My December
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InuYasha › Het - Male/Female › Sesshōmaru/Rin
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Chapters:
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Category:
InuYasha › Het - Male/Female › Sesshōmaru/Rin
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,908
Reviews:
21
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.
My December
01/01/05
Author’s note:
I can’t explain what motivated me to write this. I just heard the song and had to write.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters, nor do I own the song ‘My December’ by Linkin Park.
Italics are thoughts or memories. Hope you enjoy.
**********************************************************
My December
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
Icy wind dances through the bare branches of his kingdom. A forest of sleeping trees. A land of snow and ice. The Demon prince sits upon his throne, an icy rock sheltered under a slumbering oak, in quiet contemplation. Winter’s blanket surrounds him and the chilling worship of winter’s breeze tosses his long silver locks and numbs his limbs. But he notices not. His eyes are lost. His mind is swept away on a wave of painful remembrance.
Ten full cycles of the burning sun have past since she first found him. He remembered her face so clearly. Bruised and battered, toothless and grinning. Innocent, naive, and trusting.
Odd, this feeling. This longing I have to see her face once more.
She had followed him and served him loyally. She had grown into unfathomable beauty and intelligence. She had confessed her heart. She had fallen to her knees to beg him, to bare her soul to him, to…love him.
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
What need had he for such useless human emotions? All he had ever known was the path of ultimate conquest. All he ever needed was his power and strength. All he had ever desired was his freedom;…this quiet kingdom.
This is my December
This is me alone
“Do not be foolish, Rin.” He had said to her, his usual bored expression and dull voice the only reply he gave to her as she clutched his robe. When she did not let go he had become irritated and jerked the fabric from her grip.
“Such sentiments are wasted on this Sesshoumaru.”
Turning his back, he had walked away, leaving her there to weep bitter broken-hearted tears.
His heart had truly died that day. For he was a great demon lord loathed by many and feared by all. He had no time for a worthless human female.
But his heart had already been lost to her. She had captured his soul. She had conquered him. And this made him angry. He would not fall. He would not be tamed by a frail ningen female.
She had fled that night, without a word into the darkness. She had fled by way of the river. Clever wench. He could not track her scent that way. Anger at her fueled his search for weeks. She would pay for leaving without his permission. She was, after all, his.
He had traveled north with the river for many days, and as it curved and wound its way through the lands, it opened up and spilled into the open sea. No sign of her was left. He had followed the river south and after several days, had come to a break. Several streams now branched out across the land, each leading to a different stinking ningen village. Not a trace was found. It had been many moons now since he had looked into her expressive dark eyes,…heard her soft voice,…felt her feathery touch. After anger, he felt stubborn relief. After relief, he felt worry. After worry came guilt and despair.
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
No longer did Sesshoumaru find himself sitting amongst the sleeping forest. He was now following the winding river. So many times had he traveled the banks, a path was now well worn. The memory of his final words to her echoed through him.
“Such sentiments are wasted on this Sesshoumaru.”
But they had not been.
The hurt he had seen in her eyes, the utter despair he had felt radiating from her sobbing form had nearly brought him to his knees. Nearly. Stubborn self loathing ruled him then.
And I
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that
Where indifference should have been, there was instead something worse. There was nothing. There was emptiness. He had never felt so incomplete.
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things that I said to you
Why did she have to have those feelings? He wondered angrily as he trudged along his path of despair.
Why couldn’t she just follow in invisible silence? It would have been so much easier that way.
But she had never been silent, and she most certainly had never been invisible. It occurred to him that she had always been pretty, but after her first cycle, he realized just how beautiful she had become. No longer was she the awkward little girl. She was a young woman. He had watched her secretly from them on. Never voicing his admiration. Never admitting it to himself even. Several cycles of the sun went by before he had not been able to control his own heat.
Sesshoumaru closed his eyes willing the images to stop, but his mind’s eye would not close and grant him mercy.
He remembered that night, he had almost…she had been so lovely that night.
