Against My Will

~A/N ~ This is NOT a "nice" fic, it's mean and a bit dark. If it offends you don't complain to me because this is your only warning.

DISCLAIMER: These aren't my own characters - they belong to Rumiko Takahashi (that means that she makes all the money not me) - but you knew that already right? ^_^

If you read this please let me know what you thought. I LIKE feedback :)

okies, thats enough of my babbling, enjoy the story :)

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“Lord Sesshomaru! Please help me!” Rin cried out as she was carried off by a band of rogue warriors.

“Put her down, and release me at once!” Jaken yelled as he was roughly tossed about, and tied to a tree. “Lord Sesshomaru will have your heads for this!”

No one paid any heed to his cries, or demands.

“Jaken-sama! Help me!” Rin shrieked as she was carried farther away from her usual protector. Her eyes widened in fear as she realized no one was going to be able to help her.

Lord Sesshomaru had left them last night to chase after Naraku, and had yet to return. Worst of all, they had no way to contact him, or to know when he would be returning.

“She’s such a sweet little thing, she’s got such soft skin too!” the man that had slung her over his shoulder commented as he ran his callused hand over her calf.

“Let me go!” Rin demanded as she buried her fists into his back.

“She’s a feisty one,” the man following behind them said as he caught Rin’s fists before she did any damage. “I like feisty ones, I bet she’s a screamer.”

Rin’s eyes widened as she realized that she was not only being kidnapped, but these men meant to violate her! She had been warned of men’s intentions back when she was eleven, but she had never worried about it. Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken had always been with her when they were in the company of other men, and neither of those two would ever touch her inappropriately, or let anyone else do so either.

People had commented about her being nearly seventeen, not married, and still following the dangerous demon lord around. Rumors had even swirled that she was one of the Dog Demon’s ‘toys’ but those rumors had been quieted quite quickly.

“You think that ugly imp was saying anything worth listening to?” a man in the back of the group asked, looking back over his shoulder as he talked.

“Obviously not!” the man carrying Rin said, “He just wants this beauty back.”

“He can have her back, once we’re done with her,” a man in the crowd leered.

Rin had gone mute, and her entire body was becoming numb with overwhelming fear. She didn’t even react when one of the rude men smacked her behind, and made a vulgar comment. She had shut everything out, and when she did not react to the men’s crude words, they became angry with her.

They shook her violently, and then threw her to the ground. She simply sagged like a rag doll. She squeezed her eyes shut when a rough hand reached under her kimono. She heard the fabric rip, and then everything went black as she passed out.

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“Lord Sesshomaru!” Jaken yelled from his bound spot on the tree.

“Jaken, what happened?” Sesshomaru asked as he sliced through the thick ropes that Jaken had not been able to gnaw through.

“They took Rin,” Jaken confessed as he waited for the imminent pain that always followed his failure to protect Rin properly.

With a growl Sesshomaru turned, leaped into the forest, and disappearing into its depths in the blink of an eye. For a second Jaken almost wondered if Lord Sesshomaru had really just came back, but the resounding echo of the pissed off taiyoukai told him all there needed to be known.

“I sure hope he gets to her in time, and those varmints all pay for any wrongs they have caused Rin!” Jaken said to the empty forest before he began worrying over what his lord would do to him for failing to protect Rin.

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It was not hard for Sesshomaru to follow the scent of the vagrant mortals through the forest. He crashed through the trees and underbrush quickly uprooting and destroying anything that dared impede his progress to Rin. He could smell her fear, and it made him even more enraged.

How dare ANYONE take something that he considered to be his away from him--especially an innocent girl, that never caused trouble for anyone! Well, aside from Jaken that is. Sesshomaru made a mental note to knock Jaken into next week for failing to obey his orders.

Suddenly a smell assaulted his nose and made him want to gag. He stopped his forward motion and a pain ripped through his heart and poured daggers into every pore on his body.

“Rin,” he whispered, as his face showed utter sorrow before anger replaced it and he leapt forward again.

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“Did you hear that?” a scrawny man asked as he turned to look at the forest behind him.

“You’re just being paranoid, there’s no one out there,” another man answered him as he turned towards the forest. “Look, I’ll show you,” he said as he sauntered over to the edge of the forest and called out, “Anyone out there enjoying the show?” He gave a hearty laugh and started to return to the little group, but never made it.

