This is Gonna be a Pain in the Ass

A/N 9/11/09 The story has not been updated for quite a while, obviously, but it is not abandoned! It will be finished...just may take a little bit. Sadly, Life has been extremely crazy in Twisted Land for a while now, but I'm hopeful that things are starting to finally calm down. If you are curious what has been written recently, I always put the % completed up on my profile here at AFF. Until this is finished, however, feel free to enjoy what's written. :-)

A/N
So, here it finally is, the sequel to ‘This is Gonna Be Fun.’ I’m sorry, updates may be slow, as I’m working a lot on another story, but…you waited long enough, so I decided to put this out even though I don’t have a lot written that I’m happy with.

If you haven’t read my other story, you’ll enjoy this one a bit more if you trot on over and do that. Promise. This’ll make more sense that way, anyway! As usual, I welcome any reviews…always nice to know I’m not just writing to myself, eh? Oh, if you care to review and don’t have an account, you can email me at writetalk@gmail.com!

Oh, the conscience/Inuyasha dialogue will be slightly different, formatting-wise, for the first chapter. It’ll go back to the familiar pattern once I get back on my ‘good’ computer!

This is Gonna Be a Pain in the Ass


Chapter 1 – But I wanted to do it!


Everyone turned in surprised concern as Miroku suddenly yelled and dropped to his knees in the middle of the road. Sango was at his side instantly.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, growing more frantic as he hunched over cradling his arm. He shoved her away so violently that she fell.

“Get back!” he yelled.

Standing up angrily, Sango stormed back over to him. “Miroku, what’s wrong!”

“Get back!”

Inuyasha and the others surrounded them both by this point, and Miroku turned to look at Inuyasha.

“Get everyone away, Inuyasha! It’s – “ he clenched his teeth in pain a moment. Inuyasha took one look at the monk holding his right wrist, his face the picture of agony, and he leapt forward to grab Sango, scooping up Kagome and Shippou at the same time as he leapt back and sprinted for the trees. Kirara followed, looking back at the monk crouched in the middle of the road behind them as she went.

Inuyasha could just make out Miroku’s whispered ‘thank you’ as Sango started yelling in his ear, hitting at him to let her go. He held on tightly, trying to ignore the pain in his chest as he raced away from his doomed friend. It went against every instinct he possessed to leave his Miroku alone at a time like this, but he’d promised the stupid monk that he’d do this for him. They knew the kazaana could consume him at any time, and Miroku’s worst fear, the one that Inuyasha knew haunted him with nightmares, was to be consumed before everyone could get away. He had been terrified that he would die knowing he’d killed everyone he loved.

After a particularly bad nightmare one night, the stupid houshi had nagged Inuyasha until he’d promised that he’d make sure everyone was safe. Miroku’s faith in his speed and ability to move quickly enough to get everyone to safety in time was absolute. He supposed he should be flattered that the man hadn’t had another nightmare about it since then; but right now, all he could think was that he was leaving his friend to die.

He’d always hoped he’d never have to actually carry through on his promise. Dammit all to the human hells…it shouldn’t have to end like this! They should have been able kill Naraku before this happened! He howled silently in his head, mourning the loss already.

He stopped when he thought he was far enough away, letting Kagome drop to the ground even while he held onto Sango as tightly as he could. Kagome had figured out what was going on, but Sango was still trying to get back to Miroku.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Let go, you ass, Miroku’s in trouble!” She pounded at him fiercely.

“It’s too late, Sango!” he yelled, holding on tightly and trying to ignore the betrayed look in the slayer’s eyes. “You know it’s too late…”

“No, it’s not. It’s not, let me go. He needs me!” Tears were already falling as she continued to struggle against Inuyasha’s grip, cursing at him in a continuous stream.

“Sango –“ Inuyasha’s sorrow laden voice broke through for a moment. “Please, he just wanted to die knowing you’re safe, Sango. Don’t take that away from him.”