They sat together as they did every night, looking out into the black, star speckled sky. It was harvest season, and the air was cool and crisp. Rin sat leaning against his back plucking dried petals from the last flowers of the summer, her scent was that of herbs and spices, a perfect compliment to the beauty of Mother Nature’s gifts surrounding them. Her eyes had grown sad of late and he could sense her growing unease as the moons passed. On that night, he had not been able to control the fire raging in his blood. He had caught her sweet scent on the wind yet again, and with each breath of air, he was reminded of her nearness. Her warmth radiated against his back and something in him snapped.
Her startled gasps, her cries of protest, her scent mingled with fear, …they were what finally woke him. He remembered her shredded kimono clinging to her shivering form, scratches marred her creamy flesh and blood welled in the deepest parts of the wounds. Her ebony eyes were filled with glistening tears, the deep hurt of unexpected betrayal shining from them. But what he remembered most vividly were her hands. They did not push him away. They clung to him as though he were the very air that breathed life into her trembling body. He had to pry her delicate fingers from him to remove himself from her. He had been so confused by those delicate hands.
He had been so ashamed of himself. He had lost control. He had dishonored himself, his family line, and almost…her. He had almost taken her virtue by force. The shame was suffocating.
In the midst of that haze of shame came her tortured whispers.
“M’lord, please. You may take this Rin if that is your wish. I will give myself to you willingly, M’lord, if only you will not be angry with me. I love you so much!” Her voice shook with some incomprehensible emotion as she whispered her plea.
He had wanted to fold her into his embrace and beg her forgiveness. He had wanted to shower her with the tenderness and adoration he had been fighting against for so long now. But duty and honor would not allow it. He was unwilling to allow such change in a life he had worked so hard to achieve.
She would ruin everything with this petty human emotion. All he ever needed was his power and strength. All he had ever desired was his freedom,…this quiet kingdom of his.
And I’d give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
“Do not be foolish, Rin. Such sentiments are wasted on this Sesshoumaru.”
The words he had spoken so many moons ago still rang in his ears as he came to a halt at the junction of the streams. It was here that he always stopped. Hopelessness came over him as he watched the water rush down each of the smaller streams. His heart beat skipped painfully as he wondered for the millionth time where she had gone.
How he missed her now. What he wouldn’t give to see her just once more. To tell her that he loved her too.
This is my December
These are my snow covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need
It was then that his eyes caught the hint of color on the ground. There, down the path of the farthest stream to the South. Peaking from the pure white snow was a single perfectly formed pink flower. The petals were fresh and silky as they reached for him, calling to him. Mesmerizing him with their soft allure.
He could not explain it, nor did he really care to, but he could feel hope spreading through him like sunshine breaking through the clouds on a dreary day, and he knew that this was the path he had to follow today.
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
His strides were sure and purposeful as he made his way along the banks of the stream. He could smell the ningen village ahead, and he wondered if Rin was among them now.
And I
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that
What will she say if I do find her? Perhaps she has found a place among them. Perhaps she is happy with them. Perhaps she has found a new man to love.
Jealousy washed over him and he found himself growling at the thought of some foul ningen male touching his Rin.
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
She is grown. She should be with her own kind. She will probably hate this Sesshoumaru.
And I
Take back all the things I said to you
But suddenly he was frozen in place. Sitting in the snow only feet in front of him crying softly was his little Rin. His heart burst with joy at the sight of her, and flipped over several times with sudden anguish at her wretched state.
He stood unmoving, not making a sound as he observed her, and the feelings he had been keeping bottled up began to bubble to the surface.
He had found her at long last.
And I’d give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
She looked up at long last and his heart stopped beating all together. He could smell her sorrow as he watched crystal tears glide down her perfect face. Her deep black eyes caught his golden gaze and held it. She said nothing as surprise filled her expressive eyes and then something else…something deeper…regret.
Something is not right.
Sesshoumaru stepped towards her as she continued to stare at him in near shock. She clutched something tightly in her fist and just as the glint of metal caught his eye, the scent of blood hit his nose.
This is my December
This is my time of year
This is my December
This is all so clear
He let out a startled cry and was immediately at her side.
“Foolish woman! What have you done?” He barked at her, ripping the knife from her fingers and gripping her hands, turning them to see what he hoped would not be there.