A streak of green flashed through the air and the mans’ body fell forward, his head leaving a crimson streak on the ground.

Panic saturated the air, as the men scrambled to grab weapons to combat whatever had just killed their companion. When no attack came, they stared at each other in disbelief. Then a deafening growl fell over the band of men, and they all forgot about fighting and scattered, hoping to save their lives. Sesshomaru sailed through the treetops with his eyes blazing scarlet, fangs bared, and claws dripping poison.

He landed in the middle of the group, and ripped the closest one to shreds with a swipe of his hand, and before the man had hit the ground, he had snapped another man’s neck with a loud ‘CRACK’ and then ripped it off completely and threw it behind him. Cries for mercy, and yelps of pain echoed throughout the forest as he slashed through throats, and plunged his claws into chests to rip their hearts out. He only stopped when all but one man in the clearing was spurting blood. Sesshomaru slowly turned his attention to this last remaining bandit. He was closest to Rin’s battered and unconscious body; and he did not smell of her like the other men had. As he took a step towards the blackguard he watched with satisfaction as the trembling man fell to his knees, and let the sword he held fall to the ground.

“Why did you not violate my ward?” Sesshomaru asked, his body itching to rip into the man.

With a gulp the man answered in a wavering voice, “I was to stand guard.”

“So,” Sesshomaru said icily, “It was simply not your turn yet, was it?”

The man yelped as clawed fingers pressed with lethal force into his throat as Sesshomaru picked him up.

“No!” he gasped out.

The grip loosened and a vicious snarl ripped from Sesshomaru’s chest. “No what,” he asked, enjoying the man’s terror.

“Ihadnointentionofharmingthegirl!” he gasped out.

“Yet you did nothing when your companions raped her, and beat her,” he hissed.

The man’s eyes widened at Sesshomaru’s knowledge of the girl’s condition without having touched her. He hung his head, “No, I did not.”

Sesshomaru had reached the end of his patience, he wanted to take Rin and leave this place. He wanted to rip this man’s throat out, and yet he knew the man deserved a faster death than that. Making a quick movement he snapped the man’s neck, killing him instantly.

He stepped over the slumped body and walked the short distance to Rin; she had yet to regain consciousness. He quickly tugged on the ties to his armor enough to remove his haori so that he could wrap her in it before he gingerly picked her up. He held her close to his body as he took to the skies looking for the village he knew was nearby.
He did not make a habit of visiting human villages, but Rin was injured and he had no knowledge of how to care for her with these types of injuries.

The last of the sun’s fiery rays dipped below the horizon as he entered the village. A miko ran forward intending to rid the village of the youkai. Before she could say anything Sesshomaru spoke, “ Help her, please.” He nodded to Rin, and knew that his face showed his concern for her.

The miko was obviously surprised that he had asked for her to help the young girl he carried and was wary, but wanted to help the girl so she said, “Come,” and silently led him to a small house on the edge of the village.

Once inside, the woman demanded that Sesshomaru hand the girl over, and he did--with a frown. The woman began to walk to another room and Sesshomaru tried to follow her.

“You may not enter,” the miko said quietly as she stopped just inside the doorway. “She will not be harmed, but it is not proper for you to be in the room when I examine her,” she explained quickly to silence the growl that had formed in Sesshomaru’s throat. She disappeared into the dim room and Sesshomaru stood guard, nerves on edge as he listened for Rin to wake up.
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The minutes dragged by for Sesshomaru. Every second felt like an hour; and the hours dragged into days. Sesshomaru remembered his father’s words, “Have you something to protect?” Back then he had thought that notion foolish. He was a Conquer; a warrior that needed no one. Even when Sounga had returned, he had refused to admit that he was her protector, or Jaken’s. He did not recall when he had finally admitted that she was his to protect. She was his ward, his bright spot in an otherwise bleak world. She was the reason he had not turned into a frigid, isolated, and miserable warlord. She was the reason he was pacing the room of a miko’s house looking like a worried mortal, instead of the stoic demon lord that he was.

Suddenly a small noise brought Sesshomaru out of his musing. He heard water splash onto the floor, and he was tempted to go inside the next room to make sure that Rin was all right, but he stopped at the doorway, when there were no more sounds.

“Woman, what happened?” he called out, “what was that sound I heard?”

