Christmas at McDonalds

AN: Go ahead. Read it. I dare ya.

This was all Dreaming Trees' idea. I think.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any brain injuries incurred within.

Kagome looked over to see what Sesshoumaru Jr. was doing on the McDonald's kiddie playground and sighed. She'd brought Sesshoumaru Jr. to McDonalds in attempt to expose him to something more `normal' and boyish than the world of male modeling. The young boy was practicing poses in the Ronald McDonald funhouse-style mirror. Another boy who had been bouncing up and down in the ball pit paused to watch Sesshoumaru Jr. with wide eyes. "Sissy-boy," the boy taunted and shoved Sesshoumaru Jr. down in front of the mirror before he bounded off.

"Did you see what that ugly little boy just did to Sesshoumaru Jr.?" Kagome huffed as she watched Sesshoumaru Jr. primly pick himself up off the floor and begin to brush his clothing off. There was no answer from behind her and Kagome glanced around. Sesshoumaru appeared to be absorbed in fluffing up Jaken's hair.

"If you'll just put a little lift in the front like this, you'll be taken a lot more seriously," Sesshoumaru told Jaken in a knowing tone.

Jaken gave him a wink. "Maybe I don't want to be taken seriously, Sesshoumaru. That's your look - intense, brooding - mine is more laid back, you know as if I'm too busy pointing and laughing at all those serious people to give a damn about what they're doing."

Sesshoumaru nodded as if he'd just said something very wise and both men turned their attention back to Kagome.

"This is a nice dinner you've arranged, Kagome. I love sushi when it's done Ethiopian style. Nice place too, very...red. Red is so festive."

"But I didn't bring all this food, Jaken did-"

"Sesshoumaru's right," Jaken interrupted. "It's been so long since we could sit down and just have a nice, quiet family dinner together and I, for one, think it's a damn shame."

Sesshoumaru murmured in agreement between small bites of his brioche. "Do you think the waitress could get me some more of this? We should really do this every Christmas." Jaken waved his half-eaten brioche at two teenage girls carrying a tray of hamburgers and fries back to a booth. "Excuse me! More of this."

One of the girls told her girlfriend in a loud whisper. "I think that's Jaken. He's so hot right now."

"Yeah and aren't we supposed to exchange presents or something?" Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow in what he supposed was a fetching manner at Kagome. "I usually get a dozen roses and some new hair gel from Miroku. Why isn't he here this year?"

Kagome opened her mouth to snap at both men that it was mid-March, not Christmas, and that McDonalds didn't sell fucking brioche, which Jaken had brought with him in the first place, but she closed it quickly when she remembered the talk she and Miroku Ballstein had the week before.

"You've got to stop beating your head against the wall with these two. If they want spend Daddy-Daddy time with Sesshoumaru Jr., you should be happy about that! Some Dads never take the time," Miroku explained in a near-shout as he struggled to carry on a conversation with both Kagome and someone on the other end of his mobile.

Kagome wasn't convinced. "It's not that, Miroku, I just wish Sesshoumaru and Jaken would do something with him other than taking him shopping, to the salon or day spa. Something more masculine-"

"What the fuck are you telling me, moron! Do you know who the hell I am, who you're dealing with?" Miroku was shouting into his phone again.

"Like a ball game. Or the park. Something normal." Kagome knew that Miroku probably wasn't listening, but she needed to vent to someone.

"Is that the best you can do? For Christ's sake you're telling me that's the BEST you can do?" Miroku's eyes were bulging and his face was beet-red.

"It's as if Sesshoumaru Jr. has three mommies, Miroku. He needs a male role model who acts, you know, more .... manly. And Jaken and Sesshoumaru are always together these days and sometimes I feel like the third wheel."