“He can’t die.” She sobbed brokenly. “He can’t die now! “ She sagged in Inuyasha’s arms and he finally loosened his grip, letting Kirara come forward to support her grieving mistress as she wept into her fur.

Inuyasha finally felt free to turn back to Kagome, embracing her tightly as she and the kitsune she held cried quietly. He buried his face in her hair as he did his own grieving. The first male friend he’d ever had. The only one really…the kitsune was more like a brother than a friend…and he had to stand here as the man died alone and in pain. He was the one who ensured that his friend was alone.

*I’ll miss you, you stupid Houshi. May you find peace in the next life.*

He raised his head to look over his wife’s dark hair towards the road he knew was hidden behind the trees. From what Miroku had described, they would be able to see when his kazaana consumed him, even from this distance. The trees themselves would make so much noise from the winds alone that there would be no doubt. In a short while, they’d be returning to Miroku’s grave. He watched and waited, seeing nothing.

Minutes passed, and still nothing. No winds, no explosions, no sound or sight of the kazaana running out of control. Sango and Kagome had started hanging onto each other as they cried quietly. Shippou had stopped crying entirely and clung on Inuyasha’s shoulder, silent and frightened as he held onto the hanyou’s hair. After half an hour with still no sign of Miroku, Inuyasha was about to hand Shippou to Kagome and go check himself when he heard a telltale, metallic jingle coming their way through the trees. He froze.

“Miroku?” His yell startled everyone, and Sango’s head swung up, dark hope shining in her eyes.

“It’s me.” Miroku’s voice floated over the trees. Sango bounded to her feet and started running his direction before Inuyasha could say a word. He grabbed Kagome’s arm as she was about to do the same.

“You’re safe to be near?” He assumed so, but he wasn’t taking any chances with Kagome. She wasn’t going near the monk until he made sure.

“I – perfectly safe.”

The houshi sounded really strange. Kazaana probably got bigger, thought Inuyasha. The reminder of his upcoming death was affecting all of them. Nonetheless, he started grinning broadly. “I knew you were too tough to die yet!” he yelled, scooping Kagome up and running after Sango. They found him hugging Sango tightly as the couple kissed, ignoring the rest of them until they were attacked by the group en masse, everyone embracing the friend they had thought lost to them.

After everyone had a moment to reaffirm Miroku’s safety, Inuyasha stood back and looked at him a moment before smacking him in the head. Miroku and Sango both reared back in angry surprise.

“Don’t ever scare us like that again, you dummy!”

Miroku smiled while he rubbed the lump growing on the back of his head. “I’ll do my best.” He said. The slap was likely as close as his emotionally closed friend would get to saying he’d miss him.

“So what the hell happened?” Inuyasha asked, angry and a bit embarrassed.

“Did your kazaana get bigger?” Sango asked quietly, an arm around his waist as though she was afraid to let go.

“Not exactly. “Miroku said, and he held up his right hand awkwardly. “Actually, it’s a bit of a surprise.” He stared at his hand in silence until Inuyasha growled impatiently. Looking over at him, Miroku unwrapped his hand and aimed it at him.

“GAAAAH! “ Inuyasha grabbed Kagome and flung her behind him, flinching as he prepared to be sucked in, before he noticed the complete lack of wind. “What the fuck?” He stared at the monks unblemished, unwrapped right hand.

“It’s gone?? Your kazaana is gone?” he asked, amazed, before he got pissed off at how badly the idiot had scared him. “You dumbass! What are you trying to do, give Kagome a heart attack?!” He grabbed Sango’s arm and punched Miroku in the head, knocking him over. His grip on Sango’s arm kept her from falling on top of him. Wasn’t her fault her husband was a moron, after all.

Everyone looked at Miroku as he got back to his feet only to be knocked flat again as Sango shook off Inuyasha’s grip and leapt at him.