“She awoke briefly when I stuck her in the tub to clean her,” the miko called back, “do not worry so, she will recover soon.”

Sesshomaru sighed, ‘soon’ was not good enough for him, he wanted Rin awake and well right now. Although, it might be best for Rin if she remained asleep for the time being since he was unsure of her wounds, and when she did wake, she was bound to be in pain. His temper flared as he remembered the men he had killed so quickly when he had wanted to reach Rin and bring her to safety. He now wondered if he had left any in one piece so he could use Tenseiga on them and make them suffer a slow and painful second death. Probably not, and the only one he knew was in one piece deserved to be that way since he had not touched Rin. While the man’s motives weren’t clear, and perhaps he had spoken the truth, it was more likely he had simply been low man on the totem pole and had had to wait. If that was the case, then maybe he had spared Rin from one last vile act. He sighed again, and tried to clear his mind of the idea that he needed to go back and slice those men’s bodies into tiny shreds.

It was that moment that the miko returned, “Are you fit to care for her in the state you are in?” she asked, eyeing him warily.

“Where is Rin?” he asked, ignoring her question.

“Still asleep. I thought you might want to know the extent of her injuries, and how to help her.”

Sesshomaru stiffened. Did he really want to know what those men had done to her? He knew of the rape and that they had beat her, but to what extent he wasn’t certain. “What can be done to help her?” he asked.

“I assume you know of the defilement of her innocence?” the miko asked.

“Yes,” Sesshomaru replied, barely keeping the growl out of his voice.

“She will need herbs to make sure she does not conceive a child from such a violent attack. Although she is of childbearing age, no one needs to be burdened with an unwanted pregnancy. I cleaned her thoroughly, but the herbs are still a necessity unless you wish to travel with a newborn.”

“What else?”

“She has several cuts, and scratches on her, but those should mend quickly since they are not deep. Just keep them clean and bandaged and they will not be any bother. What concerns me is the bump to her head.”

“That’s why she’s still unconscious?”

“Most likely, although it may be a reaction to the violence she was forced to bear witness to.”

“When will she awaken?”

“I am unsure, but I dressed her in one of my kimonos. You may take her back into your care now.”

“What is owed to you?”

“Nothing, take the girl, and leave my village before you frighten the villagers again.”
Sesshomaru nodded, and walked past her into the room to retrieve Rin. He picked her up and held her close to him as he walked out of the house and took to the skies.

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“Milord!!” Jaken cried when he saw Sesshomaru drop from the skies in front of him with Rin held close.

Sesshomaru shot Jaken a glare, remembering that the imp had failed to protect Rin and he deserved punishment. He saw the imp was close to hysterics, and decided to leave him be, for now at least.

“Why does Rin not speak! What is wrong with her?” Jaken asked, as he took a hesitant step towards them.

“She’s unconscious,” Sesshomaru said with a sneer.

His sudden anger faltered when he heard the imp gasp, and then fall to his knees in defeat. “Rin.”

Rin let out a small cry, and both demons turned their attention to her. “Lord Sesshomaru! –Jaken-sama! Please help me,” she cried out in fear.

“She doesn’t realize that it’s over?” Jaken asked, close to tears.

“I doubt she will ever completely recover from this,” Sesshomaru said quietly. “This is the third time her world has collapsed in front of her very eyes. She is stronger than last time, but this was a direct attack on her person. Those men stole her innocence. She may never be the same person we knew.”

Rin suddenly fought against Sesshomaru’s grip, trying to escape from the foreign arm that held her. “Let me go!” Rin cried as fear rolled off her.

Sesshomaru lowered her to the ground, and stepped away from her flailing arms. He watched as she curled into a ball, and sobs shook her small frame.

Sesshomaru hated it when women cried, it hurt his sensitive ears, but he refused to leave her side. Kneeling by her side, he spoke softly to her, “Rin, you are safe now, those men are all dead, and you are no longer in danger. It’s ok now, Rin, things will be alright now.”

Sesshomaru repeated his soft words to her and eventually they seemed to get through to Rin’s fevered mind. She stopped crying, and her body seemed to relax a bit. Hesitantly Sesshomaru placed his hand on her back. She tensed for a moment and then relaxed.

“Sesshomaru-sama?” Rin asked quietly as she opened her eyes.

“Yes, you are safe now,” Sesshomaru soothed.