Blood seeped from the deep gashes across each of her wrists. He could see the blood pooled all around her now, and knew that she had been there for quite a while now. He could just barely detect her weakened heart beat as he desperately ripped strips of fabric from his haori and feverishly began to wrap her wrists.
She swayed slightly on her knees, but still she looked at him.
“Why do my dreams torment me so?” She whispered weakly, tears streaming silently down her cheeks.
He let out a shaky breath before answering her.
“Rin…” But before he could say anything her eyes fluttered closed. Her body slumped to the cold earth.
“Rin.” He barked harshly as he leaned forward and gripped her shoulders.
“Rin! You will open your eyes!” She had never disobeyed him. Ever.
Her eyes did not open.
Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
He could no longer detect her heartbeat. He could no longer hear her breath. He could no longer see the rise and fall of her chest.
“You will not leave this Sesshoumaru again.” He ordered sternly
Slowly he stood and withdrew his Tensaiga. The guardians of the underworld could be seen clearly through Tensaiga’s aura, and with a powerful strike he slashed at them. But they dodged him somehow.
He slashed at them again, and again they avoided his blow.
Strike after strike, his anger grew, and after each strike, he felt his Rin slipping further and further away.
His breathing came in short gasps as he finally ended his futile assault. He could not understand how his Tensaiga could fail him so.
He dropped the traitorous sword and sank to his knees and picked the lifeless form of his love up. He cradled her in his embrace and buried his face in her hair, squeezing his eyes closed to the world and trying to swallow the grief that chilled his soul. She lay limp in his arms, her warmth seeping from her and still he held her to him, his heart breaking.
Snow began to fall; the soft whispers of the icy flakes the only sound that could be heard.
She wanted to die.
That was the only reason the Tensaiga could have failed him he realized. And as he came to this realization his stomach turned and his heart twisted.
She wanted to die because my foolish stubborn pride was more important to me!
He had found her only to loose her forever this time. Destined to walk his path alone.
“Please forgive me.” The demon prince whispered softly into her hair as he held her. His throat was tight and his eyes burned as he fought to finish what he had been resolved to tell her when he finally found her.
“I love you as well.”
Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
Author’s note:
I can’t explain what motivated me to write this. I just heard the song and had to write.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters, nor do I own the song ‘My December’ by Linkin Park.
Italics are thoughts or memories. Hope you enjoy.
**********************************************************
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
Icy wind dances through the bare branches of his kingdom. A forest of sleeping trees. A land of snow and ice. The Demon prince sits upon his throne, an icy rock sheltered under a slumbering oak, in quiet contemplation. Winter’s blanket surrounds him and the chilling worship of winter’s breeze tosses his long silver locks and numbs his limbs. But he notices not. His eyes are lost. His mind is swept away on a wave of painful remembrance.
Ten full cycles of the burning sun have past since she first found him. He remembered her face so clearly. Bruised and battered, toothless and grinning. Innocent, naive, and trusting.
Odd, this feeling. This longing I have to see her face once more.
She had followed him and served him loyally. She had grown into unfathomable beauty and intelligence. She had confessed her heart. She had fallen to her knees to beg him, to bare her soul to him, to…love him.
This is my snow covered home
What need had he for such useless human emotions? All he had ever known was the path of ultimate conquest. All he ever needed was his power and strength. All he had ever desired was his freedom;…this quiet kingdom.
This is me alone
“Do not be foolish, Rin.” He had said to her, his usual bored expression and dull voice the only reply he gave to her as she clutched his robe. When she did not let go he had become irritated and jerked the fabric from her grip.
“Such sentiments are wasted on this Sesshoumaru.”
Turning his back, he had walked away, leaving her there to weep bitter broken-hearted tears.
His heart had truly died that day. For he was a great demon lord loathed by many and feared by all. He had no time for a worthless human female.
But his heart had already been lost to her. She had captured his soul. She had conquered him. And this made him angry. He would not fall. He would not be tamed by a frail ningen female.