“Let me see!” she grabbed his hand while she sat on his stomach, touching the smooth skin of his palm. “Your hand. It’s… “ She swallowed and kissed the palm gently. “It’s beautiful, Miroku.” She looked at the beads grasped in his other hand and scowled at them. Grabbing the reminder of his years of pain, she swung her arm back to fling them away when Miroku covered her hand with his own.

“I’d like to hold onto these, if you don’t mind.” At her curious look, he smiled slowly and sat up to whisper in her ear. “I have plans for these, love. I’ll show you later on tonight, when we’re alone.” Sango blushed and Inuyasha rolled his eyes as he and Shippou shared a glance.

Near Death Experience, and the man still can’t stop thinking about sex, his conscience muttered.

*Perverted sex, knowing him. What the hell is he going to do with beads?*

Inuyasha smiled anyway, truly glad that the death sentence hanging over his friend’s head was finally gone, until one thought intruded.

“Hey, wait a second. If the kazaana is gone, doesn’t that mean Naraku is dead??”

“It has to, doesn’t it?” Kagome’s voice was happy and unconcerned.

“Naraku is dead? Dammit, Naraku is dead??” Everyone looked at him, obviously confused with his fury. “Don’t you understand? Naraku is DEAD!”

“Yes, Inuyasha, we comprehend. I would have thought it was cause for celebration.” Miroku was content to sit on the ground, arms around his wife as he looked up at the hanyou.

“It would be if I killed him! Some fucking asshole killed Naraku, and it wasn’t me!” he turned and kicked a hole in the nearest tree, raging. “Who the hell killed him? I am gonna hunt down that bastard and kick his testicles up into his nose!”

“Inuyasha!” Kagome’s voice made him flinch slightly. He thought it might be a while before that instinctive preparation for being sat would leave him. However, right now he was still pissed off!

“What? That’s what I’m gonna do, dammit! Crap, there’s only two assholes I know of who want that fucking bastard dead as much as we do!”

“Sesshoumaru and Kouga.” Miroku said calmly.

“YES! I will not be able to STAND it if one of those jerks killed Naraku before I got to! They’ll damn well lord it over me for the rest of my fucking life! Especially if it’s Sesshoumaru, stupid, icy, conceited Lord Supreme Asshole of the Western Lands. Dammit!!”

“Inuyasha, there’s nothing you can do about it.” Kagome said, laying a calming hand on his arm as he was about to kick another crater in the tree.

“I can find the ass and kill him!”

“Inuyasha, come on, just worry about it another day. Please? We should be celebrating. This is something we’ve been working towards for so long, and Miroku’s curse is gone. We should be thankful for that.”

“But what about the jewel shards Naraku had? And…”

“We were heading back to Kaede’s and the well when we thought he was still a threat, can’t we do the same for right now? We can look for whoever has his shards when we return, can’t we?”

Inuyasha humphed and crossed his arms, snarling silently.

“Please?” She reached up and rubbed his ear slightly and he found his head leaning sideways to enjoy it before he could stop himself.

“Uuurrgh, fine!” he yanked his head away. “Happy you’re not gonna pop off any time soon, monk.” He said grumpily to Miroku before turning around and glaring at the damaged tree.

*Kagome really doesn’t play fair these days.*

Yeah, but it’s kinda fun when she doesn’t, his conscience reminded him. You can ‘not play fair’ tonight, too, don’t forget.

*Huh, yeah. Okay, that works for me.*

He looked back at Kagome, still supremely annoyed that Naraku hadn’t died by his own hand, but hey, everyone else was happy. Happy meant less yelling, better cooking, and usually an early night as both couples looked for a way to be alone as quickly as possible. Celebrate the death of their enemy by celebrating the new life they could now look forward to. He could deal with that.

And he was still gonna hunt down whichever stupid glory whore had killed Naraku and hurt him so badly that he never tried to kill something that belonged to Inuyasha again!

Belonged? questioned his conscience. You know that makes it sound like you two were lovers or something, right?

