The Anime Tabloids Vol. 1 #1 The Inuyasha Edition

The Anime Tabloids

Sango Sues Miroku for Sexual Harassment.
Sango the demon slayer is suing the monk Miroku for sexual harassment for fondling her ass to many fucking times and for asking any beautiful woman to bare his children. Sango had this to say to our reporters. “I find Miroku’s perverse behavior towards me and other women sick and totally uncalled for. It’s time for someone to take a stand against Miroku’s perverse behavior and have him thrown in prison for life without parole.”
With this in mind, our reporters interview the accused pervert and hedonist lecher Miroku for his jackassed opinion on this case against him.
“Look, I think this lawsuit has gotten way overboard. The way Sango acts one would have to wonder if she isn’t a man hating lezbo who has the hots for Kagome and wouldn’t know a good time if it licked her on her clit!” Sango- “I heard that you fucking basterd!” Miroku- “Hay! I’m sewing you for assault you fucking bitch!!!” Sango- “FINE! You Cunt Hungry Son of a Bitch!!!”

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Inuyasha Admits That He Was Kidnapped By ET’s.
The abducted told our reporter of his odd and harrowing experience. Inuyasha- “God it was hell! Kagomes! Kagomes everywhere!” Reporter- “And what did these aliens want with you?” Inuyasha- “They… they wanted to play with my ears! And they did… (crying now) they ppplllaaaiiieeeddd wwiitthh mmmyyyy eeaarrsss… WHAH!!!!!”
Reporter “There, there. Everything is okay now. Is there anything else these Kagome aliens do to you?” Inuyasha- “They licked and nibbled my ears which turned me on and then I fucked them all. But at least the sex was great.” Kagome- “I heard that Inuyasha!” (Inuyasha sees Kagome.) Inuyasha- “Oh god no! Here it comes!” Reporter- “Here what comes?” Kagome- “Inuyasha……..
SIT! SIT! SIT!!
Inuyasha- “Ow, ow, ow!” Reporter- “Yes, a truly dark and vastly disturbing ending to a very truly dark and crazily odd and disturbing incident involving aliens and abductions.”

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Sesshomaru’s Secret Life As A Man-Whore!
Within the last few days our reporters have been following a rumor that Sesshomaru is selling his body to pay for care of his adopted daughter Rin. We asked some of the women he’s satisfied. Kagome- “Well Inuyasha hasn’t given me any and he did fuck all those aliens. So I call this even. Besides Sesshomaru knows what to do to satisfy a woman.” Sango- “At lest he doesn’t grab asses and ask every girl he sees to bare his kid. But I would Love to Grab his ass and See him Bare Naked instead. Growl!”
Here is what we found out from Sesshomaru’s pimp Jaken.
Jaken- “Look desperate times call for desperate measures, right. So when we started to run out of food and clothing for our poor Rin we had to do something and there are so many lonely women out there that need their sexual needs met. So ladies if you interested in the services of my lord Sesshomaru just look for our ad in this issue of the Anime Tabloids. Any fantasy made real for your pleasure, all your holes filled.

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Privet Sources Have Revealed Naraku’s Secret Plans When He Has All the Shikon Jewel Shards.

Our mysterious source says that when Naraku gets the jewel in its complete form, he will open a chain of pizza restaurants that specialize in mushrooms and pineapples. Yes folks you read this right, pizza restaurants that specializes in mushrooms and pineapples! Unfucking believable. And when we asked our source if Naraku had a name for his restaurants, the source gave us the name. Nutty Naraku’s Pretty Pizza Place. If Naraku wasn’t scary before, he sure will be now!

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Want Ads
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Wanted. One Tetsusaiga sword. Will pay top dollar. Ask for Sesshomaru.
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Wanted. The remaining shards of the Shikon Jewel. I will not kill you. Ask for Naraku.
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LOST: One little brother by the name of Kohaku. There is a very huge reward if he is returned to me. Ask for Sango.
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Wanted. House keeper. Preferably with own vacuum. Ask for Kaede.
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Wanted. Female demon pussy to mate with pet. Ask for Sango.
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For sale. One very handsome monk. Will sell my body to any lovely women who want children. Need money to pay off future court costs and random lawyers fees. Desperate! Will do any kinky, sick, perverse sexual thing for money!!! Demand me… Miroku, Sexual Stud for hire!!!!