Miroku was now fumbling with the buttons on his mobile and muttering under his breath as he tried to activate his call waiting. "Hi, Sango, yeah I know tonight's your brother's Bingo night. I'll be there, okay. Yeah, I'll talk to the neighbors about their barking dog. Yeah, I know I told you we'd get a leprechaun cut-out for the yard this year. I'll get it done, okay." He pulled the phone away from his head and grumbled, "Remind me why the fuck we moved next door to her brother in Jersey," to no one in particular.

"Miroku I just don't know," Kagome continued, oblivious to Miroku's other conversations. "Sesshoumaru and Jaken are even trying to teach him how to read. Sesshoumaru spells `boys' as `bois', it's just ridiculous. The only word they've taught him to spell correctly so far is `accessorize' I don't want my son to grow up to be a prissy, self-centered idiot who owns over a hundred different types of hair gel. Granted, an idiot that knows how to use each one."

That caught Miroku's attention. "Sesshoumaru Zoolander can spell accessorize?"

"Actually that was Jaken."

Miroku shrugged and gave her a hard look. "You know what your real problem is, Kagome? You feel intimidated by those two. Jealous even. You knew how it would be when you married Sesshoumaru; the money, the modeling, high fashion!" he gesticulated wildly. "I mean what woman wouldn't want any of that?" He paused and gave her a scathing once over, "Maybe not you, Mrs. Kmart."

"Hey, these are boutique clothes I'm wearing." Kagome tilted her chin up defiantly.

"Re-sale boutique, maybe." He shook his mobile in her face. "But my point is that you're a smart girl, sure, but your type is a dime a dozen and all of you are out there making chicken-scratch. Being smart isn't everything, having money and knowing how to deal with others who have money, now that's something."

Kagome didn't look convinced and Miroku tried a different tactic. "Listen. You take someone like Naraku. Smart guy, real smart. Regular mastermind. But did you fall for him? No. You fell in love with sweet, simple Sesshoumaru Zoolander who wouldn't hurt a fly. Well maybe if he would if he were brainwashed in a Day Spa to assassinate political figures." Kagome could've sworn she heard him chuckle under his breath before he continued. "Sesshoumaru and Jaken are both good guys. You shouldn't question them so much. They've done pretty well at life, haven't they? Could do much worse than to make loads of money doing what - how does Sesshoumaru put it `by being really, really ridiculously good-looking." And if being a rich idiot is good enough for his father then it's good enough for Sesshoumaru Jr.! You're just going to have to be the man here. Seems like that's a good role for you." Miroku turned away from her and quickly resumed the conversation over his cell phone.

"Just get your ass down there and fix this if you want to work in this city again..."

Kagome couldn't help but feel unsettled at the thought that she was taking advice from the greedy, lecherous male modeling agent, Miroku Ballstein. What had the world come to?

She remembered his bulging eyes and reddened face as he'd screamed into the phone, not actually attending to what she'd been saying anyway. Maybe she should see a shrink - did New Yorkers still do that? She could never keep up with that sort of thing. Half the time these days, she really did feel as clueless as... Sesshoumaru must feel all the time. Kagome couldn't help but smirk at her inner joke at Sesshoumaru's expense.

"I'll never fit into this world of rich, conceited," and dumb as rocks, she added silently to herself, "models, actors and the professionally good-looking."

Again, there was no answer and Kagome realized she was alone with the Ethiopian-style sushi and empty brioche tins. A quick scan of the room revealed Jaken and Sesshoumaru standing beside Sesshoumaru Jr. in the Ronald McDonald mirror, striking identical poses. Kagome sighed at the sheer absurdity of it all. But she really did love the guy. Miroku was right, intellect wasn't everything. Kagome felt almost content as she watched Sesshoumaru and Jaken crawl into the jungle gym after Sesshoumaru Jr.

And it didn't hurt that they were, after all, ridiculously good-looking. Kagome leaned back for a better angle of Jaken's well-formed backside before he disappeared into the `Hamburglar' hidey-hole of the McDonald's playground.

finis!