“Lord Sesshomaru!” Rin cried as she buried herself into his embrace. “I was so scared!”

“Those men cannot hurt you anymore,” He assured her, “I killed them all.”

To his surprise, a small smile blossomed on her lips before she wiped it away and cringed in pain. “It hurts!” Rin said softly as tears began to gather in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Sesshomaru murmured, “I cannot make the pain go away. You will have to bear it until your body can heal.”

Rin sniffled, and nodded. “Is Jaken-sama safe, too?” she asked trying to look around for the imp.

“Yes Rin, he is safe too,” Sesshomaru reassured her as he pulled away from her embrace to show her the worried imp behind his shoulder.

“Jaken-sama!” Rin said brightly, “I am so glad that you are safe!”

“Rin!” Jaken said, “I am glad you are with us again.”

Rin yawned suddenly, “Rin is exhausted, but is glad to be with Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken-sama again.”

“We are, too,” Jaken said as he scurried to make her a place to sleep.

Sesshomaru stood, and carried her to the bedroll Jaken had prepared for her, “Rest, Rin, you are safe now.”

“Yes,” she said as she closed her eyes. She was asleep a few seconds later. Both demons watched her sleep for a few moments to make sure that she was not relapsing into unpleasantness, and when they were certain of her comfort Sesshomaru stood, and walked to his vassal.

“You failed not only me today, but you Rin as well,” he said gesturing at her.

Jaken hung his head, “A thousand apologies my lord!”

“You deserve to be beaten to within an inch of your life!” Sesshomaru growled.

Jaken knew he had been lazy, and had let his guard down and it had cost Rin dearly. He had never wanted anything bad to happen to her, he had no excuse for his behavior. He cowered before his lord, and made no excuses for once.

“The ONLY reason you are alive is because it would pain her if you were seriously injured.” Sesshomaru paused, “be glad she loves you as she does.”

“I will not fail either of you again,” Jaken declared.

“Do not disappoint me,” Sesshomaru said as he leaped into the tree above Rin to sleep for the night.
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The weeks passed slowly, and Rin was distant, and in near-constant pain. She could not walk any length of time and was eerily quiet.

Jaken had collected the herbs that Sesshomaru had told him to, and although they tasted terrible, Rin obediently drank the concoction that Sesshomaru brewed nightly for her.

No one talked of the incident, and Rin did not seem to want to know the extent of it all. She simply changed the bandages, and drank the foul “medicine” each night.

Both Sesshomaru and Jaken noted that her behavior had changed drastically. She was not the outgoing bubbly woman she had been. She seemed to have sank into depression, and shied away from them.

Sesshomaru had taken to talking to her more, and stayed close to camp. They had stopped moving when they found a decent spot near a river. Rin was easily exhausted, and it was hoped that that was the only problem she had left since her physical wounds had healed.

Sesshomaru was uneasy about Rin, he had seen her staring into space, and at him, and had smelled her tears often. He was not about to ask her about it though, if she wished to talk to him she would come to him. He hoped that she would, because it was obvious that something was deeply troubling her.

Sesshomaru did not have to wait long before she confronted him about her problem. He had sent Jaken to gather food for Rin, and she had been staring at his back since Jaken had left.

“Sesshomaru-sama, Can Rin talk to you about something?” she asked quietly.

“What is troubling you, Rin?” he asked

“”Um….Well,” Rin sighed, and took a deep breath before she tried again. “Rin remembers what those men did, and what their touch did to her body.”

Sesshomaru arched his eyebrow, he had thought she didn’t remember since she had been knocked unconscious.

Rin hurried to get the last of her thought out, “Rin’s body wants to feel some of that again, she wants to feel the good feelings she was told of when she was younger.”

Sesshomaru was silent for a moment. He had not expected this to be what had troubled Rin, far from it. How was he going to fix this latest quandary?

“We can look for a proper suitor for you in the next village,” he thought aloud.

“Rin will not allow that, Rin desires the touch of only one,” she said quietly.

Sesshomaru was dumbfounded at her words. He had no clue what to say to her so he waited for her to continue.

“Rin is sorry,” she said and turned away.

“Who is it?” Sesshomaru asked quietly, finally finding his voice.

He smelled the tears that had sprung to Rin’s eyes, and when she didn’t answer he realized why she had apologized. She wanted him as a lover, not as a mere protector.