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Does your dog or demon dog need obedience training? I will teach your puppy how to …SIT!!! Save pennies on the dollar with Kagome Higurashi’s Dog Training Academy. Ask for Kagome.
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Ladies, are you lonely? Does you’re man not appreciate you? Does he expect you to wait on him hand and foot while he does nothing for you? Is your man a limp dud in bed, cumming before you are even sexually satisfied? I can change all that. I can satisfy your every sexual desire and your every physical need. I can make your every fantasy a reality. I’ll be your darkest fantasy, your ultimate wet dream come true. I know what you want… I know what to do to you get wet and to get you off.
I am the Lord of the Western Lands. A demon lover like no other.
I AM……Sesshomaru
Call me for a hot and sexy time!!!
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Wanted. A beautiful woman who would love to be a mommy, who loves little girls, who can tolerate frog looking imp demons. Must want a long and secure monogamous relationship. A dog lover is an absolute must. My dear adopted daddy needs a good woman so he can stop being a damn manwhore. Ask for Rin.
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Wanted: A body guard. Must not like Inuyasha. Must like Kagome. Ask for Shippo.
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Looking for a job where I can piss off Inuyasha and can hang around with Kagome. Will work for food and to avenge my fellow wolf demon’s deaths from Naraku. Ask for Koga.
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Wanted: Souls of the deceased. Money is no object. Need these souls as soon as possible. Ask for Kikyo.
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Wanted. A long vacation. A new girlfriend. A new group of friends. A better group of archenemies to hate and beat the shit out of. A nicer and more loving older brother. No guys trying to steal my girlfriend. And the Shikon Jewel, so I can tell everybody I know to go FUCK THEM SELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ask for Inuyasha.

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This is our new advice column will take place. But since we don’t have any questions here yet all that Anime Tabloids can do is ask for some questions from our readers for our vast network of cartoon characters to answer. And as a special bonus, you the reader can pick the cartoon character of your choice to answer your question. How about that!?! Cool huh. So get crackin’ an ask our guys and gals some questions.
Thank you for your support, The Anime Tabloids.

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Inuyasha: Is that it?
Miroku: I guess so.
Inuyasha: Humph, and here I was expecting more.
Sango: Well it is the first issue. Give it time, it will get better.
Inuyasha: Yah, right.
Kagome: I hope someone will ask me a question. Especially about their love problems.
Inuyasha: Humph, you wish. Like you can keep your own love life in check!
Kagome: What does that suppose to mean?
Inuyasha: You Know Exactly What It Means!
Kagome: Inuyasha, SIT! SIT!! SIT!!!
Rin: Doggy man fell down the hole.
Jaken: My, my. Isn’t that a deep hole?
Sesshomaru: Serves you right Inuyasha. At lest Kagome knows where her muff is buttered.
Miroku: Hold it right there Sesshomaru! I have some issues with you!
Sesshomaru: Such as?
Miroku: You’re the one who convinced Sango to sue me! And it is because of You that every pretty girl I meet is rejecting me because they have been sexually satisfied by YOU!!!
Sango: MIROKU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! (Slamming her boomerang on Miroku’s head and we see Miroku knocked out.)
Sango: Did he bother you any Sesshomaru?
Kagome: Oh, our poor baby.
(We see Kagome and Sango walk up to Sesshomaru and snuggle up to him.)
Sesshomaru: I’m fine ladies. Let’s go back to my place for a hot threesome.
(We see Sesshomaru leave with Kagome and Sango.)
Jaken: Alright! Money, money, money, money, money!
Rin: Somebody please answer my ad for a mommy! I need one NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shippo: Hay! I know. Why don’t we ask the lady who writes the Anime Tabloids? She might make a wonderful mother for you Rin!
Rin: Yah, You might be right Shippo!
Shippo: Hay lady, be Rin’s mom.
Rin: Please!!!!!!!!