Loneliness

In the darkness of a cold autumn night, a solitary figure sat upon his throne, which, on this night, was the base of a large tree on the edge of a clearing, gazing expressionlessly into the sky. Any random passerby would have presumed that he was merely pondering the beauty of the stars.

He knew better.

He doubted that such simple things would ever again hold value for him. Happiness was a thing that for him no longer existed. For every minute of every day since her death less than a year before, he had tortured himself for his inability to save her from a fate to which she was destined all along.

Even after all this time, he was still unsure of just how the pretty, young woman with the sun-kissed raven hair and powerful, emotive brown eyes managed to get so close to him over the years. Somehow, it has always felt like she belonged there, with him, ever since the day she happened upon his broken and battered body over twenty years ago. Her smile, acceptance and unrelenting devotion completed him, a fact he did not truly realize until she was gone. Now he was profoundly aware of the sudden emptiness.

Sesshoumaru shivered slightly as a gust of exceptionally cold air suddenly enveloped him and sent chills down his spine. She was so warm, he thought. He had never put any real thought into the concept of warmth or the lack thereof before he met her. He had certainly never noticed it in regards to his person until the night she came to him, seeking his love and, albeit unknowingly, offering him salvation.

He remembered everything about that night. The sound of her voice softly asking him to be the one and only one to show her what it was to know love. The piercing look of desire in her eyes as she asked and his inability to deny her wants. The feel of her soft lips and the way his blood coursed through his veins like fire when they shared their first kiss. The fascination in discovering her skin was the softest thing he had ever touched. The overwhelming sensations that devoured him as two became one. Above all else, he remembered the most important moment of his centuries of existence.

The moment every wall he had ever built came crashing down and he knew only her.

The moment he finally found the power he sought his whole life.

The moment he finally realized what love was.

The moment she saved him from himself.

He had never been very emotive, even as a child. Emotions had simply been unnecessary; however, as he lay beside her that night, adrenaline still coursing through him, he had never felt as invigorated . . . as powerful . . . as alive . . . as he did at that moment. He needed nothing else; he was finally free. This fragile, delicate wisp of a creature had set him free. He could not help but smile at the young woman sleeping comfortably in his arms.

Yet here I am now . . . a slave to this pain that knows no end . . . this longing for her that makes me wish for death. How ironic.

He closed his eyes as the memory forced a single tear to escape from his amber eyes and trickle down his cheek; the only evidence of his having emotion at all quickly swept away with a brush of his hand. Perhaps happiness was not a part of the path Fate had chosen for him. Perhaps her death was his punishment for the countless sins of his past. He could not be sure.

Beyond pain, he knew only one other thing.

Her death was his fault.

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A/N: This is my first fanfic; I hope you like it so far. The story itself will only be about four chapters total. Comments and reviews are greatly appreciated!!

Thanks,

Maya