Jaken returned a few seconds later with an armful of fruit, and a few vegetables. Rin gave him a smile, thanked him for the food, and then ate in silence. After she had eaten she climbed into her bed, and fell asleep.

Sesshomaru was left with the wrenching emotions she had placed within him. He did not desire her whatsoever. He looked on her as his ward, and only had thoughts of being her guardian. He had never once considered becoming her lover, nor had he ever dreamed that she would ask it of him. He didn’t think that he had ever done anything to place that kind of thought in her mind, and he certainly hadn’t done anything that physically suggested he would ever want that from her.

He sighed wearily, and let his head fall forward into his palm. How could he deny her the one thing that she had asked for herself? She asked for so little over the years, and had always followed his orders without hesitation, or complaint. She had never feared him, or caused him much trouble. Most of the trouble that befell her was because Jaken had slacked off when he had been entrusted to care for her.

If those men had not molested her, would she still be the innocent girl he had grown so fond of? He had known that eventually her womanly wants would overtake her innocent thoughts, but he had never imagined that those thoughts would be turned against him. Did she not see him as a protector? As a father figure? What did she see when she looked at him?

Sighing, he raised his eyes to look at her sleeping figure. What was he going to do? How could he deny her what she wished when he had never been able to do so before? Could he forsake his own body, and feelings, for hers? If he could, would he?

Rin turned in her sleep, and he could not look upon her anymore. He lowered his eyes, and fought the headache that was blooming behind his left one.
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Sometime during the night, he had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion. He was no closer to finding an answer for Rin than he had been since the situation had come to light.

Sesshomaru heard birds chirping, and felt the sun’s rays on his skin, and woke up immediately. He didn’t remember falling asleep, and wasn’t even sure what time it was. Glancing around camp, he saw that Rin was still asleep, and Jaken was barely beginning to stir. Standing up, he quickly dusted himself off, and took to the treetops. He needed to think, and this way he could keep an eye on camp as well.
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Hours later Sesshomaru had only succeeded in pissing himself off. He had not solved any of his current problems, and had only thought of new ones. He growled at his failure to find a solution, and once again ran through the problems that were crowding his mind.

Rin had asked him to become her lover, and he did NOT want anything to do with her that way. She was still depressed. They had stopped traveling, therefore, he had lost track of Naraku, and InuYasha could be killing their enemy as he sat in a damn tree drowning in problems he had no solution to.

Actually, he had a solution to most of them, but that created a new set of problems. If he gave his body to Rin she would be happy, and stop being so gloomy, and then they could move on and continue the hunt for Naraku and InuYasha would not be able to try to kill him on his own. That still left the fact that he did not want to touch Rin in the ways she wanted. If he gave in to her request how would it affect him? Would it weaken him further in the sense that Rin could be used against him? Would he become depressed like Rin was? What if she became pregnant? He certainly had no desire for another hanyou in the family, especially if he was the one to sire it.

In the end, it all came down to Rin’s happiness. He sighed; he would have to talk to her about this unpleasant business. Maybe she would change her mind about him if he told her that he wanted nothing to do with her; or perhaps it would drive her deeper into depression.

Jumping down from the tree he had perched himself in he landed in front of Rin. “I wish to discuss some matters with you,” he said, choosing his words carefully due to Jaken’s presence.

“Coming!” Rin called as she followed him out of camp.

They were both silent until Sesshomaru stopped a distance away from camp. He had led Rin to a shallow area of the river that, under different circumstances, would have been beautiful and peaceful.

“You will not take a human as a suitor?” he asked, turning to Rin.

“No, my lord, I still hold no desire to be touched by them,” Rin answered quietly.

“Why choose a demon then? Do you think demons are any gentler than a human would be?” Sesshomaru asked her, trying to figure out her line of reasoning.

“No, I chose a demon that has never shown me any ill will, or caused me any harm,” Rin explained.

“Yet,” Sesshomaru corrected her.

“Yes, yet. But if it was to happen, one would think it would have happened already,” Rin told him.

“You have put me in a position I do not want to be in,” Sesshomaru said, lowering his voice.

“Then deny me and move from the position,” Rin said, as if daring him to refuse her wish.

“I have never been able to deny you anything you ask,” Sesshomaru whispered.

“I have never made such a personal request,” Rin supplied.

