Texan Fun in the Feudal Era

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or Inuyasha, nor do I own any songs that will be sung in this fict.

Texan Fun in the Feudal Era

A/N:
Yes dear ones, I am the authoress that made Mary Sue’s witty and fun to read. I started this new wave of stupidity and I am damn proud to continue it.

Alright, this goes along with my Texan Fun series, so you’re still the same person. Short, half black, blue eyed, dead sexy, and Texan bravado are your main attributes. Oh, plus you’re still a Nymph. Hope ya’ll like this series. Get ‘er done ya’ll!

Operation: ‘Fuckin’ Butterflies…’


Butterflies. Easily the most sinister and conniving beings to ever have been created. Sure, they seemed so nice and beautiful. But if you took a closer look, you would find that their hearts were black with tainted desires and they secretly schemed to over take the world.

Or at least that’s how you viewed the vile lil’ creatures of evil.

Oh yeah, that’s right. You were onto them.

For it would be a simple butterfly that would change your life….


~~~~~


The manager had had it.

The fat lard of a man ambled over to your table, his mustache twitching in anger.

Kurama sighed lightly as you and Yusuke continued in your loudly obnoxious behavior. He had been hoping that the two of you would have calmed after a few drinks with a certain tranquilizer he had slipped in it.

But of course, it seemed to be having the opposite effect.

If anything, you and Yusuke were being even more annoying than usual. Which was saying something.

Hiei was grinding his teeth in anger while fingering the handle of his katana lovingly. Oh how he missed the five seconds that you had stopped talking. Yes, you had been choking on a French fry…but still, it had been a soothing silence laced with hacking coughs.

The little demon gazed at the remaining French fries hopefully.

The fat manager finally made his way to your table with his meaty hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. His name tag said…something in Japanese. It looked like ‘Boob’, but you could have been mistaken.

“GET OUT!!!” Boob screamed, startling the other customers.

You and Yusuke paused mid-song to stare blandly at the large pimple on the ass of society.

“Please sir,” said Kurama calmly. “They’re mentally challenged youths from a nearby school, my friend and I are caring for them today.”

You instantly dropped your mouth open and drooled on the table. Yusuke quickly picked up on the ruse and gave the side of Hiei’s face a large lap of his tongue.

The demon looked morally, mentally, and physically violated.

Boob instantly got less mad, “Oh…I’m…uh, I apologize.”

He waddled back behind the counter.


~~~~~


Kurama sighed again, another WacDonald’s they could no longer go to. He inwardly winced at the song you and Yusuke had been singing since…forever….

Hiei’s eye was twitching.

“STOP SINGING!!!” he snapped wildly.

Kurama closed his eyes, “Yes, please stop. No matter how much you say it, you are not a Barbie girl in a Barbie world.”

All of you were back at the house. Kurama was only half lying when he had talked to the manager. It was true that he and Hiei were watching you and Yusuke for the day…and who knew whether or not you were truly mentally challenged….

Your Muse, Kuwabara, was in the Reikai, seeing to the rest of his new herd of Nymphs on Koenma’s orders.

….

I don’t feel like explaining anymore right now, so I’m gonna skip ahead a few hours in the day so I can get the hell on with this story.

You stared.

It stared.

You stared.

It stared.

You were stalk still, in a crouched position waiting for your opponent to make one false move.

It twitched just slightly, but you weren’t fooled. Oh no, you had been waiting too long to mess up now. The ultimate weapon was held tightly in your hand. But still you waited, listening to your MP3 player blasting the goodness of Stagga Lee’s ‘Rock your body, mic check 1, 2’ in your ears.

The red bikini bottoms you had on were seriously riding up your ass. The high heeled cowboy boots were making your feet sweat. The chaps were itchy. The cowboy hat seemed to be attracting all rays of sunlight to focus directing on your head. The red bikini top was restricting your ability to breathe, it was on so tight.

But all that didn’t matter, the point was: you looked damned good.

Plus it was freakin’ hot outside, so you weren’t about to wear normal clothing.

Your enemy turned to its side, as if taunting you. Like it knew you were terrified on its very presence. Oh yeah, it could smell fear.

You swallowed and blinked your wide blue eyes.

NOW!

You leapt up with amazing speed the second your opponent started to flutter into the sky.

“TAKE THAT!!!” you shouted as you held up your can of bug spray and launched a stream of poison at the butterfly.

It easily dodged your first attack and started to fly off, no doubt to get reinforcements.

You gritted your teeth and shot off from Kurama’s backyard, vaulting over the fence and running through the dense trees, following your mortal foe.