She had fled that night, without a word into the darkness. She had fled by way of the river. Clever wench. He could not track her scent that way. Anger at her fueled his search for weeks. She would pay for leaving without his permission. She was, after all, his.
He had traveled north with the river for many days, and as it curved and wound its way through the lands, it opened up and spilled into the open sea. No sign of her was left. He had followed the river south and after several days, had come to a break. Several streams now branched out across the land, each leading to a different stinking ningen village. Not a trace was found. It had been many moons now since he had looked into her expressive dark eyes,…heard her soft voice,…felt her feathery touch. After anger, he felt stubborn relief. After relief, he felt worry. After worry came guilt and despair.
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
No longer did Sesshoumaru find himself sitting amongst the sleeping forest. He was now following the winding river. So many times had he traveled the banks, a path was now well worn. The memory of his final words to her echoed through him.
“Such sentiments are wasted on this Sesshoumaru.”
But they had not been.
The hurt he had seen in her eyes, the utter despair he had felt radiating from her sobbing form had nearly brought him to his knees. Nearly. Stubborn self loathing ruled him then.
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that
Where indifference should have been, there was instead something worse. There was nothing. There was emptiness. He had never felt so incomplete.
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things that I said to you
Why did she have to have those feelings? He wondered angrily as he trudged along his path of despair.
Why couldn’t she just follow in invisible silence? It would have been so much easier that way.
But she had never been silent, and she most certainly had never been invisible. It occurred to him that she had always been pretty, but after her first cycle, he realized just how beautiful she had become. No longer was she the awkward little girl. She was a young woman. He had watched her secretly from them on. Never voicing his admiration. Never admitting it to himself even. Several cycles of the sun went by before he had not been able to control his own heat.
Sesshoumaru closed his eyes willing the images to stop, but his mind’s eye would not close and grant him mercy.
He remembered that night, he had almost…she had been so lovely that night.
They sat together as they did every night, looking out into the black, star speckled sky. It was harvest season, and the air was cool and crisp. Rin sat leaning against his back plucking dried petals from the last flowers of the summer, her scent was that of herbs and spices, a perfect compliment to the beauty of Mother Nature’s gifts surrounding them. Her eyes had grown sad of late and he could sense her growing unease as the moons passed. On that night, he had not been able to control the fire raging in his blood. He had caught her sweet scent on the wind yet again, and with each breath of air, he was reminded of her nearness. Her warmth radiated against his back and something in him snapped.
Her startled gasps, her cries of protest, her scent mingled with fear, …they were what finally woke him. He remembered her shredded kimono clinging to her shivering form, scratches marred her creamy flesh and blood welled in the deepest parts of the wounds. Her ebony eyes were filled with glistening tears, the deep hurt of unexpected betrayal shining from them. But what he remembered most vividly were her hands. They did not push him away. They clung to him as though he were the very air that breathed life into her trembling body. He had to pry her delicate fingers from him to remove himself from her. He had been so confused by those delicate hands.
He had been so ashamed of himself. He had lost control. He had dishonored himself, his family line, and almost…her. He had almost taken her virtue by force. The shame was suffocating.
In the midst of that haze of shame came her tortured whispers.
“M’lord, please. You may take this Rin if that is your wish. I will give myself to you willingly, M’lord, if only you will not be angry with me. I love you so much!” Her voice shook with some incomprehensible emotion as she whispered her plea.
He had wanted to fold her into his embrace and beg her forgiveness. He had wanted to shower her with the tenderness and adoration he had been fighting against for so long now. But duty and honor would not allow it. He was unwilling to allow such change in a life he had worked so hard to achieve.
She would ruin everything with this petty human emotion. All he ever needed was his power and strength. All he had ever desired was his freedom,…this quiet kingdom of his.
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
“Do not be foolish, Rin. Such sentiments are wasted on this Sesshoumaru.”
The words he had spoken so many moons ago still rang in his ears as he came to a halt at the junction of the streams. It was here that he always stopped. Hopelessness came over him as he watched the water rush down each of the smaller streams. His heart beat skipped painfully as he wondered for the millionth time where she had gone.
How he missed her now. What he wouldn’t give to see her just once more. To tell her that he loved her too.