“Why look upon me with the lust you’ve got buried in your heart? What changed you?” Sesshomaru was again trying to find her logic.

“Those men, they said things, and I realized they were partially true,” Rin said, her voice leaden with sorrow.

Sesshomaru’s eyes narrowed dangerously, “What was said?”

“Things Rin does not wish to ever repeat,” Rin told him, defiance underlying her submissive tone.

“You’re not making my task any easier,” Sesshomaru said, slightly hurt that Rin had kept something from him.

“Apologies…” Rin quickly said.

“Don’t bother,” Sesshomaru said, cutting her off, and turning away from her.

Rin fought back tears, she had upset the man she only desired to please and be allowed to follow. She sank to the ground and grit her teeth, determined not to cry. She had known that what she had asked was an impossibility. She had almost not asked, for fear of being cast away. Now she was afraid that very thing was about to happen.

“This entire situation hinges on whether I should fulfill your desires, or mine,” Sesshomaru said with a sigh.

“Then it should be yours; Rin had no right to ask for such a thing,” Rin quickly told him.

“Yet you did, and I know it will not simply dissipate because you will it to,” Sesshomaru said, misery tingeing his voice.

“Rin did not mean to cause such a problem,” Rin said quietly.

“If I did not look upon you in the light I do, this would not be such a problem,” Sesshomaru confided in her.

“What light is that?” Rin asked, genuinely curious.

“As my ward, and nothing more,” Sesshomaru told her; surprised that she had to ask.

“As your child?” Rin repeated in awe as he turned back to her.

“What else would you be?” Sesshomaru asked her, his eyebrows raised slightly.

“Rin had not thought of that,” Rin told him.

“So, you see my dilemma?” Sesshomaru asked, hoping Rin would change her mind.

“Why do you not simply deny me?” Rin asked.

“It would not solve anything,” Sesshomaru answered truthfully.

“And fulfilling it would?” Rin asked perplexed.

“Yes.”

“But at a high cost,” Rin said almost to herself.

“Hn.”

Both of them were quiet for a long time, each thinking on what the other had said.

Rin seemed to come to a decision because she slowly stood up, and without making any noise made her way to where Sesshomaru was sitting. His back was still turned to her, and she hoped that he would not kill her for what she was about to do.

She slid her hands around his shoulders, and pressed herself against his back. He had been so lost in thought that he had not heard her approach; rather, he had not acknowledged it.

“Do not send Rin away, please. Rin wishes to stay with Lord Sesshomaru for as long as possible, but she does not wish to cause him trouble,” Rin said, desperation creeping into her voice.

“You will not be turned away,” Sesshomaru assured her.

“Rin can stay with Sesshomaru-sama and Jaken-sama?” Rin asked, making sure she had heard him correctly.

“You may stay as long as you choose. My only wish for you has been for your happiness, so I will fulfill your desire to fulfill my own,” Sesshomaru said, is voice dropping with each word.

Rin was shocked, and ecstatic. The dark cloud that had refused to leave her for so long was quickly vanishing.

“You realize you will have to drink that awful herbal mixture again since I have no desire to sire a hanyou child,” Sesshomaru said, still wondering if she could be persuaded to take another road.

“That’s what that was for?” Rin asked surprised.

“You didn’t realize that?” Sesshomaru said, frowning.

“No, apparently I didn’t realize a lot of things,” Rin said, making a face at all of the things she hadn’t bothered to figure out.

“You also realize that it does not change the fact that I do not want this, and I hold no lust for you, nor do I believe that I ever will,” Sesshomaru said, realizing he was not going to be able to sway Rin’s thinking.

“Rin understands that.”

“If you desire children, or a family then you must find someone else,” Sesshomaru said, his defense exhausted.

“I have a family, and it is the only one I seek,” Rin told him, contently.

Sesshomaru sighed; he was beginning to feel sick. He had just said that Rin could use his body, that he had no desire for this, and she didn’t seem to care. What had happened to the proud taiyoukai he had once been? He supposed that was what he still was to many people, yet those that knew him best had seen his downfall when he had revived the child and allowed her to follow him. “You are fulfilling many rumors that I have killed men for uttering,” Sesshomaru said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

Rin drew back, “Those men told the truth then,” she whispered to herself. “You knew of what people labeled Rin as, and really did kill them for it?”