*EEEEUUUUW! That’s disgusting! Take it back!*

Just calling it like I see it.

*Well you see it disgusting! Crap…is there any way I can trade you for Miroku’s conscience or something? Even his has got to have cleaner thoughts than you!*

Now that hurts. Truly, cut to the bone, I tell you. I may never recover from the pain.

*Oh cut the crap.*

Heh.

Looking at Miroku again, who was, surprise surprise, glomped onto Sango like a leech as they kissed as though no one else was watching, he closed his eyes and sighed. Honestly, every time he saw them like that he felt in danger of going blind just from the sight of it, although admittedly, if a naked Miroku hadn’t taken his eyesight, he was probably safe. And he really was happy for him. It was an awful thing, to know from the day you were born that you had so little time to live. Not that Inuyasha hadn’t had the same knowledge, but at least for himself there had always been a chance of survival, if he was strong enough or cunning enough to survive. To have death come to you no matter how much you tried to deny it…he always wondered if that experience had made the monk in to the man he was: pervert extraordinaire.

Inuyasha sighed again, mentally rearranging goals in his head. Kill Naraku – well, he couldn’t exactly check it off, ‘cause he hadn’t been the one to do it, but it couldn’t be a goal anymore either. How annoying was that? And yeah, he’d been hoping Naraku would die soon, especially when it came to thoughts of Kagome and vulnerabilities that came with being married, but he’d wanted to do it, dammit! No one else on his list had better die before he had a chance to kill ‘em, or he was going to kick some serious ass, that’s all there was to it.

Stupid Naraku, can’t even keep his sorry self alive long enough to die like he was supposed to!

Fucker.

He opened his eyes to see Miroku and Sango still kissing and smirked as Shippou finally got sick of the whole situation and pelted them with a mushroom. He’d have to bring the little runt something good back from Kagome’s time as a thank you. Or maybe he just wouldn’t pummel him as badly next time. Although it had taken them enough time to renew their vows three times over before Shippou’s interference, they did finally managed to get back on the road. Not that they’d make it to a village before dark, now. Outdoor camping again.

Good. At least he knew he could find time to be alone with Kagome if they were outside. And she always wanted to cuddle up more to stay warm that way, and lingered in bed longer in the mornings. He wasn’t about to ask for sissy crap like that, no way in hell, but if she wanted to do it, well, he could indulge her. It wasn’t a big deal, after all.

Oh you love it and you know it, his conscience chided.

*I just like to see Kagome happy.*

Yeah, and I’ve got an enchanted fish to sell you. Why you can’t just unbend a little and admit that you like all the soft and cutesy, mushy stuff with your wife.

*I do not!*

Hey, I like it. I’m not afraid to admit it!

*You’re a pansy.*

Fuck you! I am not! I bet there’s not a more masculine conscience in all of Japan, for your information!

*Do you REMEMBER wishing that fire rats had pink fur? ‘Cause I sure as hell do.*

I’m masculine AND I’m secure in my masculinity. Pink goes very well with silver hair, for your information. I was merely lamenting the loss of something that had the potential to get us fucking laid!

*Well, that’s not an issue any more, that’s for damn sure.*

Thank the Gods for small favors. Although we really need to get on the ramen…

*I know! Aren’t I going back to the future? Aren’t I? Braving death from Kagome’s family to do so, I might add!*

Okay, I’ll admit that you’ve finally grown a pair and are doing your duty towards your family.

*Huh?*

You’re working on making babies every chance you get.

Blushing slightly, Inuyasha cleared his throat and looked down at Kagome walking next to him.

*That has nothing to do with duty…*

Yeah, but I think I’m supposed to come up with some selfless explanation periodically or they take away my conscience membership.

*Huh?*

Or maybe I just like to fuck with you.

*That I’d believe. You’re a complete asshole.*

Learned from the best, what can I say.

*How about nothing?*

Just until you think something stupid again, jerk.

*Ass.*