These are my snow covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need
It was then that his eyes caught the hint of color on the ground. There, down the path of the farthest stream to the South. Peaking from the pure white snow was a single perfectly formed pink flower. The petals were fresh and silky as they reached for him, calling to him. Mesmerizing him with their soft allure.
He could not explain it, nor did he really care to, but he could feel hope spreading through him like sunshine breaking through the clouds on a dreary day, and he knew that this was the path he had to follow today.
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
His strides were sure and purposeful as he made his way along the banks of the stream. He could smell the ningen village ahead, and he wondered if Rin was among them now.
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that
What will she say if I do find her? Perhaps she has found a place among them. Perhaps she is happy with them. Perhaps she has found a new man to love.
Jealousy washed over him and he found himself growling at the thought of some foul ningen male touching his Rin.
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
She is grown. She should be with her own kind. She will probably hate this Sesshoumaru.
Take back all the things I said to you
But suddenly he was frozen in place. Sitting in the snow only feet in front of him crying softly was his little Rin. His heart burst with joy at the sight of her, and flipped over several times with sudden anguish at her wretched state.
He stood unmoving, not making a sound as he observed her, and the feelings he had been keeping bottled up began to bubble to the surface.
He had found her at long last.
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
She looked up at long last and his heart stopped beating all together. He could smell her sorrow as he watched crystal tears glide down her perfect face. Her deep black eyes caught his golden gaze and held it. She said nothing as surprise filled her expressive eyes and then something else…something deeper…regret.
Something is not right.
Sesshoumaru stepped towards her as she continued to stare at him in near shock. She clutched something tightly in her fist and just as the glint of metal caught his eye, the scent of blood hit his nose.
This is my time of year
This is my December
This is all so clear
He let out a startled cry and was immediately at her side.
“Foolish woman! What have you done?” He barked at her, ripping the knife from her fingers and gripping her hands, turning them to see what he hoped would not be there.
Blood seeped from the deep gashes across each of her wrists. He could see the blood pooled all around her now, and knew that she had been there for quite a while now. He could just barely detect her weakened heart beat as he desperately ripped strips of fabric from his haori and feverishly began to wrap her wrists.
She swayed slightly on her knees, but still she looked at him.
“Why do my dreams torment me so?” She whispered weakly, tears streaming silently down her cheeks.
He let out a shaky breath before answering her.
“Rin…” But before he could say anything her eyes fluttered closed. Her body slumped to the cold earth.
“Rin.” He barked harshly as he leaned forward and gripped her shoulders.
“Rin! You will open your eyes!” She had never disobeyed him. Ever.
Her eyes did not open.
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
He could no longer detect her heartbeat. He could no longer hear her breath. He could no longer see the rise and fall of her chest.
“You will not leave this Sesshoumaru again.” He ordered sternly
Slowly he stood and withdrew his Tensaiga. The guardians of the underworld could be seen clearly through Tensaiga’s aura, and with a powerful strike he slashed at them. But they dodged him somehow.
He slashed at them again, and again they avoided his blow.
Strike after strike, his anger grew, and after each strike, he felt his Rin slipping further and further away.
His breathing came in short gasps as he finally ended his futile assault. He could not understand how his Tensaiga could fail him so.
He dropped the traitorous sword and sank to his knees and picked the lifeless form of his love up. He cradled her in his embrace and buried his face in her hair, squeezing his eyes closed to the world and trying to swallow the grief that chilled his soul. She lay limp in his arms, her warmth seeping from her and still he held her to him, his heart breaking.
Snow began to fall; the soft whispers of the icy flakes the only sound that could be heard.
She wanted to die.
That was the only reason the Tensaiga could have failed him he realized. And as he came to this realization his stomach turned and his heart twisted.
She wanted to die because my foolish stubborn pride was more important to me!
He had found her only to loose her forever this time. Destined to walk his path alone.
“Please forgive me.” The demon prince whispered softly into her hair as he held her. His throat was tight and his eyes burned as he fought to finish what he had been resolved to tell her when he finally found her.
“I love you as well.”
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to