“You are not, and never will be, my whore, and I will continue to kill anyone that insists that has any truth in it,” Sesshomaru said as he realized sadly that he has just agreed to become hers. He did not know if he could keep killing people that had so closely guessed the truth.

Rin pulled herself closer to Sesshomaru, and placed her cheek on his head. She sighed contently and never seemed to notice that the dark cloud that had descended upon her and recently disappeared had found a new home hovering atop Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru forced himself not to flinch when Rin touched him. She, at least, was happy now, or at least seemed to be. He was not looking forward to performing the tasks he had promised he would. He did something he hadn’t done in a long time; he started to doubt himself. He knew that he would not be able to give her exactly what she wanted anytime soon, being that he was already disturbed over the entire situation and was skeptical he would ever be able to force himself to become aroused enough to consummate the agreement he had entered into.

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They sat for a long time, neither one speaking, nor moving. Rin was undoubtedly happy; she had that bubbly effervescent effect to her once again. Sesshomaru was pleased that the vivacious young woman he adored had reemerged, but wondered if he had made the right choice. He could feel himself slipping farther and deeper into a black cloud of despair.

Rin had changed him so much, and he had always denied it, but he knew he had just been lying to himself. He had always placed her higher than he had ever dared admit to, and now he regretted it. He didn’t think demons knew what love really was, but maybe this was as close as he would ever get. Then again, maybe he really had learned to love. That was the only reason he could think of that would possess him to give so much of himself when he was so averse to it.

The hands that were still clasped just under his neck moved, and he refocused his attention to his surroundings in an attempt to escape the horrors of his mind.

“Sesshomaru – Sama?” Rin asked as she raised her head.

“Yes?” Sesshomaru said, sounding distant; still trying to escape his inner torment.

“When can Rin call on you to help her?” Rin whispered.

That brought Sesshomaru back to the present in a hurry. He hadn’t even thought of when he could actually do this. Letting his clawed fingers bite into his palm, he answered her, “Whenever you wish.”

“You do not wish to let anyone know of this affair, correct?” Rin asked.

“That would be best,” Sesshomaru said, fighting again to keep his voice even.

“Including Jaken-sama?” Rin queried.

“Yes.”

“Thank you Sesshomaru-sama,” Rin said as she placed a chaste kiss on the top of his head. Then she walked back to where they had left Jaken.

Sesshomaru followed her shortly afterwards, and did not speak to anyone for the rest of the day. He was too consumed by worries, regrets, and fears that he was unprepared to battle.
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The days passed agonizingly slowly for Sesshomaru. His nerves were on edge, wondering when Rin would call on him. He did his best to not display the extreme anxiety he was feeling, and hoped no one would notice.

At Rin’s request, he no longer slept perched in the treetops, but on the ground close to her. It did not help his unease, but Rin had nearly squealed in joy when he had agreed.

On the third night, he was awakened when he felt something tugging incessantly on his sleeve. He opened his eyes to an upset looking Rin.

“Rin had a bad dream, can she sleep next to you?” Rin asked as she fought back tears.

Somewhat relieved that she had not asked him to pleasure her he hastily agreed. Rin give him an appreciative smile, and snuggled up next to him. She quickly fell asleep again, and Sesshomaru did as well.

The next morning Sesshomaru was surprised to find that Rin had managed to crawl into his lap during the night, and had not woke him in the process. He supposed he was wearier than he had realized. He set himself on the task of simply accepting what his future held. Jaken had given him a questioning look, but when he had returned the look with a glare of his own Jaken had retreated and not pushed the issue any farther.
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Another three days had passed, and Sesshomaru was beginning to think that maybe he had simply dreamed up the entire scenario with Rin. However, she still stared at him, and blushed when their eyes would meet. No, it wasn’t a figment of his imagination; it was still real. Why had she not come to him yet though? She was not a shy person, and if she did not intend to use the favors she had asked for, then why ask for them at all?

Part of him was glad that she had not asked anything of him yet, and another part just wanted to get this over with. He had reasoned that if he just got through it the first time that he would not be so uneasy about it in the future, and could focus on other parts of his life.
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That night Rin again woke Sesshomaru by tugging on his sleeve. This time Sesshomaru awoke much quicker. Rin had barely touched him when he was pulled out of his light sleep. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that Rin was upset, and had been crying.


“Rin?” He asked, still keeping his eyes closed.