It might have been an hour later that you paused in your chase, wondering where the fuck you were.

Then it hit you.

Obviously the butterfly had led you into enemy territory and was waiting with its army behind that very bush just there. So, being the brave Texan that you were…you went the other way.

You weren’t about to fuck with them butterfly armies.

No spank you.

Then you saw it. The bane of your existence.

The butterfly fluttered passed a few trees and up what had to be the stair-master from hell.

“It should be illegal to have this many steps,” you muttered as you sped after your foe.

By the time you got to the top of the stone stairs you were about to fall over from exhaustion. You paused and collapsed on your butt, trying to catch your breath and figure out where you were.

It looked like some weird courtyard. It had a huge tree in the far corner and a house beside it. You wondered if you were on someone’s property. A sort of shack stood a little way from you, and you sat up when you spied the butterfly go into it.

You slipped off your head phones and stalked your prey into the shed.

“I play a game called chase the butterfly,” you said diabolically. “The second part is called smash the butterfly.”

It smelled like mold inside the damp place and you clamped your hand over your nose to keep from sneezing. Your eyes adjusted to the dark slowly and you spied a huge…square hole in the middle of the ground.

ADD is fun.

You soon forgot about the butterfly, tossing the can of bug spray over your shoulder. Your boots made nice thudding sounds as you clomped down to the hole.

ADD is never satisfied.

You were soon bored with your new find and you snorted rudely as you leapt on one of the wooden planks surrounding the hole.

It was then…that the final attack came.

The butterfly swooped in low, obviously so as not to be detected on your radar. You had barely turned your head toward the doorway when it fluttered in your face.

You freaked.

Your arms waved windmills in front of you, trying to defend yourself. A shriek escaped your lips before you realized you were starting to topple over backwards. You worked your arms in a fury, trying to regain your balance.

But that fucking evil butterfly had to choose that moment to land on your nose. The tiny amount of added weight sent you falling over the edge of the hole. Your head smacked against something hard and all went black as you landed on your stomach.


~~~~~


‘You know…I hate that you’re stupid,’ said your alter ego.

You mentally snarled.

‘Why don’t you go annoy some of the other voices in my head?’ you snapped.

Your alter ego snorted, ‘Because all your other voices speak Spanish and I can’t understand them.’

‘That makes two of us,’ you muttered.

Slowly you opened your eyes, blinking as bright sunlight hit your face. You groaned in pain as your head started throbbing.

“Ow,” you grunted as you sat up.

Eventually, your vision stopped spinning long enough for you to get to your feet. You rubbed the back of your head as you stared up the long shaft of the hole. The sky was a brilliant bright blue and you squinted in annoyance.

“Wait a tic…wasn’t I in a shed thingy?” you muttered.

‘What are you waiting for?’ your alter ego snapped. ‘Get us out of here. Climb bitch!’

You mentally snorted, ‘I’m waiting for some transvestite to pop up and say ‘It puts the lotion on its hands or else it gets the hose again.’’

Your alter ego stared blankly at you.

‘It was in a movie…’ you explained.

You figured that you must have hit your head harder than you thought and started climbing up the walls of the hole, clinging to the thick vines.

You poked your head out and heaved your body up and over the edge of the hole, grumbling about this being your workout for the week.

“Um…” you said while staring around.

Oh this was so messed up.

You were in the woods.

…the fuck…?

You looked around and planted your hands on your hips, expecting Cupid to hop from behind a bush shouting ‘Gottcha!’ But no such luck. Then you pinched yourself.

“Ow,” you muttered, rubbing your arm. “Okay, that rules out the dreaming theory.”

You spent a few more intelligent minutes scratching your head and adjusting your top before deciding to start looking for a corner store. You couldn’t be that lost after all.

“Alright, fine. I’m in the woods…alone. Okay, I’m still good. After all, like the song says these boots are made for walkin’.”


~30 minutes later~


“THAT BITCH LIED! THESE FUCKIN’ BOOTS WERE SO NOT MADE FOR WALKIN’!!!”

You kicked your booted foot out at the nearest tree.

“OW!” you yelped, holding your now injured foot.

‘Stupid people like you shouldn’t be allowed to roam the woods alone,’ your alter ego said.

‘Agreed,’ you snapped.

You had no idea where you were.

And your foot really hurt.

And that cloud looked like a butterfly….

And the batteries in your MP3 player were starting to crap out.

Indeed it was turning out to be a bad day.


A/N: oh yeah...I went there. Sy in the Feudal Era just like I promised. And uh...new people readin' this, ya'll are really gonna hafta read Texan Fun...if you want to understand...shibby, lol.