Not a Pretty Girl

Sango is not my favorite character. Not that I have a problem with her, just; I find myself gravitating to writing fanfics (in my head as well as in type) about Kagome with Inu Yasha, Kouga, or Sesshoumaru. I was listening to Ani Difranco’s “Not a Pretty Girl” and Sango just wouldn’t leave me alone. I apologize for any oc-ness but I already told you I don’t ever write Sango so this is a new one for me.

I don’t own Inu Yasha or “Not a Pretty Girl”. I did take a verse out of “Not a Pretty Girl” because it didn’t really fit with a girl who lived in the Fuedal times.

Twilight was twisting it’s way through the trees. People seem to think the night just fell from the sky, like a curtain falling into place. A blanket to curl into. They didn’t know the night snaked and roiled. It crept like one of the stealthy predators it was so apt at concealing. One moment you’re enjoying a sunset, so wrapped up in the Sun’s goodbye kiss that you don’t see the night slinking around until it was too late and you found yourself in the dark. Our ancestor’s were scared of the dark. Apparently not people of the future though. I’ve lost count of the number of times Kagome was staring at a sunset and looked up startled to see the night surrounding her. Or she’d be watching the stars blink and never seem to realize what a pretty target she makes, so oblivious.

Sometimes I stand beside her and watch the stars. Try to find out what it is that pulls her mind from her. What it is that steals her breath and sense of self preservation. I can not figure it out. Sometimes I think I am close, but he comes and the moment is gone. Gentle words invite us to the protection of the fire, to the fire and light and the illusion of safety it provides.

‘I am not a pretty girl
That is not what I do
I ain’t no damsel in distress
And I don’t need to rescued
So put me down punk
Maybe you’d prefer a maiden fair
Isn’t there a kitten stuck up in a tree somewhere’

I watch her movements, light as spring sun. I see the way the heads turn to her like flowers for a drink of her radiance. Sometimes he looks at me like that. Fleeting quicksilver usually caught out of the corner of my eye. Maybe I only imagined it. A trick of refracted light. I hope so. I do not like that look. So I do what I do every time I think I see it. I bring up the Dark Hanyou that brought us together. I bring up the clay priestess. I bring up the Taiyoukai. I bring up anything that cuts across us sharply. Maybe if I make us all bleed, maybe if I force us to flinch and think about the topics that everyone shoves to the back of their minds, maybe that look in his eyes will die. Illusions aren’t particularly long lived anyway. That’s the way it should be. The truth is much more rewarding, even if it isn’t wrapped as pretty or as soft.

‘I am not an angry girl
But it seems like I’ve got everyone fooled
Every time I say something they find hard to hear
They chalk it up to my anger
And never to their own fear
And imagine you’re a girl
Just trying to finally come clean
Knowing full well they’d prefer you
Were dirty and smiling’

‘And I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
And I am not a kitten stuck up in a tree somewhere’

Sometimes I think Inu Yasha understands, at least a little. Sometimes I wish he would tell Miroku so I don’t have to. It’s one thing to take that look from his eyes. I’m not sure what it would take to make him understand completely but I suspect it wouldn’t be pretty. It’s one thing to let a sharp word draw blood, another to reach out with my words and actions and kill the part of him that wants spring sun.

‘And what if there were no damsels in distress
What if I knew and I called your bluff?
Don’t you think every kitten figures out how to get down
Whether or not you ever show up’

I’m not a spring sun. No one will ever turn their head to me to soak my radiance. I’m okay with that. Spring isn’t my favorite season.

‘I am not a pretty girl
I don’t want to be a pretty girl
No I want to be more than a pretty girl’