“Rin had another terrible dream,” Rin admitted softly as she moved closer to Sesshomaru.

Slowly opening his eyes Sesshomaru looked up at Rin, who looked just as miserable as she sounded. Her eyes were red and puffy and her face was streaked with half dried trails of tears. Her normally happy face was contorted into one of pain and sorrow. An overwhelming unhappiness oozed from her small frame.

“Will Sesshomaru-sama help Rin?” she asked as she wiped her face with the sleeve of her kimono.

“How?” Sesshomaru asked, dreading her answer.

Rin gave him a tiny smile and said, “Rin wishes to speak with you. Hopefully, that will help with the images in her head.”

Sesshomaru stood up, and Rin smiled up at him. She slid her hand into his as they walked away from camp.

Sesshomaru really did want Rin’s nightmares to end; they had returned more often than she had admitted. He had heard her cry out and wake up terrified at least once per night since the attack had happened. She only came to him when they refused to leave her.

They walked until they came to a secluded clearing in the forest that opened to the river on one side, and thick underbrush everywhere else. The moon was shining through the trees and the clearing lit up with the filtered light.

Rin squeezed Sesshomaru’s hand before she released it and sank down underneath a tree, leaning back against it and looking up at the sky. Sesshomaru sat down next to her, and waited for her to speak her mind.

Rin’s gaze didn’t leave the sky when she said, “In the dreams, it’s more like my brain is remembering those men that attacked me instead of a dream.”

“But you were unconscious,” Sesshomaru said softly.

“I think Rin lapsed in and out for awhile before actually passing out completely,” she said softly.

“You think the nightmares you’ve been having are what your mind is remembering of the attack?” Sesshomaru asked.

“What else could it be to make me see the same men every time, they always do the same things…” Rin trailed off with a shudder.

Sesshomaru took a deep breath before he asked his question he knew Rin didn’t want to hear, “In your dreams, what happens?”

Although, Sesshomaru really didn’t want to know, he thought that maybe if Rin exposed her fears she would be able to work through them and he hoped that they would stop haunting her so vividly.

Rin turned her head to look at him, and blushed brightly when her eyes met his. She turned her gaze back to the sky before she spoke, “Those men… they ripped Rin’s kimono and…” Rin swallowed before she continued, “they took turns with Rin,” she said softly as pain crept into each word.

Sesshomaru’s heart went out to Rin. He realized that she did indeed remember what had happened, and her dreams were making her relive it each night of her life! She was doing her best to deal with it on her own, but it was slowly consuming her and refusing to let her move on.

“Can Sesshomaru-sama help Rin?” Rin asked softly, as her voice started to crack.

Sesshomaru started to feel sick again; was she going to ask him to fulfill his promise now?

“What do you wish of this Sesshomaru?” he asked Rin, keeping his eyes on the ground in front of him.

Rin turned her face away from the heavens and focused her attention on Sesshomaru. “Please, Sesshomaru- sama, help Rin feel what women are supposed to feel when touched nicely.”

Sesshomaru’s world stopped and then crashed down around him at her words. He didn’t trust his voice, so he nodded, and slowly brought his gaze away from the ground to Rin; who had a small smile on her face.

Sesshomaru pushed himself to his feet and took a deep breath before he held his hand out to Rin. She took it, and he pulled her close and took to the air. Rin snuggled close to him, clutching his clothing as they traveled.

In a few moments Sesshomaru landed and gently detached Rin. She looked around and was surprised to see that Sesshomaru had taken them to a waterfall with a gentle mist creating a rainbow effect around the calm pool surrounding it. The moonlight was bright enough here to see it all so clearly, and it was stunning. Rin stared in awe for a moment, before her eyes fell on Sesshomaru.

He was standing just to the side of the waterfall, and the mist it created was swirling around him, creating an array of color with the moonlight dancing off every curve of his body. Rin was unsure if he was really there; he looked too ethereal to be real. When he spoke her name, she knew that he was there, and that he was granting her request.
She smiled and quickly made her way to his side.

“You will not change your mind?” Sesshomaru asked Rin as their gazes locked.

“No, this is what Rin desires.”

Sesshomaru nodded toward the waterfall and said, “Very well,” and disappeared behind the wall of water; closely followed by Rin.
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~A/N~ yay for editing ~ dont forget to leave me a review ;)