You Are What I Have Always Wanted

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ARE WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED

class=GramE>bystyle='font-family:"Trebuchet MS"'>: iceraqs

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style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>Summary:
Hearts at lost, screaming for a way to the fulfillment of the heart. Will
Kagome gain Inuyasha’s heart? Will class=SpellE>Sesshoumaru understand his feeling for the class=SpellE>miko? Or will anyone get lost in the pain of their own
hearts?

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style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'>Prologue:
My Heart Has Been Screaming

It has all been said and done.
How can I be so stupid? I know that he loves Kikyou
more than he could ever loved me but…

…I thought he could love me back
just the way I wanted it to be.

I have always been there for
him. I traveled with him. I have already put aside my pride in order for me to
be with him. I have endured all the tired feeling that I have been having, add
the stress from school and all the yelling he has given me for all those time
that my human body has failed him. No…it was me who had failed.

Well, that’s what he had been
saying to me.

But then, he had been kind
enough to show that he cares most of the time. I know he cares a lot for me…but
it feels like it’s more of a care bounded by choice and destiny. He cares for class=SpellE>Kikyou because he is bounded to her by fate and through his
soul. No matter how much I compete to her, no matter how much I care for him,
no matter how much I love him, there’s no way I’m gonna
be able to take that part of him, a part of him that truly loves class=SpellE>Kikyou.

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Here she is again, sitting all
alone, staring at the vast wilderness ahead of her. I wonder what she is
thinking about. I wonder what things have playing inside of her head. I
wonder…why I even bother sitting here on a tree, stalking on a human being.

I don’t get it. I don’t get it
just like when my father has asked if there is anyone I want to protect. There
is none but I, even for now, has been puzzled why that
old fool has asked me such question. I just don’t get it.

I just don’t get it as well why
she is sitting here with that lifeless emotion that hangs on her face. What
could be wrong?

A part of me is fighting the
urge of coming to her, locking her in my arms yet there is part of me that
feels a boulder pressing my chest, seemingly grinding me into pieces.

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I can feel the sadness as if my
head is pressed on her own chest, right next to her heart. What is it? What is
this feeling? I don’t understand.

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Kagome, I know it isn’t right to
treat you like this but I know that I can’t…I just can’t leave the fact that I
love Kikyou. No matter how much I tried, I know from
the bottom of my heart that I love her more than anything else.

I feel different when I am
around you, I know. You’ve been the one who has supported me all along. You
like me the way that I am, never wanting to change me. You like me as a class=SpellE>hanyou, not as a human, not as a youkai,
but just a hanyou. No, for you I’m not just any class=SpellE>hanyou and you are not just any ningen.
But I don’t know…my heart is clouded. My head refuses to think, to analyze what
my heart has been feeling.

But then, Kikyou…

Kikyoustyle='font-family:"Trebuchet MS"'>…

I love her.

Even if at that moment when she
placed that arrow on my chest, I know that I still love her. I don’t mind dying
on her own hands. I’d gladly accept that fate…

I love her more than anything
else. She is my world.