely served to confuse me instead. As I approached the young Miko I could see her eyes gleaming with unshed tears.

“What’s wrong Kagome? Why are you crying?” I reached out for her, but before I could touch her she bolted for the woods. Moving to go after her, I found myself quickly stopped by Miroku’s arm on my shoulder, and I watched as Sango sprinted off after her. I could still hear her sobs and sniffles as well as Sango’s soothing words and questions as to what was wrong. Just about to tune out their conversation and allow them their privacy, I heard the one phrase that would haunt me for years to come…

Through choked sobs and panting breath I heard Kagome’s words. “I thought he would wish to be human so he could be with me. How could he be happy being what he is?”
With tears threatening to break free I turned around to head into the forest, only to run immediately into Kouga, the look in those serious blue eyes of his told me that I was not the only one that had heard Kagome’s comment.

“For what it’s worth Inuyasha, I’m sorry…” He offered considerately, bringing his eyes to meet mine, the usual hostility absent from the demon’s gaze.
“Sorry for what?” asked Miroku while looking back and forth between Kouga and I, obviously confused, as his human range of hearing had not allowed him to pick up Kagome’s comment.

I thought, between Miroku’s innocent confusion and Kouga’s perceptive and pity filled stare, that I was going to fall apart right where I stood. Instead I broke the intense and uncomfortable gaze with Kouga and bounded through the treetops as fast as my battle-weary legs would take me. I didn’t know where I was going; all I knew was I had to get away before I my inner destruction became an outward one.

“What’s up with him? Miroku asked of Kouga. “What were you sorry about?”
“I was sorry that he had to find out the hard way that, even after 500 years and countless lifetimes, some souls are still un-accepting.”

It took Miroku a few moments to catch the full meaning of Kouga’s words; once he did he asked him what they had heard. When he relayed Kagome’s words, the Houshi’s face was filled with uncharacteristic anger and menace. He couldn’t believe that after all of her talk about not being Kikyou or anything like the un-dead priestess she could behave in such a manner and say such a thing. After all he had been through with her and for her, it was hard to believe that she still wanted to change what he was, which meant she really didn’t care about who he was. Miroku stood to head in the direction his Inu-friend had taken off in when Kouga spoke up.

“Where do you think you’re going monk?”
“To find my …”
“Stay put.”
“But-”
“-He needs some space right now, if he wanted anyone around he wouldn’t have taken off into the woods like his haori was on fire. You need to leave him be.”

“I suppose you’re right, I just hate to see him hurt like that and there’s nothing I can do.”

“Who’s hurt like what?” a voice asked from behind the wolf and the monk, Miroku turned around to see Kagome and Sango standing just outside the ring of trees. He noticed Sango was no longer playing ‘comforter’ to the girl from the future and wondered if the Slayer was as upset with the Miko as he was.

Kouga observed the heated look the Houshi was throwing Kagome and he knew the next few moments between them were not, in any way, going to be pleasant.

* * *
“He heard you,” Miroku all but snarled at her through clenched teeth.
“Heard what?” Kagome asked, feigning naivety as she approached him.
“Inuyasha heard your question regarding how could he be happy being what he is. Now I have a question for you, Kagome. How can you be happy being what you are?” Miroku asked of Kagome, still not turning around to face the girl.
“What do you mean?” asked Kagome as she looked at the people surrounding her. “Why do all of you look upset with me, what did I do?”

“You know damn well what you did!” screamed the Houshi as he whirled around to point an accusing finger at the dark haired Miko.

“I don’t need a lecture from a lecherous, would-be monk, on how I should feel! Gods you’re starting to sound like Sango, you two have no idea what I would be facing if I continued on with this relationship with Inuyasha and him being…”

“Being what Kagome? Himself? The same person that has saved your life, our lives, more times than I can recall. The same person that gave up the one thing he has sought after for decades because you assured him, time after time, that he didn’t need to become a full demon or human because you were happy with him the way he was.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth Miroku. True I did say he didn’t need to become a full demon but never once did I say I didn’t want him to become normal!”
“So I guess this would make me abnormal and not up to your standards as well wouldn’t it Kagome?”

Everyone looked to Kouga with a barrage of expressions on their faces. The wolf leader was looking at Kagome with an icy stare that would unnerve even the Lord of the Western Lands with its chill. They stood there, caught in the tension of the moment until Shippou came bounding up to the group shouting. Kouga tore his gaze from Kagome, but not before narrowing his eyes and giving her a look that conveyed the fact that this discussion was far from over.

“What is it Shippou?” inquired Sango as she picked up the hysterical little fox demon trying to get him to calm down and make some sense.
“It’s Inuyasha!” shouted the little fox.
“What about him?” Miroku asked.

At that point Shippou started shouting and jumping around not making much sense at all.

“Hey, calm down little guy why don’t you take a deep breath and start from the beginning.” Sango suggested gently to her hyper little friend.

(Flashback from Shippou’s POV)

While playing down by a stream further out in the woods with Kilala both our heads shot up when we heard what sounded like trees falling, curious we took off to find the source of the noise. The closer we got the stronger the scent of Inuyasha grew. Reaching what was now a large clearing amongst the trees, I saw him uprooting, slicing into and tearing down everything within reach. When we slowed our approach cautiously, and took a good look at him I could see the tears streaming down his face. Worried, I thought of the only thing I knew of that could make Inuyasha cry like that.

So darting over to him, I braved speech, asking what was wrong with Kagome-chan. Stopping what he was doing, he looked at me with self-wretchedness.

“Nothing is wrong with Kagome,” he answered sullenly, “something’s wrong with me…” Slightly confused at his answer, I asked him what was wrong with him. In a show of uncharacteristic emotion, he picked me up and hugged me tightly.

“Even if I don’t always show it Shippou…I love you like a father would a son,” as his words still echoed in my mind, he set me down, heading further into the woods. I shot after him, running behind, trying to tell him that I knew that already and for him to stop and come back to camp with Kilala and me. When he finally did stop, he turned to me with tears glistening in his eyes. “A Hanyou exists to be alone,” he muttered desolately, leaping off into the woods.

(End of Flashback and Shippou’s POV)

As Shippou finished relaying the events to them, everyone present was exchanging worried looks when they were again interrupted by Shippou’s frantic shouting.

“What’s wrong with Inuyasha, Kagome? Why was he crying like that? Why did he leave?” asked the kitsune as he looked up from his spot in Sango’s arms at Kagome with pleading eyes.

All could tell the Miko was at a loss for words and far be it from Miroku to let her off the hook even in front of the little fox demon.

“Why don’t you tell him Kagome? What are you waiting for?”
“It’s nothing for you to worry about Shippou.”
“I beg to differ.” The monk snipped.
“Nobody asked you!” she shot back.

Shippou was beginning to notice the tension among the group and the amount of negativity directed at Kagome. Just as Miroku was about to reply Shippou cut in.

“I’m asking you Kagome.